Fighting the Holiday Blues | Better Together | TBN

Fighting the Holiday Blues | Better Together

Watch Fighting the Holiday Blues | Better Together
December 19, 2019
27:28

Are you facing loss or loneliness this holiday season? Join our conversation on how to find healing and hope. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Fighting the Holiday Blues | Better Together

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  • - Christmas is not always a time of joy and excitement.
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  • Perhaps, you or a loved one are facing loss
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  • or fighting loneliness.
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  • This year, God's gift for you is healing and hope.
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  • Come on, join our conversation.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - In the middle of this holiday season
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  • we have to acknowledge that it's hard for a lot of people.
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  • Some people Christmas is a time of remembering
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  • what they don't have, they're experiencing loss,
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  • loss of loved ones, maybe someone they lost this year,
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  • maybe relationship they lost this year,
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  • maybe someone they lost 20, 30 years ago,
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  • but this time is like a constant reminder
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  • that they don't have what it seems like everyone else has.
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  • And I think we have to acknowledge it, talk about it
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  • and hopefully encourage people right where they are,
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  • that is where they are.
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  • I remember the first Christmas without my dad.
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  • Specifically my dad passed away right before Easter.
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  • So I remember the first Easter without him,
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  • it was a week after Easter,
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  • it was such a trip
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  • to try to reconcile what this holiday meant now.
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  • In the middle of all of this loss, how do I find joy?
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  • What do I think about Jesus now?
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  • What do I think about my life now?
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  • And how do I worship God in the middle of this season?
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  • One of my close friends, she's a mother of four,
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  • and she lost her husband right before Christmas.
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  • So, I know for her Christmas is specifically so difficult
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  • for that family.
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  • But I think no matter when you lost somebody
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  • or what kind of lost you went through,
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  • whether it was a house or relationship
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  • or truly someone passed,
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  • that Christmas can sometimes be hard,
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  • especially in comparing it
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  • to what other people are going through,
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  • and everyone's saying it's the most joyful time of the year
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  • and you feel like it's the opposite for you.
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  • I just want us to take some time to speak to those people.
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  • What do we say to people that are in the middle
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  • of a hard season
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  • during what's supposed to be
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  • the most joyful time of the year?
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  • - Yeah, growing up, I certainly relate to that.
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  • When my father had a massive cerebral hemorrhage,
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  • and was not expected to survive.
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  • And my mom would come home from the hospital
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  • to Christmas decorations up in the house.
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  • And after my father was eventually hospitalized
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  • and then committed suicide,
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  • she had the hardest time
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  • putting any Christmas decorations up.
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  • Because for her it was just a reminder
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  • of that terrible time in her life.
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  • And I remember when I was, maybe 12 or 13,
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  • sitting down with my mom on Christmas and saying,
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  • "You know, Mom,"
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  • 'cause a)we were Scottish
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  • and b) back then you don't talk about things,
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  • you just keep going.
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  • - Soldier on.
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  • - You just soldier on.
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  • I remember sitting down with her and say,
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  • "Mom, I know this is hard for you to talk about,
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  • "but dad knew Jesus,
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  • "so dad is home free,
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  • "dad is celebrating.
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  • "So I think I don't want your whole life,
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  • "the rest of your life to be marked by what was taken away.
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  • "Let's make our life now about what we have.
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  • "You know that we have each other."
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  • We had very little money.
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  • We lost our home and things after my dad's death.
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  • So we lived in government housing.
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  • But I said, "But we've got each other."
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  • And so I went that year, and I bought a little tree,
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  • and I put it up and I said,
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  • "You know what?
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  • "I know this might be hard,
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  • "but let's celebrate because we're all still here,
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  • "we all still love each other,
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  • "we don't have a ton, but we have enough."
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  • And it was just making a conscientious decision
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  • to turn our heart away from loss toward the gift.
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  • - The greatest gift
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  • that we can give to the world as Christians is hope.
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  • You'd be surprised
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  • how many single parents live without hope,
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  • how many people that don't have a home,
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  • lost their children, lost their families,
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  • and they live without hope.
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  • Some of the people that are shut into their homes
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  • with no connection to a family,
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  • all the kids are grown
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  • and yet the kids don't go and visit mom
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  • and dad after they're old.
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  • They feel hopeless.
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  • They don't feel a connection.
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  • And I think us as believers,
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  • people that call themselves Christ followers,
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  • the way we exude our passion,
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  • our love, our hope into the world,
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  • it brings a level of enthusiasm to life,
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  • people live longer.
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  • - Every member when my mother in-law,
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  • I told you all about how we'd bring all of my family,
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  • the 100 of us,
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  • and my in-laws would come
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  • and they would spend the night with me,
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  • and then they would get up in the morning
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  • and go to my brother in-law's house in the morning.
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  • Well, she's been gone for a few years now, four, five years.
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  • And I remember the first Christmas we had,
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  • Whoo.
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  • - It's okay.
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  • - Jesus.
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  • - It's okay.
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  • - Whoo.
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  • I wanna cry.
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  • I remember the first Christmas that we had without her.
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  • And,
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  • wasn't even like she did so much
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  • but just her presence there.
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  • And this thing was happening now.
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  • I'm thinking about what's happening this year,
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  • is the first year that my father-in-law won't be here.
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  • And,
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  • my family's close.
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  • In-laws and my biological family,
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  • like we see them all the time.
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  • We did ministry together,
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  • all of us are in ministry together.
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  • And,
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  • it's like, you have to be intentional
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  • to redirect
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  • your attention to life
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  • and not think about the death part.
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  • I think so many times we concentrate on it being a loss.
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  • And for me, it's not a loss.
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  • I look at death like, he's still alive,
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  • he's not dead, you know.
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  • He's not in my past, they are not in my past,
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  • but they are my future,
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  • that I'll get to spend eternity with them.
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  • And when you can take your attention off of the loss
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  • and off of what you don't have
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  • and place it on the life and the lives that are around you
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  • that you do have,
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  • then you can enjoy life, period.
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  • But of course, it's the emotional part of us
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  • that, you know,
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  • the missing, memories.
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  • But so many times if you continue
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  • to focus on the loss of it,
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  • you will never be able to enjoy
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  • the good memories right now.
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  • The memories you can discuss.
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  • You can, it's okay to discuss the good memories
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  • 'cause we talk about it, we do.
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  • Sometimes it's just painful, but it's okay,
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  • you know, the pain will eventually go
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  • and happiness will always be here
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  • because I have so many great memories.
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  • So, to be able to sit back and laugh
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  • and think about the $5 or $10 that they put in a car,
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  • that's a funny memory,
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  • because that's like giving a quarter to a chick in our days.
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  • So, we enjoy it, it's okay to have great memories.
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  • You don't have to be sad around Christmas,
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  • you can be happy just thinking about the great things.
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  • - My friend Thelma, well, sets a timer.
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  • Her thing is, you know what,
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  • you can't ignore grief,
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  • grief is real if you've lost someone.
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  • So she'd literally will set the kitchen timer for 15 minutes
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  • just to say, okay, for these 15 minutes,
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  • I'm gonna feel my feelings,
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  • I'm gonna miss my mom, whoever it is.
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  • And then when the timer goes off,
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  • she's like, "Okay, Lord, we're moving on."
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  • - Yeah, that's powerful.
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  • Not to ignore this real person in your life
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  • that wasn't just a dead person,
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  • not say you have to move on or you have to push through,
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  • but to have a moment to be you and really grieve.
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  • That's powerful.
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  • - And I think it's the first that are hard.
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  • You know, like for me,
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  • it was the first birthday after my dad died.
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  • It was the first Christmas.
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  • And it kind of comes upon you suddenly.
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  • For me it would, right.
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  • Yeah, 'cause he made it a big deal.
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  • We all experience loss.
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  • Loss of friends, loss of jobs, perhaps homes.
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  • Yeah, and there was a season where my dad went to heaven
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  • and it was a pretty sudden.
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  • His death was sudden.
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  • And in that same season, I kind of lost some friends.
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  • So it was really processing
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  • the heartbreak of loss.
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  • And it's okay
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  • to have those feelings.
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  • It's okay to grieve.
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  • You don't wanna stay there forever.
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  • But it's okay.
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  • So, now when I see people who are grieving,
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  • who are dealing with loss,
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  • I am way more empathetic than I was before.
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  • Because I navigated lost myself
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  • and I know what that feels like
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  • and the heartbreak that that is.
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  • Somebody's in loss, I don't rush them through it.
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  • I'm like, you know, hold their hand.
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  • 'Cause I get it, I know what it feels like.
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  • And I just think maybe that's what we should be doing.
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  • Just like looking where,
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  • if someone's grieving during Christmas or there's a loss,
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  • don't rush on past it so fast,
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  • just acknowledge that, and go I'm really sorry.
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  • I understand, I'm sorry.
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  • I know what that feels like.
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  • - Be more empathetic.
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  • - You know that's what the Holy Spirit is.
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  • He's the comforter.
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  • I mean, that's a whole piece of God
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  • that He wants to comfort us in our loss
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  • because there is a time to mourn.
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  • And the Comforter has things for us in that time of mourning
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  • that can transform
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  • and do something inside of our hearts and lives.
  • 00:10:16.290 --> 00:10:19.260
  • And sometimes when we try to breeze by that and you know...
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  • So my thought is always,
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  • you know what, they're not dead,
  • 00:10:24.290 --> 00:10:27.030
  • they are so alive.
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  • - More alive than they've ever been.
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  • - I'm just going to miss them so badly.
  • 00:10:31.040 --> 00:10:35.070
  • And so pushing past that.
  • 00:10:36.120 --> 00:10:38.160
  • And I think what you even said in the beginning
  • 00:10:38.160 --> 00:10:41.110
  • is just sometimes we can live in that loss,
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  • you know, whether it's 1955 that I lost my spouse
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  • and that still hold you in bondage today.
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  • Should not hold you in bondage anymore.
  • 00:10:52.060 --> 00:10:54.210
  • And seeing things that I do have
  • 00:10:54.210 --> 00:10:57.090
  • that I can be thankful for today,
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  • because a lot of times our loss can be a loss
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  • for those around us.
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  • Our children can suffer from us staying
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  • stuck in a place where God has not called us to stay.
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  • He says to rejoice in the Lord,
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  • that means to rejoice yourself in the Lord.
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  • And that is a process and it does take time to be comforted
  • 00:11:17.100 --> 00:11:22.100
  • but then to to be able rejoin yourself with God.
  • 00:11:23.220 --> 00:11:27.230
  • - Because how you feel would dictate to you
  • 00:11:28.280 --> 00:11:30.110
  • how you will behave.
  • 00:11:30.110 --> 00:11:31.230
  • And so in order to feel better, we have to think better.
  • 00:11:31.230 --> 00:11:34.290
  • And we start thinking better about different things
  • 00:11:34.290 --> 00:11:37.290
  • then we can feel better and we will be better.
  • 00:11:37.290 --> 00:11:41.060
  • - Celebrate Christmas with Better Together.
  • 00:11:43.210 --> 00:11:45.250
  • - Tag us at Better Together TV
  • 00:11:45.250 --> 00:11:47.170
  • to show us how you and your friends
  • 00:11:47.170 --> 00:11:49.060
  • are creating Christmas memories this season.
  • 00:11:49.060 --> 00:11:51.090
  • - We can't wait to see your beautiful faces.
  • 00:11:51.090 --> 00:11:53.210
  • - I was reading in Psalm 77.
  • 00:11:54.290 --> 00:11:57.040
  • He says, "I complained and my spirit was was overwhelmed."
  • 00:11:57.040 --> 00:12:01.000
  • So for me when I read the Bible,
  • 00:12:01.280 --> 00:12:03.110
  • I look at what is that saying to me.
  • 00:12:03.110 --> 00:12:04.240
  • So I feel like so many times I've been overwhelmed,
  • 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:07.020
  • so maybe it's what I'm complaining about.
  • 00:12:07.020 --> 00:12:09.060
  • So what am i complaining about?
  • 00:12:09.060 --> 00:12:10.110
  • So, even in processing loss or grief,
  • 00:12:10.110 --> 00:12:14.100
  • is like if there's this overwhelmed feeling,
  • 00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:17.000
  • then what's coming out of your mouth?
  • 00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:19.240
  • You know, it talks about give thanks in all circumstances.
  • 00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:23.230
  • So not for them but in them.
  • 00:12:23.230 --> 00:12:26.050
  • So even in the midst of it,
  • 00:12:26.050 --> 00:12:27.120
  • can you find something to be grateful for?
  • 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:29.170
  • And that was probably the hardest journey that I went on.
  • 00:12:29.170 --> 00:12:33.220
  • In this last five years
  • 00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:34.270
  • we just have one loss after the other,
  • 00:12:34.270 --> 00:12:36.220
  • was that decision to be grateful,
  • 00:12:36.220 --> 00:12:39.260
  • to find something to be grateful for.
  • 00:12:39.260 --> 00:12:41.130
  • And the first day, honestly, it was coffee.
  • 00:12:41.130 --> 00:12:43.040
  • Like, "Okay, I'm grateful for coffee."
  • 00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:45.110
  • - And that's not a small thing.
  • 00:12:45.110 --> 00:12:46.260
  • (all laughing)
  • 00:12:46.260 --> 00:12:49.130
  • - Something basic, maybe more basic than you would imagine,
  • 00:12:50.280 --> 00:12:52.190
  • right?
  • 00:12:52.190 --> 00:12:53.270
  • - And then eventually, it became bigger things,
  • 00:12:53.270 --> 00:12:55.060
  • but at first it was like coffee and the sunshine
  • 00:12:55.060 --> 00:12:56.140
  • and a pair of shoes, whatever.
  • 00:12:56.140 --> 00:12:58.160
  • But just find something to be grateful now.
  • 00:12:58.160 --> 00:13:01.250
  • Right?
  • 00:13:01.250 --> 00:13:03.010
  • So I think even as you process loss or...
  • 00:13:03.010 --> 00:13:05.090
  • I mean, I've watched people who become homeless,
  • 00:13:05.090 --> 00:13:08.020
  • so they have lost a lifestyle, right?
  • 00:13:08.020 --> 00:13:11.150
  • And I've seen them...
  • 00:13:11.150 --> 00:13:12.290
  • - So losses, even though we've been talking about death,
  • 00:13:12.290 --> 00:13:15.210
  • loss isn't just about death.
  • 00:13:15.210 --> 00:13:18.010
  • - So you lose a lifestyle, you lose a job,
  • 00:13:18.010 --> 00:13:20.060
  • you lose whatever it is, 'cause is loss,
  • 00:13:20.060 --> 00:13:22.050
  • and so somehow, even in that,
  • 00:13:22.050 --> 00:13:23.280
  • find something to be grateful for.
  • 00:13:25.030 --> 00:13:27.260
  • It challenges me to keep my eyes open for all kinds of loss.
  • 00:13:27.260 --> 00:13:31.040
  • Not just death, but loss of a lifestyle, loss of a job.
  • 00:13:31.040 --> 00:13:34.130
  • My favorite Christmas memory,
  • 00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:37.080
  • it was a year that my father was let go from his job.
  • 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:39.270
  • That Christmas, we had no food,
  • 00:13:39.270 --> 00:13:41.270
  • we had no Christmas presents
  • 00:13:41.270 --> 00:13:43.150
  • and we're on the verge of losing our house.
  • 00:13:43.150 --> 00:13:45.220
  • There was a group of families for church
  • 00:13:45.220 --> 00:13:47.040
  • that binded together and brought us a turkey,
  • 00:13:47.040 --> 00:13:50.120
  • some food, tons of Christmas presents.
  • 00:13:50.120 --> 00:13:52.150
  • Until this day, it's markedly my favorite Christmas.
  • 00:13:52.150 --> 00:13:55.250
  • Even though we have all those things now,
  • 00:13:55.250 --> 00:13:57.110
  • that one goes down as the one we experienced the most
  • 00:13:57.110 --> 00:14:00.090
  • when we had the least.
  • 00:14:00.090 --> 00:14:01.110
  • - I remember when I was younger,
  • 00:14:02.160 --> 00:14:03.160
  • there was a family in our church
  • 00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:05.150
  • who lost their two daughters in a tragic car accident,
  • 00:14:05.150 --> 00:14:09.060
  • right before Christmas.
  • 00:14:09.060 --> 00:14:10.210
  • And the girls were my age.
  • 00:14:10.210 --> 00:14:12.060
  • And I remember we kept thinking,
  • 00:14:12.060 --> 00:14:13.260
  • how are we gonna be there for this family.
  • 00:14:13.260 --> 00:14:15.180
  • And I'm freaking out,
  • 00:14:15.180 --> 00:14:17.100
  • you know, 'cause I knew these girls,
  • 00:14:17.100 --> 00:14:18.250
  • and my dad's freaking out 'cause they were my age.
  • 00:14:18.250 --> 00:14:20.190
  • And we kept trying to think
  • 00:14:20.190 --> 00:14:22.090
  • how we'd be there for this family.
  • 00:14:22.090 --> 00:14:24.030
  • And I'll never forget when
  • 00:14:24.030 --> 00:14:25.210
  • this couple that lost her daughters came over at our house.
  • 00:14:25.210 --> 00:14:29.070
  • Our family wasn't well off,
  • 00:14:29.070 --> 00:14:30.130
  • we rarely got Christmas presents.
  • 00:14:30.130 --> 00:14:32.210
  • And they came with gifts for me, my brother and sister;
  • 00:14:32.210 --> 00:14:35.250
  • stacks of gifts wrapped up.
  • 00:14:35.250 --> 00:14:37.240
  • And it was confusing,
  • 00:14:37.240 --> 00:14:39.240
  • as a little kid what was happening.
  • 00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:42.160
  • Here we were trying to figure how to bless them,
  • 00:14:42.160 --> 00:14:44.060
  • and so we had this big budget for gifts this year
  • 00:14:44.060 --> 00:14:46.190
  • for our daughters, and we wanted to bless you guys.
  • 00:14:46.190 --> 00:14:49.020
  • And they gave us these gifts.
  • 00:14:49.020 --> 00:14:50.210
  • And they didn't make us feel bad that they had lost.
  • 00:14:50.210 --> 00:14:53.150
  • They didn't give a monologue
  • 00:14:53.150 --> 00:14:54.130
  • of what they were going through.
  • 00:14:54.130 --> 00:14:55.110
  • Just from their knowledge
  • 00:14:55.110 --> 00:14:57.030
  • of what it was like to be without,
  • 00:14:57.030 --> 00:14:58.270
  • from that, they gave.
  • 00:14:58.270 --> 00:15:00.250
  • They gave these gifts and it was a trip and I never forgot.
  • 00:15:00.250 --> 00:15:04.020
  • So when I lost my dad, when I was 18 years old,
  • 00:15:04.020 --> 00:15:07.030
  • from that place of grief,
  • 00:15:07.030 --> 00:15:08.290
  • now you know what loss is like.
  • 00:15:08.290 --> 00:15:11.000
  • So this is not your opportunity
  • 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:12.150
  • to make other people feel bad that they have the dad,
  • 00:15:12.150 --> 00:15:14.200
  • this is not your opportunity people feel bad
  • 00:15:14.200 --> 00:15:16.100
  • that you had a harder childhood than them
  • 00:15:16.100 --> 00:15:18.030
  • and you're feeling sorry for yourself.
  • 00:15:18.030 --> 00:15:19.280
  • Like this is your opportunity from a place of knowledge
  • 00:15:19.280 --> 00:15:22.120
  • 'cause you've seen death and you've survived through it.
  • 00:15:22.120 --> 00:15:25.000
  • 'Cause you've seen grief and you've lived to talk about it.
  • 00:15:25.000 --> 00:15:28.010
  • Compassion doesn't need to be something that we overthink.
  • 00:15:28.010 --> 00:15:31.000
  • What's the right words?
  • 00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:32.060
  • What's the right gift?
  • 00:15:32.060 --> 00:15:33.050
  • What's the right thing to say?
  • 00:15:33.050 --> 00:15:34.130
  • The fact that you care it all
  • 00:15:34.130 --> 00:15:35.210
  • is what people wanna see and wanna feel.
  • 00:15:35.210 --> 00:15:37.250
  • They just don't wanna be alone.
  • 00:15:37.250 --> 00:15:39.240
  • People don't wanna be impressed,
  • 00:15:39.240 --> 00:15:41.060
  • they just don't wanna be alone.
  • 00:15:41.060 --> 00:15:42.280
  • I think something that we can tend to do
  • 00:15:42.280 --> 00:15:44.200
  • is get so in our heads about how to be there for someone.
  • 00:15:44.200 --> 00:15:47.240
  • And if we don't get to the right place or get the right gift
  • 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:50.140
  • then we just won't show up at all.
  • 00:15:50.140 --> 00:15:52.270
  • Do not overthink being there for somebody.
  • 00:15:52.270 --> 00:15:56.120
  • I'll never forget when my dad passed away,
  • 00:15:56.120 --> 00:15:58.240
  • and all these people tried to give me the right gift
  • 00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:00.200
  • and say the right thing and it was overwhelming.
  • 00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:02.240
  • And there was a girl in my college
  • 00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:04.090
  • whose name I don't remember,
  • 00:16:04.090 --> 00:16:05.160
  • who I don't think I've ever seen since
  • 00:16:05.160 --> 00:16:07.110
  • who opened the door for me
  • 00:16:07.110 --> 00:16:08.190
  • when I was walking into my dorm room,
  • 00:16:08.190 --> 00:16:10.270
  • and said, "Hey Hosanna, I heard about your dad,
  • 00:16:10.270 --> 00:16:13.120
  • "I'm so sorry.
  • 00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:14.260
  • "I mean, I don't know, I mean, I don't know what to say,
  • 00:16:14.260 --> 00:16:15.280
  • "I'm sorry, I'm fumbling."
  • 00:16:15.280 --> 00:16:17.120
  • And she started crying 'cause she was so nervous.
  • 00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:19.160
  • And she said, "I'm so sorry.
  • 00:16:19.160 --> 00:16:21.010
  • "Just, I love my dad, I'd be so sad if I lost my dad.
  • 00:16:21.010 --> 00:16:23.200
  • "I'm sorry you lost your dad,
  • 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:24.180
  • "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
  • 00:16:24.180 --> 00:16:25.140
  • And she just cried.
  • 00:16:25.140 --> 00:16:26.220
  • And then she left and I just really appreciated
  • 00:16:26.220 --> 00:16:30.060
  • that someone let themselves be uncomfortable
  • 00:16:30.060 --> 00:16:33.130
  • to make me feel loved and seen.
  • 00:16:33.130 --> 00:16:35.030
  • She didn't have the perfect words
  • 00:16:35.030 --> 00:16:36.150
  • but I remember that this stranger
  • 00:16:36.150 --> 00:16:40.010
  • really cared about me enough for her to be uncomfortable.
  • 00:16:40.010 --> 00:16:43.040
  • - 26, 27, 28 years ago,
  • 00:16:43.040 --> 00:16:46.020
  • I lost a baby.
  • 00:16:46.020 --> 00:16:47.060
  • And I lost two in a row.
  • 00:16:48.040 --> 00:16:50.090
  • Well, that Christmas,
  • 00:16:50.090 --> 00:16:52.080
  • I put up a little tree right by my fireplace,
  • 00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:56.030
  • and I decorated it with baby stuff.
  • 00:16:56.030 --> 00:16:59.080
  • And I remember looking at that tree and I was like,
  • 00:16:59.080 --> 00:17:01.030
  • "I'm not gonna do that next year.
  • 00:17:01.030 --> 00:17:04.010
  • "Those babies are alive and well,
  • 00:17:04.010 --> 00:17:06.160
  • "they don't need me to be down here thinking about it
  • 00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:09.210
  • "and dwelling on it, there are alive,"
  • 00:17:09.210 --> 00:17:12.010
  • and I didn't put that tree up anymore.
  • 00:17:13.040 --> 00:17:14.250
  • - But you did for that moment.
  • 00:17:14.250 --> 00:17:16.100
  • See, acknowledging.
  • 00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:19.090
  • That was your 15 minutes, that timer for (mumbles)
  • 00:17:19.090 --> 00:17:23.010
  • - 'Cause we all, especially at our age,
  • 00:17:23.010 --> 00:17:26.000
  • you know, we're experiencing a lot of loss in our lives.
  • 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:30.120
  • My aunts and uncles
  • 00:17:30.120 --> 00:17:33.080
  • tease about not having any friends anymore their age
  • 00:17:33.080 --> 00:17:36.000
  • 'cause they've all gone to heaven.
  • 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:37.240
  • You know.
  • 00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:38.190
  • So,
  • 00:17:38.190 --> 00:17:39.140
  • that loss is so real, but what do we have here?
  • 00:17:41.090 --> 00:17:46.090
  • So I often think about
  • 00:17:47.030 --> 00:17:49.230
  • the process in which we go through when we lose someone
  • 00:17:49.230 --> 00:17:53.150
  • that we love dearly or any kind of a loss,
  • 00:17:53.150 --> 00:17:57.030
  • and how we process that and how it affects others
  • 00:17:57.030 --> 00:18:00.180
  • that are around us.
  • 00:18:00.180 --> 00:18:02.080
  • I think it's so important
  • 00:18:02.080 --> 00:18:04.270
  • not to get locked in that time.
  • 00:18:04.270 --> 00:18:07.290
  • God has not called us to be locked up in a time
  • 00:18:07.290 --> 00:18:11.090
  • where there is no tomorrow and there is no hope
  • 00:18:11.090 --> 00:18:14.060
  • and there is no more joy.
  • 00:18:14.060 --> 00:18:16.070
  • God has come to redeem us and to save us from that.
  • 00:18:16.070 --> 00:18:21.070
  • So, there is a time for mourning,
  • 00:18:22.140 --> 00:18:24.270
  • but there's also a time of rejoicing.
  • 00:18:24.270 --> 00:18:27.260
  • We go back to the beginning
  • 00:18:27.260 --> 00:18:29.030
  • of making the main thing the main thing;
  • 00:18:29.030 --> 00:18:31.250
  • that He brought us good news,
  • 00:18:31.250 --> 00:18:34.030
  • and it was great joy to everybody.
  • 00:18:34.030 --> 00:18:37.130
  • A Savior was born, a redeemer, the joy of the Lord,
  • 00:18:37.130 --> 00:18:41.210
  • you know, Joy to the world.
  • 00:18:41.210 --> 00:18:43.230
  • We might not see you know, peace and goodwill towards men.
  • 00:18:43.230 --> 00:18:48.100
  • We might not see peace in the world.
  • 00:18:48.100 --> 00:18:50.180
  • It's peace in our soul.
  • 00:18:50.180 --> 00:18:52.120
  • It's the Joy to the world that I can have a joy and a peace
  • 00:18:52.120 --> 00:18:56.000
  • on the inside that peace that surpasses.
  • 00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.090
  • Nobody can understand that piece that we have inside,
  • 00:18:59.090 --> 00:19:02.110
  • but that's what we get as children of God.
  • 00:19:02.110 --> 00:19:05.010
  • That's what we can take a hold of.
  • 00:19:05.010 --> 00:19:06.260
  • And that's a promise of God,
  • 00:19:06.260 --> 00:19:08.260
  • that we can have a joy and that we can have a peace
  • 00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:11.140
  • because He is our joy and our peace
  • 00:19:11.140 --> 00:19:14.190
  • and He is everlasting.
  • 00:19:14.190 --> 00:19:16.110
  • And that's what when slaying.
  • 00:19:18.090 --> 00:19:19.040
  • - Not the absence of trouble, is the presence of God.
  • 00:19:22.150 --> 00:19:27.000
  • When Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble,"
  • 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:30.070
  • it was like use that little Greek word for a perfect storm.
  • 00:19:30.070 --> 00:19:33.110
  • You're gonna walk through some perfect storms.
  • 00:19:33.110 --> 00:19:35.070
  • But take heart.
  • 00:19:35.070 --> 00:19:36.210
  • It's like an instruction.
  • 00:19:36.210 --> 00:19:38.060
  • You know, come on here, bless the Lord, O my soul.
  • 00:19:38.060 --> 00:19:40.110
  • Come on soul, right?
  • 00:19:40.110 --> 00:19:41.120
  • Let's bless the Lord.
  • 00:19:41.120 --> 00:19:42.200
  • Because Christ has overcome the world.
  • 00:19:42.200 --> 00:19:44.280
  • In my world there's so many this age,
  • 00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:47.250
  • you know, in our church and in my world, and I love it.
  • 00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:50.180
  • I love that God trust me with a bunch of young people.
  • 00:19:50.180 --> 00:19:53.090
  • And, you know, keeps me stylish on one hand.
  • 00:19:53.090 --> 00:19:56.110
  • (mumbles)
  • 00:19:57.120 --> 00:19:59.290
  • But for me, the challenge then
  • 00:19:59.290 --> 00:20:02.120
  • is when they go through a loss,
  • 00:20:02.120 --> 00:20:05.030
  • whether it's the loss of a boyfriend,
  • 00:20:05.030 --> 00:20:07.130
  • or a best friend or it can be all consuming,
  • 00:20:07.130 --> 00:20:11.290
  • because feelings are very...
  • 00:20:11.290 --> 00:20:14.200
  • So then it's figure out how to be empathetic and go
  • 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:16.250
  • "Yes, I'm sorry.
  • 00:20:16.250 --> 00:20:18.020
  • "I know that that's painful,
  • 00:20:18.020 --> 00:20:19.290
  • "and could you go put pants on."
  • 00:20:19.290 --> 00:20:21.270
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:20:21.270 --> 00:20:23.170
  • At the same time say,
  • 00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:24.120
  • "Come on, I'm here."
  • 00:20:24.120 --> 00:20:26.050
  • - And now it's time to get up.
  • 00:20:26.050 --> 00:20:27.030
  • - And get up.
  • 00:20:27.030 --> 00:20:28.130
  • "cause you just will stay there.
  • 00:20:28.130 --> 00:20:29.280
  • - But we all need somebody in our lives
  • 00:20:29.280 --> 00:20:32.020
  • that will tell us that.
  • 00:20:32.020 --> 00:20:33.220
  • Because sometimes people are so sensitive
  • 00:20:33.220 --> 00:20:36.200
  • that they don't wanna hear it
  • 00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:38.070
  • and it's really hard to hear it.
  • 00:20:38.070 --> 00:20:39.240
  • So you have to have a good strong person in your life
  • 00:20:41.090 --> 00:20:45.030
  • that will speak to that moment and say,
  • 00:20:45.030 --> 00:20:47.040
  • "Okay, I love you, I understand what you're going through
  • 00:20:47.040 --> 00:20:50.100
  • "but let's not sit here."
  • 00:20:50.100 --> 00:20:52.080
  • - They're believing you so much,
  • 00:20:52.080 --> 00:20:54.150
  • that they'll sit there with you
  • 00:20:54.150 --> 00:20:56.020
  • and believe in you too much to let you stay right there.
  • 00:20:56.020 --> 00:20:58.110
  • - I call them safe sisters.
  • 00:20:58.110 --> 00:21:00.030
  • I mean, I have and I can, if I'm,
  • 00:21:00.030 --> 00:21:01.280
  • you know, sometimes I still struggle with depression,
  • 00:21:01.280 --> 00:21:04.060
  • and I can text and it's like,
  • 00:21:04.060 --> 00:21:05.270
  • "Come on, I'm on my knees right now on your behalf,
  • 00:21:05.270 --> 00:21:07.260
  • "come on, remember,"
  • 00:21:07.260 --> 00:21:09.020
  • and remind me of what's always true.
  • 00:21:09.020 --> 00:21:11.260
  • If you struggle with depression at all,
  • 00:21:11.260 --> 00:21:14.150
  • you'll probably know this, that the holidays can be a time
  • 00:21:14.150 --> 00:21:17.100
  • where it's just much harder.
  • 00:21:17.100 --> 00:21:19.130
  • You know, you maybe go to the mall to get something
  • 00:21:19.130 --> 00:21:21.200
  • and you look around and everybody looks happy,
  • 00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:24.180
  • and everybody looks like they've got it all together
  • 00:21:24.180 --> 00:21:26.110
  • and they're all with their family.
  • 00:21:26.110 --> 00:21:27.290
  • And that can just make your depression or your loneliness
  • 00:21:27.290 --> 00:21:31.090
  • or your anxiety feel so much worse.
  • 00:21:31.090 --> 00:21:34.250
  • And I know what that's like.
  • 00:21:34.250 --> 00:21:36.210
  • I mean, I still,
  • 00:21:36.210 --> 00:21:38.050
  • man, I faithfully take my medication, I have for years,
  • 00:21:38.050 --> 00:21:41.120
  • but there's still times when I struggle.
  • 00:21:41.120 --> 00:21:43.220
  • But you know, one of the things that has really helped me?
  • 00:21:43.220 --> 00:21:46.200
  • I've learned the beauty of praying the Psalms back to God.
  • 00:21:46.200 --> 00:21:51.190
  • Do you know that that's been a tradition,
  • 00:21:52.230 --> 00:21:54.160
  • first of all for the children of Israel,
  • 00:21:54.160 --> 00:21:56.200
  • but all the way through church history.
  • 00:21:56.200 --> 00:21:59.050
  • I believe that God gave His people Psalms
  • 00:21:59.050 --> 00:22:02.020
  • so that they could give them back to God.
  • 00:22:02.020 --> 00:22:04.130
  • And if you're going through a hard time,
  • 00:22:04.130 --> 00:22:06.160
  • you will find a Psalm
  • 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:08.130
  • that you're able to pray out your pain.
  • 00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:11.050
  • You know, the Psalms are gut wrenchingly real.
  • 00:22:11.050 --> 00:22:14.020
  • If you're in that joyful place,
  • 00:22:14.020 --> 00:22:16.010
  • you'll find a Psalm that matches that.
  • 00:22:16.010 --> 00:22:17.210
  • But if you're in a place
  • 00:22:17.210 --> 00:22:19.120
  • where you find a hurt to find the words,
  • 00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:22.090
  • find one of the Psalms and pray that back to God.
  • 00:22:22.090 --> 00:22:25.190
  • Try and pray out loud.
  • 00:22:25.190 --> 00:22:27.060
  • Let your whole body,
  • 00:22:27.060 --> 00:22:28.230
  • your ears your mind, your soul, your spirit,
  • 00:22:28.230 --> 00:22:31.090
  • hear those words.
  • 00:22:31.090 --> 00:22:33.190
  • The first birthday after my mom passed,
  • 00:22:33.190 --> 00:22:36.140
  • I'm so used to my first phone call
  • 00:22:36.140 --> 00:22:38.070
  • being my little mom from Scotland calling
  • 00:22:38.070 --> 00:22:40.180
  • to sing in a completely out of tune voice happy birthday,
  • 00:22:40.180 --> 00:22:43.240
  • I look forward to every year.
  • 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.180
  • But after, I called my sister and I said,
  • 00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:48.110
  • "You're up now, you're it,"
  • 00:22:48.110 --> 00:22:50.020
  • because mom used to call me every birthday
  • 00:22:50.020 --> 00:22:51.220
  • and sing happy birthday,
  • 00:22:51.220 --> 00:22:53.090
  • so now my sister calls me and sings happy birthday.
  • 00:22:53.090 --> 00:22:56.030
  • - And it's okay to ask for it.
  • 00:22:56.030 --> 00:22:58.030
  • - It was like, I need this.
  • 00:22:58.030 --> 00:22:59.180
  • - So if you need some help around Christmas time,
  • 00:22:59.180 --> 00:23:00.220
  • why not cry out for help?
  • 00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:02.100
  • And to say, "Okay, I don't like being by myself,
  • 00:23:02.100 --> 00:23:04.280
  • "this is how get doing this time,
  • 00:23:04.280 --> 00:23:06.210
  • "can you please just check on me or call me
  • 00:23:06.210 --> 00:23:08.250
  • "or can I spend the day with you,
  • 00:23:08.250 --> 00:23:12.130
  • "can I get a cup of coffee?"
  • 00:23:12.130 --> 00:23:14.120
  • You know, bring it over to your house or whatever.
  • 00:23:14.120 --> 00:23:17.040
  • - Like, this is your opportunity from a place of knowledge
  • 00:23:17.040 --> 00:23:19.070
  • 'cause you've seen death and you've survived through it,
  • 00:23:19.070 --> 00:23:21.250
  • 'cause you've seen grief and you've lived to talk about it,
  • 00:23:21.250 --> 00:23:24.110
  • now, how are you gonna bless somebody else?
  • 00:23:24.110 --> 00:23:26.220
  • How can we be aware of other people
  • 00:23:26.220 --> 00:23:29.010
  • that are grieving this season?
  • 00:23:29.010 --> 00:23:30.160
  • 'Cause yes, we wanna talk to people that are grieving,
  • 00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:32.200
  • but some of us are not grieving this season.
  • 00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:35.100
  • How can we be more aware?
  • 00:23:35.100 --> 00:23:36.150
  • I would say to pause and think,
  • 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:38.180
  • who is someone I know that lost a loved one in December?
  • 00:23:38.180 --> 00:23:41.050
  • - Exactly.
  • 00:23:41.050 --> 00:23:42.050
  • - I would pause.
  • 00:23:42.050 --> 00:23:43.190
  • Who is someone I know that lost someone this year
  • 00:23:43.190 --> 00:23:44.260
  • and this is their first Christmas?
  • 00:23:44.260 --> 00:23:46.060
  • Could I take an hour to go on Instagram
  • 00:23:46.060 --> 00:23:49.190
  • and DM every single person that I...
  • 00:23:49.190 --> 00:23:52.180
  • This is something practical
  • 00:23:52.180 --> 00:23:53.250
  • with something that's in your hands.
  • 00:23:53.250 --> 00:23:55.050
  • This is not learning how to be a cook
  • 00:23:55.050 --> 00:23:56.220
  • and baking for the first time in your life,
  • 00:23:56.220 --> 00:23:58.120
  • that probably wouldn't bless somebody.
  • 00:23:58.120 --> 00:24:00.100
  • But, can you go on Instagram and just send a DM
  • 00:24:00.100 --> 00:24:02.230
  • to every person you know that lost someone this year,
  • 00:24:02.230 --> 00:24:04.280
  • that this Christmas is gonna be hard;
  • 00:24:04.280 --> 00:24:06.130
  • what you remember about their loved one.
  • 00:24:06.130 --> 00:24:08.120
  • Could you just encourage them?
  • 00:24:08.120 --> 00:24:09.190
  • Can you make that your mission this Christmas,
  • 00:24:09.190 --> 00:24:12.080
  • to make the people who feel like no one sees them,
  • 00:24:12.080 --> 00:24:15.010
  • your mission is to see them.
  • 00:24:15.010 --> 00:24:16.170
  • What could you practically do?
  • 00:24:16.170 --> 00:24:18.060
  • That could be something easy like a text,
  • 00:24:18.060 --> 00:24:20.080
  • a DM, a comment, that could be a gift,
  • 00:24:20.080 --> 00:24:22.240
  • a couple of girls at your church that maybe lost a parent
  • 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:26.010
  • or lost loved one this year,
  • 00:24:26.010 --> 00:24:27.190
  • give them each $10,
  • 00:24:27.190 --> 00:24:29.030
  • go to Goodwill and see who can get those outfits.
  • 00:24:29.030 --> 00:24:30.190
  • I don't know, be creative.
  • 00:24:30.190 --> 00:24:32.030
  • That's something I'd like to do,
  • 00:24:32.030 --> 00:24:33.210
  • we can do that.
  • 00:24:34.190 --> 00:24:36.080
  • You may not have the money or the resources,
  • 00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:37.260
  • but you have the time and the ability
  • 00:24:37.260 --> 00:24:40.080
  • to make someone feel safe.
  • 00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:41.130
  • So not just if you're grieving,
  • 00:24:41.130 --> 00:24:42.270
  • but think about someone else that might be grieving,
  • 00:24:42.270 --> 00:24:44.260
  • you can be the light of the world to them this Christmas.
  • 00:24:44.260 --> 00:24:46.220
  • - I love the way the Bible talks about,
  • 00:24:46.220 --> 00:24:49.020
  • to pray for others so that you may be healed.
  • 00:24:49.020 --> 00:24:51.260
  • that coincides with that give to somebody else
  • 00:24:51.260 --> 00:24:55.260
  • so that I can be healed on the inside.
  • 00:24:55.260 --> 00:24:58.120
  • You know, it's that out of that giving Spirit
  • 00:24:58.120 --> 00:25:00.240
  • and that thinking of others,
  • 00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:02.210
  • is treating somebody else the way you'd want to be treated,
  • 00:25:02.210 --> 00:25:06.210
  • and God ministers to you in a powerful way.
  • 00:25:06.210 --> 00:25:09.190
  • - If you are going through a hard time
  • 00:25:10.260 --> 00:25:13.010
  • this Christmas season, I am so sorry,
  • 00:25:13.010 --> 00:25:15.060
  • my heart breaks with you.
  • 00:25:15.060 --> 00:25:16.240
  • I can't imagine the pain you're going through
  • 00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:18.210
  • and I understand that I don't understand.
  • 00:25:18.210 --> 00:25:21.150
  • People around you might not either.
  • 00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:23.000
  • So, I just wanna pray for you
  • 00:25:23.000 --> 00:25:25.030
  • that you get a newfound kind of peace
  • 00:25:25.030 --> 00:25:28.250
  • and have some peaceful pauses this holiday season
  • 00:25:28.250 --> 00:25:33.250
  • that remind you who you are and how much God loves you.
  • 00:25:35.090 --> 00:25:36.270
  • I just wanna pray over you right now.
  • 00:25:36.270 --> 00:25:38.280
  • God, I just thank you for every person that's watching
  • 00:25:38.280 --> 00:25:42.010
  • whose heart is hopefully opened up a little bit more
  • 00:25:42.010 --> 00:25:45.080
  • than it's been.
  • 00:25:45.080 --> 00:25:46.220
  • I pray that you would speak truth where there has been lies
  • 00:25:46.220 --> 00:25:49.250
  • and healing where there has been hurt,
  • 00:25:49.250 --> 00:25:51.160
  • that you would bring a community around
  • 00:25:51.160 --> 00:25:53.250
  • whoever is feeling lonely,
  • 00:25:53.250 --> 00:25:56.000
  • that you would provide financial resources
  • 00:25:56.000 --> 00:25:58.030
  • for anyone who's struggling,
  • 00:25:58.030 --> 00:25:59.240
  • and you God ultimately would just remind them who they are
  • 00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:03.010
  • because of who you say they are.
  • 00:26:03.010 --> 00:26:05.280
  • In the name of Jesus.
  • 00:26:05.280 --> 00:26:07.130
  • Amen.
  • 00:26:07.130 --> 00:26:09.010
  • - [Announcer] You can call
  • 00:26:09.010 --> 00:26:10.080
  • the number on your screen right now
  • 00:26:10.080 --> 00:26:11.080
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:11.080 --> 00:26:12.270
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:26:12.270 --> 00:26:16.180
  • We love you but most importantly, Jesus love you.
  • 00:26:16.180 --> 00:26:19.090
  • - Some of the things that I do to enjoy my family
  • 00:26:21.010 --> 00:26:23.100
  • and my friends don't Christmas
  • 00:26:23.100 --> 00:26:24.250
  • is just to invite everybody over,
  • 00:26:24.250 --> 00:26:27.020
  • to just have a good celebration.
  • 00:26:27.020 --> 00:26:29.110
  • - Though I can tend to be so in that overcommit,
  • 00:26:29.110 --> 00:26:31.270
  • and it is kind of a yes man,
  • 00:26:31.270 --> 00:26:33.060
  • during December, I'm not.
  • 00:26:33.060 --> 00:26:35.180
  • I decide what my main priorities are
  • 00:26:35.180 --> 00:26:37.100
  • and I put all of my energy and effort into that.
  • 00:26:37.100 --> 00:26:40.070
  • - We go out to dinner,
  • 00:26:40.070 --> 00:26:42.020
  • we grab coffees,
  • 00:26:42.020 --> 00:26:44.130
  • sometimes it's just walking through the mall together
  • 00:26:44.130 --> 00:26:46.260
  • or going for walks together,
  • 00:26:46.260 --> 00:26:48.290
  • but it's intentionally connecting with people.
  • 00:26:48.290 --> 00:26:52.030
  • - We'll play board games,
  • 00:26:52.030 --> 00:26:53.260
  • we'll make cookies together.
  • 00:26:53.260 --> 00:26:55.120
  • One year, last year, we made gingerbread houses.
  • 00:26:55.120 --> 00:26:57.200
  • I mean, they were awful, but we had fun making them.
  • 00:26:57.200 --> 00:27:01.010
  • - [Announcer] Celebrate this holiday season
  • 00:27:01.010 --> 00:27:02.140
  • by catching up on Better Together episodes
  • 00:27:02.140 --> 00:27:04.230
  • with your family and friends.
  • 00:27:04.230 --> 00:27:06.030
  • Visit bettertogether.TV
  • 00:27:06.030 --> 00:27:07.290
  • to stream all of the latest conversations.
  • 00:27:07.290 --> 00:27:10.250
  • - [Laurie] Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
  • 00:27:12.070 --> 00:27:14.210
  • - I just think there's this drama sometimes
  • 00:27:14.210 --> 00:27:17.060
  • that comes when you bring families together.
  • 00:27:17.060 --> 00:27:20.090
  • - [Announcer] Watch Better Together weekdays
  • 00:27:20.090 --> 00:27:22.000
  • and Tuesday nights right here on TBN.
  • 00:27:22.000 --> 00:27:24.050