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How to Rate Your Marriage

November 29, 2016

28:35

Living by Faith with Mike & DeeDee Freeman

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How to Rate Your Marriage

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- [Female] So whatever way got can increase me
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with whatever means or whatever situation
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I'm saying increase me.
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But it ain't just about me.
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The devil has taken some stuff from you.
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And if you don't put a demand on him
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to pay it back you're not going to get it back.
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I want you to be so fired up after today,
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I want you to leave out of here with
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expectation of seeing everything.
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Victorious
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Oh Jesus
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Dr. Mike: Very exciting broadcast
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we have here for you today in
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just simply rating your marriage.
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It is not something that is designed
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to put you down or to make you feel
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inadequate, but rather to locate you.
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You are coming up with a number
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that says something about your relationship.
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On today's broadcast, we have quite a few people
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who were very alarmed about the
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number that their spouse gave.
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Maybe you have a number that's not
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a same number that your spouse has.
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On today, we're going to help you move that
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number higher so you can make marriage easy.
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Stay tuned.
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Voiceover: Today on Marriage Made Easy.
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Dr. Mike: Here's an exercise for every last couple here.
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Use your travel time on the way home,
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for instance, and discuss your number.
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Where'd you get eight from?
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(upbeat drum and guitar music)
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Dr. Mike: In a moment you're going to be joining us
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with this meeting already in progress.
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Let me just give you the back drop.
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I have some of the people who assist us
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in counseling and meeting with couples
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in the ministry of Spirit of Faith Christian Center.
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The director, the head of that area of ministry
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and his assistant, along with another couple,
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are joining us at this particular meeting
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to assist us in sharing information.
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That's definitely going to make their marriage easy.
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Before we go into this broadcast,
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I want you to go get a sheet of paper.
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If you and your spouse are sitting there together,
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go and get a small sheet of paper,
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or just pull your iPhone out.
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Put the number that you believe
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your relationship from one to ten, right?
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Dr. Dee Dee: From one to ten.
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Dr. Mike: One to ten.
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You tell ten being the greatest.
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Dr. Dee Dee: Ten being the best.
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Dr. Mike: Don't let her see your number.
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Don't let him see the number.
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You put your number in, and we'll go from there.
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Let's go right into today's meeting.
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Dr. Mike: Okay, here we go.
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Are you ready?
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Congregation: Yes.
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Don't let them see your paper.
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What did I just say?
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Congregation: Don't let them see your paper.
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Dr. Mike: "Oh, we don't have any secrets."
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Look, all I'm saying, for right now,
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just don't let him or her see it, okay?
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I'll let you know when I want them to see it, okay?
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Are you ready?
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I say are you ready?
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Congregation: Yes.
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Dr. Mike: Here's what you're going to do.
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On a scale from one to ten,
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I need you to rate your marriage.
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Ten being the greatest, I need you to rate
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from one to ten, rate your marriage,
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or your relationship, even as singles.
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Give me a number.
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Don't let them see your number.
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Oh, Jesus.
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(laughing)
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Oh, Jesus.
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Are we all ready?
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Congregation: Yes, sir.
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Dr. Mike: Who has not finished?
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(laughing)
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Dr. Mike: (laughs) Hilarious man.
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Come on it ain't going to take all night.
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Are we ready?
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Congregation: Yes.
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Dr. Mike: You're done?
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Congregation: Yes.
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Dr. Mike: Close that paper.
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Don't let them see it.
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Now you can turn and face forward because I want you,
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I want to be able, camera man get ready because
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I want to catch some of these facial expressions.
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(laughing)
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Is your paper folded?
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Congregation: Yes.
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Dr. Mike: Hand that paper to your mate or spouse.
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Don't open it.
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Just hand it to them.
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Here's my prayer.
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(laughing)
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Because I'm praying for you.
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That your numbers are the same, at least.
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Okay, because you are in agreement,
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even if it's fo, better known as four.
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You know where you are.
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Here is the law of destination.
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The law of destination says, firstly, you must what?
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You must locate yourself.
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You must know where you are.
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You ever been to a mall and you're
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looking for a certain store.
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You walk up to this big diagram, this directory.
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You had to look for that red, yellow, pink, purple,
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black dot that says, "You are here."
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Regardless of where the place happens to be,
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if you don't know where you are.
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I'm preaching better than y'all saying amen.
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You'll never know how to get there.
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This is just for identification purpose only.
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This is not to put anybody down.
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At least you have a place where
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you can figure out now, wow.
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Some of the brother's going to have nine and a half.
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(laughing)
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And your wife going to have three.
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(laughing)
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Better know as tres; uno, dos, tres, right.
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Here we go; are you ready?
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Open your paper.
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Okay, good.
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I see some high fives, okay.
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High fives, I see high fives.
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(laughing)
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I see frowns.
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(laughing)
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Oh, don't cuss him; don't cuss him.
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(laughing)
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Okay, here we go; here we go.
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Stand if your numbers were the same, couples.
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Okay, that's cool, that's cool.
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Alright, that's really good.
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Okay, alright.
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Okay, now be seated.
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Alright.
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(laughing)
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I'm almost willing to state, I can't.
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Here's the most predominant
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numbers that we have in this room.
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Here they are.
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Seven and eight.
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Stand up if you have seven or eight.
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Dr. Dee Dee: You are good.
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Tell them why.
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Dr. Mike: Stand up, seven, eight.
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Seven says, "I know I'm not doing so good,
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but I'm not going to settle for six.
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I'm going to say seven.
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(laughing)
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You judge it.
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Eight is saying, "We're not so bad.
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"There's so much room that I could have,
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"but I can't say nine, so I'll settle
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"for eight because ten is out of the question."
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(lauging)
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Dr. Dee Dee: That's good.
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Dr. Mike: Now watch this.
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Have a seat.
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There are going to be less than this number, very few nines.
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Stand nines.
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Now I'm talking about nines together.
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(laughing)
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Okay, you may be seated.
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I guarantee you there are less than
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four tens, or maybe none at all.
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Stand tens.
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Now watch this.
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I'm not talking about a faith confession.
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We're a ten by faith in Jesus name.
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(laughing)
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One, two, three.
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People, I didn't set this up.
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Obviously there's some six and
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some fives, or lower than sevens.
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This exercise, have a seat.
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This exercise is not designed to put you down.
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Dr. Dee Dee: Right.
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Dr. Mike: Or not even to judge you,
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but rather it is to locate you.
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Here's my style.
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If I can't put but seven on that paper,
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that is a personal insult to me.
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You understand?
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It's not an insult in a sense that I'm
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disappointed about where I am saying seven.
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I know I can do so much better.
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I'm going to use this seven.
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I'm going to go to her and say, "How do I become eight?"
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Are you still here?
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If you don't ever get even, okay.
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How many couples were not together on your numbers; stand?
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Wow, some of y'all standing twice.
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(laughing)
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Dr. Dee Dee: Maybe they misunderstood the first time.
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Like your nines.
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Dr. Mike: You are not together?
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All of you, your numbers are not together?
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Okay, how many men were lower than their wives?
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Lift your hand.
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No, she had, what number did she write?
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Man in congregation: Seven.
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Dr. Mike: Seven, what number did you write?
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Man in congregation: Eight.
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Dr. Mike: Eight, so your number was higher than hers.
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Okay, so that's a pretty good thing.
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What you got in the back?
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I saw your hand up.
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My brother there with the hand on chest.
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Man in congregation: Seven.
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Dr. Mike: Seven, your number was seven.
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What about your spouse?
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Man in congregation: Five.
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Dr. Mike: Five.
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Man in congregation: She wrote five; I wrote seven.
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Dr. Mike She wrote five; you wrote seven.
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Most men are grading their
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marriages higher than their wives.
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That's what I'm asking.
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How many men graded your marriage higher than your wife?
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See how men do?
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(laughing)
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We ain't that bad.
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I don't know where you get this five from.
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(laughing)
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That must be because of you.
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(laughing)
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(upbeat guitar music)
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(low tempo guitar music)
00:13:44.150 --> 00:13:56.280
Dr. Mike: It's important that you
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do things together as husband and wife.
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Sometimes you get in to this rut and this
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routine about how your doing life.
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It appears as though you're
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together, but you're just gathered.
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There's a difference.
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In the scripture in the bible says,
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"Where two or three are gathered together in my name."
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We found out that there are husband and
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wives who are gathered but they are-
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Dr. Dee Dee: No together.
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Dr. Mike: It's important that you do things together.
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Go back to some of the times where you were
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dating one another; courting one another.
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Player, player, you made sure that you were on your game,
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and that you took her out, and you wined and dined her.
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That's with the grape juice version.
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(laughing)
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You did things together.
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You went to the movies and so forth and so on.
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Make her your friend again.
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Make him your friend again.
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Do things together.
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I guarantee you you'll find out that a lot
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of tension and stress that you are
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experiencing, you'll recapture and recover
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some of the moments that you used to have together.
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When she smiled, you smiled back.
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When you smiled, she smiled back.
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We got to get that loving feeling you lost.
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Dr. Dee Dee: That loving feeling.
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Dr. Mike: Loving feeling.
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Even if it's golf or putt-putt,
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or whatever have you, basketball.
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Just go for a walk and talk.
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Enjoy each other's fellowship.
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That's how God communed with the first couple in the garden.
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He fellowshipped with them as they fellowshipped with Him.
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Dr. Dee Dee and I want to give you some tips
00:15:37.160 --> 00:15:40.090
in helping you to make your marriage easy.
00:15:40.090 --> 00:15:44.220
God bless you; we'll see you.
00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:46.140
Voiceover: If I can turn back time.
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(laughing)
00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:53.100
(laughing)
00:16:01.230 --> 00:16:06.230
And she could be saying something to you
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with her number that you are not
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realizing about your relationship.
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If she has five, to me, that's not a bad thing.
00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:20.030
That's not to judge anyone.
00:16:20.030 --> 00:16:22.110
That's not to ridicule anyone; put anybody down.
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That's just to let me know, if my wife is saying five,
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then I got to get to work because I am personally.
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I'm insulted myself.
00:16:36.220 --> 00:16:38.240
This ain't got nothing to do with,
00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:40.100
this has nothing to do with anyone in this room but me
00:16:40.100 --> 00:16:45.060
because I'm the only one that's married to her.
00:16:45.060 --> 00:16:47.280
If she's saying five, that five is going to change right away.
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:53.140
If she's saying six, if she's even saying seven.
00:16:53.180 --> 00:16:56.290
If she's saying eight, why can't I be a nine?
00:16:56.290 --> 00:17:00.120
If she's saying nine, why can't I be a ten?
00:17:00.140 --> 00:17:03.070
I hope y'all are hearing me tonight.
00:17:05.150 --> 00:17:07.150
Why are so few people saying ten?
00:17:08.040 --> 00:17:11.040
Are they lying?
00:17:12.020 --> 00:17:14.000
Dr. Dee Dee said, "If ten is on the scale,
00:17:16.230 --> 00:17:20.040
"then ten is obtainable."
00:17:20.040 --> 00:17:22.180
I'm changing my mind about this whole
00:17:26.150 --> 00:17:30.250
ideology that nobody's perfect.
00:17:30.250 --> 00:17:33.170
They gave me a A plus in school,
00:17:34.220 --> 00:17:37.020
but I can't get an A plus in life?
00:17:37.140 --> 00:17:39.220
I can't be a ten in life?
00:17:41.100 --> 00:17:43.200
Ten is indicating perfect.
00:17:43.240 --> 00:17:45.260
Vincent Lombardi said, "Since ten is not obtainable,
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:52.050
"I'll run after ten and I'll catch a
00:17:52.050 --> 00:17:56.190
"nine and at least be excellent."
00:17:56.190 --> 00:17:59.050
Why isn't it obtainable?
00:18:01.060 --> 00:18:02.250
Ask Mary Lou Retton.
00:18:02.250 --> 00:18:04.150
When she had to get the ten in the United States Olympics
00:18:04.150 --> 00:18:08.090
some years ago, she had to score a ten.
00:18:08.090 --> 00:18:11.140
She put it all out there and got a perfect ten.
00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:15.210
I'm telling you, we're going to have tens
00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.110
in this room by this time next year.
00:18:18.110 --> 00:18:24.010
(clapping)
00:18:24.010 --> 00:18:26.160
I said we're going to have tens.
00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:29.040
(clapping and cheering)
00:18:29.040 --> 00:18:32.210
Okay, be seated.
00:18:32.210 --> 00:18:34.180
Now, here's another part that we got to explore.
00:18:35.000 --> 00:18:39.190
How did you come about that number?
00:18:39.190 --> 00:18:42.040
How did you come to that number?
00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:46.010
What were the categories?
00:18:46.090 --> 00:18:48.220
Did you give me a general eight, seven?
00:18:50.030 --> 00:18:54.270
Was that number broken down by categories?
00:18:55.190 --> 00:19:00.140
If we were to rate your recreational activities,
00:19:01.100 --> 00:19:07.110
which is absolutely necessary in a
00:19:08.260 --> 00:19:12.020
marriage, what would that number be?
00:19:12.020 --> 00:19:15.030
What do you do recreationally that
00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:18.200
is helping your relationship become what
00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:21.200
God intended for it to become?
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:24.130
How about the romance department?
00:19:25.100 --> 00:19:27.180
How about the respect department?
00:19:28.180 --> 00:19:31.080
I'm losing my crowd here, baby.
00:19:32.170 --> 00:19:34.090
(laughing)
00:19:34.090 --> 00:19:36.040
I got these coupons up here.
00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:38.020
(laughing)
00:19:38.020 --> 00:19:41.280
What are some of the other areas?
00:19:42.280 --> 00:19:44.170
We talked about your hobbies.
00:19:45.080 --> 00:19:47.270
What do you do together?
00:19:48.220 --> 00:19:50.140
Rate your friendship.
00:19:50.140 --> 00:19:52.260
When we, sex life.
00:19:57.110 --> 00:20:00.050
Dr. Dee Dee: Money.
00:20:01.250 --> 00:20:03.010
Dr. Mike: Money.
00:20:03.010 --> 00:20:04.210
Dr. Dee Dee: Communication.
00:20:04.210 --> 00:20:05.270
Dr. Mike: Communication.
00:20:05.270 --> 00:20:07.140
How did you come to this number?
00:20:07.140 --> 00:20:10.230
Six, five, seven, eight; how did you get there?
00:20:11.090 --> 00:20:15.110
If you compartmentalize, did I say that right?
00:20:17.200 --> 00:20:22.120
Dr. Dee Dee: Compartmentalize.
00:20:22.120 --> 00:20:23.170
Dr. Mike: Every area of marriage,
00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:27.060
did you get that from an overall number?
00:20:27.060 --> 00:20:30.030
Where did you get that number from?
00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:32.160
There are a lot of people who are
00:20:32.270 --> 00:20:35.060
failing in the friendship department.
00:20:35.060 --> 00:20:38.260
You just cohabitate.
00:20:40.250 --> 00:20:42.170
I'm stepping down.
00:20:44.050 --> 00:20:45.290
Talk to them.
00:20:47.250 --> 00:20:48.240
Dr. Dee Dee: That's good because
00:20:48.240 --> 00:20:49.250
some people will judge or come up
00:20:49.250 --> 00:20:51.290
with that number based upon the
00:20:51.290 --> 00:20:54.090
mate and not the relationship.
00:20:54.090 --> 00:20:56.100
Dr. Mike: I didn't get that.
00:20:58.030 --> 00:20:59.230
Dr. Dee Dee: You gave your mate the score
00:20:59.280 --> 00:21:02.050
opposed to your relationship the score.
00:21:02.050 --> 00:21:04.180
You wanted to send a message.
00:21:05.070 --> 00:21:07.000
Dr. Mike: Look, I said I'm giving out the coupons.
00:21:10.020 --> 00:21:12.220
(laughing)
00:21:12.220 --> 00:21:16.050
How does that fluctuate?
00:21:25.230 --> 00:21:27.270
Are you a ten one day, a nine the next day?
00:21:28.130 --> 00:21:33.140
Eight on the next day; is this constant?
00:21:34.120 --> 00:21:37.090
Here's an exercise for every last couple here.
00:21:39.270 --> 00:21:43.180
Use your travel time on the way home,
00:21:45.040 --> 00:21:48.270
for instance, and discuss your number.
00:21:48.270 --> 00:21:52.120
Where did you get eight from?
00:21:52.120 --> 00:21:55.220
(laughing)
00:21:55.220 --> 00:21:58.160
Turn to your neighbor and say,
00:21:58.260 --> 00:22:00.030
"We come here to fix the thing, not."
00:22:00.030 --> 00:22:02.030
(laughing)
00:22:02.030 --> 00:22:05.000
There we go; we got an argument.
00:22:05.100 --> 00:22:07.060
(laughing)
00:22:07.060 --> 00:22:09.250
How can you rate yourselves as eight,
00:22:10.020 --> 00:22:14.200
and you can't talk about everything?
00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:17.080
What areas?
00:22:21.090 --> 00:22:22.170
This exercise alone can bring you to the table.
00:22:22.250 --> 00:22:29.180
Can get you in the place where you're sitting down,
00:22:30.210 --> 00:22:34.080
and you're discussing just this.
00:22:34.080 --> 00:22:37.060
I'm telling you, there's so much growth
00:22:37.120 --> 00:22:39.250
locked into this one exercise,
00:22:39.250 --> 00:22:42.110
where you can take one day out of each week,
00:22:42.110 --> 00:22:46.160
watch this, and talk about specifically
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:50.140
one category of that overall number.
00:22:50.140 --> 00:22:53.240
How about your respect towards me?
00:22:54.010 --> 00:22:56.250
How much do you really honor who I am?
00:23:00.140 --> 00:23:03.270
All of this has to be understood based
00:23:05.170 --> 00:23:09.180
upon how much you value covenant.
00:23:09.180 --> 00:23:13.170
Here we go, ladies and gentlemen.
00:23:16.070 --> 00:23:17.290
Value is the product of information,
00:23:17.290 --> 00:23:22.050
interest, and importance.
00:23:22.050 --> 00:23:24.230
What did I just say?
00:23:24.230 --> 00:23:25.280
Congregation: Value is the product of
00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:27.160
information, interest, and importance.
00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:31.140
Dr. Mike: If you're not getting information
00:23:31.220 --> 00:23:33.260
from one another concerning your
00:23:33.260 --> 00:23:36.280
relationship, you don't value it much.
00:23:36.280 --> 00:23:40.130
Lord, Jesus, y'all better take this.
00:23:44.130 --> 00:23:46.190
I'm tired of being the only one taking the hit.
00:23:46.220 --> 00:23:48.270
(laughing)
00:23:48.270 --> 00:23:51.060
You should see them looking at me, baby.
00:23:51.140 --> 00:23:53.060
Go get them, champ.
00:23:53.280 --> 00:23:55.130
(laughing)
00:23:55.130 --> 00:23:57.170
Dr. Dee Dee: No value, just throw me out there.
00:23:57.170 --> 00:24:00.030
Dr. Mike: The alarm went off the other night
00:24:03.030 --> 00:24:05.040
I'm laying in the bed; she's laying in the bed.
00:24:06.260 --> 00:24:10.070
She said, "Well, aren't you going to go see?"
00:24:11.060 --> 00:24:13.150
(laughing)
00:24:13.150 --> 00:24:15.100
I said, "Why do I have to go see?"
00:24:15.100 --> 00:24:17.050
(laughing)
00:24:17.050 --> 00:24:18.240
Why don't you get out there?
00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:20.270
Brother Wilbur, where's Brother Wilbur?
00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:28.070
Brother Wilbur proposed and introduced
00:24:28.200 --> 00:24:33.090
that to us on Monday when we began to talk about
00:24:33.090 --> 00:24:37.140
how much do you value covenant.
00:24:37.140 --> 00:24:40.200
Value will eliminate divorce.
00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:45.170
How much you value this will determine
00:24:48.250 --> 00:24:52.160
how long you will stay in it.
00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:54.270
I value covenant so much it's, watch this,
00:24:55.230 --> 00:24:59.110
that Dee Dee and I are not getting out of this alive.
00:24:59.110 --> 00:25:03.030
(clapping)
00:25:03.030 --> 00:25:07.130
That doesn't mean I'm going to kill it.
00:25:07.130 --> 00:25:09.060
Some of y'all looking.
00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:11.070
That simply means I value what God
00:25:13.180 --> 00:25:17.260
has put together, even unto death.
00:25:17.260 --> 00:25:22.260
It doesn't matter how we're getting along with one another.
00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:29.190
What matters the most is that I value
00:25:29.190 --> 00:25:32.160
covenant and I'm going to fix it.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:35.110
I'm going to fix it.
00:25:35.110 --> 00:25:36.260
Dee Dee I'm going to fix it.
00:25:36.260 --> 00:25:38.130
You just tell me what I need to do.
00:25:38.130 --> 00:25:40.150
I'm going to fix this.
00:25:40.150 --> 00:25:42.030
If I got a six, listen, next month
00:25:42.080 --> 00:25:45.150
you going to tell me I got a seven.
00:25:45.150 --> 00:25:48.000
No, I'm turned up.
00:25:50.010 --> 00:25:51.170
I'm on the grind.
00:25:52.060 --> 00:25:54.070
There's nothing more important to me than family.
00:25:54.160 --> 00:25:58.270
(clapping)
00:25:58.270 --> 00:26:02.050
You got to use even priority as a category.
00:26:03.180 --> 00:26:08.240
How much do you prioritize her?
00:26:11.070 --> 00:26:14.180
Dee Dee said, "What are you going to do today?"
00:26:17.050 --> 00:26:19.030
Automatically in my mind, it's like,
00:26:20.040 --> 00:26:23.150
"Oh, what, nothing; you want me to do something?"
00:26:24.000 --> 00:26:27.200
I'm erasing and eradicating everything
00:26:28.030 --> 00:26:33.050
that's on my agenda to convey to her,
00:26:33.050 --> 00:26:36.180
in every way, you are numero uno.
00:26:36.180 --> 00:26:41.210
(upbeat guitar and drum music)
00:26:42.220 --> 00:26:48.060
Voiceover: Thank you for viewing marriage made easy.
00:26:49.180 --> 00:26:52.050
If you would like to obtain a copy of today's
00:26:52.050 --> 00:26:54.060
lesson or any other featured item,
00:26:54.060 --> 00:26:56.210
please give us a call at 1-888-630-4540.
00:26:56.210 --> 00:27:03.030
Voiceover: We came to give God some praise.
00:27:11.070 --> 00:27:13.070
Voiceover: Michael Freeman presents
00:27:16.120 --> 00:27:17.160
Voices of Faith and Praise and their
00:27:17.160 --> 00:27:19.270
much anticipated debut CD worship experience, We Win.
00:27:19.270 --> 00:27:25.030
(upbeat gospel music)
00:27:25.030 --> 00:27:33.160
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00:27:33.160 --> 00:27:35.250
Featuring Grammy award winning,
00:27:35.250 --> 00:27:37.240
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00:27:37.240 --> 00:27:41.090
(upbeat gospel music)
00:27:41.110 --> 00:27:49.230
We Win is guaranteed to give you
00:27:49.230 --> 00:27:51.140
an encounter with God that will cause
00:27:51.140 --> 00:27:53.210
an unforgettable experience.
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Rob: Whatever it is that you're going through,
00:27:56.010 --> 00:27:57.020
just understand that you win.
00:27:57.020 --> 00:27:58.160
At the end of the day, get it in your mind that you win.
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:00.230
It's going to manifest.
00:28:00.230 --> 00:28:02.100
Dr. Mike: Some people you got to convince that they win.
00:28:02.100 --> 00:28:04.210
I already know we win.
00:28:04.210 --> 00:28:06.130
That song just resonated.
00:28:06.130 --> 00:28:08.250
Voiceover: Order your copy today at 888-630-4540.
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00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:22.230
(upbeat gospel music)
00:28:22.230 --> 00:28:23.230

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How to Rate Your Marriage

How to Rate Your Marriage

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How to Rate Your Marriage

How to Rate Your Marriage

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