Healing the Heart | Better Together | TBN

Healing the Heart | Better Together

Watch Healing the Heart | Better Together
September 17, 2019
27:07

Let's talk about overcoming barriers to healthy emotional intimacy in romantic relationships. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Healing the Heart | Better Together

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  • - Are you ready to be loved?
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  • Today we're taking aim at the issues that try
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  • to keep our hearts bound in chains.
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  • Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
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  • Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
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  • Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
  • 00:00:23.080 --> 00:00:27.040
  • Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
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  • Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
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  • Ooh, ooh, ooh
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  • - So I wanna talk about trust issues today.
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  • I feel like this is a big issues with many women in general.
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  • I feel like our greatest need is security,
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  • to feel safe and I was adopted at the age of six months,
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  • but I had some trauma that happened to me beforehand.
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  • And so I ended up just seeking all
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  • these really bad relationships for value and worth
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  • throughout my life.
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  • And so I get into relationships as a teenager,
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  • I cheat on my boyfriend, he would cheat on me.
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  • We were just a disaster.
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  • It was just so bad.
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  • Then I found Christ, and I was like,
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  • wait, like hold on, fornication is wrong.
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  • I didn't know that.
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  • I've called it fornification.
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  • (ladies laughing)
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  • - [Bianca] Never heard of it.
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  • - I was like no told me that.
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  • You know what I mean?
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  • So then I have all this baggage that I'm carrying with me
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  • that I'm like believing God that I'm healed from,
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  • set free, then I meet my husband.
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  • We wait to kiss until our wedding day,
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  • a year and eight months.
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  • So you would think that I'm going into marriage
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  • with like all these great, no trust issues,
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  • everything's fine, no.
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  • I drag all the baggage that I had with me into my marriage.
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  • My husband would be like, "I'm going to get a haircut."
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  • And I'm like, "Who's at the barber shop?"
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  • He's like, "My barber."
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  • (ladies laughing)
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  • I'm like, "Oh my gosh, I'm being a crazy person."
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  • And I would go through his phone that first year
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  • of our marriage and he would be like,
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  • "I'm not talking to anybody.
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  • "I'm with you 24/7.
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  • "We work together.
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  • "We do everything together at this little house."
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  • And so I had to overcome that barrier and what worked for me
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  • is one day I remember just, I remember the Holy Spirit
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  • telling me, "I love you so much.
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  • "Your identity is in me.
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  • "It's not in who abandoned you.
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  • "It's not in who rejected you.
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  • "It's not in those things."
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  • And I had to learn that I'm not gonna be a crazy person.
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  • I'm not gonna spend my whole life in bondage to my past
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  • and who I used to be.
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  • So I've learned that I can't charge my husband
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  • for the people that hurt me from my past.
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  • I can't do that and granted I might have some baggage,
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  • but there are some things that I need to take to the Lord
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  • that my husband can't heal.
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  • Yes my husband has been a great part of my healing,
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  • especially with dealing with like abandonment and rejection,
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  • but some of the baggage that I carried with me.
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  • Only the Lord can heal that stuff that's going on
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  • in my heart.
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  • So my husband is great, he's a great leader,
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  • great priest over our household,
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  • but he's not gonna solve all my problems and make me whole.
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  • That's not even possible.
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  • So I've learned that I can't hold my past
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  • over my husband's head and say
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  • "Well you need to be more like this, no."
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  • I want him to be who God called him to be.
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  • So I surrendered my marriage to the Lord and I said,
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  • "God here it is.
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  • "I'm no longer gonna be a crazy person.
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  • "I give it to you and I surrender it to you."
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  • And then I remember, I had those thoughts come up,
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  • like, "Go through his phone."
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  • And it's like he'd give me no reason to look at his phone.
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  • I was just being crazy.
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  • And I'd say "No, he's not my past,
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  • "he's not my ex-boyfriend, he's my husband,
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  • "and he's a Godly man, and he's a good man."
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  • So I had to fight back with the word of God
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  • and open up my mouth and say,
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  • "No, I'm gonna pass this test."
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  • And then I watched our marriage change.
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  • (ladies reacting)
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  • Like I watched literally the enemy
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  • stopped attacking me in that very area,
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  • because I wasn't giving in to every desire
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  • or urge to be crazy.
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  • - I think that this is a huge conversation
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  • that's not being addressed,
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  • but it's barriers to intimacy.
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  • We want to be known, we want to be trusted,
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  • we wanna trust someone, but without even realizing
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  • there's barriers that we are aware of or unaware of.
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  • You had a high level of self realization,
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  • but there are sometimes when we're in relationships
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  • with people where they're not aware of some of the barriers
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  • that they too possess.
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  • And so my husband and I have spoken openly about this
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  • and he is totally okay with me saying this.
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  • But our first year of marriage was so incredibly difficult.
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  • Heather like yourself, I was a virgin when I got,
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  • well I was a virgin when I got married,
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  • but I did kiss my husband before we were married.
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  • Don't judge me.
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  • (ladies reacting)
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  • Don't judge me, don't judge me, but we waited.
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  • We did everything right,
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  • so I thought you know Songs of Solomon,
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  • it's all good.
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  • Like we waited, we didn't open everything.
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  • Everything's gonna be just heavenly and perfect.
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  • But I was wife 2.0 for him, so he was divorced,
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  • and he had had worked through so many issues,
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  • pastoral counseling, even some great
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  • godly therapy and counseling,
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  • but he was unaware of some of the baggage
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  • that was coming into our marriage.
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  • And at one point I turned to him and I said,
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  • "I cannot pay for the sins of your ex-wife."
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  • In my first year of marriage with my husband Matt,
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  • we were experiencing some pretty severe tension.
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  • Not only have I stepped into the stepmother role,
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  • and became a wife, I had moved locations,
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  • I had moved vocations, and I had moved church's.
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  • My whole life was in flux,
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  • but then I started noticing these things that almost
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  • felt like a sense of a lack of trust.
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  • Now in my husband's previous marriage,
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  • there was infidelity multiple times.
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  • What I didn't know then and I was beginning to recognize
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  • these hints of was a level of distrust.
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  • So in one shall we say heated moment of fellowship,
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  • we were going back and forth with some pretty strong words,
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  • and it just hit me.
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  • I believe it was the spirit of God,
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  • but I had said, "Hey, I need you to know that you are safe.
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  • "I need you to know that I love you.
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  • "I need you to know that I'm never gonna leave you
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  • "or abandon you or cheat on you.
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  • "But I cannot pay for the sins of your first wife."
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  • That changed our relationship.
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  • So if you have a high level of self awareness
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  • and you can have a Holy Spirit conversation, amazing.
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  • But can we be open enough with people that we have built
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  • relationships with, that if they say,
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  • that there is a trust issue,
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  • it might be a barrier that's inhibiting us
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  • from opening ourself up or being known
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  • which is the core of what we want.
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  • We want to be known, seen, and loved.
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  • The totality of who we are.
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  • - Especially with trauma it's hard.
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  • For someone who has suffered trauma,
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  • like either your husband that's been kind of raked
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  • over the coals and as far as safety,
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  • as far as someone who's been adopted
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  • and you've suffered trauma.
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  • I think people like myself, and like us,
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  • when it comes to trauma, it's a vulnerability.
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  • And it's hard to talk about it at times,
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  • because we're not sure if it's a safe place
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  • to talk about it.
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  • But when your in the context of marriage,
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  • it was even challenging for me to be honest with my stuff,
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  • my baggage, my load, and so needless to say,
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  • just to share like a little snapshot,
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  • my husband and I,
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  • we were sitting in the car before we
  • 00:06:39.070 --> 00:06:40.270
  • even contemplated getting married,
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  • and we just talked about our past.
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  • I wanted to be honest.
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  • I wanted to share my life.
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  • And so, ooh.
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  • - When you cry, everybody cries.
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  • (ladies reacting)
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  • I'll cry with you.
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  • I love her so much.
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  • - I can't cry, but I'm sorry I don't wanna mess up my.
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  • (ladies laughing)
  • 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:02.190
  • - But it's when you're honest with your stuff.
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  • It's one thing to say and have this
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  • like couch type of conversation,
  • 00:07:07.150 --> 00:07:10.020
  • but when you're face to face with the person that you love,
  • 00:07:10.020 --> 00:07:13.050
  • that you're gonna do life with for a long period of time,
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  • it's a whole another story.
  • 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:18.280
  • Going through sexual past, history, abuse.
  • 00:07:18.280 --> 00:07:22.050
  • - It's real.
  • 00:07:22.050 --> 00:07:23.000
  • - And there's so many people that they feel like if I share
  • 00:07:24.130 --> 00:07:28.000
  • the good, bad, and the ugly,
  • 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:29.120
  • the ugly you're gonna get stuck on
  • 00:07:29.120 --> 00:07:31.190
  • and I don't think we'll have a healthy relationship.
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  • And I'm just so grateful that there are people in our lives
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  • that were willing to risk that vulnerability,
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  • that they accept it,
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  • and then they walk with you in that journey,
  • 00:07:44.230 --> 00:07:47.070
  • because marriage is not the apex of our lives.
  • 00:07:47.070 --> 00:07:50.200
  • It's just another process that we're going through.
  • 00:07:50.200 --> 00:07:53.140
  • So as someone who has overcome so much,
  • 00:07:53.140 --> 00:07:56.260
  • I'm here to encourage you that you can have healthy,
  • 00:07:56.260 --> 00:07:59.240
  • a healthy sex life, you can have a healthy marriage,
  • 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:03.200
  • you can raise healthy kids,
  • 00:08:03.200 --> 00:08:05.200
  • because I've experienced the touch of Jesus in my own life.
  • 00:08:05.200 --> 00:08:09.240
  • And so if you've struggled with identity issues,
  • 00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:12.290
  • whether you struggled with intimacy issues,
  • 00:08:12.290 --> 00:08:15.060
  • I'm here to tell you that Jesus not only heals an illness,
  • 00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:19.200
  • a sickness, he also heals in these areas as well,
  • 00:08:19.200 --> 00:08:22.250
  • but private parts that hardly anyone gets to see.
  • 00:08:22.250 --> 00:08:25.280
  • When you know the Lord kind of moves the black curtain
  • 00:08:25.280 --> 00:08:29.020
  • over our lives and he goes beyond the veil,
  • 00:08:29.020 --> 00:08:31.240
  • and he begins to see some of these inner workings
  • 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:34.120
  • of intimacy and that was my story.
  • 00:08:34.120 --> 00:08:37.170
  • Through the course of the years of our marriage,
  • 00:08:37.170 --> 00:08:39.250
  • the trust was built,
  • 00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:41.260
  • the intimacy was built,
  • 00:08:41.260 --> 00:08:43.210
  • some of the things, the hangups,
  • 00:08:43.210 --> 00:08:45.070
  • even the stuff that I was stonewalling, emotionally,
  • 00:08:45.070 --> 00:08:49.150
  • physically, even in the most intimate moments
  • 00:08:49.150 --> 00:08:52.240
  • that I was able to bypass that and press through
  • 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.120
  • and God met me there.
  • 00:08:56.120 --> 00:08:58.060
  • And so when it comes to safety, security, vulnerability,
  • 00:08:58.060 --> 00:09:02.050
  • it's a real thing,
  • 00:09:02.050 --> 00:09:03.180
  • it's a real conversation that I don't think many women
  • 00:09:03.180 --> 00:09:06.230
  • understand that it's a risk.
  • 00:09:06.230 --> 00:09:08.290
  • Relationship is a risk.
  • 00:09:08.290 --> 00:09:10.170
  • Intimacy is a risk.
  • 00:09:10.170 --> 00:09:12.000
  • Finding new friends within our world is a risk,
  • 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:15.240
  • and so little by little you begin to make ways
  • 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:19.240
  • of just building that intimacy,
  • 00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:22.100
  • that vulnerability, and seeing that it's a safe place
  • 00:09:22.100 --> 00:09:25.030
  • for people to grow and flourish, and thrive.
  • 00:09:25.030 --> 00:09:27.280
  • - I think it's a step of faith.
  • 00:09:27.280 --> 00:09:30.240
  • All of that is a step of faith to go ahead and share
  • 00:09:30.240 --> 00:09:34.250
  • and to just to trust God.
  • 00:09:34.250 --> 00:09:37.150
  • And to guard your heart,
  • 00:09:37.150 --> 00:09:40.030
  • but yet be able to be in that vulnerable state
  • 00:09:40.030 --> 00:09:43.210
  • of sharing things.
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  • My husband and I,
  • 00:09:47.060 --> 00:09:48.050
  • I was a pastor's daughter
  • 00:09:51.270 --> 00:09:53.140
  • and wanted to save everything before marriage
  • 00:09:53.140 --> 00:09:56.240
  • and then prayed that God would save my husband.
  • 00:09:56.240 --> 00:09:59.090
  • And so a lot of the things that I had even prayed
  • 00:09:59.090 --> 00:10:02.160
  • for weren't answered.
  • 00:10:02.160 --> 00:10:05.180
  • And I remember that the trust factor was huge with me
  • 00:10:05.180 --> 00:10:10.180
  • and I lived in my own private
  • 00:10:11.140 --> 00:10:15.120
  • and I've never shared this,
  • 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:18.160
  • my own, I made hell in my brain for myself,
  • 00:10:18.160 --> 00:10:23.160
  • and I remember my husband looked at me one day and he said,
  • 00:10:24.270 --> 00:10:29.260
  • "You act like I was just having a big party."
  • 00:10:31.030 --> 00:10:36.010
  • And he said, "It was the worst time of my life."
  • 00:10:36.010 --> 00:10:38.170
  • And he said, "You have no idea the pain and the hurt."
  • 00:10:40.070 --> 00:10:44.020
  • And that changed my whole perspective.
  • 00:10:44.020 --> 00:10:48.170
  • And I thought, "Here I've been putting my husband
  • 00:10:48.170 --> 00:10:50.150
  • "through hell for the last couple of years.
  • 00:10:50.150 --> 00:10:53.070
  • "The first years of our marriage."
  • 00:10:53.070 --> 00:10:54.190
  • And just that, in that area,
  • 00:10:54.190 --> 00:10:56.120
  • and all because of what was going on in my brain.
  • 00:10:58.100 --> 00:11:01.180
  • In my mind.
  • 00:11:01.180 --> 00:11:03.130
  • The biggest battlefield we have is right here.
  • 00:11:03.130 --> 00:11:06.060
  • (laughs)
  • 00:11:06.060 --> 00:11:07.010
  • It's between our ears.
  • 00:11:07.010 --> 00:11:08.150
  • And I think we make life so difficult for ourselves,
  • 00:11:08.150 --> 00:11:13.000
  • by just not taking all of those thoughts captive,
  • 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:17.050
  • like Jesus said, he said,
  • 00:11:17.050 --> 00:11:18.270
  • "Casting down all thoughts and imaginations."
  • 00:11:18.270 --> 00:11:22.280
  • Things that are against the knowledge of God.
  • 00:11:22.280 --> 00:11:24.230
  • Things that aren't true.
  • 00:11:24.230 --> 00:11:26.070
  • Sometimes we just dwell on things that aren't even true.
  • 00:11:26.070 --> 00:11:29.070
  • Things that enemy tries to put in our minds.
  • 00:11:29.070 --> 00:11:32.020
  • That stop us and make us mad or just try to choke off
  • 00:11:32.020 --> 00:11:37.020
  • the life that God has for us.
  • 00:11:37.280 --> 00:11:40.180
  • So I think we can make a private hell for ourselves.
  • 00:11:42.000 --> 00:11:45.090
  • And to be able to release that to God and to be healed
  • 00:11:45.090 --> 00:11:48.240
  • on the inside from insecurity or that's a huge thing
  • 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:52.270
  • and I know so many people that have been abused.
  • 00:11:52.270 --> 00:11:56.030
  • And to be healed from that.
  • 00:11:56.030 --> 00:11:58.150
  • We need to be healed from that.
  • 00:11:58.150 --> 00:12:01.080
  • - What do you guys think about therapy.
  • 00:12:01.080 --> 00:12:02.250
  • I feel like it's becoming more popular now.
  • 00:12:02.250 --> 00:12:05.010
  • - [Dianna] It's powerful.
  • 00:12:05.010 --> 00:12:06.290
  • Christian therapy--
  • 00:12:06.290 --> 00:12:08.070
  • - I was gonna say Christian therapy.
  • 00:12:08.070 --> 00:12:09.180
  • - Christian therapy is very powerful.
  • 00:12:09.180 --> 00:12:10.270
  • I actually went to a therapist a few times
  • 00:12:10.270 --> 00:12:12.210
  • because I said, I felt like I was fine,
  • 00:12:12.210 --> 00:12:15.080
  • but I was like let me go and make sure,
  • 00:12:15.080 --> 00:12:17.180
  • because I'm pouring out.
  • 00:12:17.180 --> 00:12:18.210
  • We're all in ministry.
  • 00:12:18.210 --> 00:12:20.090
  • If you're constantly pouring out all the time,
  • 00:12:20.090 --> 00:12:22.150
  • who's pouring back into you?
  • 00:12:22.150 --> 00:12:23.220
  • Yes you could go spend time with the Lord,
  • 00:12:23.220 --> 00:12:25.060
  • but I think being in ministry sometimes you get elevated
  • 00:12:25.060 --> 00:12:27.210
  • to this level and everybody's like,
  • 00:12:27.210 --> 00:12:29.050
  • "Oh you're so great, you never go through anything."
  • 00:12:29.050 --> 00:12:31.110
  • So I went to a therapist a few times.
  • 00:12:31.110 --> 00:12:32.240
  • I'm like talk this out with me make sure
  • 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:34.060
  • that I'm okay for upkeep.
  • 00:12:34.060 --> 00:12:35.170
  • But I feel like therapy's a good thing.
  • 00:12:35.170 --> 00:12:37.090
  • If you have been through some type of abuse,
  • 00:12:37.090 --> 00:12:39.070
  • some type of trauma, you're adopted, rejection, if you're--
  • 00:12:39.070 --> 00:12:42.160
  • - Betrayal. - Betrayal, divorce,
  • 00:12:42.160 --> 00:12:44.200
  • all those different things.
  • 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:46.080
  • Don't fight the battle by yourself.
  • 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:47.290
  • You need to have a game plan,
  • 00:12:47.290 --> 00:12:49.280
  • because the enemy is trying to attack you.
  • 00:12:49.280 --> 00:12:51.240
  • - Singles need to heal absolutely from their past
  • 00:12:51.240 --> 00:12:55.090
  • before pursuing another relationship.
  • 00:12:55.090 --> 00:12:57.060
  • Because you'll bring the hurt with you.
  • 00:12:57.060 --> 00:12:59.290
  • Now I will say this,
  • 00:12:59.290 --> 00:13:01.150
  • there are certain hurts though that can only be healed
  • 00:13:01.150 --> 00:13:04.040
  • in another relationship.
  • 00:13:04.040 --> 00:13:05.290
  • So there are certain parts of it that has to be healed
  • 00:13:05.290 --> 00:13:08.210
  • prior to, counseling is great,
  • 00:13:08.210 --> 00:13:10.240
  • and that might be professional counseling,
  • 00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:12.120
  • it might be pastors, it might be community,
  • 00:13:12.120 --> 00:13:15.110
  • but I pray that it would always be godly.
  • 00:13:15.110 --> 00:13:17.270
  • But until you heal in certain areas,
  • 00:13:17.270 --> 00:13:20.170
  • you won't be able to grow.
  • 00:13:20.170 --> 00:13:22.220
  • And I believe that healing always starts with forgiveness.
  • 00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:27.030
  • That's giving forgiveness and receiving forgiveness.
  • 00:13:27.030 --> 00:13:29.250
  • Giving forgiveness to those who wronged you
  • 00:13:29.250 --> 00:13:31.210
  • and receiving forgiveness in areas
  • 00:13:31.210 --> 00:13:33.090
  • that you have wronged someone else.
  • 00:13:33.090 --> 00:13:35.110
  • Without that I don't believe that healing is possible.
  • 00:13:35.110 --> 00:13:37.270
  • With that, it's definitely attainable, definitely.
  • 00:13:37.270 --> 00:13:40.240
  • And so I believe as a single,
  • 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:43.280
  • that in order to move forward,
  • 00:13:43.280 --> 00:13:45.150
  • you have to have these tools, you have to heal,
  • 00:13:45.150 --> 00:13:47.260
  • Connect with us on social media to share your take
  • 00:13:49.090 --> 00:13:51.190
  • on today's topic.
  • 00:13:51.190 --> 00:13:53.040
  • - Ask a question using the hashtag #askbettertogether.
  • 00:13:53.040 --> 00:13:56.100
  • - Or share a prayer request.
  • 00:13:56.100 --> 00:13:57.250
  • - Our conversations are not complete without you.
  • 00:13:57.250 --> 00:14:00.190
  • (soft music)
  • 00:14:00.190 --> 00:14:03.190
  • - Even Pastor Jimmy Evans he wrote, with another pastor,
  • 00:14:03.190 --> 00:14:07.140
  • of strength based marriages,
  • 00:14:07.140 --> 00:14:09.100
  • and when you do the test, he was on Praise with us,
  • 00:14:09.100 --> 00:14:12.220
  • and just to hear them talk back about who you are
  • 00:14:12.220 --> 00:14:16.220
  • on the inside and how you fit together,
  • 00:14:16.220 --> 00:14:19.030
  • it just shines light on so many things and I think that's
  • 00:14:19.030 --> 00:14:23.150
  • what therapy can do, it can shed light on stuff,
  • 00:14:23.150 --> 00:14:26.090
  • that you just kind of go,
  • 00:14:26.090 --> 00:14:27.070
  • "Huh, yeah you're right."
  • 00:14:27.070 --> 00:14:29.270
  • And reading good books. - Hearing a third perspective.
  • 00:14:29.270 --> 00:14:31.250
  • A third perspective,
  • 00:14:31.250 --> 00:14:33.020
  • just to be on the outside looking in.
  • 00:14:33.020 --> 00:14:34.180
  • - [Laurie] Something that you get out of the weeds.
  • 00:14:34.180 --> 00:14:36.020
  • - What we realized in our first year of marriage
  • 00:14:36.020 --> 00:14:37.150
  • is I wanted to deal with it privately.
  • 00:14:37.150 --> 00:14:39.150
  • I didn't want anyone to know that we were having issues
  • 00:14:39.150 --> 00:14:41.280
  • and then my husband's on staff at a church,
  • 00:14:41.280 --> 00:14:44.030
  • and I was just like, this is,
  • 00:14:44.030 --> 00:14:45.210
  • I waited, we did everything right,
  • 00:14:45.210 --> 00:14:47.040
  • we shouldn't have issues.
  • 00:14:47.040 --> 00:14:48.190
  • And so the first year I think we silently suffered
  • 00:14:48.190 --> 00:14:50.210
  • and it wasn't until I just kind of put pride aside,
  • 00:14:50.210 --> 00:14:53.130
  • it was also stigmatized growing up.
  • 00:14:53.130 --> 00:14:54.260
  • It was like that's only for ill people
  • 00:14:54.260 --> 00:14:57.150
  • or that's a only for people who can't control--
  • 00:14:57.150 --> 00:15:00.120
  • - That was the perception.
  • 00:15:00.120 --> 00:15:01.160
  • - That was the perception.
  • 00:15:01.160 --> 00:15:02.290
  • That was totally the perception and my husband was the one
  • 00:15:02.290 --> 00:15:04.130
  • that was like encouraging me to step in
  • 00:15:04.130 --> 00:15:06.260
  • and I was the one that was reticent to saying yes,
  • 00:15:06.260 --> 00:15:08.280
  • because I was afraid of public perception.
  • 00:15:08.280 --> 00:15:11.130
  • Had it not been for the saving grace of Jesus Christ
  • 00:15:11.130 --> 00:15:14.170
  • in our marriage, and a phenomenal counselor,
  • 00:15:14.170 --> 00:15:17.000
  • that we still love and see for tune ups and check ins.
  • 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:19.280
  • I really wonder, I wonder if we would be here today?
  • 00:15:19.280 --> 00:15:24.010
  • I really do.
  • 00:15:25.010 --> 00:15:26.070
  • It was, I mean, we're a blended family.
  • 00:15:26.070 --> 00:15:27.260
  • Well he had two kids, I had no kids,
  • 00:15:27.260 --> 00:15:30.040
  • I'd never married, he had been married.
  • 00:15:30.040 --> 00:15:31.270
  • I'm moving from LA to Orange County,
  • 00:15:31.270 --> 00:15:33.280
  • my life is turned upside down. - It's a big deal.
  • 00:15:33.280 --> 00:15:35.270
  • - So we were, it was blending together,
  • 00:15:35.270 --> 00:15:38.130
  • it was crazy and his communication style,
  • 00:15:38.130 --> 00:15:40.230
  • my communication style,
  • 00:15:40.230 --> 00:15:42.080
  • his love languages, my love languages.
  • 00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:43.250
  • His enneagram number, my enneagram number.
  • 00:15:43.250 --> 00:15:45.070
  • It was like why are you--
  • 00:15:45.070 --> 00:15:46.130
  • - See abort, opposite.
  • 00:15:46.130 --> 00:15:48.040
  • - [Bianca] Absolutely, absolutely.
  • 00:15:48.040 --> 00:15:50.250
  • - You know so many of us I think we're trained
  • 00:15:50.250 --> 00:15:53.030
  • to write our list and tell God what we wanted in a man
  • 00:15:53.030 --> 00:15:56.140
  • and all that.
  • 00:15:56.140 --> 00:15:57.210
  • Well maybe your list wasn't fulfilled,
  • 00:15:57.210 --> 00:16:00.050
  • maybe you got some stuff maybe you didn't have on your list.
  • 00:16:00.050 --> 00:16:03.010
  • Yeah that's not on here, but maybe that's what you got.
  • 00:16:03.010 --> 00:16:06.060
  • I think it's so important to see our husbands
  • 00:16:06.060 --> 00:16:09.020
  • the way God sees 'em
  • 00:16:09.020 --> 00:16:10.120
  • and to hone in on those gifts and those talents
  • 00:16:10.120 --> 00:16:15.120
  • and speak life into the good things that your husband is.
  • 00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:21.160
  • God knows more about you than anybody else does.
  • 00:16:22.220 --> 00:16:26.160
  • He knew what you needed.
  • 00:16:26.160 --> 00:16:28.080
  • God knew what I needed and he gave me exactly what I needed.
  • 00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:33.080
  • - But we just needed tools and counseling provided healthy
  • 00:16:34.210 --> 00:16:36.200
  • communication to remove the barriers to the intimacy
  • 00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:39.200
  • we both really wanted there.
  • 00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:41.120
  • - Back to the trust issue really quickly too.
  • 00:16:42.230 --> 00:16:44.110
  • I wanted to say, I think sometimes we forget, even as women,
  • 00:16:44.110 --> 00:16:48.010
  • that really you can't put complete trust in anybody.
  • 00:16:48.010 --> 00:16:51.190
  • Not a spouse, not a boyfriend, not a fiance,
  • 00:16:51.190 --> 00:16:54.280
  • only the bible says like "Cursed is he who puts faith
  • 00:16:54.280 --> 00:16:58.000
  • "in arm of the flesh."
  • 00:16:58.000 --> 00:16:59.150
  • So it really has to be on the Lord.
  • 00:16:59.150 --> 00:17:01.130
  • And I think, because some people think that if,
  • 00:17:01.130 --> 00:17:03.280
  • they go to the worst.
  • 00:17:05.100 --> 00:17:06.090
  • What if the worst happens?
  • 00:17:06.090 --> 00:17:07.240
  • That's the thing that they fear the most,
  • 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:10.020
  • therefore they can't trust.
  • 00:17:10.020 --> 00:17:11.190
  • What if he leaves me?
  • 00:17:11.190 --> 00:17:12.190
  • What if he doesn't like me?
  • 00:17:12.190 --> 00:17:13.190
  • What if he rejects me?
  • 00:17:13.190 --> 00:17:14.190
  • What if he cheats?
  • 00:17:14.190 --> 00:17:15.150
  • What if he beats me?
  • 00:17:15.150 --> 00:17:16.230
  • We have all these fears.
  • 00:17:16.230 --> 00:17:18.070
  • And I can just say honestly that even if the worst happens,
  • 00:17:18.070 --> 00:17:22.180
  • I've had the worst happen, God is still there.
  • 00:17:22.180 --> 00:17:25.210
  • When it comes to the trust issue,
  • 00:17:25.210 --> 00:17:27.290
  • for me it has to be rooted in Christ
  • 00:17:27.290 --> 00:17:30.260
  • and this is what I've learned in my umpteen years
  • 00:17:30.260 --> 00:17:33.280
  • of doing relationships, some well and some not so well.
  • 00:17:33.280 --> 00:17:37.000
  • Is that really until I can place my hope
  • 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:40.110
  • and my trust for real.
  • 00:17:40.110 --> 00:17:41.260
  • Not just in saying it.
  • 00:17:41.260 --> 00:17:43.130
  • But place it for real in the lap, in the hands,
  • 00:17:43.130 --> 00:17:46.170
  • and in the arms of Jesus Christ,
  • 00:17:46.170 --> 00:17:48.250
  • then I can't trust you, small T,
  • 00:17:48.250 --> 00:17:51.010
  • util I can trust him, capital T.
  • 00:17:51.010 --> 00:17:53.150
  • I can't trust anyone else, but when I began to trust him
  • 00:17:53.150 --> 00:17:57.000
  • and give him my heart, my affections, and say okay,
  • 00:17:57.000 --> 00:17:59.250
  • I'm giving you my heart this time.
  • 00:17:59.250 --> 00:18:01.120
  • I'm not giving it to him.
  • 00:18:01.120 --> 00:18:02.110
  • I'm not giving it to them.
  • 00:18:02.110 --> 00:18:03.260
  • I'm giving it to you.
  • 00:18:03.260 --> 00:18:05.110
  • And I'm asking you to lead and guide me in the way
  • 00:18:05.110 --> 00:18:07.100
  • that I should go.
  • 00:18:07.100 --> 00:18:08.240
  • If you get hurt, I'll heal you.
  • 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.230
  • - Trusting the Lord with all your heart.
  • 00:18:11.290 --> 00:18:13.040
  • - All your heart, yes.
  • 00:18:13.040 --> 00:18:15.050
  • It comes back to that.
  • 00:18:15.050 --> 00:18:16.220
  • It really does. - It really does.
  • 00:18:16.220 --> 00:18:18.070
  • - And casting your care unto the Lord,
  • 00:18:18.070 --> 00:18:20.010
  • 'cause I feel like in every season of you life,
  • 00:18:20.010 --> 00:18:22.120
  • especially when you have children,
  • 00:18:22.120 --> 00:18:24.190
  • then you go through different levels.
  • 00:18:24.190 --> 00:18:25.260
  • When you're pregnant, you have the fear,
  • 00:18:25.260 --> 00:18:27.070
  • what if I have a miscarriage?
  • 00:18:27.070 --> 00:18:28.090
  • Then you're baby gets here,
  • 00:18:28.090 --> 00:18:29.170
  • then you worry what if SIDS happens and then,
  • 00:18:29.170 --> 00:18:31.260
  • year one happens, and it's like,
  • 00:18:31.260 --> 00:18:32.270
  • then you go to school.
  • 00:18:32.270 --> 00:18:34.160
  • You worry about influences,
  • 00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:35.240
  • so I just feel like it's an attack from the enemy
  • 00:18:35.240 --> 00:18:37.230
  • to attack us at every season.
  • 00:18:37.230 --> 00:18:39.150
  • So if we can learn to grow right where we are,
  • 00:18:39.150 --> 00:18:42.020
  • where God has placed us and develop past those things,
  • 00:18:42.020 --> 00:18:44.210
  • that when the test comes, you're like,
  • 00:18:44.210 --> 00:18:45.250
  • "No, my God provides all I need."
  • 00:18:45.250 --> 00:18:47.280
  • (ladies reacting)
  • 00:18:47.280 --> 00:18:48.280
  • - Amen, amen.
  • 00:18:48.280 --> 00:18:49.260
  • - He takes care of my family.
  • 00:18:49.260 --> 00:18:51.130
  • With a long life he'll satisfy me, my family,
  • 00:18:51.130 --> 00:18:53.230
  • and our children.
  • 00:18:53.230 --> 00:18:55.030
  • So just fighting back with the word,
  • 00:18:55.030 --> 00:18:56.180
  • and storing it up in your heart.
  • 00:18:56.180 --> 00:18:58.130
  • Like what ammo do yo have to fight back with.
  • 00:18:58.130 --> 00:19:00.130
  • It can't be YouTube, I'm sorry.
  • 00:19:00.130 --> 00:19:02.020
  • (ladies laughing)
  • 00:19:02.020 --> 00:19:03.160
  • Nope, like you've gotta open up that Word which is--
  • 00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:05.210
  • - At some point you have to read that Word.
  • 00:19:05.210 --> 00:19:08.070
  • (Dianna laughing)
  • 00:19:08.070 --> 00:19:10.020
  • - You gotta apply it.
  • 00:19:10.020 --> 00:19:11.180
  • You can't just, you can't, I feel like so many of us
  • 00:19:11.180 --> 00:19:13.220
  • our swords are just kind of in our car that we pick up
  • 00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:16.000
  • on our way to church and we're expecting
  • 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:18.010
  • to be powerful off of some memes on social media.
  • 00:19:18.010 --> 00:19:21.120
  • - Needless to say the whole social media has kind of
  • 00:19:21.120 --> 00:19:24.130
  • amped up another hundred percent when it
  • 00:19:25.260 --> 00:19:28.200
  • comes to our relational bonds.
  • 00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:32.000
  • So we're given an illusion and not really a healthy picture
  • 00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.100
  • of what your life looks like.
  • 00:19:36.100 --> 00:19:37.210
  • And so when you have a whole generation
  • 00:19:37.210 --> 00:19:39.050
  • of people craving authenticity.
  • 00:19:39.050 --> 00:19:41.280
  • We wanna be authentic.
  • 00:19:41.280 --> 00:19:43.000
  • We wanna be genuine,
  • 00:19:43.000 --> 00:19:44.140
  • but you're still addicted to the Kim Kardashian
  • 00:19:44.140 --> 00:19:47.210
  • and your world.
  • 00:19:47.210 --> 00:19:49.050
  • You're still addicted to wanting to post everything.
  • 00:19:49.050 --> 00:19:51.070
  • You're still addicted to your phone.
  • 00:19:51.070 --> 00:19:52.280
  • You're still reaching for,
  • 00:19:52.280 --> 00:19:54.130
  • it just goes to show like the health of society right now.
  • 00:19:54.130 --> 00:19:59.060
  • Where we don't know anymore what relationships look like.
  • 00:20:00.190 --> 00:20:03.200
  • And so, I think that's what we're kind of looking and seeing
  • 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:08.200
  • and taking a diagnosis of our community,
  • 00:20:09.240 --> 00:20:12.030
  • but I can see that there's a hunger right back
  • 00:20:12.030 --> 00:20:15.120
  • either in the local church, either in small groups,
  • 00:20:15.120 --> 00:20:18.020
  • either in relationships, you're hungry for real.
  • 00:20:18.020 --> 00:20:21.100
  • Will they love me when I take the mask off?
  • 00:20:21.100 --> 00:20:23.230
  • Will they love me and not leave when I come with my junk
  • 00:20:23.230 --> 00:20:27.080
  • in the trunk and everything that's associated with it.
  • 00:20:27.080 --> 00:20:30.090
  • If you dig into God's word and get rid of all of these
  • 00:20:30.090 --> 00:20:35.090
  • superfluous things that you are seeing across
  • 00:20:35.090 --> 00:20:37.150
  • either social media, the movies that we watch,
  • 00:20:37.150 --> 00:20:41.040
  • I think pretty much the illusion that we give about marriage
  • 00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:44.130
  • is pretty saccharin, it's pretty sweet.
  • 00:20:44.130 --> 00:20:46.190
  • Too much, too flowery, it's not real marriage.
  • 00:20:46.190 --> 00:20:49.220
  • - [Woman] It's not real, yeah.
  • 00:20:49.220 --> 00:20:50.290
  • - And so some of us that have real stories,
  • 00:20:50.290 --> 00:20:53.230
  • myself included, it's the bones that make a marriage,
  • 00:20:53.230 --> 00:20:58.190
  • it's the fight that makes a marriage.
  • 00:20:58.190 --> 00:21:00.220
  • It's when you're raising kids and you look like a hot mess
  • 00:21:00.220 --> 00:21:03.080
  • and you look like you've been wearing your yoga pants
  • 00:21:03.080 --> 00:21:05.010
  • for a whole week, you haven't taken a shower,
  • 00:21:05.010 --> 00:21:06.290
  • because that's marriage.
  • 00:21:06.290 --> 00:21:09.060
  • It's the hard stuff,
  • 00:21:09.060 --> 00:21:10.220
  • so the real you comes out in those hard situations.
  • 00:21:10.220 --> 00:21:14.290
  • You're not the fluffy saccharin, what you see in "Notebook."
  • 00:21:16.110 --> 00:21:18.270
  • That is not the picture of marriage.
  • 00:21:18.270 --> 00:21:20.240
  • - I love the book that says,
  • 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:22.090
  • "Marriage isn't to make you happy, it's to make you holy."
  • 00:21:22.090 --> 00:21:26.210
  • - [Bianca] I wanted to throw that book!
  • 00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:27.210
  • (ladies reacting)
  • 00:21:27.210 --> 00:21:28.260
  • I said, "This is dumb, who wrote this?"
  • 00:21:28.260 --> 00:21:30.140
  • - Burn it, burn it.
  • 00:21:30.140 --> 00:21:31.210
  • - [Bianca] They didn't get fired.
  • 00:21:31.210 --> 00:21:32.250
  • (ladies laughing)
  • 00:21:32.250 --> 00:21:34.000
  • - Well I think marriage to make you holy,
  • 00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:37.000
  • boy it works on every part of us.
  • 00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:40.010
  • It works on our selfishness.
  • 00:21:40.010 --> 00:21:43.010
  • It works on our attitudes.
  • 00:21:43.010 --> 00:21:45.200
  • It works on all kinds of things about me, me, me, me, me
  • 00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:49.200
  • and all of a sudden, it's you, you, you, you, you,
  • 00:21:49.200 --> 00:21:52.250
  • because we're focusing now on somebody else.
  • 00:21:52.250 --> 00:21:55.210
  • And ourselves, but we have the priority,
  • 00:21:55.210 --> 00:21:58.040
  • and that is our marriage.
  • 00:21:58.040 --> 00:21:59.160
  • - Ten years knowing him, eight years married,
  • 00:21:59.160 --> 00:22:02.270
  • I could say it is sanctification in it's highest form.
  • 00:22:02.270 --> 00:22:06.100
  • It is death to self for the sacrifice of someone else
  • 00:22:06.100 --> 00:22:09.140
  • and we get to empathize a little bit with Jesus's
  • 00:22:09.140 --> 00:22:12.080
  • sacrifice which is why this covenant
  • 00:22:12.080 --> 00:22:13.270
  • is in the picture of marriage.
  • 00:22:13.270 --> 00:22:15.110
  • Jesus is God's covenant towards us.
  • 00:22:15.110 --> 00:22:17.100
  • It is the picture of marriage, so yes,
  • 00:22:17.100 --> 00:22:20.150
  • I think I'm holy enough.
  • 00:22:20.150 --> 00:22:22.030
  • (ladies laughing) - I'm not.
  • 00:22:22.030 --> 00:22:23.090
  • - Oh yeah, you're already there.
  • 00:22:23.090 --> 00:22:25.200
  • - In the act of marriage,
  • 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.090
  • you have to die to yourself if you love that other person,
  • 00:22:27.090 --> 00:22:30.130
  • 'cause there's gonna be certain things.
  • 00:22:30.130 --> 00:22:31.260
  • Maybe you want Chinese food and they want Italian.
  • 00:22:31.260 --> 00:22:34.040
  • Maybe, I don't know, hypothetically,
  • 00:22:34.040 --> 00:22:35.260
  • you're husband wants you to fold laundry immediately,
  • 00:22:35.260 --> 00:22:38.190
  • and you don't feel like that's your spiritual gift.
  • 00:22:38.190 --> 00:22:40.240
  • You know what you're gonna have these moments,
  • 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:42.110
  • where you don't want to do what the other person who
  • 00:22:42.110 --> 00:22:45.290
  • you love and they love you wants you to do.
  • 00:22:45.290 --> 00:22:48.140
  • But out of love, you say yes.
  • 00:22:48.140 --> 00:22:51.140
  • This is what I refer to as sanctification as the highest
  • 00:22:51.140 --> 00:22:55.020
  • form of all marriage.
  • 00:22:55.020 --> 00:22:56.090
  • It's the highest form of sanctification.
  • 00:22:56.090 --> 00:22:58.050
  • We get to love somebody even when we don't want to.
  • 00:22:58.050 --> 00:23:02.000
  • Perspective, so we've had a lot of great dialogue,
  • 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:04.070
  • our friends, my friends, I have a lot of single friends.
  • 00:23:04.070 --> 00:23:06.160
  • They're like, I'm not married.
  • 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:09.090
  • I'd like to prepare my heart if that's what God has for me.
  • 00:23:09.090 --> 00:23:12.120
  • Or how do I even operate with barriers
  • 00:23:12.120 --> 00:23:14.180
  • and intimacies within friendships?
  • 00:23:14.180 --> 00:23:16.290
  • So what's your perspective?
  • 00:23:16.290 --> 00:23:18.140
  • Are you around single friends?
  • 00:23:18.140 --> 00:23:20.000
  • What wisdom and insight can we glean
  • 00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:22.090
  • and pass on to our single sisters?
  • 00:23:22.090 --> 00:23:24.150
  • - I always encourage my single sisters to guard your heart
  • 00:23:24.150 --> 00:23:26.240
  • against certain men.
  • 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:28.080
  • Now the thing is this especially in the church,
  • 00:23:28.080 --> 00:23:30.170
  • like he's your best friend,
  • 00:23:30.170 --> 00:23:32.130
  • but it's an issue if he starts dating somebody else.
  • 00:23:32.130 --> 00:23:34.130
  • (ladies reacting)
  • 00:23:34.130 --> 00:23:37.230
  • You have created a whole life with Johnny
  • 00:23:37.230 --> 00:23:39.260
  • and you have your kids names picked out.
  • 00:23:39.260 --> 00:23:41.240
  • But he is looking at somebody else.
  • 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:43.280
  • So I always encourage my single sisters to guard
  • 00:23:43.280 --> 00:23:45.190
  • your heart against emotional
  • 00:23:45.190 --> 00:23:50.190
  • intimacy with these men.
  • 00:23:51.110 --> 00:23:53.040
  • - Who is at that guy's side?
  • 00:23:53.040 --> 00:23:55.220
  • Is it a girl?
  • 00:23:55.220 --> 00:23:56.170
  • Is it a guy?
  • 00:23:56.170 --> 00:23:57.250
  • Most healthy relational bonds happen between men
  • 00:23:57.250 --> 00:24:01.070
  • and it's easy, they're free flowing.
  • 00:24:01.070 --> 00:24:03.190
  • Things roll off their shoulders,
  • 00:24:03.190 --> 00:24:05.050
  • but with a girl, all of a sudden this emotional bond
  • 00:24:05.050 --> 00:24:07.150
  • happens and so we begin to open our hearts.
  • 00:24:07.150 --> 00:24:12.070
  • They open their heart,
  • 00:24:12.070 --> 00:24:13.230
  • and then all of a sudden this unhealthy connection happens.
  • 00:24:13.230 --> 00:24:16.040
  • We begin to fantasize as girl.
  • 00:24:16.040 --> 00:24:18.050
  • It's like could he be the one and then all of a sudden
  • 00:24:18.050 --> 00:24:20.150
  • he's like dating some other girl and then we have the
  • 00:24:20.150 --> 00:24:22.230
  • hateraide going on right now in our heart.
  • 00:24:22.230 --> 00:24:25.090
  • - So just really I encourage my single sisters
  • 00:24:25.090 --> 00:24:27.220
  • develop your friendships with your girlfriends,
  • 00:24:27.220 --> 00:24:30.250
  • hang out in big groups with guys,
  • 00:24:30.250 --> 00:24:32.170
  • if guys are gonna be coming along too,
  • 00:24:32.170 --> 00:24:34.010
  • but I personally think it's very difficult to have
  • 00:24:34.010 --> 00:24:37.290
  • a lot of friendships with the opposite sex.
  • 00:24:37.290 --> 00:24:39.260
  • Because I feel like it just confuses things.
  • 00:24:39.260 --> 00:24:42.110
  • - Things get very confusing. - It does.
  • 00:24:42.110 --> 00:24:43.290
  • - And not every person that's attracted to them,
  • 00:24:43.290 --> 00:24:47.040
  • is a good catch if I could put it that way.
  • 00:24:47.040 --> 00:24:49.100
  • Just because like you look good and they look good,
  • 00:24:49.100 --> 00:24:52.150
  • and there's chemistry that they're good for you.
  • 00:24:52.150 --> 00:24:54.060
  • - He's put on these goggles and they're like,
  • 00:24:54.060 --> 00:24:55.200
  • "Oh, but he's so cute,"
  • 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:57.140
  • and "Oh my gosh, he's so hot."
  • 00:24:57.140 --> 00:24:59.260
  • He may be hot, but so is hell.
  • 00:24:59.260 --> 00:25:02.030
  • If he doesn't love Jesus. - Emphasis on the H.
  • 00:25:02.030 --> 00:25:05.070
  • - Yes, if he doesn't love Jesus,
  • 00:25:05.070 --> 00:25:07.000
  • he'll never love you in the way that you need to be loved.
  • 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:10.010
  • And we are compromising and throwing moral scruples of those
  • 00:25:10.010 --> 00:25:12.120
  • out the window, because a brother's hot,
  • 00:25:12.120 --> 00:25:14.180
  • or a brother paid attention to you.
  • 00:25:14.180 --> 00:25:15.240
  • - We're trying to get it right.
  • 00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:16.270
  • - Yep, missionary dating, no.
  • 00:25:16.270 --> 00:25:18.190
  • Learn to convert doesn't work.
  • 00:25:18.190 --> 00:25:20.120
  • - Learn to convert, that's new I like it.
  • 00:25:20.120 --> 00:25:21.090
  • - It doesn't work.
  • 00:25:22.140 --> 00:25:23.220
  • Our standard needs to be do they love Jesus?
  • 00:25:23.220 --> 00:25:26.030
  • Do they have a job?
  • 00:25:26.030 --> 00:25:27.190
  • Because if they don't have either of those,
  • 00:25:27.190 --> 00:25:29.240
  • it's a recipe for disaster.
  • 00:25:30.230 --> 00:25:31.210
  • - And do they love their mama?
  • 00:25:31.210 --> 00:25:33.040
  • - How they love their mama is how they end up.
  • 00:25:33.040 --> 00:25:34.190
  • - 'Cause those who don't have good relationships
  • 00:25:34.190 --> 00:25:36.010
  • with their mothers honestly have a hard time
  • 00:25:36.010 --> 00:25:38.270
  • having a relationship with you.
  • 00:25:38.270 --> 00:25:41.030
  • - It is only Jesus that can change your heart.
  • 00:25:41.030 --> 00:25:43.000
  • So if you have trust issues, lay those at his feet.
  • 00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.180
  • If you're struggling with different things,
  • 00:25:45.180 --> 00:25:46.290
  • don't try to grab on to things
  • 00:25:46.290 --> 00:25:48.250
  • to fill the void in your heart,
  • 00:25:48.250 --> 00:25:51.050
  • because it's empty and you'll never be satisfied.
  • 00:25:51.050 --> 00:25:53.230
  • So Father in the name of Jesus,
  • 00:25:53.230 --> 00:25:55.060
  • I just pray and I cover anybody that might be just broken
  • 00:25:55.060 --> 00:25:58.110
  • right now Lord,
  • 00:25:58.110 --> 00:25:59.250
  • I pray that you're healing them by your stripes.
  • 00:25:59.250 --> 00:26:01.100
  • I declare that no weapon formed against 'em shall prosper.
  • 00:26:01.100 --> 00:26:03.100
  • I pray Lord that they release their past to you.
  • 00:26:03.100 --> 00:26:06.010
  • That they let go of it.
  • 00:26:06.010 --> 00:26:07.110
  • I pray Lord that they're learning to trust again.
  • 00:26:07.110 --> 00:26:09.130
  • I pray for discernment.
  • 00:26:09.130 --> 00:26:10.180
  • I pray for direction in their life.
  • 00:26:10.180 --> 00:26:12.060
  • And I pray Lord for restoration.
  • 00:26:12.060 --> 00:26:14.020
  • I pray that you're restoring things over their life
  • 00:26:14.020 --> 00:26:16.030
  • that have been taken away from them Lord.
  • 00:26:16.030 --> 00:26:18.110
  • You are with them and the plans that you have
  • 00:26:18.110 --> 00:26:20.010
  • for them are good.
  • 00:26:20.010 --> 00:26:20.290
  • In Jesus's name we pray, Amen.
  • 00:26:20.290 --> 00:26:22.280
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:26:22.280 --> 00:26:25.020
  • to talk a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:25.020 --> 00:26:26.270
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:26:26.270 --> 00:26:30.120
  • We love you and most importantly God loves you.
  • 00:26:30.120 --> 00:26:32.220
  • - You can stream "Better Together" episodes
  • 00:26:34.090 --> 00:26:35.240
  • on the go.
  • 00:26:35.240 --> 00:26:37.000
  • - [Laurie] Download the TBN app to watch all
  • 00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.250
  • of our latest conversations.
  • 00:26:38.250 --> 00:26:40.140
  • Here's what's coming up next on "Better Together",
  • 00:26:41.270 --> 00:26:44.230
  • - And just because someone doesn't
  • 00:26:44.230 --> 00:26:45.210
  • understand your boundaries,
  • 00:26:45.210 --> 00:26:46.280
  • doesn't mean that you're boundaries are wrong.
  • 00:26:46.280 --> 00:26:48.180
  • If God is placing a conviction in your heart,
  • 00:26:48.180 --> 00:26:51.060
  • whether it's in family,
  • 00:26:51.060 --> 00:26:53.000
  • marriage, relationships, friendship,
  • 00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:55.060
  • trust that it's the spirit of God speaking to you
  • 00:26:55.060 --> 00:26:57.210
  • and that that boundary is a God given boundary.
  • 00:26:57.210 --> 00:27:01.020
  • - [Bianca] Watch "Better Together" right here on TBN.
  • 00:27:01.020 --> 00:27:03.210