Happily Ever After?
October 11, 2020
27:29
It Is Written seeks to impact lives for Christ.
Closed captions
Happily Ever After?
Show timecode
Hide timecode
- ♪[Theme music]♪
- 00:00:00.023 --> 00:00:06.029
- -John Bradshaw:This is It Is Written.
- 00:00:19.542 --> 00:00:21.311
- I'm John Bradshaw.Thanks for joining me.
- 00:00:21.344 --> 00:00:23.947
- Everybody has dreams,and we like to think
- 00:00:23.980 --> 00:00:26.249
- that our dreams come true,but they don't always.
- 00:00:26.282 --> 00:00:29.719
- What happens when you havedreams, big dreams, life goals,
- 00:00:29.752 --> 00:00:33.423
- and those dreams comecrashing down around you?
- 00:00:33.456 --> 00:00:37.327
- And when they do, what then?
- 00:00:37.360 --> 00:00:39.362
- Is God able to give backto you what was taken away?
- 00:00:39.395 --> 00:00:43.867
- My special guest todayis Juliet Van Heerden.
- 00:00:43.900 --> 00:00:47.003
- She is an author,public speaker.
- 00:00:47.036 --> 00:00:49.072
- She is a teacher andthe wife of a pastor.
- 00:00:49.105 --> 00:00:52.108
- Juliet's story is a storyexperienced by many people
- 00:00:52.142 --> 00:00:56.546
- all around the world.
- 00:00:56.579 --> 00:00:57.814
- Juliet, thanks for joining metoday and sharing your story.
- 00:00:57.847 --> 00:00:59.949
- I appreciate you being here.
- 00:00:59.983 --> 00:01:01.417
- -Juliet Van Heerden:Thank you for the invitation.
- 00:01:01.451 --> 00:01:02.986
- -John: Hey, let's go backto about where you think
- 00:01:03.019 --> 00:01:06.623
- the beginning is.
- 00:01:06.656 --> 00:01:07.690
- Where does your story--it's a fascinating story;
- 00:01:07.724 --> 00:01:09.726
- it's a moving story,a very powerful story,
- 00:01:09.759 --> 00:01:12.862
- and a story that's goingto impact a lot of lives
- 00:01:12.896 --> 00:01:15.331
- as you share it.
- 00:01:15.365 --> 00:01:16.232
- So where doesthis story begin?
- 00:01:16.266 --> 00:01:18.701
- -Juliet: I grew up ina Christian, um, family,
- 00:01:18.735 --> 00:01:21.437
- Christian home.
- 00:01:21.471 --> 00:01:22.438
- My mom is a very, um,devout Christian woman.
- 00:01:22.472 --> 00:01:27.110
- But I am theproduct of divorce,
- 00:01:27.143 --> 00:01:29.179
- and my parentsdivorced when I was four.
- 00:01:29.212 --> 00:01:32.448
- And then when I was 14, um,there was another divorce.
- 00:01:32.482 --> 00:01:36.753
- And so I was a child whoexperienced the feelings
- 00:01:36.786 --> 00:01:40.924
- of abandonment and the ideathat happily ever after
- 00:01:40.957 --> 00:01:47.497
- doesn't alwaysturn out that way.
- 00:01:47.530 --> 00:01:49.599
- And I made a vowto myself as a child
- 00:01:49.632 --> 00:01:52.769
- that I would never get divorced.
- 00:01:52.802 --> 00:01:56.306
- And I didn't want that legacy,
- 00:01:56.339 --> 00:01:58.942
- and that was a promisethat I made to myself
- 00:01:58.975 --> 00:02:02.779
- and really ended uptrying very hard to keep.
- 00:02:02.812 --> 00:02:05.915
- -John: So, as you werejourneying through life
- 00:02:05.949 --> 00:02:09.252
- towards the fulfillment ofall your plans and dreams,
- 00:02:09.285 --> 00:02:12.388
- where did that journey take you?
- 00:02:12.422 --> 00:02:14.023
- -Juliet: I graduatedfrom college,
- 00:02:14.057 --> 00:02:17.327
- and I thought that I wasbeing left behind
- 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:20.296
- as I was the bridesmaidin several weddings
- 00:02:20.330 --> 00:02:23.766
- and not the bride.
- 00:02:23.800 --> 00:02:25.668
- And so I feel like probablyI rushed God a little bit
- 00:02:25.702 --> 00:02:31.107
- and pushed ahead andchose a mate for myself
- 00:02:31.140 --> 00:02:36.512
- that might not havebeen the mate
- 00:02:36.546 --> 00:02:37.880
- He would havechosen for me.
- 00:02:37.914 --> 00:02:40.283
- -John: Walk, walk throughthat dynamic with me.
- 00:02:40.316 --> 00:02:42.352
- You got married along the way.
- 00:02:42.385 --> 00:02:44.554
- Tell me how that,how that came to be.
- 00:02:44.587 --> 00:02:46.089
- Tell me about the circumstancesaround your marriage.
- 00:02:46.122 --> 00:02:48.758
- -Juliet: I ended up makinga decision to marry a person
- 00:02:48.791 --> 00:02:53.062
- that I probably would nothave consciously chosen,
- 00:02:53.096 --> 00:02:58.701
- but sometimes, as a youngperson, we'll make a compromise.
- 00:02:58.735 --> 00:03:03.273
- And I tell young peoplewhen I speak to them,
- 00:03:03.306 --> 00:03:05.375
- "Be careful who you date.
- 00:03:05.408 --> 00:03:06.809
- Be careful who yougo on one date with
- 00:03:06.843 --> 00:03:08.878
- because that person mightend up being the person
- 00:03:08.911 --> 00:03:10.880
- you spend the restof your life with."
- 00:03:10.913 --> 00:03:12.849
- And I tell my students,"Do your homework,"
- 00:03:12.882 --> 00:03:14.517
- but I didn't do mine,
- 00:03:14.550 --> 00:03:15.818
- and I did not even knowwhat questions to ask
- 00:03:15.852 --> 00:03:19.589
- a potential spouse.
- 00:03:19.622 --> 00:03:21.291
- I didn't, um, I justdidn't research.
- 00:03:21.324 --> 00:03:25.595
- I took everything at face value.I was a very trusting person.
- 00:03:25.628 --> 00:03:28.831
- -John: I remembersaying to my fiancée,
- 00:03:28.865 --> 00:03:32.935
- "Check me out; do your homework.
- 00:03:32.969 --> 00:03:35.571
- Go and talk to the people whomake up the fabric of my life."
- 00:03:35.605 --> 00:03:38.608
- -Juliet: That's right.
- 00:03:38.641 --> 00:03:39.742
- -John: I was scared to deathwhen she actually did.
- 00:03:39.776 --> 00:03:41.577
- -Juliet: [Laughs]Ah, but it's good.
- 00:03:41.611 --> 00:03:44.347
- -John: When she did thatand then said "I do"
- 00:03:44.380 --> 00:03:46.349
- was one of the biggestsurprises of my life, but...
- 00:03:46.382 --> 00:03:48.351
- So that's the sort of thingyou're talking about, right?
- 00:03:48.384 --> 00:03:49.986
- -Juliet: Mm-hm.Accountability.
- 00:03:50.019 --> 00:03:51.254
- -John: Yeah.
- 00:03:51.287 --> 00:03:52.455
- So how do you marry someonewithout really knowing them?
- 00:03:52.488 --> 00:03:54.791
- You did.
- 00:03:54.824 --> 00:03:56.059
- -Juliet: Right. Well, I mean,you get caught up in the moment.
- 00:03:56.092 --> 00:03:59.162
- You, you believe a person.
- 00:03:59.195 --> 00:04:00.697
- You take, you take whatyou see at this moment,
- 00:04:00.730 --> 00:04:03.633
- and you don't realizethat there's something
- 00:04:03.666 --> 00:04:06.669
- behind what you see.
- 00:04:06.703 --> 00:04:08.171
- So, I mean, I just felt,I felt excited that someone
- 00:04:08.204 --> 00:04:12.241
- was interested in me,that they, um, enjoyed
- 00:04:12.275 --> 00:04:15.345
- some of the same thingsthat I enjoyed.
- 00:04:15.378 --> 00:04:17.613
- Yes, we had a little bitdifferent, um, background,
- 00:04:17.647 --> 00:04:20.516
- but I was an optimist.
- 00:04:20.550 --> 00:04:22.885
- I thought that whateverwasn't just right
- 00:04:22.919 --> 00:04:27.056
- I could make right.
- 00:04:27.090 --> 00:04:28.658
- And, um, I recently heard asermon where, uh, someone said
- 00:04:28.691 --> 00:04:34.330
- women need, need to notthink of men as projects,
- 00:04:34.364 --> 00:04:38.634
- and men need to not thinkof women as possessions.
- 00:04:38.668 --> 00:04:42.405
- And, um, I think I,I like a project,
- 00:04:42.438 --> 00:04:47.076
- and so that might havebeen part of it, um,
- 00:04:47.110 --> 00:04:50.446
- a challenge that, you know, youcan, you can change a person.
- 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:54.150
- -John: So in your experienceyou discovered
- 00:04:54.183 --> 00:04:56.185
- you can't change a person?
- 00:04:56.219 --> 00:04:57.387
- -Juliet: No.
- 00:04:57.420 --> 00:04:58.154
- -John: Did you try?
- 00:04:58.187 --> 00:04:59.222
- -Juliet: Oh, yes.
- 00:04:59.255 --> 00:04:59.922
- -John: How did you try?
- 00:04:59.956 --> 00:05:00.923
- -Juliet: Mm. [Laughs ruefully]I manipulated.
- 00:05:00.957 --> 00:05:03.059
- I, I tried tocontrol the person.
- 00:05:03.092 --> 00:05:05.595
- I tried to, um, forcethem into my mold.
- 00:05:05.628 --> 00:05:08.898
- And you can't take a personwho is who they are
- 00:05:08.931 --> 00:05:12.368
- and try to make them someonethat you want them to be.
- 00:05:12.402 --> 00:05:15.938
- But when I realizedthings weren't exactly,
- 00:05:15.972 --> 00:05:18.741
- um, happily ever after for me,
- 00:05:18.775 --> 00:05:21.811
- I, I was really trying very hardto make this person fit into,
- 00:05:21.844 --> 00:05:26.115
- into what I thought was the moldfor a good Christian husband.
- 00:05:26.149 --> 00:05:30.753
- -John: So you've got toaccept some imperfections,
- 00:05:30.787 --> 00:05:34.390
- some limitations--right?--
- 00:05:34.424 --> 00:05:36.559
- -Juliet: Of course.
- 00:05:36.592 --> 00:05:37.226
- -John: ...in a person.
- 00:05:37.260 --> 00:05:38.294
- But there are some thingsyou should never accept
- 00:05:38.327 --> 00:05:41.697
- and think that you're goingto be able to change.
- 00:05:41.731 --> 00:05:44.000
- How do we knowwhere that line is?
- 00:05:44.033 --> 00:05:45.935
- -Juliet: Well, knowingourselves is important,
- 00:05:45.968 --> 00:05:48.738
- you know, knowing, knowing whatI can live with and what I,
- 00:05:48.771 --> 00:05:52.442
- what I can't, becauseno one's perfect.
- 00:05:52.475 --> 00:05:55.178
- I mean, I wasn't a perfect, um,spouse or a perfect person,
- 00:05:55.211 --> 00:05:59.849
- either, and I didn't,um, I really just,
- 00:05:59.882 --> 00:06:03.586
- I wasn't sure what to dowith the things that I saw
- 00:06:03.619 --> 00:06:08.090
- that weren't right,
- 00:06:08.124 --> 00:06:09.358
- but I think honesty is like acore foundational, uh, piece.
- 00:06:09.392 --> 00:06:14.730
- If, if we have a questionabout a person's integrity
- 00:06:14.764 --> 00:06:18.334
- or about their honesty,or if we catch them in a lie
- 00:06:18.367 --> 00:06:21.404
- or something like that, thenwe really need to not brush--
- 00:06:21.437 --> 00:06:24.807
- I would say that to any woman--don't brush that under the rug.
- 00:06:24.841 --> 00:06:28.377
- Really have your radar up.
- 00:06:28.411 --> 00:06:29.812
- If you get that feelinglike something's fishy,
- 00:06:29.846 --> 00:06:32.181
- something's not right,follow through with that.
- 00:06:32.215 --> 00:06:35.284
- Don't ignore that.
- 00:06:35.318 --> 00:06:36.953
- Because if we are, if weare dealing with a person
- 00:06:36.986 --> 00:06:40.089
- who's not honest, then we'regoing to have serious problems.
- 00:06:40.122 --> 00:06:43.960
- -John: Now, if youdetect dishonesty
- 00:06:43.993 --> 00:06:46.963
- before you walkdown the aisle?
- 00:06:46.996 --> 00:06:48.998
- -Juliet: Run.
- 00:06:49.031 --> 00:06:50.333
- -John: If you detect it afteryou walk down the aisle,
- 00:06:50.366 --> 00:06:54.704
- what do we do then?
- 00:06:54.737 --> 00:06:56.339
- -Juliet: Pray.
- 00:06:56.372 --> 00:06:59.008
- [Laughs ruefully]It's--I experienced it.
- 00:06:59.041 --> 00:07:01.978
- I experienced it, shortlyafter I walked down the aisle.
- 00:07:02.011 --> 00:07:06.215
- Um, I was, I was able tocatch the person in the lie.
- 00:07:06.249 --> 00:07:11.587
- And it was devastating.
- 00:07:11.621 --> 00:07:13.623
- And I really didn'tknow what to do.
- 00:07:13.656 --> 00:07:15.458
- I wanted to undowhat I had done,
- 00:07:15.491 --> 00:07:18.561
- but remember the vowthat I made to myself:
- 00:07:18.594 --> 00:07:21.931
- I'm never goingto get divorced.
- 00:07:21.964 --> 00:07:23.699
- So what do I do?
- 00:07:23.733 --> 00:07:25.001
- Well, then you kick into this"I can change this person.
- 00:07:25.034 --> 00:07:29.205
- I can fix this person."
- 00:07:29.238 --> 00:07:30.940
- Uh, and your prayers become allabout "God change this person,"
- 00:07:30.973 --> 00:07:37.046
- and you forget that you'realso a broken person
- 00:07:37.079 --> 00:07:41.651
- in need of a Savior.
- 00:07:41.684 --> 00:07:43.152
- -John: You say the thingto do is to pray.
- 00:07:43.185 --> 00:07:45.154
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:07:45.187 --> 00:07:46.088
- -John: But I'm certainyou would advocate
- 00:07:46.122 --> 00:07:47.890
- some other concrete steps.
- 00:07:47.924 --> 00:07:49.725
- Who do you talk to?
- 00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:50.993
- I know it will, I know it willdepend on what your spouse
- 00:07:51.027 --> 00:07:54.263
- is involved in.
- 00:07:54.297 --> 00:07:55.398
- -Juliet: What'sgoing on, of course.
- 00:07:55.431 --> 00:07:56.732
- -John: But who are the typeof people you can turn to
- 00:07:56.766 --> 00:07:59.902
- when you're in a marriageand you think to yourself,
- 00:07:59.936 --> 00:08:02.171
- "Oh, my goodness, this isnot what I signed up for"?
- 00:08:02.204 --> 00:08:05.074
- -Juliet: No, I would definitelyfind a trusted, um, friend,
- 00:08:05.107 --> 00:08:09.211
- counselor.
- 00:08:09.245 --> 00:08:10.580
- Um, I advocate for recoverygroups and a support system
- 00:08:10.613 --> 00:08:15.284
- where, where wecan be transparent
- 00:08:15.318 --> 00:08:18.854
- about what's really going on.
- 00:08:18.888 --> 00:08:20.356
- I, I wish that I had been.
- 00:08:20.389 --> 00:08:21.958
- If I had been honest andtransparent and listened
- 00:08:21.991 --> 00:08:24.994
- to godly counsel, I might havemade some different decisions,
- 00:08:25.027 --> 00:08:28.230
- but I just walled up andkept everything close to me.
- 00:08:28.264 --> 00:08:33.469
- -John: How do you advisea young woman or a young man
- 00:08:33.502 --> 00:08:36.405
- who is staring the rest ofhis or her life in the face
- 00:08:36.439 --> 00:08:39.875
- and now realizing, uh-oh.
- 00:08:39.909 --> 00:08:42.645
- How do they go about extricatingthemselves from that?
- 00:08:42.678 --> 00:08:46.983
- -Juliet: Taking a breakfrom the intensity,
- 00:08:47.016 --> 00:08:49.785
- the emotional intensityof what's going on,
- 00:08:49.819 --> 00:08:52.154
- and sometimes if things arewrong, um, it's more intense.
- 00:08:52.188 --> 00:08:55.591
- There will be pressure from aperson to make a quick decision:
- 00:08:55.625 --> 00:08:59.195
- "Let's just do this."
- 00:08:59.228 --> 00:09:00.463
- You know, that's when you needto raise your eyebrow and go,
- 00:09:00.496 --> 00:09:02.732
- "Wait a second. We don'tneed to rush this thing."
- 00:09:02.765 --> 00:09:05.534
- If it's really a solidthing and a good thing,
- 00:09:05.568 --> 00:09:08.070
- it will still be there.
- 00:09:08.104 --> 00:09:09.639
- But give yourselfa moment to breathe,
- 00:09:09.672 --> 00:09:12.308
- to pray, to listento people you trust,
- 00:09:12.341 --> 00:09:16.278
- and, um, and come back and say,
- 00:09:16.312 --> 00:09:18.714
- "Is this, is this true?Or is this emotion I'm riding?"
- 00:09:18.748 --> 00:09:23.085
- -John: In just a moment,when we come back,
- 00:09:23.119 --> 00:09:24.620
- I wanna, I want to walk withyou through your experience,
- 00:09:24.654 --> 00:09:27.823
- your experiencethat led to divorce,
- 00:09:27.857 --> 00:09:29.492
- what went wrong, what mightyou have done better,
- 00:09:29.525 --> 00:09:32.762
- and, uh, in doing so, yourstory's going to be a help
- 00:09:32.795 --> 00:09:35.531
- and a blessing tomany other people.
- 00:09:35.564 --> 00:09:37.500
- We'll be right backwith my conversation
- 00:09:37.533 --> 00:09:39.602
- with Juliet Van Heerdenin just a moment.
- 00:09:39.635 --> 00:09:42.004
- ♪[Music]♪
- 00:09:42.038 --> 00:09:49.712
- -Announcer: Modern life makesforming relationships hard.
- 00:09:51.047 --> 00:09:53.649
- We crave a solidfamily life,
- 00:09:53.683 --> 00:09:55.217
- but oftentimes don't knowhow to create it.
- 00:09:55.251 --> 00:09:57.720
- This book can help.
- 00:09:57.753 --> 00:09:59.321
- "Hope for Today's Families"
- 00:09:59.355 --> 00:10:00.489
- walks you throughbuilding relationships,
- 00:10:00.523 --> 00:10:02.291
- communicating effectively,and forming bonds for eternity.
- 00:10:02.324 --> 00:10:05.227
- Get "Hope for Today's Families."
- 00:10:05.261 --> 00:10:07.329
- It's free.
- 00:10:07.363 --> 00:10:08.330
- Call800-253-3000
- 00:10:08.364 --> 00:10:11.767
- or visit us online today atiiwoffer.com.
- 00:10:11.801 --> 00:10:16.005
- Hope is just a call away:800-253-3000.
- 00:10:16.038 --> 00:10:20.710
- ♪[Soft piano music]♪
- 00:10:21.544 --> 00:10:26.348
- -Man 1: What does the Bible sayabout astrology?
- 00:10:26.382 --> 00:10:28.784
- -Man 2: Why do bad thingshappen to good people?
- 00:10:33.255 --> 00:10:36.525
- -Girl: What color is Jesus?
- 00:10:41.263 --> 00:10:44.433
- -John Bradshaw:If you have a question,
- 00:10:44.467 --> 00:10:45.434
- we'd love to find an answer
- 00:10:45.468 --> 00:10:46.736
- for you from the Bible.
- 00:10:46.769 --> 00:10:48.270
- Line Upon Line
- 00:10:48.304 --> 00:10:49.105
- from It Is Written TV.
- 00:10:49.138 --> 00:10:51.140
- -John Bradshaw:Thanks for joining me today
- 00:10:51.907 --> 00:10:53.542
- on It Is Written.
- 00:10:53.576 --> 00:10:54.744
- I'm John Bradshaw, and my guestis public speaker, author,
- 00:10:54.777 --> 00:10:58.414
- and teacherJuliet Van Heerden.
- 00:10:58.447 --> 00:11:01.350
- Juliet, let's go back to--we, we spoke to the issues
- 00:11:01.383 --> 00:11:05.421
- surrounding about, surroundingmarriages and mistakes
- 00:11:05.454 --> 00:11:08.824
- and who to speak toand when and so on,
- 00:11:08.858 --> 00:11:10.626
- but let's talk aboutyour experience.
- 00:11:10.659 --> 00:11:12.495
- You walk down the aisle.You said "I do."
- 00:11:12.528 --> 00:11:14.396
- You were the happiestgirl in the world.
- 00:11:14.430 --> 00:11:16.098
- -Juliet Van Heerden:I was.
- 00:11:16.132 --> 00:11:17.333
- And I, I thought that I wasdoing right because I did marry
- 00:11:17.366 --> 00:11:20.870
- someone who was a Christian,and, um, who had promised
- 00:11:20.903 --> 00:11:25.808
- to come to church,and we did pray together.
- 00:11:25.841 --> 00:11:29.445
- So there were, there were a lotof things that were positive
- 00:11:29.478 --> 00:11:32.381
- and right and good,
- 00:11:32.414 --> 00:11:33.549
- and we had a relationshipthat I felt was real.
- 00:11:33.582 --> 00:11:38.387
- And, um, then I started noticingthat things were not always
- 00:11:38.420 --> 00:11:44.994
- what they seemed to be.
- 00:11:45.027 --> 00:11:46.996
- -John: What did you noticethat really bothered you?
- 00:11:47.029 --> 00:11:49.231
- -Juliet: I call him "John."
- 00:11:49.265 --> 00:11:50.566
- It's not his real name,but we'll call him "John"
- 00:11:50.599 --> 00:11:52.201
- because I want him to belike a real person,
- 00:11:52.234 --> 00:11:54.603
- and, um, I'm definitelynot wanting to vilify him
- 00:11:54.637 --> 00:11:58.440
- as a person.
- 00:11:58.474 --> 00:11:59.108
- -John: Sure.
- 00:11:59.141 --> 00:12:00.075
- -Juliet: He was, you know,a human being.
- 00:12:00.109 --> 00:12:01.143
- But when, when moneywasn't accounted for,
- 00:12:01.177 --> 00:12:06.982
- when, uh, things didn't add up,stories didn't add up.
- 00:12:07.016 --> 00:12:13.322
- Uh, we startedgetting into debt.
- 00:12:13.355 --> 00:12:15.858
- He would have unexplainedillness a lot of times.
- 00:12:15.891 --> 00:12:19.662
- A lot of accidentswould happen to him.
- 00:12:19.695 --> 00:12:22.231
- He worked in construction.
- 00:12:22.264 --> 00:12:24.233
- And sometimes weird thingswould happen that, you know,
- 00:12:24.266 --> 00:12:28.904
- the staple gun wentthrough the hand, or--
- 00:12:28.938 --> 00:12:31.674
- [Laughs] you know, just,just too many accidents.
- 00:12:31.707 --> 00:12:35.611
- -John: And what was it?
- 00:12:35.644 --> 00:12:36.979
- -Juliet: It was cocaine.
- 00:12:37.012 --> 00:12:39.515
- -John: Let me ask this first,
- 00:12:39.548 --> 00:12:40.583
- and then I'll askfor your response.
- 00:12:40.616 --> 00:12:41.717
- When did you realize youwere married to a drug addict?
- 00:12:41.750 --> 00:12:45.087
- -Juliet: Yeah, it wasbasically kind of
- 00:12:45.120 --> 00:12:47.223
- all around the same time.
- 00:12:47.256 --> 00:12:48.190
- -John: Yeah.
- 00:12:48.224 --> 00:12:49.391
- -Juliet: But he was so addictedby that time that he was,
- 00:12:49.425 --> 00:12:51.794
- like it was kind of life ordeath at that point in time.
- 00:12:51.827 --> 00:12:55.164
- And I had reachedout to someone,
- 00:12:55.197 --> 00:12:57.499
- to a substance-abusecounselor, and they said,
- 00:12:57.533 --> 00:12:59.835
- "Look, it's going to bethe cemetery or the rehab.
- 00:12:59.869 --> 00:13:03.405
- Your choice."
- 00:13:03.439 --> 00:13:04.306
- That's what they said to him.
- 00:13:04.340 --> 00:13:05.908
- -John: What did he choose?
- 00:13:05.941 --> 00:13:07.042
- -Juliet: He chose the rehab.
- 00:13:07.076 --> 00:13:08.043
- -John: How did it go?
- 00:13:08.077 --> 00:13:09.211
- -Juliet: I thoughtit went great.
- 00:13:09.245 --> 00:13:11.046
- [Laughs]I thought it went great.
- 00:13:11.080 --> 00:13:13.749
- He checked in for, for 28 days,and he did stay clean.
- 00:13:13.782 --> 00:13:18.020
- -John: So things turned around?
- 00:13:18.053 --> 00:13:19.855
- -Juliet: Mm-hm.
- 00:13:19.889 --> 00:13:20.522
- -John: For how long?
- 00:13:20.556 --> 00:13:21.190
- -Juliet: For a while.
- 00:13:21.223 --> 00:13:22.191
- -John: Yeah?
- 00:13:22.224 --> 00:13:22.858
- -Juliet: For a while. Um...
- 00:13:22.892 --> 00:13:24.460
- -John: And how did you notice?
- 00:13:24.493 --> 00:13:25.427
- -Juliet: I...
- 00:13:25.461 --> 00:13:26.362
- -John: How did you noticethat things were
- 00:13:26.395 --> 00:13:27.529
- no longer going well?
- 00:13:27.563 --> 00:13:28.330
- -Juliet: Oh, man,I never knew.
- 00:13:28.364 --> 00:13:29.565
- Like, it was, I never knew.
- 00:13:29.598 --> 00:13:30.566
- Even those firstsix years of marriage,
- 00:13:30.599 --> 00:13:32.234
- like, sometimes he was using,sometimes he wasn't;
- 00:13:32.268 --> 00:13:34.136
- sometimes he was clean;sometimes he wasn't.
- 00:13:34.169 --> 00:13:35.771
- I, I never knew where he was
- 00:13:35.804 --> 00:13:38.240
- because I think he didn't wantto be the slave to this, either.
- 00:13:38.274 --> 00:13:41.543
- -John: What would he belike when he relapsed?
- 00:13:41.577 --> 00:13:43.412
- How would that affect himemotionally and physically?
- 00:13:43.445 --> 00:13:46.849
- -Juliet: Well, oncehe got clean and sober,
- 00:13:46.882 --> 00:13:51.053
- he was back to normal, andwe would just try to go on
- 00:13:51.086 --> 00:13:53.989
- with life, you know, backto church, back to work,
- 00:13:54.023 --> 00:13:56.825
- back to, you know, tried to havesome semblance of normalcy
- 00:13:56.859 --> 00:13:59.862
- in our marriage.
- 00:13:59.895 --> 00:14:00.796
- And, um, and thenwhen he would relapse,
- 00:14:00.829 --> 00:14:04.400
- he would just disappear.
- 00:14:04.433 --> 00:14:05.401
- He would disappear,sometimes for days,
- 00:14:05.434 --> 00:14:07.236
- usually on a Fridaybecause that's payday,
- 00:14:07.269 --> 00:14:09.838
- and, um, you know, come homewhen the money was gone.
- 00:14:09.872 --> 00:14:13.442
- -John: You've saidyou like a project,
- 00:14:13.475 --> 00:14:14.777
- and you liketo fix things.
- 00:14:14.810 --> 00:14:15.811
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:14:15.844 --> 00:14:16.745
- -John: So did you getabout fixing him?
- 00:14:16.779 --> 00:14:17.980
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:14:18.013 --> 00:14:19.114
- -John: Did you think, "Okay,we're gonna fix this"?
- 00:14:19.148 --> 00:14:20.582
- How did youendeavor to fix it?
- 00:14:20.616 --> 00:14:21.984
- -Juliet: So, I was afraidthat he was gonna die.
- 00:14:22.017 --> 00:14:23.986
- I was afraid thathe was gonna OD.
- 00:14:24.019 --> 00:14:25.888
- I was afraid thatsomeone would find out
- 00:14:25.921 --> 00:14:27.990
- about our dirty family secret.
- 00:14:28.023 --> 00:14:29.825
- And so I tried tocontrol everything.
- 00:14:29.858 --> 00:14:31.860
- I, I tried to controlevery penny.
- 00:14:31.894 --> 00:14:34.029
- You, you have your bosswrite the paycheck to me.
- 00:14:34.063 --> 00:14:36.865
- I'm going to controlthe finances,
- 00:14:36.899 --> 00:14:39.001
- and I'll give you anallowance, just what you need.
- 00:14:39.034 --> 00:14:41.704
- But that was the waythat I coped.
- 00:14:41.737 --> 00:14:44.106
- Um, crack down and control.
- 00:14:44.139 --> 00:14:45.841
- Well, then you'renot a spouse;
- 00:14:45.874 --> 00:14:47.543
- you're, you're amother, a bad one,
- 00:14:47.576 --> 00:14:50.045
- [Laughs]you know.
- 00:14:50.079 --> 00:14:51.647
- -John: And, and evidentlythat's not what you planned.
- 00:14:51.680 --> 00:14:54.416
- -Juliet: No.
- 00:14:54.450 --> 00:14:55.284
- -John: What was thatdoing to you?
- 00:14:55.317 --> 00:14:56.518
- -Juliet: No.It was tearing me up.
- 00:14:56.552 --> 00:14:57.853
- I was, I was sick.I had ulcers.
- 00:14:57.886 --> 00:15:00.189
- I was, um, constantlystressed out.
- 00:15:00.222 --> 00:15:03.525
- I was... The controllingthing just didn't work.
- 00:15:03.559 --> 00:15:08.530
- But I couldn't stopbeing controlling.
- 00:15:08.564 --> 00:15:11.200
- -John: How many people--I'mgetting ahead of myself here--
- 00:15:11.233 --> 00:15:14.136
- how common is this in church?
- 00:15:14.169 --> 00:15:18.607
- Not just in society--in church,for families to be dealing
- 00:15:18.640 --> 00:15:21.977
- with someone who'sbattling addiction issues--
- 00:15:22.011 --> 00:15:24.913
- how common?
- 00:15:24.947 --> 00:15:26.048
- -Juliet: I would venture to sayevery family has someone
- 00:15:26.081 --> 00:15:31.553
- that they love or care aboutwho's addicted to something,
- 00:15:31.587 --> 00:15:35.357
- either chemical dependency,um, pornography.
- 00:15:35.391 --> 00:15:40.229
- -John: As your husbandwas descending
- 00:15:40.262 --> 00:15:43.332
- into self-destruction,
- 00:15:43.365 --> 00:15:45.534
- and your marriage wasstarting to unravel,
- 00:15:45.567 --> 00:15:48.170
- what was this doingto you spiritually?
- 00:15:48.203 --> 00:15:51.673
- -Juliet: I was really havinga spiritual awakening.
- 00:15:51.707 --> 00:15:54.576
- I was, I was learning totrust God and to love Him
- 00:15:54.610 --> 00:16:00.349
- and to know that He loved me.
- 00:16:00.382 --> 00:16:01.917
- I, it makes me just emotionaljust thinking about how God
- 00:16:01.950 --> 00:16:06.955
- opened my eyesto His love for me.
- 00:16:06.989 --> 00:16:08.657
- And I grew up knowingabout God's love,
- 00:16:08.690 --> 00:16:11.293
- singing "Jesus loves me,this I know."
- 00:16:11.326 --> 00:16:14.296
- I knew what God's Word said,
- 00:16:14.329 --> 00:16:16.465
- but through that experienceI learned to trust Him.
- 00:16:16.498 --> 00:16:20.369
- -John: See, I canimagine a person saying,
- 00:16:20.402 --> 00:16:22.671
- "Spiritually I was devastated,
- 00:16:22.704 --> 00:16:24.139
- and I felt like I wasa million miles from God,"
- 00:16:24.173 --> 00:16:26.208
- and I know thathappens to people.
- 00:16:26.241 --> 00:16:27.543
- It didn't happen to you.
- 00:16:27.576 --> 00:16:29.011
- What was going onthat this experience
- 00:16:29.044 --> 00:16:31.113
- drew you closer to God?
- 00:16:31.146 --> 00:16:33.549
- This, I think is a,is a very key point
- 00:16:33.582 --> 00:16:36.151
- because a lot of people end upadrift and without hope.
- 00:16:36.185 --> 00:16:39.388
- -Juliet: Right.
- 00:16:39.421 --> 00:16:40.456
- -John: What was it about youor your experience
- 00:16:40.489 --> 00:16:42.391
- or your upbringingor your faith community
- 00:16:42.424 --> 00:16:44.693
- that saw this experiencedraw you closer to God?
- 00:16:44.726 --> 00:16:49.031
- What made the difference?
- 00:16:49.064 --> 00:16:50.399
- -Juliet: You know, I shouldhave spoken with others,
- 00:16:50.432 --> 00:16:52.868
- but I didn't.
- 00:16:52.901 --> 00:16:53.802
- And so God waswho I talked to,
- 00:16:53.836 --> 00:16:55.871
- and I talked to Him, likewhen I was driving to school,
- 00:16:55.904 --> 00:16:58.707
- I would have to put myselftogether because to be able
- 00:16:58.740 --> 00:17:01.677
- to smile and be sweetto first grade children,
- 00:17:01.710 --> 00:17:04.580
- you know, you have to,
- 00:17:04.613 --> 00:17:05.747
- you have to get it togetherbefore you get to school.
- 00:17:05.781 --> 00:17:07.850
- And so that was my time
- 00:17:07.883 --> 00:17:09.051
- where I would just pour myheart out to God as I'm driving.
- 00:17:09.084 --> 00:17:11.453
- Like, "Lord, I, I've got work todo today. I need You to help me.
- 00:17:11.487 --> 00:17:14.990
- [Voice quavers] Help mefocus on loving these kids."
- 00:17:15.023 --> 00:17:17.893
- And He would do it.
- 00:17:17.926 --> 00:17:19.895
- Like, I could just feel thepeace of God come over me,
- 00:17:19.928 --> 00:17:22.831
- and I could do my work;I could do my job.
- 00:17:22.865 --> 00:17:24.967
- I could, I could loveon the kids at school.
- 00:17:25.000 --> 00:17:28.103
- And, and when I pouredmy heart out to the Lord,
- 00:17:28.137 --> 00:17:30.806
- He came, and He wasvery real to me.
- 00:17:30.839 --> 00:17:35.310
- -John: So where would yoube now, do you think,
- 00:17:35.344 --> 00:17:37.513
- if you didn't haveGod to lean on?
- 00:17:37.546 --> 00:17:39.648
- -Juliet: I would havedriven my car off a bridge
- 00:17:39.681 --> 00:17:42.017
- or slit my wrists ordone something awful.
- 00:17:42.050 --> 00:17:44.987
- -John: And somethingkept you from that?
- 00:17:45.020 --> 00:17:47.055
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:17:47.089 --> 00:17:47.923
- I didn't, I didn'twant to hurt Him.
- 00:17:47.956 --> 00:17:49.958
- I didn't want to hurtmy friend God.
- 00:17:49.992 --> 00:17:52.728
- And I believe thatyou're not ever alone.
- 00:17:52.761 --> 00:17:56.198
- We are never alone.
- 00:17:56.231 --> 00:17:57.766
- -John: We're going to talkabout that in just a moment.
- 00:17:57.799 --> 00:17:59.635
- He's always there,and He's always for you.
- 00:17:59.668 --> 00:18:03.906
- More of my conversationwith Juliet Van Heerden
- 00:18:03.939 --> 00:18:06.608
- in just a moment.
- 00:18:06.642 --> 00:18:08.010
- ♪[Music]♪
- 00:18:08.043 --> 00:18:14.983
- -John: Thank youfor remembering
- 00:18:16.952 --> 00:18:17.986
- that It Is Written exists
- 00:18:18.020 --> 00:18:19.521
- because of the kindnessof people just like you.
- 00:18:19.555 --> 00:18:22.324
- To support this internationallife-changing ministry,
- 00:18:22.357 --> 00:18:25.561
- please call us now at800-253-3000.
- 00:18:25.594 --> 00:18:29.831
- You can send yourtax-deductible gift
- 00:18:29.865 --> 00:18:31.300
- to the addresson your screen,
- 00:18:31.333 --> 00:18:32.768
- or you can visit us online atitiswritten.com.
- 00:18:32.801 --> 00:18:36.605
- Thank you for your prayersand for your financial support.
- 00:18:36.638 --> 00:18:39.441
- Our number again is800-253-3000,
- 00:18:39.474 --> 00:18:43.445
- or you can visit us online atitiswritten.com.
- 00:18:43.478 --> 00:18:46.815
- -John Bradshaw:Thanks for joining me today
- 00:18:47.849 --> 00:18:49.651
- on It Is Written.
- 00:18:49.685 --> 00:18:51.186
- My guest, Juliet Van Heerden, issharing her story of addiction,
- 00:18:51.220 --> 00:18:55.457
- codependency, recovery,
- 00:18:55.490 --> 00:18:58.026
- and the miracle of God'srestoration in her life.
- 00:18:58.060 --> 00:19:01.263
- Okay. Your husbandis drug-addicted.
- 00:19:01.296 --> 00:19:04.967
- He's lying; he's sick;he's in and out of rehab;
- 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:08.604
- your home has been robbed.
- 00:19:08.637 --> 00:19:11.707
- You were divorced.
- 00:19:11.740 --> 00:19:13.342
- How'd that happen?
- 00:19:13.375 --> 00:19:14.343
- How did you finallyget to the point,
- 00:19:14.376 --> 00:19:16.078
- or how did circumstancesbring you to the place
- 00:19:16.111 --> 00:19:18.180
- where this is over andit's not getting better?
- 00:19:18.213 --> 00:19:20.849
- -Juliet Van Heerden: Um, well,"John" just said to me,
- 00:19:20.882 --> 00:19:23.085
- "I am tired of livingthe double life.
- 00:19:23.118 --> 00:19:25.687
- I don't want to be the Christianhusband that you want me to be.
- 00:19:25.721 --> 00:19:30.726
- I want to drink what I want,smoke what I want,
- 00:19:30.759 --> 00:19:36.064
- watch what I want,snort what I want."
- 00:19:36.098 --> 00:19:39.635
- And I was able to walkaway feeling relieved.
- 00:19:39.668 --> 00:19:46.008
- -John: I wanted toask you about that.
- 00:19:46.041 --> 00:19:48.377
- When he says, "I'm done."
- 00:19:48.410 --> 00:19:49.845
- -Juliet: Mm-hm.
- 00:19:49.878 --> 00:19:50.712
- -John: Was there painby that stage?
- 00:19:50.746 --> 00:19:52.848
- You said "relief."
- 00:19:52.881 --> 00:19:54.650
- So, it wasn't as painfulas if he'd said that
- 00:19:54.683 --> 00:19:59.021
- a number of years earlier?
- 00:19:59.054 --> 00:20:00.422
- -Juliet: I just felt likeI had done my absolute best
- 00:20:00.455 --> 00:20:04.293
- and given it everythingthat I could possibly do,
- 00:20:04.326 --> 00:20:07.095
- but a person is free tomake their own choices.
- 00:20:07.129 --> 00:20:10.165
- -John: Offer a word ofencouragement to somebody
- 00:20:10.198 --> 00:20:12.067
- who might be in the situationthat you were in then,
- 00:20:12.100 --> 00:20:14.136
- and they feel like, "If I don'thang in here to the grim death,
- 00:20:14.169 --> 00:20:17.806
- then somehow I've let God down."
- 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:19.374
- How do you know, how do youknow when you've done your best,
- 00:20:19.408 --> 00:20:22.477
- and it's time to let go?
- 00:20:22.511 --> 00:20:23.979
- -Juliet: Well, I think, I thinkthe Lord lets us know.
- 00:20:24.012 --> 00:20:27.316
- And sometimes we hang on...
- 00:20:27.349 --> 00:20:29.851
- beyond the point whereGod has released us.
- 00:20:29.885 --> 00:20:34.022
- And God--it is not God'sdesire for anyone to be
- 00:20:34.056 --> 00:20:38.026
- in an abusive situation.
- 00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:40.195
- And I had a very difficult timeusing the word "abuse"
- 00:20:40.228 --> 00:20:43.398
- to describe, um, my marriage.
- 00:20:43.432 --> 00:20:47.302
- But, as I look back, I can sayI was in an abusive marriage.
- 00:20:47.336 --> 00:20:52.641
- I was being financially abused.
- 00:20:52.674 --> 00:20:54.509
- I was being emotionallyneglected, verbally abused.
- 00:20:54.543 --> 00:20:59.948
- And, and so, as I look at that,I know that's not God's will,
- 00:20:59.981 --> 00:21:03.819
- and that, and that'snot God's plan for us.
- 00:21:03.852 --> 00:21:05.987
- We need to be safe.
- 00:21:06.021 --> 00:21:07.723
- And sometimes God makesprovision for, for people.
- 00:21:07.756 --> 00:21:12.394
- Um, He says He hates divorce.
- 00:21:12.427 --> 00:21:14.596
- Yes, He does because it'spainful and devastating.
- 00:21:14.629 --> 00:21:18.233
- But there is provision.
- 00:21:18.266 --> 00:21:19.801
- There are, there are timeswhen it's a relief.
- 00:21:19.835 --> 00:21:23.839
- -John: Back up a few years.
- 00:21:23.872 --> 00:21:24.840
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:21:24.873 --> 00:21:25.841
- -John: You were worriedthat someone might learn
- 00:21:25.874 --> 00:21:26.708
- your dirty little secret.
- 00:21:26.742 --> 00:21:27.709
- Now, years later--
- 00:21:27.743 --> 00:21:29.010
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:21:29.044 --> 00:21:30.212
- -John: ...the secret's out,and yet people embraced you.
- 00:21:30.245 --> 00:21:32.114
- -Juliet: They embraced me,and they loved me.
- 00:21:32.147 --> 00:21:33.982
- And they loved "John"through it, too.
- 00:21:34.015 --> 00:21:35.617
- I mean, once we started sharing,
- 00:21:35.650 --> 00:21:37.686
- we found that people embracedus and loved us through it.
- 00:21:37.719 --> 00:21:41.556
- And it was beautifulto just be like,
- 00:21:41.590 --> 00:21:44.926
- oh, I don't have to carry thisburden of a secret anymore.
- 00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:49.598
- So, I, I would encouragepeople: Please share.
- 00:21:49.631 --> 00:21:53.335
- Find a safe place andshare with somebody.
- 00:21:53.368 --> 00:21:55.437
- Don't hold it.
- 00:21:55.470 --> 00:21:56.671
- -John: Along the way,you wrote a book.
- 00:21:56.705 --> 00:21:58.340
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:21:58.373 --> 00:21:59.174
- -John: "Same Dress,Different Day."
- 00:21:59.207 --> 00:22:00.642
- -Juliet: Yes.
- 00:22:00.675 --> 00:22:01.476
- -John: Why did youwrite the book?
- 00:22:01.510 --> 00:22:03.345
- -Juliet: Believe me,I didn't want to.
- 00:22:03.378 --> 00:22:05.280
- Um, for, for doingpublic speaking now
- 00:22:05.313 --> 00:22:08.984
- and for being a teacher,I'm actually an introvert,
- 00:22:09.017 --> 00:22:12.220
- and I'm a very private person.
- 00:22:12.254 --> 00:22:14.289
- And that's why I kept my mouthclosed for so long about things.
- 00:22:14.322 --> 00:22:17.692
- I did not wantto write this book.
- 00:22:17.726 --> 00:22:19.494
- I am a writer.I love to write.
- 00:22:19.528 --> 00:22:21.930
- But I was, you know, journalingand writing for myself,
- 00:22:21.963 --> 00:22:25.434
- never thinking I would tellmy story to other people.
- 00:22:25.467 --> 00:22:28.537
- But the Holy Spirit justkept on me about this,
- 00:22:28.570 --> 00:22:31.072
- that, that you needto share this story
- 00:22:31.106 --> 00:22:33.308
- because it will bringhope to others.
- 00:22:33.341 --> 00:22:35.210
- And as a pastor's wife,I started hearing the stories
- 00:22:35.243 --> 00:22:38.180
- of people in churchwho were suffering,
- 00:22:38.213 --> 00:22:39.915
- families that are sufferingwith the same kind of problems
- 00:22:39.948 --> 00:22:42.717
- that I experienced.
- 00:22:42.751 --> 00:22:44.252
- And I really had so muchcompassion for them,
- 00:22:44.286 --> 00:22:46.488
- and, and a few peoplesaid to me,
- 00:22:46.521 --> 00:22:48.023
- "You need to share your story.You need to write your story.
- 00:22:48.056 --> 00:22:50.492
- You need to write your story."
- 00:22:50.525 --> 00:22:51.626
- And I kept putting it off.
- 00:22:51.660 --> 00:22:53.128
- And I knew it would be difficultbecause I was happy;
- 00:22:53.161 --> 00:22:56.298
- I was living thehappily ever after.
- 00:22:56.331 --> 00:22:57.766
- Who wants to go back andthink about that stuff?
- 00:22:57.799 --> 00:22:59.768
- And in order to write well, youneed to relive it in your mind.
- 00:22:59.801 --> 00:23:04.573
- But, um, Andre, my husband,he gave me permission to do it.
- 00:23:04.606 --> 00:23:08.910
- He set me--it was verygracious of him as a man--
- 00:23:08.944 --> 00:23:12.447
- he gave me permission to goback and to relive that pain
- 00:23:12.481 --> 00:23:15.917
- and to write about "John"and to, um, to share my story.
- 00:23:15.951 --> 00:23:20.755
- And it took me about threeyears from start to finish,
- 00:23:20.789 --> 00:23:25.193
- um, because it was hard.
- 00:23:25.227 --> 00:23:27.028
- I would write a bit, andthen I'd take a long break.
- 00:23:27.062 --> 00:23:30.465
- But it was published in 2015,
- 00:23:30.499 --> 00:23:33.168
- and the responsesfrom readers has been...
- 00:23:33.201 --> 00:23:36.671
- [Voice quavers]It hurts me so much to hear
- 00:23:36.705 --> 00:23:38.840
- what they have to say.
- 00:23:38.874 --> 00:23:39.908
- They say to me,"You're telling my story."
- 00:23:39.941 --> 00:23:43.144
- -John: Give some advice tothat, that woman especially--
- 00:23:43.178 --> 00:23:47.048
- doesn't have to be a woman--
- 00:23:47.082 --> 00:23:48.016
- -Juliet: Mm-hm.
- 00:23:48.049 --> 00:23:49.150
- -John: ...who's in arelationship that's just
- 00:23:49.184 --> 00:23:50.919
- spiraling downwards.
- 00:23:50.952 --> 00:23:52.254
- Nothing he or shecan do about it.
- 00:23:52.287 --> 00:23:54.222
- There's addictions,or whatever the case is.
- 00:23:54.256 --> 00:23:57.659
- Where should they go?
- 00:23:57.692 --> 00:23:58.660
- -Juliet: No, and,and Dr. Larry Crabb says,
- 00:23:58.693 --> 00:24:00.929
- "Healing takes placein community."
- 00:24:00.962 --> 00:24:02.831
- So we need to find a communityof people where we feel safe,
- 00:24:02.864 --> 00:24:07.102
- and who--where we're notalone in our suffering;
- 00:24:07.135 --> 00:24:09.137
- our suffering is,sorrow is divided.
- 00:24:09.170 --> 00:24:11.673
- Um, and I would, I wouldsuggest finding a local, um,
- 00:24:11.706 --> 00:24:15.477
- Christ-centered recovery, um,group, recovery community.
- 00:24:15.510 --> 00:24:19.481
- Al-Anon is a wonderful resource.
- 00:24:19.514 --> 00:24:22.083
- Um, find a group that meetsregularly for codependents.
- 00:24:22.117 --> 00:24:25.820
- There's Codependents Anonymouswhere, uh, those--
- 00:24:25.854 --> 00:24:28.723
- that's those of us who,who get caught in the cycle
- 00:24:28.757 --> 00:24:31.459
- of rescuing that loved one.
- 00:24:31.493 --> 00:24:33.028
- Um, not everyone canafford counseling,
- 00:24:33.061 --> 00:24:35.864
- professional counseling.
- 00:24:35.897 --> 00:24:36.965
- It's a wonderfulresource, if you can.
- 00:24:36.998 --> 00:24:39.301
- But if you can't, there arepeople, um, who meet regularly
- 00:24:39.334 --> 00:24:43.338
- and talk and share and, um.
- 00:24:43.371 --> 00:24:46.041
- And be a reader. Um,learn about addiction.
- 00:24:46.074 --> 00:24:49.144
- Learn about boundaries.Learn about codependency.
- 00:24:49.177 --> 00:24:52.213
- Find out, um, about yourselfand what you can do,
- 00:24:52.247 --> 00:24:57.519
- and then find a safe place whereyou can share and grow and heal.
- 00:24:57.552 --> 00:25:02.791
- There is hope.
- 00:25:02.824 --> 00:25:04.159
- ♪[Music]♪
- 00:25:04.192 --> 00:25:12.067
- -Announcer: Modern life makesforming relationships hard.
- 00:25:13.068 --> 00:25:15.837
- We crave a solidfamily life,
- 00:25:15.870 --> 00:25:17.172
- but oftentimes don't knowhow to create it.
- 00:25:17.205 --> 00:25:19.874
- This book can help.
- 00:25:19.908 --> 00:25:21.343
- "Hope for Today's Families"
- 00:25:21.376 --> 00:25:22.644
- walks you throughbuilding relationships,
- 00:25:22.677 --> 00:25:24.312
- communicating effectively,and forming bonds for eternity.
- 00:25:24.346 --> 00:25:27.616
- Get "Hope for Today's Families."
- 00:25:27.649 --> 00:25:29.317
- It's free.
- 00:25:29.351 --> 00:25:30.385
- Call800-253-3000
- 00:25:30.418 --> 00:25:33.822
- or visit us online today atiiwoffer.com.
- 00:25:33.855 --> 00:25:37.959
- Hope is just a call away:800-253-3000.
- 00:25:37.993 --> 00:25:42.530
- -John Bradshaw:Juliet, let's pray together.
- 00:25:43.531 --> 00:25:45.000
- Let's pray.
- 00:25:45.033 --> 00:25:46.501
- Our Father in heaven,
- 00:25:46.534 --> 00:25:47.502
- we are grateful that Youare the God who gives.
- 00:25:47.535 --> 00:25:50.071
- You don't take away.
- 00:25:50.105 --> 00:25:51.206
- You give.
- 00:25:51.239 --> 00:25:51.873
- You restore.You remake.
- 00:25:51.906 --> 00:25:54.309
- Thank You that Youare never done with us,
- 00:25:54.342 --> 00:25:56.911
- that You always love us.
- 00:25:56.945 --> 00:25:58.513
- You don't turn from us,even when we turn from You.
- 00:25:58.546 --> 00:26:02.250
- Our Father, I want to prayright now for that woman,
- 00:26:02.283 --> 00:26:05.987
- that man, that young person,
- 00:26:06.021 --> 00:26:08.490
- who is struggling as lifecrashes down around them,
- 00:26:08.523 --> 00:26:12.627
- and allow that the challengesof this life would only turn us
- 00:26:12.661 --> 00:26:16.564
- in Your direction,
- 00:26:16.598 --> 00:26:17.799
- to embrace You, and neverto turn us away from You.
- 00:26:17.832 --> 00:26:22.804
- Lord, we thank You,and we love You,
- 00:26:22.837 --> 00:26:25.874
- and we pray inJesus' name, amen.
- 00:26:25.907 --> 00:26:30.045
- Thanks so muchfor joining me.
- 00:26:30.078 --> 00:26:31.413
- I'm looking forward toseeing you again next time.
- 00:26:31.446 --> 00:26:33.882
- Until then, remember:
- 00:26:33.915 --> 00:26:35.850
- "It is written, 'Man shallnot live by bread alone,
- 00:26:35.884 --> 00:26:40.155
- but by every word that proceedsfrom the mouth of God.'"
- 00:26:40.188 --> 00:26:45.026
- ♪[Theme music]♪
- 00:26:45.060 --> 00:27:15.690