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Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

January 17, 2020

26:08

Should we forgive even when we don't receive an apology? Are you ready to unlock the healing power of forgiveness? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

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- It's time to let go of ourpain, and turn towards freedom.
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Can forgiveness lead us tohealing and make us whole again?
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Let's talk about it.
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(light music)
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- My mom and my dad hadbeen married for 13 years,
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before she was pregnant, whenshe got pregnant with me,
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and she was actually angry,
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because she didn'twanna have children.
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She came from areally large family,
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they were very, very poor,
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and she said that shenever wanted to have kids.
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But my dad was so excited,like, he wanted to have children
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from the moment they got married
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and six monthsinto her pregnancy,
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he started to havesome stomach pain,
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and so he went to thedoctor just to find out
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what was going on, and heended up getting diagnosed
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with terminal stomach cancer,
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and they gave himsix months to live,
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and,
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I remember my aunttelling me that,
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he just was so crushed.
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I mean as you canimagine waiting 13years to have a child,
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and now you're gonnafinally have a child
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and you're probably notgonna see them go to school,
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and so, he lived up until
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about a month shy ofmy second birthday.
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But, my mom who hassignificant mental illness,
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she was just reallyunstable and he was worried
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that should somethinghappen to him,
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that I would grow up ina very unstable situation
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and so, after he passed,
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my mom actuallymoved us to Florida.
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I grew up in New Jersey,I was born in New Jersey,
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moved us to Florida, followingafter a guy she barely knew,
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and, I think they broke up like,shortly after we got there.
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I was like, literallylike, two, so I was young,
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but, a parade of men camein and out of our life
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over the next two yearsand by the time I was four,
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she met a guy who becameher live in boyfriend,
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and I'll never forget,her sister passed away,
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and I was almost five years old,
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and this guy, I just knewsomething was wrong with him.
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Like, he would hold me closeto his body, too tight,
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for too long, and I justnever felt safe around him.
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And so, when hersister passed away,
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she told me that she hadto go back to New Jersey,
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and she was like, "I'mgonna leave you with him,
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"for just a few days."
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- Oh my gosh.
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- And I said to her, I was like,
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"No Mommy, pleasetake me with you,
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I won't ask foranything, I'll be good."
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But she couldn't affordanother plane ticket,
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so she left me with him.
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And that night Ilocked my bedroom door,
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because, I mean I'm only five,
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but I knew I wasnot safe with him.
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And, he used a straightenedwire hanger to pick the lock,
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and he came in the roomthat night and violated me,
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and I, even now, like,
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the smell of beer,on someones breath,
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it takes me back to that moment.
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And for several yearsafter that happened,
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he continued to abuse me,and after he would do it,
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he would always say, "Youbetter not tell your mom,
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"or else she'll get rid of you,
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"because she doesn'twant you anyway."
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And I figured in mylittle mind, I was like
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"well she must be sayingthat she doesn't want me"
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'cause, you know, howwould he know this?"
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- And you're five?
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- Yeah, I was five, andso, I didn't say anything
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until I was aboutseven years old,
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when I finally told mymom, 'cause it was just,
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it got to the point where Ijust, I didn't wanna go home,
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I was feeling sick, andshe had him arrested.
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And I was so excited,
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I was glad that hewas out of the house,
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and I thought I was safe, buton the day of his release,
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she took me with her, tothe jail, to pick him up.
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- Oh my gosh.
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- She brought him back homeand, he continued to violate me,
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routinely, because atthat point he knew,
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like he basically hadfree access becauseshe took him back.
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And my mom wasphysically abusive,
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while he was sexually abusive,
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and I would act out in school,
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because there was somuch chaos at home,
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I couldn't focus.
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And so, I would getpunished at school
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for acting out at school.
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And I, at nine years old,
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I decided to drinklaundry detergent,
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'cause I wanted to end my life.
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I had saw a TV program
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where a toddler diedfrom drinking bleach.
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And I thought that would end it.
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But I just ended upgetting really sick,
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and two years after that, mymom choked me to the point
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where I thought Iwas going to die.
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I thought I was gonnadie, and I lived,
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but I was so hopeless andhelpless that I decided
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that I wanted to end my life,
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and so I took a butcherknife, slit both of my wrists,
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I still have a scar on my leftwrist from when it happened,
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and I didn't die, butthere was something in me
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that was so angry, so bitter,
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that I carried thatinto my adulthood.
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Like I had this bitterness,and God blessed,
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I was so successful in school,
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I was able to channelthat trauma into success,
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but it was still there,
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to the point where I wouldlash out at my husband,
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and I would just bereally short with people.
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And I got to a place wheremy success took me so far,
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but I was so emptyand so broken,
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that I knew something was wrong,
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and God began to show me, justthrough different situations,
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that there was ground, thatneeded to be reclaimed,
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because my mother wasstill affecting me,
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her boyfriend wasstill affecting me.
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And I said, "Lord, whatis it that I need to do?"
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And God showed methat there was,
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there was like a tethering,that had happened,
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to where I did not havethe ability to let it go,
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because I kept blamingthem for what happened.
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I had a great lifeby that point.
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Family that loved me.
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Husband that loved me.
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But I was so tetheredto the pain of my past,
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that I could not enjoy thelife that God had created.
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And I literally had to learn
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that the only way you canget free from that pain,
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is you have to let thepeople who hurt you, go.
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Now the only way todo that is to forgive.
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And forgiveness is notsomething that you do
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because they're okayand it wasn't that bad.
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I learned that it'ssomething you do
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because you don't wantthe pain of your past
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to control the promiseof your future.
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- Yeah, sure.
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- And that's what was happening.
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Is the past was literallycontrolling my future.
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I saw everything through thelens of what happened to me.
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It didn't matterhow good it was.
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I saw it through the lensof what happened to me.
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And I think that'sthe challenge though.
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Is recognizing thatwhat happened to you
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can only be rectifiedby making the decision
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to forgive thepeople that did it.
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- The only way we can forgive is
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through the spirit of Jesus.
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You may not feel it, youmay not, you know, sense it,
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but the act offorgiveness is for you
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and it releases thatperson to the hand
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of justice and mercywhich is the Lord.
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And so God knowsand He's not slow.
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He's not slow with this,
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with the way He doesjustice, but believe me,
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He will have it.
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And I just want tobe a help to you.
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For some of you that havebeen brewing over memories,
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brewing over things, stewinginto some of these scenarios
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that happened years ago andyet when you talk about it,
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it feels like it justhappened yesterday.
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That's the stuffI'm talking about.
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My encouragement to you isto forgive, to release it.
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You'll be better for it.
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You won't buy yourself moretime if you keep thinking on it,
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keep ruminating on it,keep holding on to it.
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You're poisoning yourself,you're wishing death on someone
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when actually death is happeningto you in your own inside,
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your mentality, yourheart, your family,
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your kids are tiredof hearing about it,
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your husband is tired of you
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spilling the beansover and over again.
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Reliving the trauma.
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It gets tiresome and you'rethe only one living in that.
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Stuck in that mode,stuck in that place
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and you'll never be freefrom it until you forgive.
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I'm just telling youfor your own benefit.
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I'm helping a sister out,helping a brother out,
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just release them.
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I promise you, you'llbe better for it.
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- Did either of them, eitheryour mother or her boyfriend,
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did either of them everask for forgiveness?
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- So, they didn'task for forgiveness.
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My mum told me, in her way,
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this is a littleof what she said.
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She said "you know, I didn'tmean for it to happen,
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but you know, you wanted awhole lot of stuff and so,
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you know, I had tohave him in the house
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so that he could help pay forthe stuff that you wanted."
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She told me another time.
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She said "I know it was bad,it shouldn't have happened,
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but it wouldn't have happened
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if you woulda justkept your legs closed."
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- So, it's your fault.
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That's your fault.
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- Oh yeah, it was myfault and it was my fault.
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And, I carried that anger, Icarried that identity with me.
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I mean, not onlydid he basically saythat it was my fault,
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she said it was my fault.
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I carried it with me tothe point where I was like
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"I'm defective.
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Something is wrong with me.
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No matter where my namesits on an org chart,
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I don't deserve to be there."
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- Yeah, self-doubt.
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- Self-doubt.
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- Self-loathing too.
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- Yeah.
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- Terrible.
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- And I got to a place in God,I mean literally like tears
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snort bubbles, all of that,
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where I was like "Lord Icannot go on like this.
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I cannot go on like thiswhere this situation
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is literally controlling howI see everything in my life."
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- Yeah.
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- And God told me, God said"you have to forgive them."
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- How do you even begin?
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How do you start that?
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- How did that look for you?
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Because I know thatGod in His great mercy
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gives us the strength to do that
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and I love, I listen,Steven Furtick
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is one of my favorite preachers
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and he talked about forgivenessin God, Jesus in His grace,
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in His mercy when He saidto forgive 70 times seven,
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wasn't for that personjust to keep violating.
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He said it might take you70 times seven times a day
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to forgive.
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And I believe wedo that in faith
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just like we've received oursalvation, we forgive in faith.
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Is that how it worked for you?
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Do you still at times say"God, I just release them
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and I forgive them?"
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Do you still do that?
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- So, I think the way itworked for me is interesting.
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There is so much powerin our testimony.
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I was in college and this iswhen it became full circle.
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I was in college and myroommate had been raped.
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And I found out about it andI was talking to her about it,
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and I said to her as she wascrying, I said "I understand."
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And she said "how canyou possibly understand?
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How can you possiblyunderstand?"
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And I began to sharemy story with her
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and through that, there waslike a softness that happened
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that I realized number one,
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what happened I would preferthat it didn't happen,
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but at the end of the day itdid and because it happened,
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in that moment I was able tobe a minister to this person---
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- Yes, the Aha, you too moment.
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- That's really whatbecame the power
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for me to choose forgivenessis when I realized
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like Joseph I mean my God,
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Joseph his brothers literallyput him in slavery right?
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- Right.
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- But if it wasn'tfor what they did,
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he would not haveeventually become
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the Prime Minister of Egypt
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and been able to savehis entire nation.
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I had to realizethat you know what?
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It sucked, but becauseit happened I am now able
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to be a minister toothers who are in bondage
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and so I'm gratefulfor the grace of God.
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I'm sorry for thepeople who hurt me,
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because I know hurtpeople hurt people,
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but it happened becauseGod intended to use it.
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We place so muchstock in apologies.
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When somebody hurts us,
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you know we really want tohear them say I'm sorry.
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But there's really nopower in an apology.
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I mean if you think about it,
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we apologize because we'resocially conditioned to do so.
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Even as a child right,so we hurt something,
00:12:04.402 --> 00:12:07.338
we broke something and we'retold "say you're sorry."
00:12:07.338 --> 00:12:10.942
And so, we learnedto say we're sorry
00:12:10.942 --> 00:12:12.577
when many times we're not.
00:12:12.577 --> 00:12:14.579
I think that wehave to recognize
00:12:14.579 --> 00:12:16.247
that there is no inherentpower in an apology
00:12:16.247 --> 00:12:19.350
to heal what hurts
00:12:19.350 --> 00:12:21.519
and whether a person everasks for forgiveness or not,
00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:25.190
we have the powerto forgive them
00:12:25.190 --> 00:12:27.926
because we have to understandforgiveness is not about them
00:12:27.926 --> 00:12:31.796
it's about us.
00:12:31.796 --> 00:12:33.031
It's the power thatwe have to essentially
00:12:33.031 --> 00:12:36.000
break the past awayfrom our future.
00:12:36.000 --> 00:12:38.870
It's the power we haveto reclaim ownershipover our destiny
00:12:38.870 --> 00:12:43.007
and basically say"listen what happened
00:12:43.007 --> 00:12:45.476
should not have happenedand I wish it didn't happen,
00:12:45.476 --> 00:12:48.012
but I forgive you becauseI'm not going to allow that
00:12:48.012 --> 00:12:51.182
to control the rest of my life."
00:12:51.182 --> 00:12:52.984
- Whether you'resharing your testimony,
00:12:55.353 --> 00:12:57.322
- Or a prayer request,
00:12:57.322 --> 00:12:58.823
- Stay connected with us onsocial media @bettertogethertv.
00:12:58.823 --> 00:13:02.293
- Join the conversation.
00:13:02.293 --> 00:13:03.695
- We can't waitto hear from you.
00:13:03.695 --> 00:13:05.363
- That's the redemptivepower of Christ.
00:13:09.167 --> 00:13:11.369
- Yeah.
00:13:11.369 --> 00:13:12.437
- Stunning, absolutely stunning.
00:13:12.437 --> 00:13:14.305
I hate that youwent through that.
00:13:14.305 --> 00:13:16.841
- Yeah.
00:13:16.841 --> 00:13:18.076
- But I'm thinking thenumber of women watching
00:13:18.076 --> 00:13:19.811
and they've gone throughsomething like that.
00:13:19.811 --> 00:13:21.279
And their question mightbecome "God where were you?"
00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:25.016
How did you dealwith that of thinking
00:13:25.016 --> 00:13:27.518
"if you're sovereignand you're loving,
00:13:27.518 --> 00:13:30.388
why didn't you stop it?"
00:13:30.388 --> 00:13:31.522
- So, I had aninteresting situation.
00:13:31.522 --> 00:13:33.391
I wasn't raised ina Christian home so,
00:13:33.391 --> 00:13:35.760
I didn't know anything aboutGod or the Bible or church
00:13:35.760 --> 00:13:38.196
like I had no meansof comparison.
00:13:38.196 --> 00:13:40.198
My first time inchurch when I was 11
00:13:41.332 --> 00:13:43.201
and the preacherpreached that day,
00:13:43.201 --> 00:13:45.169
I think it was out of Psalm 68.
00:13:45.169 --> 00:13:46.437
He said "God is a fatherto the fatherless."
00:13:46.437 --> 00:13:49.240
And when he said that,
00:13:49.240 --> 00:13:50.575
because I had alwayswanted my father,
00:13:50.575 --> 00:13:52.810
it spoke to me and Ithink from that moment
00:13:52.810 --> 00:13:57.348
is when I really started tostudy the word of God on my own
00:13:57.348 --> 00:13:59.984
and I discovered myidentity in the Bible
00:13:59.984 --> 00:14:02.553
that the abuse didn'tstop immediately
00:14:02.553 --> 00:14:05.256
but I realized wait a minutethere's a father in heaven.
00:14:05.256 --> 00:14:08.626
I look back now and I'm like
00:14:08.626 --> 00:14:10.762
I should have diedwhen I was nine,
00:14:10.762 --> 00:14:12.230
I should have died when Iwas 11, I should not be here.
00:14:12.230 --> 00:14:15.400
There was a God in heavenwho was protecting me
00:14:15.400 --> 00:14:17.368
when I didn't even wantanyone to protect me.
00:14:17.368 --> 00:14:19.103
I wanted to die.
00:14:19.103 --> 00:14:20.471
So it isn't aquestion of why me?
00:14:20.471 --> 00:14:23.274
I've learned to release the why.
00:14:23.274 --> 00:14:25.777
- That's good.
00:14:25.777 --> 00:14:27.111
- Because I think why issuch a toxic question.
00:14:27.111 --> 00:14:28.780
- Yeah.
00:14:28.780 --> 00:14:30.048
- Especially whenthere's no answer
00:14:30.048 --> 00:14:30.848
that can bring healing.
00:14:30.848 --> 00:14:32.116
Like it doesn't matter.
00:14:32.116 --> 00:14:33.384
- It'll never satisfy.
00:14:33.384 --> 00:14:34.786
- If he said---
00:14:34.786 --> 00:14:35.720
- It's not gonna be good enough.
00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:36.955
- "Oh I did it becauseit happened to me."
00:14:36.955 --> 00:14:38.189
That doesn't makeme feel better.
00:14:38.189 --> 00:14:39.424
If my mom said "ohI let it happen
00:14:39.424 --> 00:14:40.591
because it happened to me."
00:14:40.591 --> 00:14:41.526
It doesn't make me feel better.
00:14:41.526 --> 00:14:42.860
So I had to release whyand just accept what
00:14:42.860 --> 00:14:47.265
and say "OK God usethis for your glory."
00:14:47.265 --> 00:14:50.368
- Yeah.
00:14:50.368 --> 00:14:51.302
- And that's what He's done.
00:14:51.302 --> 00:14:52.036
- Wow!
00:14:52.036 --> 00:14:53.471
So, the forgiveness process,how did it look like?
00:14:53.471 --> 00:14:56.007
- A lot of prayer.
00:14:56.007 --> 00:14:57.342
A lot of prayerand I also had to
00:14:57.342 --> 00:14:59.310
physically kindaseparate myself.
00:14:59.310 --> 00:15:02.146
Because you know, what I'vediscovered about forgiveness
00:15:02.146 --> 00:15:05.183
there's two sides of the coin,
00:15:05.183 --> 00:15:06.684
there's forgiveness andthere's repentance right?
00:15:06.684 --> 00:15:08.453
So the people thattransgress against us,
00:15:08.453 --> 00:15:10.888
repentance is their pathto reconciliation with us.
00:15:10.888 --> 00:15:14.058
My mother was notwilling to repent
00:15:14.058 --> 00:15:16.294
and therefore she continuedto perpetuate the pain
00:15:16.294 --> 00:15:19.430
and so I had to physicallyseparate myself,
00:15:19.430 --> 00:15:21.332
but through prayer, like I prayfor my mother every morning,
00:15:21.332 --> 00:15:24.869
every single morning and that'smade my heart tender to her.
00:15:24.869 --> 00:15:28.973
Discovering the fact thatGod's power is strong enough
00:15:28.973 --> 00:15:32.510
to break that brokenness,that's what really did it for me
00:15:32.510 --> 00:15:37.115
is prayer, studythe word of God,
00:15:37.115 --> 00:15:39.250
being in a community of people
00:15:39.250 --> 00:15:41.185
who have been throughthe same thing
00:15:41.185 --> 00:15:42.687
and we're strengthening eachother, that's important.
00:15:42.687 --> 00:15:46.124
Don't isolate yourself, becauseonce you isolate yourself,
00:15:46.124 --> 00:15:49.394
that's when the enemy isempowered to speak lies to you
00:15:49.394 --> 00:15:52.930
about how you're not worthyand that's just happened
00:15:52.930 --> 00:15:55.600
because you wanted it.
00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:57.168
I think it was gettingin a community of people
00:15:58.336 --> 00:15:59.904
who we're able tospeak life to me
00:15:59.904 --> 00:16:01.773
that really made the difference.
00:16:01.773 --> 00:16:03.007
- I like what you'vesaid about Steven
00:16:03.007 --> 00:16:04.342
that sometimes you haveto do it 700 times a day
00:16:04.342 --> 00:16:07.078
or 400 times a day.
00:16:07.078 --> 00:16:08.813
To me, you start where you are.
00:16:08.813 --> 00:16:10.248
- Right.
00:16:10.248 --> 00:16:11.482
- I had a friend whoreally betrayed me
00:16:11.482 --> 00:16:12.817
somehow because she wasone of my best friends
00:16:14.018 --> 00:16:16.487
and I trusted her, itcut so much deeper.
00:16:16.487 --> 00:16:19.724
And my first prayer offorgiveness was like
00:16:19.724 --> 00:16:22.326
"Lord I forgive her butyou know I don't mean it."
00:16:22.326 --> 00:16:25.663
(talking over one another)
00:16:25.663 --> 00:16:26.864
- [Dianna] No, I don't like her.
00:16:26.864 --> 00:16:28.766
Okay, I said itI don't like her.
00:16:28.766 --> 00:16:30.268
- Give her a large boilin the middle of her face.
00:16:30.268 --> 00:16:31.869
To me it's like here's my willand here's the will of God
00:16:34.205 --> 00:16:36.574
and I wanted to drag my willin line with the will of God.
00:16:36.574 --> 00:16:39.477
So, I started where I was.
00:16:39.477 --> 00:16:40.778
The interesting thingwas as I prayed,
00:16:40.778 --> 00:16:42.980
and prayed every single day,
00:16:42.980 --> 00:16:45.516
I found it by the end ofa few months in a year,
00:16:45.516 --> 00:16:47.685
I was actually praying for her
00:16:47.685 --> 00:16:48.653
with tears running down my face.
00:16:48.653 --> 00:16:51.055
And interestingly enough,
00:16:51.055 --> 00:16:52.990
I saw her for thefirst time last week.
00:16:52.990 --> 00:16:55.059
- Wow!
00:16:55.059 --> 00:16:56.694
- And we hugged each other.
00:16:56.694 --> 00:16:58.062
- [Dianna] Wow!
00:16:58.062 --> 00:16:59.897
- See the goodness of God whenGod says we need to forgive,
00:16:59.897 --> 00:17:04.402
it's not for them, it's for us.
00:17:04.402 --> 00:17:06.737
- Yeah.
00:17:06.737 --> 00:17:08.005
- And what He can doon the inside of us
00:17:08.005 --> 00:17:10.308
and Him showing Hismercy and Himself
00:17:10.308 --> 00:17:13.578
in such a beautiful wayto us and I know sometimes
00:17:13.578 --> 00:17:16.647
that is so hard because,
00:17:16.647 --> 00:17:18.483
there have beentimes I have said
00:17:18.483 --> 00:17:20.251
"God I forgive butit's out of such pain
00:17:20.251 --> 00:17:23.488
and you know my heart.
00:17:23.488 --> 00:17:25.556
My heart is asblack as this Bible
00:17:25.556 --> 00:17:28.459
and you know that but I amgoing to pray for them."
00:17:28.459 --> 00:17:33.164
And God all of a sudden justworks His gracious goodness
00:17:33.164 --> 00:17:37.635
on us and we get to see Himin such a beautiful way.
00:17:37.635 --> 00:17:42.273
And all His waysare so beautifully
00:17:42.273 --> 00:17:44.308
not everything is good butHe takes all of our mess,
00:17:44.308 --> 00:17:48.379
He takes everythingthat was horrible,
00:17:48.379 --> 00:17:50.248
and He makes it good for us.
00:17:50.248 --> 00:17:52.416
- Yes.
00:17:52.416 --> 00:17:53.651
- You know and that'sjust knowing Jesus,
00:17:53.651 --> 00:17:56.020
that's just the life we live.
00:17:56.020 --> 00:17:58.456
- Life is not fair butforgiveness is God's gift to us
00:17:58.456 --> 00:18:03.394
to live in a worldthat's not fair.
00:18:04.562 --> 00:18:06.430
We get to take that offenseand we get to put it
00:18:06.430 --> 00:18:09.901
at the foot of the cross.
00:18:09.901 --> 00:18:11.736
Now, is it great if we'reable to go to that person
00:18:11.736 --> 00:18:14.639
and if they own it and ifthey ask for forgiveness?
00:18:14.639 --> 00:18:18.242
That's wonderful.
00:18:18.242 --> 00:18:19.677
But you don't haveto wait for that.
00:18:19.677 --> 00:18:21.546
It might not even be safe
00:18:21.546 --> 00:18:23.181
for you to be in relationshipagain with that person
00:18:23.181 --> 00:18:26.150
but I want you to know thatChrist wants you to be free.
00:18:26.150 --> 00:18:30.188
Someone said and I couldn'tremember who or I'd credit them,
00:18:30.188 --> 00:18:32.557
but "when we refuse to forgiveis like drinking poison
00:18:32.557 --> 00:18:35.626
and waiting for theother person to die."
00:18:35.626 --> 00:18:37.862
You don't have to livein that cage anymore.
00:18:37.862 --> 00:18:40.698
- I think weromanticize forgiveness.
00:18:41.699 --> 00:18:45.002
I think we watch one toomany Hallmark movies.
00:18:45.002 --> 00:18:47.772
(laughter)
00:18:47.772 --> 00:18:49.707
You know, there is a script,it's done in two hours,
00:18:49.707 --> 00:18:51.876
it's a tragedy, climax, the end.
00:18:51.876 --> 00:18:54.178
- Yeah.
00:18:54.178 --> 00:18:55.379
- We've watched onetoo many Disney movies.
00:18:55.379 --> 00:18:56.380
- Yeah.
00:18:56.380 --> 00:18:57.315
- You know, like---
00:18:57.315 --> 00:18:58.549
- It's all like TheLittle Mermaid right?
00:18:58.549 --> 00:18:59.850
- Yeah.
00:18:59.850 --> 00:19:01.052
Then it's like theylive happily ever after.
00:19:01.052 --> 00:19:02.720
No, not everybody liveshappily ever after.
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:04.755
And so for forgiveness,especially for my life,
00:19:04.755 --> 00:19:09.060
it was the nittygritty of you know
00:19:09.060 --> 00:19:11.462
from word on paper to real life.
00:19:11.462 --> 00:19:15.099
Like how does that happen?
00:19:15.099 --> 00:19:17.201
And so, for people thatsuffer trauma you know,
00:19:17.201 --> 00:19:20.304
just inner healingstuff like it's still
00:19:20.304 --> 00:19:23.074
in the workings or the makingslike in the showroom floor
00:19:23.074 --> 00:19:27.778
where all the bitsand parts of the car
00:19:27.778 --> 00:19:29.747
are all over theplace and you're like
00:19:29.747 --> 00:19:31.415
"can I ever recover this?"
00:19:31.415 --> 00:19:33.351
I'm here to say yes, you can.
00:19:33.351 --> 00:19:35.553
However, it's the toughwork of forgiveness.
00:19:35.553 --> 00:19:39.790
It's work.
00:19:39.790 --> 00:19:40.625
- Yeah, absolutely.
00:19:40.625 --> 00:19:41.459
- This is work.
00:19:41.459 --> 00:19:42.893
And so for me, what itlooked like it was you know,
00:19:42.893 --> 00:19:45.296
getting married, afterhaving my four babies,
00:19:45.296 --> 00:19:47.732
having this moment of like,I imploded at the age of 23
00:19:47.732 --> 00:19:52.737
and walking throughhealing in my marriage,
00:19:53.871 --> 00:19:55.473
it's marriage is notlike the climax of life.
00:19:55.473 --> 00:19:57.742
It's like anotherlayer, another process
00:19:57.742 --> 00:20:00.645
that you invite toprocess you, right?
00:20:00.645 --> 00:20:03.781
So, I distinctly remember
00:20:03.781 --> 00:20:07.084
just having my kidsat my mom's home.
00:20:07.084 --> 00:20:10.955
Now, this is my mom,my biological mom
00:20:10.955 --> 00:20:13.324
and then my step dadnow he was the abuser.
00:20:13.324 --> 00:20:15.726
So, I'm at the home, my kids,
00:20:15.726 --> 00:20:18.896
never wanted them to stay there
00:20:18.896 --> 00:20:20.731
but I would come and bring thekids so my mom would see them
00:20:20.731 --> 00:20:24.568
and it was a momentwhere my daughter
00:20:24.568 --> 00:20:26.904
started running downthe hallway into like
00:20:26.904 --> 00:20:29.273
the lights weren't on andsomething just triggered.
00:20:29.273 --> 00:20:32.043
I swept my kids up, left
00:20:32.043 --> 00:20:34.712
and I was like Ican't do that this.
00:20:34.712 --> 00:20:37.148
This is crazy,this is crazy town.
00:20:37.148 --> 00:20:39.984
I love my mom but Ican't coexist with this
00:20:39.984 --> 00:20:44.989
that's unresolved and metrying to keep pushing forward.
00:20:44.989 --> 00:20:49.960
- Yeah.
00:20:50.761 --> 00:20:51.996
- So, I remember Ispoke with my husband.
00:20:51.996 --> 00:20:55.232
My husband said "areyou ready to do this?"
00:20:55.232 --> 00:20:57.968
And I said yes.
00:20:57.968 --> 00:20:59.537
So, I made an appointmentwith my mom, my step dad.
00:20:59.537 --> 00:21:01.906
So, we were in the living room,
00:21:01.906 --> 00:21:03.507
you know like the furniturehad plastic coverings
00:21:03.507 --> 00:21:06.143
and everything you knowthe Latina version.
00:21:06.143 --> 00:21:07.945
(laughter)
00:21:07.945 --> 00:21:10.748
No stains on the carpet, nostains on the couches all right.
00:21:10.748 --> 00:21:14.285
So we're sitting there
00:21:14.285 --> 00:21:16.387
and I started off theconversation with my mom
00:21:16.387 --> 00:21:20.458
and my step dad andhe was in a wheelchair
00:21:20.458 --> 00:21:23.027
going through dialysis andI don't want to expose him
00:21:23.027 --> 00:21:27.298
in such a way whereit's demeaning anddishonoring of my mom
00:21:27.298 --> 00:21:30.601
but at the same time,I needed to do this.
00:21:30.601 --> 00:21:33.104
- Yeah.
00:21:33.104 --> 00:21:34.338
- So my husband startedoff the conversation.
00:21:34.338 --> 00:21:36.006
I looked to my stepdad and I said you know
00:21:36.006 --> 00:21:38.876
you did this to me andall of a sudden my mom's
00:21:38.876 --> 00:21:41.512
you know like just thenegative impact of news
00:21:41.512 --> 00:21:46.217
falling on you knowing that ithas happened that it is true.
00:21:46.217 --> 00:21:50.121
- Yeah knowing it's true.
00:21:50.121 --> 00:21:51.155
- It's different.
00:21:51.155 --> 00:21:54.291
So, when the news fell onher, seeing my mom crumble,
00:21:54.291 --> 00:21:57.895
seeing my step dad allof a sudden straighten up
00:21:57.895 --> 00:22:01.165
and say "you've ruined my life."
00:22:01.165 --> 00:22:03.334
- What?
00:22:04.435 --> 00:22:05.269
- Yeah.
00:22:05.269 --> 00:22:06.537
And so I paused, myhusband stepped in.
00:22:06.537 --> 00:22:09.473
He goes "do you understandwhat she just said?
00:22:09.473 --> 00:22:12.643
you've abused her and you'rerefusing to admit it."
00:22:12.643 --> 00:22:16.680
He just sat there quietlyand I continued and I said
00:22:16.680 --> 00:22:21.118
"I forgive you.
00:22:21.118 --> 00:22:22.686
I don't need an apologyfrom you but I forgive you."
00:22:22.686 --> 00:22:26.524
And so, all of a sudden it feltlike this weight was lifted.
00:22:26.524 --> 00:22:31.529
- Wow!
00:22:32.029 --> 00:22:34.799
- Dignity and self-respectall in a moment.
00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:37.468
It's like, I don't wanna evenuse I'm taking my power back
00:22:38.903 --> 00:22:42.039
because I have no power.
00:22:42.039 --> 00:22:43.574
- It's like rising up in Christ.
00:22:43.574 --> 00:22:45.042
- It's showing darknessand bring it into the light
00:22:45.042 --> 00:22:49.613
in that I'm choosing God's wordwhether I feel it or don't,
00:22:51.048 --> 00:22:54.685
I'm choosing God's word andso I'm holding God's word
00:22:54.685 --> 00:22:57.721
and I'm like you know what?
00:22:57.721 --> 00:23:00.291
I don't hold youresponsible anymore.
00:23:00.291 --> 00:23:02.359
I leave you in thehands of Jesus.
00:23:02.359 --> 00:23:04.395
And so, I walkedout of that place.
00:23:04.395 --> 00:23:07.798
My husband he was so proudof me, at the same time sad,
00:23:07.798 --> 00:23:12.670
at the same time wantsto hurt somebody.
00:23:12.670 --> 00:23:14.738
- Absolutely, absolutely.
00:23:14.738 --> 00:23:17.041
- But the wholeend of this is that
00:23:17.041 --> 00:23:20.444
for those of us whofeel so fragmented,
00:23:20.444 --> 00:23:23.614
feel like we can't get over it,
00:23:23.614 --> 00:23:26.050
like I'm here to tell youlike there is a process,
00:23:26.050 --> 00:23:29.487
there is a coming of theminds, meeting of the minds
00:23:29.487 --> 00:23:32.556
and you come to grips with thehonest conversation you know
00:23:32.556 --> 00:23:35.993
whether your abuser,you know who abuse you
00:23:35.993 --> 00:23:38.496
doesn't even ask for forgivenessdoesn't even say I'm sorry
00:23:38.496 --> 00:23:42.466
you know maybe railroads youand tells you to be quiet
00:23:42.466 --> 00:23:45.903
and never addressedthe issue with you.
00:23:45.903 --> 00:23:48.472
But I left that place different,
00:23:48.472 --> 00:23:51.876
I felt like I met Jesus there.
00:23:51.876 --> 00:23:53.911
Like another part of likethe weapons of warfare
00:23:53.911 --> 00:23:58.482
were added to my likeArsenal is like you know.
00:23:58.482 --> 00:24:01.418
(laughter)
00:24:01.418 --> 00:24:03.954
But that's what theLord did in my life
00:24:03.954 --> 00:24:07.191
and now I'm livinga blessed life
00:24:07.191 --> 00:24:09.560
because even thoughforgiveness doesn't give proof
00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:14.031
but it does release you.
00:24:14.031 --> 00:24:15.666
It's like havinga piano you know
00:24:15.666 --> 00:24:17.735
dangling on the otherside of the building
00:24:17.735 --> 00:24:19.336
and you're tied atthe other end you know
00:24:19.336 --> 00:24:21.505
it's gonna either pull you oryou just going to release it.
00:24:21.505 --> 00:24:24.441
So I---
00:24:24.441 --> 00:24:25.476
- You took that territory back.
00:24:25.476 --> 00:24:26.710
You took that pieceof your soul back.
00:24:26.710 --> 00:24:28.245
- Yeah, it's like, sometimesforgiveness is just greedy.
00:24:28.245 --> 00:24:31.482
You have to.
00:24:31.482 --> 00:24:33.117
- So God, I pray right nowfor those who are watching,
00:24:33.117 --> 00:24:36.320
for those who are listeningand there saying that
00:24:36.320 --> 00:24:38.956
"you know what the ability toforgive is beyond my capacity,
00:24:38.956 --> 00:24:43.594
it's beyond my strength."
00:24:43.594 --> 00:24:45.696
God, I pray that your gracewould just be in the hearts
00:24:45.696 --> 00:24:50.267
of those people.
00:24:50.267 --> 00:24:51.802
I pray Lord that you wouldhelp them to recognize
00:24:51.802 --> 00:24:54.972
that forgiveness is a giftthat we give to ourselves
00:24:54.972 --> 00:24:58.909
so that we can actuallystep into the future
00:24:58.909 --> 00:25:01.145
without the baggagefrom the past.
00:25:01.145 --> 00:25:03.847
I pray God for thembut I also pray
00:25:03.847 --> 00:25:06.517
that you will make theirhearts tender to the person
00:25:06.517 --> 00:25:09.053
who hurt them so deeply
00:25:09.053 --> 00:25:10.554
even that person who hasnever asked for forgiveness.
00:25:10.554 --> 00:25:13.657
That person who is indignant,
00:25:13.657 --> 00:25:15.626
that person who even blamedthem for what they did.
00:25:15.626 --> 00:25:19.563
My prayer God is that youwould help them to become
00:25:19.563 --> 00:25:22.733
tender to that person becauseonly through tenderness
00:25:22.733 --> 00:25:27.004
will they actuallyexperience freedom.
00:25:27.004 --> 00:25:29.740
In Jesus name I pray.
00:25:29.740 --> 00:25:31.342
Amen.
00:25:31.342 --> 00:25:32.943
- [Announcer] You can callthe number on your screen
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right now to talkto a prayer partner.
00:25:34.645 --> 00:25:36.780
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00:25:36.780 --> 00:25:40.551
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00:25:40.551 --> 00:25:44.188
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Go to bettertogether.tvto stream
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all of our latest conversation.
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Next time on Better Together.
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- How do we accomplishthe one accord?
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Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

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Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

Healing Through Forgiveness | Better Together

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