Better Together | How Caregivers Find Rest | TBN

Better Together | How Caregivers Find Rest

Watch Better Together | How Caregivers Find Rest
May 15, 2019
25:48

Don't get to the end of your rope. Let's talk how to find peace and purpose while caring for others. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Better Together | How Caregivers Find Rest

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  • - Has caring for others pushed you past your limit?
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  • We need to talk about how to find rest.
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  • (uplifting music)
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  • - Being a caregiver, which now, of course,
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  • people associate that with taking care
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  • of your parents.
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  • I mean, if you're giving care to anyone,
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  • you're a caregiver.
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  • But I think for me, while my parents
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  • are doing okay right now,
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  • I have, of course, my children who
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  • three of them are still in my home.
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  • I have grandchildren, and then my husband
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  • has a long list of health challenges.
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  • And so balancing that dynamic, you know,
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  • you want to honor your parents as you get older,
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  • but you want to honor your husband.
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  • And that dynamic of how to give care,
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  • while you have a million and ten thousand
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  • (laughing)
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  • - Yeah, right? - .23 things going on.
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  • It's like, okay, I wanna do the right thing,
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  • but honestly if I did what I think
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  • is the right thing all the time,
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  • I would be right there with him,
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  • you know what I mean?
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  • And so how can I honor my life and care enough
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  • for me without feeling guilty about that,
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  • so that there's enough in me to pour out
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  • to other people?
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  • And that's the big question.
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  • You know, moms will say to me, you know,
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  • how do I find any time for me?
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  • We have a generation, I think, where,
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  • of women that shamed me time and then
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  • you've got women who have too much me time.
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  • I mean, you know, the pendulum can swing
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  • in either direction.
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  • And one of the things that's helped me,
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  • I just constantly ask God to remind me
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  • that I'm His daughter too.
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  • So because He both wants me to give,
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  • He wants me to serve, He wants me to support,
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  • He wants me to do all these things,
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  • but He wants me to be able to do them.
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  • So God, lead me, Holy Spirit, to know today,
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  • what are the boundaries that I need to set today?
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  • What are the ways I need to give past
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  • how I feel today?
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  • And that changes from day to day,
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  • but just to be super practical,
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  • there are certain things that are super simple.
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  • I don't have to go to a spa, you know what I mean?
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  • Listen, the bathroom is a good hiding place.
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  • - Yes, that is a very good hiding place.
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  • - You know? And no matter how crazy the kid is
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  • or what they want, they can't really argue
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  • against the fact that I'm in the shower.
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  • So they're talking, and I'm like,
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  • I can't hear you, I'm in the shower!
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  • You know, but even for my husband
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  • or my grandchildren, my daughter,
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  • I'll say to them, you know, listen,
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  • can I do that later?
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  • I hear you.
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  • Can I do that tomorrow?
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  • To create the bandwidth that I need
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  • to be God's daughter right now.
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  • And I wish, you know, it would be magical, right,
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  • if we could give everyone a magic pill
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  • to say this is the exact recipe.
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  • But there isn't an exact recipe
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  • because you're not an exact replica.
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  • And your family is not an exact replica,
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  • your children are not.
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  • But the principle, that check in,
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  • to say, you know what, I have a Father
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  • who cares about me but who also
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  • has expectations of me.
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  • So what does He want me to do today?
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  • And just like with my own children,
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  • if they weren't sure, I'd say,
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  • well, all you have to do is ask.
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  • The Bible says that He will give wisdom
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  • to those who seek it.
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  • So I go to Him and ask Him how I can do that.
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  • But it does mean that sometimes I do feel bad.
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  • I mean, I do feel bad, because I can't be all things
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  • to all people all the time.
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  • It doesn't feel good to tell my kids,
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  • not right now, when they are
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  • desperately wanting my attention.
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  • It doesn't feel good to tell my husband,
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  • I would love to do that,
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  • can I do that tomorrow
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  • when he wants me to do it right now,
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  • when that's something that I need is a little space
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  • or rest or whatever.
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  • But the reality is, is if I responded to everything,
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  • even for the people I love, immediately
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  • and with all of me I'd be cracking at the seams,
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  • because it's not possible!
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  • It's not possible for me to be everything
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  • to everybody all of the time.
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  • One of the ways that I combat that feeling
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  • of guilt is by, first and foremost,
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  • not to over-spiritualize but it's true,
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  • I ask God, listen, I can do this or I can do this.
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  • Can you please lead me in knowing
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  • what's the most important priority right now?
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  • The second thing is I've got a great mom
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  • and a great sister and literally,
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  • sometimes I'll pick up the phone
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  • and say, am I being mean?
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  • Am I putting up a boundary
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  • that I shouldn't be putting up?
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  • Just to bounce my heart off of what's currently happening.
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  • And it's okay to need to bounce that stuff off of people.
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  • You wanna be good to your family, good to your people,
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  • but in order to pour out and pour out well,
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  • it's okay to be good to you, too.
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  • - Don't feel bad at all.
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  • (laughing)
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  • - Come on doctor, come on!
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  • - We don't need therapy!
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  • - Okay, I know, lay down right here.
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  • - How do you get around feeling bad?
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  • Because I just push past it.
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  • But how do you not feel bad?
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  • - I think society has put so many expectations
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  • on us as a mom, like we have to get 'em in basketball,
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  • we have to get 'em in football.
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  • - I don't feel bad about that.
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  • (laughing)
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  • I'm not going a little crazy over all the sports.
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  • - No, but you know, I'm just saying any activity.
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  • You know it's like, and that pressure comes on us
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  • to perform and society's told us okay,
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  • if you're not performing at this level,
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  • then you're failing at another level.
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  • And it's like, I don't want those pressures to perform.
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  • And I learned early on, no.
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  • - It's a good word and a complete sentence.
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  • (laughing)
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  • - No is so relaxing.
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  • No is so comforting.
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  • No is empowering.
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  • And when you can learn the art of saying no,
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  • I'm telling you, it gives value
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  • and it adds value to your life.
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  • It's like, even if your kids just want
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  • to go do something at a particular time,
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  • and if you need to take time for yourself, it's okay.
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  • Because if you aren't whole, if you aren't complete,
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  • you're not gonna be able to give that to your children.
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  • Somebody is gonna lack in some way.
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  • I learned saying no the easy way.
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  • I made a decision a long time ago
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  • that I wasn't going to allow anybody,
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  • whether it was my child, my husband, my momma and them,
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  • or whoever to control every aspect of my life.
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  • Because I understand that if I am not taken care of,
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  • I will not be able to take care of everybody else.
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  • The word no, practice that no.
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  • Just no.
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  • No is okay.
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  • It's so relaxing.
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  • It brings new life.
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  • It's empowering to be able to say no
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  • and enjoy.
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  • That's the way that you can enter into that rest
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  • that God has predestined for you to have.
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  • And I love how you've flipped the whole caregiving,
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  • because most people do think that a caregiver
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  • is just for somebody who's ailing.
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  • You know, it's like, for a sick mom or--
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  • - Right.
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  • - You are a caregiver of these little creatures--
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  • - Which is why when you have little kids,
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  • you have whole weeks of your life
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  • you don't know what you did.
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  • You are poured out.
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  • I mean, it is a caregiving season.
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  • - I think though, so many of our seasons are,
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  • it's just exactly what they are.
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  • They are seasons.
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  • There are seasons of absolute serving
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  • and that feels like all you do at that time.
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  • Sometimes those seem really long,
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  • but God always promises that this too shall pass.
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  • So I think we need to serve with all of our heart.
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  • I remember my little grandmother,
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  • I had two beautiful grandmothers,
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  • and my Grandma Lathan, she was 86, 87 years old.
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  • And she had a husband and I just remember her saying,
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  • well, you know, she says, I just serve him as unto the Lord.
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  • And so everything I do for him I just,
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  • I'm doing it for Jesus, and she had that little innocent,
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  • carefree, just showed us how to do that so well.
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  • You know, in serving him, and that's what the Bible says.
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  • We do it as unto the Lord.
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  • And I think in those times where we feel
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  • that a lot is asked of us,
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  • God sees every single thing we do.
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  • And if we can just keep it with the right attitude
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  • and the right serving heart,
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  • God will supply everything we need.
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  • God has not called us to fight.
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  • The only thing we're supposed to fight
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  • is the good fight of faith.
  • 00:09:01.130 --> 00:09:03.030
  • And the good fight of faith
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  • is resting in knowing that God has already done it.
  • 00:09:04.180 --> 00:09:09.070
  • God has already provided everything that we need.
  • 00:09:09.070 --> 00:09:12.220
  • God has already given us the tools in our hands right now.
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  • Everything to accomplish whatever He's called you to do,
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  • you have it in your hands right now.
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  • We call that the productivity of rest.
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  • Resting in knowing that God
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  • has got your life completely planned out.
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  • All we have to do is trust and obey.
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  • And walk in faith.
  • 00:09:32.210 --> 00:09:33.280
  • And sometimes, I'm not saying it's always easy,
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  • but I'm saying you can rest in what God's called you to do.
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  • And just know that He's in charge.
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  • God has got it together.
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  • Even when we don't.
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  • (quirky music)
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  • (no speech)
  • 00:09:48.110 --> 00:09:50.210
  • Have you missed an episode of Better Together?
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  • Download the TBN app to stream the latest conversations.
  • 00:10:28.170 --> 00:10:31.270
  • (soft music)
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  • - We get so stressed out too
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  • because we don't know how to say no,
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  • and we try to do everything for everybody.
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  • I know for me, I just got to the place
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  • where I am like, I must protect my peace.
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  • - Yes.
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  • - I must, because I love my friends, I love my family.
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  • I love hard, so if they call me, I'm there.
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  • - You want to, yeah, you want to be--
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  • - Ministry, work, if you call me,
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  • I am the most dependable person, I want you to know that.
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  • So for me, I did feel bad when I had to say no,
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  • I can't come to your party.
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  • Or no, I can't talk to you for an hour
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  • on the phone right now because my kids
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  • are finally asleep and all I need to do
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  • is sit in the bathtub and do nothing.
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  • There's so many different ways
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  • that I find me time as a caregiver to my children.
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  • I hide from them. (laughs)
  • 00:11:31.220 --> 00:11:35.170
  • No, I real life hide.
  • 00:11:36.170 --> 00:11:38.100
  • I will sit in the bathroom and they're like,
  • 00:11:38.100 --> 00:11:40.250
  • I know you're not using it!
  • 00:11:40.250 --> 00:11:42.130
  • And they stick their fingers under the door.
  • 00:11:42.130 --> 00:11:44.270
  • And I had this funny video on my Instagram,
  • 00:11:44.270 --> 00:11:48.190
  • my son, he's sitting out front
  • 00:11:48.190 --> 00:11:50.160
  • and he's like, you lied to me.
  • 00:11:50.160 --> 00:11:52.270
  • I'm like, what?
  • 00:11:52.270 --> 00:11:53.260
  • He said, you clearly lied to me,
  • 00:11:53.260 --> 00:11:55.170
  • you told me you had to use the bathroom
  • 00:11:55.170 --> 00:11:57.150
  • and I don't hear any noise.
  • 00:11:57.150 --> 00:11:59.270
  • And I'm like, oh my gosh, go away! (laughs)
  • 00:11:59.270 --> 00:12:04.080
  • But I hide, I do!
  • 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:08.010
  • And then I make time, they know
  • 00:12:08.010 --> 00:12:10.290
  • at the end of every day,
  • 00:12:10.290 --> 00:12:12.190
  • I spend an hour after I've put them to bed,
  • 00:12:12.190 --> 00:12:15.150
  • I soak in the bathtub for about an hour.
  • 00:12:15.150 --> 00:12:19.100
  • And then on Sundays I go skate all by myself.
  • 00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:23.070
  • So I am intentional at rest.
  • 00:12:23.070 --> 00:12:28.070
  • We create these noisy lives
  • 00:12:29.030 --> 00:12:30.170
  • where God can't get in touch with us.
  • 00:12:30.170 --> 00:12:32.250
  • And I got to this season where I said,
  • 00:12:32.250 --> 00:12:35.240
  • I must protect my peace.
  • 00:12:35.240 --> 00:12:38.240
  • I must get this schedule together,
  • 00:12:38.240 --> 00:12:41.130
  • have my kids on this schedule,
  • 00:12:41.130 --> 00:12:43.060
  • 'cause everybody is in something different.
  • 00:12:43.060 --> 00:12:45.090
  • My son, he does parkour which is like,
  • 00:12:45.090 --> 00:12:49.020
  • he wants to me American Ninja Warrior.
  • 00:12:50.040 --> 00:12:52.090
  • So, right.
  • 00:12:52.090 --> 00:12:53.220
  • The girls are in gymnastics,
  • 00:12:53.220 --> 00:12:55.180
  • my baby is in baseball,
  • 00:12:55.180 --> 00:12:57.100
  • so everybody is doing something different
  • 00:12:57.100 --> 00:13:00.130
  • and I'm like, you know what?
  • 00:13:00.130 --> 00:13:01.270
  • I'm going to sow into those things in your lives
  • 00:13:01.270 --> 00:13:04.210
  • but we're going to get a schedule.
  • 00:13:04.210 --> 00:13:06.210
  • Each of you can only do one sport a season.
  • 00:13:06.210 --> 00:13:10.090
  • - Limitation is healthy.
  • 00:13:10.090 --> 00:13:11.110
  • - Right.
  • 00:13:11.110 --> 00:13:12.170
  • My husband and I make sure every Monday
  • 00:13:12.170 --> 00:13:14.150
  • we always have for each other.
  • 00:13:14.150 --> 00:13:17.220
  • On Sundays I go skating for my--
  • 00:13:17.220 --> 00:13:21.160
  • - I love it!
  • 00:13:21.160 --> 00:13:23.040
  • I love you!
  • 00:13:23.040 --> 00:13:24.020
  • Roller derby girl!
  • 00:13:25.160 --> 00:13:27.060
  • I love you so much!
  • 00:13:27.060 --> 00:13:28.230
  • - Yes!
  • 00:13:29.230 --> 00:13:31.080
  • And for my friends, I'm like, if you need me, I am there.
  • 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:34.040
  • But try to understand, I have other things,
  • 00:13:34.040 --> 00:13:39.010
  • you know, going on and I'm like, God,
  • 00:13:39.010 --> 00:13:41.020
  • every single morning, it's me and You,
  • 00:13:41.020 --> 00:13:43.120
  • because ultimately that's how I set the tone for my day.
  • 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:48.000
  • And I get the grace that I need for the day.
  • 00:13:48.000 --> 00:13:51.200
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:13:51.200 --> 00:13:52.150
  • - And I'm just--
  • 00:13:52.150 --> 00:13:53.150
  • Day of rest.
  • 00:13:56.090 --> 00:13:57.170
  • - But we live in this fast-paced society.
  • 00:13:57.170 --> 00:13:58.270
  • - But we live in this fast-paced society.
  • 00:13:58.270 --> 00:13:59.230
  • Everything, you know, wants our immediate attention.
  • 00:14:00.030 --> 00:14:03.100
  • 'Cause I'm in school right now,
  • 00:14:03.100 --> 00:14:04.180
  • so what I look, and I have my phone,
  • 00:14:04.180 --> 00:14:07.090
  • my, I mean, automatically if it lights up,
  • 00:14:07.090 --> 00:14:10.230
  • I'm ready to pick it up.
  • 00:14:10.230 --> 00:14:12.030
  • I have to flip it over.
  • 00:14:12.030 --> 00:14:13.290
  • And just say--
  • 00:14:13.290 --> 00:14:14.270
  • - We're addicted to that.
  • 00:14:14.270 --> 00:14:16.120
  • I mean there is a, and this is what we have to understand.
  • 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.190
  • There is a physiological response to those notifications.
  • 00:14:18.190 --> 00:14:22.100
  • Literally your dopamine levels go up.
  • 00:14:22.100 --> 00:14:24.120
  • - It goes up.
  • 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:25.270
  • - So we are, we have become addicted to the business.
  • 00:14:25.270 --> 00:14:28.110
  • We become addicted to the distractions,
  • 00:14:28.110 --> 00:14:30.060
  • but what we don't realize is it's stealing our peace.
  • 00:14:30.060 --> 00:14:33.060
  • And the only way to maintain that,
  • 00:14:33.060 --> 00:14:35.240
  • the only way to say, you know what,
  • 00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:37.090
  • in order for me to pour out to whoever is in my life,
  • 00:14:37.090 --> 00:14:39.070
  • that there are going to be nos that I have to give.
  • 00:14:39.070 --> 00:14:42.060
  • There's absolutely, Jesus said no.
  • 00:14:42.060 --> 00:14:46.040
  • Everybody didn't get healed,
  • 00:14:46.040 --> 00:14:47.240
  • everybody didn't get a personal sermon.
  • 00:14:47.240 --> 00:14:50.000
  • Everybody didn't get a sit-down.
  • 00:14:50.000 --> 00:14:51.230
  • He did a whole lot, but He said a whole lot of nos
  • 00:14:51.230 --> 00:14:54.120
  • in order to do the most important thing.
  • 00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:56.210
  • And there's no way around it.
  • 00:14:56.210 --> 00:14:58.040
  • So you have to learn how to say,
  • 00:14:58.040 --> 00:14:59.180
  • I always say you just need to practice saying no
  • 00:14:59.180 --> 00:15:01.010
  • even if you have to say it to a tree.
  • 00:15:01.010 --> 00:15:02.270
  • And you come up with, you know, no but I wish I could.
  • 00:15:02.270 --> 00:15:06.070
  • No but maybe next time.
  • 00:15:06.070 --> 00:15:07.270
  • No but I'll be praying for you.
  • 00:15:07.270 --> 00:15:09.200
  • No but I'm sure you're gifted to do that
  • 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:11.160
  • and God is gonna supply who He needs.
  • 00:15:11.160 --> 00:15:13.150
  • No, you know, however you can say it,
  • 00:15:13.150 --> 00:15:15.070
  • but have your list of nos, put 'em on a cue card.
  • 00:15:15.070 --> 00:15:18.190
  • (laughter)
  • 00:15:18.190 --> 00:15:20.150
  • - It makes your yeses so much fun.
  • 00:15:20.150 --> 00:15:22.140
  • - And it makes your yeses so much fun.
  • 00:15:22.140 --> 00:15:24.220
  • And respected and appreciated.
  • 00:15:24.220 --> 00:15:26.180
  • - Right.
  • 00:15:26.180 --> 00:15:27.180
  • - I think I'm an expert at no.
  • 00:15:27.180 --> 00:15:29.230
  • Because so many things have been spoken on my behalf
  • 00:15:31.100 --> 00:15:34.250
  • that I had to speak up, finally.
  • 00:15:34.250 --> 00:15:37.000
  • And actually verbalize and put to language,
  • 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:41.080
  • what does Dianna want in life?
  • 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:43.180
  • Hmm.
  • 00:15:43.180 --> 00:15:44.280
  • Let's think about that.
  • 00:15:44.280 --> 00:15:46.040
  • So I actually had to say what I was feeling,
  • 00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:49.230
  • what's in my head when a lot of activity happens in my mind.
  • 00:15:49.230 --> 00:15:54.230
  • And so it actually had to come out of my mouth,
  • 00:15:54.230 --> 00:15:58.290
  • Dianna doesn't like this.
  • 00:15:58.290 --> 00:16:01.180
  • Dianna doesn't want to do this.
  • 00:16:01.180 --> 00:16:04.040
  • And so it was a hard thing to kind of broach,
  • 00:16:04.040 --> 00:16:08.290
  • you know, to people, because they're not used
  • 00:16:08.290 --> 00:16:10.230
  • to Dianna talking, it's like, hmm, she has an opinion.
  • 00:16:10.230 --> 00:16:14.050
  • Yes, by the way, I'm human, okay?
  • 00:16:14.050 --> 00:16:16.240
  • So I started verbalizing what I liked,
  • 00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:19.260
  • what I didn't like, and what do you know,
  • 00:16:19.260 --> 00:16:21.230
  • people started treating me better.
  • 00:16:21.230 --> 00:16:23.170
  • Started valuing my time.
  • 00:16:23.170 --> 00:16:25.210
  • Started treating me with respect.
  • 00:16:25.210 --> 00:16:28.070
  • Started, you know, honoring what I was contributing.
  • 00:16:28.070 --> 00:16:32.040
  • I wasn't contributing into everything
  • 00:16:32.040 --> 00:16:33.280
  • but I actually had an opinion
  • 00:16:33.280 --> 00:16:35.230
  • where I could verbalize and tell people,
  • 00:16:35.230 --> 00:16:37.230
  • you know what, that doesn't feel right.
  • 00:16:37.230 --> 00:16:39.100
  • That's, I don't think that's Godly.
  • 00:16:39.100 --> 00:16:41.140
  • I don't think Dianna would like that.
  • 00:16:41.140 --> 00:16:44.080
  • And so people started honoring me
  • 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:46.130
  • and honoring my opinion the more I shared it.
  • 00:16:46.130 --> 00:16:50.210
  • And so I think you'll be surprised
  • 00:16:50.210 --> 00:16:52.140
  • just because you're an introvert
  • 00:16:52.140 --> 00:16:53.220
  • doesn't mean that you don't have an opinion.
  • 00:16:53.220 --> 00:16:55.220
  • Just because you're quiet
  • 00:16:55.220 --> 00:16:56.260
  • and a recovering wallflower
  • 00:16:56.260 --> 00:16:58.070
  • doesn't mean that you have needs too.
  • 00:16:58.070 --> 00:17:01.200
  • You do have needs, you just express 'em in a different way.
  • 00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:04.190
  • You may not be explosive, you may not be loud,
  • 00:17:04.190 --> 00:17:07.130
  • you may not be extroverted, you may not always,
  • 00:17:07.130 --> 00:17:10.270
  • you know, have a lot of words,
  • 00:17:10.270 --> 00:17:12.120
  • but the words that you do have, people lean in and listen.
  • 00:17:12.120 --> 00:17:15.140
  • So make sure you speak up.
  • 00:17:15.140 --> 00:17:16.290
  • Make sure you speak up on your behalf.
  • 00:17:16.290 --> 00:17:19.040
  • - My personal takeaway is that
  • 00:17:19.040 --> 00:17:21.070
  • we just need to be honest about our struggles,
  • 00:17:21.070 --> 00:17:23.270
  • because when we are,
  • 00:17:23.270 --> 00:17:25.120
  • it allows us to be authentic and vulnerable enough
  • 00:17:25.120 --> 00:17:29.080
  • where other people can help.
  • 00:17:29.080 --> 00:17:30.160
  • Not only do we need to be the givers of help,
  • 00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:33.070
  • but it's okay to be the receivers of help.
  • 00:17:33.070 --> 00:17:35.080
  • And so caregivers, moms, caregivers of adult parents,
  • 00:17:35.080 --> 00:17:40.080
  • aging parents, caregivers of spouses.
  • 00:17:41.100 --> 00:17:42.290
  • It's okay to need help, to ask for it.
  • 00:17:42.290 --> 00:17:44.240
  • And to receive it.
  • 00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:46.160
  • - Want to keep up with what's going on
  • 00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:48.100
  • with our Better Together friends?
  • 00:17:48.100 --> 00:17:49.240
  • - Go online right now to BetterTogether.tv and sign up.
  • 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:53.170
  • - We'll keep you updated on all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:17:53.170 --> 00:17:57.030
  • (soft music)
  • 00:18:01.010 --> 00:18:02.090
  • - That's right.
  • 00:18:02.090 --> 00:18:03.120
  • - Knowing your parameters, too, for me,
  • 00:18:03.120 --> 00:18:04.230
  • I can recall being a young mom.
  • 00:18:04.230 --> 00:18:07.010
  • And having four under the age of two,
  • 00:18:07.010 --> 00:18:09.180
  • two, one, and twins that were zero and so--
  • 00:18:09.180 --> 00:18:11.250
  • - Twins that were zero? (laughs)
  • 00:18:11.250 --> 00:18:13.070
  • - Newborn, newborn.
  • 00:18:13.070 --> 00:18:15.060
  • And my life kind of, you know, took a scale-back.
  • 00:18:15.060 --> 00:18:19.270
  • You know, I backed up a couple of steps emotionally,
  • 00:18:19.270 --> 00:18:22.200
  • physically, my body just stopped working.
  • 00:18:22.200 --> 00:18:25.200
  • I wanted to keep going, but my body was like,
  • 00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:28.060
  • oh, shut down, you know what, sister girl?
  • 00:18:28.060 --> 00:18:30.230
  • You gonna sit this one out.
  • 00:18:30.230 --> 00:18:32.150
  • So I couldn't control that.
  • 00:18:32.150 --> 00:18:35.190
  • And so my life imploded during that time.
  • 00:18:35.190 --> 00:18:38.160
  • And I had to dig myself out of that.
  • 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.130
  • But it was God's generous way of saying
  • 00:18:41.130 --> 00:18:43.080
  • there's parameters to you, there's boundaries to you.
  • 00:18:43.080 --> 00:18:46.090
  • And I'mma show you through the Holy Spirit
  • 00:18:46.090 --> 00:18:49.070
  • how I'm going to rebuild your life, your energy,
  • 00:18:49.070 --> 00:18:51.240
  • because you've invested in your family,
  • 00:18:51.240 --> 00:18:54.010
  • your body invested three years.
  • 00:18:54.010 --> 00:18:56.250
  • So all of your hormones, you know,
  • 00:18:56.250 --> 00:18:59.110
  • feeding your child, being a caregiver,
  • 00:18:59.110 --> 00:19:02.150
  • 24/7, what does that look like to a woman.
  • 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:05.160
  • And most of the time for a woman,
  • 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:07.190
  • they don't understand physiologically what happens.
  • 00:19:07.190 --> 00:19:11.070
  • - And if you don't put the brakes on
  • 00:19:11.070 --> 00:19:14.160
  • then your body will put the brakes on for you.
  • 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:17.070
  • - I think as women, we have a tendency
  • 00:19:17.070 --> 00:19:20.090
  • to go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
  • 00:19:20.090 --> 00:19:22.170
  • Until we can't go anymore sometimes.
  • 00:19:22.170 --> 00:19:24.240
  • And sometimes we'll get sick,
  • 00:19:24.240 --> 00:19:27.250
  • we'll get something and all of a sudden
  • 00:19:27.250 --> 00:19:29.230
  • you find yourself down.
  • 00:19:29.230 --> 00:19:31.190
  • And you didn't have to fall then,
  • 00:19:31.190 --> 00:19:34.210
  • you could've just laid down. (laughs)
  • 00:19:34.210 --> 00:19:36.220
  • And taken the time to rest,
  • 00:19:36.220 --> 00:19:38.180
  • sometimes when you just have to say no
  • 00:19:38.180 --> 00:19:41.190
  • and do it together, do it together with your kids,
  • 00:19:41.190 --> 00:19:44.050
  • say you know what, we're not going to do that right now.
  • 00:19:44.050 --> 00:19:46.080
  • We're all gonna lay down together.
  • 00:19:46.080 --> 00:19:47.280
  • Let's take a little nap together.
  • 00:19:47.280 --> 00:19:49.280
  • And just get some rest.
  • 00:19:49.280 --> 00:19:51.250
  • - And that's why caregivers get sick.
  • 00:19:51.250 --> 00:19:54.030
  • Caregivers, when you talk about people
  • 00:19:54.030 --> 00:19:56.200
  • who are taking care of their parents
  • 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:58.040
  • or taking care of a spouse,
  • 00:19:58.040 --> 00:19:59.020
  • we have to be extra vigilant
  • 00:19:59.020 --> 00:20:02.020
  • to have a healthy level of self-care
  • 00:20:02.020 --> 00:20:05.140
  • because if you're not careful to do that,
  • 00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:07.110
  • you'll end up sick.
  • 00:20:07.110 --> 00:20:09.010
  • - But society makes you believe that you have to keep going.
  • 00:20:09.010 --> 00:20:13.040
  • - At the same level that you always have.
  • 00:20:13.040 --> 00:20:14.200
  • - And you hear money doesn't sleep
  • 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:18.090
  • or when I'm sleeping my competition is up working.
  • 00:20:18.090 --> 00:20:23.090
  • So they create this place where we feel like rest is bad.
  • 00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:27.210
  • When God told us, He gives us rest.
  • 00:20:27.210 --> 00:20:30.130
  • He gives us sleep to His beloved.
  • 00:20:30.130 --> 00:20:33.200
  • So it's very important in even how He designed us,
  • 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:38.030
  • scientifically, scientists can't even argue with this.
  • 00:20:38.030 --> 00:20:41.250
  • Our sleep helps heal our bodies.
  • 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:45.190
  • - So true.
  • 00:20:45.190 --> 00:20:46.260
  • - It's like it's obvious that He wanted us--
  • 00:20:46.260 --> 00:20:49.030
  • - You're designed for a break.
  • 00:20:49.030 --> 00:20:50.270
  • - So when you're sick you want to sleep,
  • 00:20:52.020 --> 00:20:54.000
  • 'cause it is your body's response.
  • 00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:56.110
  • - And it's like saying to yourself,
  • 00:20:56.110 --> 00:20:58.000
  • you know, eight cups of coffee a day,
  • 00:20:58.000 --> 00:20:59.260
  • that's probably not good.
  • 00:20:59.260 --> 00:21:01.230
  • (laughter)
  • 00:21:01.230 --> 00:21:02.240
  • So I stopped that.
  • 00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:04.110
  • Because I was actually--
  • 00:21:04.110 --> 00:21:05.090
  • - You were really at eight?
  • 00:21:05.090 --> 00:21:06.140
  • - Yes, sis!
  • 00:21:06.140 --> 00:21:07.090
  • I was getting hives.
  • 00:21:07.090 --> 00:21:08.110
  • - She does espressos, though.
  • 00:21:08.110 --> 00:21:10.100
  • - Like straight, straight.
  • 00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:11.050
  • Straight, strong stuff.
  • 00:21:11.050 --> 00:21:13.080
  • - Yes. (laughs)
  • 00:21:13.080 --> 00:21:15.150
  • And your heart was like--
  • 00:21:16.130 --> 00:21:17.250
  • - No judgment zone!
  • 00:21:17.250 --> 00:21:19.130
  • - That's not a judgment!
  • 00:21:20.110 --> 00:21:21.160
  • It's not a judgment.
  • 00:21:21.160 --> 00:21:23.170
  • - But it was--
  • 00:21:23.170 --> 00:21:24.150
  • - You're better now.
  • 00:21:24.150 --> 00:21:25.290
  • - Yeah, so I don't drink coffee anymore, I drink tea.
  • 00:21:25.290 --> 00:21:28.280
  • And so did that in order to get better sleep.
  • 00:21:28.280 --> 00:21:31.220
  • Better rest.
  • 00:21:31.220 --> 00:21:33.070
  • I am the queen of self-care, you could ask my children.
  • 00:21:33.070 --> 00:21:35.250
  • They like hanging out with mom, because--
  • 00:21:35.250 --> 00:21:37.220
  • - 'Cause you learned the lesson.
  • 00:21:37.220 --> 00:21:39.020
  • - Yes, and it came at a price.
  • 00:21:39.020 --> 00:21:41.050
  • - And it came at a price.
  • 00:21:41.050 --> 00:21:42.120
  • - And you learn, you learn rather fast.
  • 00:21:42.120 --> 00:21:44.110
  • You don't want to go back there,
  • 00:21:44.110 --> 00:21:45.180
  • and so now it's spa days, I don't feel bad.
  • 00:21:45.180 --> 00:21:48.000
  • Bathtub with jets, I don't feel bad.
  • 00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.230
  • I'm stealing away for a homeschool retreat,
  • 00:21:50.230 --> 00:21:54.040
  • even if it's for a weekend, where it's me, myself, and I.
  • 00:21:54.040 --> 00:21:56.270
  • The healthiest small group ever.
  • 00:21:56.270 --> 00:21:58.110
  • Love it.
  • 00:21:58.110 --> 00:21:59.220
  • - You cannot keep up a ridiculous,
  • 00:21:59.220 --> 00:22:03.120
  • none of us could keep up a ridiculous pace
  • 00:22:03.120 --> 00:22:05.100
  • and have too much on our plate.
  • 00:22:05.100 --> 00:22:06.210
  • Period.
  • 00:22:06.210 --> 00:22:07.270
  • But when you add caring for another person,
  • 00:22:07.270 --> 00:22:11.090
  • in what we typically define as a caregiver role,
  • 00:22:11.090 --> 00:22:13.150
  • which means there's a season
  • 00:22:13.150 --> 00:22:14.290
  • of additional pouring out and you try to pair that
  • 00:22:14.290 --> 00:22:18.070
  • with all the stuff you've been doing,
  • 00:22:18.070 --> 00:22:20.080
  • you're going to run out of steam.
  • 00:22:20.080 --> 00:22:22.220
  • Or you're going to feel guilty
  • 00:22:22.220 --> 00:22:24.100
  • about what you're not able to do.
  • 00:22:24.100 --> 00:22:26.050
  • Listen, caregiving for someone is a season.
  • 00:22:26.050 --> 00:22:29.130
  • And in order to do that well,
  • 00:22:29.130 --> 00:22:31.000
  • and for you to be well,
  • 00:22:31.000 --> 00:22:32.160
  • you're going to have to let some things go.
  • 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:33.280
  • - Don't feel bad, ever.
  • 00:22:33.280 --> 00:22:36.030
  • (laughter)
  • 00:22:36.030 --> 00:22:37.280
  • - And I would come back with three pages done
  • 00:22:37.280 --> 00:22:40.020
  • and my husband said, you've been gone for 72 hours.
  • 00:22:40.020 --> 00:22:42.280
  • You only got three pages done?
  • 00:22:42.280 --> 00:22:44.150
  • And I said, yes!
  • 00:22:44.150 --> 00:22:45.190
  • But in my head I was thinking,
  • 00:22:45.190 --> 00:22:46.260
  • I just needed a break from you all.
  • 00:22:46.260 --> 00:22:48.140
  • (laughter)
  • 00:22:48.140 --> 00:22:50.200
  • I just needed to sleep without interruption.
  • 00:22:53.250 --> 00:22:56.020
  • Eat when I was ready to eat.
  • 00:22:56.020 --> 00:22:57.180
  • Be creative.
  • 00:22:57.180 --> 00:22:58.240
  • - Like pump the brakes a little.
  • 00:22:58.240 --> 00:23:00.130
  • - And to refuel.
  • 00:23:00.130 --> 00:23:01.290
  • - And it's okay if we can really just take that on,
  • 00:23:01.290 --> 00:23:05.120
  • that mindset of saying it is okay to take care of you.
  • 00:23:05.120 --> 00:23:10.120
  • Even on an airplane they tell you what,
  • 00:23:11.180 --> 00:23:13.100
  • take care of you first.
  • 00:23:13.100 --> 00:23:14.220
  • Put that mask on you.
  • 00:23:14.220 --> 00:23:16.130
  • Then take care of the small ones next to you.
  • 00:23:16.130 --> 00:23:19.000
  • - Because you're able to.
  • 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:20.180
  • - 'Cause you're able to,
  • 00:23:20.180 --> 00:23:21.230
  • but if you have no strength,
  • 00:23:21.230 --> 00:23:23.060
  • no energy to take care of you,
  • 00:23:23.060 --> 00:23:25.270
  • you're not going to be able to take care of them.
  • 00:23:25.270 --> 00:23:28.080
  • And God's desire is for us to be able
  • 00:23:28.080 --> 00:23:31.040
  • to be healthy and to take care of our families as well.
  • 00:23:31.040 --> 00:23:34.220
  • - No one's going to get ahead of you.
  • 00:23:34.220 --> 00:23:36.250
  • Nothing's lost in the Kingdom of God.
  • 00:23:36.250 --> 00:23:39.030
  • It's called the productivity of rest.
  • 00:23:39.030 --> 00:23:40.290
  • Jesus says, come unto me, all ye that are heavy laden.
  • 00:23:42.120 --> 00:23:45.200
  • - It is so important that you find rest.
  • 00:23:46.260 --> 00:23:49.180
  • And God has given us rest.
  • 00:23:49.180 --> 00:23:51.180
  • In Hebrews, He said that He has given us that rest.
  • 00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:55.260
  • He says to labor to enter into that rest.
  • 00:23:55.260 --> 00:23:59.170
  • We labor so much in getting everybody else's life
  • 00:23:59.170 --> 00:24:03.290
  • in order and making sure
  • 00:24:03.290 --> 00:24:06.080
  • everything is fine for everybody else.
  • 00:24:06.080 --> 00:24:08.180
  • But you have to take care of you.
  • 00:24:08.180 --> 00:24:11.060
  • You the caregiver have to take care of you.
  • 00:24:11.060 --> 00:24:14.090
  • Even as a mom, you're a caregiver.
  • 00:24:14.090 --> 00:24:17.080
  • When my husband was sick
  • 00:24:17.080 --> 00:24:18.220
  • and we was going through a challenge, I was a caregiver.
  • 00:24:18.220 --> 00:24:21.060
  • And I had to know how to just break away
  • 00:24:21.060 --> 00:24:24.060
  • and to go and to take care of myself.
  • 00:24:24.060 --> 00:24:26.280
  • Without the guilt, without the condemnation,
  • 00:24:26.280 --> 00:24:30.080
  • without feeling like I had failed at something.
  • 00:24:30.080 --> 00:24:33.150
  • No, it is okay to say no.
  • 00:24:33.150 --> 00:24:35.270
  • It's okay to step away.
  • 00:24:35.270 --> 00:24:37.120
  • So I pray today that God will empower you.
  • 00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:40.270
  • That you will make the right choice,
  • 00:24:40.270 --> 00:24:42.280
  • that you will make the right decision,
  • 00:24:42.280 --> 00:24:45.010
  • and that you will allow Him to lead you into truth.
  • 00:24:45.010 --> 00:24:47.230
  • And you will not feel condemned,
  • 00:24:47.230 --> 00:24:49.170
  • but you will walk in knowing that God has given you
  • 00:24:49.170 --> 00:24:52.220
  • the ability to conquer all
  • 00:24:52.220 --> 00:24:54.290
  • and to handle everything that's in your life while you rest.
  • 00:24:54.290 --> 00:24:58.250
  • In Jesus's Name.
  • 00:24:58.250 --> 00:25:00.060
  • - [Announcer] Please connect with us on social media
  • 00:25:01.170 --> 00:25:03.010
  • and let us know how we can pray for you.
  • 00:25:03.010 --> 00:25:05.150
  • - Oddest thing underneath the couch
  • 00:25:05.150 --> 00:25:08.080
  • or in the couch, rotten food.
  • 00:25:08.080 --> 00:25:12.020
  • Like donuts.
  • 00:25:12.020 --> 00:25:14.010
  • Apples.
  • 00:25:14.010 --> 00:25:14.280
  • Fruit Roll-Ups.
  • 00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:17.140
  • Cheetos.
  • 00:25:17.140 --> 00:25:19.040
  • Doritos.
  • 00:25:19.040 --> 00:25:20.030
  • Popcorn.
  • 00:25:21.000 --> 00:25:22.070
  • Need I say more? (laughs)
  • 00:25:22.070 --> 00:25:24.210
  • (beeps)
  • 00:25:26.190 --> 00:25:27.240
  • Yes, real life, hashtag mom life. (laughs)
  • 00:25:27.240 --> 00:25:31.140
  • - [Announcer] Here's what's happening next time
  • 00:25:31.140 --> 00:25:32.210
  • on Better Together.
  • 00:25:32.210 --> 00:25:34.130
  • - I've had tumor in my toe, y'all,
  • 00:25:34.130 --> 00:25:35.280
  • I've had an infection, kidneys shut down,
  • 00:25:35.280 --> 00:25:38.030
  • all these random things, I'm a relatively healthy person.
  • 00:25:38.030 --> 00:25:41.170
  • - [Announcer] Watch Better Together
  • 00:25:41.170 --> 00:25:42.210
  • weekdays right here on TBN.
  • 00:25:42.210 --> 00:25:44.050
  • (soft music)
  • 00:25:45.080 --> 00:25:47.210