Family in Crisis | Better Together | TBN

Family in Crisis | Better Together

Watch Family in Crisis | Better Together
August 14, 2019
27:55

How can we stand strong for our family during unexpected crises? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Family in Crisis | Better Together

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  • - When crisis hits home, where do you turn?
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  • Today we're gonna talk about how to fight for your family.
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  • (cheerful music)
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  • - We have had, thankfully, not major crisis,
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  • but we've had some relational crises in our family
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  • and it's interesting, we find that those crises
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  • are actually a catalyst for growth in our family.
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  • We had this one big family blow-up
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  • and my daughter-in-law Juliana said,
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  • "That is my favorite night ever."
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  • I think it's the worst, I'm like, I have hot flashes
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  • thinking back about it, but Julia's like,
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  • "I loved that night."
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  • Everybody just was there and they were authentic
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  • and things that weren't being dealt with,
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  • weren't coming to the surface, they came to the surface
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  • and crisis does that, it pushes things to the forefront.
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  • We can either make excuses, we can blame,
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  • or we can deal with it.
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  • - Learn from it, yeah.
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  • - All crises do that, really.
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  • I just remember my second eldest brother, Ronald,
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  • went into the hospital, we didn't know,
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  • but he had a major heart attack.
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  • - Oh, wow.
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  • - And he had to, they took him into surgery right away
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  • and the doctor came back and told all of my family,
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  • "Ronald's not gonna make it, he's not gonna make it.
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  • "We're gonna wake him up and you guys can just say goodbye."
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  • - Wow.
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  • - And my father was like,
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  • "Can you give us a few minutes?"
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  • You know, and we begin to fight for him,
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  • and the way we fought for him was
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  • we started repenting to one another.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - It was actually my sister-in-law, Sybil, who said,
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  • "You know, what, guys, I feel like the Lord wants us
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  • "to repent so that we can all be unified.
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  • "Any type of offense, we have no room for offense,
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  • "we have no room for attitudes, we need God to move."
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  • So as a family, we have to come together.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - So in that waiting room we began to repent to one another.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - Then we called the doctor and we said,
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  • "Can we pray for you?"
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  • And we laid hands on him and we prayed for him.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - He went back in there and the next news we got
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  • was Ronald's on his way to recovery.
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  • - Wow, really?
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  • - Yes, yes.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - And it was something that I will never forget.
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  • And you don't want to be faced with those type of crises
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  • before you come together as a family
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  • but we have to fight for the family together.
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  • Unity demands a blessing, you know?
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  • And so coming together with that type of crisis
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  • is how we made it through that.
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  • - I believe it's in Chinese, the lettering
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  • that represents crisis is the combination
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  • of two words: risk and opportunity,
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  • and I think that crisis can be an opportunity
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  • for all of us to risk, to be authentic,
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  • to repent, to say, could it be?
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  • This is an opportunity for us to deal with certain things,
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  • and so whenever there's a crisis in a family
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  • we can choose to have it just be something
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  • that continues to perpetuate or we can deal with
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  • what was under the surface and risk that,
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  • hey, look, let's be authentic.
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  • Let's deal with this kind of thing
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  • and let's decide what our opportunity is here.
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  • You know, I grew up in a very dysfunctional home
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  • and so I was always scared of crisis.
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  • Crisis meant people were going to be disenfranchised.
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  • It meant people were going to be divided.
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  • It meant there would be divorce,
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  • it meant there would be anger,
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  • it meant there would be unhealthy responses,
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  • and so when I got married and we were trying to build
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  • a healthy family, I found myself afraid.
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  • Afraid of crisis, afraid of if I can just navigate,
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  • make sure nothing ever goes bad,
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  • then I can be in control of everything
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  • and there'll never be a problem, but guess what?
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  • That's impossible, that's utterly and completely impossible,
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  • and what I have grown to learn after 37 years of marriage
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  • is that crisis actually can be a unifying factor.
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  • A crisis actually brings to the forefront some stuff
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  • that maybe you wouldn't talk about in other situations.
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  • When my mom died, my brother and I
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  • had some beautiful conversations
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  • that I don't think we would have ever had together
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  • except for in the advent of her death,
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  • and we were like, we need to talk about these things
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  • because we want to move forward building a relationship
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  • and crisis in finances or crisis in relationships
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  • and marriages, a lot of times that's where people find out
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  • where have I been doing this wrong?
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  • Where do I want to start building and going forward?
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  • Now, a lot of times it's better
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  • to build before you have a crisis,
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  • but a crisis will show the weak areas of your life
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  • and you have this opportunity to make strong
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  • the weak areas when you hit a crisis.
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  • Our family finds crisis to be
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  • one of the most unifying things
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  • because we don't allow a crisis to cause us to disband,
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  • we allow the crisis to push us back together.
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  • - I will say, it's challenging.
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  • I was raised a pastor's daughter, and a godly family,
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  • but a godly family isn't a perfect family, you know?
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  • We can all agree on that.
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  • - Amen.
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  • - And so for me, as I look back over my life,
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  • I had three unexpected crises that hit my family and my life
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  • and they could have crippled me, or they could launch me,
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  • but the first one, it was the unexpected crisis of divorce.
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  • My family, all I ever knew was just this godly,
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  • I never saw my parents fight.
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  • So out of nowhere, my mom sits me down and says,
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  • "Dad, he's been traveling the world
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  • telling people about Jesus."
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  • Nothing better, and then she sits me down and says,
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  • "He's not coming home."
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  • So in order to see dad, I had to leave my mom
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  • and go see dad, in order to see mom, I had to leave my dad,
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  • so it started to create the way I saw,
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  • I guess, myself, the way I saw family.
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  • - Well, you question everything after that.
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  • - Yeah, it was like the rug just taken right out.
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  • - How old were you, Taylor?
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  • - I was seven.
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  • - [Lisa] Wow.
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  • - And you know, you're preaching Jesus,
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  • you're attending all these services,
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  • and all of a sudden this hit, and I knew divorce was bad,
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  • but I didn't know how bad it really was
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  • until I had to walk that thing out, you know?
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  • And then from there, so my dad eventually remarries,
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  • I mean, he's young, my mother is my rock,
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  • and I'm like, my dad remarried
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  • so my loyalty is to my mother, you know?
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  • From there, she filed bankruptcy
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  • and that's where her journey of addiction started,
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  • and so, once again, another hit,
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  • where this is my rock, this is the one thing
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  • I'm holding onto and now all of a sudden
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  • she's alive but she's not living.
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  • More identity, I feel, was stolen from me
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  • and just voids in my heart and my soul,
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  • and so I eventually get into a relationship
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  • and I end up a teen pregnant out of wedlock.
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  • So this three year relationship,
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  • so all of these things, I think you need to be
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  • very careful not to allow bitterness to creep in,
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  • and then also the confusion of my identity.
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  • I was searching for anything, so I was in church,
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  • which was so crazy, I love Jesus with all of my heart,
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  • and yet, I was still so empty.
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  • For me, just practical tools that I learned from that,
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  • though, was the importance of, as we talked about earlier,
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  • was community, for me, because I couldn't see my future.
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  • There was no hope for my future,
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  • but other people saw it for me,
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  • and so other people fought for me, fought on my behalf.
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  • They spoke into my life words of truth
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  • whenever all I could hear were lies.
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  • Obviously, through prayer, prayer was an anchor.
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  • It paved the way, I think, to my future.
  • 00:08:00.220 --> 00:08:04.130
  • Surrendering it all over, and over, and over, and over again
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  • 'cause I continued to want to go back, actually,
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  • 'cause going back was comfortable, it's all I knew,
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  • but leaving everything behind and moving forward,
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  • it was a faith journey, but I had to renew my mind daily.
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  • - Daily.
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  • - And then, once again, as we talked about,
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  • counseling changed my life.
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  • It, for so many years, has been such a huge no-no.
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  • Like, don't do that, Jesus is your counselor.
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  • Well, he is your counselor, he's a wonderful counselor
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  • but he speaks and he uses people.
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  • - He uses people.
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  • - [Lisa] Absolutely.
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  • - That's community, that's our gift,
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  • and so walking through a 10-year journey of counseling
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  • has literally changed my life,
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  • and it's weird because I don't even know how to express it
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  • except the truth sets you free,
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  • and it's like so many things were hidden in my heart
  • 00:08:53.070 --> 00:08:55.230
  • and in my soul that I didn't even know were there
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  • and I was operating out of it,
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  • and then it's like an outside voice that comes in
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  • and speaks into those dark places, and then light.
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  • God is light, He is truth, and all of a sudden
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  • I wake up one day and I'm like, I'm free.
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  • Obviously you can grow bitter,
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  • or you can take these tools and learn from the journey.
  • 00:09:13.290 --> 00:09:18.040
  • - You know what, I love what you said, though,
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  • is that you got your place into a place of community.
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  • - It's huge.
  • 00:09:22.220 --> 00:09:24.060
  • - So that was a choice, that I want to go find people
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  • that could see the destiny inside of me
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  • when I couldn't see it myself.
  • 00:09:29.180 --> 00:09:31.040
  • - So true.
  • 00:09:31.040 --> 00:09:32.190
  • - I think it's a huge thing because I think the devil
  • 00:09:32.190 --> 00:09:33.260
  • would love for you to recoil and paralyze you
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  • and you get stuck by yourself and you put up the walls.
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  • - And we need one another, what a blessing.
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  • You've just blessed my heart.
  • 00:09:45.090 --> 00:09:47.220
  • - I really respect Taylor for sharing her story.
  • 00:09:47.220 --> 00:09:50.240
  • You know, I think it's easy to watch somebody
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  • share the darkest parts of their life,
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  • but then to get out in front of people share it,
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  • I respect it and I love her and I love
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  • that you would never know that.
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  • I think about that story in the Bible
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  • when it says that they went through the fire
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  • and they didn't smell like smoke,
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  • and I think that's the power of God in our lives,
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  • is we can go through things and people would say,
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  • "What, that happened to you?
  • 00:10:10.290 --> 00:10:12.170
  • "I cannot believe that that happened to you."
  • 00:10:12.170 --> 00:10:14.200
  • And it's not that we're hiding it
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  • or we're smoke-screening it or we're trying to deceive,
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  • but the residue of what the enemy tried to do in our lives
  • 00:10:19.190 --> 00:10:22.090
  • it's not the essence of who we are,
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  • it's not the presence which we carry,
  • 00:10:24.160 --> 00:10:26.130
  • and so when she said, you know,
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  • "Community helped me, that's what got me free."
  • 00:10:28.030 --> 00:10:30.280
  • One of my girlfriends said,
  • 00:10:30.280 --> 00:10:32.030
  • "Community brings clarity."
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  • And I love that truth because the Bible says
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  • there is wisdom is a multitude of counsel,
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  • and I had to agree with Taylor, I was like,
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  • you know girl, I get it.
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  • Any time I'm in trouble, I've found that one of my greatest
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  • keys in the world is being with other people.
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  • Not hiding, not running, not disappearing, not isolating,
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  • but coming into the light and saying,
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  • "What about you, you too?
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  • "Are you normal, 'cause this is what I'm going through."
  • 00:10:57.290 --> 00:10:59.200
  • And then praying, like letting somebody actually pray
  • 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:02.170
  • with me or believe for me has been critical in my own life.
  • 00:11:02.170 --> 00:11:05.110
  • It's not easy, 'cause the one thing,
  • 00:11:05.110 --> 00:11:07.080
  • when you experience pain, you wanna hide.
  • 00:11:07.080 --> 00:11:09.040
  • It's not fun to come out in the open,
  • 00:11:09.040 --> 00:11:10.250
  • but if you'll come out in the open,
  • 00:11:10.250 --> 00:11:12.010
  • I think God goes quickly and he clarifies it
  • 00:11:12.010 --> 00:11:15.030
  • and cleans it up and helps us,
  • 00:11:15.030 --> 00:11:16.160
  • but I love Taylor and I just respect her story
  • 00:11:16.160 --> 00:11:20.140
  • and I can see the evidence of God working in her life,
  • 00:11:20.140 --> 00:11:23.280
  • which tells me that she did what she said she did.
  • 00:11:23.280 --> 00:11:27.010
  • - And I was thinking as you were talking,
  • 00:11:27.010 --> 00:11:28.220
  • not everybody has access to a counselor.
  • 00:11:28.220 --> 00:11:31.150
  • It might be a single mom, she might not have the money
  • 00:11:31.150 --> 00:11:34.120
  • for a counselor, but here's what God said to me, he said
  • 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:37.290
  • find a woman who is where you wanna go.
  • 00:11:37.290 --> 00:11:41.180
  • - Wow, that's good.
  • 00:11:41.180 --> 00:11:42.250
  • - And draw on her wisdom and reach out to her
  • 00:11:42.250 --> 00:11:45.220
  • because I remember getting counsel from somebody,
  • 00:11:45.220 --> 00:11:49.030
  • we all have people that sympathize with us, that go,
  • 00:11:49.030 --> 00:11:51.230
  • yeah, all men all horrible and our kids are crazy
  • 00:11:51.230 --> 00:11:55.090
  • and you have those people, you call them on the phone
  • 00:11:55.090 --> 00:11:57.100
  • but they're not gonna take you out of your place
  • 00:11:57.100 --> 00:11:59.140
  • and I remember, I was talking to somebody on the phone
  • 00:11:59.140 --> 00:12:01.270
  • and it was like, they were talking in my ear
  • 00:12:01.270 --> 00:12:04.090
  • and it was like the Holy Spirit whispered in my other ear
  • 00:12:04.090 --> 00:12:06.090
  • and he said do not take their advice unless
  • 00:12:06.090 --> 00:12:08.280
  • you want to land where they are,
  • 00:12:08.280 --> 00:12:11.070
  • and I just realized I was going to the wrong people.
  • 00:12:11.070 --> 00:12:15.150
  • - That's so true.
  • 00:12:15.150 --> 00:12:16.220
  • - Trying to get the right counsel,
  • 00:12:16.220 --> 00:12:18.050
  • so even if somebody doesn't have this ability
  • 00:12:18.050 --> 00:12:20.160
  • to go to a counselor which is,
  • 00:12:20.160 --> 00:12:22.030
  • I'd love everybody to have that,
  • 00:12:22.030 --> 00:12:23.280
  • they can go to an older woman in the Church
  • 00:12:23.280 --> 00:12:26.020
  • because there's a lot of older women in the Church
  • 00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:27.270
  • that are deep wells of wisdom,
  • 00:12:27.270 --> 00:12:29.150
  • and they think nobody needs what's on them and we need it.
  • 00:12:29.150 --> 00:12:33.050
  • - And we need them, I mean, the Bible said
  • 00:12:33.050 --> 00:12:34.130
  • older women teach the younger women.
  • 00:12:34.130 --> 00:12:35.280
  • - That's right.
  • 00:12:35.280 --> 00:12:37.050
  • - And that's the beauty of what you're saying
  • 00:12:37.050 --> 00:12:38.240
  • how you love Jesus and a lot of times we feel like
  • 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:43.210
  • because we love Jesus, that's enough, you know?
  • 00:12:43.210 --> 00:12:46.150
  • - Right.
  • 00:12:46.150 --> 00:12:48.020
  • - And it is enough but loving Jesus means you love His word
  • 00:12:48.020 --> 00:12:52.110
  • and you love the way He teaches us how to love Him,
  • 00:12:52.110 --> 00:12:56.020
  • and His word is very clear that we need one another.
  • 00:12:57.170 --> 00:13:00.260
  • - You love this family.
  • 00:13:01.250 --> 00:13:03.090
  • - Going back to the show, yeah, Better Together.
  • 00:13:03.090 --> 00:13:05.040
  • We were never called to walk this alone
  • 00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:07.220
  • and in the time we're living in,
  • 00:13:07.220 --> 00:13:10.070
  • 'cause you can watch TV from home,
  • 00:13:10.070 --> 00:13:13.080
  • you can watch your favorite preacher,
  • 00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:15.240
  • but you need to be in those seats.
  • 00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:17.190
  • You need to have community, you need to have family.
  • 00:13:17.190 --> 00:13:21.040
  • The older women, yes, oh my god,
  • 00:13:21.040 --> 00:13:23.150
  • I hung out with my grandmother.
  • 00:13:23.150 --> 00:13:24.290
  • That was my favorite friends, you know?
  • 00:13:24.290 --> 00:13:27.000
  • Because that's where wisdom comes from.
  • 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:29.080
  • - [Laurie] That's right.
  • 00:13:29.080 --> 00:13:30.130
  • - [Lisa] Wisdom, yes.
  • 00:13:30.130 --> 00:13:31.260
  • - And love, and you need people to meet you where you are.
  • 00:13:31.260 --> 00:13:34.280
  • I can remember countless times in my life
  • 00:13:34.280 --> 00:13:37.210
  • that I was either traveling on the road
  • 00:13:37.210 --> 00:13:40.120
  • or going through some rough situations
  • 00:13:40.120 --> 00:13:43.250
  • and I would get home on Sunday morning
  • 00:13:43.250 --> 00:13:46.020
  • and hear the word of God and be around
  • 00:13:46.020 --> 00:13:48.290
  • the saints of God and my whole demeanor would shift.
  • 00:13:48.290 --> 00:13:53.110
  • My spirit would be uplifted, and so having a home church
  • 00:13:53.110 --> 00:13:57.050
  • and having community that will encourage you
  • 00:13:57.050 --> 00:14:00.220
  • and pray for you, there's no words to describe it.
  • 00:14:00.220 --> 00:14:04.090
  • It's so real, and that's why the enemy
  • 00:14:04.090 --> 00:14:06.240
  • tries to keep us isolated.
  • 00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:08.220
  • He tries to bring division because he understands
  • 00:14:08.220 --> 00:14:13.010
  • the strength that we will all get from one another.
  • 00:14:13.010 --> 00:14:16.250
  • - Friendship is important because
  • 00:14:16.250 --> 00:14:19.060
  • community is extremely important to get through,
  • 00:14:19.060 --> 00:14:21.130
  • like I said before, that there were moments in my life
  • 00:14:21.130 --> 00:14:23.180
  • where I was too weak to fight for myself but yet,
  • 00:14:23.180 --> 00:14:25.070
  • there were people that stood in the gap for me
  • 00:14:25.070 --> 00:14:27.180
  • and fought on my behalf, and so I think it's crucial
  • 00:14:27.180 --> 00:14:30.160
  • in order to walk this thing called life out.
  • 00:14:30.160 --> 00:14:34.220
  • We want you to join the conversation.
  • 00:14:34.220 --> 00:14:36.280
  • - Connect with us on social media
  • 00:14:36.280 --> 00:14:39.060
  • and let's get Better Together. - Better Together.
  • 00:14:39.060 --> 00:14:41.280
  • (calm music)
  • 00:14:41.280 --> 00:14:44.110
  • It's real, like, I love Jesus, but I was so broken.
  • 00:14:46.280 --> 00:14:50.260
  • - Still broken, right?
  • 00:14:50.260 --> 00:14:52.110
  • - And I think that's what we have to do a better job at
  • 00:14:52.110 --> 00:14:54.110
  • as the Church, is there's so many people that love Jesus
  • 00:14:54.110 --> 00:14:57.030
  • and they're faithful, they attend, but it's like,
  • 00:14:57.030 --> 00:15:00.050
  • but yet, there's brokenness from things they didn't ask for.
  • 00:15:00.050 --> 00:15:04.100
  • There were some things that I just didn't ask for.
  • 00:15:04.100 --> 00:15:06.140
  • I didn't ask for the divorce, I didn't ask for the addiction
  • 00:15:06.140 --> 00:15:09.250
  • but those things led me to making really bad decisions,
  • 00:15:09.250 --> 00:15:13.120
  • so then there are some things
  • 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:14.230
  • that I had to take responsibility for,
  • 00:15:14.230 --> 00:15:16.170
  • but I think the best thing my family ever did for me
  • 00:15:16.170 --> 00:15:19.010
  • was they loved me through my mistakes.
  • 00:15:19.010 --> 00:15:22.020
  • My dad practiced what he preached.
  • 00:15:22.020 --> 00:15:23.220
  • - That's a big deal.
  • 00:15:23.220 --> 00:15:25.040
  • - He preached grace, he preached love, so for the parent
  • 00:15:25.040 --> 00:15:26.270
  • who doesn't know what to do with their rebellious child,
  • 00:15:26.270 --> 00:15:29.230
  • I think I already knew I was bad.
  • 00:15:29.230 --> 00:15:31.210
  • - Yeah, nobody had to tell you that.
  • 00:15:31.210 --> 00:15:32.280
  • - No one had to tell me how bad I was,
  • 00:15:32.280 --> 00:15:34.200
  • no one had to tell me you failed again, again, and again.
  • 00:15:34.200 --> 00:15:37.170
  • I knew that, but the moment my dad came in
  • 00:15:37.170 --> 00:15:40.270
  • and put his arms around me and he's like,
  • 00:15:40.270 --> 00:15:42.270
  • "I love you, and you're not so far gone.
  • 00:15:42.270 --> 00:15:45.100
  • "There's grace for you with the baby.
  • 00:15:45.100 --> 00:15:47.070
  • "Micah's not the mistake, God has a plan."
  • 00:15:47.070 --> 00:15:50.070
  • Literally, it's like, I just crumbled
  • 00:15:50.070 --> 00:15:53.130
  • but I felt the love of God, I felt the love of my father
  • 00:15:53.130 --> 00:15:56.070
  • and that made me wanna change, right?
  • 00:15:56.070 --> 00:15:58.130
  • That gave me hope, versus when you come slap me
  • 00:15:58.130 --> 00:16:01.120
  • when I'm down it just makes me wanna run and hide in shame.
  • 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:05.120
  • I think the best thing a parent can do
  • 00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:06.270
  • in those seasons is love your children.
  • 00:16:06.270 --> 00:16:09.150
  • Well, I think it was crucial, it was literally vital for me
  • 00:16:09.150 --> 00:16:13.070
  • to have people to speak into my life,
  • 00:16:13.070 --> 00:16:16.160
  • speak love into my life.
  • 00:16:16.160 --> 00:16:18.190
  • I knew I was bad, I knew I had made mistakes
  • 00:16:18.190 --> 00:16:22.170
  • and I was rebellious and I lied and I snuck out
  • 00:16:22.170 --> 00:16:25.130
  • and all of those things, I knew those things
  • 00:16:25.130 --> 00:16:27.070
  • were really bad, but I didn't need anyone
  • 00:16:27.070 --> 00:16:30.010
  • to kick me while I was already down,
  • 00:16:30.010 --> 00:16:31.220
  • and I think I love that about my family.
  • 00:16:31.220 --> 00:16:34.110
  • My mom and my dad and my siblings and everyone,
  • 00:16:34.110 --> 00:16:37.130
  • they literally loved me through it, and they took my hand
  • 00:16:37.130 --> 00:16:41.190
  • and they practiced what they preach, they said,
  • 00:16:41.190 --> 00:16:43.230
  • "You know what, we believe in the grace of God
  • 00:16:43.230 --> 00:16:46.010
  • "and yes you've made a mistake
  • 00:16:46.010 --> 00:16:47.170
  • "but the baby is not the sin,
  • 00:16:47.170 --> 00:16:49.060
  • "and God is a god who can redeem the situation."
  • 00:16:49.060 --> 00:16:52.040
  • And so they loved me through it
  • 00:16:52.040 --> 00:16:53.100
  • and I think it was because of their love
  • 00:16:53.100 --> 00:16:55.180
  • that filled my heart and filled my heart with hope
  • 00:16:55.180 --> 00:16:59.180
  • to believe that it's all gonna be okay.
  • 00:16:59.180 --> 00:17:02.190
  • You know, sometimes the situation can be so overwhelming
  • 00:17:02.190 --> 00:17:06.050
  • that it just feels like everything in your world
  • 00:17:06.050 --> 00:17:08.070
  • is crumbling in and nothing's gonna be okay,
  • 00:17:08.070 --> 00:17:10.190
  • but I think just to hear the words I love you,
  • 00:17:10.190 --> 00:17:13.060
  • I'm here for you, I'm with you, it was the greatest gift
  • 00:17:13.060 --> 00:17:16.200
  • I think they could have ever given me.
  • 00:17:16.200 --> 00:17:18.200
  • I think it was vital, it was crucial,
  • 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:22.170
  • and it, honestly, was I think, one of the main reasons
  • 00:17:22.170 --> 00:17:25.040
  • that I was able to keep going is 'cause
  • 00:17:25.040 --> 00:17:26.260
  • they were right by my side every step of the way.
  • 00:17:26.260 --> 00:17:29.060
  • - Well, I was just thinking, you know,
  • 00:17:29.060 --> 00:17:30.150
  • pain has a voice and the voice of pain says,
  • 00:17:30.150 --> 00:17:32.190
  • "Do whatever you need to do to make it stop."
  • 00:17:32.190 --> 00:17:35.270
  • And I think, no matter what, we have levels of pain,
  • 00:17:35.270 --> 00:17:39.180
  • obviously, small things and big things
  • 00:17:39.180 --> 00:17:41.260
  • depending on the scales but everyone experiences pain
  • 00:17:41.260 --> 00:17:45.040
  • and then what do we do with that?
  • 00:17:45.040 --> 00:17:46.200
  • Sometimes I feel like some of the things I deal with
  • 00:17:46.200 --> 00:17:49.000
  • have to do with what my dad dealt with or my mom dealt with.
  • 00:17:49.000 --> 00:17:53.100
  • My dad dealt with a major abandonment rejection
  • 00:17:53.100 --> 00:17:55.290
  • so I feel that same thing.
  • 00:17:55.290 --> 00:17:57.080
  • Sometimes, my reaction to somebody,
  • 00:17:57.080 --> 00:17:59.090
  • I have this response of like,
  • 00:17:59.090 --> 00:18:00.260
  • why are you rejecting me or why are you abandoning me?
  • 00:18:00.260 --> 00:18:02.250
  • And I'll think, that's not really linked
  • 00:18:02.250 --> 00:18:04.080
  • to any of my past, I don't have a history
  • 00:18:04.080 --> 00:18:06.250
  • of somebody rejecting or abandoning,
  • 00:18:06.250 --> 00:18:08.030
  • and then I have to go back to what has been
  • 00:18:08.030 --> 00:18:10.050
  • the assault on my family?
  • 00:18:10.050 --> 00:18:12.060
  • - On your family.
  • 00:18:12.060 --> 00:18:13.140
  • - And what's the link, and really going back
  • 00:18:13.140 --> 00:18:15.130
  • and not taking it as personal.
  • 00:18:15.130 --> 00:18:17.040
  • It's not so personal against Havilah.
  • 00:18:17.040 --> 00:18:18.290
  • It's the enemy's had a storyline
  • 00:18:18.290 --> 00:18:20.200
  • that he has tried to bring all along.
  • 00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:22.200
  • For you, I think about how beautiful your family is
  • 00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:25.090
  • and your kids and you're the story of family.
  • 00:18:25.090 --> 00:18:28.150
  • That's what you do right now, Taylor.
  • 00:18:28.150 --> 00:18:30.110
  • In the world, people are watching your family
  • 00:18:30.110 --> 00:18:32.180
  • and the story of family and I just think about
  • 00:18:32.180 --> 00:18:35.050
  • how the enemy wanted to hurt the storyline of family
  • 00:18:35.050 --> 00:18:38.130
  • so that you would not have what you have today.
  • 00:18:38.130 --> 00:18:41.020
  • I think about that for anyone that's like,
  • 00:18:41.020 --> 00:18:42.150
  • in any of our lives it's like, sometimes,
  • 00:18:42.150 --> 00:18:44.080
  • have you ever had that response where you're like,
  • 00:18:44.080 --> 00:18:46.110
  • this is almost like an out of body response?
  • 00:18:46.110 --> 00:18:48.260
  • - Right.
  • 00:18:48.260 --> 00:18:50.030
  • - I don't really feel this strong about this,
  • 00:18:50.030 --> 00:18:51.100
  • I don't feel this kind of connection,
  • 00:18:51.100 --> 00:18:53.200
  • I think I have to go back what did the enemy--
  • 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:56.100
  • - There's a pattern.
  • 00:18:56.100 --> 00:18:57.230
  • - Hurt my mom, how did they, what was the storyline
  • 00:18:57.230 --> 00:18:59.080
  • that was following her?
  • 00:18:59.080 --> 00:19:00.240
  • What was the storyline that was following my grandma
  • 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.100
  • and begin to see it as an assault against my family.
  • 00:19:02.100 --> 00:19:05.050
  • - And see them as signals.
  • 00:19:05.050 --> 00:19:06.250
  • - [Havilah] As signals, triggers.
  • 00:19:06.250 --> 00:19:08.110
  • - Yeah, triggers, 'cause for me it's 100% divorce, right?
  • 00:19:08.110 --> 00:19:11.260
  • On both sides of my family, so for me,
  • 00:19:11.260 --> 00:19:14.080
  • my signal for mine and Robert's to protect my marriage
  • 00:19:14.080 --> 00:19:18.280
  • so when anything creeps in, argument or traveling and sex
  • 00:19:18.280 --> 00:19:22.080
  • and how do I do this and how do I balance it all,
  • 00:19:22.080 --> 00:19:24.150
  • I'm constantly aware because I see that literally 100%
  • 00:19:24.150 --> 00:19:27.270
  • on both sides of my family it settled with divorce,
  • 00:19:27.270 --> 00:19:31.040
  • so I'm like, not on my watch.
  • 00:19:31.040 --> 00:19:33.130
  • - I hate the enemy, and I hate what he stands for,
  • 00:19:34.260 --> 00:19:38.050
  • and I hate what he tries to do with people's lives,
  • 00:19:38.050 --> 00:19:41.160
  • and so inside of me when I see something coming
  • 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:46.120
  • that looks like it's going to try to destroy me
  • 00:19:46.120 --> 00:19:49.260
  • I have a tenacity on the inside of me that's like a monster
  • 00:19:49.260 --> 00:19:54.260
  • and I'll be darned if he's gonna do that,
  • 00:19:58.120 --> 00:20:02.140
  • and so I have a great shifting of if I see something,
  • 00:20:02.140 --> 00:20:07.140
  • my joy, being taken or anything being stolen from my life,
  • 00:20:08.250 --> 00:20:12.160
  • it's not gonna happen, so I gravitate towards God
  • 00:20:16.210 --> 00:20:21.210
  • and who he is and I go after it with all my heart.
  • 00:20:23.020 --> 00:20:26.250
  • - When we have awareness, we have the power to change.
  • 00:20:28.080 --> 00:20:30.270
  • - [CeCe] That's right.
  • 00:20:30.270 --> 00:20:32.040
  • - If we refuse to see it then we're like,
  • 00:20:32.040 --> 00:20:33.060
  • "I don't know what that is,
  • 00:20:33.060 --> 00:20:34.130
  • "you're just weird and I don't trust you."
  • 00:20:34.130 --> 00:20:35.260
  • But actually even acknowledging it.
  • 00:20:35.260 --> 00:20:38.140
  • I feel like that's been critical in my marriage and life.
  • 00:20:38.140 --> 00:20:40.290
  • I feel insecure right now, I don't know why I feel insecure,
  • 00:20:40.290 --> 00:20:44.100
  • you've done nothing to make me feel insecure,
  • 00:20:44.100 --> 00:20:46.140
  • but being willing to say that where we can go,
  • 00:20:46.140 --> 00:20:48.210
  • okay, that's a smokescreen, that's not really real,
  • 00:20:48.210 --> 00:20:51.170
  • but until I'm willing to admit it,
  • 00:20:51.170 --> 00:20:53.060
  • I'm scared of divorce or I'm scared of this or whatever,
  • 00:20:53.060 --> 00:20:57.080
  • it really brings out something that's in secret.
  • 00:20:57.080 --> 00:21:00.130
  • It brings it out into the open where we can,
  • 00:21:00.130 --> 00:21:02.110
  • like the Bible says, we can confess and be healed.
  • 00:21:02.110 --> 00:21:04.210
  • - [CeCe] We can be healed.
  • 00:21:04.210 --> 00:21:05.190
  • - But we have to confess.
  • 00:21:05.190 --> 00:21:06.260
  • - Gotta confess it, right, right.
  • 00:21:06.260 --> 00:21:08.040
  • - It's scary to bring it out 'cause we're afraid
  • 00:21:08.040 --> 00:21:09.140
  • it's gonna bring life to it but really
  • 00:21:09.140 --> 00:21:10.250
  • what it does is actually diminishes the power.
  • 00:21:10.250 --> 00:21:12.260
  • - Diminishes the power.
  • 00:21:12.260 --> 00:21:14.100
  • - You know, I love that crisis is unavoidable
  • 00:21:14.100 --> 00:21:18.060
  • but it's not unredeemable, and so crisis is an opportunity
  • 00:21:18.060 --> 00:21:22.040
  • for all of us to grow and it's a revelation
  • 00:21:22.040 --> 00:21:24.250
  • of actually who we are, 'cause who you are
  • 00:21:24.250 --> 00:21:27.020
  • isn't who you are in the good times,
  • 00:21:27.020 --> 00:21:28.170
  • it's actually who you are in the fire.
  • 00:21:28.170 --> 00:21:30.230
  • - You can watch Better Together episodes on demand.
  • 00:21:30.230 --> 00:21:33.150
  • - Go to BetterTogether.tv to stream
  • 00:21:33.150 --> 00:21:36.020
  • all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:21:36.020 --> 00:21:37.230
  • (calm music)
  • 00:21:39.170 --> 00:21:42.080
  • - Do you know, it's amazing, if you're about to take off
  • 00:21:42.080 --> 00:21:44.190
  • in a plane and it's raining and you go above the storm.
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  • When you're seeing it from God's perspective
  • 00:21:50.250 --> 00:21:53.000
  • then you're able to squash it, like you said,
  • 00:21:53.000 --> 00:21:55.170
  • 'cause I mean, family, marriage,
  • 00:21:55.170 --> 00:21:59.240
  • it's such a natural thing, a fleshly thing.
  • 00:21:59.240 --> 00:22:04.230
  • - Yes.
  • 00:22:05.140 --> 00:22:07.010
  • - Yet, dynamic.
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  • - And yet it's more spirit than not,
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  • you know what I'm saying?
  • 00:22:10.180 --> 00:22:12.020
  • And so we can't live lives like the soap operas.
  • 00:22:12.020 --> 00:22:16.130
  • As believers, we can't sit back and respond
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  • the way we see people respond on soap operas.
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  • - [Havilah] It's true.
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  • - We are in a spiritual warfare.
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  • We are always in a spiritual warfare and if you can see it
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  • from the place of the enemy wants to destroy my marriage.
  • 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:37.080
  • - [Havilah] Yes.
  • 00:22:37.080 --> 00:22:38.240
  • - This is not about my husband doing this, or me doing this,
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  • it is an outside attack that the enemy wants this to stop.
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  • Unfortunately, he was successful in those who went before me
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  • but like you said, I'm drawing the blood line right now.
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  • - [Havilah] So true.
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  • - It stops here, it stops here.
  • 00:22:54.120 --> 00:22:55.110
  • - [Havilah] It stops here.
  • 00:22:55.110 --> 00:22:56.190
  • - Because there's power in the blood of Jesus,
  • 00:22:56.190 --> 00:22:58.210
  • so spiritual warfare is praying the word of God
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  • with a sincere heart, confessing His word,
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  • renouncing any and everything that the enemy
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  • has labeled your family with and then you just
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  • draw that blood line and say it ends today.
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  • It ends with my generation, I'm changing it.
  • 00:23:14.270 --> 00:23:18.060
  • - And on thing I've learned is making sure that I fight
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  • not out of fear, 'cause sometimes it taunts,
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  • the voices in my head, Robert does something super innocent
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  • and in the back of my head I'm like,
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  • that could lead to divorce.
  • 00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:34.030
  • - Fear's a horrible counselor.
  • 00:23:35.040 --> 00:23:37.160
  • - That's right.
  • 00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:39.000
  • - Well, yes it is, it adds a whole nother dynamic
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  • and it's unnecessary but a lot of times,
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  • even becoming a mother, I was realizing that I was operating
  • 00:23:44.190 --> 00:23:48.110
  • out of the abandonment, which is crazy to me.
  • 00:23:48.110 --> 00:23:51.080
  • I was having a really hard time leaving the kids,
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  • I was just telling you about this.
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  • I could not leave my kids for half a second, I was paranoid,
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  • but then going through, talking to my counselor,
  • 00:23:58.150 --> 00:24:00.170
  • she's sitting there and she's saying,
  • 00:24:00.170 --> 00:24:01.220
  • "Okay, tell me what you feel."
  • 00:24:01.220 --> 00:24:02.240
  • I'm like, I'm losing my breath.
  • 00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:04.150
  • My heart's about to literally explode, and she says,
  • 00:24:04.150 --> 00:24:09.150
  • "You're operating out of abandonment."
  • 00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:12.200
  • She said, "You need to know that your kids
  • 00:24:12.200 --> 00:24:15.030
  • "will never know what abandonment feels like."
  • 00:24:15.030 --> 00:24:17.150
  • And I was like, but in that moment, she said,
  • 00:24:17.150 --> 00:24:20.200
  • "Mommy's always coming home."
  • 00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:22.110
  • And it was crazy, because I didn't realize
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  • I was actually hurting my children
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  • because I was operating out of fear and abandonment.
  • 00:24:25.260 --> 00:24:28.010
  • - It transfers to the next one.
  • 00:24:28.010 --> 00:24:28.290
  • - So then it was transferring,
  • 00:24:28.290 --> 00:24:30.040
  • I was actually trying to protect them
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  • but really I was operating out of--
  • 00:24:31.110 --> 00:24:32.200
  • - The fear.
  • 00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:33.270
  • - Yes, and so even just that truth, once again
  • 00:24:33.270 --> 00:24:36.060
  • in that little moment, that little phrase,
  • 00:24:36.060 --> 00:24:38.010
  • which was just a few weeks ago, it literally set me free.
  • 00:24:38.010 --> 00:24:41.230
  • - Hallelujah, that's good, awesome.
  • 00:24:41.230 --> 00:24:43.200
  • - [Laurie] The truth sets you free.
  • 00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:44.180
  • - The truth sets you free.
  • 00:24:44.180 --> 00:24:46.040
  • We live in a fallen world and the enemy is alive and well
  • 00:24:46.040 --> 00:24:49.150
  • and trying to destroy our families,
  • 00:24:49.150 --> 00:24:52.050
  • destroy our relationships, but I believe
  • 00:24:52.050 --> 00:24:57.010
  • that God is so much bigger and that he's able
  • 00:24:57.010 --> 00:24:59.210
  • to come into your situation, whatever that looks like,
  • 00:24:59.210 --> 00:25:02.130
  • whether that looks like divorce,
  • 00:25:02.130 --> 00:25:04.050
  • whether that looks like addiction,
  • 00:25:04.050 --> 00:25:06.000
  • a family member who's walking through addiction,
  • 00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:07.170
  • an abusive relationship, mistake after mistake,
  • 00:25:07.170 --> 00:25:10.230
  • there's nothing that's too bad that God
  • 00:25:10.230 --> 00:25:13.080
  • can't come into your situation and just simply fix,
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  • breathe his grace, breathe his mercies
  • 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.280
  • into your situation and make it new.
  • 00:25:19.280 --> 00:25:21.250
  • God is a god that makes all things new,
  • 00:25:21.250 --> 00:25:24.280
  • and so today I want to pray for you.
  • 00:25:24.280 --> 00:25:26.250
  • I want to pray for hope, I want to pray for restoration,
  • 00:25:26.250 --> 00:25:29.120
  • I want to pray for life and believe
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  • that the same God that invaded my life
  • 00:25:31.050 --> 00:25:34.100
  • is the same God that is gonna meet you right where you're at
  • 00:25:34.100 --> 00:25:37.070
  • so in the name of Jesus, I speak into your situation.
  • 00:25:37.070 --> 00:25:40.070
  • In the name of Jesus, we come before you, God,
  • 00:25:40.070 --> 00:25:42.190
  • and we thank you that you are who you say you are.
  • 00:25:42.190 --> 00:25:45.060
  • You're not a god that is un-relatable,
  • 00:25:45.060 --> 00:25:47.120
  • you're not a god that is out in the universe
  • 00:25:47.120 --> 00:25:49.020
  • that we can't relate to, but you sent your son Jesus
  • 00:25:49.020 --> 00:25:51.160
  • to come walk this earth so you can feel what we feel
  • 00:25:51.160 --> 00:25:54.200
  • so that you could help us and guide us, God,
  • 00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:57.200
  • you were relatable, so I pray, Jesus,
  • 00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.140
  • that the same god that met me in my darkest days,
  • 00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:03.110
  • that met me in the valley of the shadow of death
  • 00:26:03.110 --> 00:26:05.130
  • is the same god that is invading
  • 00:26:05.130 --> 00:26:07.080
  • the person that's watching right now.
  • 00:26:07.080 --> 00:26:10.020
  • You see them, you know them, you call them by name
  • 00:26:10.020 --> 00:26:13.160
  • and you're calling them out, God, of their situation
  • 00:26:13.160 --> 00:26:16.140
  • into the destiny that you have called them to.
  • 00:26:16.140 --> 00:26:19.010
  • You love them, your mercies are new every morning
  • 00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:23.150
  • and your strength is made perfect in our weakness
  • 00:26:23.150 --> 00:26:26.110
  • and you give us peace that passes all understanding,
  • 00:26:26.110 --> 00:26:29.030
  • and I pray, God, that the same way you sustained me, God,
  • 00:26:29.030 --> 00:26:32.220
  • the same way you called me out is the same way
  • 00:26:32.220 --> 00:26:34.290
  • that you're gonna continue to sustain them.
  • 00:26:34.290 --> 00:26:36.180
  • I pray that you will send people their way.
  • 00:26:36.180 --> 00:26:38.220
  • Send community their way that can surround them
  • 00:26:38.220 --> 00:26:41.080
  • even when they feel too weak to fight, God,
  • 00:26:41.080 --> 00:26:43.050
  • you step in and you send people to fight on our behalf.
  • 00:26:43.050 --> 00:26:46.080
  • I pray that you will reveal your love, God,
  • 00:26:46.080 --> 00:26:48.270
  • and your truth for their lives.
  • 00:26:48.270 --> 00:26:50.260
  • I believe the best is yet to come.
  • 00:26:50.260 --> 00:26:52.100
  • I believe this is only the beginning,
  • 00:26:52.100 --> 00:26:54.010
  • and I believe that the plans that you have for them,
  • 00:26:54.010 --> 00:26:57.110
  • plans to prosper, God, prosper, just the brightest future.
  • 00:26:57.110 --> 00:27:01.070
  • May they receive your love, may they receive your grace.
  • 00:27:01.070 --> 00:27:05.020
  • You know, it's available, it is available,
  • 00:27:05.020 --> 00:27:06.280
  • we just have to receive it, and so I pray
  • 00:27:06.280 --> 00:27:08.280
  • that you find the strength today just to receive it
  • 00:27:08.280 --> 00:27:11.060
  • in the name of Jesus, the best is yet to come.
  • 00:27:11.060 --> 00:27:14.100
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number
  • 00:27:14.100 --> 00:27:15.250
  • on your screen right now to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:27:15.250 --> 00:27:17.220
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
  • 00:27:17.220 --> 00:27:21.070
  • We love you, and most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:27:21.070 --> 00:27:24.030
  • We're Better Together
  • 00:27:24.030 --> 00:27:26.180
  • We're Better Together
  • 00:27:26.180 --> 00:27:28.210
  • Until the end
  • 00:27:28.210 --> 00:27:31.120
  • (applause)
  • 00:27:31.120 --> 00:27:32.070
  • Maybe?
  • 00:27:32.070 --> 00:27:33.020
  • (laughter)
  • 00:27:33.020 --> 00:27:34.160
  • - [Laurie] Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
  • 00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:36.230
  • - Like, if somebody is betraying, betraying, betraying,
  • 00:27:36.230 --> 00:27:39.230
  • you almost have to say, I love you, but this is unhealthy.
  • 00:27:39.230 --> 00:27:44.150
  • I'm not playing this role anymore in your life.
  • 00:27:44.150 --> 00:27:47.050
  • - [Laurie] Watch Better Together weekdays on TBN.
  • 00:27:47.050 --> 00:27:49.280
  • (calm music)
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