Hatred Turned Inward | TBN

Hatred Turned Inward

Watch Hatred Turned Inward
July 14, 2019
27:30

Your World with Creflo

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Hatred Turned Inward

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  • [audience applauding]
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  • Creflo Dollar: Hate.
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  • Hate is a strong word.
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  • It's the height of negative emotions.
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  • It's all-encompassing and all-consuming.
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  • But hate is exactly what our guests today
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  • feels about himself.
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  • Our guest today grew up in a broken home of verbal abuse and
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  • has suffered from anxiety and self-doubt,
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  • leading him to attempt suicide twice.
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  • Our guest lost everything and had no hope of a future.
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  • Now, we're going to help this man today and show him that
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  • God's grace is the answer.
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  • I'm Creflo Dollar and this is "Your World."
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  • [audience applauding]
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  • Changing one life, time after time.
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  • Oh Lord, we do it all for you.
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  • Through the trials I see, I'll always believe
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  • a new life starts with you.
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  • Oh, change your world today.
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  • Change is gonna come your way.
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  • Change and get an understanding.
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  • His grace will transform you.
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  • [audience applauding]
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  • Creflo: Our guest today had lost his way and his will to
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  • find joy and happiness.
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  • His second attempt at suicide happened only a few months ago.
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  • He's here today because he knows he needs help.
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  • Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome Jonathan
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  • to "Your World" today.
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  • [audience applauding]
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  • Creflo: Jonathan, God bless you.
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  • Good to meet you, son.
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  • Jonathan Parker: Nice to meet you as well.
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  • Creflo: Thank you for showing up today, man.
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  • First of all, I wanna congratulate you on your courage
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  • to show up here today because what we're gonna do is a little
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  • tag team here today.
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  • Your story is gonna minister to thousands because this is
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  • something that's so prevalent right now in our nation and
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  • around the world.
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  • And I believe God will use you, and your testimony,
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  • and the journey you're about to take us on into your world
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  • to really help a lot of people to see some things and
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  • to understand some things.
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  • And I'm gonna believe God for the wisdom for us to go through
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  • this journey together and to come out
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  • with some answers, okay?
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  • So, we really appreciate you.
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  • Let's get started. Take us into your world.
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  • Let's talk about--you know, this word "hate" is strong.
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  • Jonathan: It is.
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  • Creflo: And it's really strong when the direction
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  • of it goes towards yourself.
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  • How did this seed get in place there?
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  • Tell us about how you were raised and maybe we can see
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  • some clues that will help us to understand where you
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  • are emotionally today.
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  • Jonathan: As far back as I can remember,
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  • I've always kind of had an internal doubt
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  • and turned that inward.
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  • I would say it probably grew through
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  • my parents' relationship.
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  • They have fought a lot.
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  • And I just watched the way that--how they treated each
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  • other and how my mom would feel, 'cause my dad
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  • was more the abuser.
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  • I realized that that was not something I wanted to put
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  • out into the world to make other people feel,
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  • so therefore I think I started to internalize
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  • it to avoid conflict.
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  • So, if you and I had a conflict, instead of addressing it,
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  • in the fear that it would become an anger and degrading
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  • or something like that, I would just turn it inward.
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  • Creflo: So, you spent years bottling things up
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  • on the inside.
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  • Jonathan: Yeah, and then that would turn into anxiety.
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  • The anxiety would turn into depression.
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  • And then the mixture of those two things would turn into,
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  • "It would just be better if you weren't here."
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  • Creflo: Yeah.
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  • Would you have times in your life where,
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  • maybe out of anger, a loved one said some hurtful things to you?
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  • Because a lot of times, you know,
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  • hurt will produce anger.
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  • Jonathan: Absolutely.
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  • Creflo: And you know, then you begin to express
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  • it in different ways.
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  • So, can you recall any of that happening?
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  • Jonathan: One specific time that really stands out
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  • is I guess one of those pivotal, influencing
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  • moments in your life.
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  • It was after my parents had divorced,
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  • I went and visited my dad, and we got in,
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  • I wouldn't say an argument.
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  • Well, it's an argument.
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  • Creflo: Talk about it.
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  • Jonathan: Yeah, but he told me he wished I had
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  • never been born.
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  • Creflo: Your father did? Jonathan: Yeah.
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  • Creflo: Yeah, that tends to stick with you forever.
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  • Jonathan: Yeah. Creflo: For a long time.
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  • Jonathan: It's one of those moments to this day that I still
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  • remember very, very well.
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  • Creflo: And you never--you internalized
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  • that as well, right?
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  • Jonathan: I did.
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  • Creflo: And you never spoke to anybody about it?
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  • Jonathan: Yeah, I think my dad had some demons of his own
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  • and he just didn't know how to handle those and express those
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  • well, and therefore he took it out on me and took it out on
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  • my mother beforehand.
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  • Creflo: What was--your first attempt at suicide,
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  • what was the final straw that pushed you to attempt to commit
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  • suicide the first time?
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  • Was there a final thing or a combination of things?
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  • Jonathan: I think it was a combination of things.
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  • It had--there had just been a lot going on and it was a lot
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  • of multiple factors.
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  • And like I said, it was the anxiety,
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  • and then it built into the depression,
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  • and then the depression went into the self-hate,
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  • the, "It would just be easier if you weren't here."
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  • And actually, that was one of my closing statements for my life
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  • was, "I never wanted to be burden," and I felt like I had
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  • become a burden at that point.
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  • Creflo: Yeah, you were looking at feelings on the
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  • inside that come from thoughts that weigh you down.
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  • Jonathan: One hundred percent.
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  • Creflo: Yeah, and that's what--that's how you
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  • would define depression.
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  • And then more comes in, and it weighs you down,
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  • and you can see what's gonna ultimately happen.
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  • It begins to build, build, build,
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  • and somehow it's going to come out.
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  • And most of the time, it'll come out in a negative way because
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  • as we internalize all of that stuff,
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  • then we wanna turn on ourselves now to try to deal with it.
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  • Is that pretty accurate?
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  • Jonathan: Yeah, but it's also hard too,
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  • because as it's happening, you kinda see it,
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  • but there reaches a point where you don't see it anymore.
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  • It's--you're so deep into it that it feels normal and you're
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  • making decisions that are completely unhealthy and
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  • irrational decisions.
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  • Creflo: Because they're emotional decisions.
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  • Jonathan: Exactly, and at that point the emotions have
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  • taken over and this is like, "We got this.
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  • We're gonna handle this and we're gonna get you out of it.
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  • And the way to get you out of it is to remove
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  • yourself from the universe."
  • 00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:06.210
  • Creflo: And these emotions--now your emotions
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  • are leading your life.
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  • Jonathan: Right.
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  • Creflo: And it was never God's plan to allow our emotions
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  • to lead our lives, especially negative emotions to lead our
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  • lives, because negative emotions are gonna lead us away from
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  • all of the good that we should be experiencing.
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  • Jonathan: Yeah.
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  • Creflo: And it's gonna lead us to a place where we're gonna
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  • end up there, and one day, when we kinda have those moments
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  • where we wake up and we say, "How did I get here?"
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  • Jonathan: Yeah.
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  • Creflo: Listen, first of all, I want you to know I can
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  • complete relate with you.
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  • I've had my struggles with depression where it almost--it
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  • put suicidal ideations in me.
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  • I knew if I had to deal with these emotions or they
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  • would deal with me.
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  • And the first thing I saw, Jonathan,
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  • was I was always in the center of the circle.
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  • It's about me, it's about my pain,
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  • it's about my hurt.
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  • It was serious because I found myself getting angry,
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  • and I'm trying to figure out why am I angry.
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  • And what that was was an expression of what
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  • I was afraid of.
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  • So, I see these things building on the inside of me and I'm
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  • becoming this person I don't wanna be,
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  • but I know that life should not be led by negative emotions.
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  • What stopped you in that first attempt to commit suicide?
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  • What stopped you?
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  • Jonathan: So, actually, nothing stopped me.
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  • I went on social media, 'cause I didn't wanna write a letter,
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  • because at the time nobody except one person had
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  • my address, and they lived in Germany.
  • 00:09:46.180 --> 00:09:49.280
  • So, I was like, nobody's gonna get in touch with them.
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  • I'll be long gone by then.
  • 00:09:52.050 --> 00:09:54.030
  • So, I went on social media and I said,
  • 00:09:54.040 --> 00:09:56.280
  • you know, "I don't wanna be a burden.
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  • I love all of you. It's been an amazing journey.
  • 00:09:59.050 --> 00:10:02.090
  • I'm grateful for every experience I've had with each
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  • and every one of you," because they all have added to my life.
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  • I took as many pills as I could and I thought that was it.
  • 00:10:11.140 --> 00:10:18.210
  • And through God, or however the universe wanted to pull it
  • 00:10:18.220 --> 00:10:24.130
  • together, they were able to get in touch with the
  • 00:10:24.140 --> 00:10:27.040
  • one person in Germany.
  • 00:10:27.050 --> 00:10:29.030
  • Creflo: You're kidding me. Jonathan: No.
  • 00:10:29.040 --> 00:10:31.050
  • Creflo: Ladies and gentlemen, he just defined grace.
  • 00:10:31.060 --> 00:10:33.250
  • Jonathan: They got the address,
  • 00:10:33.260 --> 00:10:35.010
  • got in contact with the police.
  • 00:10:35.020 --> 00:10:36.120
  • The police came and did a wellness check,
  • 00:10:36.130 --> 00:10:39.050
  • determined that I needed to go to the hospital.
  • 00:10:39.060 --> 00:10:41.190
  • And then from there I went to an in-patient care facility and was
  • 00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:46.130
  • there for about a week.
  • 00:10:46.140 --> 00:10:50.030
  • So, once I got out of that, my friends pulled together and we
  • 00:10:50.040 --> 00:10:54.020
  • were able to get me on testosterone,
  • 00:10:54.030 --> 00:10:56.100
  • which played a major factor in my suicidal--in my anxiety and
  • 00:10:56.110 --> 00:11:01.180
  • my suicidal thoughts.
  • 00:11:01.190 --> 00:11:03.150
  • I wouldn't have thought low testosterone could do that.
  • 00:11:03.160 --> 00:11:07.060
  • When you think about it, women who are going through menopause,
  • 00:11:07.070 --> 00:11:09.260
  • people always make jokes at their expense like,
  • 00:11:09.270 --> 00:11:12.250
  • "Oh, they're going through the change."
  • 00:11:12.260 --> 00:11:14.110
  • Well, you are going through a change.
  • 00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:15.280
  • Your hormones are out of whack and it really
  • 00:11:15.290 --> 00:11:18.250
  • can affect your mentality.
  • 00:11:18.260 --> 00:11:21.280
  • Creflo: The hormonal parts, believe it or not,
  • 00:11:21.290 --> 00:11:25.150
  • how they're affected by the emotional parts,
  • 00:11:25.160 --> 00:11:28.140
  • and those emotional parts, how they are affected
  • 00:11:28.150 --> 00:11:32.030
  • by the spiritual parts, and now you're dealing
  • 00:11:32.040 --> 00:11:34.280
  • with a three-part situation.
  • 00:11:34.290 --> 00:11:37.220
  • How do I deal with my spirit?
  • 00:11:37.230 --> 00:11:40.180
  • How do I deal with my soul?
  • 00:11:40.190 --> 00:11:43.290
  • That's where my thinker, and my feeler, and my chooser.
  • 00:11:44.000 --> 00:11:47.080
  • And how do I even deal with my physical body?
  • 00:11:47.090 --> 00:11:50.030
  • Jonathan: Right.
  • 00:11:50.040 --> 00:11:51.080
  • Creflo: Look, we're gonna take a break,
  • 00:11:51.090 --> 00:11:52.230
  • and when we come back, we're gonna get the answer to that.
  • 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:55.040
  • We're going to discover some things that I believe will help
  • 00:11:55.050 --> 00:11:59.220
  • Jonathan to see new light.
  • 00:11:59.230 --> 00:12:02.170
  • And I'm just excited because the same Jonathan that walked out
  • 00:12:02.180 --> 00:12:07.100
  • here just a moment ago is gonna be a different
  • 00:12:07.110 --> 00:12:09.020
  • guy that walks away.
  • 00:12:09.030 --> 00:12:10.180
  • I'll see you in just a moment.
  • 00:12:10.190 --> 00:12:12.190
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:12:13.020 --> 00:12:15.020
  • 00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:26.150
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  • 00:12:44.020 --> 00:12:47.180
  • Text "GLA" to 51555 or go online to mygracelifeacademy.com.
  • 00:12:47.190 --> 00:12:54.020
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:02.280
  • Creflo: Welcome back.
  • 00:13:04.170 --> 00:13:05.230
  • You know, we were during the break talking about how this is
  • 00:13:05.240 --> 00:13:10.250
  • gonna have to have a holistic approach where we deal with the
  • 00:13:10.260 --> 00:13:14.280
  • spirit, where we deal with the soul,
  • 00:13:14.290 --> 00:13:18.050
  • that's where your emotions are located,
  • 00:13:18.060 --> 00:13:20.040
  • and where we deal with even the physical body,
  • 00:13:20.050 --> 00:13:23.200
  • balancing of hormones and understanding that testosterone
  • 00:13:23.210 --> 00:13:28.000
  • is not just to do deal with sexual issues,
  • 00:13:28.010 --> 00:13:31.280
  • but there are a lot more issues that are affected
  • 00:13:31.290 --> 00:13:36.100
  • when a man has low T.
  • 00:13:36.110 --> 00:13:38.260
  • And you're probably hearing more about it than we've heard in the
  • 00:13:38.270 --> 00:13:41.060
  • past, but we need to hear even some more about it.
  • 00:13:41.070 --> 00:13:43.040
  • So, one of the things I wanna start off with is,
  • 00:13:43.050 --> 00:13:45.070
  • to set--let's set a platform for us to have this conversation.
  • 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:50.040
  • This is what I call the anatomy of life,
  • 00:13:50.050 --> 00:13:53.140
  • and the anatomy of life is first of all what we are exposed to.
  • 00:13:53.150 --> 00:14:00.130
  • What am I exposed to?
  • 00:14:00.140 --> 00:14:01.270
  • What do I see? What have I heard?
  • 00:14:01.280 --> 00:14:04.070
  • And then my exposure now, whatever that is,
  • 00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:07.120
  • is gonna determine, number two, the way I think.
  • 00:14:07.130 --> 00:14:10.270
  • So, I think in line with what I've been exposed to.
  • 00:14:10.280 --> 00:14:16.020
  • And the way I think will determine how I feel.
  • 00:14:16.030 --> 00:14:22.070
  • So, my exposure determines the way I think,
  • 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:25.040
  • the way I think determines my feelings,
  • 00:14:25.050 --> 00:14:27.120
  • my feelings or emotions determine the decisions I make.
  • 00:14:27.130 --> 00:14:31.150
  • Now, those decisions I make will now determine
  • 00:14:31.160 --> 00:14:34.010
  • the actions I take.
  • 00:14:34.020 --> 00:14:36.260
  • So, I'm gonna start doing based on my decision to do.
  • 00:14:36.270 --> 00:14:41.070
  • When I look the actions that I'm doing,
  • 00:14:41.080 --> 00:14:43.240
  • it'll take me to my habits.
  • 00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.190
  • Actions, habits, it's the thing I now start
  • 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:49.260
  • doing most of the time.
  • 00:14:49.270 --> 00:14:51.110
  • Your habits will take you to your,
  • 00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:54.000
  • watch this, your character.
  • 00:14:54.010 --> 00:14:55.230
  • Where we are today, wherever you are today,
  • 00:14:55.240 --> 00:14:57.130
  • negatively or positively, because you took all of the
  • 00:14:57.140 --> 00:15:01.010
  • proper steps to arrive at that place where you are.
  • 00:15:01.020 --> 00:15:05.290
  • And so I started thinking Jonathan,
  • 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:07.130
  • well, what if I--if I wanna change,
  • 00:15:07.140 --> 00:15:09.180
  • what do I have to do?
  • 00:15:09.190 --> 00:15:11.040
  • So, I need to now know the things that are gonna help me
  • 00:15:11.050 --> 00:15:14.200
  • to end up in the destination that I wanna be in.
  • 00:15:14.210 --> 00:15:18.040
  • Now, here's how I address this and here's where
  • 00:15:18.050 --> 00:15:20.290
  • my whole life changed.
  • 00:15:21.000 --> 00:15:22.190
  • I grew up in church. I went to church.
  • 00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:24.250
  • I have to be honest with you, I went to church,
  • 00:15:24.260 --> 00:15:28.040
  • I never understood what the guy was talking about.
  • 00:15:28.050 --> 00:15:30.100
  • I went to church because it was like,
  • 00:15:30.110 --> 00:15:31.240
  • you know, it's a good thing to go to church.
  • 00:15:31.250 --> 00:15:33.240
  • I had no idea what this guy was talking about.
  • 00:15:33.250 --> 00:15:37.290
  • And I just think--I thought, "That's not gonna work for me.
  • 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:41.210
  • I've gone to church before. It doesn't work."
  • 00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:43.130
  • And then I met someone who says, "This is
  • 00:15:43.140 --> 00:15:45.170
  • not about going to church.
  • 00:15:45.180 --> 00:15:47.010
  • It is about you understanding how to rightly divide the Word
  • 00:15:47.020 --> 00:15:52.040
  • of God and applying it to your life."
  • 00:15:52.050 --> 00:15:54.060
  • So, I took--I've been exposing myself now to the Word of God.
  • 00:15:54.070 --> 00:15:58.170
  • Whoa, all of a sudden my thinking changed in
  • 00:15:58.180 --> 00:16:02.260
  • line with the Word.
  • 00:16:02.270 --> 00:16:04.040
  • My emotions started changing in line with my thinking in line
  • 00:16:04.050 --> 00:16:08.000
  • with the Word.
  • 00:16:08.010 --> 00:16:09.280
  • My decisions started changing in line with my emotions in line
  • 00:16:09.290 --> 00:16:13.150
  • with my decisions in line with the Word.
  • 00:16:13.160 --> 00:16:17.010
  • It went all the way down to my destination and I thought,
  • 00:16:17.020 --> 00:16:19.290
  • "Wait a minute.
  • 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.110
  • When I'm hanging around negative people with negative words,
  • 00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:24.250
  • they take me all the way to a negative destination.
  • 00:16:24.260 --> 00:16:27.240
  • When I hang around good people who are positive about their
  • 00:16:27.250 --> 00:16:31.250
  • words, they're taking me to a destination."
  • 00:16:31.260 --> 00:16:33.240
  • And I had to ask myself, "What have I contained on
  • 00:16:33.250 --> 00:16:38.130
  • the inside and what let go?"
  • 00:16:38.140 --> 00:16:40.290
  • I contained the thing I was exposed to,
  • 00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:46.200
  • and that thing that I was exposed to governed my thinking,
  • 00:16:46.210 --> 00:16:51.010
  • governed the way I feel, governed my decisions.
  • 00:16:51.020 --> 00:16:54.260
  • You said it a couple times.
  • 00:16:54.270 --> 00:16:56.200
  • You know, I would let things out,
  • 00:16:56.210 --> 00:16:58.240
  • but I don't know how they're gonna take it.
  • 00:16:58.250 --> 00:17:01.270
  • I know how they're gonna say this.
  • 00:17:01.280 --> 00:17:03.040
  • That goes all the way back to the day where your dad said,
  • 00:17:03.050 --> 00:17:05.220
  • "I wish you wasn't born."
  • 00:17:05.230 --> 00:17:07.180
  • And you bottled that in like you bottled everything else in,
  • 00:17:07.190 --> 00:17:11.080
  • but now you just got the results of having it bottled in;
  • 00:17:11.090 --> 00:17:14.170
  • an expression of anger, an expression of fear.
  • 00:17:14.180 --> 00:17:17.060
  • Have you ever felt like you are like the walking dead?
  • 00:17:17.070 --> 00:17:23.050
  • Like you're living, but you're dead on the inside?
  • 00:17:23.060 --> 00:17:27.040
  • Jonathan: Plenty of times.
  • 00:17:27.050 --> 00:17:28.090
  • I can remember being younger, and you know,
  • 00:17:28.100 --> 00:17:30.150
  • you would run, and you could feel your heartbeat,
  • 00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:32.160
  • and you knew you were alive.
  • 00:17:32.170 --> 00:17:34.030
  • You could feel it.
  • 00:17:34.040 --> 00:17:35.090
  • Later in life, especially as those darker moments became more
  • 00:17:35.100 --> 00:17:40.280
  • intense, it was like I couldn't even feel the heart in there.
  • 00:17:40.290 --> 00:17:44.270
  • But it was like it just--I'm just kinda
  • 00:17:44.280 --> 00:17:47.240
  • going through the motions.
  • 00:17:47.250 --> 00:17:49.120
  • I'm taking care of everybody else around me,
  • 00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:51.250
  • making sure that they have the support they need.
  • 00:17:51.260 --> 00:17:54.160
  • Creflo: But not you. Jonathan: But not me.
  • 00:17:54.170 --> 00:17:56.270
  • Creflo: Yeah, there's a part of you that's dead,
  • 00:17:56.280 --> 00:18:00.290
  • and that part of you is your spirit.
  • 00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:03.150
  • And that's what I had to realize,
  • 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:05.260
  • that this is not about a religious thing.
  • 00:18:05.270 --> 00:18:07.240
  • This is me trying to figure out how to turn the lights on on the
  • 00:18:07.250 --> 00:18:13.010
  • inside and he's the only one that can,
  • 00:18:13.020 --> 00:18:15.270
  • and that's when it changed.
  • 00:18:15.280 --> 00:18:17.210
  • I guess you could probably have had people say, "Go to church.
  • 00:18:17.220 --> 00:18:20.120
  • Just need a church.
  • 00:18:20.130 --> 00:18:21.280
  • Just pick a church out and go to church."
  • 00:18:21.290 --> 00:18:23.250
  • There's a Scripture in that Bible that says,
  • 00:18:23.260 --> 00:18:25.200
  • "In all your getting, get understanding."
  • 00:18:25.210 --> 00:18:28.020
  • And I began to pursue, Jonathan, understanding.
  • 00:18:28.030 --> 00:18:31.240
  • I gave my life to Jesus.
  • 00:18:31.250 --> 00:18:35.030
  • I was able to say, when somebody would say something bad to me,
  • 00:18:35.040 --> 00:18:37.230
  • "That hurt me and I would appreciate you not saying that."
  • 00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:43.020
  • I realized, how can I really love people if
  • 00:18:43.030 --> 00:18:47.180
  • I didn't love myself?
  • 00:18:47.190 --> 00:18:50.140
  • I gotta love me.
  • 00:18:50.150 --> 00:18:53.240
  • And when I love me, I can love others better,
  • 00:18:53.250 --> 00:18:58.090
  • and God taught me how to love me.
  • 00:18:58.100 --> 00:19:02.140
  • And that love that I have for myself began to come out,
  • 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:06.210
  • but something greater happened.
  • 00:19:06.220 --> 00:19:08.210
  • I didn't have to learn how to love me from my soul.
  • 00:19:08.220 --> 00:19:11.160
  • When I invited him to come in, he brought with him a
  • 00:19:11.170 --> 00:19:16.140
  • supernatural love that enabled me to love myself when I didn't
  • 00:19:16.150 --> 00:19:20.080
  • think I was lovely.
  • 00:19:20.090 --> 00:19:22.100
  • And Jonathan, I am telling you, take it from somebody who knows
  • 00:19:22.110 --> 00:19:25.180
  • where you're coming from, I will not look back.
  • 00:19:25.190 --> 00:19:28.230
  • I have not.
  • 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:29.290
  • I don't wanna look back because there's so much
  • 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:31.230
  • to look forward to.
  • 00:19:31.240 --> 00:19:33.070
  • Now, I'm gonna ask you a question in a moment.
  • 00:19:33.080 --> 00:19:35.030
  • I want you to hear what I'm saying.
  • 00:19:35.040 --> 00:19:36.260
  • I'm not talking to you from the perspective
  • 00:19:36.270 --> 00:19:38.230
  • of a therapist, a doctor.
  • 00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:42.150
  • I'm talking to you man to man.
  • 00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:48.160
  • Jonathan, you gotta invite the light to come into your life.
  • 00:19:48.170 --> 00:19:52.080
  • And when you invite the light of Jesus Christ to come into your
  • 00:19:52.090 --> 00:19:56.140
  • life, he feels that, here's what it is, void.
  • 00:19:56.150 --> 00:20:01.060
  • Based on what we've talked about,
  • 00:20:01.070 --> 00:20:02.250
  • would you let me pray with you and you ask
  • 00:20:02.260 --> 00:20:06.130
  • Jesus to come into your life?
  • 00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:09.020
  • Jonathan: Yeah.
  • 00:20:09.030 --> 00:20:12.150
  • Creflo: Can we do that together?
  • 00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:13.210
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:20:13.220 --> 00:20:15.040
  • Creflo: And I'm telling you, Jonathan, we believe
  • 00:20:18.110 --> 00:20:20.190
  • that the best is yet to come.
  • 00:20:20.200 --> 00:20:23.040
  • I want those of you who are watching by television,
  • 00:20:23.050 --> 00:20:26.040
  • that same advice will work for you,
  • 00:20:26.050 --> 00:20:29.050
  • and I want you to join me in this prayer.
  • 00:20:29.060 --> 00:20:31.180
  • Join me, and Jonathan, and our audience today in this prayer.
  • 00:20:31.190 --> 00:20:35.280
  • And listen, if you pray this prayer with us,
  • 00:20:35.290 --> 00:20:38.060
  • I want you to write us.
  • 00:20:38.070 --> 00:20:39.180
  • I want you to go online and tell us what's going on
  • 00:20:39.190 --> 00:20:41.150
  • and what happened to you.
  • 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:43.100
  • Catch hold my hand, John.
  • 00:20:43.110 --> 00:20:45.220
  • Father, in the name of Jesus,
  • 00:20:45.230 --> 00:20:48.040
  • I thank you for this man's life.
  • 00:20:48.050 --> 00:20:49.290
  • I thank you for his--all of his unsuccessful
  • 00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:53.210
  • attempts to kill himself.
  • 00:20:53.220 --> 00:20:56.280
  • Now Jesus, we look to you.
  • 00:20:56.290 --> 00:20:59.170
  • Jonathan, repeat after me. Heavenly Father.
  • 00:20:59.180 --> 00:21:02.200
  • Jonathan: Heavenly Father.
  • 00:21:02.210 --> 00:21:03.290
  • Creflo: Come into my heart.
  • 00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:05.230
  • Jonathan: Come into my heart.
  • 00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:07.180
  • Creflo: Fill the void. Jonathan: Fill the void.
  • 00:21:07.190 --> 00:21:09.200
  • Creflo: That I've tried to fill.
  • 00:21:09.210 --> 00:21:11.110
  • Jonathan: That I've tried to fill.
  • 00:21:11.120 --> 00:21:12.250
  • Creflo: Lord Jesus. Jonathan: Lord Jesus.
  • 00:21:12.260 --> 00:21:15.050
  • Creflo: Today. Jonathan: Today.
  • 00:21:15.060 --> 00:21:16.170
  • Creflo: I make you the Lord of my life.
  • 00:21:16.180 --> 00:21:18.060
  • Jonathan: I make you the Lord of my life.
  • 00:21:18.070 --> 00:21:20.010
  • Creflo: Save me. Jonathan: Save me.
  • 00:21:20.020 --> 00:21:21.250
  • Creflo: Help me. Jonathan: Help me.
  • 00:21:21.260 --> 00:21:23.160
  • Creflo: Heal me. Jonathan: Heal me.
  • 00:21:23.170 --> 00:21:25.040
  • Creflo: I receive you now.
  • 00:21:25.050 --> 00:21:26.210
  • Jonathan: I receive you now.
  • 00:21:26.220 --> 00:21:28.040
  • Creflo: Be the light. Jonathan: Be the light.
  • 00:21:28.050 --> 00:21:30.240
  • Creflo: That I need. Jonathan: That I need.
  • 00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:33.030
  • Creflo: And I declare. Jonathan: And I declare.
  • 00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:35.220
  • Creflo: No more depression.
  • 00:21:35.230 --> 00:21:37.020
  • Jonathan: No more depression.
  • 00:21:37.030 --> 00:21:38.160
  • Creflo: No more self-hate.
  • 00:21:38.170 --> 00:21:40.000
  • Jonathan: No more self-hate.
  • 00:21:40.010 --> 00:21:41.110
  • Creflo: No more self-doubt.
  • 00:21:41.120 --> 00:21:42.250
  • Jonathan: No more self-doubt.
  • 00:21:42.260 --> 00:21:44.050
  • Creflo: Because of you. Jonathan: Because of you.
  • 00:21:44.060 --> 00:21:46.030
  • Creflo: I receive. Jonathan: I receive.
  • 00:21:46.040 --> 00:21:47.230
  • Creflo: My freedom. Jonathan: My freedom.
  • 00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:49.240
  • Creflo: In Jesus's name. Jonathan: In Jesus's name.
  • 00:21:49.250 --> 00:21:52.010
  • Creflo: I'm saved. Jonathan: I'm saved.
  • 00:21:52.020 --> 00:21:54.000
  • Creflo: Amen. Jonathan: Amen.
  • 00:21:54.010 --> 00:21:55.070
  • Creflo: Welcome, my friend.
  • 00:21:55.080 --> 00:21:56.130
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:21:56.140 --> 00:21:58.290
  • Creflo: I wanna give you something to remember this day.
  • 00:22:03.020 --> 00:22:10.020
  • It's a grace covenant.
  • 00:22:10.030 --> 00:22:12.280
  • To Jonathan Todd Parker.
  • 00:22:12.290 --> 00:22:14.200
  • "I, Jonathan Todd Parker, accept this grace covenant provided to
  • 00:22:14.210 --> 00:22:18.140
  • me by Creflo Dollar and agree with the following statements.
  • 00:22:18.150 --> 00:22:20.290
  • I believe Jesus loves me and nothing will ever change that,
  • 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:24.140
  • and I will daily flood my life with the Word of God and the
  • 00:22:24.150 --> 00:22:27.280
  • praises of his saints."
  • 00:22:27.290 --> 00:22:30.020
  • I signed above "Pastor and Encourager."
  • 00:22:30.030 --> 00:22:32.080
  • I want you to sign above "The Righteousness of God,"
  • 00:22:32.090 --> 00:22:35.180
  • because that's exactly who you are.
  • 00:22:35.190 --> 00:22:39.030
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:22:39.040 --> 00:22:46.040
  • Creflo: Jonathan, I also wanna give you something to just
  • 00:22:46.220 --> 00:22:51.020
  • kinda, when you get home.
  • 00:22:51.030 --> 00:22:53.120
  • it's a teaching I did on how to win over depression.
  • 00:22:53.130 --> 00:22:56.290
  • Every time that sucker knocks on the door,
  • 00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:00.060
  • stick that in somewhere and listen to it,
  • 00:23:00.070 --> 00:23:01.290
  • and that'll help you out.
  • 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.170
  • And I also wanna give you the book that's
  • 00:23:04.180 --> 00:23:08.200
  • gonna change your life.
  • 00:23:08.210 --> 00:23:10.160
  • Give you a Word of God to change your life.
  • 00:23:10.170 --> 00:23:13.000
  • Now, have you ever felt alone, afraid,
  • 00:23:13.010 --> 00:23:17.230
  • or worse, like, you know, like you just kinda
  • 00:23:17.240 --> 00:23:21.100
  • wanted to end your life?
  • 00:23:21.110 --> 00:23:23.090
  • Well, God wants you to know that he has a plan for you and he
  • 00:23:23.100 --> 00:23:26.260
  • wants you to discover the life you deserve.
  • 00:23:26.270 --> 00:23:30.040
  • The world will try to tell you it's hopeless,
  • 00:23:30.050 --> 00:23:32.160
  • that you may as well quit, but his Word says the very opposite.
  • 00:23:32.170 --> 00:23:37.130
  • God has healing on every level already set aside for you and
  • 00:23:37.140 --> 00:23:40.240
  • he's just waiting for you to accept it.
  • 00:23:40.250 --> 00:23:43.240
  • Now listen, if there's something going on in your world and you
  • 00:23:43.250 --> 00:23:48.040
  • need help, or if you know someone,
  • 00:23:48.050 --> 00:23:50.070
  • a family member or friend, someone who needs help,
  • 00:23:50.080 --> 00:23:53.000
  • please call the number on the bottom of your screen or reach
  • 00:23:53.010 --> 00:23:56.160
  • out and connect with us online at yourworldwithcreflo.com.
  • 00:23:56.170 --> 00:24:00.250
  • Stay connected with me on Facebook,
  • 00:24:00.260 --> 00:24:02.180
  • Twitter, and Instagram, and know that I'd love to hear from you.
  • 00:24:02.190 --> 00:24:07.250
  • I'll see you next time right here on "Your World."
  • 00:24:07.260 --> 00:24:12.000
  • [audience applauding]
  • 00:24:12.010 --> 00:24:15.040
  • 00:24:18.020 --> 00:24:22.010
  • male announcer: Today, you met Jonathan,
  • 00:24:22.020 --> 00:24:23.080
  • who since the age of 15 has suffered social anxiety and
  • 00:24:23.090 --> 00:24:26.050
  • crippling depression, and at the lowest point in his life twice
  • 00:24:26.060 --> 00:24:30.060
  • tried to kill himself.
  • 00:24:30.070 --> 00:24:31.260
  • Today on "Your World," Jonathan has finally opened up and
  • 00:24:31.270 --> 00:24:35.120
  • admitted his need for help to battle his own self-hatred and
  • 00:24:35.130 --> 00:24:39.050
  • self-destructive habits.
  • 00:24:39.060 --> 00:24:40.280
  • He wants his self-doubt and depression to stop.
  • 00:24:40.290 --> 00:24:43.090
  • He wants to live.
  • 00:24:43.100 --> 00:24:45.150
  • Jonathan: As far back as I can remember,
  • 00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:46.270
  • I've always kind of had an internal doubt.
  • 00:24:46.280 --> 00:24:50.130
  • I would say it probably grew
  • 00:24:50.140 --> 00:24:52.150
  • through my parents' relationship.
  • 00:24:52.160 --> 00:24:54.250
  • And I just watched the way that--how they treated each
  • 00:24:54.260 --> 00:24:57.250
  • other and how they have fought a lot.
  • 00:24:57.260 --> 00:25:00.220
  • I think I started to internalize it to avoid conflict.
  • 00:25:00.230 --> 00:25:05.230
  • Creflo: So, you spent years bottling things
  • 00:25:05.240 --> 00:25:08.090
  • up on the inside.
  • 00:25:08.100 --> 00:25:10.080
  • Jonathan: Yeah, and then that would turn into anxiety.
  • 00:25:10.090 --> 00:25:12.210
  • The anxiety would turn into depression.
  • 00:25:12.220 --> 00:25:15.010
  • And then the mixture of those two things would turn into,
  • 00:25:15.020 --> 00:25:18.210
  • "It would just be better if you weren't here."
  • 00:25:18.220 --> 00:25:21.030
  • announcer: You or maybe someone you love may
  • 00:25:21.040 --> 00:25:22.210
  • also be suffering from depression.
  • 00:25:22.220 --> 00:25:24.290
  • In fact, 300 million around the world have depression according
  • 00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.110
  • to the World Health Organization,
  • 00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:31.090
  • and over 44.000 successfully commit suicide.
  • 00:25:31.100 --> 00:25:34.280
  • In his life-saving five-part DVD series,
  • 00:25:34.290 --> 00:25:37.090
  • "Delivered from Depression," Creflo Dollar confronts
  • 00:25:37.100 --> 00:25:40.080
  • depression through practical and biblical teaching.
  • 00:25:40.090 --> 00:25:42.230
  • To break free from depression, you must actively work at it.
  • 00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:46.080
  • You can't just put your head in the sand and ignore what you're
  • 00:25:46.090 --> 00:25:49.000
  • going through, and you can't just wish your pain away either.
  • 00:25:49.010 --> 00:25:51.280
  • Depression begins with your thoughts so it must be defeated
  • 00:25:51.290 --> 00:25:55.160
  • in your mind.
  • 00:25:55.170 --> 00:25:57.090
  • Creflo Dollar takes you step by step,
  • 00:25:57.100 --> 00:25:59.100
  • showing how to change the way you think and feel,
  • 00:25:59.110 --> 00:26:02.000
  • and help get you back on the path to joy and purpose.
  • 00:26:02.010 --> 00:26:05.070
  • And if you call now, you will also receive the full,
  • 00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:08.040
  • unedited DVD of today's program, "Hatred Turned Inward."
  • 00:26:08.050 --> 00:26:12.040
  • Now in its entirety, learn from Creflo Dollar's counseling of
  • 00:26:12.050 --> 00:26:15.130
  • Jonathan and apply them to your own life.
  • 00:26:15.140 --> 00:26:18.170
  • God has a great future prepared for you,
  • 00:26:18.180 --> 00:26:20.260
  • and no matter what you may be going through,
  • 00:26:20.270 --> 00:26:23.060
  • he is your way out.
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  • Call now and receive all five discs in the DVD series,
  • 00:26:25.070 --> 00:26:28.190
  • "Delivered from Depression," and the uncut,
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  • full interview between Creflo Dollar and Jonathan,
  • 00:26:31.010 --> 00:26:34.010
  • both for your tax-deductible donation of only $45 or more.
  • 00:26:34.020 --> 00:26:37.140
  • Call or go online right now receive this life-changing
  • 00:26:37.150 --> 00:26:40.190
  • collection for you or someone you care about.
  • 00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:42.260
  • There is hope and it's time to be lifted up
  • 00:26:42.270 --> 00:26:45.290
  • out of the darkness.
  • 00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:47.200
  • Our operators are standing by.
  • 00:26:47.210 --> 00:26:49.170
  • Call right now.
  • 00:26:49.180 --> 00:26:51.260
  • male announcer: Because of you,
  • 00:26:56.100 --> 00:26:57.160
  • Creflo Dollar Ministries is providing a new understanding
  • 00:26:57.170 --> 00:26:59.200
  • of grace and empowering change in the lives
  • 00:26:59.210 --> 00:27:02.180
  • of millions of people every day.
  • 00:27:02.190 --> 00:27:05.010
  • Thank you partners and friends.
  • 00:27:05.020 --> 00:27:07.080
  • Your love and financial support makes it possible to bring this
  • 00:27:07.090 --> 00:27:09.270
  • message into millions of homes all across the globe.
  • 00:27:09.280 --> 00:27:14.270
  • 00:27:14.280 --> 00:27:24.280
  • CC by Aberdeen Captioning 1-800-688-6621 www.abercap.com
  • 00:27:25.070 --> 00:27:29.070