Praise | February 9, 2021 | TBN

Praise | February 9, 2021

Watch Praise | February 9, 2021
February 9, 2021
55:24

Does your romantic flame need rekindling? Life's changes and challenges demand intentional relationship building to keep the spark alive! Join Laurie Crouch; CeCe Winans; Jamie Ivey; Hosanna Wong; and Dr. Leslie Parrott for a powerful conversation on how to build a marriage that lasts a lifetime.

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Praise | February 9, 2021

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  • - Marriage isworth fighting for.
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  • And if we keep Christat the center of it,
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  • the commitment tolove that we make
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  • on our wedding day can holdstrong through all seasons.
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  • Come on, let's talk about it.
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  • (lively jazz music)
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  • - [Announcer] Tonight on Praise,
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  • from across the nation,Laurie Crouch, Cece Winans,
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  • Jamie Ivey, Dr. LeslieParrott, and Hosanna Wong.
  • 00:00:23.713 --> 00:00:27.851
  • (lively jazz music)
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  • "Praise" starts now, andwe're always better together.
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  • - I don't know about yougirls, but I know, for me,
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  • learning how to love
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  • the way I thought lovewas totally different
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  • when I got married.
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  • You know, the idea of love, andI totally defer it (laughs).
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  • The scripture I wannago to is John 13:34.
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  • And it says, "A newcommandment I give to you,
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  • that you love one another
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  • just as I have loved you, youalso are to love one another."
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  • And I think that's thepart of the scripture
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  • just as I love you
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  • that I had to get intomy heart, into my spirit
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  • after I said I do (laughs)because I kinda went
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  • into this agreement
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  • with the kind of worldlydescription of love.
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  • I will love you,
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  • I will serve you aslong as you serve me.
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  • And you love me.
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  • You know, and the Holyspirit told me right away,
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  • "You are absolutely wrong.
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  • (women laughing)
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  • You are to love yourhusband as I love you."
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  • And that's a total switch.
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  • That's a total turn.
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  • And I think in marriages,we all have to understand
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  • and learn, relearnwhat love really is.
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  • I tell people all the time,and I've been married now
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  • for 36 years, praise the Lord-
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  • - Hallelujah.- But I tell them
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  • and they laugh.
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  • Laurie, you know, I tell themmarriage will either save you
  • 00:02:01.778 --> 00:02:05.248
  • or make you backslide.
  • 00:02:05.248 --> 00:02:07.150
  • (women laughing)
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  • - Or kill you.
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  • (women laughing)
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  • - Because you really understand
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  • that it has to belove is not selfish.
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  • It's totally selfless.
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  • It's the total oppositeof what the world,
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  • what our culture,what our flesh says.
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  • So I'm gonna open thisup to you, ladies.
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  • And what about you?
  • 00:02:28.905 --> 00:02:30.073
  • Did you have to relearnwhat love was all
  • 00:02:30.073 --> 00:02:32.408
  • about when you said, "Ido," when you got married?
  • 00:02:32.408 --> 00:02:36.279
  • - The funny thingwas, Les and I dated
  • 00:02:36.279 --> 00:02:38.047
  • for seven yearsbefore we got married.
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  • So we thought we were pros
  • 00:02:40.483 --> 00:02:41.851
  • at this thing andhad it worked out.
  • 00:02:41.851 --> 00:02:44.254
  • Then we crossed thethreshold to married life.
  • 00:02:44.254 --> 00:02:47.624
  • And I'll just givethis away quickly
  • 00:02:47.624 --> 00:02:49.726
  • by saying years later,
  • 00:02:49.726 --> 00:02:51.861
  • we wrote a book calledsaving your marriage
  • 00:02:51.861 --> 00:02:53.763
  • before it starts.
  • 00:02:53.763 --> 00:02:54.764
  • And the first sentence
  • 00:02:54.764 --> 00:02:56.266
  • of that book is we neverhad pre-marriage counseling,
  • 00:02:56.266 --> 00:02:59.202
  • but we spent the first yearof our marriage in therapy.
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  • And that is absolutegospel truth.
  • 00:03:02.105 --> 00:03:04.741
  • (women laughing)
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  • You know, it was amazing to ask
  • 00:03:06.643 --> 00:03:09.112
  • one of the things that happened
  • 00:03:09.112 --> 00:03:10.380
  • in marriage is thatwe didn't know that.
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  • You know, we justloved each other
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  • when we were dating.
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  • When we got married,
  • 00:03:14.984 --> 00:03:16.185
  • we suddenly had someunconscious expectations
  • 00:03:16.185 --> 00:03:18.821
  • about what a loving husbandand a loving wife was like,
  • 00:03:18.821 --> 00:03:22.358
  • and we didn't always live up
  • 00:03:22.358 --> 00:03:23.593
  • to each other'sscripts, you know?
  • 00:03:23.593 --> 00:03:26.162
  • And it was kind of ashock to discover that.
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  • Someone you thoughtyou knew so well,
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  • and yet they weren'tmaking you feel loved,
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  • and the way you werehardwired to love.
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  • I mean, for me, one ofthe things was just,
  • 00:03:37.140 --> 00:03:39.442
  • I wasn't a great navigator,
  • 00:03:39.442 --> 00:03:41.044
  • and I didn't thinkthat mattered.
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  • My dad did the maps
  • 00:03:42.278 --> 00:03:43.579
  • in my life growing up,but Les was disappointed
  • 00:03:43.579 --> 00:03:46.616
  • every time we climbed in a car
  • 00:03:46.616 --> 00:03:49.152
  • and I didn't do the maps.
  • 00:03:49.152 --> 00:03:50.520
  • And every little kidlistening to us under 55 goes,
  • 00:03:50.520 --> 00:03:54.424
  • "What, does that matter?
  • 00:03:54.424 --> 00:03:55.591
  • You just put it in your phone."
  • 00:03:55.591 --> 00:03:57.327
  • But we used to live
  • 00:03:57.327 --> 00:03:58.594
  • in the wild, and itwas crazy out there-
  • 00:03:58.594 --> 00:04:00.730
  • - Oh, my goodness.- And maps mattered (laughs).
  • 00:04:00.730 --> 00:04:03.166
  • - And, you know, that'sone of the best ways
  • 00:04:03.166 --> 00:04:05.802
  • to find out if youreally love your partner,
  • 00:04:05.802 --> 00:04:07.603
  • to get lost in the car.
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  • We all know about menand directions andus wanna get there.
  • 00:04:09.238 --> 00:04:14.377
  • So that's huge if you guysmade it through that (laughs).
  • 00:04:15.511 --> 00:04:18.047
  • - Oh, man.
  • 00:04:18.047 --> 00:04:18.981
  • - what about anybody else?
  • 00:04:18.981 --> 00:04:20.216
  • Anybody else think that, Jamie,
  • 00:04:20.216 --> 00:04:21.918
  • did you understandhow to express love
  • 00:04:21.918 --> 00:04:24.187
  • before you got marriedor when you got married?
  • 00:04:24.187 --> 00:04:25.655
  • - Yeah, I mean, it's so crazy.
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  • My husband and I will bemarried 20 years this summer.
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  • And I look back
  • 00:04:30.526 --> 00:04:32.095
  • to our first probably like10 years of marriage, guys.
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  • And this was my deal,
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  • I don't know if anyonecan relate to this.
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  • I wanted to be like thebest wife there ever was.
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  • And so, I had thisimaginary trophy
  • 00:04:41.037 --> 00:04:43.106
  • that I was trying to winevery day, wife of the year.
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  • Now, looking back, for me,
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  • I wanted to play thisgame to be the best wife
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  • because I had a really bigfear of Aaron leaving me.
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  • I was always afraid thathe was gonna leave me.
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  • It's weird, and I don't know
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  • if a lot of peoplestruggled this or not,
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  • but that was just always there.
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  • So for me, I wasgoing to love Aaron
  • 00:04:59.722 --> 00:05:01.858
  • however I needed to do it sothat he would never leave me.
  • 00:05:01.858 --> 00:05:05.962
  • And about 10 yearsinto our marriage,
  • 00:05:05.962 --> 00:05:07.697
  • the Holy Spirit was like,"You love Him just for that.
  • 00:05:07.697 --> 00:05:11.768
  • What about thefact that God says
  • 00:05:11.768 --> 00:05:14.270
  • we love other peoplebecause I loved you first?"
  • 00:05:14.270 --> 00:05:18.174
  • And I had this switchin my life, and listen,
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  • I still wanna be a goodwife, all the things,
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  • but I want to be a good wife now
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  • because God loves me so much
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  • I should in turn lovemy husband so much.
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  • And so, I kind of had the switch
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  • and the whole imaginarycontest of wife of the year,
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  • it doesn't exist.
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  • There's no ceremony every year.
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  • I was playing thisreally sick game
  • 00:05:36.793 --> 00:05:38.361
  • on myself every single day.
  • 00:05:38.361 --> 00:05:40.630
  • But, Cece, like you were saying,
  • 00:05:40.630 --> 00:05:42.231
  • I kind of had to learnwhat does love look like
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  • in a marriage andjust to give it away,
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  • I think it looks
  • 00:05:47.270 --> 00:05:48.738
  • about what Jesus talksabout loving all the time.
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  • It's just now you haveto do it day after day
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  • after day with the same person,making the same mistakes.
  • 00:05:52.775 --> 00:05:56.679
  • But I had to kind of redefinewhat it meant to love
  • 00:05:56.679 --> 00:05:59.816
  • and why I neededto love my husband.
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  • - And I think that is so huge,
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  • and I'm sure Dr. Leslie, youcan just jump in anytime,
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  • since you're the expert on this.
  • 00:06:06.055 --> 00:06:07.857
  • (women laughing)
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  • - The expert in therapies.
  • 00:06:09.258 --> 00:06:10.626
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:06:10.626 --> 00:06:12.028
  • - But I love whatJamie just said
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  • because I thinkit's so important
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  • for us as wives andhusbands to understand
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  • that loving one anotherout of our own strength
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  • or just because we wannahave a good marriage,
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  • or like Jamie was saying,
  • 00:06:27.543 --> 00:06:29.345
  • so she would bethe best wife ever,
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  • it's not the right reasonand the right purpose.
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  • So can you speak on thator somebody, you know,
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  • 'cause I thinkthat's really huge
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  • and we can help somebodytoday to understand-
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  • - Yeah, that's huge.
  • 00:06:43.826 --> 00:06:44.660
  • - Yeah, yeah.
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  • - You really hitthe nail on the head
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  • because we all havethis deep longing
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  • for belonging and security.
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  • Like you said, you didnot want him to leave you.
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  • Some of us, you know,our parents are divorced.
  • 00:06:55.037 --> 00:06:57.940
  • And so, we have a deepanxiety, you know,
  • 00:06:57.940 --> 00:07:00.276
  • what might happen for me?
  • 00:07:00.276 --> 00:07:01.911
  • But everyone, no matterwhat your story is,
  • 00:07:01.911 --> 00:07:04.447
  • even from the bestfamily of origin ever,
  • 00:07:04.447 --> 00:07:07.717
  • we have a deep compulsion
  • 00:07:07.717 --> 00:07:09.886
  • for completion and we look toour spouse to make us whole.
  • 00:07:09.886 --> 00:07:13.756
  • And you're right in sayingonly Jesus can do that.
  • 00:07:13.756 --> 00:07:16.959
  • And then when we turnour heart that direction,
  • 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:20.096
  • it frees us up to have
  • 00:07:20.096 --> 00:07:21.497
  • a more authentic,playful, genuine love,
  • 00:07:21.497 --> 00:07:24.800
  • and that's whatblesses our spouse,
  • 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:27.370
  • because it's notcoming from our need.
  • 00:07:27.370 --> 00:07:29.205
  • It's coming as aself-giving gift
  • 00:07:29.205 --> 00:07:32.074
  • and it's coming freelyand without lots ofstrings attached.
  • 00:07:32.074 --> 00:07:36.612
  • - [Cece] Wow.
  • 00:07:36.612 --> 00:07:38.080
  • - You know, the scripturethat you started out with CeCe
  • 00:07:38.080 --> 00:07:41.083
  • is the one where Jesusis telling His disciples
  • 00:07:41.984 --> 00:07:45.321
  • about how to love.
  • 00:07:45.321 --> 00:07:47.223
  • And He says, I'mgonna take, basically,
  • 00:07:47.223 --> 00:07:49.926
  • this is Laurie lingo,but I'm gonna take
  • 00:07:49.926 --> 00:07:51.961
  • all the other commandments away
  • 00:07:51.961 --> 00:07:53.496
  • and just give you one, andthat's to love each other
  • 00:07:53.496 --> 00:07:56.032
  • like I love you.
  • 00:07:56.032 --> 00:07:57.466
  • Well then, the next dayHe laid His life down
  • 00:07:57.466 --> 00:08:01.571
  • for not only the people thatloved Him, but for His enemies.
  • 00:08:01.571 --> 00:08:05.942
  • And I just thinkthat's so profound.
  • 00:08:05.942 --> 00:08:07.610
  • And if we can get one person,I used to always say this,
  • 00:08:07.610 --> 00:08:12.248
  • God gives you one person toreally serve well in your life.
  • 00:08:12.248 --> 00:08:17.587
  • And I know there's amultitude of others,
  • 00:08:18.454 --> 00:08:20.456
  • but there is one that reallyis the whole center, I believe,
  • 00:08:20.456 --> 00:08:26.195
  • of what God wantsto do through us,
  • 00:08:26.996 --> 00:08:31.033
  • is He gives you your spouse.
  • 00:08:31.033 --> 00:08:33.035
  • Now, not everybody has to havea spouse, and good for you.
  • 00:08:33.035 --> 00:08:36.105
  • I think, as Paul says,that's even better
  • 00:08:36.105 --> 00:08:38.941
  • if you don't have to makeanybody really happy.
  • 00:08:38.941 --> 00:08:41.210
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:08:41.210 --> 00:08:42.778
  • That happy.
  • 00:08:42.778 --> 00:08:44.246
  • - Well, I can speak to that.
  • 00:08:44.246 --> 00:08:45.114
  • - But isn't that-
  • 00:08:45.114 --> 00:08:46.015
  • - I can speak to that.
  • 00:08:46.015 --> 00:08:47.149
  • - Right, okay, please.- I think, for
  • 00:08:47.149 --> 00:08:47.950
  • the single people.
  • 00:08:47.950 --> 00:08:49.151
  • Yeah, so I've beenmarried for six years.
  • 00:08:49.151 --> 00:08:51.187
  • So I've been marriedfor six years,
  • 00:08:51.187 --> 00:08:52.688
  • I've been married theleast amount of time
  • 00:08:52.688 --> 00:08:54.657
  • from everyone on here.
  • 00:08:54.657 --> 00:08:56.192
  • So, because of that,
  • 00:08:56.192 --> 00:08:57.660
  • I have more recently datedthan anybody on here.
  • 00:08:57.660 --> 00:09:00.396
  • So I think I'll speak to
  • 00:09:00.396 --> 00:09:01.964
  • the single people or peoplewho are not married yet.
  • 00:09:01.964 --> 00:09:06.168
  • But I think when I was dating,
  • 00:09:06.168 --> 00:09:07.837
  • a mistake that I madeis how I defined love
  • 00:09:07.837 --> 00:09:10.873
  • when I was dating.
  • 00:09:10.873 --> 00:09:12.308
  • I was dating boys based on
  • 00:09:12.308 --> 00:09:14.644
  • who I felt the strongestfeelings for at the time.
  • 00:09:14.644 --> 00:09:17.880
  • And so, when myfeelings changed, therelationship changed.
  • 00:09:17.880 --> 00:09:20.282
  • When my feelings changed,my choices changed.
  • 00:09:20.282 --> 00:09:22.485
  • When my feelings changed,
  • 00:09:22.485 --> 00:09:24.086
  • and they may or may not havebeen changing all the time,
  • 00:09:24.086 --> 00:09:27.456
  • then it just changedhow I treated people
  • 00:09:27.456 --> 00:09:29.425
  • or changed how I was treatingthe boy I was dating.
  • 00:09:29.425 --> 00:09:33.129
  • So I would say a bigdifference for me
  • 00:09:33.129 --> 00:09:35.297
  • in what I thought lovewas when I was dating,
  • 00:09:35.297 --> 00:09:37.800
  • which I can remembervery clearly.
  • 00:09:37.800 --> 00:09:40.703
  • And how I see love nowmore recently married
  • 00:09:40.703 --> 00:09:44.874
  • is that I had tolearn to make choices,
  • 00:09:44.874 --> 00:09:48.110
  • to choose someone,to fight for someone,
  • 00:09:48.110 --> 00:09:50.012
  • even when I wasn'tfeeling like it,
  • 00:09:50.012 --> 00:09:52.248
  • to forgive someone andstand beside someone,
  • 00:09:53.182 --> 00:09:56.786
  • even when my feelingsdidn't line up with that.
  • 00:09:56.786 --> 00:10:00.523
  • And so, I think it'ssomething that's stronger.
  • 00:10:00.523 --> 00:10:04.093
  • It's more secure.
  • 00:10:04.093 --> 00:10:05.695
  • It's more stable because it'srelying on something stronger
  • 00:10:05.695 --> 00:10:08.197
  • than my feelings.
  • 00:10:08.197 --> 00:10:09.665
  • Praise the Lord.
  • 00:10:09.665 --> 00:10:10.499
  • - Praise the Lord.
  • 00:10:10.499 --> 00:10:11.367
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:10:11.367 --> 00:10:13.069
  • - That's something that Ilearned differently from dating
  • 00:10:13.069 --> 00:10:16.105
  • and just picking, youknow, who I wanted to date
  • 00:10:16.105 --> 00:10:18.874
  • based on how I was feeling
  • 00:10:18.874 --> 00:10:20.443
  • or how I was treating peoplebased on how I was feeling,
  • 00:10:20.443 --> 00:10:21.977
  • but then having ahusband realizing
  • 00:10:21.977 --> 00:10:23.646
  • we're gonna choose each other
  • 00:10:23.646 --> 00:10:24.914
  • even when I'm notmaking you feel
  • 00:10:24.914 --> 00:10:26.782
  • like you wannalove me right now,
  • 00:10:26.782 --> 00:10:29.118
  • this choice thatwe're making actively
  • 00:10:29.118 --> 00:10:31.153
  • that goes beyond our feelings.
  • 00:10:31.153 --> 00:10:32.922
  • I think that's what marriagehas kind of changed my mind.
  • 00:10:32.922 --> 00:10:35.658
  • And I wish I would've knownthat when I was dating.
  • 00:10:35.658 --> 00:10:37.560
  • - [Cece] Yeah, that's good.
  • 00:10:37.560 --> 00:10:38.861
  • - That's such a daily thing too.
  • 00:10:38.861 --> 00:10:41.097
  • I remember my mom tellingme one day she looked at me
  • 00:10:41.097 --> 00:10:44.200
  • and she said, "Baby," she says,
  • 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:45.401
  • "You know that this feeling
  • 00:10:45.401 --> 00:10:47.169
  • that you have rightnow for Matt, she said,
  • 00:10:47.169 --> 00:10:49.805
  • you won't feel that everyday of your marriage."
  • 00:10:49.805 --> 00:10:52.541
  • And I just thought,"Are you and dad
  • 00:10:53.342 --> 00:10:54.410
  • in trouble or something?"
  • 00:10:54.410 --> 00:10:55.644
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:10:55.644 --> 00:10:56.579
  • It was just like, when she said
  • 00:10:56.579 --> 00:10:58.013
  • that giddy feelingthat you have of love
  • 00:10:58.013 --> 00:11:00.916
  • is going to not go away,but it's gonna mature
  • 00:11:00.916 --> 00:11:05.221
  • and it's gonna not be
  • 00:11:05.221 --> 00:11:06.856
  • like what you'rethinking about today.
  • 00:11:06.856 --> 00:11:08.591
  • You're not alwaysgonna have that.
  • 00:11:08.591 --> 00:11:10.392
  • And even being married36 years this year,
  • 00:11:10.392 --> 00:11:13.796
  • it is a daily choice.
  • 00:11:13.796 --> 00:11:15.698
  • It is a daily surrendering.
  • 00:11:15.698 --> 00:11:18.701
  • And I think probablyone of the things
  • 00:11:18.701 --> 00:11:21.670
  • that I've learnedmost in marriage,
  • 00:11:21.670 --> 00:11:23.906
  • and Leslie, youcan speak to this,
  • 00:11:23.906 --> 00:11:25.741
  • is to learn how to lovesomeone and not necessarily,
  • 00:11:25.741 --> 00:11:31.881
  • I don't wanna say be loved,
  • 00:11:32.481 --> 00:11:34.350
  • but we have got to learnwhat makes our partners tick
  • 00:11:34.350 --> 00:11:39.021
  • instead of always needing
  • 00:11:39.021 --> 00:11:41.190
  • to show you how Ineed to be loved.
  • 00:11:41.190 --> 00:11:43.526
  • - Right.- Is that correct?
  • 00:11:43.526 --> 00:11:45.528
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:11:45.528 --> 00:11:46.462
  • That's so wise, Laurie.
  • 00:11:46.462 --> 00:11:48.197
  • I mean, in my marriage, Imarried this guy who'd grown up
  • 00:11:48.197 --> 00:11:51.233
  • in a household of brothers.
  • 00:11:51.233 --> 00:11:52.701
  • And basically, his lovelanguage is sarcasm,
  • 00:11:52.701 --> 00:11:56.572
  • because that's what they did.
  • 00:11:56.572 --> 00:11:57.940
  • They loved each that way.
  • 00:11:57.940 --> 00:11:59.375
  • And mine is wordsof affirmation.
  • 00:11:59.375 --> 00:12:02.645
  • So you can see the gap there.
  • 00:12:02.645 --> 00:12:04.079
  • You know, so (laughs)I had to learn-
  • 00:12:04.079 --> 00:12:07.249
  • - That's me and Matt.
  • 00:12:07.249 --> 00:12:08.350
  • - Get a tough skin and get
  • 00:12:08.350 --> 00:12:10.419
  • a little bit moreplayful and bold,
  • 00:12:10.419 --> 00:12:12.621
  • but I had to learn to love
  • 00:12:12.621 --> 00:12:14.423
  • even when I thought,just sweet talk to me.
  • 00:12:14.423 --> 00:12:18.194
  • And there wasn'tsweet talk coming.
  • 00:12:18.194 --> 00:12:19.895
  • It was all what the guys do.
  • 00:12:19.895 --> 00:12:22.865
  • You know, and that'swhat the deal is.
  • 00:12:22.865 --> 00:12:25.434
  • It's the choosing it even whenyou're not getting it back
  • 00:12:25.434 --> 00:12:30.706
  • your way in a waythat fills your cup.
  • 00:12:31.540 --> 00:12:33.309
  • And we couldn't do itwithout the Holy Spirit.
  • 00:12:33.309 --> 00:12:36.178
  • Could we?
  • 00:12:36.178 --> 00:12:37.613
  • We literally can't do it withoutthe Holy Spirit (laughs).
  • 00:12:37.613 --> 00:12:40.182
  • - I love what all you guysare saying, this is so good.
  • 00:12:40.182 --> 00:12:42.852
  • We can stay here.
  • 00:12:42.852 --> 00:12:45.254
  • But when you weretalking about loving,
  • 00:12:46.121 --> 00:12:48.624
  • because how many of us give love
  • 00:12:48.624 --> 00:12:51.227
  • the way we wanna receive it?
  • 00:12:51.227 --> 00:12:53.629
  • Now we should all lovethe way God loves,
  • 00:12:54.496 --> 00:12:57.066
  • but Dr. Leslie,you said something
  • 00:12:57.066 --> 00:12:58.934
  • about your husbandgrowing up with brothers.
  • 00:12:58.934 --> 00:13:00.936
  • Well, I grew upwith seven brothers.
  • 00:13:00.936 --> 00:13:03.005
  • And all sarcastic,all of us, you know.
  • 00:13:03.005 --> 00:13:07.009
  • The whole Winans clan.
  • 00:13:07.009 --> 00:13:08.544
  • So coming into my marriage,
  • 00:13:08.544 --> 00:13:11.046
  • the first thing I had torealize was he is not a Winans.
  • 00:13:11.046 --> 00:13:14.683
  • He's a Love.
  • 00:13:14.683 --> 00:13:15.818
  • Actually, my last name is Love.
  • 00:13:15.818 --> 00:13:17.519
  • So I had to get thisthing right, you know?
  • 00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:19.922
  • And I had to realizethat the way I grew up
  • 00:13:20.823 --> 00:13:24.526
  • or how I expected, hisway was totally different.
  • 00:13:24.526 --> 00:13:28.931
  • You know, so that is somethingthat I think a lot of people,
  • 00:13:28.931 --> 00:13:32.668
  • it throws them a curve becausethis is the way I receive it,
  • 00:13:32.668 --> 00:13:36.171
  • this is the way I like it.
  • 00:13:36.171 --> 00:13:38.207
  • But your partner canbe totally different.
  • 00:13:38.207 --> 00:13:40.509
  • And so, that's whywe have to learn.
  • 00:13:40.509 --> 00:13:43.212
  • The Bible says oneof the scriptures
  • 00:13:43.212 --> 00:13:44.947
  • in the Bible tellsthe husband to dwell
  • 00:13:44.947 --> 00:13:47.149
  • with your wife accordingto knowledge, you know?
  • 00:13:47.149 --> 00:13:51.387
  • And so, a lot oftimes, and Laura,
  • 00:13:51.387 --> 00:13:53.722
  • you talked abouthaving that one person,
  • 00:13:53.722 --> 00:13:55.824
  • and God knew that you reallyhave to study a person
  • 00:13:55.824 --> 00:13:59.528
  • if you're gonna love them well.
  • 00:13:59.528 --> 00:14:01.864
  • And I don't know about y'all,
  • 00:14:01.864 --> 00:14:04.233
  • but I'm like Leslie, we didn'thave premarital counseling.
  • 00:14:04.233 --> 00:14:07.803
  • That's why to thisday, if the people
  • 00:14:07.803 --> 00:14:09.939
  • at our church say theydon't wanna go through it,
  • 00:14:09.939 --> 00:14:11.740
  • it's like, "Well, I'mnot marrying you,"
  • 00:14:11.740 --> 00:14:13.642
  • 'cause you know what,premarital counseling
  • 00:14:13.642 --> 00:14:15.544
  • it's really a great thing thatyou can make it without it,
  • 00:14:15.544 --> 00:14:20.849
  • but why when you can go in
  • 00:14:21.417 --> 00:14:23.052
  • with more wisdomand more knowledge,
  • 00:14:23.052 --> 00:14:25.354
  • so your marriage canstick and can stay.
  • 00:14:25.354 --> 00:14:28.390
  • But learning how to lovesomeone else, it's just,
  • 00:14:28.390 --> 00:14:33.128
  • I think a lot of peopledon't even realize
  • 00:14:33.128 --> 00:14:35.164
  • that when they say I do.
  • 00:14:35.164 --> 00:14:36.432
  • - That's right.- Yeah.
  • 00:14:36.432 --> 00:14:37.967
  • You know what I found CeCe,when you talk about learning
  • 00:14:37.967 --> 00:14:40.102
  • how your spouseneeds to be loved
  • 00:14:40.102 --> 00:14:42.004
  • is, you know, the longerwe've been married,
  • 00:14:42.004 --> 00:14:44.473
  • the easier it is for meto slack in that area.
  • 00:14:44.473 --> 00:14:48.210
  • We have four kids.
  • 00:14:48.210 --> 00:14:49.345
  • We each have jobs.
  • 00:14:49.345 --> 00:14:50.813
  • We work in ministry,all of the things.
  • 00:14:50.813 --> 00:14:53.482
  • And the first thing usuallyto go is for me to realize
  • 00:14:53.482 --> 00:14:57.453
  • how does Aaron need to be loved?
  • 00:14:57.453 --> 00:14:59.655
  • And you know what, heneeds words of affirmation.
  • 00:14:59.655 --> 00:15:01.457
  • And you know what, sometimesI don't have very much of
  • 00:15:01.457 --> 00:15:03.559
  • at the end of theday, some nice words.
  • 00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:05.227
  • I just need to getsome stuff done
  • 00:15:05.227 --> 00:15:06.829
  • and get the kids where theyneed to be and all the things.
  • 00:15:06.829 --> 00:15:09.365
  • And I have to remember thatthis is how he feels love.
  • 00:15:09.365 --> 00:15:13.602
  • And so, I think like eveninvesting in your marriage,
  • 00:15:13.602 --> 00:15:16.071
  • and like you said, likelearning your spouse
  • 00:15:16.071 --> 00:15:17.806
  • in that knowledge, itfeels like it takes work.
  • 00:15:17.806 --> 00:15:21.410
  • But I think it does take work.
  • 00:15:21.410 --> 00:15:22.878
  • I think marriage takeswork and love takes work.
  • 00:15:22.878 --> 00:15:25.180
  • And love is a choice.
  • 00:15:25.180 --> 00:15:26.248
  • Love is an action.
  • 00:15:26.248 --> 00:15:27.516
  • All of these thingswe have to remember.
  • 00:15:27.516 --> 00:15:28.751
  • And so, I love itwhen Aaron loves me
  • 00:15:28.751 --> 00:15:31.186
  • the way I like to be loved.
  • 00:15:31.186 --> 00:15:32.554
  • And so, it's a joy
  • 00:15:32.554 --> 00:15:34.790
  • for me to love him theway he wants to be loved.
  • 00:15:34.790 --> 00:15:37.760
  • - That's beautiful.- That is awesome.
  • 00:15:37.760 --> 00:15:39.461
  • - So there's a book calledthe "Love Languages"
  • 00:15:39.461 --> 00:15:41.764
  • by Dr. Gary Chapman.
  • 00:15:41.764 --> 00:15:43.832
  • And it's been aroundfor almost 30 years now.
  • 00:15:43.832 --> 00:15:47.736
  • And Matt and I just read it
  • 00:15:47.736 --> 00:15:49.605
  • in the last coupleof years (laughs).
  • 00:15:49.605 --> 00:15:51.807
  • - [Cece] You're ahead of us.
  • 00:15:51.807 --> 00:15:53.242
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:15:53.242 --> 00:15:56.745
  • - So this is why.- So he talks about
  • 00:15:56.745 --> 00:15:57.746
  • the love languages.
  • 00:15:57.746 --> 00:15:59.681
  • Yeah, yeah.
  • 00:15:59.681 --> 00:16:00.649
  • And there's five of them.
  • 00:16:00.649 --> 00:16:02.151
  • One is words of affirmation,quality time, physical touch,
  • 00:16:02.151 --> 00:16:06.755
  • acts of service,and receiving gifts.
  • 00:16:06.755 --> 00:16:09.358
  • So normally, hesaid for 10 years,
  • 00:16:09.358 --> 00:16:11.727
  • he had done marriage counseling,
  • 00:16:11.727 --> 00:16:13.328
  • and basically, all theproblems boiled down
  • 00:16:13.328 --> 00:16:17.132
  • to these questions.
  • 00:16:17.132 --> 00:16:18.200
  • You can love someone
  • 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:20.502
  • and give them gifts thinkingthat's their love language.
  • 00:16:20.502 --> 00:16:24.273
  • And that's okay.
  • 00:16:24.273 --> 00:16:25.707
  • Some people just want to agood, you know what, I'm sorry.
  • 00:16:25.707 --> 00:16:28.844
  • And I think you're a great wife.
  • 00:16:28.844 --> 00:16:31.747
  • So sometimes Ithink we're speaking
  • 00:16:31.747 --> 00:16:33.682
  • the wrong languageto each other.
  • 00:16:33.682 --> 00:16:35.517
  • Matt's is probably quality time.
  • 00:16:35.517 --> 00:16:37.853
  • I probably didn't knowthat, because we're together
  • 00:16:37.853 --> 00:16:40.923
  • so much of the time.
  • 00:16:40.923 --> 00:16:43.225
  • We're always together.
  • 00:16:43.725 --> 00:16:45.160
  • And so, I wouldn't think that.
  • 00:16:45.160 --> 00:16:48.130
  • I would probably almostsay that letting him go,
  • 00:16:48.130 --> 00:16:52.101
  • you know, hang out with the guys
  • 00:16:52.101 --> 00:16:53.669
  • for a while wouldbe good for him,
  • 00:16:53.669 --> 00:16:56.939
  • not thinking ofmyself, of course,
  • 00:16:56.939 --> 00:16:58.774
  • but of him to getaway for a minute,
  • 00:16:58.774 --> 00:17:01.410
  • but he wants to be together.
  • 00:17:01.410 --> 00:17:03.145
  • He likes that qualitytime together.
  • 00:17:03.145 --> 00:17:05.547
  • And I think if we just learnhow to talk their language
  • 00:17:05.547 --> 00:17:09.051
  • instead of talking tothem in our language.
  • 00:17:09.051 --> 00:17:11.854
  • And there's so many good books.
  • 00:17:11.854 --> 00:17:14.423
  • You know, Leslie, youguy's book on marriage,
  • 00:17:14.423 --> 00:17:17.526
  • "Saving Your MarriageBefore It Starts".
  • 00:17:17.526 --> 00:17:19.862
  • And I encourage anybodyto get that and read it.
  • 00:17:19.862 --> 00:17:23.932
  • Even after you're married,there's beautiful books
  • 00:17:23.932 --> 00:17:26.902
  • so much good content from somany good people on marriages.
  • 00:17:26.902 --> 00:17:30.606
  • - Well, I appreciatethat, Laurie.
  • 00:17:30.606 --> 00:17:33.242
  • The main thing isjust everything we do,
  • 00:17:33.242 --> 00:17:36.278
  • whether it's Gary Chapman'sbook, which we absolutely love,
  • 00:17:36.278 --> 00:17:39.548
  • he's an amazing guy,
  • 00:17:39.548 --> 00:17:41.583
  • whether it's "Saving YourMarriage Before It Starts",
  • 00:17:41.583 --> 00:17:44.586
  • there are so many good books,
  • 00:17:44.586 --> 00:17:46.588
  • but seek the knowledge,
  • 00:17:46.588 --> 00:17:48.090
  • and that discernment,and the insight.
  • 00:17:48.090 --> 00:17:50.425
  • And we do know that itmakes a huge difference
  • 00:17:50.425 --> 00:17:52.928
  • because you start to realize,
  • 00:17:52.928 --> 00:17:54.830
  • oh, this isn't ourpersonal problem.
  • 00:17:54.830 --> 00:17:57.299
  • This is a relationship dynamicthat everybody navigates,
  • 00:17:57.299 --> 00:18:02.037
  • and there's notsomething wrong with us.
  • 00:18:02.037 --> 00:18:04.306
  • We can grow.
  • 00:18:04.306 --> 00:18:05.274
  • So it just opens a window
  • 00:18:05.274 --> 00:18:06.775
  • of grace and it gives youfresh insight, fresh tools,
  • 00:18:06.775 --> 00:18:11.146
  • a better sense of humor,
  • 00:18:11.146 --> 00:18:12.514
  • and it does changemarriages to the word.
  • 00:18:12.514 --> 00:18:15.684
  • - Right, and I thinkthat's awesome, Dr. Leslie,
  • 00:18:15.684 --> 00:18:19.521
  • in encouraging couples toinvest in their marriage.
  • 00:18:19.521 --> 00:18:22.824
  • You know, we investin everything else
  • 00:18:22.824 --> 00:18:25.060
  • and we just thinkwe're gonna get
  • 00:18:25.060 --> 00:18:26.395
  • this thing right without help.
  • 00:18:26.395 --> 00:18:28.197
  • And it's not gonna happenlike that (laughs).
  • 00:18:28.197 --> 00:18:30.899
  • But get the books, goto the conferences,
  • 00:18:31.800 --> 00:18:34.236
  • have mentors in your life.
  • 00:18:34.236 --> 00:18:36.405
  • So I remember going to ourfirst marriage conference.
  • 00:18:37.472 --> 00:18:40.075
  • Alvin and I had beenmarried, I think,
  • 00:18:40.075 --> 00:18:41.376
  • for 11 years before we went
  • 00:18:41.376 --> 00:18:42.811
  • to our firstmarriage conference..
  • 00:18:42.811 --> 00:18:44.746
  • And going into the conference,
  • 00:18:44.746 --> 00:18:46.882
  • we thought we hada good marriage.
  • 00:18:46.882 --> 00:18:48.517
  • (Cece laughs)
  • 00:18:48.517 --> 00:18:50.986
  • But when we got there wewere like, "Oh, my God."
  • 00:18:50.986 --> 00:18:53.222
  • I said, "Did I say,'I do,' to that?"
  • 00:18:53.222 --> 00:18:56.191
  • I was like in shock.
  • 00:18:56.658 --> 00:18:58.727
  • They started talkingabout real love.
  • 00:18:58.727 --> 00:19:00.495
  • And I remember mypastor talking about,
  • 00:19:00.495 --> 00:19:03.799
  • and this, to thisday, I could cry,
  • 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:05.968
  • you know, from thisparticular statement.
  • 00:19:05.968 --> 00:19:08.637
  • He was saying that ifhis wife had left him,
  • 00:19:08.637 --> 00:19:13.275
  • God forbid, if shewas to ever leave him,
  • 00:19:13.275 --> 00:19:15.911
  • but he said, "If she left meand decided to sell her body",
  • 00:19:15.911 --> 00:19:20.782
  • he said, "I would goand spend all my money
  • 00:19:21.683 --> 00:19:25.520
  • buying up all her time."
  • 00:19:25.520 --> 00:19:27.456
  • Because her soul was moreimportant than his flesh.
  • 00:19:28.523 --> 00:19:32.294
  • Her soul was more important
  • 00:19:32.294 --> 00:19:35.030
  • than what he was going through.
  • 00:19:35.030 --> 00:19:40.002
  • I'll never forget that.
  • 00:19:40.002 --> 00:19:41.270
  • And he was weeping,and it was just like,
  • 00:19:41.270 --> 00:19:43.372
  • that's how you're supposedto love your mate.
  • 00:19:43.372 --> 00:19:45.274
  • And at that time I just said,
  • 00:19:45.274 --> 00:19:47.442
  • "Well, I am just not thinking.
  • 00:19:47.442 --> 00:19:50.612
  • Lord help me."
  • 00:19:50.979 --> 00:19:52.414
  • But I left out of there saying,
  • 00:19:52.414 --> 00:19:54.416
  • my husband and I saying,"Oh, we're so glad we went."
  • 00:19:54.416 --> 00:19:57.619
  • And we received thetools that we needed
  • 00:19:57.619 --> 00:20:00.322
  • to take our marriageto another level.
  • 00:20:00.322 --> 00:20:04.393
  • And it's justamazing when you say,
  • 00:20:04.393 --> 00:20:06.662
  • "You know what, it's okayto say, 'I don't know.
  • 00:20:06.662 --> 00:20:09.298
  • It's okay to say, Ineed to do better.
  • 00:20:09.298 --> 00:20:11.566
  • I don't have it.'"
  • 00:20:11.566 --> 00:20:12.834
  • 'Cause, again, whenwe're honest with God
  • 00:20:12.834 --> 00:20:14.903
  • and we're honest with our mates,
  • 00:20:14.903 --> 00:20:16.672
  • then that opens the door andthe opportunity to improve.
  • 00:20:16.672 --> 00:20:20.208
  • And so, you can havethe best marriage ever,
  • 00:20:20.208 --> 00:20:23.745
  • you know, have the marriagethat God has called us to have.
  • 00:20:23.745 --> 00:20:26.114
  • I think it's possiblefor everybody,
  • 00:20:26.114 --> 00:20:27.983
  • but you gotta be willingto invest in it, you know.
  • 00:20:27.983 --> 00:20:31.086
  • - I wanna circleback to something
  • 00:20:31.086 --> 00:20:32.587
  • that Jamie said somethingreally powerful earlier,
  • 00:20:32.587 --> 00:20:35.657
  • where she said, "I have cometo realize that it is my joy
  • 00:20:35.657 --> 00:20:40.562
  • to love my husband well,
  • 00:20:40.562 --> 00:20:42.097
  • and it is his joy tolove me well," right?
  • 00:20:42.097 --> 00:20:44.499
  • Is that what you said, Jamie?
  • 00:20:44.499 --> 00:20:45.600
  • - Mm-hmm.- You realize that-
  • 00:20:45.600 --> 00:20:47.135
  • - Something like that,that sounds great.
  • 00:20:47.135 --> 00:20:48.103
  • - He wants to love you well.
  • 00:20:48.103 --> 00:20:49.671
  • Does that sound good, yeah!
  • 00:20:49.671 --> 00:20:50.605
  • It was great, Jamie.
  • 00:20:50.605 --> 00:20:51.773
  • We're co-writing this together.
  • 00:20:51.773 --> 00:20:54.109
  • But you're saying like,"He wants to love me well,
  • 00:20:54.109 --> 00:20:56.378
  • and I want to love him well."
  • 00:20:56.378 --> 00:20:57.846
  • And that is so powerful to me,
  • 00:20:57.846 --> 00:21:00.082
  • because it shows us that atool for us in our marriages,
  • 00:21:00.082 --> 00:21:03.585
  • in our dating relationships orin any of our relationships,
  • 00:21:03.585 --> 00:21:06.488
  • in any of our friendshipsfor us to love well
  • 00:21:06.488 --> 00:21:09.591
  • and be loved well is to set
  • 00:21:09.591 --> 00:21:11.159
  • each other up for success.
  • 00:21:11.159 --> 00:21:13.228
  • To say, this is what make mefeel loved on this holiday,
  • 00:21:13.228 --> 00:21:17.265
  • not to make people gothrough a guessing game.
  • 00:21:17.265 --> 00:21:19.167
  • Like, this is what I wantfor my birthday, Husband.
  • 00:21:19.167 --> 00:21:21.970
  • This is what I would like forValentine's Day, Boyfriend.
  • 00:21:21.970 --> 00:21:25.107
  • Hey, friends, it's abig anniversary for me.
  • 00:21:25.107 --> 00:21:27.609
  • This is what Iwould like us to do.
  • 00:21:27.609 --> 00:21:29.077
  • For us to realize thatpeople want to love us well,
  • 00:21:29.077 --> 00:21:32.547
  • and we can set themup for success,
  • 00:21:32.547 --> 00:21:35.050
  • not make them havea guessing game
  • 00:21:35.050 --> 00:21:36.685
  • but realize it istheir joy to love us
  • 00:21:36.685 --> 00:21:39.287
  • and it is our joy to love them.
  • 00:21:39.287 --> 00:21:40.789
  • So where we can love them wellis set them up for success,
  • 00:21:40.789 --> 00:21:43.325
  • set them up, let them spike.
  • 00:21:43.325 --> 00:21:45.127
  • Hey, my love, don't forget,
  • 00:21:45.127 --> 00:21:46.762
  • this holiday is veryimportant to me.
  • 00:21:46.762 --> 00:21:48.663
  • I'm gonna set youup for success.
  • 00:21:48.663 --> 00:21:49.898
  • This is what I would like.
  • 00:21:49.898 --> 00:21:51.166
  • And let them love us.
  • 00:21:51.166 --> 00:21:53.168
  • Well, they want to, and wecan help each other out.
  • 00:21:53.168 --> 00:21:55.337
  • - Yeah.- Yeah, that's awesome.
  • 00:21:55.337 --> 00:21:56.705
  • That's awesome.
  • 00:21:56.705 --> 00:21:58.240
  • And I think it's so importantthat what you girls are saying
  • 00:21:58.240 --> 00:22:01.710
  • is that we'reintentional about it.
  • 00:22:01.710 --> 00:22:03.345
  • I think as women, we'vewatched too many movies,
  • 00:22:03.345 --> 00:22:06.248
  • too many soap operas, you know,
  • 00:22:06.248 --> 00:22:08.517
  • where we think the musicis gonna play (laughs)
  • 00:22:08.517 --> 00:22:11.620
  • or we just assume
  • 00:22:11.620 --> 00:22:14.089
  • that our husbands knowthis, and we assume this
  • 00:22:14.089 --> 00:22:17.159
  • and we assume that.
  • 00:22:17.159 --> 00:22:18.393
  • When Hosanna when you just said,
  • 00:22:18.393 --> 00:22:20.595
  • "I asked him," you know,
  • 00:22:20.595 --> 00:22:22.497
  • communication andtalking it through
  • 00:22:22.497 --> 00:22:25.467
  • is how you're gonna havemore romantic moments,
  • 00:22:25.467 --> 00:22:29.704
  • by actually planning andhaving those boundaries.
  • 00:22:29.704 --> 00:22:34.843
  • - Yeah, and you know something,
  • 00:22:35.477 --> 00:22:36.445
  • even Hosanna was talking about,
  • 00:22:36.445 --> 00:22:38.346
  • setting someone up to fail,
  • 00:22:38.346 --> 00:22:40.415
  • or you were sayingtell them what you want
  • 00:22:40.415 --> 00:22:43.485
  • so that they don't fail.
  • 00:22:43.485 --> 00:22:44.953
  • And I think a lot of times,I don't know about you,
  • 00:22:44.953 --> 00:22:47.856
  • but I know that, you know,selfishness is probably
  • 00:22:47.856 --> 00:22:51.760
  • the worst thing that cancome into your marriage.
  • 00:22:51.760 --> 00:22:54.162
  • If you are selfish, youhave a long row to hoe.
  • 00:22:54.162 --> 00:22:58.633
  • And I think a lot of us know
  • 00:22:58.633 --> 00:23:03.905
  • how to, I heard someone say,
  • 00:23:04.506 --> 00:23:05.807
  • "Well, I know how topush her buttons."
  • 00:23:05.807 --> 00:23:08.143
  • And I thought, and he'stalking about his wife,
  • 00:23:08.143 --> 00:23:10.145
  • and I thought, "Well,why in the world
  • 00:23:10.145 --> 00:23:11.379
  • would you wannapush her buttons?"
  • 00:23:11.379 --> 00:23:13.081
  • You should be the last one
  • 00:23:13.081 --> 00:23:15.083
  • that should bepushing her buttons.
  • 00:23:15.083 --> 00:23:17.152
  • You know, you shouldbe protecting thatand not doing that.
  • 00:23:17.152 --> 00:23:22.491
  • And I think a lot of peoplelet selfishness come in
  • 00:23:23.558 --> 00:23:28.763
  • and then they just kind ofset their spouse up to fail.
  • 00:23:29.865 --> 00:23:34.169
  • And I think that's soornery, that's so unfair.
  • 00:23:34.169 --> 00:23:39.574
  • And I think we should talkabout that a little more.
  • 00:23:40.642 --> 00:23:43.044
  • Leslie, I think the numberone 'cause for divorce,
  • 00:23:43.044 --> 00:23:47.382
  • I've heard, isunmet expectations,
  • 00:23:47.382 --> 00:23:50.485
  • that I married him
  • 00:23:50.485 --> 00:23:53.555
  • and I thought hewas gonna do this,
  • 00:23:53.555 --> 00:23:55.423
  • and I thought hewas gonna do that,
  • 00:23:55.423 --> 00:23:56.825
  • and I thought thiswas gonna happen.
  • 00:23:56.825 --> 00:23:58.560
  • And most of the time
  • 00:23:58.560 --> 00:23:59.861
  • those things don'thappen in a marriage.
  • 00:23:59.861 --> 00:24:02.531
  • And so, we just say,"Ah, forget it."
  • 00:24:02.531 --> 00:24:06.568
  • And all that angst about,they're not fulfilling me
  • 00:24:06.568 --> 00:24:11.973
  • like I thought itwas gonna happen.
  • 00:24:12.774 --> 00:24:14.376
  • - Right, they're notmeeting my needs.
  • 00:24:14.376 --> 00:24:16.411
  • And often, our expectationsare even unconscious.
  • 00:24:16.411 --> 00:24:20.682
  • So there's that point.
  • 00:24:20.682 --> 00:24:21.783
  • I mean, Hosanna was so good
  • 00:24:21.783 --> 00:24:23.051
  • about saying I didthis magic thing.
  • 00:24:23.051 --> 00:24:24.986
  • And I said, I justasked directly.
  • 00:24:24.986 --> 00:24:28.156
  • Les and I though,
  • 00:24:28.156 --> 00:24:29.891
  • sometimes you acknowledgethat, you know,
  • 00:24:29.891 --> 00:24:33.128
  • you don't always know
  • 00:24:33.628 --> 00:24:35.163
  • on a conscious level whatit is you're even feeling.
  • 00:24:35.163 --> 00:24:37.132
  • So we have a little trick,we'll sometimes say, you know,
  • 00:24:37.132 --> 00:24:40.135
  • I'd like to just kind ofread your mind right now
  • 00:24:40.135 --> 00:24:43.038
  • because we're alwaysperceiving things,
  • 00:24:43.038 --> 00:24:46.408
  • and sometimes we're right on
  • 00:24:46.408 --> 00:24:47.976
  • and other time thatwe're totally dead wrong.
  • 00:24:47.976 --> 00:24:50.745
  • And so, we'll just say it.
  • 00:24:50.745 --> 00:24:52.013
  • We'll just make it clear.
  • 00:24:52.013 --> 00:24:53.248
  • Okay, I wanna readyour mind right now.
  • 00:24:53.248 --> 00:24:54.749
  • You're really frustratedwith me because X, Y, and Z.
  • 00:24:54.749 --> 00:24:59.287
  • And then they go,"Okay, you nailed it."
  • 00:24:59.287 --> 00:25:01.256
  • Or they say, "I don't evenknow what you're talking about.
  • 00:25:01.256 --> 00:25:03.258
  • I'm totally distracted
  • 00:25:03.258 --> 00:25:04.693
  • 'cause I had a difficultconference call with my work."
  • 00:25:04.693 --> 00:25:08.229
  • And I'm like, "Oh, my goodness,
  • 00:25:08.229 --> 00:25:09.531
  • I thought that was me."
  • 00:25:09.531 --> 00:25:11.199
  • And he's like, "No, that'snothing to do with you."
  • 00:25:11.199 --> 00:25:15.570
  • And so, then you're like,"Oh, and it's magical,"
  • 00:25:15.570 --> 00:25:18.940
  • but it's only magical whenyou read each other's minds
  • 00:25:18.940 --> 00:25:21.810
  • after you've said, Iwanna read your mind
  • 00:25:21.810 --> 00:25:24.412
  • and you're nottrying to play a game
  • 00:25:24.412 --> 00:25:26.381
  • where you're guessingabout each other.
  • 00:25:26.381 --> 00:25:28.917
  • So, that can really help.
  • 00:25:28.917 --> 00:25:30.118
  • Sometimes it's thosedeep unmet expectations.
  • 00:25:30.118 --> 00:25:34.923
  • You're right.
  • 00:25:35.290 --> 00:25:36.691
  • We hold each other accountablefor meeting our needs
  • 00:25:36.691 --> 00:25:38.760
  • in a way that isn'teven humanly possible.
  • 00:25:38.760 --> 00:25:42.797
  • And it takes a kindof love that is...
  • 00:25:42.797 --> 00:25:45.767
  • You know, one ofmy favorite quotes
  • 00:25:45.767 --> 00:25:48.036
  • from a writer is that "earthis forgiveness school".
  • 00:25:48.036 --> 00:25:51.973
  • And I like to change it tomarriage is forgiveness school.
  • 00:25:51.973 --> 00:25:55.777
  • It's just about grace, grace,grace every single day.
  • 00:25:55.777 --> 00:26:01.049
  • - [Cece] Amen, amen.
  • 00:26:01.516 --> 00:26:02.517
  • - You know, it's funny,
  • 00:26:02.517 --> 00:26:03.718
  • that you're talkingabout the expectations,
  • 00:26:03.718 --> 00:26:05.153
  • and I think that issomething that is so true.
  • 00:26:05.153 --> 00:26:07.255
  • And I'll give you an examplethat just recently happened.
  • 00:26:07.255 --> 00:26:09.791
  • Whenever I would flyin from out of town,
  • 00:26:09.791 --> 00:26:12.394
  • I always wished thatAaron would say,
  • 00:26:12.394 --> 00:26:14.229
  • "Hey why don't we justmeet for a date night?"
  • 00:26:14.229 --> 00:26:16.665
  • And he never did.
  • 00:26:16.665 --> 00:26:17.599
  • I just always would come home.
  • 00:26:17.599 --> 00:26:19.100
  • And so, finally, I said,"Hey, I'm coming in town,
  • 00:26:19.100 --> 00:26:22.437
  • I land at 6:00.
  • 00:26:22.437 --> 00:26:23.705
  • You think we couldmeet for a date?"
  • 00:26:23.705 --> 00:26:25.173
  • And he goes, "Oh, my gosh,that sounds amazing."
  • 00:26:25.173 --> 00:26:26.775
  • And I thought to myself,
  • 00:26:26.775 --> 00:26:28.043
  • if I would've justsaid that, you know,
  • 00:26:28.043 --> 00:26:29.711
  • the last five times I flew in
  • 00:26:29.711 --> 00:26:31.479
  • and wished so badly thathe would just suggest
  • 00:26:31.479 --> 00:26:33.882
  • and take me out on a date-
  • 00:26:33.882 --> 00:26:35.050
  • - Just do it.
  • 00:26:35.050 --> 00:26:36.518
  • - Why didn't I just tell himthat's what I wanted him to do.
  • 00:26:36.518 --> 00:26:38.019
  • So finally, when Idid tell him, guys,
  • 00:26:38.019 --> 00:26:40.789
  • guess what, we'regoing on a date tonight
  • 00:26:40.789 --> 00:26:42.624
  • when I land back in town,and I'm so happy about it.
  • 00:26:42.624 --> 00:26:45.427
  • And all I neededto do was tell him
  • 00:26:45.427 --> 00:26:48.029
  • that that's what I wanted.
  • 00:26:48.029 --> 00:26:49.531
  • And I think so many times,we have these expectations,
  • 00:26:49.531 --> 00:26:52.133
  • and we think if they just knew,
  • 00:26:52.133 --> 00:26:53.668
  • if they loved me,
  • 00:26:53.668 --> 00:26:54.936
  • they would do whatI want them to do.
  • 00:26:54.936 --> 00:26:56.938
  • And actually, it should beturned like if they love me,
  • 00:26:56.938 --> 00:26:59.441
  • they're gonna hearwhat I wanna say.
  • 00:26:59.441 --> 00:27:00.875
  • And they're gonnasay, "Yes, of course,
  • 00:27:00.875 --> 00:27:02.343
  • I would wanna do that.
  • 00:27:02.343 --> 00:27:03.578
  • Of course, I wanna goon a date with you."
  • 00:27:03.578 --> 00:27:05.013
  • And so, I let himknow my expectations,
  • 00:27:05.013 --> 00:27:08.316
  • and we're gonna go on a date,and I'm so happy about it.
  • 00:27:08.316 --> 00:27:11.086
  • (Cece laughs)
  • 00:27:11.086 --> 00:27:11.920
  • - That is awesome.
  • 00:27:11.920 --> 00:27:12.754
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:27:12.754 --> 00:27:14.022
  • - Congratulations.
  • 00:27:14.022 --> 00:27:15.123
  • - That is awesome.
  • 00:27:15.123 --> 00:27:17.258
  • It is awesome.
  • 00:27:17.258 --> 00:27:19.294
  • I mean, there's somany books out there
  • 00:27:20.128 --> 00:27:23.398
  • that are there to explain
  • 00:27:23.398 --> 00:27:27.736
  • to us that first ofall, we're just wired up
  • 00:27:27.736 --> 00:27:30.238
  • totally differentthan our husbands,
  • 00:27:30.238 --> 00:27:32.307
  • and it's by God's design.
  • 00:27:32.874 --> 00:27:35.376
  • They're not designedto feel what we feel,
  • 00:27:36.277 --> 00:27:38.413
  • they're not designed.
  • 00:27:38.413 --> 00:27:39.881
  • And so, I think it's soimportant that we understand
  • 00:27:39.881 --> 00:27:43.218
  • that our marriage is, we'repart of God's Kingdom.
  • 00:27:43.218 --> 00:27:46.221
  • So we can't take ourcues from the world.
  • 00:27:46.221 --> 00:27:48.423
  • We can't take ourcues from our culture.
  • 00:27:48.423 --> 00:27:50.859
  • We have to go backto the word of God
  • 00:27:50.859 --> 00:27:53.261
  • so that we can build a marriage
  • 00:27:53.261 --> 00:27:54.996
  • that's gonna last, that'sgonna reflect His glory,
  • 00:27:54.996 --> 00:27:57.832
  • because the soonerthat we embrace,
  • 00:27:57.832 --> 00:28:01.169
  • actually embrace being humble,
  • 00:28:01.169 --> 00:28:04.339
  • actually embraceloving your mate
  • 00:28:04.339 --> 00:28:07.275
  • as Christ loves you,actually embrace, you know,
  • 00:28:07.275 --> 00:28:12.180
  • being willing to takedown, actually embrace it,
  • 00:28:12.180 --> 00:28:15.984
  • really, God's way of loving,
  • 00:28:16.584 --> 00:28:18.787
  • the sooner we're going to befulfilled in our marriages.
  • 00:28:18.787 --> 00:28:22.690
  • It takes humility to askfor what you want, you know?
  • 00:28:23.758 --> 00:28:28.930
  • And when you do that, you know,
  • 00:28:29.564 --> 00:28:31.499
  • the only person wholoses is the enemy.
  • 00:28:31.499 --> 00:28:34.068
  • You win.
  • 00:28:34.068 --> 00:28:35.003
  • Your husband, your kids win,
  • 00:28:35.003 --> 00:28:37.172
  • if we would just embracemarriage God's way.
  • 00:28:37.172 --> 00:28:40.875
  • - Yeah, I love whatyou're saying, Cece,
  • 00:28:40.875 --> 00:28:42.544
  • about embracing ourspouses in the role
  • 00:28:42.544 --> 00:28:46.514
  • that they were meant to play,but not putting expectations
  • 00:28:46.514 --> 00:28:49.851
  • on them that they were nevercreated to fulfill, right?
  • 00:28:49.851 --> 00:28:53.087
  • Because our spouse is notmeant to be our savior.
  • 00:28:53.087 --> 00:28:56.424
  • And that's important forus to know in marriage,
  • 00:28:56.424 --> 00:28:58.726
  • and it's importantfor us to know
  • 00:28:58.726 --> 00:29:00.195
  • while we're dating thatwe're not ultimately looking
  • 00:29:00.195 --> 00:29:03.364
  • for someone to fulfillour greatest needs,
  • 00:29:03.364 --> 00:29:07.035
  • to tell us who we are,what we're created to do,
  • 00:29:07.035 --> 00:29:09.137
  • to give us ouridentity, our security,
  • 00:29:09.137 --> 00:29:10.772
  • or our purpose, that canonly come from Jesus Christ.
  • 00:29:10.772 --> 00:29:14.242
  • And so, we are notlooking for a savior.
  • 00:29:14.242 --> 00:29:17.278
  • We're looking for a partner.
  • 00:29:17.278 --> 00:29:19.180
  • We're looking for a partnerwho serves the same savior.
  • 00:29:19.180 --> 00:29:22.317
  • And hopefully, at our best,
  • 00:29:22.317 --> 00:29:23.852
  • we help them be the bestversion of themselves
  • 00:29:23.852 --> 00:29:26.521
  • and help them accomplishwhat God's called them to do.
  • 00:29:26.521 --> 00:29:28.656
  • And hopefully, at theirbest, they're helping us be
  • 00:29:28.656 --> 00:29:31.025
  • the best version of ourselves
  • 00:29:31.025 --> 00:29:32.427
  • and helping us accomplishwhat we wanna do.
  • 00:29:32.427 --> 00:29:34.495
  • But ultimately, oncewe find them, you know,
  • 00:29:34.495 --> 00:29:36.764
  • we're never lookingfor a savior.
  • 00:29:36.764 --> 00:29:39.300
  • We already found a savior.
  • 00:29:39.300 --> 00:29:40.869
  • So all the weight of the worlds
  • 00:29:40.869 --> 00:29:42.503
  • and all the expectationsare not on this one person.
  • 00:29:42.503 --> 00:29:45.673
  • This spouse is not my savior.
  • 00:29:45.673 --> 00:29:47.675
  • This spouse is my partner.
  • 00:29:47.675 --> 00:29:49.477
  • My husband and I metabout nine years ago.
  • 00:29:49.477 --> 00:29:53.147
  • I was traveling, ministering,
  • 00:29:53.147 --> 00:29:55.783
  • performing spoken wordpoetry and preaching,
  • 00:29:55.783 --> 00:29:58.119
  • living out of hotel rooms
  • 00:29:58.119 --> 00:29:59.587
  • and guest rooms for aboutfour and a half years.
  • 00:29:59.587 --> 00:30:01.022
  • So, clearly, I was a hotcommodity who doesn't wanna be
  • 00:30:01.022 --> 00:30:05.059
  • with this barely washed poet,
  • 00:30:05.059 --> 00:30:07.862
  • but I was invited toperform at a church,
  • 00:30:07.862 --> 00:30:12.200
  • and there was a very goodlooking worship leader,
  • 00:30:12.200 --> 00:30:15.470
  • and I noticed.
  • 00:30:15.470 --> 00:30:18.006
  • I met him there at this event,
  • 00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:20.174
  • and I really respected him,how he led his volunteers,
  • 00:30:20.174 --> 00:30:24.646
  • how he treated otherJesus followers,
  • 00:30:24.646 --> 00:30:28.016
  • and how he treated his church.
  • 00:30:28.016 --> 00:30:29.117
  • I really respected him
  • 00:30:29.117 --> 00:30:30.652
  • like I had respected otherrelationships on the road.
  • 00:30:30.652 --> 00:30:33.254
  • And I guess I took note of it.
  • 00:30:33.254 --> 00:30:35.223
  • And about a year later, I wasministering at a nearby state
  • 00:30:35.223 --> 00:30:40.561
  • and he drove fivehours to come see me
  • 00:30:41.396 --> 00:30:43.498
  • and took me out todinner and said,
  • 00:30:43.498 --> 00:30:45.033
  • "You know, ever since youministered at our church,
  • 00:30:45.033 --> 00:30:47.001
  • I kind of haven't gotyou out of my head.
  • 00:30:47.001 --> 00:30:49.170
  • And I just want you to knowthat I'm attracted to you.
  • 00:30:49.170 --> 00:30:52.840
  • And I know youtravel all the time,
  • 00:30:52.840 --> 00:30:55.176
  • and what it wouldtake to be with you,
  • 00:30:55.176 --> 00:30:57.278
  • and what it would taketo partner with you.
  • 00:30:57.278 --> 00:30:59.480
  • And I just want you to knowI think I could be that man.
  • 00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:01.783
  • Could you be attracted to me?"
  • 00:31:01.783 --> 00:31:03.518
  • - Oh, wow.- Wow.
  • 00:31:03.518 --> 00:31:04.519
  • - Ooh, take me now.
  • 00:31:04.519 --> 00:31:07.922
  • - He came with it.- I love that.
  • 00:31:07.922 --> 00:31:08.856
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:31:08.856 --> 00:31:10.325
  • - He came with it.
  • 00:31:10.325 --> 00:31:11.159
  • - You had, man, hello.
  • 00:31:11.159 --> 00:31:13.695
  • (Hosanna laughs)
  • 00:31:13.695 --> 00:31:14.929
  • - He had, yeah,hello, absolutely.
  • 00:31:14.929 --> 00:31:15.997
  • He had me a I'm attracted to you
  • 00:31:15.997 --> 00:31:17.899
  • even though youhaven't showered.
  • 00:31:17.899 --> 00:31:19.233
  • No, I'm just kidding.
  • 00:31:19.233 --> 00:31:20.068
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:31:20.068 --> 00:31:21.936
  • I remember appreciating somuch that he was so direct.
  • 00:31:21.936 --> 00:31:25.773
  • I remember appreciating somuch that he was so clear,
  • 00:31:25.773 --> 00:31:28.242
  • 'cause I was a youngwoman in love with Jesus.
  • 00:31:28.242 --> 00:31:30.511
  • And I wasn't sure how manyof the young men in my life
  • 00:31:30.511 --> 00:31:33.481
  • or around me had a seriousrelationship with Jesus,
  • 00:31:33.481 --> 00:31:36.351
  • you know, who are seriousabout their faith.
  • 00:31:36.351 --> 00:31:38.553
  • So when he said that to me,
  • 00:31:38.553 --> 00:31:40.054
  • I appreciate how directhe was, how clear he was.
  • 00:31:40.054 --> 00:31:42.156
  • I was at a place
  • 00:31:42.156 --> 00:31:43.358
  • in my life where I knewwhat I wanted to do,
  • 00:31:43.358 --> 00:31:46.027
  • who I was, and whatI was called to do.
  • 00:31:46.027 --> 00:31:47.762
  • And I knew that becauseI had dated previously,
  • 00:31:47.762 --> 00:31:51.499
  • living for Jesus andnot living for Jesus,
  • 00:31:51.499 --> 00:31:54.102
  • looking for my identity
  • 00:31:54.102 --> 00:31:55.470
  • in other men, lookingto the boys I dated
  • 00:31:55.470 --> 00:31:58.706
  • to tell me who I'm called tobe and what I'm called to do.
  • 00:31:58.706 --> 00:32:01.509
  • And at this moment,I had now come
  • 00:32:01.509 --> 00:32:04.145
  • to a place where I knewwho I was created to be
  • 00:32:04.145 --> 00:32:06.014
  • but I was called to do.
  • 00:32:06.014 --> 00:32:07.482
  • So for this man to be so clear
  • 00:32:07.482 --> 00:32:09.283
  • with me about what he wanted,what he was looking for,
  • 00:32:09.283 --> 00:32:12.720
  • I didn't havefeelings for him yet,
  • 00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:15.289
  • I didn't know him that well yet,
  • 00:32:15.289 --> 00:32:16.991
  • but I had a respect for him.
  • 00:32:16.991 --> 00:32:18.426
  • I had worked with him.
  • 00:32:18.426 --> 00:32:19.660
  • I saw him lead and Ireally respected him.
  • 00:32:19.660 --> 00:32:21.529
  • And I just said, I mean,yes, I was attracted to him,
  • 00:32:21.529 --> 00:32:24.766
  • but it was the firstmoment where I was pursued
  • 00:32:24.766 --> 00:32:27.668
  • by a man that I didn'treally have feelings for yet.
  • 00:32:27.668 --> 00:32:29.904
  • And I just said, "You know, Ineed you to respect my time.
  • 00:32:29.904 --> 00:32:32.440
  • I need to think about this.
  • 00:32:32.440 --> 00:32:33.574
  • I need to process this.
  • 00:32:33.574 --> 00:32:34.809
  • I need to pray andfast about this.
  • 00:32:34.809 --> 00:32:36.344
  • I need you to respect my timebefore I give you an answer."
  • 00:32:36.344 --> 00:32:39.914
  • And I'll neverforget what he said.
  • 00:32:39.914 --> 00:32:40.815
  • He said, "Okay, great.
  • 00:32:40.815 --> 00:32:42.183
  • I would love torespect your time.
  • 00:32:42.183 --> 00:32:43.584
  • I need you to respect mine too.
  • 00:32:43.584 --> 00:32:45.586
  • And let me know as soonas you're able, you know,
  • 00:32:45.586 --> 00:32:47.855
  • 'cause I date very seriously.
  • 00:32:47.855 --> 00:32:49.357
  • I take this very seriously.
  • 00:32:49.357 --> 00:32:50.691
  • And let me know assoon as you're able."
  • 00:32:50.691 --> 00:32:53.061
  • And from that moment, you know,I just remember this feeling
  • 00:32:53.061 --> 00:32:56.330
  • of like, I wantedhim to respect me.
  • 00:32:56.330 --> 00:32:57.999
  • I wanted him to have hisbest foot forward for me.
  • 00:32:57.999 --> 00:33:01.202
  • And he absolutely did.
  • 00:33:01.202 --> 00:33:02.737
  • And he was asking me to takea step forward for him too,
  • 00:33:02.737 --> 00:33:04.972
  • like, I'm gonna respectyou and your time
  • 00:33:04.972 --> 00:33:06.174
  • and let you process,but respect me too that,
  • 00:33:06.174 --> 00:33:07.742
  • you know, I'm a man of Godlooking for a woman of God.
  • 00:33:07.742 --> 00:33:10.178
  • And let me know whenyou know if that's you.
  • 00:33:10.178 --> 00:33:12.413
  • And I just wanna encourageanyone that's watching right now
  • 00:33:12.413 --> 00:33:14.749
  • that's single, that'sdating, that it is possible
  • 00:33:14.749 --> 00:33:19.053
  • to know who you wanna be
  • 00:33:19.053 --> 00:33:20.388
  • before you know whoyou wanna be with that.
  • 00:33:20.388 --> 00:33:22.857
  • It is possible.
  • 00:33:22.857 --> 00:33:24.125
  • And even if you'rein a relationship
  • 00:33:24.125 --> 00:33:26.427
  • and you're not surewho you wanna be,
  • 00:33:26.427 --> 00:33:28.129
  • you can be with someonewho makes you become
  • 00:33:28.129 --> 00:33:30.098
  • the best version of yourself.
  • 00:33:30.098 --> 00:33:31.232
  • That that is possible.
  • 00:33:31.232 --> 00:33:32.600
  • And so, from thebeginning of our marriage,
  • 00:33:32.600 --> 00:33:34.569
  • it has always been a marriage
  • 00:33:34.569 --> 00:33:36.504
  • that was based first on respect.
  • 00:33:36.504 --> 00:33:38.639
  • And yes, the feelings came
  • 00:33:38.639 --> 00:33:41.008
  • in the name of Jesus.
  • 00:33:41.008 --> 00:33:42.310
  • They did not take that long.
  • 00:33:42.310 --> 00:33:43.911
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:33:43.911 --> 00:33:45.079
  • But that's somethingthat I'd like
  • 00:33:45.079 --> 00:33:46.247
  • to encourage youngpeople that are dating,
  • 00:33:46.247 --> 00:33:48.349
  • that are thinking, you know,who do I wanna be with?
  • 00:33:48.349 --> 00:33:49.951
  • Who do I wanna be with?
  • 00:33:49.951 --> 00:33:51.219
  • It is possible to knowwho you wanna be first
  • 00:33:51.219 --> 00:33:53.588
  • and to find a partner
  • 00:33:53.588 --> 00:33:54.856
  • who will help you bethe best version of you.
  • 00:33:54.856 --> 00:33:56.991
  • But it's a two-way street.
  • 00:33:56.991 --> 00:33:58.593
  • They respect you,you respect them.
  • 00:33:58.593 --> 00:34:00.895
  • And there's a littlebit of give and take.
  • 00:34:00.895 --> 00:34:02.697
  • So I wanna ask the whole group,
  • 00:34:02.697 --> 00:34:03.998
  • how did you meet your spouse?
  • 00:34:03.998 --> 00:34:06.100
  • And from that meeting,
  • 00:34:06.100 --> 00:34:09.270
  • what advice would youhave for somebody dating?
  • 00:34:10.271 --> 00:34:12.206
  • What's something you did right,
  • 00:34:12.206 --> 00:34:13.441
  • something you did wrongthat you wanna pass on
  • 00:34:13.441 --> 00:34:15.476
  • to those maybe rightnow who are dating.
  • 00:34:15.476 --> 00:34:17.845
  • - You know I thinkI always look back,
  • 00:34:17.845 --> 00:34:19.914
  • 'cause when I got married,I was extremely young.
  • 00:34:19.914 --> 00:34:23.217
  • Didn't have a cluewhat I was doing.
  • 00:34:23.217 --> 00:34:25.253
  • (Cece laughs)
  • 00:34:25.253 --> 00:34:27.388
  • But I fell in lovewith Mr. Love.
  • 00:34:27.388 --> 00:34:31.993
  • Met him at churchfor the first time.
  • 00:34:32.827 --> 00:34:35.096
  • And then the next time...
  • 00:34:35.096 --> 00:34:36.531
  • Or no, I take that back.
  • 00:34:36.531 --> 00:34:37.498
  • The first time I met him,
  • 00:34:37.498 --> 00:34:39.033
  • it was a youth outing, and Imet him at a bowling alley.
  • 00:34:39.033 --> 00:34:42.136
  • That's doesn't sound romanticat all, but he smiled.
  • 00:34:42.136 --> 00:34:46.841
  • He smiled and I was like,
  • 00:34:46.841 --> 00:34:48.075
  • "Oh, he's just soamazing," you know?
  • 00:34:48.075 --> 00:34:50.278
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:34:50.278 --> 00:34:51.479
  • - And he was verydirect when we talked.
  • 00:34:51.479 --> 00:34:53.581
  • But the one thingI know I did right,
  • 00:34:53.581 --> 00:34:56.050
  • and that was Isubmitted to my leaders.
  • 00:34:56.050 --> 00:34:58.686
  • And I can always goback to that moment.
  • 00:34:59.554 --> 00:35:02.190
  • Lord, I submitted to my parents,
  • 00:35:02.190 --> 00:35:03.758
  • I submitted to my pastor.
  • 00:35:03.758 --> 00:35:05.660
  • At one point, you know,our pastor was like,
  • 00:35:06.527 --> 00:35:08.796
  • "Okay, well, I wanty'all to separate.
  • 00:35:08.796 --> 00:35:10.731
  • And I want y'all to pray.
  • 00:35:10.731 --> 00:35:12.200
  • And I'm gonna pray, becauseit's so crucial who you marry."
  • 00:35:12.200 --> 00:35:16.070
  • He knew the call thatI had on my life.
  • 00:35:16.070 --> 00:35:18.573
  • And so, I submitted.
  • 00:35:18.573 --> 00:35:22.109
  • And as much as I was inlove, and as much as I knew
  • 00:35:22.109 --> 00:35:25.046
  • this was the one and I had all,I said, "God, you know what?
  • 00:35:25.046 --> 00:35:29.350
  • I can't see 10 years from now.
  • 00:35:29.350 --> 00:35:31.018
  • I can't see 20 years from now.
  • 00:35:31.018 --> 00:35:32.987
  • You've given me a man ofGod who has looked over me,
  • 00:35:32.987 --> 00:35:35.556
  • and I'm gonna submit.
  • 00:35:35.556 --> 00:35:36.624
  • If they say no, you know what?
  • 00:35:36.624 --> 00:35:39.060
  • I'm gonna leave.
  • 00:35:39.060 --> 00:35:40.494
  • I'm going to leave."
  • 00:35:40.494 --> 00:35:41.562
  • And I was cryingout to the Lord.
  • 00:35:41.562 --> 00:35:43.898
  • And I tell people all thetime, submit to your leaders,
  • 00:35:43.898 --> 00:35:47.568
  • submit to people thatGod has put in your life,
  • 00:35:47.568 --> 00:35:50.137
  • because they can see furtherthan what you can see.
  • 00:35:50.137 --> 00:35:53.040
  • I got married, I think Iwas about 19 years old.
  • 00:35:53.040 --> 00:35:55.543
  • I couldn't see.
  • 00:35:55.543 --> 00:35:56.777
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:35:56.777 --> 00:35:59.614
  • But yet I hadparents who love God
  • 00:35:59.614 --> 00:36:01.749
  • and parents who have beenmarried and stayed married.
  • 00:36:01.749 --> 00:36:04.752
  • I had a pastor, and eventhough he was strict
  • 00:36:04.752 --> 00:36:08.256
  • and it seemed unfair, Iwas willing to submit.
  • 00:36:08.256 --> 00:36:12.093
  • And so, there's been times
  • 00:36:12.093 --> 00:36:13.361
  • throughout my 36years where I said,
  • 00:36:13.361 --> 00:36:15.196
  • "Now, God, you know what,you're gonna have to fix this,
  • 00:36:15.196 --> 00:36:18.833
  • because I submitted, I didwhat you told me to do.
  • 00:36:18.833 --> 00:36:22.470
  • And so, you're gonnahave to come through."
  • 00:36:22.470 --> 00:36:24.405
  • And so, that's the onething I know I did right,
  • 00:36:24.405 --> 00:36:27.742
  • and I'm trying to share that
  • 00:36:27.742 --> 00:36:29.343
  • with as many people whoare dating as possible.
  • 00:36:29.343 --> 00:36:32.546
  • Submit to the leaders ofyour house, of the church.
  • 00:36:32.546 --> 00:36:36.717
  • - My husband, Aaron and I,I told you guys a couple
  • 00:36:36.717 --> 00:36:38.819
  • of days ago, we've been marriedalmost 20 years this year.
  • 00:36:38.819 --> 00:36:40.821
  • So it feels likea really big year.
  • 00:36:40.821 --> 00:36:42.423
  • But we met when wewere both in college,
  • 00:36:42.423 --> 00:36:44.692
  • and I had just startedfollowing Jesus, you guys,
  • 00:36:44.692 --> 00:36:47.695
  • I had been a hot mess forthe years leading up to this,
  • 00:36:47.695 --> 00:36:51.299
  • but now I was following Jesus.
  • 00:36:51.299 --> 00:36:53.234
  • I wanted him to be my Lord.
  • 00:36:53.234 --> 00:36:54.735
  • And I met Aaron at church,which is always, I was like,
  • 00:36:54.735 --> 00:36:58.239
  • what a great placeto meet a man, right?
  • 00:36:58.239 --> 00:37:00.541
  • So I met him at church, and wedated for a year and a half.
  • 00:37:00.541 --> 00:37:04.245
  • And I think one of best things
  • 00:37:04.245 --> 00:37:05.813
  • about our datingrelationship was
  • 00:37:05.813 --> 00:37:08.316
  • is we built it on friendship.
  • 00:37:08.316 --> 00:37:10.551
  • And I had everydating relationship
  • 00:37:10.551 --> 00:37:12.820
  • I'd ever hadpreviously before that
  • 00:37:12.820 --> 00:37:14.855
  • was basically builton sexual attraction
  • 00:37:14.855 --> 00:37:18.025
  • or physicalness inour relationship.
  • 00:37:18.025 --> 00:37:20.428
  • And now I was a new believer
  • 00:37:20.428 --> 00:37:22.263
  • and I had changedthat part of my life.
  • 00:37:22.263 --> 00:37:23.998
  • And I knew that I wantedto do what God wanted best
  • 00:37:23.998 --> 00:37:28.269
  • for Aaron and I in our marriage.
  • 00:37:28.269 --> 00:37:29.770
  • And for us to wait until wewere married to have sex.
  • 00:37:29.770 --> 00:37:32.306
  • And so, it forced mefor the first time ever
  • 00:37:32.306 --> 00:37:34.608
  • in a relationship tobuild it on friendship.
  • 00:37:34.608 --> 00:37:37.478
  • And I can say 20years into marriage,
  • 00:37:37.478 --> 00:37:40.681
  • I am so grateful for thatfriendship that was built
  • 00:37:40.681 --> 00:37:44.085
  • because I mean, sexis great and awesome.
  • 00:37:44.085 --> 00:37:47.121
  • And that's what we'retalking about today.
  • 00:37:47.121 --> 00:37:48.322
  • But 20 years in,four kids later,
  • 00:37:48.322 --> 00:37:50.658
  • it's different thanthe first year,
  • 00:37:50.658 --> 00:37:52.426
  • it's different thanthe very beginning.
  • 00:37:52.426 --> 00:37:54.929
  • And so, I'm grateful thatour foundation wasn't built
  • 00:37:54.929 --> 00:38:00.201
  • on something that Iknew was gonna change,
  • 00:38:01.102 --> 00:38:02.803
  • but it was builton a friendship.
  • 00:38:02.803 --> 00:38:04.305
  • And you know, our friendship20 years ago is laughable
  • 00:38:04.305 --> 00:38:07.875
  • at how much closer we are today.
  • 00:38:07.875 --> 00:38:10.378
  • But then it wasjust our foundation.
  • 00:38:10.378 --> 00:38:12.713
  • So I say to you, that'sone of the things
  • 00:38:12.713 --> 00:38:14.648
  • that we did well, was buildingour dating relationship
  • 00:38:14.648 --> 00:38:17.451
  • and our engagement on friendship
  • 00:38:17.451 --> 00:38:19.453
  • because it has sustained us
  • 00:38:19.453 --> 00:38:21.322
  • through some hardtimes in our marriage.
  • 00:38:21.322 --> 00:38:23.391
  • - In our story, that friendshipis such a powerful base,
  • 00:38:23.391 --> 00:38:26.560
  • like you said, Jamie, and,you know, I know for us,
  • 00:38:26.560 --> 00:38:30.631
  • we didn't meet like Cecedid in a bowling alley,
  • 00:38:30.631 --> 00:38:33.701
  • but it was pretty close to that.
  • 00:38:33.701 --> 00:38:35.202
  • We were young, young, young,and we met on a ski slope.
  • 00:38:35.202 --> 00:38:38.973
  • And the quirky thingabout our connection
  • 00:38:38.973 --> 00:38:42.343
  • is that my name is Leslie andmy husband's name is Leslie,
  • 00:38:42.343 --> 00:38:47.681
  • which is so weird.
  • 00:38:48.115 --> 00:38:49.617
  • And that even weird thingis his dad's name is Leslie,
  • 00:38:49.617 --> 00:38:52.319
  • and his grandfather'sname is Leslie.
  • 00:38:52.319 --> 00:38:54.054
  • So we got some weirdmojo going here.
  • 00:38:54.054 --> 00:38:57.024
  • It's really strange.
  • 00:38:57.491 --> 00:38:58.793
  • But actually, ournames are how we met
  • 00:38:58.793 --> 00:39:01.162
  • 'cause we were at a youth eventon some slopes in Colorado.
  • 00:39:01.162 --> 00:39:05.699
  • And we were headedto the gondola
  • 00:39:05.699 --> 00:39:07.234
  • that takes you up the slope.
  • 00:39:07.234 --> 00:39:08.769
  • And someone hollered outLeslie, and we both swished over
  • 00:39:08.769 --> 00:39:11.906
  • to the gondola togetherthinking it was for us.
  • 00:39:11.906 --> 00:39:14.942
  • We ended up riding up thehill, took that ski run,
  • 00:39:14.942 --> 00:39:17.945
  • shared a littlecup of hot cocoa.
  • 00:39:17.945 --> 00:39:20.314
  • I mean, and there's the story.
  • 00:39:20.948 --> 00:39:22.883
  • You know, seven years later,we finally got married.
  • 00:39:22.883 --> 00:39:24.418
  • - That was the best story.
  • 00:39:24.418 --> 00:39:26.053
  • - Isn't that funny?
  • 00:39:26.053 --> 00:39:27.188
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:39:27.188 --> 00:39:28.022
  • - Wow.
  • 00:39:28.022 --> 00:39:29.557
  • - So the quacky name thing,which is absurd and always
  • 00:39:29.557 --> 00:39:34.094
  • a hassle also was the reason,you know, in God's Providence.
  • 00:39:35.296 --> 00:39:37.398
  • So that's sweet.
  • 00:39:37.398 --> 00:39:38.566
  • But that friendshipthing is epic,
  • 00:39:38.566 --> 00:39:40.768
  • because you're right, you know,
  • 00:39:40.768 --> 00:39:42.670
  • passion takes amillion different turns
  • 00:39:42.670 --> 00:39:45.139
  • over the course of life.
  • 00:39:45.139 --> 00:39:46.507
  • One thing we know, thatwe know, that we know
  • 00:39:46.507 --> 00:39:49.376
  • is that the healthier you are
  • 00:39:49.376 --> 00:39:51.612
  • when you step into married life,
  • 00:39:51.612 --> 00:39:53.447
  • that is the bestgift you can give.
  • 00:39:53.447 --> 00:39:56.417
  • Because, you know,we always like to say
  • 00:39:56.417 --> 00:39:59.920
  • get yourself healthy
  • 00:39:59.920 --> 00:40:00.988
  • before you get yourself married.
  • 00:40:00.988 --> 00:40:02.923
  • Use this time towork on who you are.
  • 00:40:02.923 --> 00:40:05.626
  • And even after we'remarried, we continue to grow.
  • 00:40:05.626 --> 00:40:08.095
  • We don't ever get to aplace where we think,
  • 00:40:08.095 --> 00:40:09.830
  • okay, you know, I'mwhole, I've arrived.
  • 00:40:09.830 --> 00:40:12.600
  • I'm gonna cross that off mylist now 'cause I'm healthy.
  • 00:40:12.600 --> 00:40:16.070
  • We're always growing.
  • 00:40:16.070 --> 00:40:17.571
  • And every tiny bit,every baby step we take
  • 00:40:17.571 --> 00:40:21.542
  • toward health is contagious.
  • 00:40:21.542 --> 00:40:23.878
  • It draws that outof our spouse too
  • 00:40:23.878 --> 00:40:26.547
  • and elevates our relationship.
  • 00:40:26.547 --> 00:40:28.582
  • There's so much powerin just listening
  • 00:40:28.582 --> 00:40:32.553
  • to the wisdom ofthose who love us.
  • 00:40:32.553 --> 00:40:34.455
  • There's so much powerin, like you said,
  • 00:40:34.455 --> 00:40:37.558
  • setting the tone.
  • 00:40:37.558 --> 00:40:38.792
  • So it's not basedjust on passion,
  • 00:40:38.792 --> 00:40:40.961
  • but it's based on thatbeautiful friendship,
  • 00:40:40.961 --> 00:40:43.464
  • 'cause that is whathas stayed power
  • 00:40:43.464 --> 00:40:45.866
  • through all the seasons of life.
  • 00:40:45.866 --> 00:40:47.902
  • - That's true.
  • 00:40:47.902 --> 00:40:49.303
  • - So true.- That's right.
  • 00:40:49.303 --> 00:40:50.704
  • - You know, so, mygrandmother, I was sitting
  • 00:40:50.704 --> 00:40:52.406
  • with my grandmother in theliving room of her house.
  • 00:40:52.406 --> 00:40:55.709
  • They always watch "Praisethe Lord" every night,
  • 00:40:55.709 --> 00:40:58.345
  • this we're talking 38 years ago.
  • 00:40:58.345 --> 00:41:01.815
  • And I'm sitting inthere and she says,
  • 00:41:01.815 --> 00:41:05.452
  • "Honey," she said,"I'm praying,"
  • 00:41:05.452 --> 00:41:07.488
  • and she points to Pauland Jan on the TV.
  • 00:41:07.488 --> 00:41:09.356
  • And she said, "I'm prayingthat you meet their son."
  • 00:41:09.356 --> 00:41:11.759
  • And this was my grandmother.
  • 00:41:11.759 --> 00:41:13.127
  • And I just turnedand looked at her,
  • 00:41:13.127 --> 00:41:14.261
  • and I thought,"Well, that's kind of
  • 00:41:14.261 --> 00:41:15.729
  • the funniest thingyou've ever said."
  • 00:41:15.729 --> 00:41:17.598
  • A few months later,I find myself
  • 00:41:17.598 --> 00:41:20.200
  • on an elevator with JanCrouch in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
  • 00:41:20.200 --> 00:41:24.538
  • And one of the firstthings she said to me,
  • 00:41:24.538 --> 00:41:27.007
  • she looked at me and she said,
  • 00:41:27.007 --> 00:41:28.275
  • do you mind if I askhow old you are?"
  • 00:41:28.275 --> 00:41:31.345
  • She said, "I'd like foryou to meet my son."
  • 00:41:31.345 --> 00:41:33.647
  • And all of a sudden,
  • 00:41:33.647 --> 00:41:35.249
  • that clicked inside ofme, and it's a long story,
  • 00:41:35.249 --> 00:41:40.087
  • but it's a great story.
  • 00:41:40.087 --> 00:41:41.655
  • And we, Matt and I metthat night through his mom.
  • 00:41:41.655 --> 00:41:47.061
  • And I've alwaysleaned into that.
  • 00:41:47.828 --> 00:41:52.399
  • I've always leaned into thefact that my grandmother
  • 00:41:53.467 --> 00:41:55.903
  • was praying, you know,and I can recall that.
  • 00:41:55.903 --> 00:42:00.407
  • And then we broke up for ayear in the middle of all that,
  • 00:42:00.407 --> 00:42:04.778
  • which a lot ofpeople don't know.
  • 00:42:04.778 --> 00:42:06.180
  • We broke up.
  • 00:42:06.180 --> 00:42:07.514
  • And I remet him, once again,
  • 00:42:07.514 --> 00:42:10.884
  • back at my grandmother'schurch in Phoenix, Arizona.
  • 00:42:10.884 --> 00:42:15.089
  • And when we said hello again
  • 00:42:15.689 --> 00:42:17.925
  • it was like the Lordjust fixed everything.
  • 00:42:17.925 --> 00:42:20.494
  • We were married justa few months later,
  • 00:42:20.494 --> 00:42:22.229
  • but I wish every personhad that to lean on,
  • 00:42:22.229 --> 00:42:26.600
  • because all throughour marriage,
  • 00:42:26.600 --> 00:42:29.370
  • we have never saidthe big D word ever,
  • 00:42:29.370 --> 00:42:32.106
  • that has never been a choice,
  • 00:42:32.106 --> 00:42:33.974
  • that has never beenin our vocabulary.
  • 00:42:33.974 --> 00:42:36.944
  • But it's those moments of times,
  • 00:42:36.944 --> 00:42:38.746
  • and I think as believersand followers of Christ
  • 00:42:38.746 --> 00:42:42.383
  • and having thisHoly spirit in us,
  • 00:42:42.383 --> 00:42:44.418
  • I think we can tapinto that knowing
  • 00:42:44.418 --> 00:42:47.321
  • that nobody's going anywhere.
  • 00:42:47.321 --> 00:42:49.456
  • And if you're leaving,I'm going with you.
  • 00:42:49.456 --> 00:42:51.258
  • (Cece laughs)
  • 00:42:51.258 --> 00:42:52.292
  • And that we will always,
  • 00:42:52.292 --> 00:42:56.630
  • we know you'llalways be together.
  • 00:42:56.630 --> 00:42:59.233
  • So you might aswell just get happy
  • 00:42:59.233 --> 00:43:01.368
  • if you're in a littlefight or a big fight,
  • 00:43:01.368 --> 00:43:04.304
  • you might as well justget through it quickly
  • 00:43:04.304 --> 00:43:07.408
  • because you know thatnobody's going anywhere
  • 00:43:07.408 --> 00:43:10.244
  • and that God willhelp us through it.
  • 00:43:10.244 --> 00:43:12.479
  • - I love the story ofyou and Matt so much.
  • 00:43:12.479 --> 00:43:14.848
  • It is like one ofmy favorite things
  • 00:43:14.848 --> 00:43:16.884
  • when you told methat wherever I go
  • 00:43:16.884 --> 00:43:19.086
  • and we sat down andyou told me that.
  • 00:43:19.086 --> 00:43:20.788
  • But you know, Ithink that's so true,
  • 00:43:20.788 --> 00:43:22.456
  • is that we have to have thiscommitment to each other.
  • 00:43:22.456 --> 00:43:25.359
  • And Leslie, you talkedabout how, you know,
  • 00:43:25.359 --> 00:43:28.162
  • we had to get ourself right?
  • 00:43:28.162 --> 00:43:29.329
  • We have to work on that.
  • 00:43:29.329 --> 00:43:30.264
  • And I don't know about you guys,
  • 00:43:30.264 --> 00:43:31.832
  • but 2020 has been a hard year
  • 00:43:31.832 --> 00:43:35.235
  • for so many people on somany different levels.
  • 00:43:35.235 --> 00:43:38.038
  • And in fact, Aaron and I say,it's one of our hardest years
  • 00:43:38.038 --> 00:43:41.041
  • of marriage ever,because so much was taken
  • 00:43:41.041 --> 00:43:44.645
  • from people and circumstancesthat all of a sudden
  • 00:43:44.645 --> 00:43:47.448
  • I found myself dealing
  • 00:43:47.448 --> 00:43:49.249
  • with coping mechanismsthat had worked forever,
  • 00:43:49.249 --> 00:43:51.285
  • and now, all of a sudden,they weren't working.
  • 00:43:51.285 --> 00:43:52.753
  • And so, I have been in mycounselor's office more, well,
  • 00:43:52.753 --> 00:43:55.789
  • on zoom because, you know,I'm not going into her office,
  • 00:43:55.789 --> 00:43:58.058
  • but I have met with hermore often this year.
  • 00:43:58.058 --> 00:44:01.295
  • And it's been aboutmarriage stuff.
  • 00:44:01.295 --> 00:44:02.930
  • And I've had to talkthrough like, man,
  • 00:44:02.930 --> 00:44:04.565
  • why am I feeling these thingsthat I hadn't felt in so long?
  • 00:44:04.565 --> 00:44:07.601
  • And so, I'm havingto work on myself.
  • 00:44:07.601 --> 00:44:10.370
  • We were actually finishing up...
  • 00:44:10.370 --> 00:44:11.672
  • My husband and I havea book about marriage,
  • 00:44:11.672 --> 00:44:13.474
  • and we were finishing it up.
  • 00:44:13.474 --> 00:44:14.975
  • During COVID, we were fighting,
  • 00:44:14.975 --> 00:44:16.777
  • and it was so hardand so difficult,
  • 00:44:16.777 --> 00:44:18.846
  • and we had toremember, this is good.
  • 00:44:18.846 --> 00:44:21.081
  • And this commitment is good,
  • 00:44:21.081 --> 00:44:22.349
  • but I want to share thisone thing with you guys,
  • 00:44:22.349 --> 00:44:24.451
  • is it talks aboutlove and commitment,
  • 00:44:24.451 --> 00:44:26.253
  • is my husband and I went
  • 00:44:26.253 --> 00:44:27.454
  • to some really greatfriends of ours.
  • 00:44:27.454 --> 00:44:29.156
  • They had a ceremony.
  • 00:44:29.156 --> 00:44:30.557
  • A couple of years ago,
  • 00:44:30.557 --> 00:44:31.792
  • they were doing thisrecommitment ceremony
  • 00:44:31.792 --> 00:44:33.427
  • for their 30th anniversary.
  • 00:44:33.427 --> 00:44:35.462
  • And as my husbandwas officiating it,
  • 00:44:35.462 --> 00:44:37.364
  • the husband, his name is Devin,
  • 00:44:37.364 --> 00:44:39.233
  • looked at his wife,Catherine, and he said,
  • 00:44:39.233 --> 00:44:41.435
  • "I recommit to you throughthe lens of experience."
  • 00:44:41.435 --> 00:44:45.305
  • And I nearly fellout of my chair
  • 00:44:45.305 --> 00:44:47.407
  • because I thoughtthat is what love is.
  • 00:44:47.407 --> 00:44:50.878
  • It is a commitmentevery single day
  • 00:44:50.878 --> 00:44:53.046
  • knowing I know whatwe've been through,
  • 00:44:53.046 --> 00:44:55.482
  • I know how hard it's been.
  • 00:44:55.482 --> 00:44:57.084
  • And dear Lord, I knowhow hard it might get,
  • 00:44:57.084 --> 00:44:59.453
  • but I am going to be committed
  • 00:44:59.453 --> 00:45:00.754
  • to you even with allthe experience I have.
  • 00:45:00.754 --> 00:45:03.157
  • And so, that's what Ithink about when I think
  • 00:45:03.157 --> 00:45:04.658
  • about how love is thischoice and it's this action.
  • 00:45:04.658 --> 00:45:07.861
  • And we're having to continuallydecide every single day,
  • 00:45:07.861 --> 00:45:10.831
  • guess what, I'ma love you moretoday than I did yesterday.
  • 00:45:10.831 --> 00:45:13.700
  • It might be harder today-
  • 00:45:13.700 --> 00:45:15.135
  • - I still choose you.- Because of all the things
  • 00:45:15.135 --> 00:45:17.104
  • but I'm gonna do it.
  • 00:45:17.104 --> 00:45:17.938
  • I still choose you.
  • 00:45:17.938 --> 00:45:18.872
  • Yes.
  • 00:45:18.872 --> 00:45:20.340
  • - We have said some things thatour marriages were based on,
  • 00:45:20.340 --> 00:45:22.576
  • like CeCe, you talked abouthaving wise counsel around you
  • 00:45:22.576 --> 00:45:26.413
  • at the beginning.
  • 00:45:26.413 --> 00:45:27.881
  • And Jamie, you talkedabout having a friendship
  • 00:45:27.881 --> 00:45:28.949
  • at the beginning.
  • 00:45:28.949 --> 00:45:30.484
  • And I talked about havingrespect at the beginning,
  • 00:45:30.484 --> 00:45:32.553
  • but isn't it rightthat this is something
  • 00:45:32.553 --> 00:45:34.788
  • that even though thismight've been the foundation,
  • 00:45:34.788 --> 00:45:36.456
  • it's something youstill have to fight for.
  • 00:45:36.456 --> 00:45:38.125
  • CeCe, do you feel likeyou've had a fight
  • 00:45:38.125 --> 00:45:40.594
  • to still be continuously
  • 00:45:40.594 --> 00:45:42.029
  • around wise counselthroughout your marriage?
  • 00:45:42.029 --> 00:45:44.398
  • 'Cause I'm feeling like
  • 00:45:44.398 --> 00:45:45.899
  • these things might have beenfoundational and awesome,
  • 00:45:45.899 --> 00:45:47.434
  • but they didn't just come onautopilot throughout years-
  • 00:45:47.434 --> 00:45:49.736
  • - Oh, no, no, no.- Of our marriage, right?
  • 00:45:49.736 --> 00:45:50.671
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:45:50.671 --> 00:45:51.805
  • - It's true.- Do you feel that?
  • 00:45:51.805 --> 00:45:52.739
  • - You're right, yes, definitely.
  • 00:45:52.739 --> 00:45:53.974
  • You have to fight for it.
  • 00:45:53.974 --> 00:45:55.242
  • You have to choose it every day.
  • 00:45:55.242 --> 00:45:57.845
  • And I think a lot of times,people who are married
  • 00:45:57.845 --> 00:46:00.647
  • or people who are dating,you know, they get afraid.
  • 00:46:00.647 --> 00:46:04.117
  • And the reason wecan stand in boldness
  • 00:46:04.117 --> 00:46:08.188
  • and be confident andsay, "You know what,
  • 00:46:08.188 --> 00:46:10.691
  • we're gonna make it, we'regonna have a great marriage.
  • 00:46:10.691 --> 00:46:13.293
  • Our marriage matters to God.
  • 00:46:13.293 --> 00:46:15.762
  • God created our marriageto be successful.
  • 00:46:15.762 --> 00:46:17.931
  • The reason why we cando that is because
  • 00:46:17.931 --> 00:46:19.666
  • of the Holy Spirit, is becauseof the God that we serve,
  • 00:46:19.666 --> 00:46:22.870
  • and that marriage was His idea.
  • 00:46:22.870 --> 00:46:24.738
  • And He created marriage sothat we could succeed at it.
  • 00:46:24.738 --> 00:46:27.774
  • He didn't create itso we could fail.
  • 00:46:27.774 --> 00:46:29.910
  • But it's something thatthey're willing to do
  • 00:46:30.811 --> 00:46:35.749
  • and to make happen, buthe doesn't do our part.
  • 00:46:36.683 --> 00:46:38.552
  • We have to do our part.
  • 00:46:38.552 --> 00:46:40.320
  • So Hosanna, yes, I haveto fight for it daily.
  • 00:46:40.320 --> 00:46:43.123
  • I have to declare it.
  • 00:46:43.123 --> 00:46:44.758
  • We have to bind the enemy.
  • 00:46:44.758 --> 00:46:46.393
  • The enemy has an attack.
  • 00:46:46.393 --> 00:46:48.896
  • He has released anattack over marriages.
  • 00:46:48.896 --> 00:46:51.732
  • We all know that, you know.
  • 00:46:51.732 --> 00:46:53.700
  • And so, understandinghe hates it
  • 00:46:53.700 --> 00:46:56.136
  • because marriagereflects God's glory.
  • 00:46:56.136 --> 00:46:59.306
  • You know, it'snot even about you
  • 00:46:59.306 --> 00:47:01.441
  • and what you feel in your head.
  • 00:47:01.441 --> 00:47:02.910
  • Sometimes we make marriageso shallow, and it's like no,
  • 00:47:02.910 --> 00:47:07.047
  • your marriage matters to God.
  • 00:47:07.047 --> 00:47:08.882
  • And the enemy doesnot want you, Jamie,
  • 00:47:08.882 --> 00:47:11.118
  • he didn't want youto write that book.
  • 00:47:11.118 --> 00:47:13.086
  • You know, Dr. Leslie,
  • 00:47:13.086 --> 00:47:14.354
  • he doesn't want youdoing what you're doing
  • 00:47:14.354 --> 00:47:16.156
  • with your husband.
  • 00:47:16.156 --> 00:47:16.990
  • Why?
  • 00:47:16.990 --> 00:47:18.425
  • Because the bond ofmarriage is so beautiful,
  • 00:47:18.425 --> 00:47:20.460
  • it's so powerful, it'ssuch a incredible ministry,
  • 00:47:20.460 --> 00:47:24.331
  • and you don't haveto be on stage.
  • 00:47:24.331 --> 00:47:25.966
  • - It's a ministry likeLaurie was saying,
  • 00:47:25.966 --> 00:47:28.068
  • with your children,it just, you know,
  • 00:47:28.068 --> 00:47:30.904
  • everything begins with marriage.
  • 00:47:30.904 --> 00:47:33.507
  • None of us would be hereif it wasn't a relationship
  • 00:47:33.507 --> 00:47:36.543
  • between a man and a woman.
  • 00:47:36.543 --> 00:47:38.545
  • And so, it's worth fighting for.
  • 00:47:38.545 --> 00:47:41.114
  • Yes, we have to fight.
  • 00:47:41.114 --> 00:47:42.349
  • But all of heavensis on your side
  • 00:47:42.349 --> 00:47:44.551
  • when you chooseto love God's way.
  • 00:47:44.551 --> 00:47:47.988
  • - You know, we'retalking about romance
  • 00:47:47.988 --> 00:47:49.523
  • and staying in your marriageand really fighting for it.
  • 00:47:49.523 --> 00:47:51.425
  • And I remember the seasonof having four young kids
  • 00:47:51.425 --> 00:47:54.328
  • and feeling like I'm justfighting to get to 7:30.
  • 00:47:54.328 --> 00:47:57.431
  • That's all I canfight to get to.
  • 00:47:57.431 --> 00:47:59.833
  • I'm not fighting to find romance
  • 00:47:59.833 --> 00:48:01.368
  • because there's noromance, because I'm tired.
  • 00:48:01.368 --> 00:48:03.437
  • And I remember I hadto make a decision.
  • 00:48:03.437 --> 00:48:05.706
  • And both Aaron and I hadto make this decision
  • 00:48:05.706 --> 00:48:07.507
  • as we realized that that seasonof parenting young children
  • 00:48:07.507 --> 00:48:11.044
  • in the longevity of ourmarriage, if we live to be 80,
  • 00:48:11.044 --> 00:48:14.281
  • if that's what God wills for us,
  • 00:48:14.281 --> 00:48:15.749
  • and we're married, youknow, for 50 years or 40,
  • 00:48:15.749 --> 00:48:19.686
  • however long we get to be.
  • 00:48:19.686 --> 00:48:21.521
  • That season of parenting
  • 00:48:21.521 --> 00:48:22.956
  • young kids is gonna be a blink.
  • 00:48:22.956 --> 00:48:24.958
  • And so, what we had to do
  • 00:48:24.958 --> 00:48:26.426
  • and we made a commitmentwhen we talked about romance
  • 00:48:26.426 --> 00:48:28.528
  • and sticking it out, is wehad to have a long game.
  • 00:48:28.528 --> 00:48:30.964
  • So I couldn't just think
  • 00:48:30.964 --> 00:48:32.499
  • about what it was like toparent, you know, a seven,
  • 00:48:32.499 --> 00:48:34.735
  • and a six-year-old,and a five-year-oldand a four-year-old.
  • 00:48:34.735 --> 00:48:36.870
  • I had to think about whatis it gonna be like for me
  • 00:48:36.870 --> 00:48:39.139
  • and my spouse when all of ourchildren have left the house?
  • 00:48:39.139 --> 00:48:42.776
  • And we had a reallybig wake up call
  • 00:48:42.776 --> 00:48:44.745
  • our first year of marriage
  • 00:48:44.745 --> 00:48:46.213
  • when Aaron got a phone callfrom one of his friends.
  • 00:48:46.213 --> 00:48:48.482
  • And he said his parentswere getting divorced
  • 00:48:48.482 --> 00:48:50.017
  • after 25 years.
  • 00:48:50.017 --> 00:48:51.284
  • And as a young newlywed,
  • 00:48:51.284 --> 00:48:52.986
  • my brain could notcomprehend spending 25 years
  • 00:48:52.986 --> 00:48:56.623
  • with someone andthen get a divorce.
  • 00:48:56.623 --> 00:48:58.825
  • Now that I'm 20 years married,I see how that happens.
  • 00:48:58.825 --> 00:49:01.795
  • That is no longera mystery to me.
  • 00:49:01.795 --> 00:49:03.497
  • I know exactly how that happens.
  • 00:49:03.497 --> 00:49:05.365
  • And so, we made adecision early on
  • 00:49:05.365 --> 00:49:07.267
  • that we were gonna fightfor romance and intimacy
  • 00:49:07.267 --> 00:49:09.703
  • for 10 years down the road whenwe needed it more than ever.
  • 00:49:09.703 --> 00:49:13.740
  • And so, I just wannaencourage if you're a woman
  • 00:49:13.740 --> 00:49:16.209
  • and you've got young kidsand you feel exhausted
  • 00:49:16.209 --> 00:49:18.178
  • and you feel like romanceis not even on the table,
  • 00:49:18.178 --> 00:49:21.048
  • I would encourage you asmuch as you're fighting
  • 00:49:21.048 --> 00:49:22.549
  • for your marriage andyou're fighting your tongue,
  • 00:49:22.549 --> 00:49:24.251
  • and you're fighting your heart,
  • 00:49:24.251 --> 00:49:25.585
  • to fight to find that intimacy.
  • 00:49:25.585 --> 00:49:27.220
  • And I don't just mean sex.
  • 00:49:27.220 --> 00:49:28.588
  • Yes, that's a part of it.
  • 00:49:28.588 --> 00:49:30.123
  • But, I mean, fight for thatintimacy with your husband
  • 00:49:30.123 --> 00:49:32.159
  • that's going to sustainyou through those years
  • 00:49:32.159 --> 00:49:35.228
  • that when you wake up after
  • 00:49:35.228 --> 00:49:36.630
  • that last kid goesoff to college,
  • 00:49:36.630 --> 00:49:38.932
  • you wake up and youlook at your husband,
  • 00:49:38.932 --> 00:49:40.534
  • you go, "I know you,and we're gonna be okay.
  • 00:49:40.534 --> 00:49:43.770
  • We have each other.
  • 00:49:43.770 --> 00:49:45.138
  • And we have built anintimacy that does not depend
  • 00:49:45.138 --> 00:49:47.340
  • on these childrenliving in our house.
  • 00:49:47.340 --> 00:49:49.443
  • - You know, if there'sanyone listening
  • 00:49:49.443 --> 00:49:51.078
  • to you and says, you know,yeah, I believe on that,
  • 00:49:51.078 --> 00:49:53.613
  • but I just need a takeaway.
  • 00:49:53.613 --> 00:49:55.449
  • What's one thing Ican do in this moment,
  • 00:49:55.449 --> 00:49:58.652
  • in the moment when I'mfrazzled and I'm exhausted
  • 00:49:58.652 --> 00:50:02.089
  • from parenting to reconnect.
  • 00:50:02.089 --> 00:50:03.890
  • There are just thesmallest things we can do
  • 00:50:03.890 --> 00:50:06.893
  • that have a profound impact.
  • 00:50:06.893 --> 00:50:08.995
  • One of those is just simplythe minute we reconnect
  • 00:50:08.995 --> 00:50:12.365
  • after we've beenapart, you know,
  • 00:50:12.365 --> 00:50:14.668
  • sometimes in thefray of everything,
  • 00:50:14.668 --> 00:50:16.703
  • we're so rash, we're exhausted,we're coming back together.
  • 00:50:16.703 --> 00:50:19.606
  • The kids want our attention.
  • 00:50:19.606 --> 00:50:21.241
  • But if we just takethat one minute to look
  • 00:50:21.241 --> 00:50:24.544
  • at each other's eyes andmake a connection, you know,
  • 00:50:24.544 --> 00:50:28.315
  • and we know it's so powerful.
  • 00:50:28.315 --> 00:50:31.518
  • The minute that mattersmost in your marriage
  • 00:50:31.518 --> 00:50:33.353
  • it changes everything because,
  • 00:50:33.353 --> 00:50:35.288
  • not because thatminute is everything
  • 00:50:35.288 --> 00:50:37.557
  • but it sets the emotional tone
  • 00:50:37.557 --> 00:50:39.626
  • for the time you're gonnashare after that minute.
  • 00:50:39.626 --> 00:50:42.395
  • If you're feeling distance fromeach other and disconnected,
  • 00:50:43.530 --> 00:50:46.266
  • even just a hug,a hug that we know
  • 00:50:46.266 --> 00:50:49.836
  • that all it takes is a hug thatlasts for 80 seconds or so.
  • 00:50:49.836 --> 00:50:55.175
  • I mean, and that'skind of a long hug.
  • 00:50:56.009 --> 00:50:57.144
  • Try it.
  • 00:50:57.144 --> 00:50:58.145
  • You know, it's awonderful thing.
  • 00:50:58.145 --> 00:51:00.247
  • Just a simple, long hugchanges our brain chemistry,
  • 00:51:00.247 --> 00:51:03.683
  • and it releases the chemicalsthat make you feel attached
  • 00:51:03.683 --> 00:51:06.887
  • to each other.
  • 00:51:06.887 --> 00:51:08.155
  • So God has woven itinto our DNA, right?
  • 00:51:08.155 --> 00:51:12.359
  • That when we do thesekinds of connecting things,
  • 00:51:12.359 --> 00:51:14.861
  • it does create love and romance.
  • 00:51:14.861 --> 00:51:18.498
  • And all it might take is a hug
  • 00:51:18.498 --> 00:51:20.767
  • or just look each other in theeyes, don't be overwhelmed.
  • 00:51:20.767 --> 00:51:24.704
  • Those simple, simplethings make a difference.
  • 00:51:24.704 --> 00:51:27.641
  • And you can put those intopractice starting today
  • 00:51:27.641 --> 00:51:30.644
  • for little love romance,even at the speed of life.
  • 00:51:30.644 --> 00:51:35.582
  • - And sometimes thattakes a lot of humility,
  • 00:51:35.582 --> 00:51:38.285
  • especially if you're madand you're not over it yet,
  • 00:51:38.285 --> 00:51:42.389
  • you know, to actuallyhumble yourself
  • 00:51:42.389 --> 00:51:45.425
  • and do something kind,
  • 00:51:45.425 --> 00:51:46.960
  • or do something nice, or takethat moment, say you're sorry,
  • 00:51:46.960 --> 00:51:51.464
  • get it over with, don't letthe sun go down on your wrath.
  • 00:51:51.464 --> 00:51:55.569
  • I have let the sun go downon my wrath many times.
  • 00:51:55.569 --> 00:51:59.573
  • And I hate that I'm likethat, but we can't do that.
  • 00:51:59.573 --> 00:52:04.878
  • We've got to let that go.
  • 00:52:05.445 --> 00:52:06.780
  • We've got to let ourspirits be healed,
  • 00:52:06.780 --> 00:52:11.518
  • be healed in Jesus' name.
  • 00:52:12.085 --> 00:52:14.788
  • There's so much.
  • 00:52:15.155 --> 00:52:16.623
  • People have gone throughso much in their marriages.
  • 00:52:16.623 --> 00:52:18.625
  • There is pain.
  • 00:52:18.625 --> 00:52:19.926
  • There is rejection.
  • 00:52:19.926 --> 00:52:22.996
  • There is infidelity.
  • 00:52:22.996 --> 00:52:24.898
  • There are so many thingsthat people go through
  • 00:52:24.898 --> 00:52:27.934
  • and live through,
  • 00:52:27.934 --> 00:52:29.236
  • probably thingsthat I couldn't do.
  • 00:52:29.236 --> 00:52:31.705
  • So let's just pray for thoseof you who are married.
  • 00:52:32.772 --> 00:52:35.875
  • There's always hope.
  • 00:52:35.875 --> 00:52:37.811
  • There is you are neverleft without hope.
  • 00:52:37.811 --> 00:52:41.815
  • Those of you who aren't married,
  • 00:52:41.815 --> 00:52:43.583
  • who may be want to be married,
  • 00:52:43.583 --> 00:52:45.652
  • I pray today that God fills you
  • 00:52:45.652 --> 00:52:48.655
  • with such peace, and suchcomfort, and such company.
  • 00:52:48.655 --> 00:52:53.893
  • He is the one who stands beside.
  • 00:52:54.527 --> 00:52:56.796
  • He is the one who sits beside.
  • 00:52:56.796 --> 00:52:59.733
  • He is the one who isthere all the time.
  • 00:52:59.733 --> 00:53:02.669
  • He never leaves us.
  • 00:53:02.669 --> 00:53:04.537
  • He never forsakes us.
  • 00:53:04.537 --> 00:53:06.373
  • He is always rightthere with us.
  • 00:53:06.373 --> 00:53:09.542
  • So I wanna pray foreach one of you today.
  • 00:53:09.542 --> 00:53:11.544
  • Father, I thankyou for your love.
  • 00:53:11.544 --> 00:53:14.180
  • I thank you for your peace,
  • 00:53:14.180 --> 00:53:16.583
  • that passes all understanding.
  • 00:53:16.583 --> 00:53:18.818
  • I thank you for the greathope that we have in you.
  • 00:53:18.818 --> 00:53:22.522
  • God, that one day we'llsee you face to face.
  • 00:53:22.522 --> 00:53:26.026
  • God, I thank you foryour being strong
  • 00:53:26.026 --> 00:53:29.929
  • in our lives, our rock,our sustaining tower,
  • 00:53:29.929 --> 00:53:35.201
  • the one who holds us up whenwe think we can't make it.
  • 00:53:36.303 --> 00:53:38.905
  • God I thank you thatyou are our joy.
  • 00:53:38.905 --> 00:53:42.575
  • You are the laughterof our lives.
  • 00:53:42.575 --> 00:53:44.344
  • You give us peace in the storm.
  • 00:53:44.344 --> 00:53:46.746
  • You give us joy, father,when everything looks awry.
  • 00:53:46.746 --> 00:53:51.184
  • God, I thank you thatyou're our healer.
  • 00:53:51.184 --> 00:53:53.787
  • You're our provision.
  • 00:53:53.787 --> 00:53:56.323
  • God, everything that weneed, we can run to you
  • 00:53:56.323 --> 00:53:59.626
  • and we can find it in you.
  • 00:53:59.626 --> 00:54:02.062
  • God, you are theever present help,
  • 00:54:02.062 --> 00:54:04.764
  • the Holy Spirit, ourcomforter that leads us
  • 00:54:04.764 --> 00:54:08.168
  • and it guides us, andit holds our tongue
  • 00:54:08.168 --> 00:54:11.705
  • and it helps us God,to stay the course,
  • 00:54:11.705 --> 00:54:16.376
  • God, and to be faithful to you.
  • 00:54:16.376 --> 00:54:18.044
  • Father, so I praythat we're faithful
  • 00:54:18.044 --> 00:54:20.480
  • to you first and foremost.
  • 00:54:20.480 --> 00:54:23.216
  • God, faithful to theHoly spirit, movingin our lives, God.
  • 00:54:23.216 --> 00:54:27.287
  • Father, I pray that everyonejust, if they haven't
  • 00:54:27.287 --> 00:54:29.956
  • asked Christ into theirheart, father, I pray
  • 00:54:29.956 --> 00:54:31.991
  • that you move them.
  • 00:54:31.991 --> 00:54:33.693
  • God, just to say, come in,Lord, Jesus, take control
  • 00:54:33.693 --> 00:54:37.764
  • have access toeverything in my life.
  • 00:54:38.565 --> 00:54:41.201
  • God and I pray that the peace
  • 00:54:41.835 --> 00:54:43.269
  • that passes all understandings,God, just cover our minds
  • 00:54:43.269 --> 00:54:46.806
  • and our hearts and fill uswith your spirit, Father.
  • 00:54:46.806 --> 00:54:50.577
  • Let us love like you.
  • 00:54:50.577 --> 00:54:52.879
  • And I pray that in Jesusname, happy Valentine's Day,
  • 00:54:52.879 --> 00:54:56.850
  • whether you're married ornot just from me, a big hug.
  • 00:54:56.850 --> 00:54:59.919
  • (Laurie laughs)
  • 00:54:59.919 --> 00:55:01.054
  • A big hug from me,
  • 00:55:01.054 --> 00:55:02.489
  • a big hug from us,a big family hug.
  • 00:55:02.489 --> 00:55:04.824
  • This is what we callit in our house.
  • 00:55:04.824 --> 00:55:06.593
  • We love you.
  • 00:55:06.593 --> 00:55:07.427
  • God bless you.
  • 00:55:07.427 --> 00:55:08.261
  • (lips smacking)
  • 00:55:08.261 --> 00:55:09.529
  • Happy Valentine'sDay to everybody.
  • 00:55:09.529 --> 00:55:10.196
  • I love you.
  • 00:55:10.196 --> 00:55:11.030
  • Bye-bye.
  • 00:55:11.030 --> 00:55:11.865
  • (lively jazz music)
  • 00:55:11.865 --> 00:55:11.865