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How to Rate Your Marriage

November 30, 2016

28:29

Living by Faith with Mike & DeeDee Freeman

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How to Rate Your Marriage

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Mike: On a scale from one to 10,
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I need you to rate your marriage.
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10 being the greatest.
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I need you to rate from one to 10.
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Rate your marriage or your relationship,
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even as single.
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Give me a number, don't let them see your number.
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Here's the law of destination.
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The law of destination says firstly,
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you must what?
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You must locate yourself.
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You must know where you are.
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Regardless of where the place happens to be,
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if you don't know where you are ...
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I'm preaching better than y'all saying "amen".
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You'll never know how to get there.
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This is just for identification purpose only.
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This is not to put anybody down,
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because some of the brothers going to have
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nine and a half. (laughter)
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And your wife going to have three. (laughter)
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Because here's my style.
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If I can't put but seven on that paper,
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that is a personal insult to me.
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You don't understand.
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It's not an insult in the sense that I'm disappointed
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about where I am saying seven.
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I know I can do so much better, so I'm going
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to use this seven and I'm going to go to her
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and I'll say, "Okay, how do I become eight?"
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So, most men are grading their marriages
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higher than their wives.
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Voiceover: Today on Marriage Made EZ.
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Mike: Your wife is trying to tell you
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one of the reasons why she may say a lower number
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simply because of your associates.
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Your associate is a threat to your relationship.
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Insecurity is a birthed out of that wrong relationship.
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(upbeat music)
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(lyrics) We're going to make marriage easy
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Mike: It doesn't matter how we're getting along
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with one another.
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What matters the most is that I value convenant
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and I'm going to fix it.
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I'm going to fix it, DeeDee, I'm going to fix it.
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You just tell me what I need to do.
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I'm going to fix this.
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If I got a six, listen, next month,
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you're going to tell me I got a seven. (laughter)
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No, I'm turned up.
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I'm on the grind.
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There's nothing more important to me than family.
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(applause)
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See, because you got to use even priority as a category.
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How much do you prioritize her?
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DeeDee say, "What you going to do today?"
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Automatically in my mind, it's like, "Oh, what, nothing!
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"You want me to do something?"
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I'm erasing and eradicating everything
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that's on my agenda to convey to her in every way,
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you are numero uno.
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Are you hearing what I'm telling you?
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Man, some of the partners and my sons in ministry
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just bought me this new Range Rover.
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The thing is off the hook, mucho gracias. (laughter)
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Me el jefe, the boss. (laughter)
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I was in the thing and I was presetting the stations
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and DeeDee just cold all the time [unintelligible].
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She jumped in the truck, "I'm cold, can you turn on my seat?"
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"Turn on your seat, yeah, but I'm presetting this.
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"I'm presetting the station, I'm right in the middle
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"presetting the station."
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And Holy Spirit said, "Is that showing her she's first?"
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No, I'm tackling every area.
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When she wants you to come home
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and there's just a little more to do at work
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and you stay at work, you just told her.
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Lord Jesus.
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Some of y'all ladies looking at me now,
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"Leave him alone about that." (laughter)
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But dig this.
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That at least should be discussed.
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So, category.
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Family meetings, what's your number in that category?
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How did you come to six?
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Anybody can say, "Well, we're not so bad."
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You really don't know how bad or good you are
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until you sit down and you're examining
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all of these categories, because you can come up
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with a fictitious number that gives some kind
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of facade or veneer as being a great representation
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of your relationship.
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But if you start going through each one of them,
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you may not be coming up with the overall correct
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and accurate number.
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I'm after accuracy.
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You can get it.
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Come on, talk to me.
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DeeDee: I'd like to know, as far as the men,
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how do men rate their relationship different
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from women, from their wives?
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What causes that?
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Mike: You all are so emotional.
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You're just so, you're so ...
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(laughter)
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complex and so many ...
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The dichotomy and the complexities of your makeup.
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You stress about every ...
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We just kind of take it and, "Oh, it ain't that bad."
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The house is ablaze.
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"Calm down." (laughter)
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I'm going to get to it, I'm going to call about it.
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You're running around here. (laughter)
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Men: Amen.
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DeeDee: Oh, that's funny.
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Because I want -
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Mike: We don't get into where you all are.
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That's what creates all of who we can be.
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DeeDee: That's what creates us having two different numbers.
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(applause and laughter)
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I got them.
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No, but, because -
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Mike: And that's what creates two different numbers.
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DeeDee: Because you don't get into that.
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Mike: We don't see it like you all see it.
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You all are just jump about everything.
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It ain't the end of the world right now.
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It is not the end of the world.
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The world is not going to go anywhere
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because I haven't been home in three days. (laughter)
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DeeDee: And a big slip is on the door saying
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you're about to be evicted. (laughter)
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Mike: Trust me, baby.
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DeeDee: You're going to make it happen.
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Mike: And that's why God has so equipped us
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with the dynamic of this oneness,
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because she brings a part to my life
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that if I pay attention to, I can be all together
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what God intended, because she possesses a part
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DeeDee: That's good.
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Mike: And the Bible says I obtain favor,
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but I got to get in to know her
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and what her cries are, what her fears are,
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what her insecurities are, so I can now transition
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into becoming all I should become,
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because now I'm relatable. (applause)
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She's sitting around.
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I'm going to get you a coupon. (laughter)
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I have watched so many women hurt so bad
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and the guy says, "Man, that's just her.
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"She's just got problems."
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What?
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Mister, whatever problem she have
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Audience: You have. Mike: You have.
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And until you're willing to get into where she is.
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Now, let me help you with something,
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because I want to go somewhere really quick
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to help you, because time is just really lapsing here.
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One of the ways, you guys chime in here,
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one of the ways that I instantly transitioned my marriage
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is by having a man and a woman of God
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in my life that I value.
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Okay, talk to me.
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What does that mean?
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DeeDee: No, that's right, because we begin
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to have, I was getting ready to say value,
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but of course we value their relationship,
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but we made ourself accountable to somebody else
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and that accountability will cause you to want
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to do things right in your relationship,
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because you don't want to look a certain way to them.
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Pastor Mike and I both, I know for me, I don't do fake,
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I don't do phony and I had to tell him that,
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because I used to do fake and I used to do phony,
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but I hated that, because it was killing me on the inside.
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So, I begin to tell him, "Okay, if we're going to do this thing,
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"we're going to have to find somebody
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"that we can really follow and we can begin to model after."
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Mike: Mimic. DeeDee: To mimic.
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Mike: Imitate, emulate.
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Alec, just talk, tell me something.
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Alec: You're right.
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There's two points I'd like to make, Pastor, if I could.
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We begin, you always say, "Hang around those
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"that have your answers, don't hang around
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"those that have your problem."
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One of the main -
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Mike: Say that one more time.
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Alec: Hang around those that have your answers,
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don't hang around those that have your problem.
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Mike: Say that one more time.
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Alec: Hang around those that have your answer,
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don't hang around those that have your problem.
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Mike: I literally say, "Get away from those
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"who have your problem."
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Get away from those who have your problem,
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because whomever you hang out with,
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you will soon become like.
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Your wife is trying to tell you one of the reasons
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why she may say a lower number simply is
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because of your associates.
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Your associate is a threat to your relationship.
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Insecurity is birthed out of that wrong relationship.
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She knows Raheem is messing -
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(chuckles) Raheem (laughter)
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He's no good, but yet, that's your partner,
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that's your friend, we've been together
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long before I've known you.
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Well, now you're conveying to her that she's number two,
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because if this one doesn't like me being with anyone
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that anyone now is up for discussion
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and possibly eliminated.
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(upbeat music)
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Mike: Mike Mclaughlin, Olathe, Kansas.
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Sarah: I'm Sarah and I've been married
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24 years in December.
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Mike: I will say 10.5. (laughs)
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Sarah: I'd say definitely a 9, a very strong 9.
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I guess he could do more things. (laughs)
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If I didn't have to compromise so much,
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then maybe it would be a 10.
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Mike: It's like any other marriage,
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there are ups and downs and things like that,
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but God has put me with the right person
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and the opportunities, even when things are down,
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it's still a great thing at the end of the day
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to be married to Sarah and I have the great kids we do,
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so that's why.
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(upbeat music)
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Mike: Because if this one doesn't like me being
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with anyone, that anyone now is up for discussion
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and possibly eliminated.
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I want to know why, what are the reasons.
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Before I eliminate this relationship or this association,
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tell me why, allow me to know.
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Maybe it's something I can fix,
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but if it's something I can't fix
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and it's something that she perpetually dislikes, see you.
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I'm not getting any help out here. (laughter)
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So, go on.
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Alec: So how our marriage went from good to great,
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I began to have -
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I've never in my life had anyone, A, to mentor me
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and I began to have a mentor,
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which is Dr. Richard Smith.
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That was one partner that I mentored that.
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He held me accountable.
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The second partner I had, I call them big brother, big sister.
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That'd be Elder Conrad and Minister Cindy,
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which if everybody has known them,
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they've never argued in their marriage
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and the way that -
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Mike: Do you believe that?
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Alec: Absolutely, I see it in action.
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Mike: Stand, Conrad and Cindy.
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They've been married for 21 years
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and in church one night, in church, they said
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they have never argued.
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Drop your stones, please. (laughter)
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I made light of it and I got in the car
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and Holy Spirit said, "What do you think was so funny?
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"Why are you making light of that?"
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Any time the Holy Spirit asks you a question,
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it is not because he doesn't know the answer. (laughter)
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You're about to learn something.
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Watch this [unintelligible]
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He said, "How long you known Dr. Price?"
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"Uh.17, 18 years."
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He said, "When have you ever argued with him?"
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I said, "Never."
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He said, "You know why?
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"Because you want to maintain a certain impression
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"with him, but you'll say anything out of your mouth
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"to DeeDee, because you're not interested
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"in impressing her every day.
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"That's why you can go and say whatever you want
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"to say to her, but when it comes to your pastor,
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"somebody who's not even in covenant with you for life,
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"you're giving him more honor than you're giving
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"the one that I said that was first place."
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Listen, I've never argued with her since.
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Watch this.
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We've been married for -
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How long we've been married?
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DeeDee: It'll be 29 years this year.
00:17:29.110 --> 00:17:31.180
Mike: We've been married for 29 years this year
00:17:31.180 --> 00:17:35.070
and watch this and that only stopped three years ago.
00:17:35.070 --> 00:17:40.080
"Well, what've you been doing all the rest of the time?
00:17:46.090 --> 00:17:48.240
What do you think? (laughter)
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:52.080
DeeDee: But I didn't argue, you argued.
00:17:59.050 --> 00:18:03.270
Mike: We're about to argue about that. (laughter)
00:18:03.270 --> 00:18:06.280
No, I was just making light.
00:18:10.220 --> 00:18:12.280
I've always been the one, because I like things a certain way.
00:18:13.120 --> 00:18:18.230
I'm demonstrative in a certain pragmatic -
00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:24.130
There's just some things.
00:18:24.130 --> 00:18:25.280
You just saw it in the [sound].
00:18:25.280 --> 00:18:27.160
What?
00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:29.180
Ain't no mean a thing out of it
00:18:31.230 --> 00:18:34.090
and she had to get know that part of me,
00:18:34.170 --> 00:18:38.120
but I didn't know, just a fool, just cutting up,
00:18:38.120 --> 00:18:41.010
but I got the revelation of the thing.
00:18:41.010 --> 00:18:44.160
Let me tell you something right now.
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:46.230
That one word was worth your coming.
00:18:46.230 --> 00:18:49.180
(applause)
00:18:49.180 --> 00:18:52.010
Look at the person you're here with.
00:18:52.010 --> 00:18:54.290
Say, "Guess what." (audience repeats)
00:18:54.290 --> 00:18:56.170
From this moment forward. (audience repeats)
00:18:56.170 --> 00:18:58.170
We are never, ever (audience repeats)
00:18:58.170 --> 00:19:02.040
arguing again. (audience repeats)
00:19:02.040 --> 00:19:05.060
You got my word.
00:19:05.060 --> 00:19:06.160
Tell them you've got my word. (audience repeats)
00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:08.240
Come on, pinky promise. (laughter)
00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:10.050
Come on, pinky promise.
00:19:10.050 --> 00:19:14.100
Come on, you got to seal the deal.
00:19:14.100 --> 00:19:16.270
You got to seal the deal.
00:19:16.270 --> 00:19:19.010
Come on, bring it up top, seal the deal. (laughter)
00:19:19.010 --> 00:19:23.020
Come on, did you seal it?
00:19:23.040 --> 00:19:25.040
Come on, put a little saliva on it. (laughter)
00:19:25.260 --> 00:19:29.080
DeeDee: You way over the top. (laughing)
00:19:31.070 --> 00:19:34.160
Mike: You know what [Hef] does?
00:19:36.140 --> 00:19:39.110
[Dartanian] look, I decided that I was going to do
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:47.200
what I perceived Dr. Price to do.
00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:52.220
Now, he may have been cussing Dr. Betty out,
00:19:53.040 --> 00:19:56.250
but I gave him the benefit of every doubt
00:19:57.100 --> 00:20:00.230
and I said I'm going to do what I think he would do.
00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:06.210
Oh, you all may be seated.
00:20:09.190 --> 00:20:11.150
Changed my life forever.
00:20:11.150 --> 00:20:17.140
(laughs) This may be a dangerous question to ask.
00:20:20.190 --> 00:20:24.060
How many of you all got me smoking weed?
00:20:24.180 --> 00:20:28.050
(laughter)
00:20:28.090 --> 00:20:32.040
DeeDee: I raised my hand on you.
00:20:32.040 --> 00:20:33.060
Mike: I'm talking about now.
00:20:33.060 --> 00:20:35.190
I said, "How many of y'all?"
00:20:35.290 --> 00:20:37.140
No, for real, how many of y'all got me smoking weed?
00:20:37.140 --> 00:20:41.200
How many of you all got me hanging out in clubs,
00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:44.040
drinking, getting drunk, hanging out with women?
00:20:44.040 --> 00:20:47.030
How many of y'all, you have me cussing Dr. DeeDee out?
00:20:47.030 --> 00:20:50.200
How many of y'all have me?
00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:52.070
No, really, raise your hand if you have me in that.
00:20:52.070 --> 00:20:56.040
How many of y'all got me whooping her, slapping her,
00:20:56.040 --> 00:20:59.010
beating her?
00:20:59.010 --> 00:21:00.060
How many of y'all have -
00:21:00.060 --> 00:21:02.100
Watch this, because you don't have me in your mind
00:21:02.100 --> 00:21:07.150
and you don't even know me.
00:21:07.150 --> 00:21:09.220
DeeDee: That's good.
00:21:09.220 --> 00:21:10.280
Mike: You don't know what the heck I'm doing,
00:21:10.280 --> 00:21:13.030
but you got in your mind and you don't have me doing
00:21:13.030 --> 00:21:15.280
any of those things, all I did was what I had Dr. Price doing.
00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:21.230
Audience: Amen.
00:21:21.230 --> 00:21:23.180
Mike: This is just ...
00:21:25.050 --> 00:21:27.050
Okay, but let me give you some scripture.
00:21:27.050 --> 00:21:29.040
We'll get back.
00:21:29.040 --> 00:21:30.100
Let me give you two scripture references
00:21:30.100 --> 00:21:31.240
and then I'll let them go.
00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:33.210
Give me that Hebrews 6:12.
00:21:33.210 --> 00:21:36.050
"Don't drag your feet.
00:21:37.110 --> 00:21:39.120
"Be like those who do," what?
00:21:39.250 --> 00:21:42.120
Audience: "Stay the course."
00:21:42.120 --> 00:21:43.200
Mike: With what?
00:21:43.200 --> 00:21:44.220
Audience: "Committed faith."
00:21:44.220 --> 00:21:46.000
Mike: "Committed faith and get everything,"
00:21:46.000 --> 00:21:50.140
Audience: "Promised to them."
00:21:50.140 --> 00:21:53.030
Mike: Here's the one you really need to see.
00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:56.220
First Thessalonians, go there.
00:21:56.220 --> 00:21:58.160
Chapter number one.
00:21:58.160 --> 00:22:00.180
Come on, Brother Richard.
00:22:00.180 --> 00:22:02.260
What verse are we starting?
00:22:02.260 --> 00:22:04.050
DeeDee: Five.
00:22:04.050 --> 00:22:05.180
Mike: Verse five, I think it's before that.
00:22:05.180 --> 00:22:08.030
DeeDee: We started at -
00:22:08.110 --> 00:22:09.090
Richard: Verses four and three.
00:22:09.090 --> 00:22:10.230
DeeDee: Four and three.
00:22:10.230 --> 00:22:11.200
Mike: Let me see.
00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:14.150
Go down, go up, go up, go up.
00:22:18.040 --> 00:22:20.250
Give me two.
00:22:21.070 --> 00:22:23.000
First Thessalonians, Chapter number one, verse number two.
00:22:23.290 --> 00:22:28.020
Watch this.
00:22:28.240 --> 00:22:30.030
We do what?
00:22:30.030 --> 00:22:31.200
Audience: Give thanks.
00:22:31.200 --> 00:22:32.190
Mike: To God for what?
00:22:32.190 --> 00:22:33.260
Audience: [unintelligible]
00:22:33.260 --> 00:22:36.120
Mike: No, no, give me Message Bible.
00:22:36.120 --> 00:22:40.040
That's good stuff.
00:22:43.110 --> 00:22:45.040
Here we go, 1:2.
00:22:45.180 --> 00:22:47.070
"Every time we think of you,"
00:22:47.070 --> 00:22:51.050
Audience: "We thank God for you."
00:22:51.050 --> 00:22:52.120
Mike: Would you do that for me?
00:22:52.120 --> 00:22:54.140
I said would you do that for me?
00:22:54.140 --> 00:22:55.230
Audience: Yes.
00:22:55.230 --> 00:22:56.280
Mike: I said would you do that for me?
00:22:56.280 --> 00:22:57.230
Audience: Yes.
00:22:57.230 --> 00:22:59.070
Mike: I'm saying every time you think of Mike and DeeDee
00:22:59.070 --> 00:23:02.040
would you just thank God for us?
00:23:02.040 --> 00:23:03.190
Audience: Amen.
00:23:03.190 --> 00:23:04.240
Mike: I asked you a question.
00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:06.070
Audience: Yes!
00:23:06.070 --> 00:23:07.130
Mike: Watch this.
00:23:07.130 --> 00:23:08.290
"Day and night, you're in our," what?
00:23:08.290 --> 00:23:12.030
Audience: "Prayers."
00:23:12.030 --> 00:23:13.020
Mike: Here we go.
00:23:13.020 --> 00:23:15.040
"As we," what?
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:17.050
All: "Call to mind your work of faith, your labor of love,
00:23:17.050 --> 00:23:22.230
"and your patience of hope in following,"
00:23:22.230 --> 00:23:27.000
Audience: "Our Master, Jesus Christ."
00:23:27.000 --> 00:23:29.230
Mike: Watch this.
00:23:29.230 --> 00:23:31.070
"It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you
00:23:31.070 --> 00:23:36.030
"very much but also has put his hand on you
00:23:36.030 --> 00:23:41.200
"for something special.
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:45.020
"When the Message," watch this, "we preached came to you,
00:23:45.070 --> 00:23:50.210
"it wasn't just words."
00:23:50.240 --> 00:23:53.230
(applause) No, this can't just be words to y'all.
00:23:53.230 --> 00:24:00.120
Audience Member: Amen, Pastor.
00:24:00.120 --> 00:24:02.090
Mike: It wasn't just words.
00:24:02.090 --> 00:24:05.010
All: "Something happened in you."
00:24:05.010 --> 00:24:08.230
Mike: You should become the word that you're hearing.
00:24:08.230 --> 00:24:14.180
(applause)
00:24:14.180 --> 00:24:17.210
I am a man of God who loves his wife like Christ
00:24:17.210 --> 00:24:22.180
and a seven and eight and a nine is unacceptable.
00:24:22.210 --> 00:24:28.020
"Something happened in you."
00:24:30.130 --> 00:24:33.000
"The Holy Spirit put steel,"
00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:39.150
We didn't say plastic.
00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:42.230
You break every time somebody say something to you.
00:24:43.110 --> 00:24:47.170
We didn't say fiberglass, we didn't say aluminum.
00:24:47.170 --> 00:24:52.030
Steel.
00:24:52.030 --> 00:24:54.040
"You paid careful attention to the way we lived
00:24:54.290 --> 00:25:01.070
"among you, and determined to live,"
00:25:01.070 --> 00:25:07.020
Oh Lord Jesus.
00:25:07.020 --> 00:25:09.040
Come on, somebody. (cheering)
00:25:11.010 --> 00:25:13.280
If Dr. DeeDee and I have this blessed marriage
00:25:16.210 --> 00:25:20.090
and we got some 10s in here, it is apparent
00:25:20.090 --> 00:25:24.170
that 10 is attainable.
00:25:24.170 --> 00:25:27.170
Audience: Amen.
00:25:27.170 --> 00:25:29.270
Mike: Now why don't you have one?
00:25:31.030 --> 00:25:33.260
(upbeat music)
00:25:35.030 --> 00:25:39.020
(lyrics) We're going to make marriage easy
00:25:39.020 --> 00:25:43.180
Voiceover: Thank you for viewing Marriage Made EZ.
00:25:44.180 --> 00:25:47.060
If you would like to obtain a copy of today's lesson
00:25:47.060 --> 00:25:49.280
or any other featured item, please give us a call
00:25:49.280 --> 00:25:52.230
at 1-888-630-4540.
00:25:52.230 --> 00:25:58.010
(adventurous music)
00:25:59.190 --> 00:26:05.030
Voiceover: We came to give God some praise.
00:26:06.060 --> 00:26:08.280
Voiceover: Michael Freeman presents Voices of Faith & Praise
00:26:11.060 --> 00:26:14.220
in their much anticipated debut CD worship experience, We Win.
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("We Win" by Voices of Faith & Praise)
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Voiceover: 12 powerful and anointed songs
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and featuring Grammy award-winning
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("Lord You Said" by Karen Clark Sheard)
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We win is guaranteed to give you an encounter with God
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that will cause an unforgettable experience.
00:26:47.290 --> 00:26:50.260
Rob: Whatever it is that you're going through,
00:26:50.260 --> 00:26:52.030
just understand that you win.
00:26:52.030 --> 00:26:53.160
At the end of the day, if you get it in your mind
00:26:53.160 --> 00:26:55.000
that you win, it's going to manifest.
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:57.000
Mike: See, some people you got to convince that they win.
00:26:57.000 --> 00:26:59.190
I already know we win.
00:26:59.190 --> 00:27:01.120
So that song just resonates.
00:27:01.120 --> 00:27:03.250
("We Win" by Voices of Faith & Praise)
00:27:03.250 --> 00:27:06.180
Voiceover: Order your copy today at 1-888-630-4540.
00:27:06.180 --> 00:27:12.250
That's 1-888-630-4540.
00:27:12.250 --> 00:27:18.000
("We Win" by Voices of Faith & Praise)
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:23.020
- Hey, why don't you come and hang out
00:27:47.020 --> 00:27:48.230
with us on Periscope sometime?
00:27:48.230 --> 00:27:51.130
That is a very intimate way to get to know DeeDee and I.
00:27:51.130 --> 00:27:55.110
I mean, she is just off the hook.
00:27:55.110 --> 00:27:57.240
She behaves pretty well
00:27:57.240 --> 00:27:59.150
when we're on television,
00:27:59.150 --> 00:28:01.150
but there are moments where we have on Periscope
00:28:01.150 --> 00:28:05.040
that are so intimate and so engaging.
00:28:05.040 --> 00:28:07.260
And if you're not following us,
00:28:07.260 --> 00:28:09.230
you need to follow us on Periscope
00:28:09.230 --> 00:28:12.150
to see some of the behind the scene antics
00:28:12.150 --> 00:28:15.210
- [DeeDee] See how he acts. - of this one.
00:28:15.210 --> 00:28:17.130
Absolutely.
00:28:17.130 --> 00:28:18.150
So, join us.
00:28:18.150 --> 00:28:19.220
I'll see you on Periscope.
00:28:19.220 --> 00:28:21.110

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How to Rate Your Marriage

How to Rate Your Marriage

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How to Rate Your Marriage

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