Created for Relationship | Better Together | TBN

Created for Relationship | Better Together

Watch Created for Relationship | Better Together
September 16, 2019
26:48

You were not created to be alone! Let's talk about the necessity of healthy relationships, love languages, and more! | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Created for Relationship | Better Together

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  • - We are hardwired for relationship.
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  • So what does intimacy mean to you?
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  • C'mon, let's talk about it.
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  • (light cheery music)
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  • (vocalizing)
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  • - So friends the conversation
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  • we want to address today is relationship.
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  • Why do we crave relationship? - [Woman] Ooh, yeah.
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  • - And I think just as like a foundation
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  • for our conversation this morning
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  • is this is a God-given need.
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  • (women agreeing)
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  • A God-given desire.
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  • So if we want to be in a relationship
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  • but it doesn't feel like we're like,
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  • thirsty or needy.
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  • - Right.
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  • - We really do, we need God.
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  • And we see this in the Book of Genesis
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  • when God says, "Let us make man in our image."
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  • - So we know that God was in the beginning
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  • of the foundation of the earth.
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  • And the first thing that God said wasn't good
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  • was that man was alone.
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  • - [Women] Yeah.
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  • - And so he made someone for him
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  • and I want to pull the conversation up
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  • that's not just dating relationship
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  • but even just friendships.
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  • Why do we crave friendships
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  • and foster friendships in our lives?
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  • - Well I'll be honest, when I first got saved
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  • I had the wrong understanding with my godly friends.
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  • I would glean onto them and I would grab onto them.
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  • (woman singing) Right.
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  • (laughing)
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  • And I would depend on them more than I depended on the Lord.
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  • So I learned that I had to get my foundation
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  • right with God first.
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  • Like I had to learn to seek Him.
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  • He would make it so my friends didn't answer.
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  • And I would run to them every time I had an issue.
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  • Every time I had a problem I'd pick up the phone
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  • and I'd call a friend, "what do you think?"
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  • Instead I didn't acknowledge the Lord in all my ways.
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  • So I learned that you know what?
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  • My friends are great but I need to make sure
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  • my foundation is right and that is that I know the Lord.
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  • Every time I was lonely, I found the Lord
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  • drawing me back to Him.
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  • So after I feel like I got my foundation
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  • right with the Lord, then I started
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  • getting godly friends.
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  • 'Cause I wasn't scaring 'em away.
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  • - [Woman] Yeah. - By being needy.
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  • And thinkin' they could solve all my problems and issues.
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  • "You didn't call me."
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  • You know what I'm sayin'?
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  • Like, "you were about to hang out with me."
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  • - Exactly, "did I do something? Did I say something?"
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  • - Exactly.
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  • If you don't get your butt up and serve.
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  • (laughing)
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  • Like get busy about doing the work and the history.
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  • And so I found in godly friends is that I learned
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  • to the point where I was mature, you know what I mean?
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  • That I could bring something
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  • to the table of the friendship, you know what I mean?
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  • Like how can I be a better friend, you know so.
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  • - Yeah.
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  • - I think it's just a journey of learn in Christ.
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  • Depending on him for everything
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  • and then beginning to foster healthy godly relationships.
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  • I first got saved in 2003 and I had really one friend
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  • that was saved and I called my friend about
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  • all my issues and all my problems.
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  • I probably was super needy.
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  • And I was looking to them as my only example
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  • of you know, what a Christian was
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  • and I was really being hard on them
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  • about their lifestyle because I felt like
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  • they were my God.
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  • Friends make terrible gods all right?
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  • So I had to learn in that moment
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  • that my friend is human too.
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  • She's not perfect and Jesus died for her
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  • sins like he died for mine.
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  • So I learned that I had to grace people around me.
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  • I couldn't look at everybody like,
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  • "Oh well, you act like this." and then label them
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  • as the whole entire church is like that.
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  • No that's not true.
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  • One person hurt you not the whole entire church.
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  • So I have developed in my friendships
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  • and in my relationshipS.
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  • And it's taken time, energy, effort
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  • and also the expectation things.
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  • I don't have a whole lot of expectations
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  • from people in general.
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  • I put my expectations and my hope in the Lord.
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  • - Well we could be a little gun-shy
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  • if I could put it that way.
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  • (women agreeing)
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  • You especially for some of us that didn't
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  • start off with great friends.
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  • Friends that you know, that kind of stomped on your heart
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  • and kind of threw it out.
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  • And it would sabotage your future friendships.
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  • So the crave of you know security, safety
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  • is very important for people like me.
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  • You test the waters a little bit.
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  • And I think a lot of girlfriends
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  • or people that are out there, you know kind of peering in,
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  • it's just the fact of how can I choose friends
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  • and have safe friends that I can do life with
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  • and they won't betray me.
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  • And I think at the end of the day it's that.
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  • It's like is there trust or are you just here for a season?
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  • Or are you just a fair weather friend you know?
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  • Are you a shopping friend or are you a friend
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  • that's just after my man right?
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  • (women agreeing)
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  • There's a difference.
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  • - All friends are not created equal.
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  • (laughing)
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  • But they are necessary you know.
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  • They really are necessary.
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  • I know I would not be here today had it not been
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  • for great healthy relationships.
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  • Among females, the sisterhood.
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  • And I've had to establish and come to grips with
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  • the fact that Jesus had, he had the multitude,
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  • he had the 12, he had the three and he had the one.
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  • And sometimes we have to know who our one,
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  • who our three and who our 12 are, you know.
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  • And sometimes they might rotate.
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  • Sometimes even among the three, you may have the one
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  • that's the closest to you during this season.
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  • And among the 12 sometimes that shifts into the three.
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  • And so just being open and then knowing also
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  • that you may not have the bandwidth or the time
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  • to spend with everybody equally either
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  • but it doesn't mean that they don't have
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  • real estate in your heart.
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  • That you don't love them, that you don't care for them.
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  • And not feeling like you know that I'm betraying
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  • you or not, just being what I could be for you.
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  • Friends have helped me tremendously in my single life.
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  • See friends can keep you outta trouble.
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  • Friends can get you in trouble
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  • but they can also keep you out of trouble.
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  • A real friend would tell you, "girl, don't answer
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  • "the phone."
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  • "Girl don't wear that. Do not say that, don't go there
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  • "and don't be by yourself with him."
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  • You know what I'm saying?
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  • Friends are you know, they've been my life-line.
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  • Friends were who God used when I was going
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  • through an abusive relationship back in the day.
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  • It was my friends that would hide me out,
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  • that would encourage me, that would pick me up
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  • from the hospital.
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  • It was my friends.
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  • And so I thank God for them.
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  • The Bible says, "there's a friend that sticks closer
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  • "than a brother."
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  • And God has given me great friends.
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  • Great sister-girls.
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  • And I wouldn't like I said again,
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  • I wouldn't be here without 'em and I would not want
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  • to do life, you know without them being a part of it so.
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  • I'm grateful for my friends.
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  • - What does it look like to cultivate intimacy
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  • in relationship, like friendships,
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  • relationships in marriage, relationships with kids,
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  • relationships with parents?
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  • - Yeah I think you're love language matters.
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  • Like I found out my love language is for my friends.
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  • - What's your love language?
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  • - My love language is touch an quality time.
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  • - Okay. - All right so,
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  • with my friends I feel most loved when we're spending
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  • time together and also acts of service.
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  • Like you come help me hold my kid.
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  • [Women] Yes! Yeah!
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  • So my best friends come over to my house
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  • and I can't get out as much and they'll hold my kid
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  • while I make vegan spreads for them.
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  • (laughing)
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  • It's a great exchange because they love
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  • quality time and acts of service so,
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  • finding out your friends love languages
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  • are helpful, I think.
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  • And that's what I've done and it's worked for me.
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  • - So for those that aren't familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman
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  • wrote a book Five Love Languages
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  • and I think that one he did not list was
  • 00:07:01.080 --> 00:07:04.090
  • number six which is food.
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  • (laughing) Shared meals together.
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  • Acts of service, quality time altogether
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  • but if you can't cook, I don't want to spend
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  • my time with you.
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  • - So we talked about Five Love Languages.
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  • It's acts of service, quality time, physical touch,
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  • words of affirmation and gifts.
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  • And I feel like I'm love-lingual.
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  • Just give me it all.
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  • - [All] Yes! Love-lingual!
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  • - When my husband Matt and I were engaged,
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  • we had to take this test through
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  • our pre-marital counseling.
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  • And it was to discover what language
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  • of the five love languages we each possessed.
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  • I kid you not, I know I sound dramatic.
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  • I ranked super high on four of the five gifts.
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  • My lowest gift was quality time.
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  • And guess which one was my husband's highest?
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  • Quality time.
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  • We could not be further than opposite.
  • 00:08:03.170 --> 00:08:05.110
  • But at the very very top, I think physical touch
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  • and words of affirmation are my top two languages.
  • 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:11.270
  • - It's so funny 'cause Matt and I just read that book.
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  • It's always been around the house for what?
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  • 30 some years and we finally read
  • 00:08:16.270 --> 00:08:20.150
  • through the whole thing together not too long ago
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  • and we just we're dyin' laughing
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  • because you know, being married 35 years
  • 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:28.050
  • and then reading the book is pretty humorous
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  • and it's like, "oh you were supposed to do that?"
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  • (laughing)
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  • - Well there's the question.
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  • What's your love language?
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  • - Well I was tellin' him going, "look I don't know
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  • "which one." 'cause I do love all five
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  • "so do not stop all five."
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  • (laughing)
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  • I was afraid he'd quit one you know it's like, mm-mm.
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  • - Certain seasons pull on different love languages.
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  • - [Woman] That's true.
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  • - Like acts of service, but maybe in the future
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  • we're out of the diapers and you know,
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  • they've gotten a little bit older.
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  • Believe me that season will pass
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  • and you're gonna enjoy it even more.
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  • It's gonna be fun.
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  • But for me like right now, it's I'm a gift giver,
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  • I love giving gifts. - [All] Yes you are.
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  • - And so I like to lavish my friends with gifts.
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  • - So I'll give you my dress. - [Woman] Right?
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  • - Go ahead girl.
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  • - Size eight shoes.
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  • - [All] Yeah!
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  • - But that's how I love my friends.
  • 00:09:14.150 --> 00:09:15.260
  • - I love that. - I have one close friend.
  • 00:09:15.260 --> 00:09:18.120
  • Kelly Murdock, I love you love you love you.
  • 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:20.270
  • We've been best friend since high school.
  • 00:09:20.270 --> 00:09:23.070
  • - Oh I love that. - We were in choir together.
  • 00:09:23.070 --> 00:09:24.290
  • We were ministered by the same music teacher together.
  • 00:09:24.290 --> 00:09:28.040
  • So I've had a life-long friend through
  • 00:09:28.040 --> 00:09:31.010
  • the journey and the course of my life.
  • 00:09:31.010 --> 00:09:32.210
  • Now when you have those kinds of friends,
  • 00:09:32.210 --> 00:09:35.130
  • they get to see the evolution of who you are,
  • 00:09:35.130 --> 00:09:38.080
  • what you are becoming and who you've become.
  • 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:40.170
  • - Still love you.
  • 00:09:40.170 --> 00:09:41.150
  • - And still celebrate you.
  • 00:09:41.150 --> 00:09:43.180
  • And still love you.
  • 00:09:43.180 --> 00:09:44.160
  • And still take trips with you.
  • 00:09:44.160 --> 00:09:46.180
  • Those are the kind of friends that stand the test of time.
  • 00:09:46.180 --> 00:09:49.130
  • And for me, she has been such a blessing
  • 00:09:49.130 --> 00:09:51.120
  • and on our church staff as well.
  • 00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:53.110
  • - [Woman] Oh amazing.
  • 00:09:53.110 --> 00:09:54.140
  • That's a gift.
  • 00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:55.090
  • - I think for me, the strongest one in this season
  • 00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:59.250
  • is words of affirmation I think
  • 00:09:59.250 --> 00:10:03.190
  • because of the line of work that I'm in,
  • 00:10:03.190 --> 00:10:06.070
  • I'm in the people business.
  • 00:10:06.070 --> 00:10:07.150
  • I'm a pastor, I'm a pastor's wife,
  • 00:10:07.150 --> 00:10:09.240
  • a pastor leading a whole congregation alongside my husband.
  • 00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:14.150
  • There are, for a female psyche just to give you a glimspse
  • 00:10:15.280 --> 00:10:19.230
  • you know, you pour out, you pour out, you pour out
  • 00:10:19.230 --> 00:10:22.090
  • and you're wondering, "am I making a difference?"
  • 00:10:22.090 --> 00:10:24.100
  • So words of affirmation really does fill the love tank
  • 00:10:24.100 --> 00:10:28.030
  • in my world and the next add girl's art, you know.
  • 00:10:28.030 --> 00:10:31.000
  • - For me, I think it's words of affirmation
  • 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:33.030
  • which is probably one of my love languages.
  • 00:10:33.030 --> 00:10:35.120
  • So I love to encourage people.
  • 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:36.270
  • I love to see the good and say you can become, you can do.
  • 00:10:36.270 --> 00:10:40.290
  • Also acts of service.
  • 00:10:40.290 --> 00:10:42.140
  • So how can I serve?
  • 00:10:42.140 --> 00:10:44.000
  • And I have great friends who serve me.
  • 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:45.130
  • Extremely well, they really do.
  • 00:10:45.130 --> 00:10:47.250
  • And I love that but it's also something
  • 00:10:47.250 --> 00:10:50.030
  • that I love to do for them too so.
  • 00:10:50.030 --> 00:10:52.030
  • Gifts, I like gifts I really do
  • 00:10:52.030 --> 00:10:54.050
  • but I'm just you know, like I'm not
  • 00:10:54.050 --> 00:10:58.210
  • like you don't have to buy me something
  • 00:10:58.210 --> 00:11:00.120
  • for me to like you.
  • 00:11:00.120 --> 00:11:01.240
  • But if you were to help me with something
  • 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:04.110
  • now you have my affections.
  • 00:11:04.110 --> 00:11:06.070
  • But I love yours too, so size eight.
  • 00:11:06.070 --> 00:11:08.060
  • (laughing)
  • 00:11:08.060 --> 00:11:09.250
  • - [Woman] Let's see some products rolling.
  • 00:11:09.250 --> 00:11:10.270
  • - I'm not saying it doesn't speak to me.
  • 00:11:12.190 --> 00:11:14.190
  • And I like spending time but for me time
  • 00:11:17.050 --> 00:11:20.000
  • is one of those commodities honestly
  • 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:21.240
  • that I feel like I have such a shortage of.
  • 00:11:21.240 --> 00:11:24.010
  • - That's real.
  • 00:11:24.010 --> 00:11:24.260
  • That's how I feel. - So for me,
  • 00:11:25.290 --> 00:11:27.060
  • my mom if you asked her, how do you spell love?
  • 00:11:27.060 --> 00:11:29.050
  • "You spell love T-I-M-E."
  • 00:11:29.050 --> 00:11:31.010
  • You know but for me that's not.
  • 00:11:31.010 --> 00:11:33.060
  • You can give me a little bit of your time
  • 00:11:33.060 --> 00:11:35.120
  • and I would feel loved.
  • 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:36.190
  • You don't have to give me a lot of it,
  • 00:11:36.190 --> 00:11:38.100
  • just a little matters to me.
  • 00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:40.110
  • And so I kinda feel sometimes like,
  • 00:11:40.110 --> 00:11:42.260
  • then I should just be able to give you a little bit
  • 00:11:42.260 --> 00:11:45.210
  • you know what I'm saying?
  • 00:11:45.210 --> 00:11:46.280
  • I mean honestly, will it not suffice?
  • 00:11:46.280 --> 00:11:49.100
  • But everybody's languages are different.
  • 00:11:49.100 --> 00:11:51.160
  • (light cheery music)
  • 00:11:51.160 --> 00:11:53.250
  • - Ladies we are stronger when we stand together.
  • 00:11:53.250 --> 00:11:56.190
  • - That's right.
  • 00:11:56.190 --> 00:11:58.050
  • - That's why this is so much more than just a TV show.
  • 00:11:58.050 --> 00:11:59.190
  • Better Together is a community built on love
  • 00:11:59.190 --> 00:12:01.250
  • and encouragement.
  • 00:12:01.250 --> 00:12:03.100
  • - If you wanna link arms with women who are passionately
  • 00:12:03.100 --> 00:12:05.050
  • following Jesus, follow us @bettertogethertv.
  • 00:12:05.050 --> 00:12:08.070
  • - [Woman] We pray for each other, talk about the latest
  • 00:12:08.070 --> 00:12:10.090
  • episodes, and of course, make new friends.
  • 00:12:10.090 --> 00:12:12.270
  • - And we can't wait to see you there.
  • 00:12:12.270 --> 00:12:15.240
  • - If I could describe my personality in one word,
  • 00:12:15.240 --> 00:12:18.080
  • I'd have to say, fiery.
  • 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:19.220
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:12:19.220 --> 00:12:21.250
  • My husband likes to say that we're like chips and salsa.
  • 00:12:21.250 --> 00:12:24.010
  • He's white and salty and I bring the heat.
  • 00:12:24.010 --> 00:12:26.070
  • So together it's a good mix.
  • 00:12:26.070 --> 00:12:27.160
  • I'm gonna go with fiery.
  • 00:12:27.160 --> 00:12:28.250
  • - This is one of our viewers on Instagram, she wrote
  • 00:12:31.110 --> 00:12:34.230
  • "why do I want to be loved by someone,
  • 00:12:34.230 --> 00:12:37.000
  • "should I open up my heart to that feeling?"
  • 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:39.250
  • Yes!
  • 00:12:39.250 --> 00:12:41.030
  • - Well we kicked off the show with this concept
  • 00:12:41.030 --> 00:12:43.190
  • of God creating us for community.
  • 00:12:43.190 --> 00:12:47.040
  • And so that feeling is very natural.
  • 00:12:47.040 --> 00:12:48.200
  • Don't negate or squash that feeling.
  • 00:12:48.200 --> 00:12:50.230
  • I think open yourself up, not to someone or anyone.
  • 00:12:50.230 --> 00:12:55.230
  • Exactly.
  • 00:12:56.080 --> 00:12:56.290
  • Be careful.
  • 00:12:56.290 --> 00:12:58.080
  • But I think this a great way to kind of dove tail
  • 00:12:58.080 --> 00:12:59.290
  • the conversation but our lack of intimacy,
  • 00:12:59.290 --> 00:13:02.140
  • our of lack of relationship, our desire for community
  • 00:13:02.140 --> 00:13:05.070
  • is fostered by God who fashioned us
  • 00:13:05.070 --> 00:13:07.030
  • and designed us for that.
  • 00:13:07.030 --> 00:13:08.140
  • So be in intimate relationship with your creator,
  • 00:13:08.140 --> 00:13:10.270
  • the only person who's gonna fully know you.
  • 00:13:12.030 --> 00:13:14.070
  • I love my husband, he doesn't know all my crazy.
  • 00:13:14.070 --> 00:13:16.130
  • But God does.
  • 00:13:16.130 --> 00:13:17.240
  • And so being in a relationship with God first
  • 00:13:17.240 --> 00:13:20.110
  • and it removes anyone from trying to complete you
  • 00:13:20.110 --> 00:13:24.070
  • or understand you 'cause they won't
  • 00:13:24.070 --> 00:13:26.010
  • in the way that God can.
  • 00:13:26.010 --> 00:13:28.120
  • - Going back to what you said Bianca,
  • 00:13:28.120 --> 00:13:30.020
  • in Genesis where there was a need for Adam
  • 00:13:30.020 --> 00:13:34.090
  • not to be alone and God said that was not good.
  • 00:13:34.090 --> 00:13:38.050
  • That's not good, so he brought about
  • 00:13:38.050 --> 00:13:40.000
  • and looked all over the place.
  • 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:41.280
  • He's not matched up with animals.
  • 00:13:41.280 --> 00:13:43.130
  • He's not matched up with anybody else
  • 00:13:43.130 --> 00:13:45.010
  • so God created a woman.
  • 00:13:45.010 --> 00:13:47.000
  • Took a rib out of Adam's side and fashioned a woman
  • 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:50.250
  • and brought the woman to him.
  • 00:13:50.250 --> 00:13:52.280
  • And so there's this ache in every person to be known.
  • 00:13:52.280 --> 00:13:56.030
  • To be known.
  • 00:13:56.290 --> 00:13:58.140
  • Just like God in his triune being he was known.
  • 00:13:58.140 --> 00:14:03.070
  • And with Adam, he wanted to be known.
  • 00:14:03.070 --> 00:14:05.090
  • And just like Eve, she wanted to be known as well
  • 00:14:05.090 --> 00:14:07.280
  • but then she went off-kilter at the end.
  • 00:14:07.280 --> 00:14:09.230
  • - A little bit, a little bit. (laughing)
  • 00:14:09.230 --> 00:14:11.030
  • - But all of that to say I think it goes back
  • 00:14:11.030 --> 00:14:13.250
  • to when you have evolved.
  • 00:14:13.250 --> 00:14:16.280
  • You've grown, no longer you know, for some of us
  • 00:14:16.280 --> 00:14:19.260
  • like myself no longer J-Lo.
  • 00:14:19.260 --> 00:14:21.160
  • J-Lo grew up and became Jennifer, right?
  • 00:14:21.160 --> 00:14:24.010
  • And so it's growing up in ourselves.
  • 00:14:24.010 --> 00:14:27.000
  • Learning who we are and wanting to be known
  • 00:14:27.000 --> 00:14:29.270
  • by someone else and I think the constant ache
  • 00:14:29.270 --> 00:14:32.280
  • is for us as individuals, being young.
  • 00:14:32.280 --> 00:14:36.060
  • You know, it's the immature love or immature wanting
  • 00:14:36.060 --> 00:14:39.000
  • to be in a relationship where 10 years later
  • 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:41.220
  • you don't even recognize yourself.
  • 00:14:41.220 --> 00:14:43.100
  • You're not the same person.
  • 00:14:43.100 --> 00:14:45.010
  • You're not the young you know, Heather or Bianca.
  • 00:14:45.010 --> 00:14:47.120
  • You're not the young Nicole.
  • 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:49.010
  • I'm so grateful I'm not the young Diana.
  • 00:14:49.010 --> 00:14:51.270
  • (all agreeing)
  • 00:14:51.270 --> 00:14:53.040
  • I'm glad social media wasn't back then, okay?
  • 00:14:53.040 --> 00:14:56.120
  • Please don't archive all right?
  • 00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:58.220
  • And so, it's so helpful to understand
  • 00:14:58.220 --> 00:15:02.140
  • the crave, the constant crave of humanity
  • 00:15:02.140 --> 00:15:04.150
  • is we want someone to testify to our life.
  • 00:15:04.150 --> 00:15:08.020
  • Someone that won't run away after knowing
  • 00:15:08.020 --> 00:15:10.060
  • all the good, bad and the ugly.
  • 00:15:10.060 --> 00:15:12.050
  • It's that crave.
  • 00:15:12.050 --> 00:15:14.020
  • You know, I think across the board, male and female
  • 00:15:14.020 --> 00:15:16.280
  • it's wanting someone to be close to you is so normal.
  • 00:15:16.280 --> 00:15:21.060
  • Wanting someone and to be known on a deeper level
  • 00:15:21.060 --> 00:15:25.050
  • than just, "oh you know my name is."
  • 00:15:25.050 --> 00:15:27.020
  • And then you fill in the blank.
  • 00:15:27.020 --> 00:15:29.050
  • I think for most of us it's wanting
  • 00:15:29.050 --> 00:15:32.090
  • to come home to someone that they get to celebrate you.
  • 00:15:32.090 --> 00:15:35.150
  • They smile, you know, it's not just your dog.
  • 00:15:35.150 --> 00:15:38.000
  • It's an actual person.
  • 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.130
  • Wanting to be there and to connect
  • 00:15:40.130 --> 00:15:42.260
  • with you and not leaving you know, if when someone
  • 00:15:42.260 --> 00:15:45.150
  • knows you they don't leave.
  • 00:15:45.150 --> 00:15:47.210
  • They don't take off and so to have someone
  • 00:15:47.210 --> 00:15:50.110
  • actually invested in your life wanting to stay there.
  • 00:15:50.110 --> 00:15:54.060
  • I think that's what people crave the most.
  • 00:15:54.060 --> 00:15:57.040
  • - I think what's also interesting is that
  • 00:15:57.040 --> 00:15:59.180
  • sometimes the church says, "don't say
  • 00:15:59.180 --> 00:16:02.030
  • "you want to be married."
  • 00:16:02.030 --> 00:16:03.140
  • Like don't say that like it's a bad thing.
  • 00:16:03.140 --> 00:16:05.110
  • Like if you're single it's okay to say it.
  • 00:16:05.110 --> 00:16:07.180
  • Like when I was single I was like, "no I want to be
  • 00:16:07.180 --> 00:16:09.030
  • "a wife. I don't want to be a forever friend.
  • 00:16:09.030 --> 00:16:10.280
  • "I want a man. I want kids."
  • 00:16:10.280 --> 00:16:12.180
  • But that's biblical, you know what I mean?
  • 00:16:14.020 --> 00:16:15.200
  • And it's okay to be fruitful and multiply.
  • 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:17.030
  • Like I wanted that.
  • 00:16:17.030 --> 00:16:18.110
  • And it's okay, I think first step is to say,
  • 00:16:18.110 --> 00:16:19.290
  • "It's okay to say that."
  • 00:16:19.290 --> 00:16:21.080
  • It's okay to say "I want a relationship."
  • 00:16:21.080 --> 00:16:22.240
  • I want godly friends and be that, your own self.
  • 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:26.150
  • You know what I mean?
  • 00:16:26.150 --> 00:16:28.000
  • - However I'm at a place right now honestly
  • 00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:30.250
  • where I have found a certain contentment
  • 00:16:30.250 --> 00:16:34.100
  • in my you know, fifth year of being single, you know.
  • 00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:38.120
  • I'm lovin' it.
  • 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:39.270
  • Do I still desire to be married at the right time?
  • 00:16:39.270 --> 00:16:41.080
  • Absolutely I do.
  • 00:16:41.080 --> 00:16:43.010
  • But if God doesn't give it to me will I die unfulfilled?
  • 00:16:43.010 --> 00:16:45.290
  • No because I do have community with sisters.
  • 00:16:45.290 --> 00:16:48.240
  • With other family members.
  • 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:50.070
  • I have great brothers.
  • 00:16:50.070 --> 00:16:51.220
  • I have great couples that are my friends and singles.
  • 00:16:51.220 --> 00:16:54.030
  • And so I feel like my relationship, my relationships,
  • 00:16:54.030 --> 00:16:58.120
  • are good right now.
  • 00:16:58.120 --> 00:16:59.200
  • You know it has room to improve but it's not
  • 00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:02.070
  • a bad situation to where I feel thirsty.
  • 00:17:02.070 --> 00:17:04.180
  • Like you said earlier.
  • 00:17:04.180 --> 00:17:06.070
  • At first honestly when I became single,
  • 00:17:06.070 --> 00:17:09.020
  • I was disgruntled not just because I was single
  • 00:17:09.020 --> 00:17:11.070
  • but because I was like, "how do you do this?"
  • 00:17:11.070 --> 00:17:13.210
  • You know it's been decades and I'm like
  • 00:17:13.210 --> 00:17:15.250
  • I'm thrown into a pool and there are no rules
  • 00:17:15.250 --> 00:17:18.190
  • except you have Scripture that tells you
  • 00:17:18.190 --> 00:17:20.280
  • the do's and the don'ts.
  • 00:17:20.280 --> 00:17:22.210
  • But as far as the everyday-ness of it
  • 00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:24.110
  • like what do you do?
  • 00:17:24.110 --> 00:17:25.260
  • So that was, it was kind of a mystery to me
  • 00:17:25.260 --> 00:17:29.010
  • and then I wound up having relationship you know,
  • 00:17:29.010 --> 00:17:33.050
  • just a couple years later.
  • 00:17:33.050 --> 00:17:35.020
  • And so just that whole thing of you know,
  • 00:17:35.020 --> 00:17:38.050
  • how do you make this work
  • 00:17:38.050 --> 00:17:40.090
  • and how do you find contentment?
  • 00:17:40.090 --> 00:17:42.020
  • And just starting to see that really,
  • 00:17:42.020 --> 00:17:44.090
  • contentment is not based on who you're with
  • 00:17:44.090 --> 00:17:47.060
  • or who you're not with.
  • 00:17:47.060 --> 00:17:48.070
  • It's who you belong to.
  • 00:17:48.070 --> 00:17:49.250
  • And that's Jesus Christ.
  • 00:17:49.250 --> 00:17:51.260
  • And so I think probably honestly around you know,
  • 00:17:51.260 --> 00:17:54.260
  • year two to three I started just relaxing
  • 00:17:54.260 --> 00:17:57.150
  • in whose I was not who I was with
  • 00:17:57.150 --> 00:18:01.000
  • or who I was not with.
  • 00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:02.200
  • And so for me that began, like my journey of contentment.
  • 00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:05.240
  • The Bible says "whatever state
  • 00:18:05.240 --> 00:18:07.010
  • "you find yourself in, be content."
  • 00:18:07.010 --> 00:18:08.100
  • you know find happiness, find joy there.
  • 00:18:08.100 --> 00:18:11.100
  • And I can honestly say right now,
  • 00:18:11.100 --> 00:18:13.230
  • I am more content you know than I was even a year
  • 00:18:13.230 --> 00:18:17.080
  • two, three, four.
  • 00:18:17.080 --> 00:18:19.000
  • You know I'm in year five and we'll see what happens
  • 00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:21.030
  • beyond here but my contentment like I said,
  • 00:18:21.030 --> 00:18:24.090
  • is not contingent on the exterior
  • 00:18:24.090 --> 00:18:26.230
  • but on the interior that's because Christ resides
  • 00:18:26.230 --> 00:18:29.060
  • inside of me and so because of that
  • 00:18:29.060 --> 00:18:31.120
  • I'm free to maximize this season of life.
  • 00:18:31.120 --> 00:18:35.110
  • - So I've a question. - Yeah, okay.
  • 00:18:35.110 --> 00:18:36.190
  • - So for women that are watching or men
  • 00:18:36.190 --> 00:18:39.110
  • that are even watching online and saying
  • 00:18:39.110 --> 00:18:40.240
  • "well you look so content and you found
  • 00:18:40.240 --> 00:18:43.090
  • "a sense of peace."
  • 00:18:43.090 --> 00:18:44.230
  • Talk to us about like what does it look like after drama.
  • 00:18:44.230 --> 00:18:47.210
  • What does it look like after loss?
  • 00:18:47.210 --> 00:18:49.060
  • What does it look like in developing
  • 00:18:49.060 --> 00:18:50.090
  • a new sense of community?
  • 00:18:50.090 --> 00:18:51.150
  • How did you find your way through that?
  • 00:18:51.150 --> 00:18:52.170
  • - Well the Lord definitely.
  • 00:18:52.170 --> 00:18:53.240
  • And I know that's a pat answer.
  • 00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:55.040
  • But it is true.
  • 00:18:55.040 --> 00:18:56.090
  • But I didn't always feel this way.
  • 00:18:56.090 --> 00:18:57.230
  • I didn't always feel the contentment that I have now.
  • 00:18:57.230 --> 00:19:01.000
  • But after my marital status changed, it's what I call it.
  • 00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:04.080
  • I went through a period of I'd never,
  • 00:19:05.120 --> 00:19:08.040
  • like I don't want to ever even want to
  • 00:19:08.040 --> 00:19:10.180
  • want to be married again, you know?
  • 00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:12.120
  • So I remember going through that
  • 00:19:12.120 --> 00:19:14.000
  • and not necessarily hating men
  • 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:17.150
  • but the Lord began to heal me through
  • 00:19:17.150 --> 00:19:20.200
  • me seeing other great relationships.
  • 00:19:20.200 --> 00:19:22.180
  • Me opening up my desire again
  • 00:19:22.180 --> 00:19:25.020
  • to say, you know what?
  • 00:19:25.020 --> 00:19:25.280
  • No.
  • 00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:27.110
  • The right kind of even love relationship is of me.
  • 00:19:27.110 --> 00:19:30.260
  • You know the songs of Solomon are in the Bible.
  • 00:19:30.260 --> 00:19:33.080
  • You know what I'm saying?
  • 00:19:33.080 --> 00:19:34.040
  • For a reason.
  • 00:19:34.040 --> 00:19:35.110
  • And so I have a healthy desire now
  • 00:19:35.110 --> 00:19:38.010
  • and it came from the Lord healing me.
  • 00:19:38.010 --> 00:19:39.240
  • You know it didn't come from me just
  • 00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:41.280
  • waddling in my broken-ness.
  • 00:19:41.280 --> 00:19:43.130
  • But from me saying "Lord this is yours.
  • 00:19:43.130 --> 00:19:45.120
  • "I give you even these broken pieces.
  • 00:19:45.120 --> 00:19:47.170
  • "And use my life however you choose to."
  • 00:19:47.170 --> 00:19:50.160
  • And so in the meantime, I've been busy in the field.
  • 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:54.000
  • I'm tryin' to glean like Groot.
  • 00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:55.180
  • (laughing)
  • 00:19:55.180 --> 00:19:57.140
  • - And if Boaz wakes up and says "hey who is that?"
  • 00:19:57.140 --> 00:20:01.040
  • then all right, I'm just sayin'.
  • 00:20:01.040 --> 00:20:03.240
  • - But you know what?
  • 00:20:04.250 --> 00:20:06.080
  • I think that's so cool because you found your happiness
  • 00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:08.090
  • being single and I think a lot of single
  • 00:20:08.090 --> 00:20:10.190
  • women have wanted to get married
  • 00:20:10.190 --> 00:20:12.240
  • and maybe they're older now
  • 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:14.050
  • and they've never been married.
  • 00:20:14.050 --> 00:20:15.180
  • But they've been happy in their single-ness
  • 00:20:15.180 --> 00:20:18.130
  • because He says "I'm the husband
  • 00:20:18.130 --> 00:20:20.120
  • "to the husbandless."
  • 00:20:20.120 --> 00:20:21.260
  • You know and "I'm the father to the fatherless."
  • 00:20:21.260 --> 00:20:23.230
  • And if we find our identity in ourselves
  • 00:20:23.230 --> 00:20:26.250
  • and Him that changes everything.
  • 00:20:26.250 --> 00:20:28.210
  • - It really does.
  • 00:20:28.210 --> 00:20:29.180
  • - You know the best advice my mom gave me
  • 00:20:31.020 --> 00:20:33.060
  • was during a time when I really wasn't
  • 00:20:33.060 --> 00:20:36.070
  • trying to hear it.
  • 00:20:36.070 --> 00:20:37.220
  • But she told me, she said, "God is not in a hurry."
  • 00:20:37.220 --> 00:20:41.040
  • She wasn't saying that God doesn't do things
  • 00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:42.220
  • swiftly or that He doesn't do things suddenly
  • 00:20:42.220 --> 00:20:45.010
  • because he does do that.
  • 00:20:45.010 --> 00:20:46.170
  • But He's not anxious, He's not in a hurry,
  • 00:20:46.170 --> 00:20:49.030
  • He's not panicked and so He doesn't do knee-jerk
  • 00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:53.020
  • reactions so we don't have to live our lives
  • 00:20:53.020 --> 00:20:55.290
  • thinking that oh my goodness you know,
  • 00:20:55.290 --> 00:20:58.070
  • what is God gonna do?
  • 00:20:58.070 --> 00:20:59.020
  • What am I gonna do?
  • 00:20:59.020 --> 00:21:00.100
  • We can rest in Him knowing that He has it.
  • 00:21:00.100 --> 00:21:02.160
  • His timing is perfect.
  • 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:04.150
  • He may not come even when it's timely for us
  • 00:21:04.150 --> 00:21:08.120
  • but He's always on time when
  • 00:21:08.120 --> 00:21:11.040
  • because it's in order with what He has.
  • 00:21:12.080 --> 00:21:14.080
  • And so I think for me that was probably
  • 00:21:14.080 --> 00:21:16.000
  • one of the better things and it has taught me
  • 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:18.100
  • and it's still teaching me to be patient
  • 00:21:18.100 --> 00:21:20.180
  • and to relax in Christ and know that
  • 00:21:20.180 --> 00:21:23.080
  • He has it all taken care of.
  • 00:21:23.080 --> 00:21:24.290
  • - You can stream Better Together episodes on the go.
  • 00:21:26.280 --> 00:21:29.170
  • Download the TBN app to watch
  • 00:21:29.170 --> 00:21:31.080
  • all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:21:31.080 --> 00:21:32.290
  • (light cheery music)
  • 00:21:32.290 --> 00:21:36.060
  • - I do want to say this too that
  • 00:21:36.060 --> 00:21:38.260
  • during the season, 'cause I am single
  • 00:21:40.020 --> 00:21:42.150
  • I have found a new contentment
  • 00:21:42.150 --> 00:21:44.240
  • because I'm able to do certain things
  • 00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:46.230
  • that I couldn't do when I was married, you know.
  • 00:21:46.230 --> 00:21:48.270
  • It's like you're being aware of
  • 00:21:48.270 --> 00:21:51.070
  • like you guys you can maximize the season that you're in
  • 00:21:51.070 --> 00:21:54.040
  • and now I can maximize the season that I'm in
  • 00:21:54.040 --> 00:21:56.050
  • until that season change, if it has to change.
  • 00:21:56.050 --> 00:21:58.280
  • So if I wanted to just get up and go to Paris
  • 00:21:58.280 --> 00:22:02.050
  • with my friends, you know what I'm saying?
  • 00:22:02.050 --> 00:22:04.060
  • I can do that.
  • 00:22:04.060 --> 00:22:05.200
  • I mean I have children but they're getting older
  • 00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:07.090
  • so it's like really I'm just like okay
  • 00:22:07.090 --> 00:22:09.100
  • "Hey Karen. What are you doin'?"
  • 00:22:09.100 --> 00:22:11.120
  • You know, hey son.
  • 00:22:11.120 --> 00:22:12.270
  • You know we can do certain things that I don't have to
  • 00:22:12.270 --> 00:22:16.060
  • check in in the same way.
  • 00:22:16.060 --> 00:22:18.060
  • And it has it's pros but of course that it has it's cons.
  • 00:22:18.060 --> 00:22:21.250
  • When great things happen, you're just telling
  • 00:22:21.250 --> 00:22:23.240
  • the same three people and it's great.
  • 00:22:23.240 --> 00:22:25.100
  • (laughing)
  • 00:22:25.100 --> 00:22:26.210
  • But in the meantime, the relationships
  • 00:22:26.210 --> 00:22:29.270
  • are the things that we need
  • 00:22:29.270 --> 00:22:31.170
  • without 'em life is just, it's spice-less.
  • 00:22:31.170 --> 00:22:36.170
  • - You've gotta understand that marriage
  • 00:22:37.180 --> 00:22:38.260
  • isn't like all the sudden the prize.
  • 00:22:38.260 --> 00:22:42.100
  • If you were discontent when you were single,
  • 00:22:42.100 --> 00:22:44.000
  • you're gonna be discontent when you're married.
  • 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:46.080
  • Contentment is a heartbeat.
  • 00:22:46.080 --> 00:22:49.160
  • So I just want to encourage anybody that is trying
  • 00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:51.290
  • to be content in the season that you're in,
  • 00:22:51.290 --> 00:22:54.020
  • spend time with the Lord but get busy.
  • 00:22:54.020 --> 00:22:56.170
  • Walk in your purpose.
  • 00:22:56.170 --> 00:22:57.200
  • Serve other people.
  • 00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:58.190
  • When you're serving other people
  • 00:22:58.190 --> 00:22:59.270
  • and you're walking in your purpose
  • 00:22:59.270 --> 00:23:01.140
  • you're not gonna think about what you're lacking.
  • 00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:02.230
  • God is gonna provide for you
  • 00:23:02.230 --> 00:23:03.250
  • and He's gonna take care of you.
  • 00:23:03.250 --> 00:23:05.090
  • - I love the concept that you brought up
  • 00:23:05.090 --> 00:23:06.170
  • of like maximizing your seasons
  • 00:23:06.170 --> 00:23:08.030
  • because everyone here is in a different season of life.
  • 00:23:08.030 --> 00:23:11.060
  • You know, you're marrying off your kids
  • 00:23:11.060 --> 00:23:12.240
  • in the name of Jesus you're gonna be a great grandma.
  • 00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:15.110
  • And you have two outta the house?
  • 00:23:15.110 --> 00:23:17.080
  • Or two graduated high school? - No four.
  • 00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:19.010
  • - Four done with high school already?
  • 00:23:19.010 --> 00:23:21.000
  • All done with high school?
  • 00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:22.270
  • And then you have young ones
  • 00:23:22.270 --> 00:23:24.180
  • and I just have a pre-teen and a teen.
  • 00:23:24.180 --> 00:23:26.150
  • So we're all on different seasons of life.
  • 00:23:26.150 --> 00:23:28.130
  • But at the same time, what does it look like to maximize?
  • 00:23:28.130 --> 00:23:30.290
  • Married or single.
  • 00:23:30.290 --> 00:23:32.120
  • Widowed or recently married.
  • 00:23:32.120 --> 00:23:34.110
  • What does it look like to maximize the season
  • 00:23:34.110 --> 00:23:35.090
  • that God has put in front of us?
  • 00:23:35.090 --> 00:23:36.290
  • In a room of healthy community.
  • 00:23:36.290 --> 00:23:38.200
  • - So today you might be doin' just great.
  • 00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:40.270
  • You might have all the friends you need.
  • 00:23:40.270 --> 00:23:43.100
  • You might have the husband that you think
  • 00:23:43.100 --> 00:23:45.220
  • is just amazing and everything fine.
  • 00:23:45.220 --> 00:23:48.150
  • Some of you might find yourself feelin'
  • 00:23:48.150 --> 00:23:50.290
  • a little deficit today in the area of relationship
  • 00:23:50.290 --> 00:23:54.210
  • and friendships and maybe you're in a hard spot today.
  • 00:23:54.210 --> 00:23:59.030
  • I'm gonna pray for you because there is
  • 00:23:59.030 --> 00:24:03.070
  • something in all of us that we need God
  • 00:24:03.070 --> 00:24:06.070
  • in the lonely places of our hearts.
  • 00:24:06.070 --> 00:24:09.000
  • There are places that only God can fill.
  • 00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:11.100
  • So today I pray for you.
  • 00:24:11.100 --> 00:24:13.100
  • And I pray that God fills the longing of your heart.
  • 00:24:13.100 --> 00:24:17.270
  • The depths of your soul where you feel lonely.
  • 00:24:17.270 --> 00:24:21.260
  • You might feel afraid.
  • 00:24:21.260 --> 00:24:23.030
  • I pray that God blesses you today.
  • 00:24:23.030 --> 00:24:25.190
  • I pray that he fills you up with his Holy Spirit.
  • 00:24:25.190 --> 00:24:28.090
  • You know that's just an asking of Him
  • 00:24:28.090 --> 00:24:30.140
  • to say Jesus come.
  • 00:24:30.140 --> 00:24:32.040
  • Come and help me fill up those places in my life
  • 00:24:32.040 --> 00:24:35.130
  • where I've tried to fill it all with all this other stuff.
  • 00:24:35.130 --> 00:24:39.000
  • God only you can satisfy my soul.
  • 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:41.170
  • So today I pray that for you in Jesus' name.
  • 00:24:41.170 --> 00:24:44.090
  • And I pray that good relationships come your way.
  • 00:24:44.090 --> 00:24:47.130
  • I pray that the people of your dreams that you've
  • 00:24:47.130 --> 00:24:50.140
  • prayed for, hold on to those.
  • 00:24:50.140 --> 00:24:52.210
  • Hold on to those dreams.
  • 00:24:52.210 --> 00:24:54.020
  • It's amazing what God can bring into your life
  • 00:24:54.020 --> 00:24:57.280
  • and fill you up with.
  • 00:24:57.280 --> 00:24:59.090
  • He's got good plans in store for you today.
  • 00:24:59.090 --> 00:25:03.080
  • You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:05.060
  • to talk a partner.
  • 00:25:05.060 --> 00:25:06.190
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day.
  • 00:25:06.190 --> 00:25:08.130
  • seven days a week.
  • 00:25:08.130 --> 00:25:10.040
  • We love you and most important God loves you.
  • 00:25:10.040 --> 00:25:12.180
  • - My favorite part of today's talk was the vulnerability.
  • 00:25:14.130 --> 00:25:19.130
  • I think you know with the right chemistry
  • 00:25:20.180 --> 00:25:21.270
  • and the right people that are in the room.
  • 00:25:21.270 --> 00:25:24.000
  • You have the ability to feel safe
  • 00:25:24.000 --> 00:25:26.080
  • and not a lot of environments for women like myself
  • 00:25:26.080 --> 00:25:29.220
  • feel safe and so when you have a safe group
  • 00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:32.250
  • of friends you tend to open up your heart
  • 00:25:32.250 --> 00:25:35.250
  • and I think a lot of connection, a lot of chemistry
  • 00:25:35.250 --> 00:25:40.060
  • a lot of open-ness was kinda brought into the room
  • 00:25:40.060 --> 00:25:44.010
  • and so you have people that are seasoned
  • 00:25:44.010 --> 00:25:46.140
  • in the middle of the road and people kind of
  • 00:25:46.140 --> 00:25:50.090
  • walking in their journey or just beginning
  • 00:25:50.090 --> 00:25:52.160
  • in their life.
  • 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:53.230
  • We kind of learn from one another.
  • 00:25:53.230 --> 00:25:55.110
  • - Friendship is so important with women
  • 00:25:55.110 --> 00:25:57.070
  • because studies show that women having girl trips
  • 00:25:57.070 --> 00:26:00.140
  • and even just going for cofee actually refreshes them.
  • 00:26:00.140 --> 00:26:03.270
  • You need women to come alongside you
  • 00:26:03.270 --> 00:26:06.020
  • to help you to do what God has called you to do.
  • 00:26:06.020 --> 00:26:08.070
  • We don't know everything.
  • 00:26:08.070 --> 00:26:09.030
  • We're not an island.
  • 00:26:09.030 --> 00:26:10.090
  • So getting together with other women
  • 00:26:10.090 --> 00:26:11.200
  • to encourage and edify.
  • 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:13.030
  • It refreshes you so you can continue on the
  • 00:26:13.030 --> 00:26:15.030
  • course of what God has called you to do.
  • 00:26:15.030 --> 00:26:17.030
  • You can watch Better Together episodes on demand.
  • 00:26:18.230 --> 00:26:21.200
  • - Go to to bettertogether.tv to stream all
  • 00:26:21.200 --> 00:26:24.040
  • of our latest conversations.
  • 00:26:24.040 --> 00:26:25.210
  • - [Woman] Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
  • 00:26:27.250 --> 00:26:30.100
  • - Had it not been for the saving grace of Jesus Christ
  • 00:26:30.100 --> 00:26:33.190
  • in our marriage and a phenomenal counselor,
  • 00:26:33.190 --> 00:26:35.260
  • that we still see for tune-ups and check-ins.
  • 00:26:35.260 --> 00:26:38.220
  • I really wonder, I wonder if we would be here today married.
  • 00:26:38.220 --> 00:26:43.220
  • - [Woman] Watch Better Together only on TBN.
  • 00:26:44.280 --> 00:26:46.180