Drawing Love Lines | Better Together | TBN

Drawing Love Lines | Better Together

Watch Drawing Love Lines | Better Together
September 18, 2019
27:03

Can healthy boundaries protect us and the relationships we love most? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Drawing Love Lines | Better Together

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  • - Don't get lost in a relationship or even a marriage.
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  • It's time to draw some healthy boundaries
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  • around your heart.
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  • (soulful music)
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  • Ooooooh oooooooh ooooh
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  • Ooooooh oooooh ooooh
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  • - [Dianna] Back when I was in university,
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  • I was a very shy girl, a very quiet,
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  • very much in the background.
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  • I met a young gentleman, a wonderful pianist,
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  • a composer, first chair violist.
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  • And he was very charming, very handsome.
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  • When we were just hanging out,
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  • and all of a sudden, he expressed interest in me.
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  • That was the first time I've heard
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  • "You're beautiful. You're pretty.
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  • My gosh, you have beautiful eyes."
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  • When you hear those things for the first time,
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  • it's something inside of a girl that-
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  • - [Nicole] Awakens.
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  • - [Dianna] Yes, yes, it awakens.
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  • Something that's never been said to you,
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  • all of a sudden you're drawn to them.
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  • And as years went by, we were in a relationship
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  • for three years.
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  • Handsome young man, beautiful family, and
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  • little did I know, he led a double life.
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  • - [Heather] Devil is a lie.
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  • - [Dianna] So, I didn't know God.
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  • Came at the end of my rope.
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  • Found out that he was leading a double life.
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  • Came out of the closet.
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  • And this was, you know, my second relationship
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  • prior to my husband.
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  • And I was not saved.
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  • Came back home, my mom said, "You need to go to this church.
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  • I got saved in this church."
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  • So, I came into other relationships very much,
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  • if I could put it this way,
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  • like a nun.
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  • (women agreeing)
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  • I cut my hair off.
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  • I had beautiful long hair.
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  • I cut it off.
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  • I did want to attract negative attention on myself.
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  • So, I began to, in my own way, form fig leaves on my life.
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  • You know, boundaries, that weren't healthy,
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  • that weren't life-giving.
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  • So, through the process of healing,
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  • I believe the Lord led me out of that mentality
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  • or that framework over my life
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  • and spoke a new framework,
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  • which was His way of thinking about my life.
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  • But still a little guarded, little gun shy,
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  • when I'm trying to take risks in relationships.
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  • So, I'm kind of, like, dipping my toes
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  • in some of my relationships.
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  • So, I think when it comes to relationships,
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  • I think when it comes to boundaries,
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  • it's first getting healed first,
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  • especially for someone who
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  • is a little gun-shy in relationships.
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  • At the same time, having a healthy view of who you are
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  • through God's word, God's lens.
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  • I think most of the time when my girls come to me,
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  • I have four daughters.
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  • They were under the age of two.
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  • Now they're under the age of 20.
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  • 20, 19, and now soon to be - [Nicole] Wow!
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  • 18 year old twins.
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  • Now, they have strong identities and
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  • I see where God, if I could put it in short,
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  • made up the difference. - (women exclaiming yes, yes)
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  • Things that I didn't have, - [Lauren] Yeah.
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  • I see it in them. - (women continuing to agree)
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  • They have strong identities.
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  • They have strong femininity, as far as qualities.
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  • And so they're very direct, very exact
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  • when it comes to choosing and
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  • setting boundaries around relationships.
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  • They're the first to speak up and
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  • the first to set up a space for themselves.
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  • So, my question to you is
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  • how do you set boundaries in your relationships?
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  • - [Heather] Boundaries and love lines move as we grow.
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  • It's simple when you're first courting with somebody.
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  • You learn your relationship, your courtship.
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  • My husband and I, when we were courting,
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  • we wouldn't sleep in the same bed together.
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  • We didn't stay the night together.
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  • We didn't kiss until we got married.
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  • We had boundaries set up.
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  • And then when we got married,
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  • obviously those boundaries are gone,
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  • but we have new boundaries that come in.
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  • And that is our friendships.
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  • If you don't like me, if one of his friends don't like me,
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  • then I'm sorry, you can't be our friend,
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  • because we one flesh,
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  • so we need to make sure have no division in our family.
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  • Also with family members,
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  • if a family member is trying to bring conflict
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  • into our marriage, then we jump in
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  • and we put up that guard and say,
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  • hey we're not going to do that.
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  • So, as you grow, you're going to
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  • have your boundaries adjust and change.
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  • - [Nicole] I set boundaries for myself as a single woman.
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  • First of all, by receiving my value from the Lord.
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  • When I know who He says that I am,
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  • then I can exclude, I can push out, I can draw a line
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  • on those things that I am not.
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  • So, for me, it helps me with my time,
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  • which I'm still mastering.
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  • It helps me with my friendships.
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  • It helps me with who I am going to give my time to,
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  • who I'm going to share my heart with,
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  • when I have those proper boundaries.
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  • And, again, it starts with me knowing
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  • who He says that I am and believing those things.
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  • Then I'm able to walk accordingly.
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  • And I believe the boundaries are not just to cage us in,
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  • but to give us safety.
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  • It's to keep us whole.
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  • It's to allow us to experience life
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  • and that more abundantly.
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  • - [Bianca] I feel like boundaries are necessary
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  • and boundaries are healthy,
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  • but unhealthy boundaries become barriers to intimacy.
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  • - [Women] Yes!
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  • - So, if we're not careful,
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  • we think "I'm setting boundaries, I'm setting boundaries."
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  • It might be a barrier, because you're afraid
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  • or you don't know how to handle,
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  • in, like, a situation that might be a little bit traumatic.
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  • - [Dianna] Right.
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  • - [Bianca] So boundaries are not just within
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  • the context of marriage,
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  • but boundaries are in the context of relationships
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  • and friendships. - [Heather] Family members!
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  • Family members!
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  • Unhealthy. (women laughing)
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  • We put up boundaries when something feels unhealthy.
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  • So, in different seasons,
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  • it's going to look like different things.
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  • But boundaries in my friendships are,
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  • if my friends are requiring too much knowledge
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  • of a situation that doesn't involve them.
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  • If my friends are requiring or demanding
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  • things that I cannot give them in this season,
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  • hours and hours on end.
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  • I can't give that to you.
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  • These are boundaries in my life.
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  • My husband and I are now church planning.
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  • We have different boundaries as leaders of the church.
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  • - [Dianna] Right.
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  • - [Bianca] But I also want to be cognizant and aware
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  • that my fear or something that has been done to me,
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  • for me, or against me in the past,
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  • is going to inhibit me from allowing myself
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  • to be in close intimate
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  • proximity to someone. - [Nicole] It's a barrier
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  • not a boundary.
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  • - [Bianca] It's a barrier, not a boundary.
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  • - I think for most of us, you know,
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  • when we think of boundaries,
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  • we have to think that
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  • does it protect us or does it bring harm?
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  • If we can ask those questions,
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  • Does it protect us?
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  • Or does it bring others harm?
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  • I think in my own life, I did a lot of protecting.
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  • Normal, such a normal reaction of a person
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  • that has suffered through trauma.
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  • We don't want to get hurt.
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  • We don't want to hurt others.
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  • I don't want to contaminate people.
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  • So, I'm not going to be close to people.
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  • Sounds normal, but it's not.
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  • It just brings more harm when really God created us
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  • for intimacy.
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  • So, the healthy boundary would be,
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  • "Lord, bring the friends that I need.
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  • Bring the relationship that I need.
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  • Show me how to relate to them.
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  • Show me how to talk to them.
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  • Show me how to be patient with them."
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  • You know what, that's the fruit of the spirit.
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  • It's like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
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  • gentleness, goodness, faith, and self-control.
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  • Wouldn't it be a novel idea
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  • to actually exercise those things?
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  • Healthy boundaries.
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  • It's a beautiful thing, people, I tell you.
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  • - [Nicole] Me being a single woman now, you know,
  • 00:07:37.100 --> 00:07:39.270
  • single mom
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  • - [Bianca] And available, hey!
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  • (women laughing and talking over each other)
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  • - [Nicole] But just now being around other couples,
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  • and you and your spouses, you know,
  • 00:07:53.050 --> 00:07:55.280
  • there are boundaries and there are responsibilities,
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  • I believe, that we as single women have to carry out too
  • 00:07:58.110 --> 00:08:01.150
  • and that we have to put up.
  • 00:08:01.150 --> 00:08:03.110
  • We have to make sure, you know,
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  • that we're not being better friends with your spouses
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  • than we are with you.
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  • - [Dianna] That's good, Nicole.
  • 00:08:09.230 --> 00:08:11.010
  • - [Bianca] Right.
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  • - [Nicole] That we're not having text messages with them
  • 00:08:12.150 --> 00:08:14.080
  • that you're excluded from.
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  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:16.140
  • Or that we're not, you know, using your spouses
  • 00:08:16.140 --> 00:08:19.260
  • as surrogate fathers or uncles for our sons.
  • 00:08:19.260 --> 00:08:23.180
  • And thinking that that includes us as a second wife.
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  • You know what I'm saying. - [Bianca] Amen.
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  • I can send my boys and let your husband
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  • do what he's going to do in the context of your family,
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  • without me coming along.
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  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:08:36.210 --> 00:08:37.290
  • So, there are boundaries that we have to set too.
  • 00:08:37.290 --> 00:08:39.180
  • And also, when we are receiving praise from men
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  • that are single and married,
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  • to make sure that we view ourselves as being valuable enough
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  • not to be intoxicated by compliments,
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  • especially by the compliments of married men.
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  • Yeah, we really have to be careful,
  • 00:09:00.160 --> 00:09:02.110
  • especially as women and as a single woman,
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  • being intoxicated by compliments, you know.
  • 00:09:05.140 --> 00:09:09.060
  • I remember, especially as I was growing up,
  • 00:09:09.060 --> 00:09:11.230
  • me and my sisters were kind of considered ugly ducklings
  • 00:09:11.230 --> 00:09:14.280
  • Like we weren't ugly,
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  • we were just kind of beauty challenged.
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  • But anyway, just the whole thing.
  • 00:09:17.060 --> 00:09:18.210
  • So it created a cavity to where you're like,
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  • "Am I good enough?
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  • Am I pretty enough?"
  • 00:09:22.120 --> 00:09:23.200
  • You know, we live in a selfie generation.
  • 00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:25.080
  • So, we're always trying to be affirmed.
  • 00:09:25.080 --> 00:09:28.090
  • And the devil knows that.
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  • He knows our weaknesses.
  • 00:09:29.100 --> 00:09:30.280
  • So, if he would send somebody that would say
  • 00:09:30.280 --> 00:09:33.220
  • just the right thing in just the right way,
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  • the temptation would be,
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  • "Am I going to be intoxicated by a compliment?"
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  • I'm not just speaking for me.
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  • I'm speaking to you too.
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  • Just to say, make sure that we're not and
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  • that, again, we know who we are in Christ.
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  • Not that we don't strive to be the most beautiful
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  • that we can be for ourselves,
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  • but knowing that it's not just something on the exterior,
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  • but it's something that starts on the interior.
  • 00:09:54.270 --> 00:09:57.030
  • And I believe that when we grab ahold of
  • 00:09:57.030 --> 00:09:59.180
  • who Christ say that we are,
  • 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:00.270
  • and I know that we're grounded in Him,
  • 00:10:00.270 --> 00:10:03.030
  • then the other stuff can come and go
  • 00:10:03.030 --> 00:10:04.240
  • and we can say thank you and leave that a thank you
  • 00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:06.250
  • without following a rabbit trail that leads to disaster,
  • 00:10:06.250 --> 00:10:10.050
  • because that's not good either.
  • 00:10:10.050 --> 00:10:13.000
  • - [Heather] It's interesting you talk about
  • 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:14.030
  • a single woman's perspective,
  • 00:10:14.030 --> 00:10:15.060
  • because I had to deal with that.
  • 00:10:15.060 --> 00:10:16.260
  • We're church planters.
  • 00:10:16.260 --> 00:10:18.030
  • We planted a church about seven years ago
  • 00:10:18.030 --> 00:10:19.180
  • in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • 00:10:19.180 --> 00:10:20.260
  • And I was dealing with a woman who was single
  • 00:10:20.260 --> 00:10:23.030
  • who always had a word for my husband.
  • 00:10:23.030 --> 00:10:24.240
  • Always wanted to lay hands - [Nicole] Back it up!
  • 00:10:24.240 --> 00:10:26.210
  • On my husband.
  • 00:10:26.210 --> 00:10:27.270
  • She would always say, you don't pray.
  • 00:10:27.270 --> 00:10:30.060
  • Nobody's praying for him. (women laughing)
  • 00:10:30.060 --> 00:10:33.010
  • First of all, I lay hands on my husband every day.
  • 00:10:33.010 --> 00:10:36.160
  • He wakes up oily.
  • 00:10:36.160 --> 00:10:38.030
  • - [Nicole] Wow!
  • 00:10:38.030 --> 00:10:39.020
  • - Baby, your skin's just oily.
  • 00:10:39.020 --> 00:10:40.210
  • I got this, you know what I mean?
  • 00:10:40.210 --> 00:10:42.040
  • So, I had to lovingly correct her,
  • 00:10:42.040 --> 00:10:43.250
  • because I'm a first lady.
  • 00:10:43.250 --> 00:10:45.220
  • I'm first generation preacher.
  • 00:10:45.220 --> 00:10:47.010
  • I don't know what I'm doing.
  • 00:10:47.010 --> 00:10:48.060
  • - [Lauren] Barely saved! (women laughing)
  • 00:10:48.060 --> 00:10:49.280
  • - [Heather] Exactly!
  • 00:10:49.280 --> 00:10:51.170
  • I was confused, because I was like,
  • 00:10:52.220 --> 00:10:54.060
  • I don't need you laying hands on my husband.
  • 00:10:54.060 --> 00:10:56.170
  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:10:56.170 --> 00:10:57.260
  • So, I had to pull her aside and say,
  • 00:10:57.260 --> 00:11:00.050
  • "It seems like you always have all this word for my husband,
  • 00:11:00.050 --> 00:11:03.070
  • and you don't have a word for me.
  • 00:11:03.070 --> 00:11:04.150
  • If you got a word for my husband, come to me.
  • 00:11:04.150 --> 00:11:06.140
  • We're one flesh."
  • 00:11:06.140 --> 00:11:07.090
  • - [Dianna] Absolutely!
  • 00:11:07.090 --> 00:11:08.240
  • - [Heather] I had to lovingly correct her and pull her in.
  • 00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:10.120
  • After that, she starts getting really upset with me.
  • 00:11:10.120 --> 00:11:12.190
  • She's like, nobody's praying for him.
  • 00:11:12.190 --> 00:11:13.270
  • I was like, I pray for him every single day.
  • 00:11:13.270 --> 00:11:16.030
  • I got this covered.
  • 00:11:16.030 --> 00:11:17.010
  • Then she would get really upset.
  • 00:11:17.010 --> 00:11:18.090
  • She called me insecure.
  • 00:11:18.090 --> 00:11:19.280
  • Then she started e-mailing him.
  • 00:11:19.280 --> 00:11:21.110
  • - [Nicole] Oh no, out of order!
  • 00:11:21.110 --> 00:11:22.240
  • - And he would forward the e-mails to me.
  • 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:24.050
  • - [Nicole] Good for him.
  • 00:11:24.050 --> 00:11:25.120
  • - [Heather] And so we had to put boundaries up
  • 00:11:25.120 --> 00:11:26.260
  • and I've explained to her, like, we're one flesh!
  • 00:11:26.260 --> 00:11:29.140
  • We can't leave any open door in ministry.
  • 00:11:29.140 --> 00:11:32.210
  • Like my husband doesn't counsel other women by himself.
  • 00:11:32.210 --> 00:11:35.240
  • - [Nicole] Good boundary.
  • 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:36.220
  • - [Heather] I counsel the women.
  • 00:11:36.220 --> 00:11:37.160
  • He counsels the men.
  • 00:11:37.160 --> 00:11:39.010
  • When we do lines at church and we're laying hands,
  • 00:11:39.010 --> 00:11:41.230
  • all the women are lined up for me
  • 00:11:41.230 --> 00:11:43.000
  • and all the men line up for him.
  • 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:44.140
  • - [Dianna] That's great!
  • 00:11:44.140 --> 00:11:45.240
  • - But I'm not going to all the men
  • 00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:46.230
  • and laying hands and trying to-
  • 00:11:46.230 --> 00:11:48.150
  • - [Dianna] It's being a safeguard.
  • 00:11:48.150 --> 00:11:50.110
  • - [Heather] Yeah!
  • 00:11:50.110 --> 00:11:51.270
  • - [Dianna] It's being a safeguard for your spouse.
  • 00:11:51.270 --> 00:11:52.270
  • It's being a safeguard for you.
  • 00:11:52.270 --> 00:11:54.190
  • I think most of the time people don't understand that.
  • 00:11:54.190 --> 00:11:57.140
  • I think the social norms, they don't get that.
  • 00:11:57.140 --> 00:12:00.090
  • They have no coolth, they have no perception.
  • 00:12:00.090 --> 00:12:02.270
  • There's a lack of wisdom in that.
  • 00:12:02.270 --> 00:12:05.180
  • For my girls, four daughters, it's just teaching them
  • 00:12:05.180 --> 00:12:09.200
  • that they have the authority and almost like the boldness
  • 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:14.200
  • to say no, I'm not going to hug you.
  • 00:12:15.260 --> 00:12:17.090
  • I know you're 50 years old.
  • 00:12:17.090 --> 00:12:18.210
  • You're at the church.
  • 00:12:18.210 --> 00:12:19.190
  • You're in the church lobby.
  • 00:12:19.190 --> 00:12:21.040
  • You want to hug me because I am the pastor's daughter,
  • 00:12:21.040 --> 00:12:23.000
  • but I'm a grown pastor's daughter right now.
  • 00:12:23.000 --> 00:12:24.160
  • (Nicole laughing)
  • 00:12:24.160 --> 00:12:26.020
  • I do have a form and yes, ma'am, I will tell my mom
  • 00:12:26.020 --> 00:12:28.050
  • and she will cut you.
  • 00:12:28.050 --> 00:12:29.150
  • So, we got to deal with that.
  • 00:12:29.150 --> 00:12:31.120
  • It's like a propriety.
  • 00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:33.050
  • There's propriety, there's social norms,
  • 00:12:33.050 --> 00:12:35.010
  • social things that we adhere to,
  • 00:12:35.010 --> 00:12:38.020
  • but I think most of the time,
  • 00:12:38.020 --> 00:12:39.120
  • people don't understand boundaries,
  • 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:41.200
  • how that comes across, how a person perceives them.
  • 00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:45.020
  • A single woman, a young lady that's coming into her own,
  • 00:12:45.020 --> 00:12:48.040
  • a woman that's church planting,
  • 00:12:48.040 --> 00:12:50.210
  • a woman who is a public figure.
  • 00:12:50.210 --> 00:12:53.080
  • We don't understand that.
  • 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:54.190
  • And not being weird, like shake a hand.
  • 00:12:54.190 --> 00:12:56.290
  • Say thank you and that's it.
  • 00:12:56.290 --> 00:12:59.150
  • My, you look lovely.
  • 00:12:59.150 --> 00:13:00.260
  • Thank you so much for your ministry.
  • 00:13:00.260 --> 00:13:02.100
  • That's awesome.
  • 00:13:02.100 --> 00:13:03.050
  • It goes a long way.
  • 00:13:03.050 --> 00:13:04.080
  • (soulful music)
  • 00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:07.070
  • - Ladies, we are stronger when we stand together!
  • 00:13:07.070 --> 00:13:10.010
  • - [Lauren] That's right.
  • 00:13:10.010 --> 00:13:11.160
  • - That's why this is so much more than just a tv show.
  • 00:13:11.160 --> 00:13:13.020
  • Better together is a community
  • 00:13:13.020 --> 00:13:14.100
  • built on love and encouragement.
  • 00:13:14.100 --> 00:13:16.070
  • - [Bianca] If you want to link arms with women
  • 00:13:16.070 --> 00:13:17.220
  • who are passionately following Jesus,
  • 00:13:17.220 --> 00:13:19.200
  • follow us at Better Together TV.
  • 00:13:19.200 --> 00:13:21.210
  • - [Nicole] We pray for each other,
  • 00:13:21.210 --> 00:13:22.230
  • talk about the latest episodes,
  • 00:13:22.230 --> 00:13:24.080
  • and, of course, make new friends.
  • 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:26.100
  • - [Lauren] And we can't wait to see you there.
  • 00:13:26.100 --> 00:13:28.190
  • (soulful banjo music)
  • 00:13:30.130 --> 00:13:31.200
  • - [Bianca] I've had people not understand
  • 00:13:31.200 --> 00:13:33.060
  • our boundaries within marriage.
  • 00:13:33.060 --> 00:13:34.150
  • That's okay, that's not your marriage.
  • 00:13:34.150 --> 00:13:36.130
  • (Women speaking in agreement) This is our marriage.
  • 00:13:36.130 --> 00:13:37.190
  • - [Heather] We got this. We got this, right!
  • 00:13:37.190 --> 00:13:41.060
  • Yes, boundaries in family,
  • 00:13:41.060 --> 00:13:43.020
  • boundaries in friends, boundaries in marriage,
  • 00:13:43.020 --> 00:13:45.290
  • that my husband and I will have conversations on,
  • 00:13:45.290 --> 00:13:48.180
  • come to a decision on together
  • 00:13:48.180 --> 00:13:50.160
  • and we adhere to them no matter what other people say.
  • 00:13:50.160 --> 00:13:52.210
  • - [Nicole] Because bad boundaries are very dangerous.
  • 00:13:52.210 --> 00:13:54.270
  • That was honestly, back when I was married,
  • 00:13:54.270 --> 00:13:58.020
  • some of that was the case.
  • 00:13:58.020 --> 00:13:59.190
  • I had other single women, even women that were in my family.
  • 00:13:59.190 --> 00:14:03.120
  • - [Heather] Yeah.
  • 00:14:03.120 --> 00:14:04.180
  • - [Nicole] Or woman in my family,
  • 00:14:04.180 --> 00:14:05.240
  • that would come and put her hand on my like,
  • 00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:09.220
  • "you are so muscular, you must be working out."
  • 00:14:09.220 --> 00:14:12.040
  • - [Dianna] Uh uh.
  • 00:14:12.040 --> 00:14:13.130
  • - [Heather] Get out my house! (women laughing)
  • 00:14:13.130 --> 00:14:14.240
  • - [Nicole] Exactly! (women laughing and agreeing)
  • 00:14:14.240 --> 00:14:18.010
  • You know, you want to be nice.
  • 00:14:18.010 --> 00:14:19.050
  • You don't want to think badly,
  • 00:14:19.050 --> 00:14:21.160
  • so you don't put up as strong of boundaries
  • 00:14:21.160 --> 00:14:24.260
  • in certain areas,
  • 00:14:24.260 --> 00:14:26.180
  • because you don't want to be perceived a being mean.
  • 00:14:26.180 --> 00:14:29.000
  • I have struggled in the past.
  • 00:14:29.000 --> 00:14:30.100
  • I'm a little bit better at it now.
  • 00:14:30.100 --> 00:14:31.210
  • I didn't want to put up strong boundaries
  • 00:14:31.210 --> 00:14:33.160
  • in certain areas, because I didn't want to appear to be mean
  • 00:14:33.160 --> 00:14:36.030
  • or that I was not a team player
  • 00:14:36.030 --> 00:14:38.150
  • or somebody who would exclude someone else.
  • 00:14:38.150 --> 00:14:42.040
  • So you say, "Well, okay, I'll let them get away with that."
  • 00:14:42.040 --> 00:14:45.180
  • Or you just say "I'm just going to forgive them."
  • 00:14:45.180 --> 00:14:47.270
  • without requiring excellence from them.
  • 00:14:47.270 --> 00:14:50.090
  • That's not healthy either.
  • 00:14:50.090 --> 00:14:51.280
  • So, for me, it was a challenge,
  • 00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:53.240
  • because people would say things.
  • 00:14:53.240 --> 00:14:55.210
  • They would do things.
  • 00:14:55.210 --> 00:14:57.070
  • I went through an abusive relationship,
  • 00:14:57.070 --> 00:14:59.010
  • where I'd be dragged out of the bed by my heels,
  • 00:14:59.010 --> 00:15:01.120
  • and kicked in the ribs and punched in the face.
  • 00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:03.080
  • I'd be there and I wasn't going to tell anybody, you know.
  • 00:15:03.080 --> 00:15:07.170
  • I would try and require goodness,
  • 00:15:07.170 --> 00:15:10.150
  • because I would request it, but I didn't really expect it.
  • 00:15:10.150 --> 00:15:13.240
  • I didn't make steps to see it happen on my part
  • 00:15:13.240 --> 00:15:17.150
  • or to strongly urge it on the other party's part.
  • 00:15:17.150 --> 00:15:20.280
  • So, for me, that was difficult.
  • 00:15:20.280 --> 00:15:22.190
  • But as I grew, as I learned, and as I am learning,
  • 00:15:22.190 --> 00:15:26.280
  • boundaries are good.
  • 00:15:26.280 --> 00:15:29.010
  • And the Bible tells us to guard our hearts
  • 00:15:29.010 --> 00:15:31.120
  • with all manner of diligence,
  • 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:32.260
  • for out of it flow the issues of life.
  • 00:15:32.260 --> 00:15:34.250
  • So, if the Bible tells us to do that, there's a reason.
  • 00:15:34.250 --> 00:15:38.240
  • So, I have to guard my heart, not just from evil people,
  • 00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:42.050
  • but I have to guard my heart from bitterness,
  • 00:15:42.050 --> 00:15:44.060
  • from anger, from revenge.
  • 00:15:44.060 --> 00:15:46.150
  • I have to guard my heart, have to put boundaries around it,
  • 00:15:46.150 --> 00:15:48.000
  • even from those other elements,
  • 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:50.190
  • so that it's not just affected,
  • 00:15:50.190 --> 00:15:53.070
  • but it's not infected, you know, by those different things.
  • 00:15:53.070 --> 00:15:56.180
  • So boundaries are healthy, boundaries are good,
  • 00:15:56.180 --> 00:15:59.250
  • boundaries are not mean,
  • 00:15:59.250 --> 00:16:01.170
  • but boundaries are things that keep us safe
  • 00:16:01.170 --> 00:16:03.240
  • and allow us to have life and that more abundantly.
  • 00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:06.220
  • - [Heather] I totally can relate to what you're saying.
  • 00:16:06.220 --> 00:16:08.090
  • I had to do the same thing with a certain family member.
  • 00:16:08.090 --> 00:16:10.170
  • I had to say, "You know what?
  • 00:16:10.170 --> 00:16:11.200
  • I have to communication with you."
  • 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:13.210
  • Sometimes I feel believers have a hard time with that,
  • 00:16:13.210 --> 00:16:16.240
  • but there's a reason why in Genesis,
  • 00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:18.030
  • God told Abraham to get away from your family
  • 00:16:18.030 --> 00:16:19.200
  • (women agreeing) and go to a place
  • 00:16:19.200 --> 00:16:20.210
  • where I will show you.
  • 00:16:20.210 --> 00:16:22.280
  • If you read back, his father settled in a land
  • 00:16:22.280 --> 00:16:25.060
  • that he wasn't even supposed to be in.
  • 00:16:25.060 --> 00:16:27.110
  • So, for me, I had to put a boundary up
  • 00:16:27.110 --> 00:16:30.030
  • with a certain family member,
  • 00:16:30.030 --> 00:16:31.180
  • because I felt like you're corrupting my character
  • 00:16:31.180 --> 00:16:33.230
  • by being in communication with you,
  • 00:16:33.230 --> 00:16:35.010
  • by spending time with you.
  • 00:16:35.010 --> 00:16:36.150
  • I think it's hard for us, because we're praying
  • 00:16:36.150 --> 00:16:38.120
  • and believing for our unsaved loved ones,
  • 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:40.190
  • but their negative advice, their negative words,
  • 00:16:40.190 --> 00:16:43.010
  • their drama, their conflict,
  • 00:16:43.010 --> 00:16:44.240
  • can cause conflict in your life.
  • 00:16:44.240 --> 00:16:46.270
  • So, I have to guard my heart from
  • 00:16:46.270 --> 00:16:48.290
  • those different things that were not Godly,
  • 00:16:48.290 --> 00:16:50.140
  • and I make no apologies for that.
  • 00:16:50.140 --> 00:16:52.140
  • I'm like, no, I'm working on something.
  • 00:16:52.140 --> 00:16:54.040
  • - [Lauren] And your children. (women agreeing)
  • 00:16:54.040 --> 00:16:55.080
  • For years, I guarded my children
  • 00:16:55.080 --> 00:16:57.270
  • from certain family members not on my side.
  • 00:16:57.270 --> 00:17:02.010
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:17:02.010 --> 00:17:04.140
  • - [Bianca] Love that clarification.
  • 00:17:04.140 --> 00:17:05.180
  • - And I'm so thankful that I did,
  • 00:17:05.180 --> 00:17:08.150
  • because now the fruit of that is clear as a bell
  • 00:17:08.150 --> 00:17:12.180
  • of why we just are separated
  • 00:17:12.180 --> 00:17:16.130
  • and I love family, you know.
  • 00:17:16.130 --> 00:17:19.200
  • I adore, I want a big family.
  • 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:23.110
  • I have a very romanticized idea of what family is,
  • 00:17:23.110 --> 00:17:28.110
  • because I do have that on my
  • 00:17:29.080 --> 00:17:31.000
  • Orndorph and my Laithen side.
  • 00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:32.150
  • I've got beautiful family,
  • 00:17:32.150 --> 00:17:33.250
  • but there are just some times where
  • 00:17:33.250 --> 00:17:36.000
  • God just takes you and goes, "Okay, this is it."
  • 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:39.250
  • But it's for a reason and He's always faithful.
  • 00:17:39.250 --> 00:17:42.150
  • You know, I think, for me, I think it wasn't just a sit down
  • 00:17:42.150 --> 00:17:47.150
  • and talk about what you shouldn't do
  • 00:17:48.190 --> 00:17:50.210
  • or what you should do.
  • 00:17:50.210 --> 00:17:52.000
  • I think just over the years,
  • 00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:53.220
  • seeding into your children every time something comes up
  • 00:17:53.220 --> 00:17:57.190
  • and just sowing every time you can
  • 00:17:57.190 --> 00:18:01.020
  • the seeds of righteousness and direction and all that.
  • 00:18:01.020 --> 00:18:06.000
  • That's kind of how it happened in our household.
  • 00:18:08.140 --> 00:18:11.190
  • It's not like we just sat down and we said,
  • 00:18:11.190 --> 00:18:13.130
  • "Okay, here's the talk. Or here's this."
  • 00:18:13.130 --> 00:18:15.260
  • It was a daily thing in our life that
  • 00:18:15.260 --> 00:18:19.220
  • you just sowed the principles of the gospel
  • 00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:23.150
  • inside their little hearts and minds.
  • 00:18:23.150 --> 00:18:25.240
  • So, that's the way it played out in our house.
  • 00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:29.020
  • Well, even relationships I think before marriage,
  • 00:18:29.020 --> 00:18:32.200
  • I think I really messed up on a lot of those and got lost
  • 00:18:32.200 --> 00:18:37.200
  • and it's just wasted, you know.
  • 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:40.260
  • That's just wasted time.
  • 00:18:40.260 --> 00:18:42.220
  • I think we've all, if you don't want to speak bad,
  • 00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:45.190
  • I dated really nice guys and then a couple,
  • 00:18:45.190 --> 00:18:49.120
  • we don't want to be ugly, but oh my God, you know.
  • 00:18:49.120 --> 00:18:52.230
  • (women laughing)
  • 00:18:52.230 --> 00:18:54.240
  • And I look at my mom and dad and go,
  • 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:56.010
  • "Why didn't you speak up a little louder?"
  • 00:18:56.010 --> 00:18:59.090
  • You know, I think as parents,
  • 00:18:59.090 --> 00:19:00.260
  • maybe we should speak up a little louder sometimes,
  • 00:19:00.260 --> 00:19:04.030
  • and not allow,
  • 00:19:04.030 --> 00:19:05.100
  • "Yeah, you know, you're not going to do that.
  • 00:19:05.100 --> 00:19:08.180
  • You're not going to be with that person."
  • 00:19:08.180 --> 00:19:11.020
  • I was the kind of person that would have obeyed my parents.
  • 00:19:11.020 --> 00:19:14.110
  • You would?
  • 00:19:14.290 --> 00:19:16.040
  • - [Heather] You were a Godly child.
  • 00:19:16.040 --> 00:19:17.010
  • I was not.
  • 00:19:17.010 --> 00:19:17.260
  • I was a terror.
  • 00:19:17.260 --> 00:19:19.110
  • - [Lauren] Hey, I would have done anything my parents.
  • 00:19:19.110 --> 00:19:21.290
  • - [Dianna] That's a great boundary
  • 00:19:21.290 --> 00:19:24.000
  • for your parents to be involved in that,
  • 00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:26.170
  • especially thinking of my daughters.
  • 00:19:26.170 --> 00:19:28.160
  • They already know that we are a safeguard for them,
  • 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:32.060
  • to kind of see on the outside, you know.
  • 00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.200
  • The type of partner or person that they're attracted to,
  • 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:37.170
  • and if it's a bad match, then we'll speak up.
  • 00:19:37.170 --> 00:19:40.020
  • And that's pretty much what your parents did.
  • 00:19:40.020 --> 00:19:41.270
  • - [Lauren] Well, Matt says to this day,
  • 00:19:41.270 --> 00:19:43.100
  • he goes, "We wouldn't be married had her dad
  • 00:19:43.100 --> 00:19:46.130
  • not spoken up for me and stuck up for me."
  • 00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:49.010
  • - [Heather] Wow.
  • 00:19:49.010 --> 00:19:50.080
  • - [Lauren] So that was very real to me.
  • 00:19:50.080 --> 00:19:52.240
  • Other people in my family or didn't adhead to that
  • 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:57.240
  • and went through a lot of pain.
  • 00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:00.250
  • You know, my daddy was just such an amazing man
  • 00:20:00.250 --> 00:20:04.140
  • and I think he knew what I needed.
  • 00:20:04.140 --> 00:20:07.250
  • I mean, he was the one,
  • 00:20:07.250 --> 00:20:09.170
  • who when he walked me down the aisle,
  • 00:20:09.170 --> 00:20:12.020
  • he looked at me and he said,
  • 00:20:12.020 --> 00:20:14.070
  • "Baby, if you don't want to do this,
  • 00:20:14.070 --> 00:20:17.110
  • I'll run you to the car right now."
  • 00:20:17.110 --> 00:20:19.210
  • He says, "But if I walk you down this aisle
  • 00:20:19.210 --> 00:20:21.190
  • and I give you to Matt,"
  • 00:20:21.190 --> 00:20:23.070
  • he goes, "you ain't coming home."
  • 00:20:23.070 --> 00:20:25.200
  • And I think he thought I needed to hear that
  • 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:29.230
  • and so, I was always listening to what my dad had said.
  • 00:20:29.230 --> 00:20:34.050
  • I mean, he pastored me all my life.
  • 00:20:34.050 --> 00:20:37.030
  • He prophetically spoke into my life all those years
  • 00:20:37.030 --> 00:20:40.280
  • and when it came to Matt, we just had some stuff, you know.
  • 00:20:40.280 --> 00:20:45.160
  • Like every normal couple, we had stuff.
  • 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:48.270
  • And my dad always stuck up for Matt
  • 00:20:48.270 --> 00:20:52.170
  • and I just couldn't believe it,
  • 00:20:52.170 --> 00:20:55.010
  • because I was daddy's little girl.
  • 00:20:55.010 --> 00:20:56.240
  • But he always, even in the times where it was hard,
  • 00:20:58.080 --> 00:21:02.190
  • he stuck up for him and even to this day,
  • 00:21:02.190 --> 00:21:05.180
  • Matt will say, "We wouldn't be married
  • 00:21:05.180 --> 00:21:07.210
  • today without her dad."
  • 00:21:07.210 --> 00:21:09.170
  • And that's true.
  • 00:21:09.170 --> 00:21:10.220
  • And I love my dad today with all my heart.
  • 00:21:10.220 --> 00:21:13.170
  • - [Heather] When I was younger, I was the total opposite.
  • 00:21:13.170 --> 00:21:16.080
  • I was rebellious.
  • 00:21:16.080 --> 00:21:17.190
  • So, if you told me not to be with a boy,
  • 00:21:17.190 --> 00:21:19.070
  • I'm going to sneak out of the house to be with him.
  • 00:21:19.070 --> 00:21:21.090
  • Oh yeah, to go be with him.
  • 00:21:21.090 --> 00:21:22.070
  • I was the type of person,
  • 00:21:22.070 --> 00:21:23.150
  • let me figure it out by myself
  • 00:21:23.150 --> 00:21:25.030
  • and if I fall flat on my face,
  • 00:21:25.030 --> 00:21:27.020
  • then I learned something, right?
  • 00:21:27.020 --> 00:21:28.120
  • It's not the best way to go. (women laughing)
  • 00:21:28.120 --> 00:21:30.060
  • I found Jesus (women laughing)
  • 00:21:30.060 --> 00:21:31.270
  • But I found myself in an abusive relationship
  • 00:21:31.270 --> 00:21:34.130
  • at 17 years old, where he was beating me,
  • 00:21:34.130 --> 00:21:36.230
  • like beating me up, on a regular basis.
  • 00:21:36.230 --> 00:21:38.220
  • - [Lauren] Wow.
  • 00:21:38.220 --> 00:21:40.030
  • - You totally understand. - [Nicole] Yep.
  • 00:21:40.030 --> 00:21:41.090
  • - [Heather] And I thought that was love,
  • 00:21:41.090 --> 00:21:42.150
  • but my parents loved me, great Godly,
  • 00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:43.270
  • married 30 years, loved each other,
  • 00:21:43.270 --> 00:21:46.020
  • but I still thought that that was love,
  • 00:21:46.020 --> 00:21:47.230
  • because I was searching for God.
  • 00:21:47.230 --> 00:21:49.110
  • I was searching for hope.
  • 00:21:49.110 --> 00:21:50.250
  • When I was seventeen,
  • 00:21:50.250 --> 00:21:52.120
  • I was in a really bad dysfunctional relationship
  • 00:21:52.120 --> 00:21:54.030
  • and I learned that I had to,
  • 00:21:54.030 --> 00:21:56.100
  • I don't deserve to be treated like that.
  • 00:21:56.100 --> 00:21:57.090
  • I don't deserve to be beat.
  • 00:21:57.090 --> 00:21:58.270
  • I don't deserve to be hit.
  • 00:21:58.270 --> 00:22:00.090
  • And then I finally started fighting back,
  • 00:22:00.090 --> 00:22:01.260
  • and then I realized, I don't need dysfunction in my life.
  • 00:22:01.260 --> 00:22:04.060
  • That's not what I want.
  • 00:22:04.060 --> 00:22:05.120
  • That's not what I want for my children.
  • 00:22:05.120 --> 00:22:06.210
  • So, I had to learn the hard way and
  • 00:22:06.210 --> 00:22:09.000
  • I wish that I would have listened
  • 00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:10.250
  • to the advice of somebody else,
  • 00:22:10.250 --> 00:22:12.050
  • but I kept my relationship private.
  • 00:22:12.050 --> 00:22:13.220
  • I didn't tell anybody he hit me,
  • 00:22:13.220 --> 00:22:15.180
  • because I didn't want anybody in my business.
  • 00:22:15.180 --> 00:22:18.100
  • But the reality is, I needed other people in my business,
  • 00:22:18.100 --> 00:22:21.000
  • because I didn't know everything.
  • 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:22.130
  • I'm thankful.
  • 00:22:22.130 --> 00:22:23.110
  • I hate that I went through it.
  • 00:22:23.110 --> 00:22:24.250
  • I wouldn't want to obviously ever go through that,
  • 00:22:24.250 --> 00:22:27.030
  • but I just learned that I had to set boundaries
  • 00:22:27.030 --> 00:22:29.130
  • and I had to realize who I was
  • 00:22:29.130 --> 00:22:31.210
  • and my worth and value.
  • 00:22:31.210 --> 00:22:33.050
  • It's like I had to go through that rough patch to learn,
  • 00:22:33.050 --> 00:22:35.290
  • and I lost myself in that,
  • 00:22:35.290 --> 00:22:37.030
  • because I thought that was love.
  • 00:22:37.030 --> 00:22:38.040
  • I wanted to marry him.
  • 00:22:38.040 --> 00:22:39.190
  • I thank God that he wasn't open to that, you know.
  • 00:22:39.190 --> 00:22:42.090
  • But I thank God for His hand on me, protecting me,
  • 00:22:42.090 --> 00:22:44.120
  • because I should have - [Lauren] Yes, amen.
  • 00:22:44.120 --> 00:22:46.050
  • - [Heather] Gone down the path in
  • 00:22:46.050 --> 00:22:47.240
  • that totally dysfunctional relationship,
  • 00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:48.260
  • but I lost myself.
  • 00:22:48.260 --> 00:22:50.130
  • Then, when I got saved and I married my husband,
  • 00:22:50.130 --> 00:22:52.260
  • after a few Christian relationships,
  • 00:22:52.260 --> 00:22:54.280
  • I married my husband.
  • 00:22:54.280 --> 00:22:56.070
  • That first year, I felt like I was getting lost.
  • 00:22:56.070 --> 00:22:58.190
  • I remember, my mother said to me,
  • 00:22:58.190 --> 00:23:00.280
  • "Heather, you need to get a hobby.
  • 00:23:00.280 --> 00:23:02.110
  • You need to get a hobby."
  • 00:23:02.110 --> 00:23:03.260
  • That was some of the best advice that I ever got,
  • 00:23:03.260 --> 00:23:05.200
  • because she said,
  • 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:06.150
  • "When you get a hobby,
  • 00:23:06.150 --> 00:23:07.150
  • you're not going to be so focused
  • 00:23:07.150 --> 00:23:08.190
  • on what your husband's doing nonstop
  • 00:23:08.190 --> 00:23:10.220
  • and what he's focusing on.
  • 00:23:10.220 --> 00:23:11.290
  • Get a hobby."
  • 00:23:11.290 --> 00:23:12.240
  • So, I started blogging.
  • 00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:14.000
  • I started blogging and sharing with women
  • 00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:16.130
  • my journey and all these different things I looked up.
  • 00:23:16.130 --> 00:23:19.030
  • Nobody read my blogs at first.
  • 00:23:19.030 --> 00:23:20.170
  • I looked up and I had 20 million views.
  • 00:23:20.170 --> 00:23:23.070
  • I was confused.
  • 00:23:23.070 --> 00:23:24.140
  • I said, "Where did these people come from?"
  • 00:23:24.140 --> 00:23:26.010
  • But it was just me sharing
  • 00:23:26.010 --> 00:23:27.090
  • what I've gone through as a single,
  • 00:23:27.090 --> 00:23:29.060
  • what I've gone through in my marriage.
  • 00:23:29.060 --> 00:23:30.270
  • And I realized other people are broken,
  • 00:23:30.270 --> 00:23:32.110
  • other people are hurting.
  • 00:23:32.110 --> 00:23:33.180
  • They need some type of hope.
  • 00:23:33.180 --> 00:23:35.060
  • - [Bianca] When Heather said, "Get a hobby,"
  • 00:23:35.060 --> 00:23:37.000
  • when it comes to that self-identifying
  • 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:39.080
  • and holding onto your identity, I laughed.
  • 00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:41.250
  • I laughed, because, one, she's funny,
  • 00:23:41.250 --> 00:23:44.060
  • and, two, because it's true.
  • 00:23:44.060 --> 00:23:46.090
  • So we can chalk it up to a hobby,
  • 00:23:46.090 --> 00:23:47.240
  • but I think at the core of what she was saying is,
  • 00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:49.130
  • you have to find the things that make you come alive.
  • 00:23:49.130 --> 00:23:52.090
  • Otherwise, you find your happiness, your existence,
  • 00:23:52.090 --> 00:23:55.050
  • your clarity, your destiny, in the life of someone else.
  • 00:23:55.050 --> 00:23:58.060
  • If we are not being guards of our identity in Christ,
  • 00:23:58.060 --> 00:24:01.290
  • we're going to let others.
  • 00:24:01.290 --> 00:24:04.020
  • And that's not even people.
  • 00:24:04.020 --> 00:24:05.090
  • It could be work. - [Dianna] Yeah.
  • 00:24:05.090 --> 00:24:06.160
  • I've been in work situations where
  • 00:24:06.160 --> 00:24:08.000
  • I have lost my own identity for the sake of something else.
  • 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:10.220
  • - [Heather] Yeah.
  • 00:24:10.220 --> 00:24:12.100
  • - [Bianca] We have got to protect and set healthy boundaries
  • 00:24:12.100 --> 00:24:13.250
  • so that our identity is not muddled, broken down, or lost
  • 00:24:13.250 --> 00:24:17.040
  • in marriage and in life transition and loss,
  • 00:24:17.040 --> 00:24:20.030
  • ministry - [Nicole] Every year, yeah.
  • 00:24:20.030 --> 00:24:21.180
  • - [Bianca] Yeah, we've got to be vanguards of our identity
  • 00:24:21.180 --> 00:24:23.240
  • and not let others, life situations, our children,
  • 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:26.180
  • mess with who we are or
  • 00:24:26.180 --> 00:24:28.190
  • lose the health of good boundaries to protect.
  • 00:24:28.190 --> 00:24:32.170
  • Wait a minute, I'm first and foremost a child of God.
  • 00:24:32.170 --> 00:24:34.090
  • There's an anointing on my life
  • 00:24:34.090 --> 00:24:36.060
  • and a calling on my life (women agreeing)
  • 00:24:36.060 --> 00:24:37.190
  • to only do what I was called and forged me to do.
  • 00:24:37.190 --> 00:24:39.230
  • If we let go of that, then we allow others to determine
  • 00:24:39.230 --> 00:24:42.050
  • not just our life, but our destiny sometimes.
  • 00:24:42.050 --> 00:24:45.160
  • - [Nicole] You know, I heard somebody say,
  • 00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:47.040
  • "There are certain things that are good to you,
  • 00:24:47.040 --> 00:24:48.110
  • but they're not good for you."
  • 00:24:48.110 --> 00:24:49.260
  • And I believe that the holy spirit will allow you
  • 00:24:49.260 --> 00:24:51.260
  • to know the difference.
  • 00:24:51.260 --> 00:24:53.030
  • And I want pray that God will give you
  • 00:24:53.030 --> 00:24:54.170
  • the strength of conviction,
  • 00:24:54.170 --> 00:24:56.210
  • that he will give you the power to resist
  • 00:24:56.210 --> 00:24:59.240
  • what needs to be resisted,
  • 00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:01.100
  • but to guard what needs to be guarded.
  • 00:25:01.100 --> 00:25:03.180
  • And that starts with your heart.
  • 00:25:03.180 --> 00:25:05.070
  • So, Father, in the name of Jesus,
  • 00:25:05.070 --> 00:25:06.190
  • I thank you so much for my sisters,
  • 00:25:06.190 --> 00:25:08.130
  • and even some of my brothers,
  • 00:25:08.130 --> 00:25:10.110
  • who might be checking in right now, Lord.
  • 00:25:10.110 --> 00:25:12.150
  • I thank you for them.
  • 00:25:12.150 --> 00:25:13.130
  • I thank you for their lives.
  • 00:25:13.130 --> 00:25:14.190
  • I thank you because you know them,
  • 00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:16.030
  • you see them, you hear them, and you care about them.
  • 00:25:16.030 --> 00:25:19.260
  • Lord, it was you that told us to guard our hearts
  • 00:25:19.260 --> 00:25:21.260
  • with all manner of diligence,
  • 00:25:21.260 --> 00:25:23.110
  • because you said, Lord, out of it flows the issues of life.
  • 00:25:23.110 --> 00:25:26.230
  • So, I pray that you will give them
  • 00:25:26.230 --> 00:25:27.280
  • the strength that they need,
  • 00:25:27.280 --> 00:25:29.020
  • give them the conviction,
  • 00:25:29.020 --> 00:25:30.140
  • give them the courage, give them the words.
  • 00:25:30.140 --> 00:25:32.180
  • Show them where to say no and where to say yes, Lord.
  • 00:25:32.180 --> 00:25:36.090
  • I pray that they would see that their value starts with you.
  • 00:25:36.090 --> 00:25:39.290
  • It is rooted in you, Lord.
  • 00:25:39.290 --> 00:25:41.170
  • And because of that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.
  • 00:25:41.170 --> 00:25:44.080
  • Because of that, they are beautiful.
  • 00:25:44.080 --> 00:25:45.200
  • Because of that, they are strong and
  • 00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:47.160
  • you have a plan and a purpose for their lives, Lord.
  • 00:25:47.160 --> 00:25:50.180
  • So that we commit this to you, Lord.
  • 00:25:50.180 --> 00:25:52.010
  • We thank you because you hear us.
  • 00:25:52.010 --> 00:25:53.290
  • You see us, like I said, Lord.
  • 00:25:53.290 --> 00:25:55.080
  • I thank you, because you know our details.
  • 00:25:55.080 --> 00:25:57.000
  • You know the things that bruised us
  • 00:25:57.000 --> 00:25:59.040
  • and that crushed us, Lord,
  • 00:25:59.040 --> 00:26:00.260
  • and you're able to mend us in those areas
  • 00:26:00.260 --> 00:26:02.240
  • and make us strong and not just survive those things,
  • 00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:05.010
  • but to thrive because of those things.
  • 00:26:05.010 --> 00:26:07.150
  • So, Lord, again, I pray a blessing upon them,
  • 00:26:07.150 --> 00:26:09.230
  • and I just thank you for what you're going to do
  • 00:26:09.230 --> 00:26:12.070
  • in their lives starting right now.
  • 00:26:12.070 --> 00:26:14.270
  • In Jesus' Name, Amen.
  • 00:26:14.270 --> 00:26:17.210
  • - [Lauren] You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:26:17.210 --> 00:26:19.030
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:19.030 --> 00:26:20.240
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
  • 00:26:20.240 --> 00:26:24.080
  • We love you and, most importantly, God loves you.
  • 00:26:24.080 --> 00:26:27.020
  • - [Heather] You can watch Better Together
  • 00:26:28.280 --> 00:26:30.150
  • episodes on demand.
  • 00:26:30.150 --> 00:26:32.090
  • - [Bianca] Go to Bettertogether.tv to stream
  • 00:26:32.090 --> 00:26:34.180
  • all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:26:34.180 --> 00:26:36.110
  • - [Heather] And here's what's coming up next
  • 00:26:39.140 --> 00:26:41.040
  • on Better Together.
  • 00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:42.100
  • - [Bianca] The number one question that
  • 00:26:42.100 --> 00:26:43.220
  • we're getting in churches across the nation
  • 00:26:43.220 --> 00:26:46.050
  • in North America and specifically, the globe, is
  • 00:26:46.050 --> 00:26:49.120
  • Where are all the Christian men?
  • 00:26:49.120 --> 00:26:51.090
  • - [Nicole] Yes!
  • 00:26:51.090 --> 00:26:52.160
  • So, we can idea about the things that we want,
  • 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.070
  • but there's a huge x-factor.
  • 00:26:54.070 --> 00:26:55.220
  • =[Heather] Watch Better Together weekdays on TBN.
  • 00:26:55.220 --> 00:26:59.140