Better Together LIVE | Episode 39
May 21, 2020
26:04
Indentifying emotional triggers. Reaching out for help. What can we expect on the journey to healing and recovery? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000
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Better Together LIVE | Episode 39
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- - Laurie: TRAGEDY IS NOT THE
- 00:00:01.495 --> 00:00:03.330
- - Laurie: TRAGEDY IS NOT THEEND OF OUR STORY.
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- END OF OUR STORY.IT CAN BE TEMPTING TO SIT IN OUR
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- IT CAN BE TEMPTING TO SIT IN OURPAIN OR EVEN RUN AWAY.
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- PAIN OR EVEN RUN AWAY.BUT GOD CAN HEAL THE WOUNDS OF
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- BUT GOD CAN HEAL THE WOUNDS OFOUR HEARTS.
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- OUR HEARTS.LET'S TALK ABOUT FINDING HOPE IN
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- LET'S TALK ABOUT FINDING HOPE INTHE RECOVERY, NO MATTER HOW LONG
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- THE RECOVERY, NO MATTER HOW LONGIT TAKES.
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- IT TAKES.COME ON.
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- - Kayla: NONE OF US ARE EXEMPT
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- - Kayla: NONE OF US ARE EXEMPTFROM BROKENNESS OR PAIN.
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- FROM BROKENNESS OR PAIN.IT'S JUST PART OF LIFE.
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- IT'S JUST PART OF LIFE.WE ARE ALL EITHER GOING THROUGH,
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- WE ARE ALL EITHER GOING THROUGH,WILL GO THROUGH OR ARE IN THE
- 00:00:43.403 --> 00:00:44.271
- WILL GO THROUGH OR ARE IN THEMIDDLE OF GOING THROUGH
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- MIDDLE OF GOING THROUGHSOMETHING.
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- SOMETHING.WHEN WE WALK THROUGH HARD THINGS
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- WHEN WE WALK THROUGH HARD THINGSIT CHANGES US.
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- IT CHANGES US.SUFFERING IS A REFINING PROCESS.
- 00:00:52.245 --> 00:00:53.880
- SUFFERING IS A REFINING PROCESS.IT REMINDS US HOW LITTLE CONTROL
- 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:56.049
- IT REMINDS US HOW LITTLE CONTROLWE ACTUALLY HAVE AND HOW GREAT
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- WE ACTUALLY HAVE AND HOW GREATOUR NEED FOR GOD ACTUALLY IS.
- 00:00:59.219 --> 00:01:00.554
- OUR NEED FOR GOD ACTUALLY IS.IT CHANGES US WHEN WE WALK
- 00:01:00.554 --> 00:01:01.388
- IT CHANGES US WHEN WE WALKTHROUGH THE FIRE.
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- THROUGH THE FIRE.WHEN WE EXPERIENCE TRAUMA OR
- 00:01:03.290 --> 00:01:05.358
- WHEN WE EXPERIENCE TRAUMA ORGRIEF OR LOSS IT CHANGES THE WAY
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- GRIEF OR LOSS IT CHANGES THE WAYWE SEE EVERYTHING.
- 00:01:06.526 --> 00:01:08.028
- WE SEE EVERYTHING.THE WAY WE INTERACT WITH THE
- 00:01:08.028 --> 00:01:08.762
- THE WAY WE INTERACT WITH THEWORLD.
- 00:01:08.762 --> 00:01:09.996
- WORLD.THE WAY WE INTERACT WITH OTHERS,
- 00:01:09.996 --> 00:01:11.465
- THE WAY WE INTERACT WITH OTHERS,THE WAY WE PROCESS INFORMATION.
- 00:01:11.465 --> 00:01:13.200
- THE WAY WE PROCESS INFORMATION.THE WAY WE RELATE TO OTHERS, IT
- 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:15.168
- THE WAY WE RELATE TO OTHERS, ITCHANGES OUR FAITH.
- 00:01:15.168 --> 00:01:16.603
- CHANGES OUR FAITH.THE WAY WE DAILY WALK OUT AND
- 00:01:16.603 --> 00:01:18.805
- THE WAY WE DAILY WALK OUT ANDDEPEND ON GOD.
- 00:01:18.805 --> 00:01:20.273
- DEPEND ON GOD.IN MY 30 YEARS ON THIS EARTH,
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- IN MY 30 YEARS ON THIS EARTH,I'VE WALKED THROUGH NUMEROUS
- 00:01:23.243 --> 00:01:24.878
- I'VE WALKED THROUGH NUMEROUSWILDERNESS SEASONS WHERE MY PAIN
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- WILDERNESS SEASONS WHERE MY PAINWAS ABSOLUTELY OVERWHELMING AND
- 00:01:26.279 --> 00:01:28.148
- WAS ABSOLUTELY OVERWHELMING ANDI STRUGGLED TO KNOW WHAT DO WITH
- 00:01:28.148 --> 00:01:29.883
- I STRUGGLED TO KNOW WHAT DO WITHIT.
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- IT.WHAT I NOTICED EARLY ON,
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- WHAT I NOTICED EARLY ON,ESPECIALLY AFTER LOSING MY
- 00:01:33.086 --> 00:01:33.820
- ESPECIALLY AFTER LOSING MYHUSBAND WAS HOW HELPFUL IT WAS
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- HUSBAND WAS HOW HELPFUL IT WASTO TALK ABOUT IT.
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- TO TALK ABOUT IT.AFTER I EXPERIENCED THE TRAUMA
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- AFTER I EXPERIENCED THE TRAUMAOF SUICIDE AND LOSING MY HUSBAND
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- OF SUICIDE AND LOSING MY HUSBANDTO SUICIDE, MY THERAPIST
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- TO SUICIDE, MY THERAPISTDESCRIBED IT AS MY BRAIN HAD ALL
- 00:01:42.129 --> 00:01:43.563
- DESCRIBED IT AS MY BRAIN HAD ALLTHESE FILES.
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- THESE FILES.ALL OF A SUDDEN MY BRAIN HAD
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- ALL OF A SUDDEN MY BRAIN HADTHIS GREAT ORGANIZED SYSTEM.
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- THIS GREAT ORGANIZED SYSTEM.ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL THESE FILES
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- ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL THESE FILESTHAT WERE SCATTERED ALL OVER THE
- 00:01:51.838 --> 00:01:54.107
- THAT WERE SCATTERED ALL OVER THEPLACE AND ALL THESE NEW PAPERS
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- PLACE AND ALL THESE NEW PAPERSAND NO WHERE TO PUT IT.
- 00:01:56.576 --> 00:01:58.345
- AND NO WHERE TO PUT IT.SO ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR THE
- 00:01:58.345 --> 00:01:59.779
- SO ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR THEFIRST THREE MONTHS, EVEN WHEN I
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- FIRST THREE MONTHS, EVEN WHEN IWENT TO BED, I DIDN'T EVEN GET A
- 00:02:01.248 --> 00:02:03.483
- WENT TO BED, I DIDN'T EVEN GET ABREAK IN MY DREAMS, ALL DAY
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- BREAK IN MY DREAMS, ALL DAYEVERY DAY I WOULD CIRCULATE THE
- 00:02:05.118 --> 00:02:06.753
- EVERY DAY I WOULD CIRCULATE THETRAUMA.
- 00:02:06.753 --> 00:02:08.588
- TRAUMA.THE TRAUMA WOULD GO AROUND AND
- 00:02:08.588 --> 00:02:10.824
- THE TRAUMA WOULD GO AROUND ANDAROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND.
- 00:02:10.824 --> 00:02:11.858
- AROUND AND AROUND AND AROUND.AND MY BRAIN WAS JUST TRYING TO
- 00:02:11.858 --> 00:02:15.729
- AND MY BRAIN WAS JUST TRYING TOUNDERSTAND HOW DID THIS HAPPY TO
- 00:02:15.729 --> 00:02:16.363
- UNDERSTAND HOW DID THIS HAPPY TOMY LIFE?
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- MY LIFE?HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO MY
- 00:02:17.063 --> 00:02:18.498
- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO MYHUSBAND?
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- HUSBAND?AND WHAT WAS SO HELPFUL, IT WAS
- 00:02:21.268 --> 00:02:22.836
- AND WHAT WAS SO HELPFUL, IT WASSO HELPFUL FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT
- 00:02:22.836 --> 00:02:23.703
- SO HELPFUL FOR ME TO THINK ABOUTIT THAT WAY AS THESE PAPERS
- 00:02:23.703 --> 00:02:25.572
- IT THAT WAY AS THESE PAPERSSCATTERED EVERYWHERE.
- 00:02:25.572 --> 00:02:26.239
- SCATTERED EVERYWHERE.IT GAVE ME A GOAL.
- 00:02:26.239 --> 00:02:27.340
- IT GAVE ME A GOAL.THE GOAL WAS TO CREATE A NEW
- 00:02:27.340 --> 00:02:28.942
- THE GOAL WAS TO CREATE A NEWFILING SYSTEM AND TO CREATE NEW
- 00:02:28.942 --> 00:02:30.810
- FILING SYSTEM AND TO CREATE NEWFILES TO STORE THAT TRAUMA IN.
- 00:02:30.810 --> 00:02:32.779
- FILES TO STORE THAT TRAUMA IN.IN ORDER TO CREATE THOSE NEW
- 00:02:32.779 --> 00:02:34.981
- IN ORDER TO CREATE THOSE NEWFILES I HAD TO TALK ABOUT THE
- 00:02:34.981 --> 00:02:36.216
- FILES I HAD TO TALK ABOUT THEPAIN AND I HAD TO PROCESS THE
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- PAIN AND I HAD TO PROCESS THETRAUMA AND I HAD TO SIT IN
- 00:02:37.517 --> 00:02:39.486
- TRAUMA AND I HAD TO SIT INTHERAPY AND I HAD TO SIT WITH A
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- THERAPY AND I HAD TO SIT WITH ACOUNSELOR AND RELIVE A LOT OF
- 00:02:42.088 --> 00:02:43.623
- COUNSELOR AND RELIVE A LOT OFTHOSE EXPERIENCES.
- 00:02:43.623 --> 00:02:46.126
- THOSE EXPERIENCES.WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE WRITING
- 00:02:46.126 --> 00:02:48.061
- WE TALKED ABOUT BEFORE WRITINGIT DOWN AND JOURNALING WAS SO
- 00:02:48.061 --> 00:02:50.697
- IT DOWN AND JOURNALING WAS SOHEALING FOR ME JUST TO GET THOSE
- 00:02:50.697 --> 00:02:52.332
- HEALING FOR ME JUST TO GET THOSETHOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD AND ON
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- THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD AND ONTO PAPER.
- 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:55.468
- TO PAPER.BUT TRAUMA DOES SO MUCH TO OUR
- 00:02:55.468 --> 00:02:57.737
- BUT TRAUMA DOES SO MUCH TO OURWHOLE PHYSICAL BODY.
- 00:02:57.737 --> 00:03:00.707
- WHOLE PHYSICAL BODY.IT'S SUCH A PHYSICAL RESPONSE.
- 00:03:00.707 --> 00:03:01.908
- IT'S SUCH A PHYSICAL RESPONSE.OUR MINDS-- I REMEMBER FEELING
- 00:03:01.908 --> 00:03:03.376
- OUR MINDS-- I REMEMBER FEELINGLIKE I HAD AN ELEPHANT SITTING
- 00:03:03.376 --> 00:03:07.214
- LIKE I HAD AN ELEPHANT SITTINGON MY CHEST.
- 00:03:07.214 --> 00:03:07.948
- ON MY CHEST.IT WAS SO SUFFOCATING.
- 00:03:07.948 --> 00:03:09.115
- IT WAS SO SUFFOCATING.I REMEMBER THE KNOT IN MY
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- I REMEMBER THE KNOT IN MYSTOMACH WHERE I COULD NOT EAT.
- 00:03:10.684 --> 00:03:11.952
- STOMACH WHERE I COULD NOT EAT.I LITERALLY DID NOT EAT FOR TWO
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- I LITERALLY DID NOT EAT FOR TWOWEEKS.
- 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:14.688
- WEEKS.I COULD NOT EAT.
- 00:03:14.688 --> 00:03:15.422
- I COULD NOT EAT.AND MY STOMACH WAS JUST IN
- 00:03:15.422 --> 00:03:17.457
- AND MY STOMACH WAS JUST INKNOTS.
- 00:03:17.457 --> 00:03:18.458
- KNOTS.THIS WHOLE BODY REACTION TO
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- THIS WHOLE BODY REACTION TOTRAUMA CAN BE VERY DIFFICULT TO
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- TRAUMA CAN BE VERY DIFFICULT TOKNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OUR PAIN.
- 00:03:23.163 --> 00:03:25.131
- KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH OUR PAIN.SO I THINK RIGHT AWAY WHAT WAS
- 00:03:25.131 --> 00:03:26.733
- SO I THINK RIGHT AWAY WHAT WASSO HELPFUL FOR ME WAS TO SEEK
- 00:03:26.733 --> 00:03:29.135
- SO HELPFUL FOR ME WAS TO SEEKTHERAPY AND TO BE WILLING TO
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- THERAPY AND TO BE WILLING TOTALK ABOUT IT AND TO BE WILLING
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- TALK ABOUT IT AND TO BE WILLINGTO GO THERE EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
- 00:03:32.005 --> 00:03:34.474
- TO GO THERE EVEN THOUGH IT WASPAINFUL.
- 00:03:34.474 --> 00:03:35.308
- PAINFUL.TO BE WILLING TO GO BACK TO
- 00:03:35.308 --> 00:03:37.043
- TO BE WILLING TO GO BACK TOTHOSE MOMENTS AND RELIVE THOSE
- 00:03:37.043 --> 00:03:39.246
- THOSE MOMENTS AND RELIVE THOSETRAUMATIC EVENTS AND TALK ABOUT
- 00:03:39.246 --> 00:03:40.280
- TRAUMATIC EVENTS AND TALK ABOUTIT AND CREATE NEW FILES.
- 00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:41.915
- IT AND CREATE NEW FILES.AND OVER TIME I DID.
- 00:03:41.915 --> 00:03:44.651
- AND OVER TIME I DID.TODAY IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND A
- 00:03:44.651 --> 00:03:46.186
- TODAY IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND AHALF.
- 00:03:46.186 --> 00:03:47.654
- HALF.I THINK IT'S BEEN TWENTY MONTHS
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- I THINK IT'S BEEN TWENTY MONTHSSINCE HE PASSED AWAY.
- 00:03:48.555 --> 00:03:51.091
- SINCE HE PASSED AWAY.AND MY BRAIN NOW HAS THESE NEW
- 00:03:51.091 --> 00:03:53.226
- AND MY BRAIN NOW HAS THESE NEWFILES.
- 00:03:53.226 --> 00:03:55.328
- FILES.IF I WANT TO GO BACK AND I WANT
- 00:03:55.328 --> 00:03:56.196
- IF I WANT TO GO BACK AND I WANTTO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING, I PULL
- 00:03:56.196 --> 00:03:57.530
- TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING, I PULLIT OUT AND I CAN THINK ABOUT IT
- 00:03:57.530 --> 00:03:59.199
- IT OUT AND I CAN THINK ABOUT ITAND REFLECT ON IT AND SIT IN IT
- 00:03:59.199 --> 00:04:00.667
- AND REFLECT ON IT AND SIT IN ITFOR AWHILE AND I CAN PUT IT BACK
- 00:04:00.667 --> 00:04:02.035
- FOR AWHILE AND I CAN PUT IT BACKIN AND IT HAS A SAFE SPACE TO
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- IN AND IT HAS A SAFE SPACE TOGO.
- 00:04:04.104 --> 00:04:05.739
- GO.SO THAT'S BEEN SUPER HELPFUL FOR
- 00:04:05.739 --> 00:04:08.575
- SO THAT'S BEEN SUPER HELPFUL FORME IN MY JOURNEY OF EXPERIENCING
- 00:04:08.575 --> 00:04:10.710
- ME IN MY JOURNEY OF EXPERIENCINGTRAUMA AND NOW HEALING.
- 00:04:10.710 --> 00:04:12.746
- TRAUMA AND NOW HEALING.I'M ON THIS HEALING JOURNEY OF
- 00:04:12.746 --> 00:04:14.414
- I'M ON THIS HEALING JOURNEY OFLEARNING HOW TO REBUILD MY LIFE
- 00:04:14.414 --> 00:04:15.982
- LEARNING HOW TO REBUILD MY LIFEAFTER TRAUMA.
- 00:04:15.982 --> 00:04:18.351
- AFTER TRAUMA.AND I KNOW, CHRYSTAL, THAT YOUR
- 00:04:18.351 --> 00:04:19.019
- AND I KNOW, CHRYSTAL, THAT YOURFAMILY HAS WALKED THROUGH SO
- 00:04:19.019 --> 00:04:21.721
- FAMILY HAS WALKED THROUGH SOMUCH GRIEF AND PAIN IN THESE
- 00:04:21.721 --> 00:04:22.555
- MUCH GRIEF AND PAIN IN THESELAST FEW YEARS, MULTIPLE FAMILY
- 00:04:22.555 --> 00:04:23.690
- LAST FEW YEARS, MULTIPLE FAMILYMEMBERS.
- 00:04:23.690 --> 00:04:24.924
- MEMBERS.AND I WONDER HOW YOU HAVE DEALT
- 00:04:24.924 --> 00:04:29.729
- AND I WONDER HOW YOU HAVE DEALTWITH YOUR GRIEF AND YOUR TRAUMA.
- 00:04:29.729 --> 00:04:31.097
- WITH YOUR GRIEF AND YOUR TRAUMA.- Chrystal: YEAH, I MEAN, AND
- 00:04:31.097 --> 00:04:33.266
- - Chrystal: YEAH, I MEAN, ANDTHERE ARE PEOPLE THEY ARE STILL,
- 00:04:33.266 --> 00:04:34.334
- THERE ARE PEOPLE THEY ARE STILL,OF COURSE, ASKING ME HOW I'M
- 00:04:34.334 --> 00:04:36.569
- OF COURSE, ASKING ME HOW I'MDOING BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO
- 00:04:36.569 --> 00:04:37.304
- DOING BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TOFIGURE OUT HOW IN THE MIDST OF
- 00:04:37.304 --> 00:04:37.937
- FIGURE OUT HOW IN THE MIDST OFWALKING THROUGH IT AND
- 00:04:37.937 --> 00:04:39.139
- WALKING THROUGH IT ANDCONTINUING TO LIVE A LOT OF THE
- 00:04:39.139 --> 00:04:42.008
- CONTINUING TO LIVE A LOT OF THELIVING THAT WE DO, THAT I DO,
- 00:04:42.008 --> 00:04:43.109
- LIVING THAT WE DO, THAT I DO,THAT MY FAMILY DOES IS IN FRONT
- 00:04:43.109 --> 00:04:44.477
- THAT MY FAMILY DOES IS IN FRONTOF OTHER PEOPLE.
- 00:04:44.477 --> 00:04:45.378
- OF OTHER PEOPLE.WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?
- 00:04:45.378 --> 00:04:46.579
- WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?AND ARE YOU REALLY OKAY?
- 00:04:46.579 --> 00:04:50.150
- AND ARE YOU REALLY OKAY?I LOVE HOW YOU EXPLAIN THIS IDEA
- 00:04:50.150 --> 00:04:52.185
- I LOVE HOW YOU EXPLAIN THIS IDEAOF HAVING ALL THESE FILES AND NO
- 00:04:52.185 --> 00:04:54.020
- OF HAVING ALL THESE FILES AND NOWHERE TO PUT THEM AND YOU'RE
- 00:04:54.020 --> 00:04:56.122
- WHERE TO PUT THEM AND YOU'RECREATING NEW FILES.
- 00:04:56.122 --> 00:04:58.091
- CREATING NEW FILES.I DEFINITELY THINK THAT A PART
- 00:04:58.091 --> 00:04:59.759
- I DEFINITELY THINK THAT A PARTOF THAT HAS BEEN FIGURING OUT
- 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:01.628
- OF THAT HAS BEEN FIGURING OUTWHAT TO DO WITH THE THINGS YOU
- 00:05:01.628 --> 00:05:02.996
- WHAT TO DO WITH THE THINGS YOUDIDN'T HAVE A PLACE FOR.
- 00:05:02.996 --> 00:05:04.731
- DIDN'T HAVE A PLACE FOR.MY MOTHER, OF COURSE, SHE PASSED
- 00:05:04.731 --> 00:05:06.266
- MY MOTHER, OF COURSE, SHE PASSEDAWAY IN DECEMBER, SHE ALWAYS
- 00:05:06.266 --> 00:05:08.401
- AWAY IN DECEMBER, SHE ALWAYSWANTED TO LIVE A VERY, VERY LONG
- 00:05:08.401 --> 00:05:09.869
- WANTED TO LIVE A VERY, VERY LONGLIFE.
- 00:05:09.869 --> 00:05:11.871
- LIFE.AND MY GRANDPARENTS, HER PARENTS
- 00:05:11.871 --> 00:05:13.773
- AND MY GRANDPARENTS, HER PARENTSDID.
- 00:05:13.773 --> 00:05:15.308
- DID.HER MOTHER PASSED AWAY JUST A
- 00:05:15.308 --> 00:05:16.242
- HER MOTHER PASSED AWAY JUST AFEW YEARS BEFORE AT THE AGE OF
- 00:05:16.242 --> 00:05:18.178
- FEW YEARS BEFORE AT THE AGE OF97.
- 00:05:18.178 --> 00:05:19.746
- 97.AND MY MOTHER HAVING NOT HAD ANY
- 00:05:19.746 --> 00:05:24.050
- AND MY MOTHER HAVING NOT HAD ANYREAL MAJOR HEALTH CHALLENGES,
- 00:05:24.050 --> 00:05:25.051
- REAL MAJOR HEALTH CHALLENGES,PRETTY HEALTHY, DOING ALL THE
- 00:05:25.051 --> 00:05:26.186
- PRETTY HEALTHY, DOING ALL THETHINGS, WORKING OUT, EATING
- 00:05:26.186 --> 00:05:27.454
- THINGS, WORKING OUT, EATINGORGANIC, IT FELT LIKE BEING
- 00:05:27.454 --> 00:05:29.222
- ORGANIC, IT FELT LIKE BEINGBLINDSIDED.
- 00:05:29.222 --> 00:05:32.459
- BLINDSIDED.AND YOU FIND YOURSELF SAYING,
- 00:05:32.459 --> 00:05:34.594
- AND YOU FIND YOURSELF SAYING,HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO US?
- 00:05:34.594 --> 00:05:36.796
- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO US?WELL, REALLY, WHY WOULDN'T IT
- 00:05:36.796 --> 00:05:37.964
- WELL, REALLY, WHY WOULDN'T ITHAVE HAPPENED TO US?
- 00:05:37.964 --> 00:05:39.733
- HAVE HAPPENED TO US?EVERYBODY WHO IS BLINDSIDED BY
- 00:05:39.733 --> 00:05:42.202
- EVERYBODY WHO IS BLINDSIDED BYANYTHING DIFFICULT THAT RESULTS
- 00:05:42.202 --> 00:05:44.104
- ANYTHING DIFFICULT THAT RESULTSIN A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE,
- 00:05:44.104 --> 00:05:45.305
- IN A TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE,PARTICULARLY WITH LOSS IS GOING
- 00:05:45.305 --> 00:05:46.573
- PARTICULARLY WITH LOSS IS GOINGTO HAVE THAT THOUGHT, BECAUSE WE
- 00:05:46.573 --> 00:05:47.841
- TO HAVE THAT THOUGHT, BECAUSE WEDON'T EXPECT IT.
- 00:05:47.841 --> 00:05:50.243
- DON'T EXPECT IT.SO A LARGE PART OF THE JOURNEY
- 00:05:50.243 --> 00:05:51.878
- SO A LARGE PART OF THE JOURNEYFOR ME IS ADJUSTING MY
- 00:05:51.878 --> 00:05:53.980
- FOR ME IS ADJUSTING MYEXPECTATIONS, ADJUSTING MY
- 00:05:53.980 --> 00:05:55.315
- EXPECTATIONS, ADJUSTING MYEXPECTATIONS FOR MY LIFE.
- 00:05:55.315 --> 00:05:57.751
- EXPECTATIONS FOR MY LIFE.WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, ADJUSTING
- 00:05:57.751 --> 00:05:58.918
- WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, ADJUSTINGTHE EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT I
- 00:05:58.918 --> 00:06:00.286
- THE EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT IASSUME, ADJUSTING THE
- 00:06:00.286 --> 00:06:02.822
- ASSUME, ADJUSTING THEEXPECTATIONS HOW I HONOR HER,
- 00:06:02.822 --> 00:06:04.624
- EXPECTATIONS HOW I HONOR HER,FOR EXAMPLE, ONE OF THE THOUGHTS
- 00:06:04.624 --> 00:06:06.025
- FOR EXAMPLE, ONE OF THE THOUGHTSTHAT I HAVE HAD, IT MAKES ME SAD
- 00:06:06.025 --> 00:06:07.861
- THAT I HAVE HAD, IT MAKES ME SADBECAUSE I THINK THAT SHE HAD 25
- 00:06:07.861 --> 00:06:11.731
- BECAUSE I THINK THAT SHE HAD 25YEARS, MORE THAN THAT, REALLY,
- 00:06:11.731 --> 00:06:14.634
- YEARS, MORE THAN THAT, REALLY,TO LIVE IN A SEASON OF EMPTY
- 00:06:14.634 --> 00:06:16.569
- TO LIVE IN A SEASON OF EMPTYNESTING, WHERE SHE ALSO HAD THE
- 00:06:16.569 --> 00:06:19.606
- NESTING, WHERE SHE ALSO HAD THEBANDWIDTH, THE TIME, THE
- 00:06:19.606 --> 00:06:20.373
- BANDWIDTH, THE TIME, THERESOURCES AND THE KNOWLEDGE TO
- 00:06:20.373 --> 00:06:22.675
- RESOURCES AND THE KNOWLEDGE TOHONOR HER MOTHER WELL.
- 00:06:22.675 --> 00:06:23.810
- HONOR HER MOTHER WELL.AND I'M JUST AT THE BEGINNING OF
- 00:06:23.810 --> 00:06:24.477
- AND I'M JUST AT THE BEGINNING OFTHAT.
- 00:06:24.477 --> 00:06:25.779
- THAT.MY KIDS ARE JUST GETTING OUT OF
- 00:06:25.779 --> 00:06:26.880
- MY KIDS ARE JUST GETTING OUT OFTHE HOUSE.
- 00:06:26.880 --> 00:06:27.914
- THE HOUSE.THAT SEASON WHERE, THEY'RE NOT
- 00:06:27.914 --> 00:06:29.616
- THAT SEASON WHERE, THEY'RE NOTBUYING, YOU'RE BUYING, THEY'RE
- 00:06:29.616 --> 00:06:30.884
- BUYING, YOU'RE BUYING, THEY'RENOT TAKING YOU ON SOMETHING,
- 00:06:30.884 --> 00:06:32.285
- NOT TAKING YOU ON SOMETHING,YOU'RE TAKING THEM.
- 00:06:32.285 --> 00:06:34.287
- YOU'RE TAKING THEM.AND THIS SEASON WHERE THE ROLES
- 00:06:34.287 --> 00:06:36.222
- AND THIS SEASON WHERE THE ROLESSTART TO FLIP IN A VERY HEALTHY
- 00:06:36.222 --> 00:06:38.191
- START TO FLIP IN A VERY HEALTHYWAY WHERE YOU CAN SERVE THEM.
- 00:06:38.191 --> 00:06:40.493
- WAY WHERE YOU CAN SERVE THEM.I FELT ROBBED OF THAT.
- 00:06:40.493 --> 00:06:42.529
- I FELT ROBBED OF THAT.I HAD TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT, MAN,
- 00:06:42.529 --> 00:06:44.130
- I HAD TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT, MAN,I FELT ROBBED.
- 00:06:44.130 --> 00:06:44.964
- I FELT ROBBED.I'M SURE YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITH
- 00:06:44.964 --> 00:06:46.766
- I'M SURE YOU CAN IDENTIFY WITHTHAT TOO, KAYLA, WHERE THIS IS
- 00:06:46.766 --> 00:06:47.934
- THAT TOO, KAYLA, WHERE THIS ISNOT HOW FAMILY WAS SUPPOSED TO
- 00:06:47.934 --> 00:06:48.868
- NOT HOW FAMILY WAS SUPPOSED TOBE.
- 00:06:48.868 --> 00:06:49.636
- BE.THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO
- 00:06:49.636 --> 00:06:51.438
- THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TOGO AND JUST BEING HONEST ABOUT
- 00:06:51.438 --> 00:06:52.138
- GO AND JUST BEING HONEST ABOUTTHAT.
- 00:06:52.138 --> 00:06:54.307
- THAT.BEING HONEST ABOUT IT AND BEING
- 00:06:54.307 --> 00:06:55.909
- BEING HONEST ABOUT IT AND BEINGOKAY WITH NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO
- 00:06:55.909 --> 00:06:56.943
- OKAY WITH NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DOWITH IT.
- 00:06:56.943 --> 00:06:57.911
- WITH IT.NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO.
- 00:06:57.911 --> 00:06:59.979
- NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO.BECAUSE WHILE TIME DOESN'T HEAL
- 00:06:59.979 --> 00:07:01.247
- BECAUSE WHILE TIME DOESN'T HEALALL WOUNDS, IT CERTAINLY MAKES
- 00:07:01.247 --> 00:07:02.415
- ALL WOUNDS, IT CERTAINLY MAKESTHEM MORE PALATABLE.
- 00:07:02.415 --> 00:07:05.585
- THEM MORE PALATABLE.YOU LEARN THIS WAY OF LIVING
- 00:07:05.585 --> 00:07:07.520
- YOU LEARN THIS WAY OF LIVINGWITH THE THING THAT'S BEEN HARD
- 00:07:07.520 --> 00:07:08.721
- WITH THE THING THAT'S BEEN HARDAND ACCEPTING THAT IT'S A PART
- 00:07:08.721 --> 00:07:10.690
- AND ACCEPTING THAT IT'S A PARTOF YOU.
- 00:07:10.690 --> 00:07:11.724
- OF YOU.WHEN I HAD A C-SECTION WITH ONE
- 00:07:11.724 --> 00:07:13.159
- WHEN I HAD A C-SECTION WITH ONEOF MY KIDS, I REMEMBER BEING
- 00:07:13.159 --> 00:07:15.762
- OF MY KIDS, I REMEMBER BEINGHORRIFIED.
- 00:07:15.762 --> 00:07:18.298
- HORRIFIED.AFTER THE FACT WHERE I GOT
- 00:07:18.298 --> 00:07:22.035
- AFTER THE FACT WHERE I GOTSLICED OPEN, WHERE THE BABY WAS
- 00:07:22.035 --> 00:07:23.937
- SLICED OPEN, WHERE THE BABY WASTAKEN FROM ME AND BORN, AND I'M
- 00:07:23.937 --> 00:07:24.971
- TAKEN FROM ME AND BORN, AND I'MSO GRATEFUL THAT WE HAVE
- 00:07:24.971 --> 00:07:26.272
- SO GRATEFUL THAT WE HAVETECHNOLOGY TO MAKE THOSE THINGS
- 00:07:26.272 --> 00:07:27.974
- TECHNOLOGY TO MAKE THOSE THINGSHAPPEN WHEN BIRTH IS HARD, BUT I
- 00:07:27.974 --> 00:07:29.442
- HAPPEN WHEN BIRTH IS HARD, BUT IWAS, I'M NUMB THERE, NOBODY TOLD
- 00:07:29.442 --> 00:07:30.310
- WAS, I'M NUMB THERE, NOBODY TOLDME THAT.
- 00:07:30.310 --> 00:07:33.246
- ME THAT.OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE THAT
- 00:07:33.246 --> 00:07:35.682
- OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE THATNERVES GET CUT AND YOUR BODY IS
- 00:07:35.682 --> 00:07:37.350
- NERVES GET CUT AND YOUR BODY ISNOT GONNA BE THE SAME.
- 00:07:37.350 --> 00:07:38.751
- NOT GONNA BE THE SAME.BUT THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS
- 00:07:38.751 --> 00:07:40.186
- BUT THERE WERE SO MANY THINGSABOUT CHILD BIRTH AND SO MANY
- 00:07:40.186 --> 00:07:41.554
- ABOUT CHILD BIRTH AND SO MANYTHINGS ABOUT THAT C-SECTION.
- 00:07:41.554 --> 00:07:43.189
- THINGS ABOUT THAT C-SECTION.I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
- 00:07:43.189 --> 00:07:46.426
- I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.SO ON TOP OF THE ACUTE PAIN OF
- 00:07:46.426 --> 00:07:48.728
- SO ON TOP OF THE ACUTE PAIN OFTHIS STILL HURTS, LIKE I'M
- 00:07:48.728 --> 00:07:50.830
- THIS STILL HURTS, LIKE I'MTRYING TO CARE FOR A NEWBORN
- 00:07:50.830 --> 00:07:52.699
- TRYING TO CARE FOR A NEWBORNWHILE I PHYSICALLY DON'T HAVE MY
- 00:07:52.699 --> 00:07:55.702
- WHILE I PHYSICALLY DON'T HAVE MYFULL PHYSICALITY BACK AND THERE
- 00:07:55.702 --> 00:07:57.804
- FULL PHYSICALITY BACK AND THEREARE ALL THESE THINGS THAT CAME
- 00:07:57.804 --> 00:07:58.905
- ARE ALL THESE THINGS THAT CAMEWITH THAT THAT I DID NOT KNOW
- 00:07:58.905 --> 00:07:59.639
- WITH THAT THAT I DID NOT KNOWABOUT.
- 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:01.908
- ABOUT.AND I WOULD HEAR PEOPLE SAY TO
- 00:08:01.908 --> 00:08:02.709
- AND I WOULD HEAR PEOPLE SAY TOME, AND MANY OF YOU MAY HAVE
- 00:08:02.709 --> 00:08:03.977
- ME, AND MANY OF YOU MAY HAVEHEARD, IT TAKES NINE MONTHS TO
- 00:08:03.977 --> 00:08:05.078
- HEARD, IT TAKES NINE MONTHS TOBAKE A BABY.
- 00:08:05.078 --> 00:08:06.913
- BAKE A BABY.IT TAKES NINE MONTHS PLUS TO
- 00:08:06.913 --> 00:08:09.315
- IT TAKES NINE MONTHS PLUS TORECOVER FROM HAVING ONE.
- 00:08:09.315 --> 00:08:11.251
- RECOVER FROM HAVING ONE.JUST BE OKAY IN THE MIDDLE WITH
- 00:08:11.251 --> 00:08:12.418
- JUST BE OKAY IN THE MIDDLE WITHALL OF THE UNEXPECTED THINGS
- 00:08:12.418 --> 00:08:13.720
- ALL OF THE UNEXPECTED THINGSTHAT ARE COMING.
- 00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:15.188
- THAT ARE COMING.YOU KNEW YOU WEREN'T GONNA GET
- 00:08:15.188 --> 00:08:16.022
- YOU KNEW YOU WEREN'T GONNA GETANY SLEEP.
- 00:08:16.022 --> 00:08:17.757
- ANY SLEEP.YOU KNEW YOUR BODY WAS NOT GONNA
- 00:08:17.757 --> 00:08:19.125
- YOU KNEW YOUR BODY WAS NOT GONNABE YOUR OWN, BUT YOU MAY NOT
- 00:08:19.125 --> 00:08:19.859
- BE YOUR OWN, BUT YOU MAY NOTHAVE REALIZED POST BABY HAVING
- 00:08:19.859 --> 00:08:22.128
- HAVE REALIZED POST BABY HAVINGWHAT THAT EXPERIENCE WAS GONNA
- 00:08:22.128 --> 00:08:23.129
- WHAT THAT EXPERIENCE WAS GONNABE LIKE FOR YOU.
- 00:08:23.129 --> 00:08:24.430
- BE LIKE FOR YOU.AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK I'M
- 00:08:24.430 --> 00:08:25.932
- AND THAT'S WHAT I THINK I'MLEARNING TO DO.
- 00:08:25.932 --> 00:08:26.933
- LEARNING TO DO.IS LEARNING WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE
- 00:08:26.933 --> 00:08:29.002
- IS LEARNING WHAT IT LOOKS LIKETO HAVE ALL OF THE EMOTIONS, TO
- 00:08:29.002 --> 00:08:30.937
- TO HAVE ALL OF THE EMOTIONS, TOHAVE ALL OF THE GRATITUDE.
- 00:08:30.937 --> 00:08:32.805
- HAVE ALL OF THE GRATITUDE.BEING REALLY INTENTIONAL ABOUT
- 00:08:32.805 --> 00:08:35.542
- BEING REALLY INTENTIONAL ABOUTWHAT WAS GOOD AND WHAT I DID GET
- 00:08:35.542 --> 00:08:37.243
- WHAT WAS GOOD AND WHAT I DID GETTO HAVE AND NOT WHAT I LOST AND
- 00:08:37.243 --> 00:08:37.977
- TO HAVE AND NOT WHAT I LOST ANDLEARNING TO HOLD THOSE TWO
- 00:08:37.977 --> 00:08:40.446
- LEARNING TO HOLD THOSE TWOTHINGS IN TANDEM AND TO SAY, AS
- 00:08:40.446 --> 00:08:43.383
- THINGS IN TANDEM AND TO SAY, ASI FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT LOOKS
- 00:08:43.383 --> 00:08:45.752
- I FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT LOOKSLIKE FOR ME, TO HOLD THOSE
- 00:08:45.752 --> 00:08:47.353
- LIKE FOR ME, TO HOLD THOSETHINGS IN TANDEM, GIVING MYSELF
- 00:08:47.353 --> 00:08:49.222
- THINGS IN TANDEM, GIVING MYSELFGRACE TO REALIZE ONE DAY I
- 00:08:49.222 --> 00:08:50.823
- GRACE TO REALIZE ONE DAY IDIDN'T EXPECT THAT.
- 00:08:50.823 --> 00:08:52.425
- DIDN'T EXPECT THAT.ANOTHER DAY I DIDN'T KNOW THIS
- 00:08:52.425 --> 00:08:53.960
- ANOTHER DAY I DIDN'T KNOW THISWAS GONNA BE NUMB.
- 00:08:53.960 --> 00:08:55.028
- WAS GONNA BE NUMB.ANOTHER DAY I DIDN'T KNOW THAT
- 00:08:55.028 --> 00:08:56.729
- ANOTHER DAY I DIDN'T KNOW THATTHIS WAS THE PAIN I WAS GONNA
- 00:08:56.729 --> 00:08:57.297
- THIS WAS THE PAIN I WAS GONNAFEEL.
- 00:08:57.297 --> 00:08:58.665
- FEEL.ANOTHER DAY I HAD NO IDEA.
- 00:08:58.665 --> 00:09:00.400
- ANOTHER DAY I HAD NO IDEA.I KNEW I WOULD MISS HER, BUT I
- 00:09:00.400 --> 00:09:01.501
- I KNEW I WOULD MISS HER, BUT IDIDN'T KNOW I WOULD MISS HER
- 00:09:01.501 --> 00:09:02.769
- DIDN'T KNOW I WOULD MISS HERWHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
- 00:09:02.769 --> 00:09:04.137
- WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.OR I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE WAS
- 00:09:04.137 --> 00:09:05.038
- OR I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE WASSOMETHING I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT
- 00:09:05.038 --> 00:09:05.705
- SOMETHING I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUTTHIS.
- 00:09:05.705 --> 00:09:09.576
- THIS.AND IN THE CHAOS, THE AFTERMATH
- 00:09:09.576 --> 00:09:11.945
- AND IN THE CHAOS, THE AFTERMATHOF LOSS AND GRIEF, SAYING, IT'S
- 00:09:11.945 --> 00:09:13.913
- OF LOSS AND GRIEF, SAYING, IT'SOKAY FOR ME NOT TO KNOW AND IT'S
- 00:09:13.913 --> 00:09:16.115
- OKAY FOR ME NOT TO KNOW AND IT'SOKAY FOR THOSE EMOTIONS THAT
- 00:09:16.115 --> 00:09:17.817
- OKAY FOR THOSE EMOTIONS THATCOME ALONG WITH THE TRAUMA OF
- 00:09:17.817 --> 00:09:19.986
- COME ALONG WITH THE TRAUMA OFLOSS TO ARREST ME WHEN I LEAST
- 00:09:19.986 --> 00:09:22.822
- LOSS TO ARREST ME WHEN I LEASTEXPECT IT AND IF I'M CRYING IN
- 00:09:22.822 --> 00:09:24.057
- EXPECT IT AND IF I'M CRYING INTHE MIDDLE OF A THING I'M DOING
- 00:09:24.057 --> 00:09:25.825
- THE MIDDLE OF A THING I'M DOINGONLINE OR IF TODAY I CAN'T
- 00:09:25.825 --> 00:09:27.527
- ONLINE OR IF TODAY I CAN'TFUNCTION AND I'M TELLING MY
- 00:09:27.527 --> 00:09:28.928
- FUNCTION AND I'M TELLING MYCHILDREN I REALLY MISS MY MOM
- 00:09:28.928 --> 00:09:30.229
- CHILDREN I REALLY MISS MY MOMTODAY, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
- 00:09:30.229 --> 00:09:31.164
- TODAY, BUT THAT'S OKAY.AND I THINK A PART OF THE TRAUMA
- 00:09:31.164 --> 00:09:34.534
- AND I THINK A PART OF THE TRAUMAOF LOSS IS SAYING, MAN, THIS
- 00:09:34.534 --> 00:09:38.037
- OF LOSS IS SAYING, MAN, THISHURTS AND IT HURTS ME IN WAYS I
- 00:09:38.037 --> 00:09:40.406
- HURTS AND IT HURTS ME IN WAYS INEVER COULD HAVE ANTICIPATED OR
- 00:09:40.406 --> 00:09:44.611
- NEVER COULD HAVE ANTICIPATED OREXPECTED, BUT BEING LOST IN THE
- 00:09:44.611 --> 00:09:47.280
- EXPECTED, BUT BEING LOST IN THEMIDDLE OF THE LOSS IS OKAY.
- 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:49.682
- MIDDLE OF THE LOSS IS OKAY.IT'S OKAY.
- 00:09:49.682 --> 00:09:50.650
- IT'S OKAY.AND ME LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH
- 00:09:50.650 --> 00:09:52.085
- AND ME LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITHALL THE UNEXPECTED THINGS THAT
- 00:09:52.085 --> 00:09:54.387
- ALL THE UNEXPECTED THINGS THATCOME WITH IT IS A PROCESS, AND
- 00:09:54.387 --> 00:09:56.656
- COME WITH IT IS A PROCESS, ANDTHAT'S OKAY.
- 00:09:56.656 --> 00:09:58.358
- THAT'S OKAY.AS I LEARN WHAT THE NEW FILING
- 00:09:58.358 --> 00:09:59.025
- AS I LEARN WHAT THE NEW FILINGSYSTEM IS.
- 00:09:59.025 --> 00:10:01.127
- SYSTEM IS.ONE OF THE THINGS I'VE HAD TO
- 00:10:01.127 --> 00:10:02.362
- ONE OF THE THINGS I'VE HAD TOLEARN AND I LOVE THAT ANALOGY,
- 00:10:02.362 --> 00:10:03.930
- LEARN AND I LOVE THAT ANALOGY,ONE OF THE THINGS I'VE HAD TO
- 00:10:03.930 --> 00:10:07.900
- ONE OF THE THINGS I'VE HAD TOLEARN IS THAT MY INITIAL GO TO,
- 00:10:07.900 --> 00:10:09.535
- LEARN IS THAT MY INITIAL GO TO,LIKE I SAID WAS, FEELING ROBBED.
- 00:10:09.535 --> 00:10:10.403
- LIKE I SAID WAS, FEELING ROBBED.SO I'M HAVING TO LEARN HOW TO
- 00:10:10.403 --> 00:10:12.839
- SO I'M HAVING TO LEARN HOW TOTAKE THAT FEELING, WHICH, IT'S A
- 00:10:12.839 --> 00:10:15.008
- TAKE THAT FEELING, WHICH, IT'S AREAL FEELING, BUT TO SAY, EVERY
- 00:10:15.008 --> 00:10:18.778
- REAL FEELING, BUT TO SAY, EVERYTIME I FEEL THAT FEELING, I GET
- 00:10:18.778 --> 00:10:20.813
- TIME I FEEL THAT FEELING, I GETTO REPLACE IT WITH, BUT MAN,
- 00:10:20.813 --> 00:10:23.149
- TO REPLACE IT WITH, BUT MAN,LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF I GOT TO
- 00:10:23.149 --> 00:10:25.084
- LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF I GOT TODO.
- 00:10:25.084 --> 00:10:26.452
- DO.LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP, GREAT
- 00:10:26.452 --> 00:10:28.354
- LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP, GREATRELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH MY MOM,
- 00:10:28.354 --> 00:10:29.889
- RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH MY MOM,LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS WE DID DO
- 00:10:29.889 --> 00:10:31.624
- LOOK AT ALL THE THINGS WE DID DOTOGETHER.
- 00:10:31.624 --> 00:10:32.725
- TOGETHER.SHE WAS THERE FOR THE BIRTH OF
- 00:10:32.725 --> 00:10:33.793
- SHE WAS THERE FOR THE BIRTH OFALL OF MY CHILDREN.
- 00:10:33.793 --> 00:10:35.695
- ALL OF MY CHILDREN.SHE WAS THERE AND ABLE TO SPEAK
- 00:10:35.695 --> 00:10:36.529
- SHE WAS THERE AND ABLE TO SPEAKINTO MY LIFE, TO ENCOURAGE ME IN
- 00:10:36.529 --> 00:10:37.130
- INTO MY LIFE, TO ENCOURAGE ME INMINISTRY.
- 00:10:37.130 --> 00:10:40.500
- MINISTRY.ALL OF THESE THINGS, WE WENT
- 00:10:40.500 --> 00:10:41.634
- ALL OF THESE THINGS, WE WENTOFF, JUST SHE AND I, ON SOME
- 00:10:41.634 --> 00:10:42.602
- OFF, JUST SHE AND I, ON SOMETRIPS.
- 00:10:42.602 --> 00:10:43.703
- TRIPS.WE HAD THE HARD CONVERSATIONS,
- 00:10:43.703 --> 00:10:45.571
- WE HAD THE HARD CONVERSATIONS,LIKE, I GOT TO DO A LOT.
- 00:10:45.571 --> 00:10:47.240
- LIKE, I GOT TO DO A LOT.BUT THERE'S A NEW FILING SYSTEM
- 00:10:47.240 --> 00:10:50.743
- BUT THERE'S A NEW FILING SYSTEMTHAT I'M BUILDING, WHICH IS WHEN
- 00:10:50.743 --> 00:10:52.178
- THAT I'M BUILDING, WHICH IS WHENI HAVE A RAW EMOTION TO REPLACE
- 00:10:52.178 --> 00:10:53.980
- I HAVE A RAW EMOTION TO REPLACEIT, TO FEEL IT BUT TO REPLACE IT
- 00:10:53.980 --> 00:10:55.882
- IT, TO FEEL IT BUT TO REPLACE ITWITH TRUTH AND THAT'S NEW.
- 00:10:55.882 --> 00:10:58.418
- WITH TRUTH AND THAT'S NEW.AND I'M NOT BUILT THAT WAY.
- 00:10:58.418 --> 00:11:00.086
- AND I'M NOT BUILT THAT WAY.I'M NOT A GLASS HALF FULL KIND
- 00:11:00.086 --> 00:11:01.087
- I'M NOT A GLASS HALF FULL KINDOF PERSON.
- 00:11:01.087 --> 00:11:02.155
- OF PERSON.I'M ALWAYS GONNA SEE WHAT'S
- 00:11:02.155 --> 00:11:03.823
- I'M ALWAYS GONNA SEE WHAT'SWRONG, SO IT'S ALLOWING ME TO
- 00:11:03.823 --> 00:11:05.591
- WRONG, SO IT'S ALLOWING ME TOCREATE NEW SLOTS FOR NEW EMOTION
- 00:11:05.591 --> 00:11:08.327
- CREATE NEW SLOTS FOR NEW EMOTIONAND TO ATTACH NEW THOUGHTS AND
- 00:11:08.327 --> 00:11:10.630
- AND TO ATTACH NEW THOUGHTS ANDPROCESS WITHIN IT SLOWLY AND I
- 00:11:10.630 --> 00:11:12.465
- PROCESS WITHIN IT SLOWLY AND ITHINK WE HAVE TO GIVE OURSELVES
- 00:11:12.465 --> 00:11:15.702
- THINK WE HAVE TO GIVE OURSELVESGRACE TO DO ALL OF THIS SLOWLY.
- 00:11:15.702 --> 00:11:19.572
- GRACE TO DO ALL OF THIS SLOWLY.IT'S OKAY TO TAKE YOUR TIME.
- 00:11:19.572 --> 00:11:21.541
- IT'S OKAY TO TAKE YOUR TIME.- Sheila: THAT'S SO RAW AND SO
- 00:11:21.541 --> 00:11:22.942
- - Sheila: THAT'S SO RAW AND SOREAL, CHRYSTAL.
- 00:11:22.942 --> 00:11:24.777
- REAL, CHRYSTAL.I THINK THAT'S A GIFT.
- 00:11:24.777 --> 00:11:26.779
- I THINK THAT'S A GIFT.THANK YOU.
- 00:11:26.779 --> 00:11:28.147
- THANK YOU.IT'S A GIFT TO BE ABLE TO SAY TO
- 00:11:28.147 --> 00:11:31.050
- IT'S A GIFT TO BE ABLE TO SAY TOOTHER PEOPLE THIS IS NOT OKAY.
- 00:11:31.050 --> 00:11:32.618
- OTHER PEOPLE THIS IS NOT OKAY.SO OFTEN WE FEEL WITHIN THE
- 00:11:32.618 --> 00:11:34.153
- SO OFTEN WE FEEL WITHIN THECHRISTIAN COMMUNITY THAT WE HAVE
- 00:11:34.153 --> 00:11:35.722
- CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY THAT WE HAVETO BE OKAY.
- 00:11:35.722 --> 00:11:37.156
- TO BE OKAY.THAT WE HAVE TO SOMEHOW BE LIKE
- 00:11:37.156 --> 00:11:39.625
- THAT WE HAVE TO SOMEHOW BE LIKEPR AGENTS FOR GOD.
- 00:11:39.625 --> 00:11:42.895
- PR AGENTS FOR GOD.WHICH WE DON'T HAVE TO DO.
- 00:11:42.895 --> 00:11:44.664
- WHICH WE DON'T HAVE TO DO.AND FOR ME IN MY OWN LIFE, IT'S
- 00:11:44.664 --> 00:11:47.533
- AND FOR ME IN MY OWN LIFE, IT'SLIKE REALIZING THAT SCARS ARE
- 00:11:47.533 --> 00:11:49.102
- LIKE REALIZING THAT SCARS AREPROOF THAT GOD HEALS.
- 00:11:49.102 --> 00:11:49.802
- PROOF THAT GOD HEALS.THERE'S A DIFFERENT BETWEEN A
- 00:11:49.802 --> 00:11:55.341
- THERE'S A DIFFERENT BETWEEN AWOUND AND A SCAR.
- 00:11:55.341 --> 00:11:56.175
- WOUND AND A SCAR.I HAD A REALLY OPEN WOUND FOR
- 00:11:56.175 --> 00:11:58.344
- I HAD A REALLY OPEN WOUND FORYEARS AFTER MY FATHER COMMITTED
- 00:11:58.344 --> 00:12:00.146
- YEARS AFTER MY FATHER COMMITTEDSUICIDE.
- 00:12:00.146 --> 00:12:00.980
- SUICIDE.AND THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS I
- 00:12:00.980 --> 00:12:04.050
- AND THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS ITHOUGHT, GOD, HE LOVED YOU.
- 00:12:04.050 --> 00:12:06.352
- THOUGHT, GOD, HE LOVED YOU.HE SERVED YOU.
- 00:12:06.352 --> 00:12:08.721
- HE SERVED YOU.WHEN HE SANG SOMETIMES PEOPLE
- 00:12:08.721 --> 00:12:11.491
- WHEN HE SANG SOMETIMES PEOPLEWOULD GIVE THEIR LIVES TO YOU
- 00:12:11.491 --> 00:12:13.126
- WOULD GIVE THEIR LIVES TO YOUBECAUSE THERE WAS SUCH AN
- 00:12:13.126 --> 00:12:14.527
- BECAUSE THERE WAS SUCH ANANOINTING IN MY FATHER'S LIFE.
- 00:12:14.527 --> 00:12:16.496
- ANOINTING IN MY FATHER'S LIFE.WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE WHEN HE
- 00:12:16.496 --> 00:12:18.164
- WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE WHEN HEWENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT?
- 00:12:18.164 --> 00:12:19.732
- WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT?AND KNOWING THAT HE WOULD NEVER
- 00:12:19.732 --> 00:12:22.034
- AND KNOWING THAT HE WOULD NEVERWALK ME DOWN THE AISLE.
- 00:12:22.034 --> 00:12:24.036
- WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE.I ALWAYS-- PEOPLE HAVE A HARD
- 00:12:24.036 --> 00:12:25.171
- I ALWAYS-- PEOPLE HAVE A HARDTIME WITH SOME OF THIS STUFF
- 00:12:25.171 --> 00:12:26.038
- TIME WITH SOME OF THIS STUFFBECAUSE THEY THINK, YOU LIKE
- 00:12:26.038 --> 00:12:26.939
- BECAUSE THEY THINK, YOU LIKEFINE.
- 00:12:26.939 --> 00:12:28.274
- FINE.BUT I FELT REALLY UGLY GROWING
- 00:12:28.274 --> 00:12:29.575
- BUT I FELT REALLY UGLY GROWINGUP.
- 00:12:29.575 --> 00:12:30.676
- UP.I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT-- I
- 00:12:30.676 --> 00:12:32.612
- I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT-- IHAD GREASY HAIR AND I HAD BAD
- 00:12:32.612 --> 00:12:34.747
- HAD GREASY HAIR AND I HAD BADSKIN.
- 00:12:34.747 --> 00:12:35.882
- SKIN.WHICH IS GOOD NOW, BECAUSE NOW
- 00:12:35.882 --> 00:12:37.583
- WHICH IS GOOD NOW, BECAUSE NOWTHAT I'M 60, MY SKIN'S BETTER.
- 00:12:37.583 --> 00:12:40.052
- THAT I'M 60, MY SKIN'S BETTER.BUT, YOU KNOW, IN THE YEARS I
- 00:12:40.052 --> 00:12:41.020
- BUT, YOU KNOW, IN THE YEARS INEEDED IT TO BE BETTER IT
- 00:12:41.020 --> 00:12:42.021
- NEEDED IT TO BE BETTER ITWASN'T.
- 00:12:42.021 --> 00:12:45.224
- WASN'T.I HAD SUCH A HARD TIME.
- 00:12:45.224 --> 00:12:45.992
- I HAD SUCH A HARD TIME.I DON'T THINK-- I DIDN'T DATE
- 00:12:45.992 --> 00:12:46.959
- I DON'T THINK-- I DIDN'T DATEMUCH ALL THE WAY THROUGH COLLEGE
- 00:12:46.959 --> 00:12:47.727
- MUCH ALL THE WAY THROUGH COLLEGEBECAUSE I JUST FELT SO BAD ABOUT
- 00:12:47.727 --> 00:12:49.729
- BECAUSE I JUST FELT SO BAD ABOUTMYSELF.
- 00:12:49.729 --> 00:12:52.064
- MYSELF.AND I THOUGHT, IF MY DAD HAD
- 00:12:52.064 --> 00:12:52.799
- AND I THOUGHT, IF MY DAD HADBEEN HERE, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD
- 00:12:52.799 --> 00:12:55.401
- BEEN HERE, HE WOULD HAVE TOLDME, NO, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.
- 00:12:55.401 --> 00:12:57.069
- ME, NO, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.BUT AS I LEARNED TO PROCESS ALL
- 00:12:57.069 --> 00:12:58.171
- BUT AS I LEARNED TO PROCESS ALLTHAT PAIN IN GOD'S PRESENCE,
- 00:12:58.171 --> 00:12:59.972
- THAT PAIN IN GOD'S PRESENCE,IT'S NOT AN OPEN WOUND ANYMORE.
- 00:12:59.972 --> 00:13:01.541
- IT'S NOT AN OPEN WOUND ANYMORE.IT'S A SCAR.
- 00:13:01.541 --> 00:13:03.743
- IT'S A SCAR.AND TO ME A SCAR IS PROOF THAT
- 00:13:03.743 --> 00:13:05.444
- AND TO ME A SCAR IS PROOF THATGOD HEALS.
- 00:13:05.444 --> 00:13:06.712
- GOD HEALS.IT DOESN'T HURT AS MUCH ANYMORE.
- 00:13:06.712 --> 00:13:07.713
- IT DOESN'T HURT AS MUCH ANYMORE.IT'S STILL THERE.
- 00:13:07.713 --> 00:13:09.448
- IT'S STILL THERE.YOU SEE IT.
- 00:13:09.448 --> 00:13:10.483
- YOU SEE IT.BUT I OFTEN THINK OF THE FACT
- 00:13:10.483 --> 00:13:13.419
- BUT I OFTEN THINK OF THE FACTTHAT CHRIST COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO
- 00:13:13.419 --> 00:13:14.720
- THAT CHRIST COULD HAVE CHOSEN TORISE FROM THE DEAD AND NOT ONLY
- 00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:16.789
- RISE FROM THE DEAD AND NOT ONLYLEAVE THE CLOTHS HE WAS WRAPPED
- 00:13:16.789 --> 00:13:19.058
- LEAVE THE CLOTHS HE WAS WRAPPEDIN IN THE TOMB, HE COULD HAVE
- 00:13:19.058 --> 00:13:20.359
- IN IN THE TOMB, HE COULD HAVELEFT THE SCARS AS WELL.
- 00:13:20.359 --> 00:13:21.627
- LEFT THE SCARS AS WELL.BUT HE DIDN'T.
- 00:13:21.627 --> 00:13:22.361
- BUT HE DIDN'T.HE KEPT THE MARKS OF
- 00:13:22.361 --> 00:13:24.764
- HE KEPT THE MARKS OFCRUCIFIXION.
- 00:13:24.764 --> 00:13:26.732
- CRUCIFIXION.IN OUR ETERNAL HOME, TO ME THE
- 00:13:26.732 --> 00:13:29.135
- IN OUR ETERNAL HOME, TO ME THEONLY SIGNS OF HUMAN PAIN WILL
- 00:13:29.135 --> 00:13:31.971
- ONLY SIGNS OF HUMAN PAIN WILLSTILL BE THE SCARS OF CHRIST.
- 00:13:31.971 --> 00:13:34.040
- STILL BE THE SCARS OF CHRIST.AND I THINK IF HE'S OUR
- 00:13:34.040 --> 00:13:36.342
- AND I THINK IF HE'S OURSHEPHERD.
- 00:13:36.342 --> 00:13:37.076
- SHEPHERD.IF HE IS THE ONE THAT'S GONNA
- 00:13:37.076 --> 00:13:38.110
- IF HE IS THE ONE THAT'S GONNAWALK YOU AND ME ALL THE WAY
- 00:13:38.110 --> 00:13:39.712
- WALK YOU AND ME ALL THE WAYHOME.
- 00:13:39.712 --> 00:13:41.180
- HOME.AND HE CHOSE TO KEEP THESE
- 00:13:41.180 --> 00:13:43.149
- AND HE CHOSE TO KEEP THESESCARS.
- 00:13:43.149 --> 00:13:44.317
- SCARS.THEN WE CAN LEARN TO BRING OUR
- 00:13:44.317 --> 00:13:46.185
- THEN WE CAN LEARN TO BRING OURWOUNDS TO HIM.
- 00:13:46.185 --> 00:13:47.887
- WOUNDS TO HIM.AND OVER TIME ALLOW HIM TO BRING
- 00:13:47.887 --> 00:13:50.156
- AND OVER TIME ALLOW HIM TO BRINGENOUGH HEALING.
- 00:13:50.156 --> 00:13:51.324
- ENOUGH HEALING.I WAS SPEAKING AT A WOMAN'S
- 00:13:51.324 --> 00:13:53.059
- I WAS SPEAKING AT A WOMAN'SCONFERENCE BACK WHEN WE COULD
- 00:13:53.059 --> 00:13:53.659
- CONFERENCE BACK WHEN WE COULDSTILL SPEAK AT WOMEN'S
- 00:13:53.659 --> 00:13:54.894
- STILL SPEAK AT WOMEN'SCONFERENCES.
- 00:13:54.894 --> 00:13:56.729
- CONFERENCES.I NOTICED THERE WAS ONE
- 00:13:56.729 --> 00:13:58.197
- I NOTICED THERE WAS ONEGENTLEMAN IN THE AUDIENCE.
- 00:13:58.197 --> 00:13:59.298
- GENTLEMAN IN THE AUDIENCE.I WONDERED IF HE WAS MAYBE THE
- 00:13:59.298 --> 00:14:00.766
- I WONDERED IF HE WAS MAYBE THEPASTOR AND HE JUST WANTED TO
- 00:14:00.766 --> 00:14:01.467
- PASTOR AND HE JUST WANTED TOHEAR WHAT I WAS SHARING WITH
- 00:14:01.467 --> 00:14:02.702
- HEAR WHAT I WAS SHARING WITHTHESE WOMEN.
- 00:14:02.702 --> 00:14:03.903
- THESE WOMEN.BUT AT THE END WHEN EVERYTHING
- 00:14:03.903 --> 00:14:04.837
- BUT AT THE END WHEN EVERYTHINGWAS OVER AND EVERYONE ELSE HAD
- 00:14:04.837 --> 00:14:06.439
- WAS OVER AND EVERYONE ELSE HADGONE HOME, HE WAS STILL THERE
- 00:14:06.439 --> 00:14:07.740
- GONE HOME, HE WAS STILL THEREAND HE WAS STANDING WITH A
- 00:14:07.740 --> 00:14:09.041
- AND HE WAS STANDING WITH ABEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL WHICH I
- 00:14:09.041 --> 00:14:09.842
- BEAUTIFUL YOUNG GIRL WHICH ILEARNED WAS HIS DAUGHTER.
- 00:14:09.842 --> 00:14:11.143
- LEARNED WAS HIS DAUGHTER.HE CAME OVER TO ME AND HE TURNED
- 00:14:11.143 --> 00:14:12.111
- HE CAME OVER TO ME AND HE TURNEDHIS WHOLE FACE.
- 00:14:12.111 --> 00:14:15.248
- HIS WHOLE FACE.I SAW HALF OF HIS FACE WAS
- 00:14:15.248 --> 00:14:19.118
- I SAW HALF OF HIS FACE WASPRETTY MUCH GONE AND HE SAID TO
- 00:14:19.118 --> 00:14:20.586
- PRETTY MUCH GONE AND HE SAID TOME THAT WHEN HE WAS 15 YEARS OLD
- 00:14:20.586 --> 00:14:22.255
- ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 15 YEARS OLDHE WAS GOING THROUGH A TIME OF
- 00:14:22.255 --> 00:14:24.557
- HE WAS GOING THROUGH A TIME OFINCREDIBLE AGONY AND SUICIDAL
- 00:14:24.557 --> 00:14:26.125
- INCREDIBLE AGONY AND SUICIDALDESPAIR, AND HE TOOK A GUN AND
- 00:14:26.125 --> 00:14:27.994
- DESPAIR, AND HE TOOK A GUN ANDHE PUT IT UNDER HIS CHIN AND HE
- 00:14:27.994 --> 00:14:29.295
- HE PUT IT UNDER HIS CHIN AND HESAID IN THAT MILLISECOND BETWEEN
- 00:14:29.295 --> 00:14:31.397
- SAID IN THAT MILLISECOND BETWEENWHEN HIS FINGER PRESSED THE
- 00:14:31.397 --> 00:14:32.531
- WHEN HIS FINGER PRESSED THETRIGGER AND THE BULLET WENT INTO
- 00:14:32.531 --> 00:14:35.001
- TRIGGER AND THE BULLET WENT INTOHIS BRAIN, HE HEARD CHRIST SAY,
- 00:14:35.001 --> 00:14:37.436
- HIS BRAIN, HE HEARD CHRIST SAY,DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?
- 00:14:37.436 --> 00:14:41.274
- DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?AND HE SAID, YES.
- 00:14:41.274 --> 00:14:42.041
- AND HE SAID, YES.AND HE IS NOW MARRIED WITH THREE
- 00:14:42.041 --> 00:14:42.642
- AND HE IS NOW MARRIED WITH THREECHILDREN.
- 00:14:42.642 --> 00:14:43.809
- CHILDREN.I ASKED HIM THIS.
- 00:14:43.809 --> 00:14:45.444
- I ASKED HIM THIS.I SAID, WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE
- 00:14:45.444 --> 00:14:46.879
- I SAID, WHEN YOU LOOK IN THEMIRROR, IS THAT A DAILY REMINDER
- 00:14:46.879 --> 00:14:49.682
- MIRROR, IS THAT A DAILY REMINDEROF A PROCHOICE YOU MADE?
- 00:14:49.682 --> 00:14:52.385
- OF A PROCHOICE YOU MADE?HE SAID, NO, NO, SHEILA.
- 00:14:52.385 --> 00:14:53.152
- HE SAID, NO, NO, SHEILA.MY SCARS ARE A DAILY REMINDER OF
- 00:14:53.152 --> 00:14:55.454
- MY SCARS ARE A DAILY REMINDER OFTHE GRACE OF GOD.
- 00:14:55.454 --> 00:14:57.089
- THE GRACE OF GOD.I HAVE THIS LIFE.
- 00:14:57.089 --> 00:14:58.157
- I HAVE THIS LIFE.AND NOW HE SPENDS HIS WHOLE LIFE
- 00:14:58.157 --> 00:15:00.426
- AND NOW HE SPENDS HIS WHOLE LIFEMINISTERING TO TEENAGERS WHO ARE
- 00:15:00.426 --> 00:15:01.727
- MINISTERING TO TEENAGERS WHO ARESTRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS.
- 00:15:01.727 --> 00:15:05.464
- STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS.THERE'S SOMETHING REDEMPTIVE,
- 00:15:05.464 --> 00:15:06.933
- THERE'S SOMETHING REDEMPTIVE,EVERYTHING ABOUT GOD IS
- 00:15:06.933 --> 00:15:08.467
- EVERYTHING ABOUT GOD ISREDEMPTIVE.
- 00:15:08.467 --> 00:15:10.102
- REDEMPTIVE.BUT THERE'S SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL
- 00:15:10.102 --> 00:15:11.404
- BUT THERE'S SOMETHING BEAUTIFULHE WILL DO WITH OUR WOUNDS.
- 00:15:11.404 --> 00:15:13.072
- HE WILL DO WITH OUR WOUNDS.AND WHEN THEY BECOME SCARS THEY
- 00:15:13.072 --> 00:15:14.140
- AND WHEN THEY BECOME SCARS THEYARE PROOF TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT
- 00:15:14.140 --> 00:15:16.709
- ARE PROOF TO OTHER PEOPLE THATGOD HEALS.
- 00:15:16.709 --> 00:15:21.580
- GOD HEALS.- Laurie: THAT IS SO GOOD.
- 00:15:21.580 --> 00:15:24.116
- - Laurie: THAT IS SO GOOD.THAT IS A PARADIGM SHIFT OF YOUR
- 00:15:24.116 --> 00:15:26.719
- THAT IS A PARADIGM SHIFT OF YOURMIND AND OF YOUR THINKING OF THE
- 00:15:26.719 --> 00:15:29.188
- MIND AND OF YOUR THINKING OF THEGRATEFULNESS THAT COMES OUT AT
- 00:15:29.188 --> 00:15:31.357
- GRATEFULNESS THAT COMES OUT ATTIMES LIKE THAT.
- 00:15:31.357 --> 00:15:33.225
- TIMES LIKE THAT.WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT A LOSS LIKE
- 00:15:33.225 --> 00:15:36.028
- WHEN YOU HEAR ABOUT A LOSS LIKEKAYLA, THAT COULD JUST RIP MY
- 00:15:36.028 --> 00:15:39.832
- KAYLA, THAT COULD JUST RIP MYHEART OUT, OR A LOSS OF A CHILD,
- 00:15:39.832 --> 00:15:42.001
- HEART OUT, OR A LOSS OF A CHILD,YOU THINK OF WHAT'S MISSING NOW,
- 00:15:42.001 --> 00:15:46.205
- YOU THINK OF WHAT'S MISSING NOW,BUT THEN TO TURN THAT AROUND AND
- 00:15:46.205 --> 00:15:49.475
- BUT THEN TO TURN THAT AROUND ANDTO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE TWO YEARS
- 00:15:49.475 --> 00:15:51.477
- TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE TWO YEARSTHAT I HAD WITH THAT BABY OR THE
- 00:15:51.477 --> 00:15:53.412
- THAT I HAD WITH THAT BABY OR THEFEW MONTHS THAT THAT BABY GOT TO
- 00:15:53.412 --> 00:15:54.847
- FEW MONTHS THAT THAT BABY GOT TOCHANGE MY LIFE AND NOW HE'S WITH
- 00:15:54.847 --> 00:15:56.749
- CHANGE MY LIFE AND NOW HE'S WITHTHE LORD, THAT KIND OF STUFF IS
- 00:15:56.749 --> 00:16:00.019
- THE LORD, THAT KIND OF STUFF ISGOD'S GRACE FOR THE TIME WHEN WE
- 00:16:00.019 --> 00:16:01.354
- GOD'S GRACE FOR THE TIME WHEN WENEED IT, THAT'S GOD'S GRACE FOR
- 00:16:01.354 --> 00:16:02.421
- NEED IT, THAT'S GOD'S GRACE FORTHE DAY.
- 00:16:02.421 --> 00:16:06.192
- THE DAY.AND ALL OF THAT.
- 00:16:06.192 --> 00:16:08.561
- AND ALL OF THAT.BUT, THE OTHER DAY I WAS
- 00:16:08.561 --> 00:16:09.862
- BUT, THE OTHER DAY I WASTHINKING ABOUT SOMETHING, JUST
- 00:16:09.862 --> 00:16:11.464
- THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING, JUSTMY ONLY PERSONAL LIFE, NO BIG
- 00:16:11.464 --> 00:16:12.331
- MY ONLY PERSONAL LIFE, NO BIGDEAL.
- 00:16:12.331 --> 00:16:13.766
- DEAL.IT WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO.
- 00:16:13.766 --> 00:16:17.703
- IT WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO.SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T DO THAT I
- 00:16:17.703 --> 00:16:18.904
- SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T DO THAT IWOULD LOVE TO DO.
- 00:16:18.904 --> 00:16:20.373
- WOULD LOVE TO DO.SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET REAL
- 00:16:20.373 --> 00:16:21.707
- SO I MIGHT AS WELL GET REALSINCE WE DO THAT ON "BETTER
- 00:16:21.707 --> 00:16:22.375
- SINCE WE DO THAT ON "BETTERTOGETHER."
- 00:16:22.375 --> 00:16:25.277
- TOGETHER."I LOVE TO PLAY THE PIANO.
- 00:16:25.277 --> 00:16:27.146
- I LOVE TO PLAY THE PIANO.AND I'VE GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL
- 00:16:27.146 --> 00:16:28.247
- AND I'VE GOT THIS BEAUTIFULPIANO MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME YEARS
- 00:16:28.247 --> 00:16:30.783
- PIANO MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME YEARSAGO.
- 00:16:30.783 --> 00:16:32.051
- AGO.AND I WILL NOT PLAY THAT PIANO
- 00:16:32.051 --> 00:16:32.985
- AND I WILL NOT PLAY THAT PIANOIN FRONT OF ANYBODY BUT MY
- 00:16:32.985 --> 00:16:34.020
- IN FRONT OF ANYBODY BUT MYCHILDREN AND MY HUSBAND.
- 00:16:34.020 --> 00:16:34.954
- CHILDREN AND MY HUSBAND.IF THEY ARE IN THE HOUSE, IT'S
- 00:16:34.954 --> 00:16:36.155
- IF THEY ARE IN THE HOUSE, IT'SALL RIGHT.
- 00:16:36.155 --> 00:16:39.992
- ALL RIGHT.BUT I JUST-- THERE IS LIKE, ALL
- 00:16:39.992 --> 00:16:43.396
- BUT I JUST-- THERE IS LIKE, ALLOF MY FAMILY, THERE ARE THESE
- 00:16:43.396 --> 00:16:47.733
- OF MY FAMILY, THERE ARE THESEAMAZING MUSICIANS.
- 00:16:47.733 --> 00:16:49.535
- AMAZING MUSICIANS.AND MY BROTHER CAN PICK UP ANY
- 00:16:49.535 --> 00:16:52.171
- AND MY BROTHER CAN PICK UP ANYMUSICAL INSTRUMENTS AND PLAY IT.
- 00:16:52.171 --> 00:16:54.206
- MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS AND PLAY IT.IT'S NATURAL FOR HIM.
- 00:16:54.206 --> 00:16:58.711
- IT'S NATURAL FOR HIM.AND I AM THE FRUSTRATED LITTLE
- 00:16:58.711 --> 00:17:00.179
- AND I AM THE FRUSTRATED LITTLESISTER WHO JUST SEEMS LIKE
- 00:17:00.179 --> 00:17:02.248
- SISTER WHO JUST SEEMS LIKETHERE'S A LITTLE SWITCH IN MY
- 00:17:02.248 --> 00:17:03.416
- THERE'S A LITTLE SWITCH IN MYBRAIN THAT HAS NOT EVER FLIPPED.
- 00:17:03.416 --> 00:17:05.418
- BRAIN THAT HAS NOT EVER FLIPPED.DOES ANYBODY EVER DO THAT?
- 00:17:05.418 --> 00:17:07.953
- DOES ANYBODY EVER DO THAT?I JUST DON'T GET IT BUT I CAN
- 00:17:07.953 --> 00:17:10.423
- I JUST DON'T GET IT BUT I CANPLAY A LITTLE BIT BUT I CAN'T
- 00:17:10.423 --> 00:17:13.059
- PLAY A LITTLE BIT BUT I CAN'TREAD MUSIC, GOD HELP ME.
- 00:17:13.059 --> 00:17:15.428
- READ MUSIC, GOD HELP ME.BUT THAT'S ONE DESIRE THAT I
- 00:17:15.428 --> 00:17:17.963
- BUT THAT'S ONE DESIRE THAT IJUST WISH-- THE OTHER DAY, I'M
- 00:17:17.963 --> 00:17:19.698
- JUST WISH-- THE OTHER DAY, I'MTHINKING ABOUT IT AND I'M GOING
- 00:17:19.698 --> 00:17:21.901
- THINKING ABOUT IT AND I'M GOINGON MY MERRY WAY AND THE LORD
- 00:17:21.901 --> 00:17:22.701
- ON MY MERRY WAY AND THE LORDSAYS, YOU'VE NEVER ASKED ME TO
- 00:17:22.701 --> 00:17:26.272
- SAYS, YOU'VE NEVER ASKED ME TOHELP YOU.
- 00:17:26.272 --> 00:17:29.008
- HELP YOU.AND I THOUGHT, THAT WOULD SOUND
- 00:17:29.008 --> 00:17:30.309
- AND I THOUGHT, THAT WOULD SOUNDFUNNY THAT MAYBE I WOULD ASK YOU
- 00:17:30.309 --> 00:17:32.244
- FUNNY THAT MAYBE I WOULD ASK YOUTO HELP ME PLAY THE PIANO OR
- 00:17:32.244 --> 00:17:34.513
- TO HELP ME PLAY THE PIANO ORHELP THAT SWITCH FLIP.
- 00:17:34.513 --> 00:17:35.347
- HELP THAT SWITCH FLIP.HE SAID YOU HAVE NOT BECAUSE YOU
- 00:17:35.347 --> 00:17:36.215
- HE SAID YOU HAVE NOT BECAUSE YOUASK NOT.
- 00:17:36.215 --> 00:17:37.450
- ASK NOT.WE HEAR THAT SO MUCH.
- 00:17:37.450 --> 00:17:41.720
- WE HEAR THAT SO MUCH.BUT I THINK THAT THAT SCRIPTURE
- 00:17:41.720 --> 00:17:46.759
- BUT I THINK THAT THAT SCRIPTUREIN THESE AREAS OF GOD ASKING GOD
- 00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:49.862
- IN THESE AREAS OF GOD ASKING GODTO COME IN AND TO FILL THOSE
- 00:17:49.862 --> 00:17:51.330
- TO COME IN AND TO FILL THOSEWOUNDS, FILL THOSE EMPTY PLACES
- 00:17:51.330 --> 00:17:54.967
- WOUNDS, FILL THOSE EMPTY PLACESIN OUR LIVES WHERE, MAN, THERE
- 00:17:54.967 --> 00:17:58.437
- IN OUR LIVES WHERE, MAN, THEREIS A LOSS, THERE IS WOUND THAT'S
- 00:17:58.437 --> 00:17:59.939
- IS A LOSS, THERE IS WOUND THAT'STHE SIZE OF TEXAS AND TO ASK FOR
- 00:17:59.939 --> 00:18:04.710
- THE SIZE OF TEXAS AND TO ASK FORGOD'S HELP AND TO ASK FOR HIM TO
- 00:18:04.710 --> 00:18:07.113
- GOD'S HELP AND TO ASK FOR HIM TOFILL THOSE WOUNDS.
- 00:18:07.113 --> 00:18:11.417
- FILL THOSE WOUNDS.LESLIE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE TALKING
- 00:18:11.417 --> 00:18:13.953
- LESLIE, YOU KNOW, WE'RE TALKINGABOUT TRAUMA AND RECOVERY TODAY.
- 00:18:13.953 --> 00:18:16.722
- ABOUT TRAUMA AND RECOVERY TODAY.WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT DURING A
- 00:18:16.722 --> 00:18:19.625
- WHAT SHOULD WE EXPECT DURING ARECOVERY PROCESS GETTING PAST
- 00:18:19.625 --> 00:18:23.462
- RECOVERY PROCESS GETTING PASTTHE TRAUMA AND THE PAIN?
- 00:18:23.462 --> 00:18:24.230
- THE TRAUMA AND THE PAIN?- Leslie: WELL, LAURIE, THANK
- 00:18:24.230 --> 00:18:25.931
- - Leslie: WELL, LAURIE, THANKYOU FOR YOUR GENUINENESS.
- 00:18:25.931 --> 00:18:27.299
- YOU FOR YOUR GENUINENESS.THESE LOSSES.
- 00:18:27.299 --> 00:18:28.067
- THESE LOSSES.I'M REELING IN IT.
- 00:18:28.067 --> 00:18:29.435
- I'M REELING IN IT.THAT IS LIFE.
- 00:18:29.435 --> 00:18:31.937
- THAT IS LIFE.EVERY LIFE HOLDS TRAGEDY.
- 00:18:31.937 --> 00:18:33.606
- EVERY LIFE HOLDS TRAGEDY.ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IS SO
- 00:18:33.606 --> 00:18:34.940
- ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IS SOHELPFUL TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT
- 00:18:34.940 --> 00:18:37.643
- HELPFUL TO UNDERSTAND ABOUTTRAUMA AND THE WAY IT AFFECTS
- 00:18:37.643 --> 00:18:39.778
- TRAUMA AND THE WAY IT AFFECTSUS, WE DON'T NECESSARILY FEEL
- 00:18:39.778 --> 00:18:42.414
- US, WE DON'T NECESSARILY FEELTHE TRAUMA IN THE MOMENT WHERE
- 00:18:42.414 --> 00:18:45.251
- THE TRAUMA IN THE MOMENT WHEREWE ARE BEING WOUNDED.
- 00:18:45.251 --> 00:18:46.252
- WE ARE BEING WOUNDED.IN OTHER WORDS, SOMETIMES WE ARE
- 00:18:46.252 --> 00:18:47.453
- IN OTHER WORDS, SOMETIMES WE ARESUPER SURPRISED WHEN WE THINK
- 00:18:47.453 --> 00:18:48.654
- SUPER SURPRISED WHEN WE THINKWE'VE RECOVERED, WE'VE
- 00:18:48.654 --> 00:18:50.422
- WE'VE RECOVERED, WE'VEREGROUPED, WE'VE GONE ON WITH
- 00:18:50.422 --> 00:18:52.391
- REGROUPED, WE'VE GONE ON WITHLIFE AND OUT OF THE BLUE
- 00:18:52.391 --> 00:18:53.859
- LIFE AND OUT OF THE BLUESOMETHING TRIGGERS US AND ALL OF
- 00:18:53.859 --> 00:18:54.960
- SOMETHING TRIGGERS US AND ALL OFA SUDDEN NOW WE'RE FEELING THE
- 00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:56.228
- A SUDDEN NOW WE'RE FEELING THETRAUMA.
- 00:18:56.228 --> 00:18:58.097
- TRAUMA.WELL, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT GOD
- 00:18:58.097 --> 00:18:59.832
- WELL, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT GODHAS GIVEN US IS THE CAPACITY TO
- 00:18:59.832 --> 00:19:03.602
- HAS GIVEN US IS THE CAPACITY TOSURVIVE A CRISIS.
- 00:19:03.602 --> 00:19:04.703
- SURVIVE A CRISIS.IT IS NOT UNTIL WE'RE MORE WHOLE
- 00:19:04.703 --> 00:19:07.573
- IT IS NOT UNTIL WE'RE MORE WHOLEAND SETTLED IN SECURE, JUST LIKE
- 00:19:07.573 --> 00:19:09.008
- AND SETTLED IN SECURE, JUST LIKESOLDIERS WHO HAVE BEEN FIGHTING
- 00:19:09.008 --> 00:19:10.643
- SOLDIERS WHO HAVE BEEN FIGHTINGAND HAVE HAD TO COMPARTMENTALIZE
- 00:19:10.643 --> 00:19:11.844
- AND HAVE HAD TO COMPARTMENTALIZETRAUMA, THEY COME HOME AND IT'S
- 00:19:11.844 --> 00:19:13.445
- TRAUMA, THEY COME HOME AND IT'SNOT UNTIL THEY'RE TRULY SAFE
- 00:19:13.445 --> 00:19:15.648
- NOT UNTIL THEY'RE TRULY SAFETHAT THEY'RE ABLE TO START
- 00:19:15.648 --> 00:19:16.882
- THAT THEY'RE ABLE TO STARTDEALING WITH SOME OF THE
- 00:19:16.882 --> 00:19:18.250
- DEALING WITH SOME OF THEHEALING.
- 00:19:18.250 --> 00:19:19.285
- HEALING.AND THE SAME THINGS HAPPENS TO
- 00:19:19.285 --> 00:19:21.187
- AND THE SAME THINGS HAPPENS TOUS EMOTIONALLY.
- 00:19:21.187 --> 00:19:22.721
- US EMOTIONALLY.WE GET SHOCKED THAT OUT OF THE
- 00:19:22.721 --> 00:19:23.756
- WE GET SHOCKED THAT OUT OF THEBLUE SOMETHING CAN TRIGGER OUR
- 00:19:23.756 --> 00:19:24.924
- BLUE SOMETHING CAN TRIGGER OURTRAUMA.
- 00:19:24.924 --> 00:19:25.658
- TRAUMA.WE REALIZE THERE'S A LITTLE PART
- 00:19:25.658 --> 00:19:26.525
- WE REALIZE THERE'S A LITTLE PARTIN OUR BRAIN CALLED THE
- 00:19:26.525 --> 00:19:27.826
- IN OUR BRAIN CALLED THEAMYGDALA.
- 00:19:27.826 --> 00:19:30.029
- AMYGDALA.AND IT GETS HIJACKED AND WE
- 00:19:30.029 --> 00:19:30.896
- AND IT GETS HIJACKED AND WECAN'T FEEL THINGS RATIONALLY.
- 00:19:30.896 --> 00:19:34.066
- CAN'T FEEL THINGS RATIONALLY.OUR BODIES FEEL THE CRISIS.
- 00:19:34.066 --> 00:19:35.968
- OUR BODIES FEEL THE CRISIS.SO WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT MOMENT OF
- 00:19:35.968 --> 00:19:38.103
- SO WHEN YOU'RE IN THAT MOMENT OFHOLDING TRAUMA, BE GRACIOUS TO
- 00:19:38.103 --> 00:19:39.939
- HOLDING TRAUMA, BE GRACIOUS TOYOURSELF.
- 00:19:39.939 --> 00:19:41.607
- YOURSELF.DO THE THINGS THAT CALM YOUR
- 00:19:41.607 --> 00:19:44.510
- DO THE THINGS THAT CALM YOURSOUL AND AS WE'VE TALKED ABOUT,
- 00:19:44.510 --> 00:19:48.047
- SOUL AND AS WE'VE TALKED ABOUT,FIND A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN PUT
- 00:19:48.047 --> 00:19:51.183
- FIND A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN PUTTHAT RAW FEELING OUT IN A SAFE
- 00:19:51.183 --> 00:19:52.985
- THAT RAW FEELING OUT IN A SAFEWAY AND LET SOMEBODY HELP YOU
- 00:19:52.985 --> 00:19:56.088
- WAY AND LET SOMEBODY HELP YOUORGANIZE THOSE FILES.
- 00:19:56.088 --> 00:19:57.423
- ORGANIZE THOSE FILES.GOD'S SPIRIT WILL DO THAT, BUT
- 00:19:57.423 --> 00:19:58.958
- GOD'S SPIRIT WILL DO THAT, BUTDO THAT IN THE PRESENCE OF
- 00:19:58.958 --> 00:19:59.892
- DO THAT IN THE PRESENCE OFSOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU.
- 00:19:59.892 --> 00:20:03.095
- SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU.AND, THE MOST AMAZING THING IS,
- 00:20:03.095 --> 00:20:05.331
- AND, THE MOST AMAZING THING IS,KAYLA, I JUST HAVE TO SAY AS
- 00:20:05.331 --> 00:20:06.432
- KAYLA, I JUST HAVE TO SAY ASYOU'RE SHARING YOUR STORY, IN
- 00:20:06.432 --> 00:20:09.001
- YOU'RE SHARING YOUR STORY, INYOUR PAIN, YOU HAVE BECOME SO
- 00:20:09.001 --> 00:20:11.103
- YOUR PAIN, YOU HAVE BECOME SOGENEROUS.
- 00:20:11.103 --> 00:20:13.772
- GENEROUS.AND SHEILA, AS YOU'RE TALKING
- 00:20:13.772 --> 00:20:14.707
- AND SHEILA, AS YOU'RE TALKINGABOUT YOURS AND CHRYSTAL, YOUR
- 00:20:14.707 --> 00:20:17.710
- ABOUT YOURS AND CHRYSTAL, YOURLOSS AND TRULY, LAURIE, EVEN IN
- 00:20:17.710 --> 00:20:21.046
- LOSS AND TRULY, LAURIE, EVEN INYOUR LOSS OF BEING ABLE TO BE
- 00:20:21.046 --> 00:20:22.748
- YOUR LOSS OF BEING ABLE TO BEMUSICAL, WHICH, BY THE WAY, I
- 00:20:22.748 --> 00:20:23.882
- MUSICAL, WHICH, BY THE WAY, ICAN'T CARRY A TUNE, IN YOUR
- 00:20:23.882 --> 00:20:27.253
- CAN'T CARRY A TUNE, IN YOURPAIN, YOU'RE AUTHENTICITY IS
- 00:20:27.253 --> 00:20:27.987
- PAIN, YOU'RE AUTHENTICITY ISWHAT DRAWS ME TO YOU.
- 00:20:27.987 --> 00:20:29.154
- WHAT DRAWS ME TO YOU.I'M ALMOST NEVER DRAWN TO ANYONE
- 00:20:29.154 --> 00:20:30.489
- I'M ALMOST NEVER DRAWN TO ANYONEWHO'S PERFECT.
- 00:20:30.489 --> 00:20:31.690
- WHO'S PERFECT.I'M DRAWN TO PEOPLE WHO ARE
- 00:20:31.690 --> 00:20:34.960
- I'M DRAWN TO PEOPLE WHO AREAUTHENTIC.
- 00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:36.395
- AUTHENTIC.AND THAT IS LIKE A HIGHWAY FOR
- 00:20:36.395 --> 00:20:38.497
- AND THAT IS LIKE A HIGHWAY FORCONNECTION.
- 00:20:38.497 --> 00:20:39.865
- CONNECTION.AND THAT CREATES HEALING IN ME.
- 00:20:39.865 --> 00:20:40.799
- AND THAT CREATES HEALING IN ME.AND WITHOUT YOU EVEN KNOWING IT,
- 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:43.068
- AND WITHOUT YOU EVEN KNOWING IT,YOU'RE TRAUMA AND YOUR PAIN
- 00:20:43.068 --> 00:20:45.671
- YOU'RE TRAUMA AND YOUR PAINBECOMES A ROAD TO HEALING IN MY
- 00:20:45.671 --> 00:20:46.538
- BECOMES A ROAD TO HEALING IN MYHEART FOR MY OWN TRAUMA AND
- 00:20:46.538 --> 00:20:50.175
- HEART FOR MY OWN TRAUMA ANDPAIN.
- 00:20:50.175 --> 00:20:50.909
- PAIN.AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING GOD'S
- 00:20:50.909 --> 00:20:53.779
- AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING GOD'SCONNECTED US THAT WAY.
- 00:20:53.779 --> 00:20:58.150
- CONNECTED US THAT WAY.- Kayla: I LOVE THAT, LESLIE.
- 00:20:58.150 --> 00:20:59.351
- - Kayla: I LOVE THAT, LESLIE.AND I THINK THAT'S THE BEAUTIFUL
- 00:20:59.351 --> 00:21:00.853
- AND I THINK THAT'S THE BEAUTIFULMYSTERY OF PAIN IS THAT PAIN CAN
- 00:21:00.853 --> 00:21:01.887
- MYSTERY OF PAIN IS THAT PAIN CANBE BEAUTIFUL AND PAIN CAN BE
- 00:21:01.887 --> 00:21:03.155
- BE BEAUTIFUL AND PAIN CAN BEYOUR SUPER POWER.
- 00:21:03.155 --> 00:21:03.922
- YOUR SUPER POWER.AND THAT GOD CAN USE OUR PAIN TO
- 00:21:03.922 --> 00:21:04.657
- AND THAT GOD CAN USE OUR PAIN TOREACH INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN
- 00:21:04.657 --> 00:21:08.527
- REACH INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S PAINAND GOD CAN USE OUR PAIN TO BE A
- 00:21:08.527 --> 00:21:09.428
- AND GOD CAN USE OUR PAIN TO BE AFRIEND TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE
- 00:21:09.428 --> 00:21:11.063
- FRIEND TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARESITTING IN PAIN.
- 00:21:11.063 --> 00:21:12.298
- SITTING IN PAIN.AND I THINK WHAT'S BEEN SO
- 00:21:12.298 --> 00:21:14.600
- AND I THINK WHAT'S BEEN SOSPECIAL TO ME ON MY JOURNEY IS
- 00:21:14.600 --> 00:21:15.634
- SPECIAL TO ME ON MY JOURNEY ISTO SEE HOW GOD DID THAT RIGHT
- 00:21:15.634 --> 00:21:17.970
- TO SEE HOW GOD DID THAT RIGHTAWAY.
- 00:21:17.970 --> 00:21:19.271
- AWAY.I MEAN, IT WAS WITHIN DAYS OF
- 00:21:19.271 --> 00:21:21.240
- I MEAN, IT WAS WITHIN DAYS OFANDREW'S DEATH THAT GOD WAS
- 00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:22.941
- ANDREW'S DEATH THAT GOD WASALREADY AT WORK REDEEMING THE
- 00:21:22.941 --> 00:21:25.110
- ALREADY AT WORK REDEEMING THETRAGEDY, REDEEMING THE TRAUMA
- 00:21:25.110 --> 00:21:28.347
- TRAGEDY, REDEEMING THE TRAUMAAND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE WE WERE
- 00:21:28.347 --> 00:21:29.915
- AND IT WAS ALL BECAUSE WE WEREWILLING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT
- 00:21:29.915 --> 00:21:31.817
- WILLING TO TALK ABOUT WHATHAPPENED AND WE WERE WILLING TO
- 00:21:31.817 --> 00:21:32.785
- HAPPENED AND WE WERE WILLING TOSAY THE WORD SUICIDE AND WE WERE
- 00:21:32.785 --> 00:21:35.220
- SAY THE WORD SUICIDE AND WE WEREWILLING TO SHARE OUR PAIN WITH
- 00:21:35.220 --> 00:21:36.922
- WILLING TO SHARE OUR PAIN WITHOTHERS AND TO WRITE BLOGS, OUR
- 00:21:36.922 --> 00:21:38.357
- OTHERS AND TO WRITE BLOGS, OURWHOLE FAMILY, TO WRITE BLOGS AND
- 00:21:38.357 --> 00:21:39.725
- WHOLE FAMILY, TO WRITE BLOGS ANDTO SHARE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
- 00:21:39.725 --> 00:21:41.827
- TO SHARE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.AND I THINK THAT PAIN HAS BECOME
- 00:21:41.827 --> 00:21:43.429
- AND I THINK THAT PAIN HAS BECOMEMY PURPOSE NOW AS I MOVE
- 00:21:43.429 --> 00:21:45.431
- MY PURPOSE NOW AS I MOVEFORWARD.
- 00:21:45.431 --> 00:21:48.000
- FORWARD.AND FOR THE FIRST YEAR I HELD ON
- 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:49.702
- AND FOR THE FIRST YEAR I HELD ONTO THAT PAIN AND I WAS JUST SO
- 00:21:49.702 --> 00:21:53.439
- TO THAT PAIN AND I WAS JUST SOOVERCOME AND SO OVERTAKEN AND IN
- 00:21:53.439 --> 00:21:55.641
- OVERCOME AND SO OVERTAKEN AND INTHIS DARKNESS OF THE PAIN AND
- 00:21:55.641 --> 00:21:57.409
- THIS DARKNESS OF THE PAIN ANDNOW AS I'M MOVING FORWARD AND
- 00:21:57.409 --> 00:21:59.745
- NOW AS I'M MOVING FORWARD ANDI'M HEADED TOWARDS THE TWO-YEAR
- 00:21:59.745 --> 00:22:01.914
- I'M HEADED TOWARDS THE TWO-YEARMARK, IT'S LIKE NOW I HAVE THIS
- 00:22:01.914 --> 00:22:04.483
- MARK, IT'S LIKE NOW I HAVE THISREVERENCE AND THIS AWE AND
- 00:22:04.483 --> 00:22:06.919
- REVERENCE AND THIS AWE ANDRESPECT FOR THE PAIN.
- 00:22:06.919 --> 00:22:09.621
- RESPECT FOR THE PAIN.AND WHO IT'S MAKING ME BECOME
- 00:22:09.621 --> 00:22:11.690
- AND WHO IT'S MAKING ME BECOMEAND WHO I'M BECOMING BECAUSE OF
- 00:22:11.690 --> 00:22:13.258
- AND WHO I'M BECOMING BECAUSE OFTHE PAIN AND WHO IT'S PUSHING ME
- 00:22:13.258 --> 00:22:15.527
- THE PAIN AND WHO IT'S PUSHING METOWARDS BEING AND HOW IT'S
- 00:22:15.527 --> 00:22:16.495
- TOWARDS BEING AND HOW IT'SPUSHED ME TOWARDS GOD.
- 00:22:16.495 --> 00:22:19.298
- PUSHED ME TOWARDS GOD.THE PRESENCE OF GOD AFTER PAIN,
- 00:22:19.298 --> 00:22:22.568
- THE PRESENCE OF GOD AFTER PAIN,I MISS, I MISS THAT INTIMACY
- 00:22:22.568 --> 00:22:24.169
- I MISS, I MISS THAT INTIMACYTHAT I HAD WITH GOD RIGHT AFTER
- 00:22:24.169 --> 00:22:25.971
- THAT I HAD WITH GOD RIGHT AFTERANDREW DIED.
- 00:22:25.971 --> 00:22:27.940
- ANDREW DIED.LIKE, GOD WAS SO NEAR AND HE WAS
- 00:22:27.940 --> 00:22:29.174
- LIKE, GOD WAS SO NEAR AND HE WASSO CLOSE.
- 00:22:29.174 --> 00:22:30.476
- SO CLOSE.LIKE THAT VERSE SAYS, THE LORD
- 00:22:30.476 --> 00:22:32.044
- LIKE THAT VERSE SAYS, THE LORDIS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTED
- 00:22:32.044 --> 00:22:33.412
- IS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTEDAND COMFORTS THOSE WHO ARE
- 00:22:33.412 --> 00:22:34.680
- AND COMFORTS THOSE WHO ARECRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
- 00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:35.681
- CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.IT'S JUST SO TRUE AND GOD WAS SO
- 00:22:35.681 --> 00:22:38.050
- IT'S JUST SO TRUE AND GOD WAS SOCLOSE AND I FELT HIS PRESENCE SO
- 00:22:38.050 --> 00:22:39.651
- CLOSE AND I FELT HIS PRESENCE SOTANGIBLY.
- 00:22:39.651 --> 00:22:42.287
- TANGIBLY.NOW I FIND MYSELF MISSING-- I
- 00:22:42.287 --> 00:22:44.490
- NOW I FIND MYSELF MISSING-- IMISS THAT CLOSENESS WITH GOD AND
- 00:22:44.490 --> 00:22:47.126
- MISS THAT CLOSENESS WITH GOD ANDI'M SO GRATEFUL THAT I HAD THAT
- 00:22:47.126 --> 00:22:49.194
- I'M SO GRATEFUL THAT I HAD THATAND THAT WAS MY MANNA THAT I
- 00:22:49.194 --> 00:22:51.029
- AND THAT WAS MY MANNA THAT INEEDED FOR THAT SEASON AND NOW
- 00:22:51.029 --> 00:22:53.432
- NEEDED FOR THAT SEASON AND NOWAS I'M MOVING IT'S LIKE I CAN
- 00:22:53.432 --> 00:22:55.067
- AS I'M MOVING IT'S LIKE I CANLOOK BACK AND I KNOW GOD WAS
- 00:22:55.067 --> 00:22:57.503
- LOOK BACK AND I KNOW GOD WASWITH ME BEFORE ANDREW DIED.
- 00:22:57.503 --> 00:22:59.738
- WITH ME BEFORE ANDREW DIED.I KNOW GOD WAS WITH ME AFTER,
- 00:22:59.738 --> 00:23:01.173
- I KNOW GOD WAS WITH ME AFTER,RIGHT AFTER ANDREW DIED.
- 00:23:01.173 --> 00:23:03.075
- RIGHT AFTER ANDREW DIED.AND I KNOW GOD IS WITH ME NOW AS
- 00:23:03.075 --> 00:23:04.076
- AND I KNOW GOD IS WITH ME NOW ASI CONTINUE MOVING FORWARD WITH
- 00:23:04.076 --> 00:23:08.113
- I CONTINUE MOVING FORWARD WITHMY PAIN AND CONTINUE LEARNING
- 00:23:08.113 --> 00:23:09.248
- MY PAIN AND CONTINUE LEARNINGWHAT TO DO WITH MY PAIN AND HOW
- 00:23:09.248 --> 00:23:13.886
- WHAT TO DO WITH MY PAIN AND HOWTO LIVE WITH THIS PAIN.
- 00:23:13.886 --> 00:23:15.020
- TO LIVE WITH THIS PAIN.BECAUSE THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BE
- 00:23:15.020 --> 00:23:17.122
- BECAUSE THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BETHERE.
- 00:23:17.122 --> 00:23:17.689
- THERE.LIKE WE SAID BEFORE.
- 00:23:17.689 --> 00:23:18.390
- LIKE WE SAID BEFORE.THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BE A PART
- 00:23:18.390 --> 00:23:19.825
- THE PAIN WILL ALWAYS BE A PARTOF MY LIFE AND A PART OF MY
- 00:23:19.825 --> 00:23:21.293
- OF MY LIFE AND A PART OF MYCHILDREN'S LIFE AND SO, IT'S
- 00:23:21.293 --> 00:23:22.461
- CHILDREN'S LIFE AND SO, IT'SLEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH THAT
- 00:23:22.461 --> 00:23:26.165
- LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH THATPAIN AND BUILDING A BEAUTIFUL
- 00:23:26.165 --> 00:23:30.536
- PAIN AND BUILDING A BEAUTIFULLIFE AROUND IT AND I TRULY
- 00:23:30.536 --> 00:23:32.337
- LIFE AROUND IT AND I TRULYBELIEVE WITH GOD, THAT BUILDING
- 00:23:32.337 --> 00:23:33.405
- BELIEVE WITH GOD, THAT BUILDINGA BEAUTIFUL LIFE IS POSSIBLE.
- 00:23:33.405 --> 00:23:34.273
- A BEAUTIFUL LIFE IS POSSIBLE.AND SO I WANT TO PRAY FOR OUR
- 00:23:34.273 --> 00:23:35.073
- AND SO I WANT TO PRAY FOR OURFRIENDS THAT ARE SITTING IN
- 00:23:35.073 --> 00:23:35.808
- FRIENDS THAT ARE SITTING INTRAUMA OR SITTING IN GRIEF OR
- 00:23:35.808 --> 00:23:37.242
- TRAUMA OR SITTING IN GRIEF ORSITTING IN LOSS AND ARE
- 00:23:37.242 --> 00:23:38.444
- SITTING IN LOSS AND ARESTRUGGLING TO SEE THE BEAUTY IN
- 00:23:38.444 --> 00:23:40.479
- STRUGGLING TO SEE THE BEAUTY INIT AND ARE STRUGGLING TO FIND
- 00:23:40.479 --> 00:23:42.281
- IT AND ARE STRUGGLING TO FINDGOD IN IT AND ARE OVERWHELMED
- 00:23:42.281 --> 00:23:44.082
- GOD IN IT AND ARE OVERWHELMEDWITH PAIN, LET'S PRAY TOGETHER.
- 00:23:44.082 --> 00:23:45.818
- WITH PAIN, LET'S PRAY TOGETHER.GOD, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR
- 00:23:45.818 --> 00:23:46.485
- GOD, I THANK YOU FOR YOURPRESENCE.
- 00:23:46.485 --> 00:23:50.055
- PRESENCE.I THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMFORT.
- 00:23:50.055 --> 00:23:52.958
- I THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMFORT.I THANK YOU FOR YOUR PEACE.
- 00:23:52.958 --> 00:23:54.827
- I THANK YOU FOR YOUR PEACE.GOD, I THANK YOU THAT YOU KNOW
- 00:23:54.827 --> 00:23:57.162
- GOD, I THANK YOU THAT YOU KNOWTHE PAIN BECAUSE YOU LIVED THE
- 00:23:57.162 --> 00:23:58.163
- THE PAIN BECAUSE YOU LIVED THEPAIN, GOD, YOU SENT YOUR SON
- 00:23:58.163 --> 00:24:00.065
- PAIN, GOD, YOU SENT YOUR SONJESUS TO SAVE US ALL FOREVER,
- 00:24:00.065 --> 00:24:01.733
- JESUS TO SAVE US ALL FOREVER,LORD, AND THAT HE ENDURED THE
- 00:24:01.733 --> 00:24:03.869
- LORD, AND THAT HE ENDURED THEMOST AMOUNT OF PAIN, GOD, AND HE
- 00:24:03.869 --> 00:24:05.871
- MOST AMOUNT OF PAIN, GOD, AND HEUNDERSTANDS OUR PAIN.
- 00:24:05.871 --> 00:24:07.873
- UNDERSTANDS OUR PAIN.AND WE SERVE A GOD THAT
- 00:24:07.873 --> 00:24:08.674
- AND WE SERVE A GOD THATUNDERSTANDS OUR PAIN, GOD AND
- 00:24:08.674 --> 00:24:11.610
- UNDERSTANDS OUR PAIN, GOD ANDI'M SO GRATEFUL, SO LORD, I PRAY
- 00:24:11.610 --> 00:24:13.178
- I'M SO GRATEFUL, SO LORD, I PRAYFOR OUR FRIENDS WHO ARE SITTING
- 00:24:13.178 --> 00:24:14.947
- FOR OUR FRIENDS WHO ARE SITTINGIN THE TRENCHES OF IT RIGHT NOW.
- 00:24:14.947 --> 00:24:16.949
- IN THE TRENCHES OF IT RIGHT NOW.GOD, WHERE IT'S A DARK CLOUD AND
- 00:24:16.949 --> 00:24:19.751
- GOD, WHERE IT'S A DARK CLOUD ANDTHEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THE LIGHT
- 00:24:19.751 --> 00:24:21.553
- THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THE LIGHTIS GOING TO BREAK THROUGH AND
- 00:24:21.553 --> 00:24:23.021
- IS GOING TO BREAK THROUGH ANDTHEY'RE SEARCHING FOR IT AND
- 00:24:23.021 --> 00:24:24.423
- THEY'RE SEARCHING FOR IT ANDTHEY'RE LOOKING FOR YOU AND
- 00:24:24.423 --> 00:24:25.624
- THEY'RE LOOKING FOR YOU ANDTHEY'RE WANTING THE LIGHT TO
- 00:24:25.624 --> 00:24:26.825
- THEY'RE WANTING THE LIGHT TOBREAK THROUGH, GOD, AND I PRAY
- 00:24:26.825 --> 00:24:27.960
- BREAK THROUGH, GOD, AND I PRAYTHAT YOU WOULD JUST BREAK
- 00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:29.161
- THAT YOU WOULD JUST BREAKTHROUGH TO THEM.
- 00:24:29.161 --> 00:24:30.429
- THROUGH TO THEM.I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD SEND
- 00:24:30.429 --> 00:24:31.730
- I PRAY THAT YOU WOULD SENDSOMEBODY TO DROP OFF A MEAL,
- 00:24:31.730 --> 00:24:33.398
- SOMEBODY TO DROP OFF A MEAL,THAT YOU WOULD SEND A TEXT
- 00:24:33.398 --> 00:24:35.133
- THAT YOU WOULD SEND A TEXTMESSAGE, THAT YOU WOULD SEND A
- 00:24:35.133 --> 00:24:36.768
- MESSAGE, THAT YOU WOULD SEND AWORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT, MAYBE
- 00:24:36.768 --> 00:24:39.171
- WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT, MAYBETHROUGH A PODCAST OR A SONG OR A
- 00:24:39.171 --> 00:24:41.373
- THROUGH A PODCAST OR A SONG OR ASCRIPTURE THAT THEY WOULD JUST
- 00:24:41.373 --> 00:24:42.608
- SCRIPTURE THAT THEY WOULD JUSTKNOW THAT YOU ARE NEAR.
- 00:24:42.608 --> 00:24:43.876
- KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEAR.AND THAT YOU CARE.
- 00:24:43.876 --> 00:24:46.845
- AND THAT YOU CARE.AND THAT THEY ARE NOT A BURDEN
- 00:24:46.845 --> 00:24:47.713
- AND THAT THEY ARE NOT A BURDENAND THAT THEY ARE NOT FORGOTTEN
- 00:24:47.713 --> 00:24:49.648
- AND THAT THEY ARE NOT FORGOTTENAND THAT THEIR PAIN WILL NOT
- 00:24:49.648 --> 00:24:51.183
- AND THAT THEIR PAIN WILL NOTLAST FOREVER, GOD, AND THAT YOU
- 00:24:51.183 --> 00:24:52.317
- LAST FOREVER, GOD, AND THAT YOUWANT TO INVADE THE PAIN WITH
- 00:24:52.317 --> 00:24:54.386
- WANT TO INVADE THE PAIN WITHYOUR PEACE.
- 00:24:54.386 --> 00:24:56.688
- YOUR PEACE.GOD, I THANK YOU FOR THAT HOPE.
- 00:24:56.688 --> 00:24:58.624
- GOD, I THANK YOU FOR THAT HOPE.I THANK YOU THAT WE HAVE HOPE.
- 00:24:58.624 --> 00:25:00.893
- I THANK YOU THAT WE HAVE HOPE.I THANK YOU THAT WE HAVE HEAVEN.
- 00:25:00.893 --> 00:25:03.462
- I THANK YOU THAT WE HAVE HEAVEN.I THANK YOU THAT THIS IS JUST
- 00:25:03.462 --> 00:25:04.630
- I THANK YOU THAT THIS IS JUSTTHE FIRST INCH OF LIFE AND THAT
- 00:25:04.630 --> 00:25:08.700
- THE FIRST INCH OF LIFE AND THATETERNAL JOY IS WAITING FOR US
- 00:25:08.700 --> 00:25:12.471
- ETERNAL JOY IS WAITING FOR USFOREVER, GOD, SO I PRAY THAT YOU
- 00:25:12.471 --> 00:25:13.238
- FOREVER, GOD, SO I PRAY THAT YOUWOULD HELP US CLING TO YOU WHEN
- 00:25:13.238 --> 00:25:13.972
- WOULD HELP US CLING TO YOU WHENWE ARE IN PAIN, THAT YOU WOULD
- 00:25:13.972 --> 00:25:16.141
- WE ARE IN PAIN, THAT YOU WOULDHELP US RUN TO YOU AND SIT WITH
- 00:25:16.141 --> 00:25:17.509
- HELP US RUN TO YOU AND SIT WITHYOU AND ASK FOR YOUR HELP, GOD.
- 00:25:17.509 --> 00:25:18.443
- YOU AND ASK FOR YOUR HELP, GOD.AND I THANK YOU FOR THE WAY THAT
- 00:25:18.443 --> 00:25:19.411
- AND I THANK YOU FOR THE WAY THATYOU ALWAYS COME THROUGH.
- 00:25:19.411 --> 00:25:21.313
- YOU ALWAYS COME THROUGH.IN YOUR MIGHTY NAME I PRAY,
- 00:25:21.313 --> 00:25:26.351
- IN YOUR MIGHTY NAME I PRAY,AMEN.
- 00:25:26.351 --> 00:25:28.921
- AMEN.- Laurie: AMEN.
- 00:25:28.921 --> 00:25:30.355
- - Laurie: AMEN.SO GOOD.
- 00:25:30.355 --> 00:25:30.923
- SO GOOD.THANK YOU, KAYLA.
- 00:25:30.923 --> 00:25:32.124
- THANK YOU, KAYLA.YOU KNOW OUR "BETTER TOGETHER"
- 00:25:32.124 --> 00:25:32.824
- YOU KNOW OUR "BETTER TOGETHER"COMMUNITY IS ALWAYS HERE FOR
- 00:25:32.824 --> 00:25:33.458
- COMMUNITY IS ALWAYS HERE FORYOU.
- 00:25:33.458 --> 00:25:34.159
- YOU.YOU CAN CONNECT WITH US ON
- 00:25:34.159 --> 00:25:34.927
- YOU CAN CONNECT WITH US ONSOCIAL MEDIA AND LET US KNOW HOW
- 00:25:34.927 --> 00:25:35.661
- SOCIAL MEDIA AND LET US KNOW HOWWE CAN PRAY FOR YOU.
- 00:25:35.661 --> 00:25:36.395
- WE CAN PRAY FOR YOU.THANK YOU FOR JOINING US TODAY.
- 00:25:36.395 --> 00:25:38.263
- THANK YOU FOR JOINING US TODAY.AS MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK
- 00:25:38.263 --> 00:25:40.899
- AS MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEKCOMES TO AN END, IT DOES NOT
- 00:25:40.899 --> 00:25:42.100
- COMES TO AN END, IT DOES NOTMEAN OUR WORK IS OVER.
- 00:25:42.100 --> 00:25:43.735
- MEAN OUR WORK IS OVER.TOGETHER WE CAN OFFER SUPPORT
- 00:25:43.735 --> 00:25:46.204
- TOGETHER WE CAN OFFER SUPPORTAND CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE.
- 00:25:46.204 --> 00:25:47.272
- AND CREATE POSITIVE CHANGE.TOMORROW WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT
- 00:25:47.272 --> 00:25:48.774
- TOMORROW WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUTHOW TO CONTINUE THIS
- 00:25:48.774 --> 00:25:51.076
- HOW TO CONTINUE THISCONVERSATION IN OUR HOMES, OUR
- 00:25:51.076 --> 00:25:52.277
- CONVERSATION IN OUR HOMES, OURCOMMUNITIES AND OUR CHURCHES.
- 00:25:52.277 --> 00:25:52.978
- COMMUNITIES AND OUR CHURCHES.WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
- 00:25:52.978 --> 00:25:55.514
- WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.WE LOVE YOU, BYE BYE.
- 00:25:55.514 --> 00:26:05.000