Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 11/2/18 | TBN

Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 11/2/18

Watch Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 11/2/18
November 2, 2018
57:25

Joel & Victoria Osteen host Dr. Gary Chapman, Chris Brown and Clayton & Ashlee Hurst at Spark Conference 2018.

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Praise | Spark Marriage Conference | 11/2/18

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  • MARRIAGE CONFERENCE FROM LAKEWOOD CHURCH ON TBN.
  • 00:00:02.100 --> 00:00:04.260
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:00:04.280 --> 00:00:11.220
  • - TONIGHT ON PRAISE, FROM HOUSTON, TEXAS,
  • 00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:14.230
  • CLAYTON AND ASHLEE HURST, CHRIS BROWN,
  • 00:00:14.250 --> 00:00:19.110
  • DOCTOR GARY CHAPMAN.
  • 00:00:19.130 --> 00:00:21.120
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:00:21.140 --> 00:00:25.160
  • - GET READY TO ADD SOME SPARK TO YOUR MARRIAGE
  • 00:00:25.180 --> 00:00:27.170
  • COMING UP NOW ON PRAISE.
  • 00:00:27.190 --> 00:00:29.260
  • - SPARK 2018.
  • 00:00:29.280 --> 00:00:31.110
  • HOW Y'ALL DOING?
  • 00:00:31.130 --> 00:00:32.200
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:00:32.220 --> 00:00:37.110
  • - JUST AS WE HAVE A PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE, WE
  • 00:00:37.130 --> 00:00:39.210
  • ALSO HAVE A PRIMARY APOLOGY LANGUAGE.
  • 00:00:39.230 --> 00:00:43.130
  • IN OUR RESEARCH WE FOUND OUT THAT ABOUT 10%% OF
  • 00:00:43.150 --> 00:00:46.000
  • THE POPULATION ALMOST NEVER APOLOGIZES FOR
  • 00:00:46.020 --> 00:00:48.130
  • EVERYTHING, AND MOST OF THEM ARE MEN.
  • 00:00:48.150 --> 00:00:51.290
  • I'M SORRY, HONEY, FOR THE WAY I TALKED TO YOU.
  • 00:00:52.010 --> 00:00:55.110
  • I WAS -I WAS -I WAS WRONG.
  • 00:00:55.130 --> 00:01:00.030
  • [LAUGHTER ] I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS EASY.
  • 00:01:00.050 --> 00:01:02.060
  • THE WIFE WOULD SAY, WELL, I WOULD FOR GIVE HIM IF
  • 00:01:02.080 --> 00:01:04.270
  • HE WOULD JUST APOLOGIZE AND HE WOULD SAY,
  • 00:01:04.290 --> 00:01:07.160
  • I DID APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:01:07.180 --> 00:01:09.270
  • AND SHE'D SAY, YOU DIDN'T APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:01:09.290 --> 00:01:11.180
  • AND HE SAID, I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY.
  • 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:13.130
  • SHE SAID, THAT'S NOT AN APOLOGY.
  • 00:01:13.150 --> 00:01:14.250
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:01:14.270 --> 00:01:16.150
  • - THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DIVORCE IN AMERICA IS
  • 00:01:16.170 --> 00:01:18.150
  • MONEY FIGHTS AND PROBLEMS.
  • 00:01:18.170 --> 00:01:20.070
  • WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT FINANCES ON A MARRIAGE THING?
  • 00:01:20.090 --> 00:01:22.020
  • UH-HUH.
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  • THE NUMBER ONE.
  • 00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:25.130
  • GOD SUPPLIED US WITH FINANCES TO BUILD OUR
  • 00:01:25.150 --> 00:01:28.010
  • MARRIAGES, NOT BUST OUR MARRIAGES.
  • 00:01:28.030 --> 00:01:30.000
  • JUST TO UNDERSTAND WE'VE ALL MADE MISTAKES.
  • 00:01:30.020 --> 00:01:32.030
  • RAZE YOUR HAND IF YOU'VE MADE A MISTAKE WITH MONEY.
  • 00:01:32.050 --> 00:01:34.000
  • YES.
  • 00:01:34.020 --> 00:01:35.140
  • YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?
  • 00:01:35.160 --> 00:01:36.220
  • OVER 12.
  • 00:01:36.240 --> 00:01:38.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:01:38.100 --> 00:01:40.030
  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR FINANCIAL POSITION IS BUT
  • 00:01:40.050 --> 00:01:42.040
  • YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THERE IS HOPE.
  • 00:01:42.060 --> 00:01:44.080
  • DAVE RAMSEY, MYSELF AND MANY OTHERS HELP PEOPLE
  • 00:01:44.100 --> 00:01:46.220
  • EVERY DAY TO DIVE OUT OF THE BIGGEST FINANCIAL
  • 00:01:46.240 --> 00:01:49.080
  • HOLES IN THE WORLD.
  • 00:01:49.100 --> 00:01:50.230
  • WHY?
  • 00:01:50.250 --> 00:01:52.050
  • BECAUSE THEY WENT BACK TO THE BIBLE AND THEY'RE
  • 00:01:52.070 --> 00:01:53.080
  • LIKE, OH.
  • 00:01:53.100 --> 00:01:54.180
  • GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
  • 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:56.130
  • - I HAD SOME UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
  • 00:01:56.150 --> 00:01:59.270
  • I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW HOW TO COOK.
  • 00:01:59.290 --> 00:02:03.080
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:02:03.100 --> 00:02:05.150
  • LIKE MY MOM, YOU KNOW.
  • 00:02:05.170 --> 00:02:07.050
  • THIS IS LIKE COUNSELING.
  • 00:02:07.070 --> 00:02:09.010
  • THIS IS GREAT.
  • 00:02:09.030 --> 00:02:10.110
  • - WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY ENCOURAGING.
  • 00:02:10.130 --> 00:02:12.060
  • PEOPLE ASK ME HOW DO I ACCOUNT THAT THE FIVE
  • 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:14.160
  • LOVE LANGUAGES HAS SOLD OVER 12 MILLION COPIES
  • 00:02:14.180 --> 00:02:16.170
  • AND BEEN TRANSLATED AND PUBLISHED AND 50
  • 00:02:16.190 --> 00:02:20.230
  • LANGUAGES AROUND THE WORLD.
  • 00:02:20.250 --> 00:02:22.180
  • AND I SAY WELL, THE SHORT ANSWER IS GOD, AND THE
  • 00:02:22.200 --> 00:02:26.000
  • LONG ANSWER IS GOD.
  • 00:02:26.020 --> 00:02:27.290
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:02:28.010 --> 00:02:29.200
  • THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
  • 00:02:29.220 --> 00:02:30.280
  • I DO THINK ON THE HUMAN LEVEL PEOPLE READ IT, IT
  • 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:32.290
  • HELPS THEM, AND THEN THEY WANT THEIR BROTHER AND
  • 00:02:33.010 --> 00:02:35.240
  • HIS WIFE TO READ IT AND THEIR SISTER AND HER HUSBAND.
  • 00:02:35.260 --> 00:02:38.050
  • BUT IT'S VERY ENCOURAGING, SATISFYING
  • 00:02:38.070 --> 00:02:40.060
  • AND HUMBLING THAT GOD WOULD TAKE A SIMPLE
  • 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:41.280
  • COUNSEL ACCEPT I DISCOVERED IN MY
  • 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:44.000
  • COUNSELING AND USE IT TO HELP SO MANY PEOPLE
  • 00:02:44.020 --> 00:02:46.020
  • AROUND THE WORLD.
  • 00:02:46.040 --> 00:02:48.050
  • WELL, THIS TIME I'M GOING TO SPEAK ON HOW TO DEAL
  • 00:02:48.070 --> 00:02:51.080
  • EFFECTIVELY WITH OUR FAILURES BECAUSE NONE OF
  • 00:02:51.100 --> 00:02:54.020
  • US ARE PERFECT.
  • 00:02:54.040 --> 00:02:56.290
  • AND FROM TIME TO TIME WE HURT THE PEOPLE THAT WE
  • 00:02:57.010 --> 00:02:59.010
  • LOVE THE MOST.
  • 00:02:59.030 --> 00:03:01.010
  • AND SO THIS INVOLVES APOLOGY AND FORGIVENESS.
  • 00:03:01.030 --> 00:03:04.040
  • AND THERE'S A LOT OF FUZZY THINKING ABOUT
  • 00:03:04.060 --> 00:03:07.020
  • APOLOGY, AND I'M GOING TO TRY AND HELP FOLKS
  • 00:03:07.040 --> 00:03:09.230
  • UNDERSTAND HOW TO APOLOGIZE EFFECTIVELY
  • 00:03:09.250 --> 00:03:11.270
  • BECAUSE WHAT WE'RE ASKING WHEN SOMEONE'S
  • 00:03:11.290 --> 00:03:14.080
  • APOLOGIZING IS, ARE THEY SINCERE?
  • 00:03:14.100 --> 00:03:16.210
  • BUT WE JUDGE SINCERITY BASED ON HOW
  • 00:03:16.230 --> 00:03:18.240
  • THEY APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:03:18.260 --> 00:03:20.190
  • SO THAT'S GOING TO BE THE GIST OF WHAT WE DO.
  • 00:03:20.210 --> 00:03:23.190
  • - AND NOW NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR
  • 00:03:23.210 --> 00:03:27.050
  • DOCTOR GARY CHAP MAN.
  • 00:03:27.070 --> 00:03:29.090
  • [MUSIC AND APPLAUSE]
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  • - THANK YOU.
  • 00:03:35.200 --> 00:03:36.270
  • THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
  • 00:03:36.290 --> 00:03:38.190
  • HASN'T THIS BEEN AN AMAZING CONFERENCE?
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  • WOW.
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  • [APPLAUSE]
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  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO HAVE A LONG
  • 00:03:43.270 --> 00:03:46.020
  • TERM HEALTHY MARRIAGE, BUT YOU DO HAVE TO DEAL
  • 00:03:46.040 --> 00:03:48.250
  • EFFECTIVELY WITH YOUR FAILURES, AND THAT
  • 00:03:48.270 --> 00:03:50.280
  • INVOLVES APOLOGIZING AND FORGIVING.
  • 00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:55.080
  • NOW, THE BIBLE IS REALLY BIG ON THIS TOPIC. LISTEN
  • 00:03:55.100 --> 00:03:59.030
  • TO THIS VERSE, PROVERBS 28: 13, HE WHO CONCEALS
  • 00:03:59.050 --> 00:04:02.070
  • HIS SINS DOES NOT PROSPER, BUT WHOEVER
  • 00:04:02.090 --> 00:04:07.020
  • CONFESSES AND RENOUNCES THEM FINDS MERCY.
  • 00:04:07.040 --> 00:04:10.250
  • THAT'S TRUE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BUT
  • 00:04:10.270 --> 00:04:13.140
  • IT'S ALSO TRUE ON THE HUMAN SCENE.
  • 00:04:13.160 --> 00:04:16.060
  • YOU ACT LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG, YOU DIDN'T DO
  • 00:04:16.080 --> 00:04:18.030
  • ANYTHING WRONG, TIME WILL NOT HEAL IT.
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  • NO.
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  • THE BARRIER STAYS THERE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
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  • A FEW YEARS AGO A COUNSELOR IN OUR CITY
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  • NAMED JENNIFER THOMAS MADE AN APPOINTMENT
  • 00:04:29.080 --> 00:04:30.290
  • TO SEE ME.
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  • I ONLY KNEW HER AT A DISTANCE, AND TO BE
  • 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:34.280
  • HONEST WITH YOU WHEN MY ASSISTANT TOLD ME SHE
  • 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:37.040
  • MADE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE ME, I THOUGHT OH, NO.
  • 00:04:37.060 --> 00:04:40.100
  • NOT ANOTHER COUNSELOR WITH MARRIAGE PROBLEMS
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  • BECAUSE COUNSELORS ARE PEOPLE, TOO.
  • 00:04:43.170 --> 00:04:46.000
  • BUT WHEN SHE GOT THERE I FOUND OUT SHE DIDN'T HAVE
  • 00:04:46.020 --> 00:04:48.080
  • A MARRIAGE PROBLEM.
  • 00:04:48.100 --> 00:04:50.180
  • SHE HAD AN IDEA.
  • 00:04:50.200 --> 00:04:52.080
  • SHE SAID, GARY, I HAVE USED THE FIVE LANGUAGES
  • 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:54.230
  • IN MY COUNSELING FOR MANY YEARS, AND IT'S HELPED SO
  • 00:04:54.250 --> 00:04:57.120
  • MANY PEOPLE.
  • 00:04:57.140 --> 00:04:59.120
  • SHE SAID, BUT I BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ALSO HAVE A
  • 00:04:59.140 --> 00:05:01.200
  • APOLOGY LANGUAGES.
  • 00:05:01.220 --> 00:05:03.290
  • I SAID, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
  • 00:05:04.010 --> 00:05:05.290
  • SHE SAID, WELL, I THINK WHAT ONE PERSON THINKS AN
  • 00:05:06.010 --> 00:05:07.270
  • APOLOGY IS NOT WHAT ANOTHER PERSON CONSIDERS
  • 00:05:07.290 --> 00:05:10.050
  • TO BE AN APOLOGY, AND I THINK PEOPLE ARE MISSING
  • 00:05:10.070 --> 00:05:12.040
  • EACH OTHER WHEN THEY TRY TO APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:05:12.060 --> 00:05:14.210
  • AND AS SOON AS SHE SAID IT I RESONATED WITH IT
  • 00:05:14.230 --> 00:05:18.210
  • BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN IN MY OFFICE FOR YEARS
  • 00:05:18.230 --> 00:05:20.200
  • ARGUING OVER WHETHER ONE OF THEM APOLOGIZED OR NOT.
  • 00:05:20.220 --> 00:05:23.140
  • THE WIFE WOULD SAY, WELL, I'D FORGIVE HIM IF HE
  • 00:05:23.160 --> 00:05:26.050
  • WOULD JUST APOLOGIES.
  • 00:05:26.070 --> 00:05:28.070
  • AND HE WOULD SAY, I DID APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:05:28.090 --> 00:05:30.220
  • AND SHE WOULD SAY, YOU DIDN'T APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:32.100
  • HE WOULD SAY, I TOLD YOU I WAS SORRY.
  • 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:34.100
  • AND SHE WOULD SAY, THAT'S NOT AN APOLOGY.
  • 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:35.270
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:05:35.290 --> 00:05:39.160
  • SO WE DISCUSSED IT FOR A MOMENT, AND SHE WAS
  • 00:05:39.180 --> 00:05:43.090
  • ASKING IF I MIGHT WORK WITH HER ON WRITING A
  • 00:05:43.110 --> 00:05:45.270
  • BOOK ON THIS TOPIC, AND I SAID WELL, FIRST WE
  • 00:05:45.290 --> 00:05:48.010
  • BETTER FIND OUT IF IT'S TRUE, YOU KNOW.
  • 00:05:48.030 --> 00:05:51.200
  • I SAID LET'S DO A LITTLE RESEARCH AND IF IT'S
  • 00:05:51.220 --> 00:05:53.170
  • REALLY TRUE, THEN MAYBE WE COULD WRITE A BOOK ON IT.
  • 00:05:53.190 --> 00:05:56.160
  • YOU SEE, WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO APOLOGIZE TO
  • 00:05:56.180 --> 00:06:00.270
  • YOU OR ME, WHAT WE'RE ASKING IN THE BACK OF OUR
  • 00:06:00.290 --> 00:06:05.010
  • MIND IS, ARE THEY SINCERE?
  • 00:06:05.030 --> 00:06:06.070
  • BECAUSE IF WE JUDGE THEM TO BE SINCERE, YOU KNOW,
  • 00:06:06.090 --> 00:06:07.110
  • THEN WE CAN FORGIVE THEM.
  • 00:06:07.130 --> 00:06:13.050
  • BUT LET ME ASK THIS FIRST, WHERE DO WE LEARN
  • 00:06:13.070 --> 00:06:16.000
  • TO APOLOGIZE?
  • 00:06:16.020 --> 00:06:18.200
  • TYPICALLY FROM OUR PARENTS OR SOMEONE WHO
  • 00:06:18.220 --> 00:06:20.200
  • SERVED AS OUR PARENTS.
  • 00:06:20.220 --> 00:06:22.210
  • LITTLE JOHNNY PUSHES HIS SISTER DOWN THE STAIRS,
  • 00:06:22.230 --> 00:06:25.020
  • AND HIS MOTHER SAYS, JOHNNY, DON'T DO THAT
  • 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:27.040
  • TO SISTER.
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  • GO TELL HER YOUR SORRY.
  • 00:06:29.030 --> 00:06:30.180
  • SO LITTLE JOHNNY SAYS, I SORRY, EVEN IF HE'S NOT,
  • 00:06:30.200 --> 00:06:33.100
  • I SORRY.
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  • HE'S 23 --THAT WAS A GOOD CATCH.
  • 00:06:35.240 --> 00:06:39.260
  • [LAUGHTER]
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  • HE'S 23 NOW AND IF HE OFFENDS HIS WIFE, WHAT'S
  • 00:06:41.260 --> 00:06:44.090
  • HE GONNA SAY?
  • 00:06:44.110 --> 00:06:45.150
  • I SORRY.
  • 00:06:45.170 --> 00:06:47.190
  • [LAUGHTER ] SHE PROBABLY HAD A DIFFERENT MOTHER
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  • WHO TAUGHT HER SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
  • 00:06:50.010 --> 00:06:52.150
  • WHAT WE REALLY DID WAS ASK THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE
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  • TWO QUESTIONS: WHEN YOU APOLOGIZE WHAT DO YOU
  • 00:06:55.150 --> 00:06:59.020
  • TYPICALLY SAY OR DO?
  • 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:03.030
  • SECOND QUESTION, WHEN SOMEONE APOLOGIZES TO
  • 00:07:03.050 --> 00:07:08.070
  • YOU, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE THEM SAY AND DO?
  • 00:07:08.090 --> 00:07:12.220
  • NOW, IN OUR RESEARCH WE FOUND OUT THAT ABOUT
  • 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:15.180
  • 10% OF THE POPULATION ALMOST NEVER APOLOGIZES
  • 00:07:15.200 --> 00:07:18.180
  • FOR ANYTHING, AND MOST OF THEM ARE MEN.
  • 00:07:18.200 --> 00:07:22.280
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:24.220
  • AND THEY LEARNED IT FROM THEIR FATHERS WHO SAID TO
  • 00:07:24.240 --> 00:07:27.040
  • THEM, REAL MEN DON'T APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:07:27.060 --> 00:07:30.290
  • NOW, YOU KNOW WHERE THEIR FATHERS GOT THAT?
  • 00:07:31.010 --> 00:07:33.040
  • JOHN WANE, THAT GREAT THEOLOGIAN.
  • 00:07:33.060 --> 00:07:36.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:37.150
  • REAL MEN DON'T APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:07:37.170 --> 00:07:40.070
  • AND THEN THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE ME, MY FATHER NEVER
  • 00:07:40.090 --> 00:07:42.270
  • TOLD ME THAT, BUT I NEVER HEARD MY
  • 00:07:42.290 --> 00:07:45.030
  • FATHER APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:07:45.050 --> 00:07:47.090
  • I REMEMBER I WAS 6 OR 7 OR 8.
  • 00:07:47.110 --> 00:07:49.070
  • I WAS IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR.
  • 00:07:49.090 --> 00:07:51.030
  • DAD WAS DRIVING.
  • 00:07:51.050 --> 00:07:52.100
  • MOM WAS IN THE FRONT SEAT, AND I DON'T KNOW
  • 00:07:52.120 --> 00:07:54.030
  • WHAT THE SUBJECT WAS BUT DAD GOT TO SPEAKING
  • 00:07:54.050 --> 00:07:57.170
  • LOUDLY AND HARSHLY TO MY MOTHER, AND MY MOTHER
  • 00:07:57.190 --> 00:07:59.220
  • JUST CLAMMED UP.
  • 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:02.120
  • LOOKING BACK ON IT NOW AS AN ADULT I'M THINKING MOM
  • 00:08:02.140 --> 00:08:05.080
  • PROBABLY KNEW IF SHE BO RESPONDED IT WOULD JUST
  • 00:08:05.100 --> 00:08:07.140
  • GO LOUDER AND LONGER SO SHE JUST WENT SILENT AND
  • 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:09.280
  • EVENTUALLY DADDY RAN OUT OF STEAM, AND I'M SITTING
  • 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:12.280
  • IN THE BACK SEAT NOT FEELING REAL WELL BECAUSE
  • 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:15.230
  • THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE ARE IN
  • 00:08:15.250 --> 00:08:19.030
  • THE FRONT SEAT AND ONE OF THEM SPOKE HARSHLY
  • 00:08:19.050 --> 00:08:21.080
  • TO MY MOTHER.
  • 00:08:21.100 --> 00:08:23.130
  • I'M NOT SAYING MY FATHER DIDN'T APOLOGIZE
  • 00:08:23.150 --> 00:08:25.040
  • TO MY MOTHER.
  • 00:08:25.060 --> 00:08:26.190
  • MAYBE HE DID LATER.
  • 00:08:26.210 --> 00:08:28.180
  • I JUST NEVER HEARD HIM APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:08:28.200 --> 00:08:31.070
  • SO I CAME INTO MARRIAGE WITH NO MODEL OF APOLOGY.
  • 00:08:31.090 --> 00:08:35.080
  • BUT 90% OF -AND I JUST SAY TO THOSE PEOPLE WHO
  • 00:08:35.100 --> 00:08:38.050
  • FATHER TOLD THEM THAT, LISTEN, YOUR FATHER MAY
  • 00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:40.140
  • HAVE BEEN A GOOD MAN BUT HE HAD BAD INFORMATION.
  • 00:08:40.160 --> 00:08:43.230
  • ALL OF US NEED TO LEARN TO APOLOGIZE.
  • 00:08:43.250 --> 00:08:46.180
  • BUT HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED AFTER WE ASKED THOUSANDS
  • 00:08:46.200 --> 00:08:48.270
  • OF PEOPLE THOSE TWO QUESTIONS.
  • 00:08:48.290 --> 00:08:50.200
  • WE FOUND THEIR ANSWERS FELL INTO
  • 00:08:50.220 --> 00:08:52.130
  • FIVE CATEGORIES.
  • 00:08:52.150 --> 00:08:54.160
  • AND WE LATER CALLED THEM THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF
  • 00:08:54.180 --> 00:08:56.270
  • APOLOGY, AND WE WROTE A BOOK CALLED
  • 00:08:56.290 --> 00:08:59.150
  • WHEN SORRY ISN'T ENOUGH.
  • 00:08:59.170 --> 00:09:02.140
  • SO I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THE FIVE LANGUAGES,
  • 00:09:02.160 --> 00:09:04.190
  • AND I WANT TO PROMISE YOU WE WERE NOT LOOKING
  • 00:09:04.210 --> 00:09:06.160
  • FOR FIVE.
  • 00:09:06.180 --> 00:09:08.290
  • I LIKE FIVE, BUT WE WEREN'T LOOKING FOR FIVE.
  • 00:09:09.010 --> 00:09:10.140
  • BUT HERE THEY ARE.
  • 00:09:10.160 --> 00:09:12.210
  • I SUGGEST YOU JOT THESE DOWN BECAUSE I'D LIKE YOU
  • 00:09:12.230 --> 00:09:15.060
  • TO DISCUSS THEM LATER ON IN THE DAY
  • 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:17.070
  • WITH EACH OTHER.
  • 00:09:17.090 --> 00:09:19.010
  • NUMBER ONE, IT'S EXPRESSING REGRET.
  • 00:09:19.030 --> 00:09:21.220
  • OFTEN WHEN THE WORDS I'M SORRY.
  • 00:09:21.240 --> 00:09:24.240
  • BUT DON'T EVER USE THE WORDS I'M SORRY ALONE.
  • 00:09:24.260 --> 00:09:27.280
  • TELL THEM WHAT YOU'RE SORRY FOR.
  • 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:31.000
  • I'M SORRY THAT I LOST MY TEMPER AND YELLED AT YOU.
  • 00:09:31.020 --> 00:09:34.020
  • I'M SORRY THAT I CAME HOME AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE.
  • 00:09:34.040 --> 00:09:37.180
  • I KNOW WE'VE MISSED THE PROGRAM AND I KNOW YOU
  • 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.030
  • WANTED TO GO.
  • 00:09:39.050 --> 00:09:40.230
  • IF YOU SIMPLY SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE, I'M SORRY, THEY
  • 00:09:40.250 --> 00:09:43.180
  • MAY WELL BE THINKING, YOU CERTAINLY ARE!
  • 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:45.240
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:09:45.260 --> 00:09:47.290
  • IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SAY.
  • 00:09:48.010 --> 00:09:50.250
  • YOU THINK YOU'VE APOLOGIZED.
  • 00:09:50.270 --> 00:09:52.280
  • THEY THINK YOU'RE GIVING A CHARACTER REPORT.
  • 00:09:53.000 --> 00:09:55.190
  • TELL THEM WHAT YOU'RE SORRY FOR, AND DON'T EVER
  • 00:09:55.210 --> 00:09:57.280
  • ADD THE WORD BUT.
  • 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:00.120
  • I'M SORRY THAT I LOST MY TEMPER AND YELLED AT YOU,
  • 00:10:00.140 --> 00:10:04.200
  • BUT IF YOU HAD NOT THEN I WOULD NOT, AND NOW YOU'RE
  • 00:10:04.220 --> 00:10:07.110
  • NO LONGER APOLOGIZING.
  • 00:10:07.130 --> 00:10:09.230
  • YOU'RE BLAMING THEM FOR YOUR POOR BEHAVIOR, AND
  • 00:10:09.250 --> 00:10:12.030
  • SOME OF YOU HAVE THAT HABIT.
  • 00:10:12.050 --> 00:10:14.120
  • AND I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO BREAK IT.
  • 00:10:14.140 --> 00:10:16.280
  • THE NEXT TIME YOU HEAR YOURSELF SAYING TO YOUR
  • 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:20.140
  • SPOUSE OR ANYONE ELSE, I'M SORRY THAT I DA-DA-DA-
  • 00:10:20.160 --> 00:10:24.160
  • DA-DA BUT, STOP RIGHT THERE AND SAY EXCUSE ME, HONEY.
  • 00:10:24.180 --> 00:10:28.080
  • ERASE THE BUT.
  • 00:10:28.100 --> 00:10:32.150
  • I'M SORRY I LOST MY TEMPER AND YELLED AT YOU.
  • 00:10:32.170 --> 00:10:34.250
  • AND YOU WILL NOT ERASE THE BUT BUT THREE TIMES
  • 00:10:34.270 --> 00:10:37.240
  • AND YOU'LL BREAK THAT HABIT.
  • 00:10:37.260 --> 00:10:40.040
  • YOU SEE, IT'S TRYING TO COMMUNICATE TO THE OTHER
  • 00:10:40.060 --> 00:10:42.060
  • PEOPLE THAT YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.
  • 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:44.220
  • ALL OF THESE ARE FOUND IN THE BIBLE.
  • 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:47.090
  • FOR EXAMPLE, PSALM 51: 17, A BROKEN AND A
  • 00:10:47.110 --> 00:10:51.070
  • CONTRITE HEART, OH, GOD, YOU WILL NOT DESPISE.
  • 00:10:51.090 --> 00:10:55.150
  • I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'VE DONE, YOU COME TO GOD
  • 00:10:55.170 --> 00:10:57.230
  • WITH A BROKEN HEART REGRETTING WHAT YOU DID,
  • 00:10:57.250 --> 00:11:01.140
  • GOD WILL FORGIVE YOU AND ONLY HUMAN BLAME WE MUST
  • 00:11:01.160 --> 00:11:05.010
  • BE READY TO FORGIVE ALSO.
  • 00:11:05.030 --> 00:11:07.030
  • SO EXPRESSING REGRET.
  • 00:11:07.050 --> 00:11:09.090
  • A SECOND IS ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY.
  • 00:11:09.110 --> 00:11:12.080
  • I WAS WRONG SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT.
  • 00:11:12.100 --> 00:11:16.190
  • NO EXCUSE FOR THAT.
  • 00:11:16.210 --> 00:11:19.260
  • I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY.
  • 00:11:19.280 --> 00:11:22.160
  • NOW, SOME OF US HAVE TROUBLE ADMITTING WE'RE WRONG.
  • 00:11:22.180 --> 00:11:27.080
  • THE FOLKS THAT HAVE MOST TROUBLE ARE THOSE WHO
  • 00:11:27.100 --> 00:11:30.000
  • GREW UP IN A HOME WHERE THEIR PARENTS SELDOM EVER
  • 00:11:30.020 --> 00:11:32.130
  • TOLD THEM WHAT THEY DID RIGHT.
  • 00:11:32.150 --> 00:11:34.230
  • BUT ALMOST EVERY DAY THEY TOLD THEM WHAT THEY WERE
  • 00:11:34.250 --> 00:11:36.290
  • DOING WRONG.
  • 00:11:37.010 --> 00:11:39.070
  • AND IN THE PSYCHE OF THAT CHILD AS THEY GREW UP
  • 00:11:39.090 --> 00:11:41.210
  • THEY SAID TO THEMSELVES, IF I EVER GET TO BE BIG
  • 00:11:41.230 --> 00:11:44.120
  • I'M NEVER GOING TO BE WRONG AGAIN.
  • 00:11:44.140 --> 00:11:46.250
  • AND THEY HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING THEY'RE WRONG.
  • 00:11:46.270 --> 00:11:49.210
  • I REMEMBER YEARS AGO WHEN MY CHILDREN WERE SMALL
  • 00:11:49.230 --> 00:11:53.290
  • BEFORE I WAS AS SPIRITUAL AS I AM NOW [LAUGHTER ]
  • 00:11:54.010 --> 00:11:58.130
  • I GOT UP ONE MORNING, I SAID TO MY WIFE HONEY,
  • 00:11:58.150 --> 00:12:01.210
  • WHERE'S MY BRIEFCASE.
  • 00:12:01.230 --> 00:12:03.220
  • AND SHE SAID, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
  • 00:12:03.240 --> 00:12:06.200
  • I SAID, WELL, IT WAS THERE BY THE DRESSER.
  • 00:12:06.220 --> 00:12:08.270
  • YOU MUST HAVE MOVED IT.
  • 00:12:08.290 --> 00:12:10.230
  • SHE SAID, GARY, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
  • 00:12:10.250 --> 00:12:13.010
  • I SAID CAROLYN, THINK.
  • 00:12:13.030 --> 00:12:14.240
  • I KNOW WHERE IT WAS.
  • 00:12:14.260 --> 00:12:16.100
  • WHO ELSE WOULD HAVE MOVED IT?
  • 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:17.190
  • I WENT ON 2 OR 3 MORE ROUNDS.
  • 00:12:17.210 --> 00:12:18.290
  • I WAS SCREAMING AT MY WIFE.
  • 00:12:19.010 --> 00:12:20.060
  • CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? ME.
  • 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:23.080
  • SCREAMING AT MY WIFE.
  • 00:12:23.100 --> 00:12:24.260
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:12:24.280 --> 00:12:28.130
  • I GOT THE KIDS IN THE CAR.
  • 00:12:28.150 --> 00:12:30.020
  • I WAS NICE TO THE KIDS DRIVING THEM TO SCHOOL.
  • 00:12:30.040 --> 00:12:31.220
  • I SAID, HAVE A NICE DAY.
  • 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:32.290
  • DA, DA, DA, DA.
  • 00:12:33.010 --> 00:12:34.150
  • BUT WHEN I GOT RID OF THE KIDS I WENT BACK TO BEING
  • 00:12:34.170 --> 00:12:36.050
  • ANGRY WITH HER.
  • 00:12:36.070 --> 00:12:37.190
  • I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF, HOW COULD I HAVE MARRIED
  • 00:12:37.210 --> 00:12:39.070
  • SUCH A SCATTERBRAINED WOMAN?
  • 00:12:39.090 --> 00:12:41.150
  • THIS TIME SHE'S LOST MY BRIEFCASE.
  • 00:12:41.170 --> 00:12:42.290
  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WHEN I GET TO
  • 00:12:43.010 --> 00:12:44.090
  • THE OFFICE.
  • 00:12:44.110 --> 00:12:45.210
  • EVERYTHING IS IN MY BRIEFCASE.
  • 00:12:45.230 --> 00:12:47.040
  • THIS WAS BEFORE COMPUTERS, YOU KNOW, ALL
  • 00:12:47.060 --> 00:12:48.200
  • MY SCHEDULE.
  • 00:12:48.220 --> 00:12:50.000
  • I DON'T KNOW WHO I'M GOING TO SEE.
  • 00:12:50.020 --> 00:12:52.060
  • WHEN I GOT TO CHURCH, I DID NOT WALK IN BY ALL
  • 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:53.280
  • THE SECRETARIES AND ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANTS
  • 00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:55.250
  • WE CALL THEM TODAY.
  • 00:12:55.270 --> 00:12:57.230
  • I WENT IN THE BACK DOOR TO MY OFFICE.
  • 00:12:57.250 --> 00:13:00.130
  • FOLKS, WHEN YOU'VE SINNED YOU DON'T WANT
  • 00:13:00.150 --> 00:13:04.160
  • TO SEE PEOPLE.
  • 00:13:04.180 --> 00:13:06.160
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:08.020
  • YOU WANT TO DO WHAT ADAM AND EVE DID
  • 00:13:08.040 --> 00:13:09.150
  • IN THE GARDEN.
  • 00:13:09.170 --> 00:13:11.180
  • GET YOU A BUSH AND HIDE BEHIND IT AND HOPE GOD
  • 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:12.210
  • WON'T SEE YOU.
  • 00:13:12.230 --> 00:13:14.140
  • I WENT IN THE BACK DOOR TO MY OFFICE, AND I
  • 00:13:14.160 --> 00:13:16.160
  • WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, AND THERE WAS
  • 00:13:16.180 --> 00:13:18.050
  • MY BRIEFCASE.
  • 00:13:18.070 --> 00:13:19.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:13:19.160 --> 00:13:21.010
  • NOW, I HAVE AN OPTION.
  • 00:13:21.030 --> 00:13:22.270
  • I CAN SAY TO MYSELF I'M NOT GONNA LET HER KNOW IT
  • 00:13:22.290 --> 00:13:25.080
  • WAS OUT HERE.
  • 00:13:25.100 --> 00:13:26.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:28.140
  • OR I CAN PRACTICE WHAT I'M PREACHING.
  • 00:13:28.160 --> 00:13:30.140
  • AND IF I HAD DONE THE FORMER, I OBVIOUSLY WOULD
  • 00:13:30.160 --> 00:13:32.220
  • NOT BE USING THIS FOR AN ILLUSTRATION.
  • 00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:34.160
  • SO I CALLED HER.
  • 00:13:34.180 --> 00:13:36.180
  • HI, BABE.
  • 00:13:36.200 --> 00:13:38.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:13:38.050 --> 00:13:39.210
  • I FOUND MY BRIEFCASE.
  • 00:13:39.230 --> 00:13:41.270
  • SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
  • 00:13:41.290 --> 00:13:43.180
  • SHE KNEW THERE OUGHT TO BE MORE TO IT THAN THAT.
  • 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:46.210
  • SO I SAID TO HER, I'M SORRY, HONEY, FOR THE WAY
  • 00:13:46.230 --> 00:13:49.130
  • I TALKED TO YOU.
  • 00:13:49.150 --> 00:13:51.170
  • I WAS -I WAS -I WAS -I WAS WRONG.
  • 00:13:51.190 --> 00:13:56.130
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:13:56.150 --> 00:13:58.080
  • I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS EASY.
  • 00:13:58.100 --> 00:14:00.080
  • LET'S JUST SEE IF WE CAN ALL SAY IT OUT LOUD.
  • 00:14:00.100 --> 00:14:02.070
  • - TOGETHER: I WAS WRONG.
  • 00:14:02.090 --> 00:14:05.130
  • - SEE, SOME OF YOU HAD TROUBLE EVEN ON A DRY RUN.
  • 00:14:05.150 --> 00:14:13.200
  • - OH, YES.
  • 00:14:13.220 --> 00:14:15.230
  • THAT WAS HUGE FOR US TO LEARN OUR LOVE LANGUAGE.
  • 00:14:15.250 --> 00:14:17.030
  • THAT WAS A HUGE TURNING POINT IN OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:14:17.050 --> 00:14:18.220
  • MINE IS QUALITY TIME AND CLAYTON'S IS ACTS OF
  • 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:22.220
  • SERVICE AND WORDS OF AFFIRMATION IS HOW
  • 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:24.160
  • HE RECEIVES.
  • 00:14:24.180 --> 00:14:28.090
  • - FOR MY WIFE IT IS TIME SPENT, PHYSICAL TOUCH,
  • 00:14:28.110 --> 00:14:31.060
  • WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
  • 00:14:31.080 --> 00:14:33.280
  • - HIS LOVE LANGUAGE IS WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
  • 00:14:34.000 --> 00:14:36.190
  • - AND ACTUALLY THE CONCEPT OF LOVE LANGUAGES
  • 00:14:36.210 --> 00:14:39.210
  • IS AWESOME BECAUSE YOU INSTANTLY IDENTIFY AND
  • 00:14:39.230 --> 00:14:42.110
  • KNOW LIKE HIS LOVE LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF
  • 00:14:42.130 --> 00:14:45.180
  • SERVICE HANDS DOWN.
  • 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.050
  • - YEAH, IF SHE WANTS TO SHOW HER LOVE TO ME, JUST
  • 00:14:48.070 --> 00:14:50.070
  • DO SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO SAVE MY TIME, MAKE ME
  • 00:14:50.090 --> 00:14:52.150
  • MORE PRODUCTIVE.
  • 00:14:52.170 --> 00:14:54.200
  • THAT'S AN INCREDIBLE WAY TO SHOW IT.
  • 00:14:54.220 --> 00:14:56.180
  • - THAT IS YOUR NUMBER ONE.
  • 00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:58.030
  • - AND HERS IS WORDS OF AFFIRMATION SO THAT'S HOW
  • 00:14:58.050 --> 00:14:59.220
  • I MANIPULATE HER.
  • 00:14:59.240 --> 00:15:01.050
  • - IT'S SO TRUE.
  • 00:15:01.070 --> 00:15:03.010
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:15:03.030 --> 00:15:06.010
  • - MY LOVE LANGUAGE IS WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
  • 00:15:06.030 --> 00:15:08.220
  • THAT'S WHY BEFORE I LEFT FOR THE AIRPORT TO COME
  • 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:11.200
  • HERE, I TOOK THE TRASH OUTSIDE, OKAY.
  • 00:15:11.220 --> 00:15:14.120
  • I KNEW SHE'D COME IN, SEE THAT TRUE TRASH BAG IN
  • 00:15:14.140 --> 00:15:16.230
  • THERE AND SHE WOULD SAY HE LOVES ME.
  • 00:15:16.250 --> 00:15:19.160
  • SO SHE TELLS ME WHAT A GREAT HUSBAND I AM.
  • 00:15:19.180 --> 00:15:22.190
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:15:22.210 --> 00:15:24.190
  • I WISHED WE'D KNOWN THAT IN THE EARLY YEARS OF
  • 00:15:24.210 --> 00:15:26.060
  • OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:28.080
  • - NO, WE THINK THAT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST
  • 00:15:28.100 --> 00:15:30.090
  • REVOLUTIONARY THINGS THAT HAS EVER BEEN TAUGHT FOR
  • 00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:32.020
  • COUPLES IS GARY'S LOVE LANGUAGES.
  • 00:15:32.040 --> 00:15:33.080
  • - YES.
  • 00:15:33.100 --> 00:15:34.280
  • - NUMBER THREE IS OFFERING TO
  • 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:36.230
  • MAKE RESTITUTION.
  • 00:15:36.250 --> 00:15:38.190
  • THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT ZACCHEUS DID IN LUKE 19:8.
  • 00:15:38.210 --> 00:15:43.010
  • LORD, HE SAID, IF I'VE CHEATED ANYONE I'M GOING
  • 00:15:43.030 --> 00:15:45.270
  • TO PAY THEM BACK 4 TIMES WHAT I TOOK.
  • 00:15:45.290 --> 00:15:47.140
  • THAT'S RESTITUTION.
  • 00:15:47.160 --> 00:15:50.030
  • I SENT THE MANUSCRIPT OF THIS BOOK TO A FRIEND OF
  • 00:15:50.050 --> 00:15:53.170
  • MINE WHOSE A COUNSELOR IN CALIFORNIA.
  • 00:15:53.190 --> 00:15:55.170
  • AND I SAID, WOULD YOU JUST READ THE MANUSCRIPT
  • 00:15:55.190 --> 00:15:58.030
  • AND GIVE US FEEDBACK BEFORE WE SEND THIS TO
  • 00:15:58.050 --> 00:15:59.290
  • THE PUBLISHER?
  • 00:16:00.030 --> 00:16:01.220
  • HE WROTE BACK, HE SAID GARY, MAN, THIS THING IS
  • 00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:04.030
  • HELPING ME AND MY WIFE.
  • 00:16:04.050 --> 00:16:06.070
  • HE SAID, SHE AGREED SHE'D LIKE TO READ IT WITH ME,
  • 00:16:06.090 --> 00:16:08.070
  • SO WE STARTED READING IT, AND HE SAID I GOT TO THAT
  • 00:16:08.090 --> 00:16:10.110
  • FIRST ONE OF EXPRESSING REGRET, I'M SORRY, AND I
  • 00:16:10.130 --> 00:16:12.100
  • SAID I KNEW THAT'S WHAT I CONSIDER TO BE A
  • 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:13.270
  • SINCERE APOLOGY.
  • 00:16:13.290 --> 00:16:17.240
  • HE SAID, SO WHAT HAVE I DONE FOR IS 15 YEARS IN
  • 00:16:17.260 --> 00:16:21.070
  • OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:16:21.090 --> 00:16:23.110
  • IF I OFFEND HER, I TELL HER I'M SORRY.
  • 00:16:23.130 --> 00:16:25.140
  • AND IT'S ALWAYS SEEMED TO ME SHE COULDN'T
  • 00:16:25.160 --> 00:16:27.180
  • LET IT GO.
  • 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:29.150
  • IT JUST SEEMED LIKE SHE'D SOMETIMES VERBALIZE
  • 00:16:29.170 --> 00:16:32.040
  • FORGIVENESS BUT IT JUST SEEMED LIKE SHE COULDN'T
  • 00:16:32.060 --> 00:16:33.170
  • LET IT GO.
  • 00:16:33.190 --> 00:16:35.240
  • HE SAID, WE GOT TO THIS ONE, OFFERING TO MAKE
  • 00:16:35.260 --> 00:16:38.110
  • RESTITUTION, AND SHE SAID TO ME, THIS IS WHAT I'VE
  • 00:16:38.130 --> 00:16:42.060
  • BEEN WAITING FOR FOR 15 YEARS.
  • 00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:45.080
  • [LAUGHTER ] YOU HAVE NEVER EVER OFFERED TO
  • 00:16:45.100 --> 00:16:47.200
  • MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
  • 00:16:47.220 --> 00:16:49.120
  • HE SAID, GARY, IT NEVER CROSSED MY MIND.
  • 00:16:49.140 --> 00:16:51.100
  • HE SAID, BUT NOW, I DO.
  • 00:16:51.120 --> 00:16:53.070
  • AND HE SAID, SHE ALWAYS HAS AN IDEA.
  • 00:16:53.090 --> 00:16:55.180
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:58.070
  • AND WHEN I DO IT, SHE CAN LET IT GO.
  • 00:16:58.090 --> 00:17:00.240
  • SHE CAN FREELY FORGIVE ME.
  • 00:17:00.260 --> 00:17:02.140
  • YOU SEE, IN HER MIND HE HAD NEVER BEEN SINCERE IN
  • 00:17:02.160 --> 00:17:04.190
  • HIS APOLOGY.
  • 00:17:04.210 --> 00:17:06.290
  • NOW, LET ME JUST SAY THIS.
  • 00:17:07.010 --> 00:17:08.270
  • IT'S NOT SIMPLY THE IDEA THAT YOU JUST SPEAK THE
  • 00:17:08.290 --> 00:17:10.270
  • ONE APOLOGY LANGUAGE OF THE OTHER PERSON.
  • 00:17:10.290 --> 00:17:13.020
  • IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE NATURE OF THE OFFENSE.
  • 00:17:13.040 --> 00:17:15.150
  • THE BIGGER THE OFFENSE, YOU JUST OUGHT TO USE ALL
  • 00:17:15.170 --> 00:17:18.120
  • FIVE OF THEM, OKAY?
  • 00:17:18.140 --> 00:17:19.280
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.120
  • FOR EXAMPLE, I KNOW YOU GUYS WOULD NEVER DO THIS
  • 00:17:22.140 --> 00:17:24.160
  • BUT LET'S SAY THAT YOU FORGET
  • 00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:26.050
  • YOUR ANNIVERSARY.
  • 00:17:26.070 --> 00:17:28.070
  • NO CANDY.
  • 00:17:28.090 --> 00:17:29.280
  • NO FLOWERS, NO DINNER.
  • 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:31.060
  • NOTHING.
  • 00:17:31.080 --> 00:17:32.170
  • AND YOU'RE SITTING THERE THAT NIGHT AND YOU LOOK
  • 00:17:32.190 --> 00:17:34.210
  • OVER ON THE COUCH AND SHE'S CRYING, AND YOU
  • 00:17:34.230 --> 00:17:36.140
  • SAY, HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
  • 00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:38.140
  • AND SHE SAYS, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T KNOW
  • 00:17:38.160 --> 00:17:40.100
  • WHAT'S WRONG.
  • 00:17:40.120 --> 00:17:42.180
  • I DOUBT THAT I'M SORRY I WAS WRONG IS GOING
  • 00:17:42.200 --> 00:17:44.160
  • TO HACK IT.
  • 00:17:44.180 --> 00:17:46.290
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:17:47.010 --> 00:17:48.170
  • BUT IF YOU GIVE THOSE AND SAY LOOK, I KNOW WE CAN'T
  • 00:17:48.190 --> 00:17:50.070
  • CELEBRATE TODAY AND HONEY, I DID THINK ABOUT
  • 00:17:50.090 --> 00:17:51.180
  • EARLIER, BUT I'M WRONG, HONEY, I'M WRONG.
  • 00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.010
  • I'M WRONG.
  • 00:17:53.030 --> 00:17:54.190
  • WE CAN STILL CELEBRATE, HONEY.
  • 00:17:54.210 --> 00:17:57.160
  • HOW WITH CAN WE CELEBRATE?
  • 00:17:57.180 --> 00:17:59.220
  • SHE'LL HAVE AN IDEA.
  • 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:03.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:18:03.050 --> 00:18:04.240
  • A LITTLE TRIP TO HAWAII JUST MIGHT DO IT.
  • 00:18:04.260 --> 00:18:06.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:10.090
  • OFFERING TO MAKE RESTITUTION.
  • 00:18:10.110 --> 00:18:11.290
  • NUMBER 4, GENUINELY REPENTING.
  • 00:18:12.010 --> 00:18:14.230
  • TURNING AWAY FROM THE BEHAVIOR.
  • 00:18:14.250 --> 00:18:18.270
  • EXPRESSING THE DESIRE TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR.
  • 00:18:18.290 --> 00:18:23.000
  • MANY OF YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS.
  • 00:18:23.020 --> 00:18:26.240
  • YOUR SPOUSE DOES SOMETHING THAT'S OFFENSIVE,
  • 00:18:26.260 --> 00:18:29.270
  • THEN THEY APOLOGIZE TO YOU, YOU FORGIVE THEM,
  • 00:18:29.290 --> 00:18:31.290
  • THEY DO THE SAME THING NEXT MONTH AND THE SAME
  • 00:18:32.010 --> 00:18:33.150
  • THING NEXT MONTH.
  • 00:18:33.170 --> 00:18:34.290
  • AND EVERY TIME THEY APOLOGIZE AND SAY THEY'RE
  • 00:18:35.010 --> 00:18:36.280
  • SORRY, AND AFTER A WHILE YOU GET TO THINKING, HOW
  • 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:38.270
  • CAN YOU BE SORRY AND KEEP ON DOING IT?
  • 00:18:38.290 --> 00:18:42.130
  • FOR SOME PEOPLE, IT'S EXPRESSING THE DESIRE TO
  • 00:18:42.150 --> 00:18:45.040
  • CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR THAT LEADS THEM TO
  • 00:18:45.060 --> 00:18:47.170
  • MAKE IT EASY TO FORGIVE.
  • 00:18:47.190 --> 00:18:50.220
  • A LADY WAS SITTING IN MY OFFICE, AND I SHARED THIS
  • 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:53.240
  • WITH HER BEFORE WE EVER RELEASED THE BOOK, AND
  • 00:18:53.260 --> 00:18:57.020
  • SHE SAID WELL GARY, I CAN GIVE YOU A PERFECT
  • 00:18:57.040 --> 00:18:58.250
  • EXAMPLE OF THAT IN OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:18:58.270 --> 00:19:02.050
  • SHE SAID SEVERAL YEARS AGO WHEN OUR BABY WAS
  • 00:19:02.070 --> 00:19:05.230
  • LITTLE, ABOUT 18 MONTHS OLD, SHE SAID MY HUSBAND
  • 00:19:05.250 --> 00:19:09.140
  • LOST HIS TEMPER WITH THE BABY.
  • 00:19:09.160 --> 00:19:11.240
  • THE BABY WAS CRYING, HE DID EVERYTHING HE COULD
  • 00:19:11.260 --> 00:19:14.290
  • TO GET THE BABY TO STOP CRYING AND THE BABY
  • 00:19:15.010 --> 00:19:16.260
  • WOULDN'T STOP CRYING, AND HE GOT ANGRY AND
  • 00:19:16.280 --> 00:19:18.210
  • LOST IT WITH OUR BABY. HE PICKED UP OUR BABY
  • 00:19:18.230 --> 00:19:21.050
  • AND HE STARTED SHAKING THAT BABY.
  • 00:19:21.070 --> 00:19:23.190
  • AND WHEN HE DID, SHE SAID I GRABBED OUR BABY AND
  • 00:19:23.210 --> 00:19:25.200
  • SAID DON'T DO THAT TO OUR BABY! AND I RAN TO THE
  • 00:19:25.220 --> 00:19:27.200
  • BEDROOM JUST SOBBING.
  • 00:19:27.220 --> 00:19:30.140
  • AND SHE SAID PROBABLY TEN MINUTES LATER, HE KNOCKED
  • 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:33.290
  • ON THE DOOR AND ASKED ME IF HE COULD COME IN.
  • 00:19:34.010 --> 00:19:37.150
  • AND HE WALKED IN THE DOOR AND STARTED CRYING.
  • 00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:42.110
  • HE SAID [SOBBING] HONEY, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT.
  • 00:19:42.130 --> 00:19:46.220
  • YOU KNOW I LOVE OUR BABY!
  • 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:50.210
  • AND I DON'T EVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN.
  • 00:19:50.230 --> 00:19:55.030
  • CAN YOU HELP ME? CAN WE SIT DOWN AND TALK?
  • 00:19:55.050 --> 00:19:58.090
  • YOU CAN HELP ME GET AN IDEA SO I WON'T DO THAT AGAIN.
  • 00:19:58.110 --> 00:20:04.190
  • SHE SAID DR. CHAPMAN, I FELT HE WAS SO SINCERE,
  • 00:20:04.210 --> 00:20:09.040
  • I FORGAVE HIM EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A
  • 00:20:09.060 --> 00:20:10.250
  • HORRIBLE THING HE DID.
  • 00:20:10.270 --> 00:20:13.180
  • SHE SAID WE SAT THERE AND TALKED, AND WE CAME UP
  • 00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:16.230
  • WITH A VERY SIMPLE PLAN THAT IF HE EVER FELT
  • 00:20:16.250 --> 00:20:20.210
  • HIMSELF ABOUT TO LOSE IT WITH ONE OF OUR CHILDREN,
  • 00:20:20.230 --> 00:20:23.210
  • HE WOULD TURN TO ME AND SAY HONEY, I'M HOT, I'VE
  • 00:20:23.230 --> 00:20:25.250
  • GOT TO TAKE A WALK, AND I WOULD KNOW WHAT HE MEANT
  • 00:20:25.270 --> 00:20:29.140
  • AND HE'D TAKE A WALK. AND THEN HE'D COME BACK.
  • 00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:32.270
  • HE WOULDN'T WALK ALL NIGHT. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:20:32.290 --> 00:20:35.110
  • HE'D TAKE A WALK. COME BACK.
  • 00:20:35.130 --> 00:20:37.130
  • OKAY HONEY, I THINK I'M UNDER CONTROL. WHAT CAN I DO?
  • 00:20:37.150 --> 00:20:39.280
  • HE'D PLUG BACK INTO THE EVENING.
  • 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:41.230
  • SHE SAID DR. CHAPMAN, THAT WAS EIGHT YEARS AGO.
  • 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:43.250
  • HE'S NEVER LOST HIS TEMPER WITH ONE OF OUR
  • 00:20:43.270 --> 00:20:46.190
  • CHILDREN SINCE. HE'S TAKEN QUITE A FEW WALKS...
  • 00:20:46.210 --> 00:20:50.010
  • [LAUGHTER] BUT NEVER LOST HIS TEMPER.
  • 00:20:50.030 --> 00:20:53.010
  • SEE, FOR SOME PEOPLE, THIS IS WHAT THEY
  • 00:20:53.030 --> 00:20:54.270
  • CONSIDER TO BE A SINCERE APOLOGY.
  • 00:20:54.290 --> 00:20:56.290
  • IF YOU DON'T EXPRESS THE DESIRE TO CHANGE YOUR
  • 00:20:57.010 --> 00:20:59.060
  • BEHAVIOR AND TRY TO FIND A PLAN TO DO IT, THEN IN
  • 00:20:59.080 --> 00:21:02.090
  • THEIR MIND YOU'RE NOT REALLY SINCERE.
  • 00:21:02.110 --> 00:21:05.030
  • NUMBER FIVE IS ACTUALLY REQUESTING FORGIVENESS.
  • 00:21:05.050 --> 00:21:09.100
  • WILL YOU FORGIVE ME?
  • 00:21:09.120 --> 00:21:13.270
  • I HOPE YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME.
  • 00:21:13.290 --> 00:21:17.240
  • I HAVE TO BE HONEST, THIS ONE HAD NEVER CROSSED MY
  • 00:21:17.260 --> 00:21:20.050
  • RADAR. I ASSUMED IF I'M APOLOGIZING IN ANY WAY,
  • 00:21:20.070 --> 00:21:26.200
  • WOULDN'T YOU KNOW THAT I WANT TO BE FORGIVEN?
  • 00:21:26.220 --> 00:21:29.110
  • JUST AS WE HAVE A PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE,
  • 00:21:29.130 --> 00:21:32.100
  • WE ALSO HAVE A PRIMARY APOLOGY LANGUAGE.
  • 00:21:32.120 --> 00:21:35.110
  • AND MY GUESS IS THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN
  • 00:21:35.130 --> 00:21:37.190
  • DISCUSSED THAT, NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT,
  • 00:21:37.210 --> 00:21:40.150
  • BUT I HOPE THAT BY WHAT I'VE JUST SAID YOU CAN
  • 00:21:40.170 --> 00:21:42.140
  • SEE HOW MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOUR APOLOGY OR THEIR
  • 00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.140
  • APOLOGY SEEMS RATHER LAME TO YOU BECAUSE IT'S NOT
  • 00:21:45.160 --> 00:21:48.230
  • WHAT YOU CONSIDER TO BE A SINCERE APOLOGY.
  • 00:21:48.250 --> 00:21:51.080
  • SO WHAT I'M SUGGESTING IS IF YOU WANT TO
  • 00:21:51.100 --> 00:21:53.000
  • COMMUNICATE YOUR SINCERITY, THEN LEARN
  • 00:21:53.020 --> 00:21:55.220
  • TO SPEAK THE OTHER PERSON'S LANGUAGE.
  • 00:21:55.240 --> 00:21:58.120
  • I WAS SHARING THIS WITH A GROUP OF SINGLE ADULTS AND
  • 00:21:58.140 --> 00:22:02.000
  • A YOUNG COUPLE CAME UP TO ME AFTERWARDS WHO I FOUND
  • 00:22:02.020 --> 00:22:04.180
  • OUT LATER THEY WERE ENGAGED, AND THE MAN
  • 00:22:04.200 --> 00:22:07.290
  • SAID TO ME, HE SAID DR. CHAPMAN, I'M NOT
  • 00:22:08.010 --> 00:22:10.110
  • REALLY GLAD I CAME TO THIS THING TONIGHT.
  • 00:22:10.130 --> 00:22:12.020
  • I SAID REALLY?
  • 00:22:12.040 --> 00:22:14.170
  • HE SAID YEAH, HE SAID YOU GAVE THOSE APOLOGY
  • 00:22:14.190 --> 00:22:17.090
  • LANGUAGES, AND WE SAT BACK THERE LIKE YOU ASKED
  • 00:22:17.110 --> 00:22:19.270
  • US AND WE TALKED, AND SHE TOLD ME THAT WHAT SHE
  • 00:22:19.290 --> 00:22:22.270
  • CONSIDERS TO BE A SINCERE APOLOGY IS FOR ME TO SAY
  • 00:22:22.290 --> 00:22:25.160
  • I'M SORRY. AND HE SAID I'VE NEVER SAID THOSE WORDS.
  • 00:22:25.180 --> 00:22:30.020
  • SAID IT SEEMS KIND OF GIRLY TO ME.
  • 00:22:30.040 --> 00:22:32.190
  • HE SAID I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SAY THAT,
  • 00:22:32.210 --> 00:22:34.290
  • SO WHAT'S IT GONNA MEAN IN OUR MARRIAGE?
  • 00:22:35.010 --> 00:22:37.170
  • I SAID WELL CARL, HIS NAME WAS CARL.
  • 00:22:37.190 --> 00:22:40.070
  • I SAID CARL, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
  • 00:22:40.090 --> 00:22:42.290
  • HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANYTHING IN YOUR WHOLE
  • 00:22:43.010 --> 00:22:45.010
  • LIFE THAT YOU REGRETTED?
  • 00:22:45.030 --> 00:22:48.240
  • HE THOUGHT A MINUTE AND HE SAID YES.
  • 00:22:48.260 --> 00:22:52.050
  • I SAID WELL CAN YOU TELL ME ONE OF THEM?
  • 00:22:52.070 --> 00:22:55.160
  • HE SAID WELL, HE SAID WHEN MY MOTHER DIED,
  • 00:22:55.180 --> 00:22:58.200
  • I CAME HOME FOR THE FUNERAL, AND THE NIGHT
  • 00:22:58.220 --> 00:23:00.290
  • BEFORE I WENT OUT TO THE BAR AND I WAS JUST GONNA
  • 00:23:01.010 --> 00:23:03.070
  • GET A BEER, BUT I ENDED UP GETTING DRUNK.
  • 00:23:03.090 --> 00:23:07.020
  • AND HE SAID THE NEXT MORNING AT MY MOM'S
  • 00:23:07.040 --> 00:23:09.000
  • FUNERAL, HE SAID I HAD SUCH A HANGOVER THAT I
  • 00:23:09.020 --> 00:23:12.180
  • DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED
  • 00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:14.110
  • AT MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL.
  • 00:23:14.130 --> 00:23:16.070
  • AND HE SAID I'VE ALWAYS REGRETTED, I FELT LIKE I
  • 00:23:16.090 --> 00:23:18.270
  • LET MY MAMA DOWN BECAUSE SHE WAS ALWAYS ON MY CASE
  • 00:23:18.290 --> 00:23:21.270
  • ABOUT DRINKING TOO MUCH, AND HE SAID
  • 00:23:21.290 --> 00:23:24.100
  • I'VE ALWAYS REGRETTED THAT.
  • 00:23:24.120 --> 00:23:27.150
  • I SAID WELL CARL, IF YOU COULD TALK TO YOUR
  • 00:23:27.170 --> 00:23:29.180
  • MOTHER RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HER?
  • 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:34.040
  • AND HE STOOD THERE A MINUTE AND TEARS CAME TO
  • 00:23:34.060 --> 00:23:35.260
  • HIS EYES. HE SAID I'D TELL HER [SOBBING] MAMA,
  • 00:23:35.280 --> 00:23:40.140
  • I'M SO SORRY THAT I GOT DRUNK THAT NIGHT!
  • 00:23:40.160 --> 00:23:42.180
  • I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAMA!
  • 00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:44.000
  • I WAS JUST GONNA GET A BEER, BUT MAMA I'M SORRY,
  • 00:23:44.020 --> 00:23:46.000
  • I MESSED UP AND I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
  • 00:23:46.020 --> 00:23:47.250
  • HAPPENING AT YOUR FUNERAL.
  • 00:23:47.270 --> 00:23:49.030
  • I KNOW I LET YOU DOWN MAMA, AND I'M SO SORRY
  • 00:23:49.050 --> 00:23:50.240
  • FOR WHAT I DID MAMA.
  • 00:23:50.260 --> 00:23:52.200
  • WHEN HE GOT THROUGH, I SAID CARL,
  • 00:23:52.220 --> 00:23:57.070
  • YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID?
  • 00:23:57.090 --> 00:23:59.190
  • HE SAID YEAH, I TOLD MY MAMA I'M SORRY!
  • 00:23:59.210 --> 00:24:03.010
  • THEN HE SAID DO YOU THINK SHE HEARD ME?
  • 00:24:03.030 --> 00:24:05.070
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:24:05.090 --> 00:24:09.000
  • NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL YOU GREAT THEOLOGIANS
  • 00:24:09.020 --> 00:24:10.220
  • WOULD TELL HIM, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I TOLD HIM,
  • 00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:13.020
  • I SAID CARL I THINK YOUR MAMA HEARD YOU BUDDY, AND
  • 00:24:13.040 --> 00:24:15.260
  • I THINK SHE FORGAVE YOU.
  • 00:24:15.280 --> 00:24:17.170
  • THE BIBLE DOES SAY THERE'S REJOICING IN THE
  • 00:24:17.190 --> 00:24:20.030
  • PRESENCE OF THE ANGELS WHEN A SINNER REPENTS.
  • 00:24:20.050 --> 00:24:23.190
  • DIDN'T SAY THE ANGELS REJOICE, IT SAID THERE'S
  • 00:24:23.210 --> 00:24:25.220
  • REJOICING IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ANGEL.
  • 00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:27.160
  • MAYBE GOD DOES CALL MAMAS OVER AND SAY LOOK
  • 00:24:27.180 --> 00:24:30.100
  • AT YOUR BOY DOWN THERE.
  • 00:24:30.120 --> 00:24:31.200
  • LISTEN TO YOUR BOY DOWN THERE.
  • 00:24:31.220 --> 00:24:33.040
  • YOU SEE, IT MIGHT BE HARD FOR YOU TO LEARN A NEW
  • 00:24:33.060 --> 00:24:36.020
  • APOLOGY LANGUAGE, BUT I'M TELLING YOU FOLKS, YOU
  • 00:24:36.040 --> 00:24:38.100
  • CAN LEARN IT JUST LIKE YOU CAN LEARN A LOVE
  • 00:24:38.120 --> 00:24:40.170
  • LANGUAGE, YOU CAN LEARN APOLOGY LANGUAGES.
  • 00:24:40.190 --> 00:24:42.050
  • THANK YOU.
  • 00:24:42.070 --> 00:24:43.130
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:24:43.150 --> 00:24:47.250
  • - SO EVERY COUPLE HAS A SAVER AND A SPENDER.
  • 00:24:47.270 --> 00:24:50.220
  • MY WIFE AND I, SHE IS THE SPENDER.
  • 00:24:50.240 --> 00:24:53.010
  • I'M THE SAVER.
  • 00:24:53.030 --> 00:24:54.090
  • I CANNOT GET MYSELF TO SPEND MONEY ON ANYTHING.
  • 00:24:54.110 --> 00:24:56.150
  • IT'S ANNOYING.
  • 00:24:56.170 --> 00:24:58.020
  • BUT IT'S SO FUNNY THAT WOMEN, MY WIFE, SHE'LL
  • 00:24:58.040 --> 00:25:00.250
  • SPEND A LOT OF LIKE $15 DOLLARS, $18 BUCKS,
  • 00:25:00.270 --> 00:25:03.140
  • $25 DOLLARS, A LOT OF THAT.
  • 00:25:03.160 --> 00:25:05.130
  • I WILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, I'M SO FRUGAL,
  • 00:25:05.150 --> 00:25:08.090
  • I'M SUCH A GOOD SAVER, BUT THEN I'LL JUST GO BUY
  • 00:25:08.110 --> 00:25:10.030
  • A TRUCK, AND I'M LIKE WAIT A MINUTE, I'M
  • 00:25:10.050 --> 00:25:12.150
  • ACTUALLY SPENDING MORE THAN SHE IS!
  • 00:25:12.170 --> 00:25:14.230
  • SO MY WIFE AND I, BEEN MARRIED 18 YEARS, JUST
  • 00:25:14.250 --> 00:25:17.060
  • STUDYING THAT DYNAMIC.
  • 00:25:17.080 --> 00:25:18.280
  • THERE'S ALWAYS A SAVER AND A SPENDER.
  • 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:20.140
  • WE ALL BRING OUR BACKGROUNDS INTO MARRIAGE.
  • 00:25:20.160 --> 00:25:22.260
  • SOME PEOPLE WOULD CALL IT BAGGAGE.
  • 00:25:22.280 --> 00:25:24.230
  • NO, IT'S NOT BAGGAGE, IT'S WHO YOU ARE.
  • 00:25:24.250 --> 00:25:26.260
  • YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER
  • 00:25:26.280 --> 00:25:28.270
  • AND THAT YOU LEVERAGE THAT AND YOU WORK TOGETHER.
  • 00:25:28.290 --> 00:25:31.170
  • IT'S A PROCESS. AND A LOT OF TIMES WE
  • 00:25:31.190 --> 00:25:33.150
  • WANT THE PROGRESS, BUT WE DON'T WANT THE PROCESS.
  • 00:25:33.170 --> 00:25:36.030
  • WE HAVE ALL MADE MISTAKES WITH MONEY.
  • 00:25:36.050 --> 00:25:38.020
  • WE JUST HAVE. AND WE'VE JUST GOT TO BE OPEN
  • 00:25:38.040 --> 00:25:39.190
  • AND HONEST ABOUT THAT.
  • 00:25:39.210 --> 00:25:41.010
  • TODAY I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT THERE'S HOPE.
  • 00:25:41.030 --> 00:25:44.110
  • WE'VE ALL MADE THE MISTAKES, AND I'M
  • 00:25:44.130 --> 00:25:46.080
  • ACTUALLY GONNA SHARE THAT I'VE PROBABLY MADE THE
  • 00:25:46.100 --> 00:25:48.010
  • BIGGEST FINANCIAL MISTAKE IN THE ROOM.
  • 00:25:48.030 --> 00:25:49.200
  • VERY VULNERABLE THERE, BUT I'M HOPING THAT
  • 00:25:49.220 --> 00:25:51.100
  • LEVELS THE PLAYING FIELD.
  • 00:25:51.120 --> 00:25:52.260
  • TAKES THE GUILT AND SHAME OUT OF THE ROOM AND TAKES
  • 00:25:52.280 --> 00:25:54.270
  • IT OFF LINE, AND THEN WE CAN JUST GET REAL THAT
  • 00:25:54.290 --> 00:25:57.220
  • WE'VE GOT-- NO MATTER WHERE YOU'RE AT WITH YOUR
  • 00:25:57.240 --> 00:25:59.290
  • FINANCES, WE CAN ALWAYS GO TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
  • 00:26:00.030 --> 00:26:01.240
  • BUT TODAY IS NOT ABOUT GUILT AND SHAME.
  • 00:26:01.260 --> 00:26:03.150
  • IT'S ALL ABOUT HOPE.
  • 00:26:03.170 --> 00:26:04.210
  • THE BIBLE SAYS HOPE DEFERRED MAKES THE HEART
  • 00:26:04.230 --> 00:26:06.060
  • SICK. PROVERBS 13:12.
  • 00:26:06.080 --> 00:26:08.000
  • SO WHERE THERE IS HOPE, AND THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO
  • 00:26:08.020 --> 00:26:10.060
  • FILL THIS ROOM WITH, THAT WE CAN TAKE OUR FINANCES
  • 00:26:10.080 --> 00:26:12.040
  • TO THE NEXT LEVEL.
  • 00:26:12.060 --> 00:26:13.110
  • WE WERE CALLED TO BE THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL.
  • 00:26:13.130 --> 00:26:15.240
  • - ANNOUNCER: AND NOW, FINANCIAL EXPERT CHRIS BROWN!
  • 00:26:15.260 --> 00:26:19.180
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:26:19.200 --> 00:26:21.120
  • - SPARK 2018, HOW YA'LL DOING?
  • 00:26:21.140 --> 00:26:22.280
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:25.100
  • SO LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME.
  • 00:26:25.120 --> 00:26:26.270
  • MY NAME IS CHRIS BROWN, AND RIGHT ABOUT THIS TIME
  • 00:26:26.290 --> 00:26:30.070
  • I FEEL LIKE THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.
  • 00:26:30.090 --> 00:26:34.000
  • I AM VERY WELL AWARE THAT I'M NOT THAT CHRIS BROWN.
  • 00:26:34.020 --> 00:26:36.240
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:36.260 --> 00:26:39.100
  • SOME OF YOU, THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU'RE HERE IS
  • 00:26:39.120 --> 00:26:41.050
  • BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE CHRIS BROWN'S GONNA BE THERE.
  • 00:26:41.070 --> 00:26:42.240
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:42.260 --> 00:26:44.100
  • I PROMISE THERE WILL BE NO DANCING, NO SINGING,
  • 00:26:44.120 --> 00:26:47.200
  • NO RAPPING, THAT'S FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
  • 00:26:47.220 --> 00:26:49.160
  • THERE'S SOME THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T UN-SEE.
  • 00:26:49.180 --> 00:26:51.110
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:26:51.130 --> 00:26:53.020
  • I CAN REMEMBER MY ELEVEN YEAR OLD BIRTHDAY
  • 00:26:53.040 --> 00:26:54.200
  • LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY.
  • 00:26:54.220 --> 00:26:57.060
  • I WAS SITTING DOWN IN A DARK, EMPTY,
  • 00:26:57.080 --> 00:27:02.080
  • ROACH INFESTED APARTMENT.
  • 00:27:02.100 --> 00:27:06.030
  • APARTMENT 217 IN OCEAN VILLAS APARTMENT ON THE
  • 00:27:06.050 --> 00:27:09.170
  • CORNER OF EDWARDS AND WARNER ON THE WRONG SIDE
  • 00:27:09.190 --> 00:27:12.180
  • OF HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA.
  • 00:27:12.200 --> 00:27:16.100
  • I CAN REMEMBER BEING SCARED AND CONFUSED
  • 00:27:16.120 --> 00:27:19.040
  • BECAUSE THERE IS NO FOOD OR FURNITURE.
  • 00:27:19.060 --> 00:27:21.160
  • IT'S JUST SILENCE.
  • 00:27:21.180 --> 00:27:25.110
  • AND I CAN REMEMBER LOOKING OUT THIS SECOND
  • 00:27:25.130 --> 00:27:26.250
  • STORY BALCONY WINDOW AND REPLAYING THE LAST
  • 00:27:26.270 --> 00:27:32.120
  • SEVERAL YEARS OF MY LIFE.
  • 00:27:32.140 --> 00:27:36.080
  • I KNEW THAT MULTIPLE FATHER FIGURES GOING TO
  • 00:27:36.100 --> 00:27:38.060
  • JAIL WASN'T PART OF THE FAMILY DREAM.
  • 00:27:38.080 --> 00:27:41.130
  • I KNEW THAT GOING TO ABUSE SHELTER, AFTER
  • 00:27:41.150 --> 00:27:43.050
  • ABUSE SHELTER, AFTER ABUSE SHELTER, SLEEPING
  • 00:27:43.070 --> 00:27:45.020
  • IN THE BACKSEAT OF A 1979 DODGE DIPLOMAT, GOING TO
  • 00:27:45.040 --> 00:27:49.240
  • 17 DIFFERENT SCHOOLS TO THAT POINT, I KNEW THAT
  • 00:27:49.260 --> 00:27:54.070
  • WASN'T PART OF MOM AND DAD'S PLAN.
  • 00:27:54.090 --> 00:27:59.100
  • YOU KNOW WHENEVER THERE WASN'T AN APARTMENT TO GO
  • 00:27:59.120 --> 00:28:01.100
  • TO, WHENEVER THERE WAS AN EVICTION, WHENEVER THE
  • 00:28:01.120 --> 00:28:03.090
  • CAR WAS IN THE SHOP, WE WERE FORCED TO SLEEP
  • 00:28:03.110 --> 00:28:05.260
  • UNDERNEATH A BRIDGE ON THE CORNER OF
  • 00:28:05.280 --> 00:28:07.120
  • EDWARDS AND WARNER.
  • 00:28:07.140 --> 00:28:09.070
  • I CAN REMEMBER THAT DAY LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY.
  • 00:28:09.090 --> 00:28:11.000
  • I CAN ALSO REMEMBER TURNING MY ATTENTION FROM
  • 00:28:11.020 --> 00:28:13.000
  • LOOKING OUT THAT SECOND STORY BALCONY WINDOW AND
  • 00:28:13.020 --> 00:28:15.140
  • LOOKING TOWARDS THE KITCHEN.
  • 00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:18.010
  • THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE KITCHEN.
  • 00:28:18.030 --> 00:28:19.150
  • THERE WAS NO DISHES, NO CANNED GOODS,
  • 00:28:19.170 --> 00:28:21.080
  • NO PAPER PRODUCTS, BUT IN THE KITCHEN WAS MY MOM,
  • 00:28:21.100 --> 00:28:25.290
  • MY HERO, A SINGLE MOM TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET,
  • 00:28:26.010 --> 00:28:30.110
  • TRYING THE BEST THAT SHE CAN.
  • 00:28:30.130 --> 00:28:33.190
  • AND I REMEMBER THE LOOK ON HER FACE.
  • 00:28:33.210 --> 00:28:37.170
  • I DIDN'T HAVE LIFE FIGURED OUT, I WAS ONLY
  • 00:28:37.190 --> 00:28:39.030
  • ELEVEN YEARS OLD, BUT I REMEMBER THE LOOK ON HER
  • 00:28:39.050 --> 00:28:41.030
  • FACE AND IT WAS A STOIC STARE OF HOPELESSNESS.
  • 00:28:41.050 --> 00:28:46.040
  • AND ON THAT DAY, I HAD A COUPLE REVELATIONS
  • 00:28:46.060 --> 00:28:51.270
  • AS AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD.
  • 00:28:51.290 --> 00:28:53.060
  • NUMBER ONE IS THIS IS JACKED UP.
  • 00:28:53.080 --> 00:28:55.150
  • THIS IS NOT COOL.
  • 00:28:55.170 --> 00:28:57.080
  • I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHO IS AT FAULT,
  • 00:28:57.100 --> 00:28:58.280
  • BUT THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
  • 00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:01.030
  • THE SECOND THING THAT CAME TO MY MIND, I HAD
  • 00:29:01.050 --> 00:29:02.170
  • THIS RESOLVE IN MY SPIRIT THAT THE CURSE ENDS HERE.
  • 00:29:02.190 --> 00:29:06.020
  • I DON'T KNOW WHO IS AT FAULT, BUT WHEN I HAVE A
  • 00:29:06.040 --> 00:29:08.030
  • FAMILY, IT AIN'T GOING DOWN LIKE THAT!
  • 00:29:08.050 --> 00:29:09.260
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:29:09.280 --> 00:29:13.090
  • I WILL NEVER DO THIS TO MY FAMILY.
  • 00:29:13.110 --> 00:29:15.290
  • I WAS RESOLVED.
  • 00:29:16.010 --> 00:29:17.130
  • I'M TELLING YOU THE MOST RESOLVED THING I'VE
  • 00:29:17.150 --> 00:29:19.000
  • EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.
  • 00:29:19.020 --> 00:29:20.190
  • I WENT THROUGH MIDDLE SCHOOL, WENT THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL,
  • 00:29:20.210 --> 00:29:22.200
  • I HAD NO IDEA HOW, BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD.
  • 00:29:22.220 --> 00:29:25.270
  • THEN I ENDED UP GOING TO A CHRISTIAN COLLEGE.
  • 00:29:25.290 --> 00:29:28.100
  • I DIDN'T KNOW JESUS, BUT FOR A $50.000 DOLLAR
  • 00:29:28.120 --> 00:29:32.290
  • BASEBALL SCHOLARSHIP, I WILL LOVE JESUS ALL DAY LONG.
  • 00:29:33.010 --> 00:29:35.170
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:29:35.190 --> 00:29:39.070
  • LITTLE DID I KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.
  • 00:29:39.090 --> 00:29:42.110
  • ONE MONTH INTO A CHRISTIAN COLLEGE,
  • 00:29:42.130 --> 00:29:44.000
  • I ACCEPTED JESUS AS MY SAVIOR, MY LIFE HAS
  • 00:29:44.020 --> 00:29:45.220
  • NEVER BEEN THE SAME.
  • 00:29:45.240 --> 00:29:47.030
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:29:47.050 --> 00:29:51.040
  • NOT ONLY DID I ACCEPT JESUS, BUT THEN I GOT MY
  • 00:29:51.060 --> 00:29:52.270
  • HOLY SPIRIT THERE. IT'S AMAZING!
  • 00:29:52.290 --> 00:29:56.160
  • GRADUATED. MY WIFE AND I GRADUATED, GOT TWO AMAZING
  • 00:29:56.180 --> 00:29:59.170
  • JOBS. WE'RE STARTING OUR ADULT LIFE.
  • 00:29:59.190 --> 00:30:02.000
  • WE HAD EVERYTHING WE COULD EVER NEED, AND WE
  • 00:30:02.020 --> 00:30:04.030
  • KNOW EVERYTHING THAT WE COULD EVER KNOW
  • 00:30:04.050 --> 00:30:05.230
  • BECAUSE WE'RE 22. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:30:05.250 --> 00:30:08.170
  • AND WE ARE JUST CRUSHING IT!
  • 00:30:08.190 --> 00:30:11.170
  • I MEAN, WE'VE GOT THESE GREAT JOBS, WE'RE LIVING
  • 00:30:11.190 --> 00:30:13.060
  • ON 20 OR 30 PERCENT OF OUR INCOME, WE'RE LIKE
  • 00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:15.030
  • DANG! THIS ADULT STUFF IS SO EASY!
  • 00:30:15.050 --> 00:30:19.210
  • LIKE WHAT YA'LL HAVE A TOUGH TIME WITH?
  • 00:30:19.230 --> 00:30:21.110
  • WE GOT THIS ON LOCK!
  • 00:30:21.130 --> 00:30:24.040
  • AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW WE GOT THIS CASH,
  • 00:30:24.060 --> 00:30:25.200
  • WE'RE LIKE WHAT DO WE DO WITH IT?
  • 00:30:25.220 --> 00:30:26.270
  • I THINK WHAT WE'LL DO IS BUY A HOUSE AND FIX IT UP
  • 00:30:26.290 --> 00:30:29.050
  • AND WE'LL SELL IT. IT'S LIKE FLIPPING TODAY.
  • 00:30:29.070 --> 00:30:31.230
  • MIND BLOWN.
  • 00:30:31.250 --> 00:30:33.210
  • WELL, WE DID AND WE MADE $30.000 DOLLARS EXTRA
  • 00:30:33.230 --> 00:30:36.130
  • MONEY IN THREE MONTHS, AND WE'RE LIKE OH, THAT
  • 00:30:36.150 --> 00:30:38.160
  • FELT GOOD! GOT THE GOOSE BUMPS. RIGHT?
  • 00:30:38.180 --> 00:30:41.170
  • LET'S DO THAT AGAIN.
  • 00:30:41.190 --> 00:30:43.050
  • SO WE DID IT AGAIN, AND WE DID IT AGAIN, AND
  • 00:30:43.070 --> 00:30:45.070
  • WE'RE LIKE WE ARE, WE ARE AMAZING.
  • 00:30:45.090 --> 00:30:47.190
  • WE ARE IN AMAZING. YES. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:30:47.210 --> 00:30:50.080
  • UNTIL ONE DAY I DECIDED WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO
  • 00:30:50.100 --> 00:30:52.220
  • FLIP ONE HOUSE AT A TIME WHEN YOU CAN FLIP EIGHT.
  • 00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:55.050
  • HELLO? IT'S EASY MATH.
  • 00:30:55.070 --> 00:30:58.040
  • I MEAN, 30 GRAND AT A TIME OR 240.
  • 00:30:58.060 --> 00:31:00.050
  • HELLO, RIGHT?
  • 00:31:00.070 --> 00:31:02.060
  • SO I, NOT MY PROVERBS 31 WIFE, BUT ME BY MYSELF,
  • 00:31:02.080 --> 00:31:07.190
  • WALKED DOWN TO THE MORTGAGE OFFICE AND
  • 00:31:07.210 --> 00:31:11.120
  • I BORROWED A MILLION DOLLARS.
  • 00:31:11.140 --> 00:31:13.290
  • THE YEAR...
  • 00:31:14.010 --> 00:31:17.050
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:31:17.070 --> 00:31:20.260
  • [GULPS]
  • 00:31:20.280 --> 00:31:23.000
  • [LAUGHTER] 2007.
  • 00:31:23.020 --> 00:31:26.000
  • OH, YES I DID. "NO YOU DIDN'T!"
  • 00:31:26.020 --> 00:31:28.220
  • I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE LAUGHING AT ME OR WITH ME.
  • 00:31:28.240 --> 00:31:31.040
  • TOO SOON, YA'LL.
  • 00:31:31.060 --> 00:31:34.130
  • TOO YOUNG, THE RECESSION HIT, GOOGLE IT, WHATEVER.
  • 00:31:34.150 --> 00:31:38.210
  • SO THIS RECESSION HIT, I CAN'T SELL THESE
  • 00:31:38.230 --> 00:31:40.160
  • PROPERTIES, I CAN'T RENT THESE PROPERTIES, AND I
  • 00:31:40.180 --> 00:31:42.220
  • AM PAYING NEARLY $10.000 DOLLARS A MONTH
  • 00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:45.040
  • EVERY MONTH ON EIGHT VACANT HOMES.
  • 00:31:45.060 --> 00:31:48.130
  • FOR 36 MONTHS. EVERY 30 DAYS.
  • 00:31:48.150 --> 00:31:55.060
  • UNTIL JANUARY OF 2011, I WALKED IN TO A FILLED
  • 00:31:55.080 --> 00:31:58.280
  • COURTROOM, I LOOKED A TRUSTEE IN THE EYE, I
  • 00:31:59.000 --> 00:32:01.200
  • EXPLAINED MY SITUATION, AND THE TRUSTEE LOOKED AT
  • 00:32:01.220 --> 00:32:05.200
  • ME, AND BECAUSE I LIVE IN THE SOUTH, SHE GOES
  • 00:32:05.220 --> 00:32:11.060
  • "BLESS YOUR HEART". [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:32:11.080 --> 00:32:15.140
  • WHICH IS CODE FOR YOU'RE AN IDIOT!
  • 00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:18.290
  • UP A CREEK WITH NO PADDLE, WHATEVER IT IS,
  • 00:32:19.010 --> 00:32:21.160
  • YOU'RE SCREWED, ALL RIGHT?
  • 00:32:21.180 --> 00:32:23.200
  • AND NOW IS THE REALITY.
  • 00:32:23.220 --> 00:32:25.060
  • YOU'RE LOOKING AT SOMEBODY, YOUR PRESENTER
  • 00:32:25.080 --> 00:32:27.210
  • TODAY FILED BANKRUPTCY.
  • 00:32:27.230 --> 00:32:36.200
  • MY BIGGEST MEMORY OF THAT DAY WAS NOT
  • 00:32:36.220 --> 00:32:38.020
  • THE FILLED COURTROOM.
  • 00:32:38.040 --> 00:32:40.010
  • MY BIGGEST MEMORY THAT DAY WAS BEFORE I EVER
  • 00:32:40.030 --> 00:32:41.140
  • WENT TO THE COURTROOM LOOKING INTO MY OWN
  • 00:32:41.160 --> 00:32:43.140
  • BATHROOM MIRROR BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW?
  • 00:32:43.160 --> 00:32:49.120
  • THE SAME STOIC STARE OF HOPELESSNESS THAT I SAW
  • 00:32:49.140 --> 00:32:51.180
  • IN MY MOM'S FACE 20 YEARS BEFORE.
  • 00:32:51.200 --> 00:32:54.120
  • HERE I WAS, I DID THE SAME EXACT THING.
  • 00:32:54.140 --> 00:32:57.170
  • I SAID THAT I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO MY FAMILY AND
  • 00:32:57.190 --> 00:33:00.240
  • I DID. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
  • 00:33:00.260 --> 00:33:07.120
  • YOU'RE LIKE CHRIS, THAT'S NOT VERY ENCOURAGING.
  • 00:33:07.140 --> 00:33:08.260
  • WHO BROUGHT THIS GUY IN? OH, MY GOODNESS.
  • 00:33:08.280 --> 00:33:11.120
  • NEXT PLEASE. CHECK PLEASE.
  • 00:33:11.140 --> 00:33:12.290
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:33:13.010 --> 00:33:16.040
  • WHY DO I TELL YOU THAT STORY?
  • 00:33:16.060 --> 00:33:17.110
  • FOR A LOT OF REASONS BUT NUMBER ONE IS HEY, I WANT
  • 00:33:17.130 --> 00:33:19.270
  • YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU'VE MADE MISTAKES WITH MONEY
  • 00:33:19.290 --> 00:33:22.000
  • YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT, YOU MAY NOT ADMIT IT, BUT I'M
  • 00:33:22.020 --> 00:33:23.270
  • TELLING YOU YOU'VE MADE-- THE RESEARCH SHOWS YOU'VE
  • 00:33:23.290 --> 00:33:26.010
  • MADE MISTAKES WITH MONEY.
  • 00:33:26.030 --> 00:33:28.030
  • BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVEN'T MADE ONE
  • 00:33:28.050 --> 00:33:29.250
  • AS BIG AS ME. I MADE THE BIGGEST ONE.
  • 00:33:29.270 --> 00:33:32.140
  • I AM YOUR BIGGEST LOSER. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:33:32.160 --> 00:33:35.160
  • SO LET'S JUST SUCK THE TENSION OUT OF THE ROOM.
  • 00:33:35.180 --> 00:33:37.100
  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE "F" WORD BUT LISTEN,
  • 00:33:37.120 --> 00:33:39.230
  • LAY BACK, RELAX, JUST UNDERSTAND WE'VE ALL MADE
  • 00:33:39.250 --> 00:33:42.020
  • MISTAKES. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'VE MADE A
  • 00:33:42.040 --> 00:33:43.210
  • MISTAKE WITH MONEY.
  • 00:33:43.230 --> 00:33:45.250
  • YES, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?
  • 00:33:45.270 --> 00:33:47.070
  • OVER 12.
  • 00:33:47.090 --> 00:33:48.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:51.060
  • AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THE STORY DOESN'T END THERE.
  • 00:33:51.080 --> 00:33:53.200
  • IT'S NOT 2011. DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT?
  • 00:33:53.220 --> 00:33:55.010
  • IT'S NOT 2011.
  • 00:33:55.030 --> 00:33:56.220
  • IT'S 2018, BABY, AND I'M TELLING YOU MY WIFE AND I
  • 00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:59.170
  • HAVE A HIGHER NET WORTH AND A BETTER FINANCIAL
  • 00:33:59.190 --> 00:34:01.250
  • POSITION RIGHT NOW THAN WE EVER HAVE IN OUR LIFE.
  • 00:34:01.270 --> 00:34:03.260
  • WHY? BECAUSE WE WERE CLAWING BACK, CLAWING BACK,
  • 00:34:03.280 --> 00:34:06.140
  • CLAWING BACK, DOING WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS TO DO WITH
  • 00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:09.120
  • FINANCES, AND GOD'S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT, AND THE
  • 00:34:09.140 --> 00:34:12.230
  • STORY DIDN'T END THERE.
  • 00:34:12.250 --> 00:34:13.280
  • SO I TELL YOU ALL THAT FOR THIS REASON.
  • 00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:16.200
  • HOPE DEFERRED MAKES THE HEART SICK, PROVERBS
  • 00:34:16.220 --> 00:34:19.050
  • 13:12, AND I WANT TO JUST INJECT A BUNCH OF HOPE
  • 00:34:19.070 --> 00:34:22.140
  • INTO THIS ROOM.
  • 00:34:22.160 --> 00:34:24.010
  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR FINANCIAL POSITION IS
  • 00:34:24.030 --> 00:34:25.190
  • BUT YOU'VE GOT TO KNOW THERE IS HOPE.
  • 00:34:25.210 --> 00:34:28.020
  • DAVE RAMSEY, MYSELF AND MANY OTHERS HELP PEOPLE
  • 00:34:28.040 --> 00:34:30.270
  • EVERY DAY TO DIG OUT OF THE BIGGEST FINANCIAL
  • 00:34:30.290 --> 00:34:33.100
  • HOLES IN THE WORLD AND THEY FIND THEMSELVES
  • 00:34:33.120 --> 00:34:35.200
  • IN A BETTER PLACE. WHY?
  • 00:34:35.220 --> 00:34:37.140
  • BECAUSE THEY WENT BACK TO THE BIBLE AND THEY'RE
  • 00:34:37.160 --> 00:34:39.020
  • LIKE OH, GOD KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. WHOA!
  • 00:34:39.040 --> 00:34:45.050
  • THERE'S 2.350 VERSES IN THE SCRIPTURE THAT HAVE
  • 00:34:45.070 --> 00:34:48.040
  • TO DO WITH MONEY, WEALTH AND POSSESSIONS.
  • 00:34:48.060 --> 00:34:51.140
  • 78 PERCENT OF AMERICANS ARE LIVING PAYCHECK TO
  • 00:34:51.160 --> 00:34:53.260
  • PAYCHECK, REGARDLESS OF SALARY.
  • 00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:56.210
  • $20.000 DOLLARS A YEAR OR $200.000 DOLLARS A YEAR.
  • 00:34:56.230 --> 00:34:58.250
  • IT'S NOT AN INCOME PROBLEM, IT'S AN OUT-GO PROBLEM.
  • 00:34:58.270 --> 00:35:02.070
  • AVERAGE AMERICANS ARE SPENDING 1.26 FOR EVERY ONE
  • 00:35:02.090 --> 00:35:04.050
  • DOLLAR THAT THEY EARN.
  • 00:35:04.070 --> 00:35:06.130
  • ONE-THIRD OF AMERICAN ADULTS ARE CURRENTLY
  • 00:35:06.150 --> 00:35:08.080
  • IN THE DEBT COLLECTION PROCESS.
  • 00:35:08.100 --> 00:35:11.180
  • THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DIVORCE IN AMERICA IS
  • 00:35:11.200 --> 00:35:13.180
  • MONEY FIGHTS AND MONEY PROBLEMS.
  • 00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:15.050
  • WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT FINANCES AT A MARRIAGE
  • 00:35:15.070 --> 00:35:17.170
  • THING? UH-HUH.
  • 00:35:17.190 --> 00:35:19.060
  • THE NUMBER ONE.
  • 00:35:19.080 --> 00:35:22.140
  • AVERAGE PERSON GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE HAS $37.000
  • 00:35:22.160 --> 00:35:24.020
  • DOLLARS IN STUDENT LOANS.
  • 00:35:24.040 --> 00:35:25.250
  • THE AVERAGE PERSON WHO HAS STUDENT LOANS $59.000
  • 00:35:25.270 --> 00:35:28.040
  • DOLLARS IS THEIR BALANCE.
  • 00:35:28.060 --> 00:35:29.070
  • YOU'RE LIKE I KNOW, I'M ONE OF THEM.
  • 00:35:29.090 --> 00:35:30.190
  • THANK YOU. [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:35:30.210 --> 00:35:32.210
  • SO WHAT I'M ABOUT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IS LISTEN,
  • 00:35:32.230 --> 00:35:34.270
  • DON'T BE CONFUSED.
  • 00:35:34.290 --> 00:35:36.290
  • WE'RE TALKING ABOUT MONEY.
  • 00:35:37.010 --> 00:35:38.280
  • WE ARE NOT WORSHIPPING THE PROVISION.
  • 00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:42.000
  • WE'RE WORSHIPPING THE PROVIDER.
  • 00:35:42.020 --> 00:35:44.090
  • WE'RE WORSHIPPING THE PROVIDER BY MANAGING THE
  • 00:35:44.110 --> 00:35:47.040
  • PROVISION. IT'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
  • 00:35:47.060 --> 00:35:49.210
  • SO I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU FIVE THINGS THAT YOU
  • 00:35:49.230 --> 00:35:54.270
  • CAN DO THAT'S A HUNDRED PERCENT GUARANTEED
  • 00:35:54.290 --> 00:35:58.110
  • TO WIN WITH MONEY.
  • 00:35:58.130 --> 00:36:00.110
  • NO HE DIDN'T. DID HE JUST SAY THAT?
  • 00:36:00.130 --> 00:36:02.240
  • NOW BARRING SOME KIND OF CANCER, BARRING SOME KIND
  • 00:36:02.260 --> 00:36:04.230
  • OF CAR ACCIDENT, THIS IS NOT A PROSPERITY THING.
  • 00:36:04.250 --> 00:36:07.080
  • THIS IS A SOWING AND REAPING THING.
  • 00:36:07.100 --> 00:36:09.290
  • SOME OF YOU WANT CORN AND YOU'RE PLANTING BEANS.
  • 00:36:10.010 --> 00:36:13.110
  • IF YOU WANT CORN, YOU'VE GOT TO PLANT CORN.
  • 00:36:13.130 --> 00:36:17.160
  • AGAIN, THIS IS NOT ABOUT GUILT.
  • 00:36:17.180 --> 00:36:19.220
  • IT'S NOT ABOUT SHAME.
  • 00:36:19.240 --> 00:36:20.280
  • IT'S NOT ABOUT CONDEMNATION.
  • 00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:21.290
  • THIS IS ALL ABOUT HOPE.
  • 00:36:22.010 --> 00:36:23.290
  • CHECK THIS OUT, AND THE FIRST ONE'S SEXY.
  • 00:36:24.010 --> 00:36:26.110
  • THIS IS SO SEXY. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
  • 00:36:26.130 --> 00:36:29.020
  • ARE YOU READY?
  • 00:36:29.040 --> 00:36:32.090
  • LIVE ON A WRITTEN BUDGET.
  • 00:36:32.110 --> 00:36:35.120
  • OH!
  • 00:36:35.140 --> 00:36:36.210
  • [LIGHT APPLAUSE]
  • 00:36:36.230 --> 00:36:38.120
  • AND THE GOLF CLAP IS JUST-- [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:36:38.140 --> 00:36:42.000
  • THANK YOU.
  • 00:36:42.020 --> 00:36:45.120
  • AND THOSE OF YOU THAT DIDN'T CLAP, YOU HAD TO
  • 00:36:45.140 --> 00:36:46.150
  • FORCE YOURSELF.
  • 00:36:46.170 --> 00:36:48.250
  • I KNOW IT'S NOT SEXY!
  • 00:36:48.270 --> 00:36:51.020
  • I KNOW IT'S NOT FUN!
  • 00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:52.090
  • LISTEN, IT'S A DREADED "B" WORD. I GET IT.
  • 00:36:52.110 --> 00:36:55.270
  • YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL IT A BUDGET.
  • 00:36:55.290 --> 00:36:58.040
  • YOU CAN CALL IT A CASH FLOW PLAN.
  • 00:36:58.060 --> 00:37:00.100
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:37:00.120 --> 00:37:03.080
  • SPENDING PLAN.
  • 00:37:03.100 --> 00:37:05.100
  • ISN'T THAT LIBERATING?
  • 00:37:05.120 --> 00:37:07.060
  • I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU CALL IT, YOU CAN NAME IT
  • 00:37:07.080 --> 00:37:08.250
  • AFTER YOUR DOG IF YOU WANT TO, JUST HAVE A PLAN!
  • 00:37:08.270 --> 00:37:11.280
  • CHECK OUT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS, PROVERBS 29:18 SAYS
  • 00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:13.290
  • WHERE THERE IS NO VISION, THE PEOPLE PERISH. RIGHT.
  • 00:37:14.010 --> 00:37:19.180
  • ANOTHER TRANSLATION SAYS WHERE THERE IS NO VISION,
  • 00:37:19.200 --> 00:37:21.110
  • THE PEOPLE CAST OFF RESTRAINT.
  • 00:37:21.130 --> 00:37:22.250
  • ISN'T THAT WHAT WE DO EVERY MONTH?
  • 00:37:22.270 --> 00:37:24.170
  • WE CAST OFF RESTRAINTS.
  • 00:37:24.190 --> 00:37:26.170
  • WE GET TO THE 22ND OF THE MONTH, WE'RE LIKE
  • 00:37:26.190 --> 00:37:27.260
  • OH, SHOOT! SO WHAT DO WE DO AFTER THAT?
  • 00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:30.050
  • SWIPE, SWIPE, SWIPE, SWIPE, SWIPE.
  • 00:37:30.070 --> 00:37:31.230
  • OH, SNAP. RIGHT?
  • 00:37:31.250 --> 00:37:33.220
  • AND CHRISTMAS TIME.
  • 00:37:33.240 --> 00:37:35.010
  • THE FEBRUARY US HATES THE DECEMBER US. RIGHT?
  • 00:37:35.030 --> 00:37:39.240
  • WE DIDN'T HAVE A VISION FOR THE MONTH.
  • 00:37:39.260 --> 00:37:42.170
  • ANDY STANLEY SAYS EVERYBODY NEEDS TO BE A
  • 00:37:42.190 --> 00:37:44.160
  • KNOWING WHERE YOUR MONEY IS A GOING.
  • 00:37:44.180 --> 00:37:47.110
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:37:47.130 --> 00:37:49.070
  • NUMBER TWO, GET OUT OF DEBT AND STAY
  • 00:37:49.090 --> 00:37:51.000
  • OUT OF DEBT, HA HA.
  • 00:37:51.020 --> 00:37:53.160
  • YOU KNEW I WAS GOING TO GO THERE.
  • 00:37:53.180 --> 00:37:55.250
  • NO, THIS IS NOT YOUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:37:55.270 --> 00:37:57.090
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:37:57.110 --> 00:38:02.200
  • BIBLE SAYS IN PROVERBS 22:7, "THE BORROWER IS
  • 00:38:02.220 --> 00:38:07.160
  • ENSLAVED TO THE LENDER." ROMANS 13:8 SAYS, "OH, NO
  • 00:38:07.180 --> 00:38:14.060
  • MAN ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR THE DEBT TO LOVE ONE
  • 00:38:14.080 --> 00:38:16.250
  • ANOTHER." IT'S AMAZING TO ME THAT EVEN THOUGH --
  • 00:38:16.270 --> 00:38:19.290
  • YOU TAKE THAT SCRIPTURE, THE TAIL END OF THAT
  • 00:38:20.010 --> 00:38:22.000
  • "EXCEPT FOR THE DEBT TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER," THAT'S
  • 00:38:22.020 --> 00:38:25.150
  • THE ONE DEBT THAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE, WE
  • 00:38:25.170 --> 00:38:27.080
  • CAN'T DO THAT WELL BECAUSE OF MONETARY DEBT.
  • 00:38:27.100 --> 00:38:30.100
  • SOME OF YOU ARE LIKE, YEAH, BUT I LOVE
  • 00:38:30.120 --> 00:38:31.240
  • MY DEBT LEVERAGING.
  • 00:38:31.260 --> 00:38:33.130
  • I'M STEPPING ON TOES, I KNOW I AM.
  • 00:38:33.150 --> 00:38:35.010
  • I'M SORRY, KIND OF.
  • 00:38:35.030 --> 00:38:36.270
  • NOTICE WHAT PROVERBS 22:7 DOESN'T SAY.
  • 00:38:36.290 --> 00:38:41.220
  • THE BORROWER IS ENSLAVED TO THE LENDER EXCEPT FOR
  • 00:38:41.240 --> 00:38:43.280
  • WHEN INTEREST RATES ARE ADVANTAGEOUS.
  • 00:38:44.000 --> 00:38:45.170
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:38:45.190 --> 00:38:47.180
  • LISTEN, I KNOW IT'S TENSE IN THE ROOM.
  • 00:38:47.200 --> 00:38:49.120
  • I KNOW IT, BUT THIS IS NOT A SALVATION ISSUE,
  • 00:38:49.140 --> 00:38:50.210
  • NOT A SIN ISSUE, IT'S A WISDOM ISSUE.
  • 00:38:50.230 --> 00:38:52.150
  • IT'S WHAT GOD WANTS FOR US.
  • 00:38:52.170 --> 00:38:54.040
  • HE WANTS US TO BE THE HEAD AND NOT THE TAIL.
  • 00:38:54.060 --> 00:38:55.160
  • LISTEN, IF YOU WANT ECONOMICS 101,
  • 00:38:55.180 --> 00:38:56.280
  • WRITE THIS DOWN.
  • 00:38:57.000 --> 00:38:58.170
  • INTEREST RECEIVED IS A REWARD.
  • 00:38:58.190 --> 00:39:01.130
  • INTEREST PAID IS A PENALTY.
  • 00:39:01.150 --> 00:39:02.240
  • - AUDIENCE MEMBER: YEAH.
  • 00:39:02.260 --> 00:39:04.050
  • - WHOA. MIND BLOWN, RIGHT?
  • 00:39:04.070 --> 00:39:07.200
  • BUT CHRIS, I LOVE MY CREDIT CARDS.
  • 00:39:07.220 --> 00:39:12.010
  • OH, NO HE DIDN'T.
  • 00:39:12.030 --> 00:39:13.140
  • CAN WE GET OUT OF HERE? WHERE'S THE NEXT EXIT?
  • 00:39:13.160 --> 00:39:17.230
  • CREDIT CARDS.
  • 00:39:17.250 --> 00:39:19.190
  • DID YOU KNOW THAT CREDIT CARD COMPANIES
  • 00:39:19.210 --> 00:39:21.160
  • THEMSELVES, THEY SAY THAT WE SPEND 20% MORE WHEN WE
  • 00:39:21.180 --> 00:39:23.180
  • USE A CREDIT CARD.
  • 00:39:23.200 --> 00:39:26.140
  • BUT WE GET EXCITED ABOUT GETTING
  • 00:39:26.160 --> 00:39:28.000
  • THREE PERCENT BACK.
  • 00:39:28.020 --> 00:39:29.200
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:39:29.220 --> 00:39:34.270
  • WE ARE SMARTER THAN THAT.
  • 00:39:34.290 --> 00:39:38.040
  • YEAH, BUT CHRIS, I LOVE MY CREDIT CARD POINTS.
  • 00:39:38.060 --> 00:39:41.290
  • I JUST DO. I LOVE THEM.
  • 00:39:42.010 --> 00:39:45.280
  • LISTEN, I AM COMPLETELY COOL WITH YOU OWNING STUFF.
  • 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:48.120
  • GOD'S COMPLETELY COOL WITH YOU OWNING STUFF.
  • 00:39:48.140 --> 00:39:50.120
  • MORE IMPORTANTLY, GOD WANTS US TO BE BLESSED.
  • 00:39:50.140 --> 00:39:52.110
  • WHO HERE LIKES TO OWN STUFF?
  • 00:39:52.130 --> 00:39:56.020
  • RAISE YOUR HAND.
  • 00:39:56.050 --> 00:39:58.130
  • YEAH, HELLO, I'M PART OF THE OPENING STUFF
  • 00:39:58.150 --> 00:40:00.110
  • ASSOCIATION, I'M IN.
  • 00:40:00.130 --> 00:40:01.240
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:40:01.260 --> 00:40:03.120
  • THE KEY IS TO OWN STUFF, NOT HAVE THE STUFF OWN
  • 00:40:03.140 --> 00:40:04.240
  • YOU. BIG DIFFERENCE.
  • 00:40:04.260 --> 00:40:07.000
  • IMAGINE THE CHURCH IN AMERICA WAS THE HEAD AND
  • 00:40:07.020 --> 00:40:09.070
  • NOT THE TAIL AND INSTEAD HAULING THIS AROUND --
  • 00:40:09.090 --> 00:40:11.170
  • HOW DO YOU PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR SPOUSE WHEN ALL
  • 00:40:11.190 --> 00:40:13.210
  • YOU CAN THINK ABOUT THE WEIGHT OF YOUR SHOULDERS?
  • 00:40:13.230 --> 00:40:17.060
  • AGAIN, NOT GUILT AND SHAME.
  • 00:40:17.080 --> 00:40:19.160
  • I WANT YOU TO KNOW THERE'S ANOTHER WAY.
  • 00:40:19.180 --> 00:40:22.000
  • ACTUALLY, I TOLD YOU EARLIER ABOUT THE 78%.
  • 00:40:22.020 --> 00:40:24.000
  • IT'S ACTUALLY 88% ARE LIVING PAYCHECK TO
  • 00:40:24.020 --> 00:40:26.120
  • PAYCHECK OR WORSE. GOD WANTS MORE FOR US.
  • 00:40:26.140 --> 00:40:31.000
  • IMAGINE THAT THE CHURCH WAS UNLEASHED WITH
  • 00:40:31.020 --> 00:40:33.140
  • FINANCIAL FREEDOM.
  • 00:40:33.160 --> 00:40:35.010
  • IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AS A COUPLE IF IT WAS
  • 00:40:35.030 --> 00:40:37.120
  • UNLEASHED, YOUR MARRIAGE WAS UNLEASHED WITH
  • 00:40:37.140 --> 00:40:40.220
  • FINANCIAL FREEDOM.
  • 00:40:40.240 --> 00:40:42.080
  • IMAGINE WHAT LIFE WOULD LOOK LIKE IN YOUR NEXT
  • 00:40:42.100 --> 00:40:43.290
  • DAY. AHHHH, RIGHT?
  • 00:40:44.010 --> 00:40:48.130
  • IT'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.
  • 00:40:48.150 --> 00:40:49.220
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:53.100
  • - [LAUGHING] I THINK FOR ME, MARRIAGE HAS SHOWN ME
  • 00:40:53.120 --> 00:40:57.280
  • SOME TRUTHS THAT I WASN'T ABLE TO SEE SINGLE.
  • 00:40:58.000 --> 00:41:02.260
  • - I WOULD SAY. - A LOT TALLER.
  • 00:41:02.280 --> 00:41:06.190
  • - YOU HAVE GROWN, YOU HAVE GROWN.
  • 00:41:06.210 --> 00:41:09.030
  • - HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?
  • 00:41:09.050 --> 00:41:11.110
  • [LAUGHING]
  • 00:41:11.130 --> 00:41:13.000
  • - BEING IN CONSTANT CLOSE COMMUNITY WITH
  • 00:41:13.020 --> 00:41:14.280
  • ANOTHER HUMAN BEING SHOWS YOU THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
  • 00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:17.190
  • THAT ARE PROBABLY LESS SAVORY BUT NECESSARY IF
  • 00:41:17.210 --> 00:41:20.260
  • YOU'RE GOING TO GROW AND MATURE INTO WHO
  • 00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:22.220
  • CHRIST WANTS YOU TO BE.
  • 00:41:22.240 --> 00:41:24.070
  • SO FOR ME, I'VE LEARNED SOME THINGS ABOUT MYSELF
  • 00:41:24.090 --> 00:41:26.050
  • THAT NEEDED TO GO AWAY AND NEEDED TO BE ADDRESSED.
  • 00:41:26.070 --> 00:41:29.110
  • I HAD A LOT OF PEOPLE TO CELEBRATE AND ENCOURAGE,
  • 00:41:29.130 --> 00:41:32.020
  • BUT MY WIFE HAS BEEN CELEBRATION,
  • 00:41:32.040 --> 00:41:33.230
  • ENCOURAGEMENT, CHALLENGE AND PRUNING, AND ALL FOUR
  • 00:41:33.250 --> 00:41:36.050
  • ARE NECESSARY TO BE A WHOLE MAN.
  • 00:41:36.070 --> 00:41:39.070
  • - WE'RE BOTH VERY STRONG PERSONALITY, SO WE'VE
  • 00:41:39.090 --> 00:41:42.090
  • LEARNED HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE AT JUST THE RIGHT
  • 00:41:42.110 --> 00:41:46.070
  • TIME SO THAT WE CAN WORK TOGETHER INSTEAD OF
  • 00:41:46.090 --> 00:41:49.060
  • WORKING AGAINST EACH OTHER.
  • 00:41:49.080 --> 00:41:50.220
  • - LIKE PUTTING OUR SET LIST TOGETHER.
  • 00:41:50.240 --> 00:41:52.070
  • - CHALLENGING. - YES.
  • 00:41:52.090 --> 00:41:54.070
  • - THINGS LIKE THAT ARE CHALLENGING; HANGING
  • 00:41:54.090 --> 00:41:56.030
  • CURTAINS TOGETHER.
  • 00:41:56.050 --> 00:41:57.070
  • - YES.
  • 00:41:57.090 --> 00:41:58.170
  • - IT'S A REALLY BIG TELL.
  • 00:41:58.190 --> 00:42:00.030
  • - SHE HAS A WAY, I HAVE A WAY, TO NOT DO IT.
  • 00:42:00.050 --> 00:42:01.270
  • - YEAH, SO.
  • 00:42:01.290 --> 00:42:03.280
  • - BUT I THINK DEFINITELY...
  • 00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:05.170
  • - WE'VE GROWN IN THAT.
  • 00:42:05.190 --> 00:42:06.240
  • - WORKING TOGETHER.
  • 00:42:06.260 --> 00:42:08.100
  • - YEAH, ONE THING THAT I'VE LEARNED -- BECAUSE A
  • 00:42:08.120 --> 00:42:10.130
  • LOT OF TIMES I FEEL LIKE US, AS WOMEN,
  • 00:42:10.150 --> 00:42:12.060
  • WE TALK IN CODE.
  • 00:42:12.080 --> 00:42:13.170
  • WE'RE NEVER REALLY DIRECT WITH OUR SPOUSE, AND I
  • 00:42:13.190 --> 00:42:15.180
  • SHARED THAT WITH HIM, AND HE SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:42:15.200 --> 00:42:17.230
  • I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO DO A BETTER
  • 00:42:17.250 --> 00:42:18.270
  • JOB OF LISTENING.
  • 00:42:18.290 --> 00:42:20.080
  • - WE HAVE TO ALLOW THE MAN TO BE THE MAN.
  • 00:42:20.100 --> 00:42:21.230
  • WE HAVE TO ALLOW THEM TO DO THE JOB THAT
  • 00:42:21.250 --> 00:42:24.040
  • THE LORD INTENDED.
  • 00:42:24.060 --> 00:42:25.190
  • THAT'S HOW I KNOW I'VE CHANGED, BECAUSE NOW I'M
  • 00:42:25.210 --> 00:42:27.250
  • JUST LIKE, OKAY.
  • 00:42:27.270 --> 00:42:29.140
  • [LAUGHING]
  • 00:42:29.160 --> 00:42:31.040
  • GO AHEAD. SOMETIMES, MOST OF THE TIME...
  • 00:42:31.060 --> 00:42:33.190
  • - SOMETIMES. SHE STILL STRUGGLES.
  • 00:42:33.210 --> 00:42:36.100
  • - I STILL STRUGGLE, BUT I HAVE GOTTEN
  • 00:42:36.120 --> 00:42:38.000
  • A LOT BETTER.
  • 00:42:38.020 --> 00:42:39.110
  • BABE, I HAVE GOTTEN A LOT BETTER, RIGHT?
  • 00:42:39.130 --> 00:42:42.020
  • - YES. I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
  • 00:42:42.040 --> 00:42:45.030
  • - THAT DIDN'T SOUND TOO PROMISING.
  • 00:42:45.050 --> 00:42:48.040
  • - YES, YOU HAVE. YOU'VE GOTTEN BETTER.
  • 00:42:48.060 --> 00:42:49.250
  • IT'S GOT TO BE EARNED, NOT GIVEN. OH!
  • 00:42:49.270 --> 00:42:51.150
  • [BEAT BOXING SOUND]
  • 00:42:51.170 --> 00:42:53.190
  • - NOBODY'S DANCING, NO FEET.
  • 00:42:53.210 --> 00:42:54.270
  • - ALL RIGHT.
  • 00:42:54.290 --> 00:42:56.050
  • [LAUGHING]
  • 00:42:56.070 --> 00:42:57.200
  • - NUMBER THREE, YOU WANT TO CULTIVATE AND MAINTAIN
  • 00:42:57.220 --> 00:42:59.120
  • QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS OF THE YOU'RE LIKE, CHRIS,
  • 00:42:59.140 --> 00:43:02.200
  • THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FINANCE.
  • 00:43:02.220 --> 00:43:05.120
  • YOU'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE. MAYBE NOT.
  • 00:43:05.140 --> 00:43:09.100
  • I CORINTHIANS 15:33, MAYBE YOU KNOW THIS
  • 00:43:09.120 --> 00:43:11.250
  • PASSAGE, "DO NOT BE MISLED.
  • 00:43:11.270 --> 00:43:16.010
  • BAD COMPANY CORRUPTS GOOD HABITS." YOUR INCOME OVER
  • 00:43:16.030 --> 00:43:20.000
  • YOUR LIFETIME WILL BE WITHIN TEN PERCENT OF THE
  • 00:43:20.020 --> 00:43:22.220
  • TEN PEOPLE YOU HANG OUT WITH THE MOST.
  • 00:43:22.240 --> 00:43:25.270
  • WHO ARE YOU HANGING WITH?
  • 00:43:25.290 --> 00:43:28.040
  • YOU'RE LIKE, DANG, I NEED SOME NEW FRIENDS.
  • 00:43:28.060 --> 00:43:30.020
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:43:30.040 --> 00:43:32.100
  • NUMBER FOUR, NUMBER FOUR IS SAVE AND INVEST, SAVE
  • 00:43:32.120 --> 00:43:35.240
  • AND INVEST, AND I'M SNEAKING TWO INTO ONE
  • 00:43:35.260 --> 00:43:37.290
  • HERE. SAVE AND INVEST.
  • 00:43:38.010 --> 00:43:41.050
  • CHECK OUT WITH THE BIBLE SAYS.
  • 00:43:41.070 --> 00:43:42.190
  • AGAIN, THIS IS A WISDOM THING, NOT NECESSARILY A
  • 00:43:42.210 --> 00:43:44.110
  • SALVATION THING OR A SIN THING.
  • 00:43:44.130 --> 00:43:46.040
  • IT'S A WISDOM THING. CHECK THIS OUT.
  • 00:43:46.060 --> 00:43:49.080
  • "IN THE HOUSE OF THE WISE IS CHOICE FOOD AND OIL,
  • 00:43:49.100 --> 00:43:54.030
  • BUT FOOLS GULP IT ALL DOWN." PROVERBS 21:20.
  • 00:43:54.050 --> 00:43:58.010
  • LET ME TRANSLATE THAT. FOOD AND OIL, WHAT? SQUEEZE ME?
  • 00:43:58.030 --> 00:44:02.030
  • BAKING POWDER, RIGHT? NO, FOOD AND OIL.
  • 00:44:02.050 --> 00:44:04.170
  • THOSE WERE MEDIUMS OF EXCHANGE BACK THEN.
  • 00:44:04.190 --> 00:44:06.110
  • THAT WAS LEGAL TENDER BACK THEN,
  • 00:44:06.130 --> 00:44:07.210
  • SO LET ME DO IT AGAIN.
  • 00:44:07.230 --> 00:44:09.060
  • IN THE HOUSE OF THE WISE IS CASH, AND FOOLS
  • 00:44:09.080 --> 00:44:12.220
  • GULP IT ALL DOWN. LET ME TRANSLATE AGAIN.
  • 00:44:12.240 --> 00:44:14.200
  • IN THE HOUSE OF THE WISE COUPLES, THEY HAVE CASH.
  • 00:44:14.220 --> 00:44:20.290
  • THEY DON'T GULP IT ALL DOWN.
  • 00:44:21.010 --> 00:44:22.160
  • THEY DON'T SPEND $1.26 FOR $1.00 THAT THEY EARN.
  • 00:44:22.180 --> 00:44:25.030
  • YEAH, BUT CHRIS, THERE'S NO WAY THAT I CAN SAVE.
  • 00:44:25.050 --> 00:44:27.180
  • THERE'S NO WAY. YOU DON'T KNOW MY FINANCES. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
  • 00:44:27.200 --> 00:44:31.020
  • THAT'S WHY WE GOT TO GET OUT OF DEBT, BECAUSE
  • 00:44:31.040 --> 00:44:32.270
  • RIGHT NOW -- WRITE THIS DOWN, WRITE THIS DOWN --
  • 00:44:32.290 --> 00:44:35.120
  • EVERY DOLLAR THAT COMES INTO YOUR HANDS HAS AN
  • 00:44:35.140 --> 00:44:35.160
  • OBLIGATION TO THE PAST, SO IT HAS NO OPPORTUNITY
  • 00:44:37.150 --> 00:44:39.130
  • FOR THE FUTURE.
  • 00:44:39.150 --> 00:44:41.260
  • THERE'S A REASON WHY YOU CAN'T SAVE.
  • 00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:44.170
  • IT'S BECAUSE RATE NOW IT'S OBLIGATED.
  • 00:44:44.190 --> 00:44:47.180
  • YOU'RE LIVING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE LOOKING THROUGH THE
  • 00:44:47.200 --> 00:44:49.160
  • REAR VIEW MIRROR, AND THE WIND SHIELD IS BIGGER.
  • 00:44:49.180 --> 00:44:52.000
  • SO YOU'RE LIKE, HOW DO I GET INVOLVED IN INVESTING.
  • 00:44:52.020 --> 00:44:53.220
  • WELL, FOR MOST OF THE 88 PERCENT OF YOU, IT'S A
  • 00:44:53.240 --> 00:44:55.220
  • LITTLE TOO EARLY TO HAVE THAT CONVERSATION, SO
  • 00:44:55.240 --> 00:44:57.230
  • WE'RE NOT GOING TO GO HEAVY INTO THE INVESTING.
  • 00:44:57.250 --> 00:44:59.110
  • BUT I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU THE POWER OF COMPOUND
  • 00:44:59.130 --> 00:45:00.240
  • INTEREST, THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD, EINSTEIN SAID.
  • 00:45:00.260 --> 00:45:03.050
  • DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU TOOK A HUNDRED DOLLARS --
  • 00:45:03.070 --> 00:45:05.110
  • CHRIS, I DON'T HAVE A HUNDRED DOLLARS, OH,
  • 00:45:05.130 --> 00:45:06.250
  • YEAH, LATTE BREATH?
  • 00:45:06.270 --> 00:45:08.030
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:45:08.050 --> 00:45:12.200
  • JUST SAYING.
  • 00:45:12.220 --> 00:45:15.080
  • I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT. I'VE SEEN YOUR JEANS.
  • 00:45:15.100 --> 00:45:17.220
  • I'VE SEEN YOUR MAC BOOK AIR 7693 NINER.
  • 00:45:17.240 --> 00:45:21.140
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:45:21.160 --> 00:45:23.220
  • SO A HUNDRED DOLLARS FROM AGE 25 TO 65 IN A GOOD
  • 00:45:23.240 --> 00:45:26.170
  • GROWTH STOCK MUTUAL FUND OR A ROTH IRA AT
  • 00:45:26.190 --> 00:45:28.130
  • HISTORICAL RATES, YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO BELIEVE
  • 00:45:28.150 --> 00:45:30.270
  • ME, $1.7 MILLION DOLLARS.
  • 00:45:30.290 --> 00:45:34.120
  • SO THAT SAVING AND INVESTING -- OH, THIS ONE
  • 00:45:34.140 --> 00:45:36.120
  • IS MY FAVOR. ARE YOU READY? BE INCREDIBLY GENEROUS.
  • 00:45:36.140 --> 00:45:39.200
  • CHRIS, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
  • 00:45:39.220 --> 00:45:42.110
  • ALL THE OTHER ONES ARE ADDITION,
  • 00:45:42.130 --> 00:45:43.230
  • THIS IS A SUBTRACTION.
  • 00:45:43.250 --> 00:45:45.100
  • THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
  • 00:45:45.120 --> 00:45:46.210
  • I KNOW IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT GUESS
  • 00:45:46.230 --> 00:45:48.170
  • WHAT? IT'S BIBLICAL. CHECK THIS OUT.
  • 00:45:48.190 --> 00:45:52.070
  • IF YOU'VE NOT BEEN EXPOSED TO THIS VERSE, IT
  • 00:45:52.090 --> 00:45:54.010
  • WILL WRECK YOUR WORLD IN A GOOD WAY.
  • 00:45:54.030 --> 00:45:56.020
  • PROVERBS 11:25 SAYS THIS, "THE GENEROUS WILL
  • 00:45:56.040 --> 00:46:01.040
  • PROSPER." I DIDN'T WRITE IT, Y'ALL.
  • 00:46:01.060 --> 00:46:04.000
  • I'M JUST THE RELAY DUDE.
  • 00:46:04.020 --> 00:46:05.240
  • THE GENEROUS WILL PROSPER.
  • 00:46:05.260 --> 00:46:07.110
  • AND THEN IT GOES A LITTLE BIT FURTHER.
  • 00:46:07.130 --> 00:46:08.270
  • IT SAYS THOSE WHO REFRESH OTHERS THEMSELVES
  • 00:46:08.290 --> 00:46:10.140
  • WILL BE REFRESHED.
  • 00:46:10.160 --> 00:46:12.060
  • THOSE COUPLES WHO REFRESH OTHERS THEMSELVES.
  • 00:46:12.080 --> 00:46:14.160
  • YOU WANT A GOOD HOT MARRIAGE?
  • 00:46:14.180 --> 00:46:16.240
  • SERVE OTHER PEOPLE. BE GENEROUS. GIVE MONETARILY.
  • 00:46:16.260 --> 00:46:20.280
  • GIVE OF YOUR TIME, YOUR ENERGY.
  • 00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:22.180
  • JUST BE A GENEROUS PERSON.
  • 00:46:22.200 --> 00:46:25.080
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:46:25.100 --> 00:46:26.260
  • SO THOSE ARE SOME MAJOR PRINCIPLES THAT WE NEED
  • 00:46:26.280 --> 00:46:28.140
  • TO START DOING IN OUR LIVES, LIVE ON A BUDGET,
  • 00:46:28.160 --> 00:46:30.160
  • GET OUT OF DEBT AND STAY OUT OF DEBT.
  • 00:46:30.180 --> 00:46:33.090
  • WE WANT TO MAKE SURE WE CULTIVATE AND MAINTAIN
  • 00:46:33.110 --> 00:46:35.050
  • QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS, SAVE AND INVEST, AND BE
  • 00:46:35.070 --> 00:46:37.190
  • INCREDIBLY GENEROUS. THANK Y'ALL VERY MUCH.
  • 00:46:37.210 --> 00:46:40.290
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:46:41.010 --> 00:46:45.270
  • - YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE, BUT
  • 00:46:45.290 --> 00:46:47.250
  • YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF, AND WHEN YOU START
  • 00:46:47.270 --> 00:46:49.180
  • CHANGING YOURSELF AND ASKING THE LORD, YOU
  • 00:46:49.200 --> 00:46:52.050
  • KNOW, GOD, WHAT DO I NEED TO CHANGE?
  • 00:46:52.070 --> 00:46:54.060
  • WHAT DO I NEED TO DO DIFFERENTLY, AND YOU
  • 00:46:54.080 --> 00:46:56.010
  • START MAKING THOSE CHANGES, THE OTHER SPOUSE
  • 00:46:56.030 --> 00:46:58.160
  • NOTICES THAT, SEES THAT, AND WHAT WE'VE SEEN IS
  • 00:46:58.180 --> 00:47:01.020
  • THAT THEY START CHANGING BECAUSE OF THE OTHER
  • 00:47:01.040 --> 00:47:03.040
  • SPOUSE CHANGING.
  • 00:47:03.060 --> 00:47:05.040
  • - FOR SURE. WE NAMED IT "SPARK" BECAUSE A SPARK IS SUCH A
  • 00:47:05.060 --> 00:47:08.150
  • SMALL AND INSIGNIFICANT PARTICLE, BUT IT HAS SO
  • 00:47:08.170 --> 00:47:12.010
  • MUCH POTENTIAL.
  • 00:47:12.030 --> 00:47:13.240
  • IT CAN START A ROARING FIRE, AND WE JUST
  • 00:47:13.260 --> 00:47:16.140
  • THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, IF WE COULD JUST HAVE EVERY
  • 00:47:16.160 --> 00:47:19.090
  • MARRIAGE JUST TO HAVE A SPARK, JUST TO TAKE A
  • 00:47:19.110 --> 00:47:21.180
  • STEP; THOSE GOOSE BUMP FEELINGS THAT EVERYBODY
  • 00:47:21.200 --> 00:47:23.190
  • GETS AT THE BEGINNING OF THEIR MARRIAGE, IT ONLY
  • 00:47:23.210 --> 00:47:25.290
  • LASTS FOR SOMEWHERE AROUND TWO YEARS,
  • 00:47:26.010 --> 00:47:28.040
  • BUT WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER THAT?
  • 00:47:28.060 --> 00:47:29.220
  • YOU HAVE TO START MAKING THOSE CHOICES,
  • 00:47:29.240 --> 00:47:31.170
  • AND I THINK THAT'S WHAT ASHLEE ND I HAD TO DO.
  • 00:47:31.190 --> 00:47:33.260
  • WE STRUGGLED A LOT IN OUR FIRST FIVE YEARS
  • 00:47:33.280 --> 00:47:36.030
  • OF OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:47:36.050 --> 00:47:37.290
  • WE PUT ON THE MASKS, AND WE TOLD EVERYBODY THAT WE
  • 00:47:38.010 --> 00:47:39.240
  • WERE OKAY, BUT WE REALLY NEVER GOT DOWN TO THE
  • 00:47:39.260 --> 00:47:41.240
  • HEART OF THE MATTER.
  • 00:47:41.260 --> 00:47:43.290
  • AND I THINK FOR US, IT WAS REALLY JUST NOT
  • 00:47:44.010 --> 00:47:46.090
  • MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES EVERY DAY IN THE SMALL
  • 00:47:46.110 --> 00:47:47.290
  • THINGS, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:47:48.010 --> 00:47:49.230
  • NEVER LOSING THE WONDER OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE
  • 00:47:49.250 --> 00:47:52.160
  • MARRIED, TO LOVE EACH OTHER.
  • 00:47:52.180 --> 00:47:54.280
  • THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT HOW THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE.
  • 00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:57.240
  • THAT'S AN EVER-HAPPENING THING THAT HAPPENS.
  • 00:47:57.260 --> 00:48:00.240
  • YOU'RE ALWAYS BECOMING ONE, AND I THINK THAT
  • 00:48:00.260 --> 00:48:03.150
  • WILL CONTINUE UNTIL ONE OF US TAKES OUR LAST BREATH.
  • 00:48:03.170 --> 00:48:06.010
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:48:06.030 --> 00:48:07.290
  • - AND NOW, MARRIAGE PASTORS AT LAKEWOOD
  • 00:48:08.010 --> 00:48:09.240
  • CHURCH CLAYTON AND ASHLEE HURST.
  • 00:48:09.260 --> 00:48:11.180
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:48:11.200 --> 00:48:13.220
  • - HI, GUYS. THANKS SO MUCH.
  • 00:48:13.240 --> 00:48:16.080
  • WE JUST WANTED TO SHARE A LITTLE BIT OF OUR STORY
  • 00:48:16.100 --> 00:48:18.050
  • TODAY BECAUSE WE CAME FROM A GREAT FAMILY LIFE.
  • 00:48:18.070 --> 00:48:21.060
  • MY PARENTS, AT THE TIME, WHEN ASHLEE AND I GOT
  • 00:48:21.080 --> 00:48:23.110
  • MARRIED, HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR PROBABLY 30 YEARS,
  • 00:48:23.130 --> 00:48:25.180
  • AT THE TIME.
  • 00:48:25.200 --> 00:48:27.060
  • ASHLEE'S PARENTS HAD BEEN MARRIED FOR 25 OR 30
  • 00:48:27.080 --> 00:48:28.270
  • YEARS, AND MY GRANDPARENTS HAD JUST
  • 00:48:28.290 --> 00:48:30.240
  • CELEBRATED THEIR 60TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, AND
  • 00:48:30.260 --> 00:48:33.120
  • WE HAD THESE GREAT MODELS OUT IN FRONT OF US, AND
  • 00:48:33.140 --> 00:48:36.150
  • WE HAD SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON OUR WEDDING DAY.
  • 00:48:36.170 --> 00:48:39.240
  • EVERYBODY SPENDS SO MUCH TIME ON THE DETAILS OF
  • 00:48:39.260 --> 00:48:42.100
  • THEIR WEDDING DAY. YOU HAVE THE LIST.
  • 00:48:42.120 --> 00:48:45.120
  • NOW YOU CAN SIGN UP ON A WEB SITE, AND THEY KIND
  • 00:48:45.140 --> 00:48:47.230
  • OF COUNTDOWN THE DAYS. HAVE YOU DONE THIS?
  • 00:48:47.250 --> 00:48:49.120
  • HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE PHOTOGRAPHER?
  • 00:48:49.140 --> 00:48:51.010
  • HAVE YOU GOTTEN THE JUSTICE OF THE PEACE OR
  • 00:48:51.030 --> 00:48:52.150
  • THE PASTOR?
  • 00:48:52.170 --> 00:48:54.020
  • HAVE YOU GOTTEN ALL OF THESE DIFFERENT THINGS DONE?
  • 00:48:54.040 --> 00:48:55.210
  • WE WERE PLANNING SO MUCH FOR THE WEDDING DAY, WE
  • 00:48:55.230 --> 00:48:57.220
  • THOUGHT AFTER WE SAID "I DO", THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY.
  • 00:48:57.240 --> 00:49:00.230
  • - CAKE.
  • 00:49:00.250 --> 00:49:02.240
  • - NO PROBLEM.
  • 00:49:02.260 --> 00:49:04.230
  • WE ALSO -- I HAD SOME UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.
  • 00:49:04.250 --> 00:49:07.050
  • I ASSUMED EVERYBODY KNEW HOW TO COOK.
  • 00:49:07.070 --> 00:49:11.180
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:49:11.200 --> 00:49:14.120
  • LIKE MY MOM, YOU KNOW?
  • 00:49:14.140 --> 00:49:16.090
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:49:16.110 --> 00:49:18.060
  • IT WASN'T THE CASE. BUT I DO REMEMBER THIS.
  • 00:49:18.080 --> 00:49:22.260
  • THIS IS LIKE COUNSELING. THIS IS GREAT.
  • 00:49:22.280 --> 00:49:24.260
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:49:24.280 --> 00:49:26.130
  • - IT'S GREAT.
  • 00:49:26.150 --> 00:49:27.240
  • - I DO REMEMBER THIS ONE TIME I CAME HOME.
  • 00:49:27.260 --> 00:49:29.120
  • I WAS WORKING AT A UNIVERSITY IN
  • 00:49:29.140 --> 00:49:31.150
  • THEIR I.T. DEPARTMENT.
  • 00:49:31.170 --> 00:49:33.260
  • I DROVE HOME, AND I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE I KNEW
  • 00:49:33.280 --> 00:49:35.230
  • SHE WAS GOING TO BE RIGHT THERE WITH ME.
  • 00:49:35.250 --> 00:49:37.260
  • WE WERE NEW AND IN LOVE.
  • 00:49:37.280 --> 00:49:39.190
  • WE WERE ABOUT SIX MONTHS INTO OUR MARRIAGE, AND
  • 00:49:39.210 --> 00:49:42.090
  • SHE OPENED THE DOOR, AND MAN, SHE HAD A GLASS OF
  • 00:49:42.110 --> 00:49:44.230
  • SWEET TEA WAITING FOR ME.
  • 00:49:44.250 --> 00:49:46.280
  • I LOOKED OVER, AND THE TABLE WAS SET AND JUST A
  • 00:49:47.000 --> 00:49:49.210
  • BEAUTIFUL -- CHICKEN AND MASHED POTATOES.
  • 00:49:49.230 --> 00:49:53.060
  • IT LOOKED INCREDIBLE.
  • 00:49:53.080 --> 00:49:55.050
  • I WAS LIKE, WOW, YOU DID ALL OF THIS FOR ME?
  • 00:49:55.070 --> 00:49:57.070
  • SHE WAS LIKE, YEAH, I'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY ON IT.
  • 00:49:57.090 --> 00:49:59.060
  • I'M GOING, OH, MY GOSH. SHE READ SOME MAGAZINES.
  • 00:49:59.080 --> 00:50:01.210
  • THIS IS GOING TO BE FANTASTIC.
  • 00:50:01.230 --> 00:50:03.250
  • WELL, I SIT DOWN, AND I'M SO EXCITED. I'M STARVING.
  • 00:50:03.270 --> 00:50:06.020
  • I CUT INTO THIS CHICKEN, AND I OPEN IT UP, AND
  • 00:50:06.040 --> 00:50:10.200
  • IT'S AT THAT MOMENT THAT I REALIZED I HAVE TWO CHOICES.
  • 00:50:10.220 --> 00:50:12.220
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:12.240 --> 00:50:16.280
  • BOTH OF WHICH ARE GOING TO END IN MY DEATH.
  • 00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:18.190
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:18.210 --> 00:50:21.290
  • I COULD EITHER TELL HER "WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE CHICKEN?
  • 00:50:22.010 --> 00:50:25.140
  • IT'S NOT COOKED." OR I COULD JUST EAT THE
  • 00:50:25.160 --> 00:50:28.050
  • CHICKEN AND DIE.
  • 00:50:28.070 --> 00:50:30.000
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:30.020 --> 00:50:33.130
  • FORTUNATELY, I CAME UP WITH OPTION THREE.
  • 00:50:33.150 --> 00:50:35.090
  • I THINK IT WAS THE HOLY SPIRIT, AND I SAID, YOU
  • 00:50:35.110 --> 00:50:37.190
  • KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
  • 00:50:37.210 --> 00:50:39.000
  • I REALLY LIKE MY CHICKEN REALLY, REALLY HOT.
  • 00:50:39.020 --> 00:50:41.270
  • SO I WENT AND PUT THEM IN THE MICROWAVE FOR ABOUT
  • 00:50:41.290 --> 00:50:43.210
  • 20 MINUTES. IT WAS FANTASTIC.
  • 00:50:43.230 --> 00:50:46.190
  • [LAUGHTER]
  • 00:50:46.210 --> 00:50:48.110
  • - SO YOU GUYS, WE HAD THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:50:48.130 --> 00:50:52.160
  • WE BOTH COME FROM REALLY GREAT FAMILIES.
  • 00:50:52.180 --> 00:50:55.110
  • BOTH OF OUR PARENTS NOW -- MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN
  • 00:50:55.130 --> 00:50:57.180
  • MARRIED ALMOST 50 YEARS.
  • 00:50:57.200 --> 00:50:59.010
  • HIS PARENTS JUST CELEBRATED THEIR 56TH
  • 00:50:59.030 --> 00:51:00.140
  • WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
  • 00:51:00.160 --> 00:51:02.230
  • AND SO WE COME FROM THIS HERITAGE OF A GODLY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:51:02.250 --> 00:51:07.210
  • THEY BOTH HAD GREAT MARRIAGES.
  • 00:51:07.230 --> 00:51:09.160
  • SO WE JUST THOUGHT WE HAD THIS THING TOGETHER,
  • 00:51:09.180 --> 00:51:11.080
  • BUT WE DIDN'T.
  • 00:51:11.100 --> 00:51:13.080
  • LITTLE DID WE KNOW, WE FOUND OURSELVES IN THIS
  • 00:51:13.100 --> 00:51:15.010
  • VALLEY OF HOPELESSNESS FIVE YEARS
  • 00:51:15.030 --> 00:51:16.200
  • INTO OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:51:16.220 --> 00:51:18.100
  • AND YOU KNOW, THERE'S A SCRIPTURE IN PROVERBS 24
  • 00:51:18.120 --> 00:51:20.040
  • THAT SAYS, "A HOUSE IS BUILT ON WISDOM, AND
  • 00:51:20.060 --> 00:51:23.090
  • THROUGH UNDERSTANDING IT IS ESTABLISHED, AND
  • 00:51:23.110 --> 00:51:26.110
  • THROUGH KNOWLEDGE, ITS ROOMS ARE FILLED WITH
  • 00:51:26.130 --> 00:51:28.110
  • JEWELS." WELL, WE DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO GO
  • 00:51:28.130 --> 00:51:30.090
  • THROUGH PREMARITAL COUNSELING.
  • 00:51:30.110 --> 00:51:32.060
  • WE DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER.
  • 00:51:32.080 --> 00:51:34.140
  • WE DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO GET THE KNOWLEDGE OF
  • 00:51:34.160 --> 00:51:36.180
  • WHAT IT MEANT TO BE A HUSBAND, OF WHAT IT MEANT
  • 00:51:36.200 --> 00:51:38.170
  • TO BE A WIFE, AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE WISDOM WE
  • 00:51:38.190 --> 00:51:41.000
  • NEEDED FROM GOD TO KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS PROBLEM
  • 00:51:41.020 --> 00:51:43.030
  • WE FOUND OURSELVES IN.
  • 00:51:43.050 --> 00:51:46.120
  • - ASHLEE AND I JUST WANTED TO SHARE OUR STORY
  • 00:51:46.140 --> 00:51:48.180
  • NOT REALLY BECAUSE IT IS UNIQUE IN ANY WAY, BUT
  • 00:51:48.200 --> 00:51:53.120
  • WHAT WE FOUND OUT IS THAT IT'S ACTUALLY
  • 00:51:53.140 --> 00:51:54.260
  • KIND OF COMMON.
  • 00:51:54.280 --> 00:51:56.140
  • WHEN WE FIRST GOT MARRIED AND INTO OUR FIRST FIVE
  • 00:51:56.160 --> 00:51:58.220
  • YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE, ABOUT MIDWAY THROUGH, I
  • 00:51:58.240 --> 00:52:02.120
  • HAD BECOME A CHILDREN'S PASTOR AT THE TIME, AND
  • 00:52:02.140 --> 00:52:04.230
  • WE WERE REALLY GREAT AT PUTTING MASKS UP.
  • 00:52:04.250 --> 00:52:07.040
  • WE WERE REALLY GREAT AT DOING THOSE THINGS, AND
  • 00:52:07.060 --> 00:52:09.110
  • GOD, IN HIS ULTIMATE WISDOM, AFTER THOSE FIRST
  • 00:52:09.130 --> 00:52:11.150
  • FIVE YEARS, IN YEAR SIX, SOME THINGS BEGAN TO SHIFT.
  • 00:52:11.170 --> 00:52:15.220
  • BUT IT TOOK HIM SPEAKING SPECIFICALLY TO ME TO
  • 00:52:15.240 --> 00:52:18.020
  • MAKE ME WANT TO CHANGE.
  • 00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:20.020
  • FOR SOME STRANGE REASON, PEOPLE IN OUR HOME CHURCH
  • 00:52:20.040 --> 00:52:22.230
  • WERE COMING TO ME FOR MARRIAGE ADVICE.
  • 00:52:22.250 --> 00:52:26.130
  • I KNOW, YOU'RE WANTING TO LAUGH. I LAUGHED, TOO.
  • 00:52:26.150 --> 00:52:29.030
  • WHY ARE THEY COMING TO ME?
  • 00:52:29.050 --> 00:52:30.260
  • AT HOME, I DON'T HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE, BUT I
  • 00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:32.200
  • COULD TELL YOU HOW TO HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:52:32.220 --> 00:52:34.180
  • I COULD TELL SOMEONE ELSE WHAT THEY NEEDED TO DO.
  • 00:52:34.200 --> 00:52:36.270
  • I JUST NEVER REALIZED THAT WHEN YOU'RE POINTING
  • 00:52:36.290 --> 00:52:39.290
  • A FINGER AT SOMEONE ELSE, I GOT THREE POINTING
  • 00:52:40.010 --> 00:52:41.140
  • BACK AT YOU.
  • 00:52:41.160 --> 00:52:42.270
  • I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS COUPLE CAME IN, AND THEY
  • 00:52:42.290 --> 00:52:45.060
  • WERE WANTING ME TO HELP THEM WITH THEIR MARRIAGE,
  • 00:52:45.080 --> 00:52:46.240
  • AND WE'D BEEN MEETING EVERY WEEK FOR A
  • 00:52:46.260 --> 00:52:48.140
  • COUPLE OF MONTHS.
  • 00:52:48.160 --> 00:52:50.000
  • AND I FELT LIKE YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY GOOD AT THIS.
  • 00:52:50.020 --> 00:52:52.010
  • THERE'S A GRACE TO DO IT.
  • 00:52:52.030 --> 00:52:53.250
  • I FELT LIKE THEY WERE MAKING SOME CHANGES, AND
  • 00:52:53.270 --> 00:52:56.220
  • COME TO FIND OUT, A FEW WEEKS LATER, AFTER THEY
  • 00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:58.130
  • STOPPED COMING IN, THEY HAD FILED FOR SEPARATION,
  • 00:52:58.150 --> 00:53:00.110
  • AND THEN ULTIMATELY DIVORCE.
  • 00:53:00.130 --> 00:53:02.270
  • I WAS SO FRUSTRATED, AND I WAS REALLY KIND OF
  • 00:53:02.290 --> 00:53:04.180
  • PRIDEFUL, ULTIMATELY.
  • 00:53:04.200 --> 00:53:06.230
  • HOW DARE THEY TAKE UP MY TIME, AND I JUST HAD THE
  • 00:53:06.250 --> 00:53:10.090
  • WRONG MIND SET.
  • 00:53:10.110 --> 00:53:11.270
  • I WAS PRIDEFUL, I WAS ARROGANT.
  • 00:53:11.290 --> 00:53:13.170
  • AND THE NEXT WEEK, A COUPLE COMES IN,
  • 00:53:13.190 --> 00:53:15.280
  • AND THEY WANT TO MEET WITH THEY AGAIN.
  • 00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:17.050
  • I'M LIKE, OKAY, LET'S SEE IF WE CAN HELP THEM.
  • 00:53:17.070 --> 00:53:20.080
  • AND I'LL NEVER FORGET A VOICE ON THE INSIDE OF ME
  • 00:53:20.100 --> 00:53:21.270
  • SPOKE TO ME AND SAID "ARE YOU WILLING TO DO
  • 00:53:21.290 --> 00:53:24.260
  • WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HAVE THE MARRIAGE YOU'VE
  • 00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:26.240
  • ALWAYS HOPED AND DREAMED OF?"
  • 00:53:26.260 --> 00:53:28.140
  • AND I THOUGHT, OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT!
  • 00:53:28.160 --> 00:53:30.050
  • I'M GOING TO USE THAT ON THIS COUPLE.
  • 00:53:30.070 --> 00:53:33.210
  • SO I SAT DOWN AND I ASKED THEM THAT QUESTION, AND
  • 00:53:33.230 --> 00:53:35.130
  • THEY SAID, OF COURSE.
  • 00:53:35.150 --> 00:53:37.040
  • THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
  • 00:53:37.060 --> 00:53:38.210
  • WE GOT FINISHED WITH THAT SESSION, AND I'LL NEVER
  • 00:53:38.230 --> 00:53:40.210
  • FORGET GOING OUT INTO THE PARKING LOT, GOT IN MY
  • 00:53:40.230 --> 00:53:42.210
  • CAR, AND I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT SAME VOICE ON
  • 00:53:42.230 --> 00:53:44.220
  • THE INSIDE OF ME SPOKE AND SAID, "HEY CLAYTON,
  • 00:53:44.240 --> 00:53:47.260
  • THAT QUESTION WASN'T FOR THAT COUPLE.
  • 00:53:47.280 --> 00:53:49.230
  • THAT QUESTION WAS FOR YOU." AND I'LL NEVER
  • 00:53:49.250 --> 00:53:52.020
  • FORGET THAT MOMENT.
  • 00:53:52.040 --> 00:53:53.250
  • IT WAS A BREAKING MOMENT FOR ME. I WENT HOME.
  • 00:53:53.270 --> 00:53:56.230
  • I TOLD ASHLEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED, AND I SAID, I'M
  • 00:53:56.250 --> 00:53:59.070
  • WILLING IF YOU ARE.
  • 00:53:59.090 --> 00:54:01.080
  • AND THAT BEGAN OUR TRANSITION OUT OF THAT
  • 00:54:01.100 --> 00:54:03.230
  • VALLEY OF HOPELESSNESS.
  • 00:54:03.250 --> 00:54:05.140
  • - YEAH, AND I GOTTA TELL YOU TODAY, YOU MIGHT BE
  • 00:54:05.160 --> 00:54:07.180
  • SITTING THERE, AND YOU'RE THINKING, WELL, THAT'S
  • 00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:09.130
  • GREAT FOR YOU GUYS.
  • 00:54:09.150 --> 00:54:10.290
  • YOU COME FROM THIS GREAT FAMILY.
  • 00:54:11.010 --> 00:54:12.130
  • I DON'T HAVE A GREAT FAMILY.
  • 00:54:12.150 --> 00:54:13.250
  • I DIDN'T HAVE A GREAT HOME LIFE.
  • 00:54:13.270 --> 00:54:15.070
  • I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WITH THIS.
  • 00:54:15.090 --> 00:54:16.240
  • YOU KNOW, WE HAD THOSE THOUGHTS, TOO.
  • 00:54:16.260 --> 00:54:18.290
  • GOD, WHY WOULD YOU HEAL OUR MARRIAGE?
  • 00:54:19.010 --> 00:54:20.230
  • WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE POSTER KIDS FOR THE
  • 00:54:20.250 --> 00:54:22.030
  • PERFECT MARRIAGE.
  • 00:54:22.050 --> 00:54:23.200
  • LOOK WHAT WE DID TO OURSELVES.
  • 00:54:23.220 --> 00:54:25.030
  • WE'RE SO EMBARRASSED.
  • 00:54:25.050 --> 00:54:26.170
  • GOD, WHY WOULD YOU CHANGE US?
  • 00:54:26.190 --> 00:54:27.270
  • WELL, PASTOR JOEL PREACHED A MESSAGE A
  • 00:54:27.290 --> 00:54:31.050
  • COUPLE YEARS BACK THAT HAS ALWAYS STUCK WITH ME,
  • 00:54:31.070 --> 00:54:33.100
  • AND I JUST WANT TO READ THAT TO YOU BECAUSE IT
  • 00:54:33.120 --> 00:54:35.050
  • WAS SO POWERFUL.
  • 00:54:35.070 --> 00:54:37.030
  • HE SAID, "IN THE BIBLE, JACOB WAS A CHEATER,
  • 00:54:37.050 --> 00:54:40.110
  • DAVID HAD AN AFFAIR, PAUL WAS A MURDERER, NOAH GOT
  • 00:54:40.130 --> 00:54:44.170
  • DRUNK, JONAH RAN FROM GOD, MIRIAM WAS A GOSSIP,
  • 00:54:44.190 --> 00:54:49.200
  • MARTHA WAS A WORRIER, THOMAS WAS A DOUBTER,
  • 00:54:49.220 --> 00:54:53.260
  • SARAH WAS IMPATIENT, GIDEON WAS INSECURE,
  • 00:54:53.280 --> 00:54:58.170
  • MOSES WAS A STUTTERER, ZACCHEUS WAS SHORT,
  • 00:54:58.190 --> 00:55:03.090
  • ABRAHAM WAS OLD, AND LAZARUS WAS DEAD.
  • 00:55:03.110 --> 00:55:07.180
  • SO WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?
  • 00:55:07.200 --> 00:55:09.140
  • WHY CAN'T GOD HEAL YOUR MARRIAGE?
  • 00:55:09.160 --> 00:55:11.190
  • WHY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH?
  • 00:55:11.210 --> 00:55:13.210
  • BECAUSE YOU ARE.
  • 00:55:13.230 --> 00:55:15.080
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:55:15.100 --> 00:55:17.080
  • GOD SO DESIRES FOR YOU TO HAVE A HEALTHY AND
  • 00:55:17.100 --> 00:55:19.130
  • SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE, AND HE CAN DO IT.
  • 00:55:19.150 --> 00:55:21.180
  • AND ALL YOU NEED IS THAT LITTLE BIT OF MUSTARD
  • 00:55:21.200 --> 00:55:24.070
  • SEED FAITH. THAT'S IT.
  • 00:55:24.090 --> 00:55:26.250
  • - YOU KNOW, WE DON'T ASSUME THAT ANYBODY'S
  • 00:55:26.270 --> 00:55:28.290
  • STRUGGLING IN THEIR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:55:29.010 --> 00:55:30.210
  • A LOT OF YOU ARE HERE, YOU PROBABLY HAVE A GREAT
  • 00:55:30.230 --> 00:55:32.190
  • MARRIAGE, AND YOU CAME TO THIS CONFERENCE JUST TO
  • 00:55:32.210 --> 00:55:34.170
  • GET A LITTLE TWEAK. YOU KNOW WHAT?
  • 00:55:34.190 --> 00:55:36.070
  • WE'VE ALSO MET A LOT OF PEOPLE DURING OUR
  • 00:55:36.090 --> 00:55:38.160
  • SERVICES HERE AT LAKEWOOD THAT ARE STRUGGLING,
  • 00:55:38.180 --> 00:55:41.010
  • THAT ARE HAVING SOME CHALLENGES.
  • 00:55:41.030 --> 00:55:42.190
  • IT'S ACTUALLY THE NUMBER ONE PRAYER REQUEST,
  • 00:55:42.210 --> 00:55:44.080
  • FOR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:55:44.100 --> 00:55:45.290
  • IT'S THE NUMBER ONE PRAYER REQUEST EVERY WEEK
  • 00:55:46.010 --> 00:55:47.210
  • HERE AT THE CHURCH, SO WE KNOW THAT OUR
  • 00:55:47.230 --> 00:55:49.060
  • STORY ISN'T UNIQUE.
  • 00:55:49.080 --> 00:55:50.260
  • OUR STORY IS VERY COMMON, AND WE JUST WANT TO PRAY
  • 00:55:50.280 --> 00:55:53.180
  • OVER YOU, IF YOU'D LET US.
  • 00:55:53.200 --> 00:55:55.110
  • WE WANT TO DECLARE HOPE OVER EVERY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:55:55.130 --> 00:55:58.060
  • WE WANT TO DECLARE STRENGTH OVER EVERY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:55:58.080 --> 00:56:00.210
  • FATHER, WE JUST THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING TIME
  • 00:56:00.230 --> 00:56:03.110
  • THAT WE'VE HAD TOGETHER, AND WE JUST DECLARE EVERY
  • 00:56:03.130 --> 00:56:05.190
  • PERSON IN THIS ROOM, EVERY PERSON THAT'S
  • 00:56:05.210 --> 00:56:08.050
  • WATCHING, FATHER, WE JUST SPEAK LIFE AND STRENGTH
  • 00:56:08.070 --> 00:56:11.130
  • AND HEALTH OVER EVERY MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:11.150 --> 00:56:14.110
  • GOD, I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD TEACH US ALL TO
  • 00:56:14.130 --> 00:56:17.200
  • SPEAK LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS OVER EACH OTHER, TO
  • 00:56:17.220 --> 00:56:20.110
  • DECLARE LIFE OVER OUR MARRIAGE.
  • 00:56:20.130 --> 00:56:22.240
  • GOD, I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD REMOVE PRIDE
  • 00:56:22.260 --> 00:56:25.040
  • FROM OUR HEARTS.
  • 00:56:25.060 --> 00:56:26.200
  • GOD, JUST TAKE US DOWN TO EPHESIANS 5 WHERE YOU
  • 00:56:26.220 --> 00:56:29.120
  • SAY, "SUBMIT ONE TO ANOTHER AS TO CHRIST."
  • 00:56:29.140 --> 00:56:32.010
  • GOD, WE REALIZE THAT WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM.
  • 00:56:32.030 --> 00:56:34.230
  • WE ARE NOT ON OPPOSING TEAMS.
  • 00:56:34.250 --> 00:56:36.150
  • GOD, I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD HELP US UNDERSTAND
  • 00:56:36.170 --> 00:56:38.090
  • THE POWER THAT'S IN VULNERABILITY AND JUST
  • 00:56:38.110 --> 00:56:40.060
  • LAYING OUR LIFE OUT BEFORE YOU AND LAYING OUR
  • 00:56:40.080 --> 00:56:42.020
  • LIFE DOWN FOR EACH OTHER.
  • 00:56:42.040 --> 00:56:44.030
  • GOD, THIS MARRIAGE, THIS FAMILY, IT'S SO
  • 00:56:44.050 --> 00:56:46.110
  • MUCH BIGGER THAN WHAT WE THINK.
  • 00:56:46.130 --> 00:56:49.070
  • SO FATHER, WE JUST DECLARE A BLESSING OVER
  • 00:56:49.090 --> 00:56:51.090
  • EVERY SINGLE MARRIAGE THAT'S REPRESENTED AND
  • 00:56:51.110 --> 00:56:53.100
  • FUTURE MARRIAGES THAT ARE REPRESENTED IN THIS ROOM.
  • 00:56:53.120 --> 00:56:56.220
  • AND WE GIVE YOU THE PRAISE FOR IT.
  • 00:56:56.240 --> 00:56:59.110
  • IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. GOD BLESS YOU GUYS.
  • 00:56:59.130 --> 00:57:01.080
  • [APPLAUSE]
  • 00:57:01.100 --> 00:57:07.190
  • [MUSIC]
  • 00:57:07.210 --> 00:57:19.110