No More Silence | Better Together | TBN

No More Silence | Better Together

Watch No More Silence | Better Together
September 9, 2019
28:37

It's time to speak openly about anxiety and depression. Do not suffer in silence. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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No More Silence | Better Together

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  • - Today we are exposing the danger of suffering in silence.
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  • It's time to drag anxiety and depression into the light.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - I remember a really vivid story.
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  • I was in second grade and my mum dropped me off at school
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  • and she said, "I won't be home tonight
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  • "when you get home from school."
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  • And I just remember not understanding what had happened.
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  • What I learnt now is that my mum
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  • actually had two nervous breakdowns
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  • when I was in elementary school and we were in church
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  • and she didn't have anybody to share with,
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  • this suffering that she was going through in a long time.
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  • Obviously now I know all the story,
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  • but I remember thinking about that time.
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  • Now that I look back I see
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  • that the women in the church at that time,
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  • they didn't know what to do with my mum.
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  • And so she had to leave the church, in the sense.
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  • We didn't leave church
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  • but she had to go outside the church for help
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  • and she went to this retreat center
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  • that took her through some healing and stuff
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  • but I remember that for her it was a huge stigma of shame.
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  • Because back in the '70's she got saved
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  • in the Jesus revival and I think back then,
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  • it wasn't a good thing to talk about your struggle
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  • with anxiety and fear
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  • because it then must have seemed to people,
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  • "Well I've diminished my ability to believe in Jesus,"
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  • or, "I'm not doing enough,"
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  • and so she suffered in silence for a long time
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  • and she says now, "I wish I'd had what you guys have
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  • "in my season of struggle,"
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  • because now it just seems so much more apparent
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  • that there's help in church
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  • and so that stigma that gets attached.
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  • That, "Oh, if you're struggling with something
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  • "as a Christian, then you're not a real Christian."
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  • - Right.
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  • I think that actually still exists.
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  • - Yep. - You know?
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  • And I think that it kind of depends
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  • on the church you're in, whether you feel that,
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  • but I just think still just because
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  • we just have a lot of religion
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  • so when people have this religious idea
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  • it's like, "I can't talk about having depression or anxiety
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  • "because it's gonna be a reflection on my faith,
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  • "and it's gonna be a reflection on how much I love,
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  • "I must not be praying enough,"
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  • or, "I must not be reading my Bible enough."
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  • And then I think when you get to the root of that though,
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  • it's just because they actually feel ashamed before God.
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  • It's not even just before people,
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  • I think it's because we think
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  • that God's gonna be disappointed in us.
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  • At least for me, in my struggle after the birth of my
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  • third child I struggled with post partum depression
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  • and I didn't really know what that was,
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  • and if I'm honest, and I hate admitting this
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  • 'cause I'm actually ashamed--
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  • - You have to be honest on this show.
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  • - Number one. - It's part of it.
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  • Well, the thing is that I probably was one of those people
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  • that was a little judgy about depression
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  • because I hadn't gone through it before
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  • and I hate saying that now
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  • because I'm somebody who has gone through it
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  • but I was a little judgy like,
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  • "What do you mean you're depressed?"
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  • - Yeah, like, "Get over it." - That's a worldly problem.
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  • And you just don't really think about it
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  • as somebody who's a Christian and a follower of Christ
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  • and then until I went through it,
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  • and I think it's actually one of the things
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  • that kept me in a really dark space
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  • is because I was like, "Well surely this isn't depression.
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  • "Surely it's not because we don't struggle with that."
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  • And then I was so ashamed because I'm somebody
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  • who's on a platform trying to minister to everybody else
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  • about, "Okay well just say these Scriptures
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  • "and sing these songs," and I was like,
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  • "Well I can't admit it because then it's gonna be like,
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  • "'well what a fraud,'" then when you don't admit it
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  • you feel like even a bigger fraud
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  • because you're like, "I'm such a fake,
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  • "I'm getting out there all the time and singing all my songs
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  • "and I don't even believe my own songs."
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  • And then I felt like such a fraud
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  • and it was just this constant cycle
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  • that I realized, for me anyway,
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  • I had to get over myself.
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  • You know what I mean?
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  • I didn't just have to get over it, I had to get over myself.
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  • That constant thing of me, and when you stop it
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  • and you're like, "Wait, I'm kind of at the center
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  • "of all of this, I'm at the center of the depression,
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  • "I'm at the center of not feeling good,
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  • "I'm at the center of not wanting to share,
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  • "I'm at the center of feeling ashamed,
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  • "I'm at the center of."
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  • And then you're like, "Uh oh."
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  • I had to get over myself and I think that that
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  • first step for me was being honest.
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  • - Yes. - And then you're honest
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  • and you realize, "Oh my goodness, I am not alone."
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  • - I think one of the reasons why we tend not to tell people
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  • that we might struggle with some things
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  • is because we want everything to be perfect
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  • and we wanna come off so perfect to everybody
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  • and I think it's refreshing to know
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  • that people go through things
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  • but that they come out victorious
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  • and I think that's the whole point of life is that
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  • we take Jesus through our stuff and He goes with us
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  • and He's right there, so don't ever be ashamed
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  • and don't let the enemy accuse you even further by saying,
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  • "Oh your walk with the Lord might not be right,
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  • "so you can't tell them, you can't share that,
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  • "you can't help somebody else out of their pain
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  • "'cause you don't wanna tell 'em about yours."
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  • - But when you say your first step to the honest,
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  • was it with yourself, was it with God,
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  • was it with somebody else?
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  • 'Cause I think that's my struggle,
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  • is I'm honest with myself. - Oh yeah, oh yeah.
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  • - Like I know I'm in a pit right now.
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  • For me it's, "Okay, I can't do this by myself,
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  • "but who am I going to tell about this?"
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  • You know?
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  • - I think for me it was being honest with others
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  • because I am honest with myself too.
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  • I think I'm pretty self aware.
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  • Maybe when you think you're self aware you're actually not,
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  • I don't know. (all laughing)
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  • You think you're self aware, then you're like,
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  • "Actually no, that means you're not self aware at all."
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  • (laughing)
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  • I think I'm honest with myself
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  • and I was even honest with God.
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  • I do think sometimes, like you said, I'm in a pit.
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  • If you're in a pit, did you ever find
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  • that it's easier to stay there?
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  • - Absolutely, it's this weird--
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  • - It's this weird thing where you're like,
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  • "I'm in this pit, and I actually know
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  • "what I need to do to get out."
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  • - Exactly.
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  • - [Natalie] "But I just don't even want to do the work."
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  • - It comes with apathy for me, when I am laying in my bed
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  • for 24 hours a day, just pulling out my iPad
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  • when I want some entertainment.
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  • When I've got black out curtains in my house,
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  • it's literally dark, like it's in the dark.
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  • And when I'm there, I know it would be good for me
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  • to get up and to get some sunshine.
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  • It would be good for me to stop eating all of this sugar.
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  • It would be good for me to exercise.
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  • It would be good for me to go and be with people.
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  • But then I'm laying in that bed, and it's...
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  • This is weird to say, but it's comfortable
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  • and it's miserable, all at the same time.
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  • It's comfortable 'cause it's what I've always done,
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  • but it's miserable and I recognize that.
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  • When I am in that dark place of depression,
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  • it's so easy for me to just stay there
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  • because I'm a single girl, I live by myself,
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  • I've got introvert tendencies and so
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  • there is a certain amount of me
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  • that actually needs to be alone to recharge.
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  • For me though, when it starts to go
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  • into that dangerous place of isolation
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  • and not letting anybody in, that is when I realize
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  • that I can either keep going down this path,
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  • going deeper and deeper into that pit
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  • or I can do something to get myself out
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  • and that usually means being with people,
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  • it means going out and getting sunshine in my life.
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  • You'd be amazed at the impact that vitamin D has.
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  • It means actually exercising.
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  • Exercising gives endorphins and it's just incredible
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  • the things that your body needs
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  • in order to come out of that place of destruction.
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  • So I guess what I would encourage people to do
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  • is to let somebody in in those areas,
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  • but actually do take some steps in order to get out.
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  • Exercising and eating healthy
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  • and just having coffee with a friend.
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  • - I've had those exact days and sometimes mine are
  • 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:26.200
  • a little closer to the 72 hour period, personally.
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  • And a lot of it for me has just been,
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  • I realized I thought I was developing coping mechanisms
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  • because I would get to the end of it
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  • and then I'd have a show that weekend
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  • or I'd have to put makeup on
  • 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:42.070
  • or I'd have to show up on my Instagram
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  • so people would know I was alive,
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  • and so I was like, "Okay fine, I was in bed for three days,
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  • "I'm fine though 'cause I got out of bed for two."
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  • And it almost feels physically debilitating.
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  • There comes a point where I lose that consciousness
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  • of, "I should get up," and I almost feel,
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  • well I do feel physically incapacitated.
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  • Maybe that's the right word?
  • 00:09:04.200 --> 00:09:06.100
  • The thing that's kind of helped me get out of it,
  • 00:09:06.100 --> 00:09:08.080
  • one, my relationship with my mom has been really good
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  • and my sister as well, but the most interesting part now
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  • is being married because I got really good
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  • at going in my room 'cause nobody else goes in there
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  • and like now I share a room.
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  • And I remember the first day that I had a panic attack,
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  • this was two, three months into our marriage
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  • and I went in the room and closed the door,
  • 00:09:32.140 --> 00:09:34.050
  • and he followed me and I was like, "Oh I'm sorry.
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  • "This is where I go for my meltdowns,
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  • "you can just sit in the kitchen."
  • 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:41.170
  • And he was like, "But I wanna go in my room,"
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  • and I was like, "I share it, dang it, this is our room now."
  • 00:09:43.050 --> 00:09:48.050
  • - [Laurie] Now this is our panic attack.
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  • (all laughing) - Yeah, and I'm like,
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  • "This isn't fair.
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  • "I miss my isolation."
  • 00:09:52.230 --> 00:09:53.180
  • And so I really kind of developed
  • 00:09:55.030 --> 00:09:57.110
  • and he really helped me develop that.
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  • I've kind of just developed this phrase
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  • of intentional isolation.
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  • It was really his idea, I don't even know if he knows
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  • that it was his idea.
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  • We'll say it was my idea.
  • 00:10:07.140 --> 00:10:09.090
  • He sat with me and he said, "Do you wanna talk?"
  • 00:10:09.090 --> 00:10:12.010
  • And I was like, "No."
  • 00:10:12.010 --> 00:10:13.150
  • And he was like, "What do you need?"
  • 00:10:13.150 --> 00:10:14.220
  • And I said, "I need to be by myself."
  • 00:10:14.220 --> 00:10:17.010
  • So he said to me, "I know you wanna be by yourself
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  • "but I don't feel safe leaving you by yourself.
  • 00:10:19.250 --> 00:10:22.020
  • "So I'm just gonna sit here until you're ready to talk."
  • 00:10:22.020 --> 00:10:25.140
  • And it was a solid four hours before I was ready.
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  • - Oh my God, I'm gonna cry at that.
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  • - I do that with my sister now.
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  • The other night I literally had a really bad panic attack
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  • as I was about to start driving her car
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  • and my sister said, "I don't feel safe with you driving,
  • 00:10:37.220 --> 00:10:40.110
  • "and I know you don't want me to talk."
  • 00:10:40.110 --> 00:10:42.090
  • So she said, "Why don't you just sit here,
  • 00:10:42.090 --> 00:10:43.290
  • "do what you gotta do and I'll sit here with you."
  • 00:10:43.290 --> 00:10:46.130
  • I don't have that with everybody,
  • 00:10:47.190 --> 00:10:49.050
  • I have it with a very small group of people in my life
  • 00:10:49.050 --> 00:10:51.150
  • but it's that understanding of
  • 00:10:51.150 --> 00:10:53.130
  • I'm not where everybody else is.
  • 00:10:55.230 --> 00:10:57.170
  • Some people can get out of the bed
  • 00:10:57.170 --> 00:10:59.030
  • and that's how they fight their anxiety or depression.
  • 00:10:59.030 --> 00:11:01.040
  • I'm not ready to do that right now.
  • 00:11:01.040 --> 00:11:03.110
  • But I chose to do what I can do.
  • 00:11:03.110 --> 00:11:06.020
  • And even if my step looks so much smaller
  • 00:11:06.020 --> 00:11:08.110
  • than somebody else's step,
  • 00:11:08.110 --> 00:11:09.180
  • even if my recovery doesn't look as complete
  • 00:11:09.180 --> 00:11:13.020
  • as someone else's, I know that God
  • 00:11:13.020 --> 00:11:14.230
  • is still working through these baby steps.
  • 00:11:14.230 --> 00:11:17.020
  • Something that has really helped me with coping through
  • 00:11:17.020 --> 00:11:20.210
  • just so many of the complexities of life
  • 00:11:21.270 --> 00:11:23.230
  • has been allowing myself the freedom
  • 00:11:23.230 --> 00:11:26.020
  • to speak things out loud that I'm thinking
  • 00:11:26.020 --> 00:11:30.020
  • that are not necessarily true
  • 00:11:30.020 --> 00:11:31.240
  • because I'm really good at hiding myself in my room
  • 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:34.220
  • and being like, "The world hates me!"
  • 00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:36.200
  • But allowing myself to speak out loud,
  • 00:11:37.250 --> 00:11:39.180
  • I feel as though these people don't like me,
  • 00:11:39.180 --> 00:11:42.150
  • or I feel as though everything's falling apart
  • 00:11:42.150 --> 00:11:46.030
  • and then immediately following it up with the truth.
  • 00:11:46.030 --> 00:11:49.000
  • So even if I'm not exactly sure how much I believe,
  • 00:11:49.000 --> 00:11:53.030
  • I at least know what the truth is beyond a shadow of a doubt
  • 00:11:53.030 --> 00:11:56.090
  • and so I will say, "I feel like everything is falling apart,
  • 00:11:56.090 --> 00:12:00.050
  • "but I know that God has it all under control."
  • 00:12:00.050 --> 00:12:03.020
  • And marriage has really helped me in that way
  • 00:12:03.020 --> 00:12:06.080
  • because if the accountability is much different
  • 00:12:06.080 --> 00:12:09.220
  • than it being my mom or my sister,
  • 00:12:09.220 --> 00:12:11.040
  • who are great accountability partners,
  • 00:12:11.040 --> 00:12:12.180
  • but to have my husband who's there all the time.
  • 00:12:12.180 --> 00:12:15.090
  • He's my roommate so he's able to really hold me accountable
  • 00:12:15.090 --> 00:12:18.220
  • and make sure that I'm not
  • 00:12:18.220 --> 00:12:20.090
  • allowing those negative thoughts to consume all my energy.
  • 00:12:20.090 --> 00:12:24.040
  • - I had to come to the place in my life and even now,
  • 00:12:24.040 --> 00:12:28.050
  • I don't struggle with depression anymore
  • 00:12:28.050 --> 00:12:31.080
  • but when I struggle with anxiety,
  • 00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:33.200
  • I have to realize that I actually
  • 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:36.160
  • have to take responsibility.
  • 00:12:36.160 --> 00:12:38.280
  • Because this idea that it's happening to me
  • 00:12:38.280 --> 00:12:43.080
  • and that I don't have any ability,
  • 00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:46.260
  • I had to realize that actually isn't true
  • 00:12:46.260 --> 00:12:49.110
  • and I'm asking God to do something for me
  • 00:12:49.110 --> 00:12:52.030
  • that He's already done.
  • 00:12:52.030 --> 00:12:54.080
  • And so then it's like, "Okay, I have to get to the place
  • 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:57.060
  • "where I realize I'm in this pit, He's extended his hand,"
  • 00:12:57.060 --> 00:13:02.050
  • and we expect God to do all the work.
  • 00:13:03.100 --> 00:13:04.160
  • We don't have to do work for our salvation,
  • 00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:06.210
  • but we actually do have to do work when it comes to
  • 00:13:06.210 --> 00:13:09.120
  • getting to a place of health.
  • 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:11.100
  • We have to take a hold of the hand that He's extending,
  • 00:13:11.100 --> 00:13:14.020
  • we have to receive the grace He's giving
  • 00:13:14.020 --> 00:13:16.140
  • and we have to do the work of saying his Scripture.
  • 00:13:16.140 --> 00:13:20.070
  • I have to speak Scripture out loud.
  • 00:13:20.070 --> 00:13:21.260
  • I can't read it.
  • 00:13:21.260 --> 00:13:24.000
  • I speak it loud.
  • 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:25.140
  • - It's a double edged sword isn't it?
  • 00:13:25.140 --> 00:13:26.270
  • 'Cause you're speaking it into the atmosphere.
  • 00:13:26.270 --> 00:13:29.090
  • - Yes.
  • 00:13:29.090 --> 00:13:30.250
  • - But you're also hearing it and faith comes by hearing.
  • 00:13:30.250 --> 00:13:33.160
  • Where it gets dangerous is we stay isolated in our thoughts
  • 00:13:33.160 --> 00:13:38.160
  • and this is where the enemy wreaks havoc
  • 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.260
  • because it's a battlefield of the mind.
  • 00:13:40.260 --> 00:13:43.060
  • - I think the greatest barrier that I had to overcome
  • 00:13:43.060 --> 00:13:46.190
  • throughout this process is the shame.
  • 00:13:46.190 --> 00:13:49.030
  • There's something about shame that makes you feel,
  • 00:13:49.030 --> 00:13:51.170
  • not that you've done something wrong,
  • 00:13:51.170 --> 00:13:53.050
  • but that you are something wrong.
  • 00:13:53.050 --> 00:13:54.270
  • And so when I would be battling with depression
  • 00:13:54.270 --> 00:13:57.280
  • I could not get myself out of that place
  • 00:13:57.280 --> 00:14:00.190
  • of feeling that I'm a horrible person
  • 00:14:00.190 --> 00:14:02.180
  • because this is not something that a Christian
  • 00:14:02.180 --> 00:14:04.080
  • should be battling with.
  • 00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:05.150
  • And so when I came to realize that
  • 00:14:05.150 --> 00:14:07.150
  • there are no such thing as perfect people,
  • 00:14:07.150 --> 00:14:09.210
  • that gave me just a freedom to recognize
  • 00:14:09.210 --> 00:14:12.170
  • that I don't have to be perfect but I need to walk
  • 00:14:12.170 --> 00:14:14.270
  • in relationship with the only perfect person who ever was.
  • 00:14:14.270 --> 00:14:18.170
  • - If you need some friends to lift you up,
  • 00:14:18.170 --> 00:14:20.280
  • you just might find them right here.
  • 00:14:20.280 --> 00:14:22.210
  • - Connect with us on social media
  • 00:14:22.210 --> 00:14:24.060
  • and let us know how we can pray for you.
  • 00:14:24.060 --> 00:14:26.120
  • - Sometimes when you're in the middle
  • 00:14:29.020 --> 00:14:30.220
  • of maybe a panic attack
  • 00:14:30.220 --> 00:14:33.010
  • or you can feel that sense of being overwhelmed
  • 00:14:33.010 --> 00:14:37.200
  • and you feel anxiety in waves coming upon you,
  • 00:14:37.200 --> 00:14:40.210
  • you have a decision to make.
  • 00:14:40.210 --> 00:14:42.260
  • And this is where you've got to
  • 00:14:42.260 --> 00:14:44.200
  • have Scripture inside of you.
  • 00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:47.060
  • It's not the time to go to your Bible sometimes
  • 00:14:47.060 --> 00:14:49.210
  • when you can't in the moment and pick it open
  • 00:14:49.210 --> 00:14:52.170
  • and try and find a Scripture,
  • 00:14:52.170 --> 00:14:54.080
  • but actually knowing Scripture that's in your heart.
  • 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:57.240
  • The Bible says that the word of God never returns void
  • 00:14:57.240 --> 00:15:00.060
  • but it will accomplish that
  • 00:15:00.060 --> 00:15:01.260
  • which it was set out to accomplish.
  • 00:15:03.140 --> 00:15:05.110
  • And so what you wanna do is be able to go,
  • 00:15:05.110 --> 00:15:08.080
  • if you struggle with fear, there's that Scripture that says,
  • 00:15:09.270 --> 00:15:12.090
  • "For God did not give us a spirit of fear
  • 00:15:12.090 --> 00:15:14.100
  • "but of love, power and of sound mind,"
  • 00:15:14.100 --> 00:15:17.020
  • and continually repeat that over.
  • 00:15:17.020 --> 00:15:19.090
  • And not even just think about it,
  • 00:15:19.090 --> 00:15:21.060
  • but declare it because the word
  • 00:15:21.060 --> 00:15:23.190
  • is so much more powerful when it is spoken,
  • 00:15:23.190 --> 00:15:26.200
  • 'cause it's like a double edged sword.
  • 00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:28.090
  • Not only are you shifting things in the atmospheres,
  • 00:15:28.090 --> 00:15:31.120
  • every time we speak a word,
  • 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:32.290
  • it creates something in our world.
  • 00:15:32.290 --> 00:15:35.080
  • So whether you speak positive,
  • 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:36.230
  • you know there's life and death in the power of the tongue.
  • 00:15:36.230 --> 00:15:39.200
  • And so you speak, but not only are you speaking something
  • 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:42.250
  • into the atmosphere but you're listening and you're hearing
  • 00:15:42.250 --> 00:15:45.210
  • and the Bible says that faith comes by hearing
  • 00:15:45.210 --> 00:15:47.210
  • and hearing the word of God,
  • 00:15:47.210 --> 00:15:49.020
  • so when you're speaking the word of God,
  • 00:15:49.020 --> 00:15:51.210
  • it does something to renew your mind
  • 00:15:51.210 --> 00:15:54.160
  • because God's given us all authority to overcome everything.
  • 00:15:54.160 --> 00:15:59.100
  • So the same spirit that lives in Christ lives in us,
  • 00:15:59.100 --> 00:16:02.190
  • so now it's a decision.
  • 00:16:02.190 --> 00:16:04.050
  • I say this to my children when they say, "I can't,"
  • 00:16:04.050 --> 00:16:07.120
  • or, "I can."
  • 00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:08.270
  • I said, "There's no such thing as I can or I can't,
  • 00:16:08.270 --> 00:16:10.240
  • "it's a choice of I will or I won't."
  • 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:13.190
  • - Oh, that's good.
  • 00:16:13.190 --> 00:16:15.060
  • - Because you can actually do all things,
  • 00:16:15.060 --> 00:16:17.280
  • or you choose not to but it's an act of the will.
  • 00:16:17.280 --> 00:16:21.190
  • I will, even if I don't feel like it, praise the Lord.
  • 00:16:21.190 --> 00:16:25.220
  • I will, even if I can't get out of bed,
  • 00:16:25.220 --> 00:16:28.240
  • I will get somebody to put Scripture on
  • 00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:30.210
  • so it is penetrating my ears. - Yes.
  • 00:16:30.210 --> 00:16:32.250
  • - I will do whatever it takes,
  • 00:16:32.250 --> 00:16:35.030
  • even if it doesn't happen overnight
  • 00:16:35.030 --> 00:16:36.230
  • but I will make a decision.
  • 00:16:36.230 --> 00:16:38.140
  • 'Cause I remember my husband went through
  • 00:16:38.140 --> 00:16:40.010
  • a season of massive depression as well,
  • 00:16:40.010 --> 00:16:42.220
  • and I actually believe it was a spiritual thing.
  • 00:16:42.220 --> 00:16:45.040
  • But that season of him being in fetal position
  • 00:16:46.090 --> 00:16:49.090
  • and I thought, "Okay, I'm his wife, I can sit here
  • 00:16:49.090 --> 00:16:53.060
  • "and watch it as it takes place,
  • 00:16:53.060 --> 00:16:55.130
  • "or I can pray."
  • 00:16:55.130 --> 00:16:59.070
  • And I will go into bat and warfare
  • 00:16:59.070 --> 00:17:01.060
  • because God's given us authority over our families,
  • 00:17:01.060 --> 00:17:04.130
  • over ourselves, over that that he's given us power,
  • 00:17:04.130 --> 00:17:08.180
  • so I've got authority over that.
  • 00:17:08.180 --> 00:17:09.280
  • So now I'm gonna begin to pray
  • 00:17:09.280 --> 00:17:11.210
  • and it was not a day, it was not a week,
  • 00:17:11.210 --> 00:17:15.270
  • it was about a year of constant warfare
  • 00:17:15.270 --> 00:17:19.260
  • of declaring the truth over him.
  • 00:17:19.260 --> 00:17:22.000
  • Warfaring that battlefield over him,
  • 00:17:22.000 --> 00:17:24.170
  • when some days he couldn't get up.
  • 00:17:24.170 --> 00:17:26.150
  • He couldn't but I was like, "I'm getting in there with you."
  • 00:17:26.150 --> 00:17:29.160
  • - You would do it with-- - No, I would actually go down
  • 00:17:29.160 --> 00:17:32.130
  • into his studio where it was soundproof
  • 00:17:32.130 --> 00:17:35.020
  • and some days it was two or three in the morning
  • 00:17:35.020 --> 00:17:37.040
  • because I knew, I could feel that wrestle
  • 00:17:37.040 --> 00:17:39.090
  • and I went, "Okay Lord, you have given me all authority,
  • 00:17:39.090 --> 00:17:41.270
  • "therefore I'm gonna come in and a bat."
  • 00:17:41.270 --> 00:17:43.170
  • And he'll tell you, he goes, "I thank God for my wife
  • 00:17:43.170 --> 00:17:46.180
  • "because it was a year of warfare that I would not let up,"
  • 00:17:46.180 --> 00:17:50.120
  • and go in about vehement.
  • 00:17:50.120 --> 00:17:51.180
  • But the thing is, I loved that we were able
  • 00:17:51.180 --> 00:17:54.130
  • to have safe people to talk to.
  • 00:17:54.130 --> 00:17:56.200
  • - I think you in this moment, not to point you out.
  • 00:17:56.200 --> 00:17:59.190
  • - Please, point me out.
  • 00:17:59.190 --> 00:18:01.050
  • - But I think you because you have not married.
  • 00:18:01.050 --> 00:18:03.020
  • So I think of you and I go,
  • 00:18:03.020 --> 00:18:04.180
  • "Okay, she's hearing these stories of people's spouses
  • 00:18:04.180 --> 00:18:07.120
  • "stepping in for them," and so I think,
  • 00:18:07.120 --> 00:18:10.170
  • 'cause I've known you for years
  • 00:18:12.030 --> 00:18:13.100
  • and we have similar personality types
  • 00:18:13.100 --> 00:18:14.260
  • where we're like (screeching) to everybody
  • 00:18:14.260 --> 00:18:17.040
  • but we actually like to be alone.
  • 00:18:18.090 --> 00:18:21.140
  • And so when I'm in the midst of suffering,
  • 00:18:21.140 --> 00:18:24.010
  • it's really easy to isolate because I actually,
  • 00:18:24.010 --> 00:18:26.130
  • the thought of having somebody just sit there
  • 00:18:26.130 --> 00:18:28.110
  • and read Scripture to me, I might punch them in the face.
  • 00:18:28.110 --> 00:18:31.000
  • (laughing)
  • 00:18:31.000 --> 00:18:33.070
  • - I know this is from Jesus,
  • 00:18:35.190 --> 00:18:36.200
  • but can we talk to Him tomorrow?
  • 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:39.010
  • - So how, and especially for all the single people watching.
  • 00:18:39.010 --> 00:18:43.050
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:18:43.050 --> 00:18:44.160
  • - What do we say, and that I'm not a person
  • 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:48.000
  • that needs many friends but I need like one or two.
  • 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.070
  • That one that, and do you feel like,
  • 00:18:52.070 --> 00:18:54.210
  • "Okay, I have that, I've invited that into my life," or?
  • 00:18:54.210 --> 00:18:58.060
  • - It's interesting.
  • 00:18:58.060 --> 00:18:59.070
  • Okay, it's okay to cry right? - Yes!
  • 00:19:00.130 --> 00:19:02.080
  • 'Cause that's probably going to happen.
  • 00:19:02.080 --> 00:19:04.270
  • I just got off a long tour. - Yeah.
  • 00:19:04.270 --> 00:19:08.240
  • - Everything that I wanted to do when I got home
  • 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:11.110
  • was to just sit in my bed.
  • 00:19:11.110 --> 00:19:13.040
  • There is a part of me that goes, "I actually deserve this,
  • 00:19:13.040 --> 00:19:16.090
  • "I actually need some time to just be by myself,"
  • 00:19:16.090 --> 00:19:19.140
  • and too, when you're around thousands of people every day,
  • 00:19:19.140 --> 00:19:22.010
  • yeah it's recharging, however,
  • 00:19:22.010 --> 00:19:24.060
  • there comes a point where it is,
  • 00:19:24.060 --> 00:19:25.190
  • "Okay, now I'm going over to this danger zone,
  • 00:19:25.190 --> 00:19:28.100
  • "now it's dangerous."
  • 00:19:28.100 --> 00:19:29.200
  • You're my pastor, I've not been to church once
  • 00:19:30.250 --> 00:19:33.060
  • since I got back off of tour
  • 00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:36.040
  • and I cannot explain what it feels like
  • 00:19:36.040 --> 00:19:38.120
  • to be in my bed and to know,
  • 00:19:38.120 --> 00:19:39.230
  • "Okay, I need to get up and go to church,"
  • 00:19:39.230 --> 00:19:41.290
  • but to feel, the thought that comes to my mind is,
  • 00:19:41.290 --> 00:19:44.250
  • "I don't want to, I don't care."
  • 00:19:44.250 --> 00:19:47.080
  • Yeah, and because I live by myself,
  • 00:19:47.080 --> 00:19:49.070
  • because I've got introvert tendencies,
  • 00:19:49.070 --> 00:19:51.130
  • it's so easy for me to just stay in that place
  • 00:19:51.130 --> 00:19:53.240
  • and so I've got friends who will reach out to me.
  • 00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:57.050
  • I've got actually intercessor group.
  • 00:19:58.110 --> 00:19:59.260
  • They will pray over me, they will read Scripture,
  • 00:19:59.260 --> 00:20:01.210
  • they will send me texts.
  • 00:20:01.210 --> 00:20:02.290
  • I just ignore it.
  • 00:20:02.290 --> 00:20:04.070
  • And so I guess, I don't know what the answer is
  • 00:20:04.070 --> 00:20:07.040
  • but I feel like part of why I'm here right now,
  • 00:20:07.040 --> 00:20:10.290
  • I'm certainly not an authority on it,
  • 00:20:10.290 --> 00:20:12.210
  • but part of what I know God is doing
  • 00:20:12.210 --> 00:20:14.200
  • is He's providing a way out so that I can stand up under it.
  • 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:17.260
  • - Depression can lead to a really, really tragic place.
  • 00:20:17.260 --> 00:20:22.260
  • I just know of too many people who have allowed
  • 00:20:26.050 --> 00:20:30.230
  • that depression to spiral to a place
  • 00:20:30.230 --> 00:20:33.050
  • where they take their life
  • 00:20:33.050 --> 00:20:34.200
  • and it's something that, left unchecked,
  • 00:20:34.200 --> 00:20:39.180
  • will always lead to a very dangerous place.
  • 00:20:40.250 --> 00:20:44.080
  • Always.
  • 00:20:44.080 --> 00:20:45.160
  • It will destroy your relationships
  • 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:47.160
  • and it can ultimately end your life.
  • 00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:49.180
  • So I think that number one,
  • 00:20:49.180 --> 00:20:51.240
  • it's imperative to seek help and counsel about it
  • 00:20:51.240 --> 00:20:56.170
  • because we trick ourselves or fool ourselves
  • 00:20:56.170 --> 00:21:01.130
  • into believing that we can do this on our own
  • 00:21:01.130 --> 00:21:05.110
  • and we're made to need the Lord
  • 00:21:05.110 --> 00:21:10.000
  • and the way the Lord often works is through each other,
  • 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:14.110
  • and I think that's why it's really important
  • 00:21:14.110 --> 00:21:17.100
  • to bring it in the light and if you don't...
  • 00:21:17.100 --> 00:21:19.240
  • The longer you're in the pit,
  • 00:21:21.080 --> 00:21:23.060
  • the easier it is to stay there
  • 00:21:23.060 --> 00:21:24.200
  • and I think that's why it's important to reach out.
  • 00:21:24.200 --> 00:21:28.070
  • - I think one of the best ways
  • 00:21:28.070 --> 00:21:29.230
  • that women can support each other is being intentional.
  • 00:21:29.230 --> 00:21:33.100
  • Not thinking like, "Oh let me send this person a text,"
  • 00:21:33.100 --> 00:21:36.010
  • and just be like, "Hey, what's up?"
  • 00:21:36.010 --> 00:21:37.200
  • But sending them a text and saying,
  • 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:39.040
  • "Hey, last time we talked I know that this was on your mind.
  • 00:21:39.040 --> 00:21:42.020
  • "How is your heart now?"
  • 00:21:42.020 --> 00:21:43.210
  • Being very intentional and open and honest
  • 00:21:43.210 --> 00:21:46.040
  • and just choosing people, just simply waking up
  • 00:21:46.040 --> 00:21:50.220
  • and saying, "How can I love on this person today?
  • 00:21:50.220 --> 00:21:52.200
  • "How can I support this person?
  • 00:21:52.200 --> 00:21:54.070
  • "How can I go out to lunch
  • 00:21:54.070 --> 00:21:55.180
  • "and not just sit there and think,
  • 00:21:55.180 --> 00:21:57.030
  • "'Oh, I gotta tell them what's going on in my life,'
  • 00:21:57.030 --> 00:21:59.050
  • "but how can I sit there and genuinely listen
  • 00:21:59.050 --> 00:22:00.280
  • "to everything that's going on in their lives?"
  • 00:22:00.280 --> 00:22:03.160
  • I think if we all did that,
  • 00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:04.270
  • #worldpeace but I think it's just
  • 00:22:06.020 --> 00:22:08.250
  • a really beautiful thing to be intentional
  • 00:22:08.250 --> 00:22:10.160
  • in every aspect of our lives.
  • 00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:12.000
  • - [Alex] You can watch, "Better Together,"
  • 00:22:13.180 --> 00:22:14.210
  • episodes on demand.
  • 00:22:14.210 --> 00:22:16.080
  • Go to bettertogether.tv to stream
  • 00:22:16.080 --> 00:22:18.180
  • all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:22:18.180 --> 00:22:20.100
  • - I think I would, this is totally just super bold to say,
  • 00:22:23.080 --> 00:22:27.100
  • but I would give permission to one person, just one.
  • 00:22:27.100 --> 00:22:31.220
  • That's all you need is just one,
  • 00:22:31.220 --> 00:22:33.110
  • and give them the key to your house.
  • 00:22:33.110 --> 00:22:35.020
  • - Yeah.
  • 00:22:35.020 --> 00:22:35.260
  • I've actually had that.
  • 00:22:35.260 --> 00:22:37.180
  • - We talked about this yesterday.
  • 00:22:37.180 --> 00:22:39.020
  • - [Natalie] Yeah, I would give them a key to your house.
  • 00:22:39.020 --> 00:22:41.090
  • - And I said, "You have to have a plan in place."
  • 00:22:41.090 --> 00:22:42.230
  • - Somebody can come in, whether you want them there or not.
  • 00:22:42.230 --> 00:22:44.160
  • (all talking over one another)
  • 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:45.230
  • - 'Cause I remember, I know I'm married
  • 00:22:45.230 --> 00:22:47.170
  • but I've been married for 370 days so not that long.
  • 00:22:47.170 --> 00:22:50.130
  • (all laughing)
  • 00:22:50.130 --> 00:22:52.000
  • We've had so many single lady conversations.
  • 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:53.150
  • - You've been my fellow single
  • 00:22:53.150 --> 00:22:54.150
  • but now you're not that anymore.
  • 00:22:54.150 --> 00:22:56.130
  • - I'm sorry.
  • 00:22:56.130 --> 00:22:57.130
  • Well, I'm not, sorry not sorry.
  • 00:22:57.130 --> 00:22:58.220
  • But no, I think one thing with you
  • 00:22:58.220 --> 00:23:01.240
  • is just being very specific with that.
  • 00:23:01.240 --> 00:23:04.210
  • Having a friend that not only calls and says,
  • 00:23:04.210 --> 00:23:07.120
  • "Hey, are you okay?"
  • 00:23:07.120 --> 00:23:08.250
  • But that says, "I haven't seen you at church,"
  • 00:23:08.250 --> 00:23:10.100
  • you know what I mean? - Yeah.
  • 00:23:10.100 --> 00:23:11.220
  • - I say that very much like preaching to the choir,
  • 00:23:13.040 --> 00:23:15.200
  • because my sister will text me and say,
  • 00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:18.180
  • "Hey, you haven't posted on Instagram in three days,
  • 00:23:18.180 --> 00:23:20.180
  • "are you okay?"
  • 00:23:20.180 --> 00:23:22.020
  • And I'll just text her back like, "Oh, I've got my period."
  • 00:23:22.020 --> 00:23:24.200
  • Lord knows I'm just hiding in my room.
  • 00:23:25.250 --> 00:23:27.250
  • So it's still really hard.
  • 00:23:27.250 --> 00:23:30.050
  • - For me it is.
  • 00:23:30.050 --> 00:23:31.120
  • They will ask me, "How are you doing?"
  • 00:23:31.120 --> 00:23:32.200
  • And I will say, "I'm in a pit, I'm in the dark,"
  • 00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:34.270
  • like I will be honest with it,
  • 00:23:34.270 --> 00:23:36.120
  • it's just a how do I get myself out of it?
  • 00:23:36.120 --> 00:23:39.080
  • - Can I even challenge you, as your pastor,
  • 00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:41.080
  • in this conversation, that this is where,
  • 00:23:41.080 --> 00:23:44.010
  • and I say this to our congregation,
  • 00:23:44.010 --> 00:23:45.290
  • but there are days where even when you hate it,
  • 00:23:45.290 --> 00:23:50.090
  • this is actually, your obedience is going to
  • 00:23:50.090 --> 00:23:53.090
  • break something over your life.
  • 00:23:53.090 --> 00:23:55.220
  • When we choose to be obedient
  • 00:23:55.220 --> 00:23:57.280
  • that when we're not feeling it,
  • 00:23:57.280 --> 00:24:00.060
  • 'cause this is where I think the spiritual
  • 00:24:00.060 --> 00:24:02.250
  • and the practical have to meet hand in hand.
  • 00:24:02.250 --> 00:24:05.250
  • I'm going to get up even though I don't want to,
  • 00:24:05.250 --> 00:24:08.230
  • and I know that you're saying that, "I can't."
  • 00:24:08.230 --> 00:24:10.230
  • Nah, it's a will or I won't situation.
  • 00:24:10.230 --> 00:24:13.130
  • And I know that this is difficult,
  • 00:24:13.130 --> 00:24:16.010
  • but there have been days where I have not wanted to preach
  • 00:24:16.010 --> 00:24:20.100
  • 'cause I've been overcome with sadness with a situation,
  • 00:24:20.100 --> 00:24:24.090
  • literally doubled over, and almost resentful
  • 00:24:24.090 --> 00:24:27.010
  • that I have to get up.
  • 00:24:27.010 --> 00:24:28.080
  • But I've had to go, "God, it's not I that live,
  • 00:24:29.200 --> 00:24:32.160
  • "it's Christ that lives in me and right now,
  • 00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:34.050
  • "I'm drawing on Christ's strength and I choose to get up,"
  • 00:24:34.050 --> 00:24:36.210
  • and I don't want to, I have walked into that church,
  • 00:24:36.210 --> 00:24:39.170
  • I have still been downcast,
  • 00:24:39.170 --> 00:24:41.160
  • I have not wanted to see anybody.
  • 00:24:41.160 --> 00:24:43.050
  • I have walked in, praise and worship starts,
  • 00:24:43.050 --> 00:24:45.250
  • I don't know why for me that is like a trigger
  • 00:24:45.250 --> 00:24:48.200
  • that unlocks something and then I'm thankful
  • 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:51.220
  • by the end of it that I have gone and I think
  • 00:24:51.220 --> 00:24:54.110
  • yes, I think we're gonna have to get that person who.
  • 00:24:54.110 --> 00:24:57.110
  • - I'm getting that key. - Yeah!
  • 00:24:57.110 --> 00:24:59.050
  • (all talking over one another)
  • 00:24:59.050 --> 00:25:02.250
  • - That's the answer though, the person that you say,
  • 00:25:02.250 --> 00:25:04.260
  • "No, you're not," you have to figure out that person
  • 00:25:04.260 --> 00:25:06.250
  • and that person gets the key. - That's right.
  • 00:25:06.250 --> 00:25:08.290
  • - You said about obedience.
  • 00:25:08.290 --> 00:25:10.160
  • We're born with a desire to not be obedient
  • 00:25:11.230 --> 00:25:14.200
  • - And it's better than (mumbling).
  • 00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:16.070
  • - It is and this is gonna sound so funny but, we had a...
  • 00:25:16.070 --> 00:25:20.200
  • Don't be mad at me if you don't believe in spanking,
  • 00:25:22.040 --> 00:25:23.160
  • but we had a little spanking stick at our house
  • 00:25:23.160 --> 00:25:25.280
  • and we didn't necessarily all use it.
  • 00:25:25.280 --> 00:25:28.210
  • - There's a warning. - There is a warning,
  • 00:25:28.210 --> 00:25:30.130
  • a reminder, and it just said, "Obedience brings blessing."
  • 00:25:30.130 --> 00:25:33.200
  • Because it's actually true obedience,
  • 00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:35.220
  • that beautiful reminder even just as I'm sitting here
  • 00:25:35.220 --> 00:25:38.200
  • and I'm just thinking about this conversation
  • 00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:40.160
  • and I'm thinking about you, Disa,
  • 00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:42.060
  • and I'm thinking about that you're here right now,
  • 00:25:42.060 --> 00:25:44.150
  • willing to have the conversation,
  • 00:25:44.150 --> 00:25:45.230
  • even though you're in the midst of feeling it.
  • 00:25:45.230 --> 00:25:47.120
  • You're in the midst of it and you're going,
  • 00:25:47.120 --> 00:25:49.070
  • "Am I gonna come?
  • 00:25:49.070 --> 00:25:50.150
  • "Why am I even gonna go talk about this?
  • 00:25:50.150 --> 00:25:51.220
  • "I'm the one who's in the midst of it."
  • 00:25:51.220 --> 00:25:53.200
  • Just the fact that God brought you here
  • 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:55.260
  • to be a part of this conversation,
  • 00:25:55.260 --> 00:25:58.030
  • for everybody watching, is a beautiful reminder
  • 00:25:58.030 --> 00:26:01.200
  • that God is always pursuing us.
  • 00:26:01.200 --> 00:26:03.270
  • That he loves you and that through your obedience
  • 00:26:05.160 --> 00:26:08.140
  • to be here is gonna come incredibly beautiful blessing.
  • 00:26:08.140 --> 00:26:12.010
  • - And we're gonna talk about it all week.
  • 00:26:12.010 --> 00:26:14.040
  • Jesus never leaves us without hope
  • 00:26:16.270 --> 00:26:20.070
  • and the grace that He's got for us
  • 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:24.050
  • to walk out this life is freely given to us.
  • 00:26:24.050 --> 00:26:29.010
  • So we're gonna learn some things this week
  • 00:26:29.010 --> 00:26:31.280
  • and I'm excited about it, just like any kind of
  • 00:26:31.280 --> 00:26:34.180
  • other sickness or disease, Jesus paid it all
  • 00:26:34.180 --> 00:26:39.010
  • and so we're going to talk about it and it's gonna be good.
  • 00:26:39.010 --> 00:26:41.020
  • - So don't feel overwhelmed that perhaps
  • 00:26:42.120 --> 00:26:44.290
  • you may be going through a dark season
  • 00:26:44.290 --> 00:26:47.220
  • but know that Jesus is the light
  • 00:26:47.220 --> 00:26:50.020
  • and that light casts away that darkness.
  • 00:26:50.020 --> 00:26:53.080
  • When He shines His light,
  • 00:26:53.080 --> 00:26:54.170
  • that darkness has no place anymore.
  • 00:26:54.170 --> 00:26:56.230
  • No matter how small that light is,
  • 00:26:56.230 --> 00:26:58.200
  • in a dark room that light shines bright
  • 00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:01.090
  • and you know that Jesus is the light
  • 00:27:01.090 --> 00:27:03.090
  • and that you can call on His name.
  • 00:27:03.090 --> 00:27:06.200
  • That you can cry out in faith and He hears you.
  • 00:27:06.200 --> 00:27:10.200
  • He's near to the broken-hearted.
  • 00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:13.030
  • He's close to those that are afflicted, in pain.
  • 00:27:13.030 --> 00:27:16.220
  • He really knows that we do endure suffering in this life
  • 00:27:16.220 --> 00:27:20.070
  • and that we will have bad things happen to us,
  • 00:27:20.070 --> 00:27:23.230
  • even though we are Christians.
  • 00:27:23.230 --> 00:27:25.200
  • But the power to overcome is in Christ,
  • 00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:29.180
  • so don't give up.
  • 00:27:29.180 --> 00:27:31.020
  • I wanna encourage you today
  • 00:27:31.020 --> 00:27:32.160
  • that Jesus is right there with you
  • 00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:34.270
  • and that He is going to walk you
  • 00:27:34.270 --> 00:27:37.000
  • through the valley of the shadow of death
  • 00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:39.040
  • and you don't need to fear evil.
  • 00:27:39.040 --> 00:27:41.100
  • Practice remembering Psalm 23,
  • 00:27:41.100 --> 00:27:43.220
  • that He is your shepherd, He is your good shepherd,
  • 00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:46.220
  • that He makes you lie down in green pastures,
  • 00:27:46.220 --> 00:27:50.050
  • that He restores your soul and that
  • 00:27:50.050 --> 00:27:53.290
  • this is the good news of Jesus.
  • 00:27:53.290 --> 00:27:56.070
  • That He will never leave you or forsake you,
  • 00:27:56.070 --> 00:27:58.040
  • that He hasn't forgotten you, He's not ashamed of you.
  • 00:27:58.040 --> 00:28:01.070
  • He is right there with you wanting
  • 00:28:01.070 --> 00:28:03.010
  • to take you through this and overcome.
  • 00:28:03.010 --> 00:28:05.190
  • - "Better Together," is grounded in prayer
  • 00:28:05.190 --> 00:28:07.200
  • and we wanna pray for you.
  • 00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:09.040
  • You can call the number on your screen
  • 00:28:09.040 --> 00:28:10.210
  • or message us on social media.
  • 00:28:10.210 --> 00:28:12.150
  • From prayer requests to praise reports,
  • 00:28:12.150 --> 00:28:14.150
  • we want to hear what God is doing in your life.
  • 00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:16.260
  • - [Jamie] Here's what's coming up next on,
  • 00:28:17.290 --> 00:28:18.280
  • "Better Together."
  • 00:28:18.280 --> 00:28:20.060
  • - Hey, well how did that make you feel?
  • 00:28:20.060 --> 00:28:21.230
  • And I've realized, I've never learned that as a child.
  • 00:28:21.230 --> 00:28:24.290
  • I never learned how to actually go to,
  • 00:28:24.290 --> 00:28:27.130
  • "What am I feeling right now and where is God in that?"
  • 00:28:27.130 --> 00:28:30.280
  • - [Laurie] Watch, "Better Together," weekdays on TBN.
  • 00:28:30.280 --> 00:28:33.180