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Adult Male Suicide

Taking Care of Business

April 17, 2019

28:20

Taking Care of Business

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Adult Male Suicide

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HE TOLD ME HE WENT DOWN TO GO BUY A GUN.
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- HOW MANY PERSONAL PEOPLE I'VE KNOWN THAT
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HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE, I MEAN, THERE ARE SO MANY.
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- I HAD 45 MINUTES TO GET GLOVES AND BLEACH.
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I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SMELL.
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I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SEE.
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I'D SEEN IT TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
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- ONE GENTLEMAN HAD A SECRET.
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HE WAS INVOLVED WITH A MARRIED WOMAN, AND IT GOT
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FOUND OUT.
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HE LAID DOWN IN FRONT OF A TRAIN.
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CUT HIM IN HALF.
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ANOTHER MAN THAT I KNEW YEARS AGO HUNG HIMSELF.
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ANOTHER GENTLEMAN CUT HIS WRISTS AND LAID IN
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THE BATHTUB.
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THEY KNOCKED DOWN THE DOOR A COUPLE DAYS AND
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FOUND HIM.
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[MUSIC]
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TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS ...
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TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS ...
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[MUSIC]
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- KELLY WRIGHT: I'M KELLY WRIGHT, AND TOGETHER
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WE'RE TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS.
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THE DEATH RATE IN THE US IS THE HIGHEST IT HAS
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EVER BEEN IN IT ITSELF HISTORY.
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JUST LAST YEAR WE LOST 47.000 LIVES TO
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SUICIDE ALONE.
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THE HIGHEST NUMBER IN 50 YEARS.
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70.000 AMERICANS DIED FROM DRUG OVERDOSE.
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88.000 WERE LOST TO ALCOHOL ADDICTION.
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SELF-HARM HAS BECOME ALL TOO COMMON.
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WHILE MANY SADLY HOLD A GUN TO THEIR HEAD, OTHERS
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HOLD A BOTTLE INSTEAD.
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SUICIDE IN SLOW MOTION.
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DEPRESSION AND PAINFUL ADDICTIONS THAT ARE
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TAKING AMERICANS OUT IN THE VERY PRIME OF THEIR LIVES.
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[MUSIC]
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[MUSIC]
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- THE PROBLEM IS HUGE.
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WE'RE STARTING TO GET SOME NEW STATISTICS THAT
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ARE SHOWING, FIRST OF ALL, THAT OVERDOSE DEATHS
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HAVE NOW OVERTAKEN MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS AS
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THE LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH IN THE UNITED STATES.
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WE'RE SEEING SPIKES IN SUICIDES, ESPECIALLY
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AMONG WHITE MALES IN EARLY MIDDLE AGE AND
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INTO THEIR 60'S.
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THE PROBLEM IS HUGE.
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[MUSIC]
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- DEATH BY DESPAIR, I SPENT MANY YEARS WORKING
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AS THE PRIMARY THERAPIST IN THE MEN'S RESIDENTIAL
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TREATMENT CENTER.
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AND ONE THING I SAW WAS A LOT OF MEN REALLY DID
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START OUT WITH THE BEST INTENTIONS AND THE
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BEST PLANS.
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INEVITABLY THEY MAY HAVE AN ACCIDENT OR AN OLD
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FOOTBALL INJURY OR NEEDS SHOULDER SURGERY, AND I
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CAN'T TELL YOU THE NUMBER OF MEN FOR WHOM SOME TYPE
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OF SURGERY BECAME THAT PORTAL THAT LED TO A
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WHOLE OTHER WORLD OF ADDICTION.
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AND THERE WAS THE DEEP SHAME.
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THEY COULDN'T GET THROUGH IT.
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YOU KNOW, ONCE SOMEONE BECOMES AN ADDICT OR AN
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ALCOHOLIC, THERE'S NO GUARANTEES.
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NO ONE KILLS THEMSELVES SLOWLY WITH DRUGS.
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YOU GO FAST AND THEY USUALLY DON'T LAST LONG
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OR IT'S SO MUCH MORE INTENSE.
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ALCOHOL IS A MUCH SLOWER WAY TO GO.
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JUST AS TRAGIC, BUT IT TAKES LONGER TIME.
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THE ADDICTS GO A LOT QUICKER.
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I'LL TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE ADDICT I'VE EVER
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WORKED WITH IF HE OR SHE HAS NOT EVER
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CONTEMPLATED SUICIDE I DON'T THINK THEY'RE TRUE
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ALCOHOLICS AND ADDICTS BECAUSE OF THE STATE OF
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THE AFFAIRS THEIR LIVES GET INTO.
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I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE I'M HARDENED BY IT,
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BUT SUICIDE IT'S SO COMMON BECAUSE WHEN
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SOMEONE IS ADDICTED THEY COULD LOOK AROUND AND SEE
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THE PAIN AND THE HORROR, THE SORROW, THE
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DESTRUCTION THAT THEY ARE ACTIVELY CREATING, AND TO
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LIVE WITH THAT KIND OF PAIN ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU
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HAVE CHILDREN IN THE MIX, YOU HAVE WIVES WHOSE
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HEARTS ARE BROKEN, I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN PUT A
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NUMBER ON IT.
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[GUNSHOT]
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[MUSIC]
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- I NEVER WANTED TO GET INTO THIS.
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I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH
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ADDICTS, ALCOHOLICS, DRUG ADDICTS, ANYTHING TO DO
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WITH ADDICTION.
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MY FIRST HUSBAND WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.
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IT DESTROYED OUR MARRIAGE AND OUR DAUGHTER.
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IT WAS HORRIBLE AND SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN
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SEE COMING.
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HE WAS A FUNCTIONAL ALCOHOLIC, AND HE WAS
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JUST THE SWEETEST, NICEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND I
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ADORED HIM, BUT THE ADDICTION BECAME SUCH
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THAT IT WAS UNBEARABLE TO LIVE WITH.
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HE DIDN'T WANT TO LET GO OF IT, AND IT EVENTUALLY
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KILLED HIM.
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MY DAUGHTER WAS ABOUT FIVE YEARS OLD.
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HE WAS 36, AND HE TRIED TO DETOX HIMSELF.
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WE HAD SEPARATED BY THAT TIME.
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HE WAS SUPPOSED TO COME OUT FOR OUR DAUGHTER'S
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BIRTHDAY AND NO ONE COULD GET HOLD OF HIM.
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AND WHEN KNEW WHENEVER THERE WAS A TIME OF
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ISOLATION OR A TIME WE COULDN'T REACH HIM
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SOMETHING WAS VERY WRONG.
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SO THE FAMILY FLEW OUT TO TEXAS TO GO FIND OUT WHAT
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HAD HAPPENED AND THEY FOUND HIM.
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HE WAS ALONE.
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HE HAD TAKEN ALL THE ALCOHOL OUT OF THE HOUSE.
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HE WAS TRYING TO DETOX HIMSELF.
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HE WAS TRYING SO HARD TO GET HIS LIFE TOGETHER.
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AND HE DIED.
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HE HAD VOMITING.
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HE DIED OF A RUPTURED ESOPHAGUS OF ALL THINGS,
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AND THEY FOUND HIM ON THE FLOOR.
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THEY HAD TO BREAK A WINDOW OPEN TO GET HIM.
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[GLASS BREAKING]
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- ADDICTION AND MENTAL ILLNESS GO HAND IN HAND,
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AND YOU CAN'T TELL WHICH CAME FIRST.
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IS IT THE MENTAL ILLNESS OR IS IT THE ADDICTION?
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DEALING WITH AN ADDICTION IT'S A DISEASE THAT
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CONSUMES A HUMAN BEING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
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WHAT CAN I DO ..
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- IT'S A TOUGH DEAL. IT REALLY IS.
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PEOPLE THAT HAVE DEPRESSION THAT'S WHERE
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MOST SUICIDES THAT I'VE BEEN AROUND STARTS.
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THEY ISOLATE.
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AND THEY LET THEIR HEAD TALK TO THEM.
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I DON'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY.
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I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT GIRLFRIEND OR I DON'T
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HAVE ONE.
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YOU KNOW, LIFE IS JUST NOT WORTH LIVING.
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I HAVE NO PURPOSE.
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RESCUE ME ...
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- I CAME TO AMERICA TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE
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WITH MY MUSIC.
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I'M A MUSICIAN.
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I'M A SINGER SONGWRITER, AND I LOVE BEING WITH
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PEOPLE AND SING SONGS AND MUSIC THAT BRINGS HOPE.
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SO I MET THIS GUY CALLED DAVE, AND HE INVITED ME
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DOWN TO HIS COMMUNITY WHICH IS A WHOLE LOT OF
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PEOPLE LIKE ME, A LITTLE BROKEN AND YET
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KIND OF NORMAL.
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AND THAT'S THE THING, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE WHO ARE
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STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTIONS WHETHER IT'S
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DEPRESSION OR ALCOHOL OR DRUGS, THEY'RE
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NORMAL PEOPLE.
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AND IT'S THE MOST DELIGHTFUL EXPERIENCE FOR
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ME, AND NOW REALLY I'M PART OF THEIR COMMUNITY.
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AND IT'S MAYBE WHY I'M STILL HERE.
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[MUSIC]
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- JEFF WAS THAT GUY THAT KNOWS EVERYBODY IN TOWN
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AND EVERYBODY LIKES JEFF.
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EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE AROUND JEFF.
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AND HE MADE PEOPLE FEEL SPECIAL EVEN IF YOU
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DIDN'T FEEL SPECIAL.
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AND I WAS PARTICULARLY DRAWN TO HIM BECAUSE OF
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THE WAY HE HELPED MY SON WHO FELT LIKE AN
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OUTSIDER, AND HE JEFF WOULD JUST HANG OUT
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WITH HIM.
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IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT TO BE WITH MY SON JAMES THAN
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BE WITH THE PARTY.
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HE WAS THAT GUY.
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HE'S JUST SO SPECIAL.
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- JEFF AND I GOT STARTED WORKING TOGETHER BECAUSE
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I WAS PLAYING IN THIS BAND THAT WAS PLAYING FOR
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THE RECOVERY COMMUNITY IN A CHURCH SETTING, AND
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JEFF WAS MARRIED TO THE LEAD SINGER IN OUR GROUP.
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HE WAS A HEROIN ADDICT.
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HE WAS ABOUT NINE YEARS CLEAN AT THE TIME, AND HE
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ASKED ME TO START TAKING ONE OF THE 12 STEPS EACH
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MONTH AND TEACH THEM TO THE GROUP MIXING IN
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SPIRITUAL COMPONENTS.
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IT JUST CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR ME.
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I FOUND A GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO WERE RIGHT AT THE
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EDGE, AND THEY WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE ACTUALLY
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CAPABLE OF CHANGE.
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THEY HAD GOTTEN TO THE PLACE WHERE THEY WERE
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COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT AND AUTHENTIC IN THEIR
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LIVES, AND I JUST FELL IN LOVE.
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AND IT TURNED OUT THAT THROUGH THAT EXPERIENCE
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THESE PEOPLE BECAME MY BEST FRIENDS AND MY
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PARTNERS FOR THE NEXT 15 YEARS.
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THROUGH THAT, I GOT TO KNOW JEFF.
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I GOT TO KNOW THE 12 STEPS.
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I HAD TO BECOME EDUCATED IN ALL THIS.
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AS WE WENT FORWARD, WE OPENED AN INTENSIVE
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OUTPATIENT TREATMENT CENTER
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AND THEN EVENTUALLY A FULL DETOX AND
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RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT CENTER.
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- JEFF, HE'S LARGER THAN LIFE.
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HE'S OVERCOME HIS STUFF AND HE'S GOT HOPES AND
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DREAMS, AND HE'S GOT DAVE WANTING TO START THIS
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RECOVERY THING.
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WELL DAVE, HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE.
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HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH THIS RECOVERY COMMUNITY.
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AND MARION IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH DAVE,
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AND MARION IS NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH
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THE RECOVERY THING.
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- DAVE WAS EVERYTHING THAT I EVER DREAMED OF
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THAT I THOUGHT I HAD HAD WITH MY FIRST HUSBAND.
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HE WAS JUST A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.
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HE IS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.
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AND THE BEGINNING OF OUR MARRIAGE WAS NEWNESS AND
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BEAUTY, AND HE ACCEPTED MY DAUGHTER AS HIS OWN,
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AND IT WAS GREAT.
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WE WERE BLENDING TWO FAMILIES. WE WERE HAPPY.
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AND THEN MY HUSBAND FELL IN LOVE WITH THE RECOVERY
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COMMUNITY, WHICH WAS A BLOW TO ME BECAUSE I
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WANTED TO RUN AS FAR AWAY AS I COULD FROM ADDICTION.
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I DIDN'T WANT TO BE AROUND ADDICTS.
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I FELT THAT I HAD GONE ON WITH MY LIFE AND I WAS IN
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A BETTER PLACE, AND IT ALMOST DESTROYED
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ME IN THE BEGINNING.
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I THOUGHT YOU KNOW ME AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN
00:10:20.090 --> 00:10:22.190
THROUGH, AND YOU'VE SEEN WHAT IT'S DONE TO ME AND
00:10:22.210 --> 00:10:25.110
TO MY DAUGHTER, AND THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE TAKING ME?
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THIS IS THE PATH WE'RE ON RIGHT NOW?
00:10:28.040 --> 00:10:30.000
I THOUGHT IT WAS A CRUEL JOKE HONESTLY.
00:10:30.020 --> 00:10:34.210
AND THEN TO ADD TO THE CRUEL JOKE,
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HE STARTS A RECOVERY COMMUNITY WITH TWO
00:10:38.210 --> 00:10:41.050
RECOVERING ADDICTS.
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HE'S THE ONE "NORMY" BETWEEN THE TWO ADDICTS.
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[MUSIC]
00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:54.040
WHEN I WAS UNLOVABLE...
00:10:54.060 --> 00:10:56.240
LOVE FOUND ME...
00:10:56.260 --> 00:11:00.020
- JEFF WAS THIS LARGER THAN LIFE FIGURE.
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HE WOULD WALK INTO A ROOM AND JUST FILL IT.
00:11:02.280 --> 00:11:05.150
HE WAS FULL OF ENERGY TO THE POINT OF ALMOST BEING
00:11:05.170 --> 00:11:09.080
MANIC. HE ALWAYS HAD A PHONE AT HIS EAR BECAUSE
00:11:09.100 --> 00:11:12.210
HE WAS TALKING TO EVERYBODY ALL AT ONCE.
00:11:12.230 --> 00:11:15.060
HE NEVER STOPPED. HE WAS A WHIRLWIND.
00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:18.120
- JEFF, OUR FRIEND, WAS SOMEBODY WHO ACTUALLY
00:11:18.140 --> 00:11:22.010
HELPED ME FEEL OKAY ABOUT THE RECOVERY COMMUNITY.
00:11:22.030 --> 00:11:26.020
HE WAS THE BUBBLIEST, MOST EXTROVERTED,
00:11:26.040 --> 00:11:28.180
LOVING, SWEET PERSON.
00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:31.090
HE WAS FULL OF LIFE.
00:11:31.110 --> 00:11:33.240
JEFF COULD MAKE YOU LAUGH WITHIN 30 SECONDS OF
00:11:33.260 --> 00:11:35.250
STANDING UP IN FRONT OF HIM.
00:11:35.270 --> 00:11:37.110
HE LOVED TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH.
00:11:37.130 --> 00:11:39.070
JEFF AND OUR FAMILY AND HIS WIFE,
00:11:39.090 --> 00:11:42.010
WE ALL BECAME TRULY, WE JUST BECAME LIKE FAMILY.
00:11:42.030 --> 00:11:46.130
WE WERE A FAMILY.
00:11:46.150 --> 00:11:48.010
AND UM...
00:11:48.030 --> 00:11:52.240
HIS LOSS WAS MORE THAN HEARTBREAKING.
00:11:52.260 --> 00:11:59.050
UNCONDITIONAL...
00:12:00.050 --> 00:12:03.220
LOVE...
00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:07.200
- WELL, IT WAS JULY 4TH, AND MY WIFE AND I WERE AT
00:12:13.010 --> 00:12:16.230
A RESTAURANT AT DINNER.
00:12:16.250 --> 00:12:19.240
WE WERE WAITING FOR THE FIREWORKS TO START.
00:12:19.260 --> 00:12:22.270
I GOT A PHONE CALL, AND THE PHONE CALL WAS
00:12:22.290 --> 00:12:25.220
TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH JEFF.
00:12:25.240 --> 00:12:29.150
AND IT WAS HARD TO PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER AND
00:12:29.170 --> 00:12:31.080
HARD TO PUT THE DETAILS TOGETHER,
00:12:31.100 --> 00:12:32.220
BUT AS THE STORY STARTED TO KIND OF PLAY OUT,
00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:36.180
WE REALIZED THAT HE HAD TAKEN A TRAM INTO MEXICO
00:12:36.200 --> 00:12:41.020
AND PURCHASED DRUGS DOWN THERE AND THEY FOUND HIM
00:12:41.040 --> 00:12:44.260
ON THE STREET. IT WAS DEVASTATING.
00:12:44.280 --> 00:12:48.180
WHEN SOMEONE I THINK IS FINALLY TO THE POINT THAT
00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:50.290
THEY'RE READY TO TAKE THEIR OWN LIFE,
00:12:51.010 --> 00:12:52.240
THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT IT.
00:12:52.260 --> 00:12:54.080
THEY DON'T CRY FOR HELP.
00:12:54.100 --> 00:12:57.050
THEY DON'T TELEGRAPH ANYTHING.
00:12:57.070 --> 00:12:58.260
THEIR MIND IS MADE UP AND THEY DO IT.
00:12:58.280 --> 00:13:03.090
- SUICIDE IS A PART OF ADDICTIONS,
00:13:03.110 --> 00:13:07.010
AND IT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE
00:13:07.030 --> 00:13:11.000
ALCOHOLICS AND ADDICTS.
00:13:11.020 --> 00:13:12.270
I MEAN IF YOU ASK ME FOR AN OPINION OF WHY IT'S
00:13:12.290 --> 00:13:14.220
HITTING THIS PARTICULAR AGE GROUP OF MEN BETWEEN
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:17.290
40 AND 65, THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MY
00:13:18.010 --> 00:13:21.180
MIND IS THEIR ABSOLUTE SENSE OF DISAPPOINTMENT
00:13:21.200 --> 00:13:26.120
IN THEMSELVES. IT'S VERY PAINFUL.
00:13:26.140 --> 00:13:30.180
THEY GIVE UP.
00:13:30.200 --> 00:13:34.020
I BUILD A WALL...
00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:40.110
I WILL NOT GET HURT AGAIN...
00:13:40.130 --> 00:13:44.080
- JEFF'S DEATH JUST CREATED KIND OF A TSUNAMI
00:13:44.100 --> 00:13:47.070
THROUGH OUR COMMUNITY AND THROUGH THE RECOVERY
00:13:47.090 --> 00:13:50.100
COMMUNITY THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SOUTH COUNTY AREA.
00:13:50.120 --> 00:13:53.080
I THINK THE STATEMENT THAT I HEARD THE MOST
00:13:53.100 --> 00:13:56.220
BECAUSE JEFF HAD SUCH A WIDE RANGING IMPACT WAS
00:13:56.240 --> 00:13:59.220
"IF JEFF CAN WANT MAKE IT, HOW CAN I?"
00:13:59.240 --> 00:14:03.030
IT WAS DEVASTATING FOR THEM TO SEE SOMEONE THAT
00:14:03.050 --> 00:14:06.040
THEY ADMIRED SO MUCH COME TO THIS POINT IN HIS LIFE.
00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:11.100
WHEN WE LOST JEFF, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A HUGE
00:14:11.120 --> 00:14:14.040
BLOW, WE HAD ENOUGH OF A COMMUNITY THERE THAT WE
00:14:14.060 --> 00:14:17.070
WERE ABLE TO PICK UP THE SLACK.
00:14:17.090 --> 00:14:20.200
PEOPLE REALLY WERE GETTING HELP AND THERE
00:14:20.220 --> 00:14:22.290
WAS NO WAY WE WERE GOING TO STOP THAT,
00:14:23.010 --> 00:14:25.020
THAT THIS WAS OF COURSE PART OF JEFF'S LEGACY AND
00:14:25.040 --> 00:14:27.220
THAT WE HAD LEARNED SO MUCH FROM HIM IN THE
00:14:27.240 --> 00:14:31.030
PROCESS OF THAT, SO WE SOLDIERED ON.
00:14:31.050 --> 00:14:35.150
RESCUE ME...
00:14:36.150 --> 00:14:39.020
- JEFF IS ABSOLUTELY LIVING ON THROUGH THE
00:14:39.040 --> 00:14:41.020
WORK THAT WE'RE DOING, AND HIS NAME COMES UP ALWAYS.
00:14:41.040 --> 00:14:46.070
THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE WHO STILL KNOW HIM AND
00:14:46.090 --> 00:14:48.170
REMEMBER HIM, AND THERE'S A SENSE THAT HE IS
00:14:48.190 --> 00:14:51.170
PRESENT IN OUR ROOMS AND IN OUR INTERACTIONS
00:14:51.190 --> 00:14:55.180
WITH EACH OTHER.
00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:57.160
RESCUE ME...
00:14:57.180 --> 00:15:03.280
- LET'S FACE IT, NOBODY PREPARES YOU
00:15:06.180 --> 00:15:08.060
FOR MIDDLE AGE.
00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:09.220
YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOU'RE 50 OR 60.
00:15:09.240 --> 00:15:11.270
THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT LIKE YOU'D PLANNED
00:15:11.290 --> 00:15:14.070
SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
00:15:14.090 --> 00:15:15.220
YOU MEDICATE.
00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:17.230
MARIJUANA, OPIOIDS, ALCOHOL.
00:15:17.250 --> 00:15:21.010
FILLING A HOLE THAT IT CAN'T REALLY FILL.
00:15:21.030 --> 00:15:24.220
IT'S SUICIDE IN SLOW MOTION.
00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:27.230
- UNFORTUNATELY IN THE LAST FEW YEARS,
00:15:27.250 --> 00:15:29.110
I'VE SEEN FRIENDS WHO CONSCIOUSLY SEPARATE
00:15:29.130 --> 00:15:33.200
THEMSELF FROM THIS HIGHER POWER,
00:15:33.220 --> 00:15:37.020
AND THEY SEEM TO GO INTO A DARKER ROOM.
00:15:37.040 --> 00:15:39.160
AND I BELIEVE IT'S TRULY CONSCIOUS.
00:15:39.180 --> 00:15:42.070
AS THEY GO INTO THIS ROOM,
00:15:42.090 --> 00:15:43.210
IT GETS DARKER AND DARKER UNTIL THEY REALLY CAN'T
00:15:43.230 --> 00:15:46.290
FIND THEIR WAY OUT.
00:15:47.010 --> 00:15:48.220
I ALMOST THINK THAT THEY REACH A POINT WHERE THE
00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:51.160
HOPE THEY HAVE IS THAT THE NEXT LIFE WOULD BE AN
00:15:51.180 --> 00:15:54.080
IMPROVEMENT ON THE PRESENT AND UNFORTUNATELY
00:15:54.100 --> 00:15:57.070
IT'S TAKEN WAY TOO MANY OF MY FRIENDS,
00:15:57.090 --> 00:15:59.170
AND IT CAN BE MEDICALLY INDUCED BY THE USE OF
00:15:59.190 --> 00:16:03.260
ALCOHOL AND DRUGS, WHICH IS A SLOW WAY OF DYING.
00:16:03.280 --> 00:16:08.010
IT'S NOT AS ABRUPT AS PUTTING A GUN UNDER YOUR
00:16:08.030 --> 00:16:09.290
CHIN, BUT THE END IS JUST AS DEFINITE.
00:16:10.010 --> 00:16:13.250
IT WILL TAKE YOUR LIFE, AND IT WILL DESTROY
00:16:13.270 --> 00:16:16.150
THOSE ABOUT YOU.
00:16:16.170 --> 00:16:19.200
- LENNY WAS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE LARGER THAN LIFE
00:16:25.100 --> 00:16:27.160
CHARACTERS THAT LOVES PEOPLE.
00:16:27.180 --> 00:16:30.120
AFTER OVERCOMING ALL HIS OWN ADDICTIONS HE STARTS
00:16:30.140 --> 00:16:33.170
HELPING PEOPLE EVERYWHERE AND HE FINDS A GIRL,
00:16:33.190 --> 00:16:37.110
THE GIRL FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM,
00:16:37.130 --> 00:16:38.180
HE FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER AND HE'S HELPING
00:16:38.200 --> 00:16:39.280
EVERYBODY BUT HE FORGETS TO HELP HIMSELF.
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.260
- HE HAD THIS HUGE PERSONALITY,
00:16:44.280 --> 00:16:47.250
I MEAN JUST A HUGE PERSONALITY.
00:16:47.270 --> 00:16:51.070
HE WAS VERY OUT LOUD.
00:16:51.090 --> 00:16:54.070
HE WAS A BIG GUY, 6'-3, HAD A LOUD VOICE,
00:16:54.090 --> 00:16:57.250
BUT HE HAD A HYSTERICAL FUNNY PERSONALITY,
00:16:57.270 --> 00:17:02.070
BUT IT WAS NATURAL.
00:17:02.090 --> 00:17:05.050
HE HAD JUST TURNED 55 A FEW DAYS BEFORE HE DIED,
00:17:05.070 --> 00:17:08.130
AND HE FELT LIKE THERE WAS JUST SO MANY THINGS
00:17:08.150 --> 00:17:14.020
HE COULDN'T DO, THAT HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH,
00:17:14.040 --> 00:17:18.240
THAT HE WAS JUST KIND OF A FAILURE.
00:17:18.260 --> 00:17:23.150
WHEN WE MET, HE HAD BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR
00:17:23.170 --> 00:17:25.110
ABOUT FIFTEEN YEARS.
00:17:25.130 --> 00:17:28.030
IN THAT TIME, HE HAD WORKED WITHIN SOME
00:17:28.050 --> 00:17:31.130
TREATMENT CENTERS AND HE HAD GONE THROUGH ONE.
00:17:31.150 --> 00:17:35.040
THE LAST YEAR HE WORKED BACK IN THE RECOVERY MINISTRY.
00:17:35.060 --> 00:17:39.260
I TALKED TO SOME OF HIS CLIENTS AND THE IMPACT HE
00:17:39.280 --> 00:17:43.250
HAD ON THEM, AND HE WAS JUST SO AFRAID HE WAS
00:17:43.270 --> 00:17:46.240
GONNA MESS SOMETHING UP AND NOT DO IT
00:17:46.260 --> 00:17:48.230
WELL ENOUGH OR RIGHT.
00:17:48.250 --> 00:17:52.100
SORRY IF I SEEM A LITTLE DISTANT...
00:17:52.120 --> 00:17:57.170
MY MIND IS FAR AWAY...
00:17:57.190 --> 00:18:02.150
- BUT NOW I REALIZE THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ME AROUND
00:18:02.170 --> 00:18:06.080
HIM DURING THOSE DOWN SWINGS SO HE WOULD,
00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:10.000
HE WAS STILL GOING TO MEETINGS BUT HE WOULD
00:18:10.020 --> 00:18:11.220
KIND OF ISOLATE.
00:18:11.250 --> 00:18:13.260
SO ON MY BIRTHDAY THAT YEAR,
00:18:13.280 --> 00:18:15.280
I CAME HOME AFTER AN EXHAUSTING DAY AND WALKED
00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:19.040
IN MY PLACE AND HE HAD LEFT A DOZEN ROSES,
00:18:19.060 --> 00:18:23.070
RED ROSES FOR ME AND A GIFT CARD FOR A MASSAGE
00:18:23.090 --> 00:18:26.260
AND AN ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY CARD.
00:18:26.280 --> 00:18:29.270
IT WAS JUST LIKE OH, MY GOSH.
00:18:29.290 --> 00:18:34.120
I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND ON THE PLANET.
00:18:34.140 --> 00:18:38.110
AND I FOUND OUT LATER, WHEN THE FAMILY WAS GOING
00:18:38.130 --> 00:18:43.100
THROUGH HIS HOUSE, GOING THROUGH THE THINGS, THAT
00:18:43.120 --> 00:18:46.060
THEY FOUND A RECEIPT FOR THE GUN HE HAD BOUGHT,
00:18:46.080 --> 00:18:52.140
AND HE HAD BOUGHT THAT THE MORNING
00:18:52.160 --> 00:18:53.290
AFTER MY BIRTHDAY.
00:18:54.010 --> 00:18:57.260
SO AT THAT POINT, I'M GOING, OKAY, WHAT?
00:18:57.280 --> 00:19:01.110
THIS WAS YOUR GOODBYE TO ME?
00:19:01.130 --> 00:19:03.160
YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD WORK?
00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:05.150
THIS WOULD BE GOOD. WE'LL BUY HER A MASSAGE.
00:19:05.170 --> 00:19:08.220
SHE'LL PROBABLY NEED IT AFTER THAT.
00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:12.060
AND LOOKING AT THAT CARD, READING IT AND TRYING TO
00:19:12.080 --> 00:19:17.240
MAKE SENSE OF IT, AND REALLY BEING ANGRY
00:19:17.260 --> 00:19:21.190
AT HIM OF SERIOUSLY?
00:19:21.210 --> 00:19:25.270
YOU'D DO THIS FOR ME AND THEN YOU BUY
00:19:25.290 --> 00:19:29.140
A GUN THE NEXT DAY?
00:19:29.160 --> 00:19:31.120
IN ANOTHER TIME AND SPACE...
00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:36.190
SOMEBODY JUST LIKE ME IS TAKING MY PLACE...
00:19:36.210 --> 00:19:44.060
[MUSIC]
00:19:44.080 --> 00:19:51.230
- HIS BIRTHDAY IS THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS, AND
00:19:51.250 --> 00:19:55.060
WHEN I SAW HIM THAT DAY, HE REALLY LOOKED LIKE CRAP.
00:19:55.080 --> 00:20:00.190
I REMEMBER CALLING OUR PASTOR DAVE WHO'S ALSO A
00:20:00.210 --> 00:20:05.170
VERY DEAR FRIEND, AND HE WAS A DEAR FRIEND TO
00:20:05.190 --> 00:20:08.130
LENNY, AND SAYING, I'M CONCERNED.
00:20:08.150 --> 00:20:13.290
HE'S NOT IN A GOOD PLACE, AND I'M WORRIED.
00:20:14.010 --> 00:20:17.140
AND THE HURT INSIDE WAS COMFORT TO ME...
00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:25.250
- I THINK THE DEPRESSION WAS TOO GREAT.
00:20:25.270 --> 00:20:27.260
HE TOLD ME, HE WENT DOWN TO GO BUY A GUN.
00:20:27.280 --> 00:20:31.260
BUT I KNEW IN MY HEART THIS POISON WOULD KILL ME
00:20:31.280 --> 00:20:39.120
IN THE END...
00:20:39.140 --> 00:20:41.120
- I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM HIS ROOMMATE, AND
00:20:41.140 --> 00:20:45.100
THE POLICE HAD CALLED HIM AND SAID WE NEED YOU NEED
00:20:45.120 --> 00:20:48.210
TO COME IDENTIFY THE BODY, AND SO HE DID.
00:20:48.230 --> 00:20:56.010
AND HE CALLED ME ON THE PHONE, AND HE WAS IN
00:20:56.030 --> 00:20:59.180
TEARS, AND WE CRIED.
00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:02.050
AND IT LEFT A HOLE BECAUSE HE KILLED
00:21:02.070 --> 00:21:10.180
THE WRONG PERSON.
00:21:10.200 --> 00:21:13.200
THAT MAN HAD SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR.
00:21:13.220 --> 00:21:19.100
- YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY CALLED ME, I HAD 45
00:21:19.120 --> 00:21:21.200
MINUTES TO GET GLOVES AND BLEACH.
00:21:21.220 --> 00:21:24.050
I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SMELL.
00:21:24.070 --> 00:21:26.240
I KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING TO SEE.
00:21:26.260 --> 00:21:29.070
I'D SEEN IT TOO MANY TIMES BEFORE.
00:21:29.090 --> 00:21:32.060
BUT LENNY'S CASE WAS ESPECIALLY POIGNANT IN
00:21:32.080 --> 00:21:36.150
THAT IT WAS A CHAIR FACING A CLOSED GARAGE
00:21:36.170 --> 00:21:40.280
DOOR WITH OVERFLOWING ASHTRAYS ON EITHER
00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:44.190
SIDE AND A PISTOL ON THE FLOOR.
00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:51.090
HE MUST HAVE STARED FOR DAYS AT A CLOSED GARAGE
00:21:51.110 --> 00:21:55.100
DOOR UNABLE OR UNWILLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE TO
00:21:55.120 --> 00:22:01.280
ALL THOSE ABOUT HIM WHO KNEW HE WAS IN TROUBLE.
00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:07.230
I WISH I'D BEEN ABLE TO BREAK THAT DOOR DOWN.
00:22:07.250 --> 00:22:11.050
I WAS TOO SLOW.
00:22:11.070 --> 00:22:14.120
- AT HIS MEMORIAL, THERE WERE OVER 400 PEOPLE.
00:22:14.140 --> 00:22:20.210
I MEAN, IT WAS MASSIVE THE AMOUNT OF LIVES
00:22:20.230 --> 00:22:23.160
HE TOUCHED, THE AMOUNT OF
00:22:23.180 --> 00:22:25.170
HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT HE PROVIDED FOR PEOPLE,
00:22:25.190 --> 00:22:28.250
THE HOPE THAT HE PROVIDED FOR THEM.
00:22:28.270 --> 00:22:34.040
AND YET, IN HIS SUICIDE NOTE, HIS NOTE SAID, "I
00:22:34.060 --> 00:22:39.140
HAVE NO HOPE." I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT
00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.260
HAPPENS, THAT YOU CAN GIVE SO MANY PEOPLE SO
00:22:42.280 --> 00:22:46.080
MUCH HOPE, BUT NOT EXPERIENCE IT
00:22:46.100 --> 00:22:51.040
YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF.
00:22:51.060 --> 00:22:53.080
[MUSIC]
00:22:53.100 --> 00:23:02.130
- IF I WERE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN THIS
00:23:02.150 --> 00:23:04.250
POSITION, WHERE THEY HAVE NO HOPE, NO WAY TO MAKE
00:23:04.270 --> 00:23:08.230
THE HURTING STOP, THE THING THAT I WOULD TELL
00:23:08.250 --> 00:23:11.130
THEM FIRST AND FOREMOST IS TALK TO SOMEBODY.
00:23:11.150 --> 00:23:15.160
TELL THEM WHAT'S GOING ON.
00:23:15.180 --> 00:23:17.230
CONNECT WITH SOMEBODY. REESTABLISH HUMAN CONNECTION.
00:23:17.250 --> 00:23:21.210
- THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE STAY WELL IS WHEN THERE'S
00:23:21.230 --> 00:23:23.250
SOCIAL, SOBER SUPPORT, AND THERE'S RELATIONSHIPS
00:23:23.270 --> 00:23:27.260
OR THERE'S ACCOUNTABILITY.
00:23:27.280 --> 00:23:29.170
THEY NEED SPONSORS, THEY NEED MEETINGS.
00:23:29.190 --> 00:23:31.200
- ALL THE SUPPORT THAT I GOT FROM MY FRIENDS, FROM
00:23:31.220 --> 00:23:34.050
THE GRIEF GROUPS, FROM NINA, MY GRIEF COUNSELOR,
00:23:34.070 --> 00:23:38.230
THEY WERE THE ONLY THINGS THAT GOT ME THROUGH THIS.
00:23:38.250 --> 00:23:41.080
I WOULD NOT HAVE MADE IT.
00:23:41.100 --> 00:23:45.250
- EVERYBODY YOU MET TODAY ARE PART
00:23:45.270 --> 00:23:48.100
OF THE SAME COMMUNITY.
00:23:48.120 --> 00:23:50.130
THEY CAME TOGETHER WHATEVER NEED THEY HAVE,
00:23:50.150 --> 00:23:52.230
BUT THEY FOUND LOVE, AND THAT'S WHAT A COMMUNITY DOES.
00:23:52.250 --> 00:23:56.080
THAT'S WHAT A HEALTHY COMMUNITY DOES.
00:23:56.100 --> 00:23:58.070
AND IF YOU'RE NOT IN COMMUNITY, THEN I
00:23:58.090 --> 00:24:00.020
IMPLORE YOU GO AND FIND ONE, GO AND JOIN.
00:24:00.040 --> 00:24:02.210
BECOME PART OF SOMETHING, AND IF YOU THINK OF
00:24:02.230 --> 00:24:04.200
SOMEBODY RIGHT NOW THAT NEEDS HELP, THEN REACH
00:24:04.220 --> 00:24:07.100
OUT AND CALL THEM.
00:24:07.120 --> 00:24:09.060
YOU MAY JUST SAVE SOMEBODY'S LIFE.
00:24:09.080 --> 00:24:12.010
EVEN WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN, I NEVER THINK...
00:24:12.030 --> 00:24:17.090
- ALTHOUGH WE LOST LENNY AND JEFF, THEY LIVE ON
00:24:17.110 --> 00:24:19.050
THROUGH THE LIVES OF THE PEOPLE THEY TOUCHED.
00:24:19.070 --> 00:24:21.220
A COMMUNITY THAT THEY STARTED IS SUCH A
00:24:21.240 --> 00:24:24.050
FLOURISHING COMMUNITY.
00:24:24.070 --> 00:24:26.120
IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON, AND SO WE CELEBRATE
00:24:26.140 --> 00:24:29.130
LENNY AND JEFF WHEREVER YOU ARE.
00:24:29.150 --> 00:24:32.010
WE HOLD ON...
00:24:32.030 --> 00:24:37.030
- IT'S A SMALL RECOVERY CHURCH.
00:24:37.050 --> 00:24:39.210
THEY'RE A COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE, THOUGH.
00:24:39.230 --> 00:24:42.060
OUR PASTOR BELIEVES EVERYONE'S IN
00:24:42.080 --> 00:24:44.220
RECOVERY FROM SOMETHING.
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:46.170
SO REALLY, IT ENCOMPASSES EVERYBODY.
00:24:46.190 --> 00:24:50.180
- WE NEED TO CONNECT WITH SOMEONE.
00:24:50.200 --> 00:24:52.160
FROM THAT POINT, A LOT OF THINGS CAN HAPPEN, BUT
00:24:52.180 --> 00:24:55.080
YOUR WILLINGNESS TO BE VULNERABLE AGAIN IS YOUR
00:24:55.100 --> 00:24:58.240
ENTRE' INTO SOMETHING THAT YOU NEVER SAW COMING
00:24:58.260 --> 00:25:01.240
AND THE CHANCE FOR HEALING THAT YOU DIDN'T
00:25:01.260 --> 00:25:03.170
THINK WAS POSSIBLE.
00:25:03.190 --> 00:25:06.250
- IT'S A PLACE THAT YOU CAN BE VERY AUTHENTIC AND
00:25:06.270 --> 00:25:09.240
REAL AND VULNERABLE AND BE YOURSELF.
00:25:09.260 --> 00:25:15.260
- WE WERE ALL CREATED FOR COMMUNITY.
00:25:15.280 --> 00:25:17.260
IT'S THE NATURAL THING IN US.
00:25:17.280 --> 00:25:19.200
IF WE ISOLATE AND WE PULL AWAY, WE DIE.
00:25:19.220 --> 00:25:21.190
IT'S JUST HOW IT IS.
00:25:21.210 --> 00:25:23.200
BUT FOR YEARS NOW, I WAS DOING THESE PARTIES,
00:25:23.220 --> 00:25:26.100
PEOPLE'S BACKYARDS, TRYING TO CREATE LITTLE
00:25:26.120 --> 00:25:29.280
COMMUNITIES WITH MUSIC AND FOOD AND JUST
00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:33.020
SOMETHING HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE COME TOGETHER.
00:25:33.040 --> 00:25:35.010
AND SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO THAT, YOU KNOW?
00:25:35.030 --> 00:25:37.130
MAYBE YOU SHOULD INVITE SOME FRIENDS AROUND.
00:25:37.150 --> 00:25:39.060
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MUSICIAN OR AN ARTIST OR
00:25:39.080 --> 00:25:41.160
EVEN A GOOD COOK.
00:25:41.180 --> 00:25:43.100
JUST INVITE PEOPLE AROUND AND IT'S AMAZING
00:25:43.120 --> 00:25:44.270
WHAT CAN HAPPEN.
00:25:44.290 --> 00:25:46.220
[MUSIC]
00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:49.040
- PROGRAMS LIKE THIS, MOVEMENTS LIKE THIS, BRING
00:25:49.060 --> 00:25:53.180
AWARENESS TO THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT ALL WHAT
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:57.030
WE SEEM. THERE'S TWO OF US.
00:25:57.050 --> 00:26:00.280
THERE'S THE ONE WE WANT TO SEE OUR JOKING AROUND,
00:26:01.000 --> 00:26:04.080
AND THEN THERE'S THE FELLOW THAT GOES
00:26:04.100 --> 00:26:05.290
IN AND CLOSES THE DOOR.
00:26:06.010 --> 00:26:08.210
THAT PERSON SOMETIMES DOESN'T FEEL HE HAS
00:26:08.230 --> 00:26:10.160
ANYBODY TO CALL, ANYONE TO TALK TO.
00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:14.070
PROGRAMS LIKE THIS, MOVEMENTS LIKE THIS, ALLOW
00:26:14.090 --> 00:26:17.160
THAT PERSON TO KNOW THAT HE IS NEVER, EVER ALONE.
00:26:17.180 --> 00:26:22.220
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...
00:26:22.240 --> 00:26:32.040
- PUT DOWN THE PISTOL, WALK WITH ME TO THE BEACH.
00:26:32.060 --> 00:26:37.190
WE DON'T NEED TO TALK.
00:26:37.210 --> 00:26:40.060
WE JUST NEED TO LOOK.
00:26:40.080 --> 00:26:42.290
THIS ALL DIDN'T JUST HAPPEN.
00:26:43.010 --> 00:26:45.150
THIS IS WORTH SEEING.
00:26:45.170 --> 00:26:47.240
WALT DISNEY, HIS WHOLE MANTRA WAS "DO SOMETHING
00:26:47.260 --> 00:26:51.190
SO WELL THAT PEOPLE WANT TO COME BACK AND WATCH
00:26:51.210 --> 00:26:55.100
YOU DO IT AGAIN." WELL, THAT'S WHAT GOD HAS DONE.
00:26:55.120 --> 00:27:00.040
HE'S DONE SOMETHING SO WELL THAT WE WANT TO COME
00:27:00.060 --> 00:27:03.200
BACK AND SEE IT AGAIN.
00:27:03.220 --> 00:27:07.050
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Adult Male Suicide

Adult Male Suicide

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Adult Male Suicide

Adult Male Suicide

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