Life After Losing a Child | Better Together | TBN

Life After Losing a Child | Better Together

Watch Life After Losing a Child | Better Together
October 29, 2019
27:39

Dr. Cheryl Salem shares her daughter's battle with an inoperable brain tumor and how her family found hope after devastating loss. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Life After Losing a Child | Better Together

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  • - The loss of a child is unspeakable.
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  • Cheryl Salem lost her precious six year old daughter
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  • to an inoperable brain tumor.
  • 00:00:12.260 --> 00:00:15.050
  • Today, she's gonna share her family story of restoration
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  • in the midst of unimaginable pain.
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  • (inspirational music)
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  • - Grief is different for everybody
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  • and everybody's journey is totally separate
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  • and even your own journey can change
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  • with weeks and months and years
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  • - That's right
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  • - And all of a sudden you don't even recognize the road
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  • you're on and how did I get here
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  • and I thought I'd handled this and I thought I was better,
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  • I thought I was further down the road by now.
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  • I remember it was New Years
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  • and my husband and I are evangelists.
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  • We've been on the road forever.
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  • We had our little boys and Gabrielle with us
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  • and we were coming home from a trip
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  • and I looked over at my husband,
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  • we were riding in our motor coach and we had just finished
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  • a great service and I look back and I got three babies
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  • back there having the best time
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  • and I looked over at Harry and I said
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  • life can't get any better that this
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  • and just a few days later, not even 36 hours,
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  • I noticed that my five year olds, only daughter, miracle,
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  • her eyes locked and I'm a faith girl, you know,
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  • I've had miracle after miracle after miracle
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  • in my own life and so I started speaking to her eyes
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  • and commanding healing to go into her eyes
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  • and I called my doctor and he said
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  • lets make a eye doctor appointment on Monday
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  • and I said okay so we made the appointment
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  • and we went in and the eye doctor looked into her eyes
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  • and we went in and the eye doctor looked into her eyes
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  • and took my husband and me calmly into the office
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  • and shut the door and he said it's one of two things
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  • and either one is fatal
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  • and we went straight from there to the MRI
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  • and it was an inoperable brain tumor.
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  • They said eight weeks, you have eight weeks
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  • from life couldn't get any better than this
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  • to you have eight weeks.
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  • I'm a warrior.
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  • I've had miracle after miracle after miracle
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  • so I just was like no tears,
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  • no fear, we just hit this head on,
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  • and we do what we know to do,
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  • this I know how to do.
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  • - Put on your gloves.
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  • - Put on your fighting gloves,
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  • get your shield up, draw your sword and battle
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  • and I told my daughter, I said,
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  • I wrote my first miracle story at 23,
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  • you're gonna write yours at six,
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  • next year we'll be writing your miracle story
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  • and we just went to work.
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  • The moment that Gabrielle was diagnosed,
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  • my initial thought was
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  • why couldn't this be me.
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  • I know how to battle.
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  • I know how to war for me.
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  • I'm not sure I know as much how to war for you
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  • as I do for me and then the mom of me said
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  • I don't want my baby to have to go through anything.
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  • I mean, if we could just put them in little bubbles
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  • and them never have to go through anything,
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  • oh, life as a mom would be great
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  • but that's not reality.
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  • Our children are gonna go through things.
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  • This was when I didn't want to deal with.
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  • I didn't know where to put it.
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  • I didn't know how to handle it
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  • and I actually began to grieve that she had to go through.
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  • In the process of that, I never questioned the fact
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  • God was gonna heal her, that she was gonna live and not die,
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  • it wasn't like I was battling that,
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  • not even in the whole 11 months did I ever think
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  • she's going to die, not once.
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  • I knew she would live,
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  • but I grieved another way.
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  • I grieved her pain.
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  • I watched her suffer.
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  • I watched her not be able to play
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  • or to get down out of the bed
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  • and those are the things you wanna forget
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  • and God helps you move forward with that
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  • and not see them sick anymore and see them well
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  • but it takes a long time.
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  • And so September comes and October comes
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  • and she's getting worse and worse
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  • and my little 39 year old pound baby is 99 pounds
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  • because of steroids and fluid and she's not able to move
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  • and yet I'm making her get up because you're going to move,
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  • you're going to be healed, you're going to walk,
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  • you're not gonna turn into these stiff muscles,
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  • you're going to move and so every step I'm believing
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  • and confessing and praying and making her move
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  • and it gets to be November
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  • and she's not able to talk anymore
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  • and she can't move
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  • and we're encouraging one another and we're believing God
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  • and Dr. Roberts comes by and he says
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  • you have to let her go.
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  • I threw him out of the house (laughing)
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  • Get out.
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  • You're an old man, it's easy for you to say.
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  • She's six years old.
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  • I'm not gonna let her go.
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  • That's was Sunday and I just,
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  • I walked up to the bedroom
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  • and she's not able to talk but she can still communicate
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  • it's like she never goes to sleep at this point
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  • and so I took her by the hand and I said
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  • I just never actually asked you what you want
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  • and I said do you want to go to heaven?
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  • Cause if you wanna go,
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  • I'll let you go.
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  • That was just faith.
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  • And she squeezed my hand let me go.
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  • My husband and I had agreed
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  • and we released her but I was not gonna take my eyes
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  • off of her.
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  • I wanted to see the portal open.
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  • I wanted to see her cross over.
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  • And Sunday night came and went and I never closed my eyes
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  • and Monday came and Monday night came
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  • and I never closed my eyes
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  • cause I didn't wanna miss the moment
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  • and it was five to seven on a Tuesday morning
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  • November 23rd
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  • and it was as if someone had stuck an IV in my arm
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  • and I was going into surgery cause all of a sudden
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  • I couldn't stay awake and my husband who had just been lying
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  • beside Gabrielle, he was just holding her hand
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  • and I start saying Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry
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  • I've gotta close my eyes just for a minute
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  • and my head touches the bed and I'm gone,
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  • I'm out and I think God put me to sleep
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  • and Harry said that Gabrielle began to blow him kisses.
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  • She couldn't move her mouth but she did
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  • and she started blowing him kisses
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  • and Harry had said from the day she was born
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  • he said I don't know how I'm ever gonna walk her down
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  • the aisle and give her to another man,
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  • I just don't know how I'll ever be able to do that
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  • and he said when he was realizing that this moment had come,
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  • he said I realized that the only man I could have ever given
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  • her to I was about to put her hand in His
  • 00:09:07.180 --> 00:09:12.140
  • and He said as she was blowing me kisses
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  • I said there she goes and He said the moment I said
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  • there she goes, I heard an audible voice he said
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  • say here she comes.
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  • It's almost normal, I've buried my dad and my stepdad.
  • 00:09:34.220 --> 00:09:39.220
  • My moms still alive but my grandparents are all in heaven.
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  • I've lost many, many relatives all of which I grieved
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  • and I was sad but felt normal to me.
  • 00:09:50.190 --> 00:09:52.070
  • What's not normal is burying your child.
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  • That's not normal.
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  • You're not supposed to live beyond your children.
  • 00:09:58.150 --> 00:10:01.060
  • Your children are supposed to grieve you.
  • 00:10:01.060 --> 00:10:03.280
  • You're not supposed to grieve your children.
  • 00:10:03.280 --> 00:10:05.260
  • We don't have anywhere in our brain to put that
  • 00:10:05.260 --> 00:10:07.230
  • nowhere in our emotional psyche to put that
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  • but the Holy Spirit helps us build a place
  • 00:10:11.190 --> 00:10:14.210
  • and what happens is we begin to understand
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  • heaven is a real place.
  • 00:10:17.230 --> 00:10:20.000
  • It's a real place.
  • 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:21.220
  • We talk about France and Italy and Germany and Israel
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  • and all these destinations
  • 00:10:26.170 --> 00:10:29.010
  • and for the most part many people
  • 00:10:29.010 --> 00:10:31.140
  • will never ever go to those places
  • 00:10:31.140 --> 00:10:34.040
  • and yet they don't doubt that they're real.
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  • Heaven is more real than all of those locations
  • 00:10:38.140 --> 00:10:43.080
  • and yet people doubt that it's real.
  • 00:10:43.080 --> 00:10:46.000
  • Don't doubt eternity.
  • 00:10:47.120 --> 00:10:49.230
  • And 20 years later, it still hurts
  • 00:10:50.270 --> 00:10:54.030
  • like it happened yesterday and that's the part I don't think
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  • people get with grief, that you get better at managing it.
  • 00:10:58.170 --> 00:11:03.130
  • It doesn't get better, you get better at it.
  • 00:11:03.130 --> 00:11:07.250
  • You get better at managing the pain.
  • 00:11:07.250 --> 00:11:09.200
  • You get better at going home.
  • 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:11.120
  • And last night, when I laid down
  • 00:11:15.010 --> 00:11:17.070
  • I realized I hadn't talked about this in a long time
  • 00:11:17.070 --> 00:11:19.250
  • and I had purposely forgotten a lot of the details
  • 00:11:21.040 --> 00:11:24.210
  • because it's the details that cause you such pain.
  • 00:11:24.210 --> 00:11:28.110
  • It's the details that cause you so much frustration
  • 00:11:28.110 --> 00:11:33.100
  • with yourself and so you kinda lay those details away
  • 00:11:33.100 --> 00:11:37.010
  • but in all honesty, that's the part that makes you stay
  • 00:11:38.290 --> 00:11:41.230
  • connected so I'm glad I got to remember again.
  • 00:11:41.230 --> 00:11:46.130
  • She's not in my past.
  • 00:11:49.030 --> 00:11:51.110
  • She's in my future and that revelation made me wanna live.
  • 00:11:52.250 --> 00:11:57.170
  • - I think it can be really hard to still believe in God
  • 00:11:59.010 --> 00:12:03.050
  • when bad things happen cause bad things aren't
  • 00:12:03.050 --> 00:12:06.020
  • supposed to happen to good people right?
  • 00:12:06.020 --> 00:12:08.090
  • If you're a good Christian, bad things aren't
  • 00:12:08.090 --> 00:12:10.040
  • supposed to happen to you right?
  • 00:12:10.040 --> 00:12:12.060
  • And I think its when our faith gets tested the most,
  • 00:12:13.180 --> 00:12:16.230
  • when we walk through the fire and when we walk through
  • 00:12:16.230 --> 00:12:19.060
  • the wilderness, when we walk through the dark seasons
  • 00:12:19.060 --> 00:12:21.210
  • in life, that's when our faith gets tested the most.
  • 00:12:21.210 --> 00:12:25.250
  • That's when God sees what we're made of
  • 00:12:25.250 --> 00:12:28.260
  • and I think you know, it's like its hard to know
  • 00:12:30.140 --> 00:12:34.180
  • what to do with that.
  • 00:12:34.180 --> 00:12:35.260
  • It's hard to know what to do with your faith
  • 00:12:35.260 --> 00:12:38.270
  • when bad things happen and I just want you to know
  • 00:12:38.270 --> 00:12:43.170
  • the bad thing didn't happen because you didn't
  • 00:12:43.170 --> 00:12:45.110
  • have enough faith.
  • 00:12:45.110 --> 00:12:46.130
  • If someones told you that you know
  • 00:12:47.190 --> 00:12:48.290
  • if you would've prayed more,
  • 00:12:48.290 --> 00:12:50.050
  • if you would've believed more,
  • 00:12:50.050 --> 00:12:51.070
  • if you would've asked God more
  • 00:12:51.070 --> 00:12:53.080
  • this thing wouldn't have happened,
  • 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:54.230
  • just know that's not true.
  • 00:12:54.230 --> 00:12:55.220
  • The bad thing didn't happen
  • 00:12:55.220 --> 00:12:57.010
  • because you didn't have enough faith.
  • 00:12:57.010 --> 00:12:58.200
  • Bad things happen to good people all the time.
  • 00:13:00.030 --> 00:13:03.090
  • It's just part of life.
  • 00:13:03.090 --> 00:13:04.270
  • It's part of living on the spinning ball of dirt
  • 00:13:04.270 --> 00:13:08.070
  • that's broken that we call home.
  • 00:13:08.070 --> 00:13:10.260
  • Bad things are gonna happen
  • 00:13:10.260 --> 00:13:12.250
  • but that doesn't mean that God doesn't care.
  • 00:13:12.250 --> 00:13:15.100
  • - If you're grieving, we're here for you.
  • 00:13:17.050 --> 00:13:19.100
  • Our social media community encourages
  • 00:13:19.100 --> 00:13:21.070
  • and prays for each other daily.
  • 00:13:21.070 --> 00:13:24.020
  • - Link arms with women around the world
  • 00:13:24.020 --> 00:13:26.100
  • at Better Together TV.
  • 00:13:26.100 --> 00:13:27.250
  • - We're not created to walk through this life alone.
  • 00:13:27.250 --> 00:13:30.180
  • - And when heaven becomes a reality,
  • 00:13:32.030 --> 00:13:35.070
  • and your loved one moves from here to there
  • 00:13:35.070 --> 00:13:40.070
  • you long to be there but you don't miss them with no hope.
  • 00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:46.060
  • You miss them with more than hope.
  • 00:13:48.040 --> 00:13:51.210
  • You start running toward the future
  • 00:13:51.210 --> 00:13:54.230
  • and you can live again.
  • 00:13:56.210 --> 00:13:58.120
  • Laurie walked every step of it with me
  • 00:14:04.150 --> 00:14:06.160
  • and every step since.
  • 00:14:08.040 --> 00:14:09.180
  • - But the why.
  • 00:14:12.000 --> 00:14:13.220
  • Why would God?
  • 00:14:13.220 --> 00:14:14.250
  • - [Cheryl] The why ate me up.
  • 00:14:14.250 --> 00:14:16.090
  • - The why, you know, why does first of all,
  • 00:14:16.090 --> 00:14:19.170
  • this isn't heaven, we don't live in heaven.
  • 00:14:19.170 --> 00:14:22.260
  • - This is as close to hell as we'll ever get
  • 00:14:22.260 --> 00:14:24.200
  • when you love God.
  • 00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:26.030
  • (laughter)
  • 00:14:26.030 --> 00:14:27.100
  • - You know, we don't live in heaven yet
  • 00:14:27.100 --> 00:14:31.040
  • so we're gonna experience the dying and the pain
  • 00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:33.270
  • and the loss - the separation.
  • 00:14:33.270 --> 00:14:35.220
  • - The separation.
  • 00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:37.080
  • My grief for Cheryl was beyond pretty much anything
  • 00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:43.030
  • I've ever experienced and it was jut like I felt her
  • 00:14:45.020 --> 00:14:48.210
  • and I remember going through that
  • 00:14:49.290 --> 00:14:53.160
  • pain watching Cheryl go through it
  • 00:14:56.050 --> 00:14:59.060
  • and it was at times overwhelming
  • 00:15:01.060 --> 00:15:04.170
  • and I watched her and I just couldn't believe the faith
  • 00:15:06.100 --> 00:15:10.140
  • (laughing) the faith that they had.
  • 00:15:12.100 --> 00:15:15.060
  • And I always stood on the word of God
  • 00:15:15.060 --> 00:15:17.040
  • and just you know, when she got up at the funeral
  • 00:15:20.030 --> 00:15:23.240
  • and she said if it happened again to one of my boys today
  • 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:27.080
  • I wouldn't change one thing.
  • 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:29.150
  • She showed, I mean that is, that is faith in action,
  • 00:15:29.150 --> 00:15:34.150
  • believing to the end if I die, I die,
  • 00:15:35.190 --> 00:15:37.090
  • but God is the great Healer.
  • 00:15:37.090 --> 00:15:39.200
  • He is the one who carries me through things like this.
  • 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:43.160
  • He takes my sorrow and he will make joy out of my sorrow
  • 00:15:43.160 --> 00:15:47.250
  • and He'll give me beauty for ashes
  • 00:15:47.250 --> 00:15:50.260
  • and I have watched Cheryl, I have watched her life
  • 00:15:50.260 --> 00:15:54.200
  • and I've watched him do that.
  • 00:15:54.200 --> 00:15:56.110
  • Cheryl is just my soul sister
  • 00:15:56.110 --> 00:16:00.180
  • if there was ever one and I remember her saying
  • 00:16:02.260 --> 00:16:07.090
  • I had to look up why in the Greek, in the Hebrew whatever
  • 00:16:08.220 --> 00:16:13.100
  • tell about that.
  • 00:16:14.060 --> 00:16:15.110
  • - Well I had to because I was building
  • 00:16:15.110 --> 00:16:17.230
  • my own prison of questions.
  • 00:16:17.230 --> 00:16:21.040
  • Every day, I would get up and say
  • 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:25.040
  • God, I would've given you back every miracle you've done
  • 00:16:25.040 --> 00:16:28.250
  • and He's done so many in my life.
  • 00:16:29.250 --> 00:16:31.050
  • I would have given every one of them back for this one
  • 00:16:32.210 --> 00:16:35.010
  • and I never expected, we so believed she would live
  • 00:16:35.010 --> 00:16:39.060
  • that we didn't embalm her because we expected her to
  • 00:16:39.060 --> 00:16:42.250
  • come out of the casket.
  • 00:16:42.250 --> 00:16:45.190
  • Our son put a jiggle doll,
  • 00:16:46.260 --> 00:16:48.260
  • you know those little jiggle dolls when you move them
  • 00:16:48.260 --> 00:16:51.160
  • they make noise inside the casket, jibber jabber dolls,
  • 00:16:51.160 --> 00:16:55.200
  • that's right, so that when she awakened inside the casket
  • 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:59.090
  • we would hear the doll jibber jabber.
  • 00:16:59.090 --> 00:17:01.190
  • We had such faith she would live.
  • 00:17:01.190 --> 00:17:04.040
  • It was so hard to accept the why.
  • 00:17:05.090 --> 00:17:09.030
  • You would ask why and then there would be nothing that
  • 00:17:10.250 --> 00:17:14.180
  • - Made sense
  • 00:17:14.180 --> 00:17:15.230
  • - Made sense, nothing that satisfied,
  • 00:17:15.230 --> 00:17:17.110
  • nothing that made you feel any better
  • 00:17:17.110 --> 00:17:19.230
  • and so then you would ask why again and after months,
  • 00:17:19.230 --> 00:17:24.160
  • nine months, I asked why and I asked why and I asked why
  • 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.010
  • and then I got to the point I know why has no answer
  • 00:17:28.010 --> 00:17:31.060
  • that's gonna make me feel better so then I would ask
  • 00:17:31.060 --> 00:17:33.170
  • why am I asking why?
  • 00:17:33.170 --> 00:17:35.180
  • I couldn't stop myself.
  • 00:17:35.180 --> 00:17:37.080
  • It was this prison.
  • 00:17:37.080 --> 00:17:39.100
  • - You know, I think that this idea that we have to handle
  • 00:17:39.100 --> 00:17:42.240
  • our why's, maybe a little misleading
  • 00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:45.220
  • because I don't know that I always handle them well.
  • 00:17:45.220 --> 00:17:49.130
  • I mean, I ask my why's and I don't always get an answer.
  • 00:17:49.130 --> 00:17:54.020
  • I really believe that God can handle our questions.
  • 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:58.070
  • That doesn't mean He always gives us the answer
  • 00:17:58.070 --> 00:18:00.210
  • but I do think He welcomes us to ask our questions
  • 00:18:00.210 --> 00:18:04.180
  • and when I don't get the answer that I want
  • 00:18:04.180 --> 00:18:06.290
  • or I don't get an answer at all,
  • 00:18:06.290 --> 00:18:09.200
  • I just believe that whether it's in time or in eternity,
  • 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:13.180
  • that hindsight will be 20/20
  • 00:18:13.180 --> 00:18:15.240
  • and until I see through the glass clearly,
  • 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.190
  • I choose even in my why's to trust Him.
  • 00:18:18.190 --> 00:18:22.110
  • - Why did she have to go to heaven.
  • 00:18:22.110 --> 00:18:24.280
  • Why am I still here?
  • 00:18:24.280 --> 00:18:27.040
  • That was my big question
  • 00:18:27.040 --> 00:18:28.100
  • and He said I want you to go look that word up
  • 00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:34.010
  • and I knew that wasn't Websters.
  • 00:18:35.100 --> 00:18:36.160
  • He wanted me to go look it up in the Hebrew.
  • 00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:38.060
  • I love the Hebrew.
  • 00:18:38.060 --> 00:18:39.220
  • I love what the Torah was written in.
  • 00:18:39.220 --> 00:18:42.000
  • I love the ancient Hebrew.
  • 00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:44.020
  • It means so much more than our watered down English language
  • 00:18:44.020 --> 00:18:48.090
  • and so as I began to search for the word why
  • 00:18:48.090 --> 00:18:51.010
  • I actually discovered all six questions,
  • 00:18:51.010 --> 00:18:54.140
  • who, what, when, where, why and how.
  • 00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:57.010
  • There are only six questions in our entire language.
  • 00:18:57.010 --> 00:19:00.100
  • I found these questions in the Hebrew
  • 00:19:00.100 --> 00:19:02.130
  • and each one had only one common symbol
  • 00:19:02.130 --> 00:19:06.240
  • or we would call it letter, one common symbol in it
  • 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:10.080
  • and it was the symbol for chaos and I realized that
  • 00:19:10.080 --> 00:19:15.030
  • the more questions you ask, the more chaos you create
  • 00:19:15.030 --> 00:19:18.240
  • in your own world.
  • 00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:20.140
  • You're trying to get out of chaos and yet your own mind
  • 00:19:20.140 --> 00:19:23.270
  • is creating this hurricane of chaos.
  • 00:19:23.270 --> 00:19:28.200
  • - Trying to find the answer - Trying to find peace.
  • 00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:31.200
  • - And you will not understand it here on earth.
  • 00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:33.000
  • - You're trying to find peace
  • 00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:34.100
  • and you're creating your own chaos
  • 00:19:34.100 --> 00:19:36.090
  • and when I saw that I realized six of course,
  • 00:19:38.130 --> 00:19:40.250
  • the number for man and I take this to the Father
  • 00:19:40.250 --> 00:19:43.270
  • and I'm like God I realize what I'm doing,
  • 00:19:43.270 --> 00:19:45.290
  • I still don't know how to stop asking why.
  • 00:19:45.290 --> 00:19:50.290
  • If I could stop, I would have already stopped by now
  • 00:19:52.110 --> 00:19:53.290
  • but my mind keeps circling back around to but why.
  • 00:19:53.290 --> 00:19:58.040
  • Why did she have to go?
  • 00:19:58.040 --> 00:20:00.290
  • Why couldn't it have been somebody old?
  • 00:20:00.290 --> 00:20:02.270
  • Why did she have to suffer?
  • 00:20:02.270 --> 00:20:05.130
  • Why did I have to experience it?
  • 00:20:05.130 --> 00:20:06.210
  • Why does my children have to experience it?
  • 00:20:06.210 --> 00:20:08.080
  • Why does my husband have to go through all this?
  • 00:20:08.080 --> 00:20:10.150
  • Why does, why, and the why's just become never ending.
  • 00:20:10.150 --> 00:20:14.070
  • It's an infinite arrow in the end
  • 00:20:14.070 --> 00:20:15.270
  • and the Lord said to me you're a mom
  • 00:20:18.030 --> 00:20:20.230
  • and when your children ask you why, what do you say?
  • 00:20:22.070 --> 00:20:25.100
  • And I said, well I'm this great mother.
  • 00:20:26.180 --> 00:20:28.060
  • I get down on my knees and I get eyeball to eyeball
  • 00:20:28.060 --> 00:20:31.010
  • and I give them these long explanations and He said
  • 00:20:31.010 --> 00:20:34.220
  • and then what do they say
  • 00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:36.210
  • and I said well, they say, but why?
  • 00:20:36.210 --> 00:20:39.120
  • And I said and I go through the whole thing again
  • 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:42.240
  • and they say but why?
  • 00:20:44.030 --> 00:20:45.020
  • And He said and eventually
  • 00:20:45.020 --> 00:20:47.150
  • what do you say when they cannot understand?
  • 00:20:47.150 --> 00:20:50.160
  • And I said, because I said so.
  • 00:20:52.180 --> 00:20:54.060
  • They can't understand.
  • 00:20:54.060 --> 00:20:55.260
  • And He said, because I said so, you can't understand
  • 00:20:57.090 --> 00:21:02.010
  • the secret things belong to the Lord.
  • 00:21:02.010 --> 00:21:04.120
  • And you're on a need to know basis
  • 00:21:05.240 --> 00:21:08.140
  • and you don't need to know.
  • 00:21:08.140 --> 00:21:09.240
  • And then he said, and this is what changed me,
  • 00:21:13.040 --> 00:21:16.040
  • He said, you have lived your life by faith.
  • 00:21:16.040 --> 00:21:19.070
  • Your whole life has been one long walk of faith,
  • 00:21:19.070 --> 00:21:22.150
  • from the beginning to now,
  • 00:21:23.230 --> 00:21:25.120
  • and He says, I'm calling you up to a higher level of living.
  • 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:29.160
  • I'm calling you to live in a level called trust.
  • 00:21:30.230 --> 00:21:34.120
  • You're gonna have to trust me when you don't know.
  • 00:21:34.120 --> 00:21:36.270
  • You're gonna have to trust me when there are no answers.
  • 00:21:38.090 --> 00:21:41.050
  • I am a spirit and truth God
  • 00:21:41.050 --> 00:21:44.070
  • and you're asking me flesh questions.
  • 00:21:44.070 --> 00:21:46.230
  • These are flesh questions.
  • 00:21:48.140 --> 00:21:49.260
  • Your spirit is not crying why.
  • 00:21:49.260 --> 00:21:52.070
  • Your flesh is crying why and I'm spirit, I'm truth.
  • 00:21:52.070 --> 00:21:57.060
  • I can't satisfy flesh.
  • 00:21:57.290 --> 00:21:59.210
  • You've gotta learn to trust me.
  • 00:22:00.220 --> 00:22:03.040
  • - I think keeping in mind that our faith is in God
  • 00:22:03.040 --> 00:22:06.290
  • and God alone and not what He can provide
  • 00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:12.220
  • so we choose to follow Him and have our faith in Him
  • 00:22:12.220 --> 00:22:17.220
  • because of who He is and not just that the blessings
  • 00:22:19.040 --> 00:22:22.280
  • that He pours onto our life and that can be so hard
  • 00:22:22.280 --> 00:22:26.020
  • when going through grief but it's recognizing that God,
  • 00:22:27.150 --> 00:22:30.120
  • I still choose to worship you,
  • 00:22:30.120 --> 00:22:33.010
  • I still choose to put you first and to serve you in my life,
  • 00:22:33.010 --> 00:22:35.270
  • I still choose to have faith in you
  • 00:22:35.270 --> 00:22:38.010
  • believing that you are faithful
  • 00:22:39.040 --> 00:22:41.120
  • and that I don't always know why things happen
  • 00:22:41.120 --> 00:22:46.120
  • but I'm still choosing to hold on to faith
  • 00:22:47.180 --> 00:22:50.110
  • and that's where it really is a test of our faith
  • 00:22:50.110 --> 00:22:53.250
  • and that's where it becomes faith.
  • 00:22:53.250 --> 00:22:56.130
  • - I think I've learned to turn the why to what
  • 00:22:56.130 --> 00:23:00.280
  • and that's in the surrender.
  • 00:23:00.280 --> 00:23:02.130
  • It's in the surrender of I'm never gonna be able to answer
  • 00:23:02.130 --> 00:23:06.040
  • the why so it's a surrender of okay God, I can't answer why,
  • 00:23:06.040 --> 00:23:11.040
  • I'll never know why this side of heaven that you allowed
  • 00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:14.240
  • this to happen so what do you want me to do?
  • 00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:19.110
  • So, what do you want me to do now?
  • 00:23:19.110 --> 00:23:22.040
  • And I think He makes that clear.
  • 00:23:22.040 --> 00:23:24.210
  • I think He likes that question, when we ask that question.
  • 00:23:24.210 --> 00:23:28.000
  • In my experience, He's answered that so clearly.
  • 00:23:29.120 --> 00:23:33.120
  • - You know, I think Crystal, we go through so many things
  • 00:23:33.120 --> 00:23:38.100
  • so people might be saying well,
  • 00:23:41.100 --> 00:23:42.140
  • why didn't God answer those prayers?
  • 00:23:42.140 --> 00:23:44.210
  • Why didn't you know, I never, you'd call Gabrielle up
  • 00:23:44.210 --> 00:23:48.030
  • and say how are you baby
  • 00:23:48.030 --> 00:23:49.160
  • and she'd say I'm the healed of the Lord.
  • 00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:52.000
  • She wouldn't complain.
  • 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:54.030
  • She wouldn't ever complain.
  • 00:23:54.030 --> 00:23:56.270
  • - She never did, never once. - Never did.
  • 00:23:56.270 --> 00:23:59.110
  • I remember Cheryl standing up with just that
  • 00:23:59.110 --> 00:24:01.120
  • big, beautiful smile on that day
  • 00:24:01.120 --> 00:24:03.280
  • and her saying if I found out today
  • 00:24:07.280 --> 00:24:10.140
  • that my sons Harry and Roman
  • 00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:15.040
  • if either one of them had the same thing that Gabrielle had,
  • 00:24:15.040 --> 00:24:18.040
  • she said I wouldn't change one thing about
  • 00:24:19.090 --> 00:24:22.130
  • what I have believed or what I have said
  • 00:24:22.130 --> 00:24:26.060
  • or the faith that I had for Gabrielle.
  • 00:24:26.060 --> 00:24:28.170
  • I wouldn't change one thing.
  • 00:24:28.170 --> 00:24:30.090
  • - I think the difference for a lot of people with grief
  • 00:24:30.090 --> 00:24:34.160
  • we had to grieve in front of everybody
  • 00:24:34.160 --> 00:24:37.120
  • because we were public figures
  • 00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:39.050
  • and when you're a public figure,
  • 00:24:39.050 --> 00:24:40.280
  • you can't hide the fact your daughter died.
  • 00:24:40.280 --> 00:24:43.020
  • You gotta deal with it and people are watching
  • 00:24:44.070 --> 00:24:46.050
  • and people are well meaning and then some are not
  • 00:24:46.050 --> 00:24:50.080
  • and people can be cruel and you've just gotta learn to
  • 00:24:50.080 --> 00:24:53.190
  • trust God and keep moving and not stop.
  • 00:24:53.190 --> 00:24:58.010
  • I wanted to stop.
  • 00:24:59.110 --> 00:25:00.240
  • - But you didn't. - But I didn't.
  • 00:25:02.010 --> 00:25:04.080
  • And I'm still here 20 years later
  • 00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:05.280
  • because of little dynamic words from God that changed me.
  • 00:25:05.280 --> 00:25:10.280
  • In the midst of all that you're going through right now,
  • 00:25:13.090 --> 00:25:17.100
  • I pray that you know Him in a depth that you've never known
  • 00:25:17.100 --> 00:25:22.100
  • Him before and it's only the beginning
  • 00:25:24.020 --> 00:25:27.060
  • of your hunger and thirst
  • 00:25:27.060 --> 00:25:31.070
  • to know Him more and more
  • 00:25:31.070 --> 00:25:33.190
  • and if you don't know Him, just cry out to Him right now.
  • 00:25:35.010 --> 00:25:39.250
  • Father, come live in my heart.
  • 00:25:40.210 --> 00:25:44.260
  • Jesus, rescue me from this pain.
  • 00:25:44.260 --> 00:25:48.290
  • Deliver my soul.
  • 00:25:48.290 --> 00:25:51.130
  • Deliver my spirit.
  • 00:25:51.130 --> 00:25:53.160
  • I long to know you more.
  • 00:25:54.230 --> 00:25:57.260
  • Let that be the cry of your heart.
  • 00:25:57.260 --> 00:26:00.160
  • He will answer you
  • 00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:04.020
  • with the reality of eternity
  • 00:26:04.020 --> 00:26:07.240
  • and salvation can be not something you hope for
  • 00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:12.010
  • but something you own for all of eternity
  • 00:26:13.060 --> 00:26:17.030
  • beginning at this moment.
  • 00:26:17.030 --> 00:26:20.130
  • Know Him.
  • 00:26:21.240 --> 00:26:22.240
  • Father heal the brokenhearted.
  • 00:26:24.090 --> 00:26:27.280
  • Take your finger of healing
  • 00:26:27.280 --> 00:26:29.190
  • and stretch over every broken place.
  • 00:26:31.050 --> 00:26:35.040
  • Trace it Lord and erase it
  • 00:26:35.040 --> 00:26:38.190
  • to where they can move on and live.
  • 00:26:39.280 --> 00:26:43.180
  • In your might name I pray, amen.
  • 00:26:45.080 --> 00:26:49.050
  • - Call the number on your screen
  • 00:26:52.130 --> 00:26:53.290
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:53.290 --> 00:26:55.210
  • We are here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:26:55.210 --> 00:26:59.280
  • We love you, but most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:26:59.280 --> 00:27:02.180
  • - You can stream Better Together episodes on the go.
  • 00:27:04.130 --> 00:27:07.120
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  • 00:27:07.120 --> 00:27:10.200
  • - Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
  • 00:27:12.280 --> 00:27:16.100
  • - And trauma, it can feel overwhelming.
  • 00:27:16.100 --> 00:27:18.230
  • It can affect our thoughts,
  • 00:27:19.220 --> 00:27:23.180
  • how we view ourselves,
  • 00:27:23.180 --> 00:27:24.240
  • how we view others, the world.
  • 00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:26.080
  • Suddenly the world doesn't seem like a safe place anymore
  • 00:27:26.080 --> 00:27:29.240
  • when maybe it felt safe before.
  • 00:27:29.240 --> 00:27:32.020
  • - Join us weekdays and Tuesday nights for Better Together.
  • 00:27:32.020 --> 00:27:35.160