Better Together | The Bridge Builder | TBN

Better Together | The Bridge Builder

Watch Better Together | The Bridge Builder
May 17, 2019
26:24

Let's talk mother-in-laws, family drama, and more! Reconcilition within our families starts with us! | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Better Together | The Bridge Builder

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  • - Is your mother-in-law driving you crazy?
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  • Does your grandmother disagree with just about everything?
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  • Whether you argued with your mom last week
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  • or you wish you could hear her voice one more time,
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  • today's conversation is about healing and your freedom.
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  • C'mon in and join us.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - I think that when growing up,
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  • in the faith and in the household of faith,
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  • you know like in a local church.
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  • I had the most amazing experiences with women in my life.
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  • But at the same time, as I was reading
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  • like Proverbs 31, women, you know, valor,
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  • that prophetess, Lidia to Priscilla.
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  • Its just some really strong biblical figures
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  • that I always esteem to be.
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  • I just, I had this image, of
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  • when I got married, it would, I would have that in my life.
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  • And I would be silly to say that
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  • there are many women that are probably
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  • watching this, that they esteemed and wanted that
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  • in their lives as well.
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  • So needless to say, when I got married to my husband,
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  • you know five generations of ministry on both sides,
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  • very strong and you've always looked at people
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  • with esteem and desire and also respect.
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  • But when that respect was not returned to you,
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  • it left, you know, like almost,
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  • I don't want to say a deficit,
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  • but it left you in a place where you're always
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  • questioning yourself.
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  • questioning yourself.
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  • be his wife, and I was like so excited,
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  • put the ring on my finger, I'm like wrong finger, this one.
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  • And so romantic, and then I went to my mother-in-laws house,
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  • And so romantic, and then I went to my mother-in-laws house,
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  • and it was, I thought I was going to be received
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  • with open arms, but it was a different reception.
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  • It was like a funeral.
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  • I will never forget, that as I sat at her table
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  • it was very quiet, dim lighting, very dark
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  • and no one was talking to me, just a lot of smiles.
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  • It was like I was unexpected.
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  • If I could put it that way.
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  • And, years went on and just the hardship
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  • of trying to either prove yourself,
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  • not being looked at as a project.
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  • Coming in to your own ministry,
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  • or coming in to your own as a women.
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  • I just looked at that like, wow God,
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  • how can I win this person's affections that
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  • has raised such a godly man?
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  • And so, as we got older and as we
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  • matured in our relationship,
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  • there were hard moments, struggles at times,
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  • and I was very introverted, I'm not as chatty
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  • as you guys see me as.
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  • But as we worked our relationship, I finally found my voice.
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  • Like, just because I'm quiet, I finally realized
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  • their taking my silence as passivity or
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  • that I need to be cared for or
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  • I need to be trained in other words.
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  • And so, instead of being a project,
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  • I wanted to be a person.
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  • And so, I will never forget one day,
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  • as we were eating, as a joke,
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  • she pulled my plate out in front of me
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  • and she thought it was funny
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  • but it was insulting.
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  • And, we were in the company of people,
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  • just things like that, little mean things.
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  • But I will never forget when I finally
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  • had enough, I finally said
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  • you're an awesome nana,
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  • but you're a terrible mother-in-law.
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  • As those words left my mouth,
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  • the conviction of God came upon me,
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  • and I said Lord I wish I could take those words back.
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  • And when she heard that, it was almost like,
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  • the woman in front of me just fell.
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  • And someone came in, tried to mediate this discourse
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  • between she and I, and I determined in my heart,
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  • Lord, I'm your kid, I'm your daughter,
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  • and I know you're not going to let me get away with this.
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  • I'm gonna choose to have a
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  • relationship with my mother.
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  • So I asked for forgiveness, and there was like this
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  • healing balm that happened on my life.
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  • But as years went on, and she was diagnosed with a tumor
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  • and she was in her last stages of her life,
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  • I would go over to her house, care for her,
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  • walk with her, we had conversations.
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  • She pulled me into the bedroom and she said,
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  • Diana, I want you to sit down.
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  • I said, yeah mom what's going on?
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  • She said I've been meaning to do this,
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  • and I need to do this now,
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  • because I won't have time later on.
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  • I said, mom what are you doing?
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  • Then she said, I want to ask for your forgiveness,
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  • and then I said, mom you don't have to do that,
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  • no, I've been hard on you, I've been mean,
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  • and she goes, you chose to be a daughter,
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  • when you could have chose to be something else to me.
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  • And then as I sat there, I said mom you really don't have to
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  • do this, and then she said,
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  • honey its not for you its for me.
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  • It is really is.
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  • And so, two days passed and that's when she left.
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  • But that was the gift of, you know what pain can do,
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  • struggle in a relationship can do.
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  • And reconciliation can do, that's what reconciliation
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  • looks like, its like restoring something when you
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  • choose not to feel it, to step into something
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  • that you're not quite prepared for,
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  • but you want to repair the breach.
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  • You wanna get rid of that gap,
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  • and I chose in the relationship,
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  • I'm determined to love the women that raised her son,
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  • to be the husband that I love.
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  • That I wanna do life with, that I wanna have children with.
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  • And not be an opposing force against her,
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  • she's not my enemy, I wanna make her my friend.
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  • So, Lord show me how to do that.
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  • But when I came into the Kingdom of God, it was just
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  • not his way, and I wanted to do the best way.
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  • That most excellent way.
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  • And it was like, I had to overlook wrongs,
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  • okay, I had to bite my tongue,
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  • I had to yield, I had to overlook things that
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  • were extremely mean.
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  • I had to overlook like her sending me home,
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  • and changing clothes, you know.
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  • And all kinds of scenarios,
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  • not in the very nice things that happened to me.
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  • And so, I still chose to reach out,
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  • I still chose to, you know bite the bullet and smile.
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  • I still chose to love and honor her.
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  • I still chose to be there.
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  • Even though I wanted to run,
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  • even though I was so mad.
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  • And any normal person would see that and be done with.
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  • And so, it comes at great cost and pain,
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  • and so for many of us,
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  • if we don't step into places of reconciliation
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  • we think reconciliation's pretty and glamorous.
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  • And that there's camera and someones archiving photos,
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  • you know your glamor shots.
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  • No, no, no.
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  • It happens in stories like this.
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  • It's like, it gets messy, it gets hard,
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  • relationship things that happen,
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  • where you have to yield, compromise, forgive.
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  • - Pride sets in.
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  • - Oh yeah, because it could have happened the other way.
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  • You know, she could have left this place
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  • and never had a relationship with me,
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  • and then what?
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  • I would have lived with that and
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  • not passed it on to my children,
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  • this is what, you know a mother-in-law can be in your life.
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  • - What do you think it is with moms and their sons?
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  • (laughter)
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  • - Lord, mothers and their sons.
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  • - But it's the connection.
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  • - So possessive of our son's and
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  • then this woman comes in to take our sons from us.
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  • And I think that's how a lot of mom's view it.
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  • Its like you are intruder,
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  • you're coming in to take something that belongs to me.
  • 00:09:05.250 --> 00:09:08.270
  • - I think its so sad that either a young wife
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  • or I don't care if you're an older wife,
  • 00:09:12.280 --> 00:09:15.030
  • puts their husband against their own mom.
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  • That's just not right.
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  • And I think vice versa,
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  • if your a mother, you've got a son
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  • and he's got a new wife,
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  • you need to be helping that relationship.
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  • And if their married, baby you better get behind that.
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  • Because, you know God says what God has joined together
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  • let no man, and no one want to be in that spot.
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  • - My biggest parenting challenge to overcome as a mom,
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  • is controlling my children.
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  • I work really hard to be a great mom,
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  • to provide spiritual nourishment for my kids,
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  • to serve them up physical nourishment,
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  • to help them with their plans, to talk to them,
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  • to listen, to pray over them.
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  • So, I just want them to do it the way I want them to do it.
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  • I mean, I want them to like just do what I tell them to do,
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  • everything would just be fine.
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  • And the reality is, I cannot control them.
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  • I cannot control them, yeah I want them to be obedient,
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  • and I want them to be honoring me as their mom.
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  • But at the end of the day, I really do want them
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  • to have their own relationship with the Lord.
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  • I want them to walk with Him, and hear from Him.
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  • Which means, that I cannot control their outcome,
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  • even if their doing a good thing.
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  • Which is walking with God.
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  • And I just need to let Him parent them too.
  • 00:10:31.040 --> 00:10:33.190
  • - Have you missed an episode of Better Together?
  • 00:10:33.190 --> 00:10:36.020
  • Download TBN app to stream the latest conversations.
  • 00:10:36.020 --> 00:10:39.000
  • - And its a struggle sometimes with mother's
  • 00:10:43.130 --> 00:10:46.030
  • with letting go and letting you enter into that space.
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  • I had the same encounter, my mother-in-law,
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  • - Wow!
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  • - She turned out to be the best mother-in-law ever,
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  • really I wouldn't trade her for the world,
  • 00:10:56.040 --> 00:10:59.240
  • but when I first was introduced to her
  • 00:10:59.240 --> 00:11:03.080
  • she didn't think I was the right fit,
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  • she looked at my husband and I wasn't around
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  • and she told him, you know you need to marry
  • 00:11:08.150 --> 00:11:11.010
  • this other girl, 'cause she could help you more in ministry.
  • 00:11:11.010 --> 00:11:14.210
  • - Oh lord.
  • 00:11:14.210 --> 00:11:15.280
  • - You know, and so he comes back, thinking
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  • - And tells you that?
  • 00:11:18.200 --> 00:11:19.170
  • - Yes!
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  • Why did you tell me that?
  • 00:11:21.220 --> 00:11:23.010
  • I loved her before now.
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  • (laughter)
  • 00:11:24.190 --> 00:11:25.270
  • - I was happy in my little naive ataim.
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  • My little secret place. My little quiet place.
  • 00:11:27.280 --> 00:11:30.270
  • - So he comes back and tell me that,
  • 00:11:30.270 --> 00:11:32.170
  • but that was before we were married.
  • 00:11:32.170 --> 00:11:34.210
  • And, now I had to kind of maneuver my way in.
  • 00:11:34.210 --> 00:11:39.210
  • But my mom has always taught me,
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  • you can win more flies with honey than
  • 00:11:42.110 --> 00:11:44.280
  • you can with vinegar.
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  • Or more bees, more honey, one of 'em.
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  • - We know what you mean.
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  • (laughter)
  • 00:11:49.290 --> 00:11:51.290
  • - I decided that I would win her over with love.
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  • I mean I poured it on, I did whatever I could
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  • to go after her, to let her see that I'm a good person.
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  • I promise you, I'm gonna take care of this man,
  • 00:12:06.120 --> 00:12:08.100
  • and I'm a be here for him, and I'm gonna do
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  • everything I'm called to do,
  • 00:12:10.140 --> 00:12:13.080
  • so he can fulfill purpose in life.
  • 00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:15.200
  • I won over my mother-in-law by being intentional,
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  • by being strategic.
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  • I love her, its a love in me.
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  • I mean look at me, what?
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  • I'm lovable, how can you not like me?
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  • I'm the best thing since sliced bread for your boy.
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  • He need me, yes he does, he needs me.
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  • And so I had to win her over,
  • 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:39.190
  • I had to allow her to see my actions were pure
  • 00:12:39.190 --> 00:12:43.140
  • towards her boy and that I would be everything
  • 00:12:43.140 --> 00:12:46.270
  • that her son would need.
  • 00:12:46.270 --> 00:12:48.170
  • - Because of that I purposed in my heart
  • 00:12:48.170 --> 00:12:51.160
  • not to be that mother-in-law.
  • 00:12:51.160 --> 00:12:54.000
  • I wanted to be the best mother-in-law that my son-in-laws
  • 00:12:54.000 --> 00:12:57.150
  • could have, that my daughter-in-law, you know will have,
  • 00:12:59.040 --> 00:13:01.140
  • because I wanted to be that extension,
  • 00:13:01.140 --> 00:13:04.030
  • but I think, I mean I was thinking about you and your story,
  • 00:13:04.030 --> 00:13:07.200
  • how you have shared,
  • 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:09.050
  • maybe about the past of your upbringing.
  • 00:13:09.050 --> 00:13:12.200
  • And how you have longed to have a
  • 00:13:12.200 --> 00:13:15.070
  • mother-daughter connection.
  • 00:13:15.070 --> 00:13:17.190
  • - And I've had that with, women in our church, you know
  • 00:13:17.190 --> 00:13:22.040
  • people I esteem, bible teachers.
  • 00:13:22.040 --> 00:13:24.110
  • I could still remember, these women took me in.
  • 00:13:24.110 --> 00:13:28.110
  • - You have a different expectation of a mother-in-law.
  • 00:13:28.110 --> 00:13:32.230
  • - Fantasize.
  • 00:13:32.230 --> 00:13:33.210
  • - You fantasize, all of that.
  • 00:13:33.210 --> 00:13:35.190
  • Its like you thinking, okay,
  • 00:13:35.190 --> 00:13:37.240
  • I've had, I didn't have it with my natural mom,
  • 00:13:37.240 --> 00:13:40.160
  • but I've had it with people in the church.
  • 00:13:40.160 --> 00:13:42.180
  • And so now I...
  • 00:13:42.180 --> 00:13:44.030
  • - Its going to be really good
  • 00:13:44.030 --> 00:13:45.060
  • when I get to my mother-in-law.
  • 00:13:45.060 --> 00:13:46.200
  • - Yeah, it's going to be really good when I get here,
  • 00:13:46.200 --> 00:13:47.270
  • and then it's like a push back.
  • 00:13:47.270 --> 00:13:50.150
  • It's painful when it comes to that place,
  • 00:13:50.150 --> 00:13:52.220
  • because our expectations haven't been met.
  • 00:13:52.220 --> 00:13:56.050
  • - Well that's the problem, and that's
  • 00:13:56.050 --> 00:13:57.210
  • why there will always be need for reconciliation.
  • 00:13:57.210 --> 00:14:00.080
  • - Because of expectations.
  • 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:01.060
  • - Because of expectations.
  • 00:14:01.060 --> 00:14:02.000
  • - False expectations.
  • 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:03.070
  • - People because they are sinful creatures
  • 00:14:03.070 --> 00:14:04.190
  • and they make mistakes.
  • 00:14:04.190 --> 00:14:06.000
  • Will not meet our expectations, and of course
  • 00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:08.130
  • there's a place for reconciliation and
  • 00:14:08.130 --> 00:14:11.000
  • what that looks like in a healthy way,
  • 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:12.110
  • depending on the infraction.
  • 00:14:12.110 --> 00:14:13.260
  • But, the reality is, even if forgiveness is one-sided
  • 00:14:13.260 --> 00:14:18.120
  • you know, to be able to forgive is the first step,
  • 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:21.070
  • and we all have to take that.
  • 00:14:21.070 --> 00:14:22.260
  • And then when there is reconciliation possible,
  • 00:14:22.260 --> 00:14:26.000
  • that should always be our aim.
  • 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:27.070
  • Because the bible tells us that.
  • 00:14:27.070 --> 00:14:28.210
  • And because God gets glory from the reconciliation
  • 00:14:28.210 --> 00:14:31.250
  • when it happens.
  • 00:14:31.250 --> 00:14:32.230
  • But, releasing people from our
  • 00:14:32.230 --> 00:14:34.290
  • expectations is our first step for that.
  • 00:14:34.290 --> 00:14:37.180
  • In fact, my daughter and I, she lived with us,
  • 00:14:37.180 --> 00:14:41.080
  • she and her husband and her daughter, because they were,
  • 00:14:41.080 --> 00:14:44.090
  • before the second baby came along.
  • 00:14:44.090 --> 00:14:46.020
  • They were renovating their home, and they said
  • 00:14:46.020 --> 00:14:48.230
  • we only need to stay with you for one week
  • 00:14:48.230 --> 00:14:50.180
  • 'cause then everything will be done.
  • 00:14:50.180 --> 00:14:51.200
  • (laughter)
  • 00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:53.280
  • so, we were in a place where we were renting our home
  • 00:14:56.120 --> 00:15:00.020
  • so it was smaller because we were biting our time
  • 00:15:00.020 --> 00:15:02.060
  • for the next thing.
  • 00:15:02.060 --> 00:15:03.210
  • So we were on top of each other,
  • 00:15:03.210 --> 00:15:05.100
  • kind of like you were saying.
  • 00:15:05.100 --> 00:15:06.240
  • And what I just said, what I was saying earlier
  • 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:09.010
  • which their always room, their wasn't room,
  • 00:15:09.010 --> 00:15:10.200
  • their wasn't room for everybody.
  • 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.250
  • - Oh my goodness.
  • 00:15:12.250 --> 00:15:14.000
  • - But we were two women who were married,
  • 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:15.220
  • who were stepping on each others toes.
  • 00:15:15.220 --> 00:15:18.080
  • And she had expectations of what it would look like
  • 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.160
  • for her and her family to be in my home.
  • 00:15:20.160 --> 00:15:23.020
  • And how I was gonna be cooking for them every night,
  • 00:15:23.020 --> 00:15:24.290
  • and all the things.
  • 00:15:24.290 --> 00:15:26.260
  • And my expectation was that you guys are here
  • 00:15:26.260 --> 00:15:30.120
  • and you're gonna be helpful to me.
  • 00:15:30.120 --> 00:15:31.270
  • 'cause as my oldest daughter, you've always been helpful.
  • 00:15:31.270 --> 00:15:34.150
  • I don't care that you have a husband and child now,
  • 00:15:34.150 --> 00:15:36.060
  • I still need you to be helpful.
  • 00:15:36.060 --> 00:15:37.280
  • So we both had expectations of each other,
  • 00:15:37.280 --> 00:15:40.160
  • and we were both severely disappointing each other.
  • 00:15:40.160 --> 00:15:42.260
  • And I'll never forget,
  • 00:15:42.260 --> 00:15:43.290
  • one night she came over, and, or she came into my room
  • 00:15:45.220 --> 00:15:46.260
  • and had tears in her eyes.
  • 00:15:46.260 --> 00:15:48.020
  • She said, I think were just gonna leave.
  • 00:15:48.020 --> 00:15:49.160
  • And I said well why would you do that?
  • 00:15:49.160 --> 00:15:51.230
  • She said 'cause I don't feel like you want us here.
  • 00:15:51.230 --> 00:15:54.020
  • And I'll never forget this conversation because
  • 00:15:54.020 --> 00:15:56.100
  • we both had to be honest with each other.
  • 00:15:56.100 --> 00:15:58.290
  • - Yes.
  • 00:15:58.290 --> 00:16:00.160
  • - About how our expectations of one another were not fair,
  • 00:16:00.160 --> 00:16:04.070
  • because one we hadn't communicated them.
  • 00:16:04.070 --> 00:16:06.160
  • And two we weren't giving each other the grace to disappoint
  • 00:16:06.160 --> 00:16:09.250
  • and to be honest about what we really could and couldn't do.
  • 00:16:09.250 --> 00:16:12.130
  • And I said listen, do you want to be here?
  • 00:16:12.130 --> 00:16:14.210
  • 'cause I want you to be here if you want to be here.
  • 00:16:14.210 --> 00:16:16.120
  • She said, yes, okay then stay and lets figure out what
  • 00:16:16.120 --> 00:16:20.070
  • we have to do to make it work.
  • 00:16:20.070 --> 00:16:21.140
  • But here's what I need you to hear me say,
  • 00:16:21.140 --> 00:16:24.000
  • I love you and I want you here.
  • 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.270
  • And that is always that spirit of reconciliation.
  • 00:16:26.270 --> 00:16:29.180
  • Whether here is a physical place or a not,
  • 00:16:29.180 --> 00:16:34.070
  • I love you and I want you here, wherever here is.
  • 00:16:34.070 --> 00:16:37.240
  • She felt infringed upon, I felt infringed upon.
  • 00:16:37.240 --> 00:16:40.110
  • But at the end of the day the message that
  • 00:16:40.110 --> 00:16:42.250
  • I wanted her to feel in here and
  • 00:16:42.250 --> 00:16:44.050
  • I didn't always do it perfectly,
  • 00:16:44.050 --> 00:16:45.100
  • was I want you here, for the season
  • 00:16:45.100 --> 00:16:48.090
  • that you guys need to be here,
  • 00:16:48.090 --> 00:16:49.250
  • you're welcome, I love you and how can we do that in
  • 00:16:49.250 --> 00:16:51.250
  • a way where we both feel honored and respected.
  • 00:16:51.250 --> 00:16:54.090
  • And we did the best we could.
  • 00:16:54.090 --> 00:16:55.240
  • - Something that I pray that my children learn from me,
  • 00:16:55.240 --> 00:17:00.190
  • is to never give up.
  • 00:17:01.110 --> 00:17:02.090
  • To know that we're fighters,
  • 00:17:02.090 --> 00:17:05.010
  • and the great thing is,
  • 00:17:05.010 --> 00:17:07.250
  • God told us that it's a fixed fight, that we win.
  • 00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:11.200
  • And the biggest thing I want them to learn form me is
  • 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:15.140
  • that I will fight to the very end
  • 00:17:15.140 --> 00:17:19.160
  • I never ever, ever, ever, ever give up.
  • 00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:23.070
  • And that's how we start our day off,
  • 00:17:23.070 --> 00:17:25.280
  • that with God anything is possible.
  • 00:17:25.280 --> 00:17:29.020
  • And I want them to know that I'm a fighter
  • 00:17:29.020 --> 00:17:31.050
  • and I want them to be fighters,
  • 00:17:31.050 --> 00:17:33.060
  • that no matter what they face, we win,
  • 00:17:33.060 --> 00:17:37.160
  • because we didn't give up.
  • 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:39.200
  • - Life is so much better when were
  • 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:41.270
  • able to do it with our friends.
  • 00:17:41.270 --> 00:17:44.010
  • - Follow us on social media, and share photos of
  • 00:17:44.010 --> 00:17:46.170
  • you and your friends,
  • 00:17:46.170 --> 00:17:47.270
  • getting better together.
  • 00:17:47.270 --> 00:17:49.080
  • Use hashtag better together tv.
  • 00:17:49.080 --> 00:17:51.220
  • We can't wait to see your smiling faces.
  • 00:17:51.220 --> 00:17:53.220
  • - But it's a transition.
  • 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:01.210
  • - It is hard.
  • 00:18:01.210 --> 00:18:02.230
  • - It is a hard transition.
  • 00:18:02.230 --> 00:18:03.290
  • - With adult children, especially.
  • 00:18:03.290 --> 00:18:05.270
  • - Because you, it's transitions
  • 00:18:07.100 --> 00:18:09.270
  • that we make all the way along the line.
  • 00:18:09.270 --> 00:18:12.270
  • Like sometimes, I have to come to her and you know
  • 00:18:12.270 --> 00:18:15.240
  • share certain things, I have to remember,
  • 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:18.230
  • okay she's not the little girl that still in your home
  • 00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:22.020
  • and you're telling her what to do,
  • 00:18:22.020 --> 00:18:23.270
  • no, she's an adult woman with her own family,
  • 00:18:23.270 --> 00:18:26.280
  • her own responsibilities,
  • 00:18:26.280 --> 00:18:28.220
  • whose making her own decisions,
  • 00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:30.200
  • who really don't have to listen
  • 00:18:30.200 --> 00:18:32.050
  • to a thing that I have to say.
  • 00:18:32.050 --> 00:18:34.080
  • I have to now come to her and use the wisdom of God
  • 00:18:34.080 --> 00:18:37.120
  • to get her to hear me, so it can still catapult her
  • 00:18:37.120 --> 00:18:42.110
  • to a new place.
  • 00:18:42.110 --> 00:18:44.140
  • Even though she's making her decisions as she's grown.
  • 00:18:44.140 --> 00:18:47.170
  • I've been some places that she hasn't been.
  • 00:18:47.170 --> 00:18:49.210
  • - That's right, you're still ahead.
  • 00:18:49.210 --> 00:18:51.120
  • - I'm still ahead.
  • 00:18:51.120 --> 00:18:52.170
  • (laughter)
  • 00:18:52.170 --> 00:18:54.130
  • - I believe strongly in honoring your parents.
  • 00:18:54.130 --> 00:18:54.160
  • - I believe strongly in honoring your parents.
  • 00:18:55.200 --> 00:19:00.180
  • We were instructed to do so in the bible, so that's first.
  • 00:19:02.010 --> 00:19:05.030
  • Whether they deserve it or not, in your opinion.
  • 00:19:05.030 --> 00:19:10.030
  • Honor is always, always, always, always vital.
  • 00:19:11.080 --> 00:19:15.100
  • It's so important for people to grasp that.
  • 00:19:17.170 --> 00:19:20.270
  • We're not always going to have the same view or the
  • 00:19:20.270 --> 00:19:24.010
  • same opinion or the same beliefs,
  • 00:19:24.010 --> 00:19:28.100
  • but to be able to respect what they say
  • 00:19:28.100 --> 00:19:32.250
  • and know that they have gone before us,
  • 00:19:34.120 --> 00:19:35.100
  • and we don't know everything.
  • 00:19:35.100 --> 00:19:37.140
  • There are things that they can teach us,
  • 00:19:37.140 --> 00:19:40.150
  • I just believe that we always have to be open to hear
  • 00:19:40.150 --> 00:19:45.080
  • the wisdom that they are imparting in us
  • 00:19:45.080 --> 00:19:48.180
  • and if we don't agree we can appreciate them
  • 00:19:48.180 --> 00:19:51.190
  • for their time, and that is a way that we can
  • 00:19:51.190 --> 00:19:55.160
  • show honor to them.
  • 00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:58.070
  • - One of those things that has been practical for me
  • 00:19:58.070 --> 00:20:00.180
  • as a mom of an adult daughter,
  • 00:20:00.180 --> 00:20:02.070
  • is sometimes I ask for permission.
  • 00:20:02.070 --> 00:20:04.000
  • 'cause sometimes she's calling me because she
  • 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:06.280
  • wants me to listen, she doesn't necessarily
  • 00:20:06.280 --> 00:20:08.170
  • want me to solve it.
  • 00:20:08.170 --> 00:20:09.270
  • And if I start trying to solve it
  • 00:20:09.270 --> 00:20:12.230
  • (laughter)
  • 00:20:12.230 --> 00:20:13.290
  • but if I start tying to solve it,
  • 00:20:13.290 --> 00:20:15.170
  • then that's a door she didn't open for me.
  • 00:20:15.170 --> 00:20:17.160
  • - Right.
  • 00:20:17.160 --> 00:20:19.010
  • - So I've had to say to her, hey, I'm sure you'll
  • 00:20:19.010 --> 00:20:21.080
  • be fine, you know the kids are going to be fine,
  • 00:20:21.080 --> 00:20:23.030
  • your husbands gonna be fine.
  • 00:20:23.030 --> 00:20:24.110
  • You'll figure it out,
  • 00:20:24.110 --> 00:20:25.160
  • say all these encouraging things.
  • 00:20:25.160 --> 00:20:26.220
  • And many times I don't offer my thoughts,
  • 00:20:26.220 --> 00:20:29.190
  • but when the holy spirit gives me unction to
  • 00:20:29.190 --> 00:20:32.020
  • offer my thoughts, I'll say to her,
  • 00:20:32.020 --> 00:20:34.090
  • you know what, I'm hearing you and
  • 00:20:34.090 --> 00:20:36.000
  • I'm sure it's going to be fine
  • 00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:37.090
  • I do have something I'd like to share with you,
  • 00:20:37.090 --> 00:20:39.110
  • is it okay if I offer a suggestion?
  • 00:20:39.110 --> 00:20:42.230
  • And even though it's killing me,
  • 00:20:42.230 --> 00:20:44.250
  • listen to her...
  • 00:20:44.250 --> 00:20:46.020
  • - Some pain.
  • 00:20:48.270 --> 00:20:49.230
  • - I have your answer.
  • 00:20:49.230 --> 00:20:51.090
  • - I want her to be able to receive it and flip
  • 00:20:51.090 --> 00:20:54.030
  • to that, even with my own mom,
  • 00:20:54.030 --> 00:20:56.110
  • because I wanna respect her,
  • 00:20:56.110 --> 00:20:58.180
  • there are some things I've wanted to say and
  • 00:20:58.180 --> 00:21:00.240
  • I know, 'cause my mom the respect quotient is high.
  • 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:05.110
  • - So funny.
  • 00:21:05.110 --> 00:21:06.060
  • - I can't just roll in sayin' anything that I wanna say
  • 00:21:07.180 --> 00:21:09.020
  • if I wanna say it.
  • 00:21:09.020 --> 00:21:10.030
  • - Yes.
  • 00:21:10.030 --> 00:21:11.100
  • - And I've had to say a couple times, mom,
  • 00:21:11.100 --> 00:21:12.250
  • I really need to share something with you,
  • 00:21:12.250 --> 00:21:15.140
  • and I have to do a whole red carpet,
  • 00:21:15.140 --> 00:21:16.250
  • of things, mom, there's something I really
  • 00:21:16.250 --> 00:21:18.190
  • want to share with you.
  • 00:21:18.190 --> 00:21:20.040
  • And it, I'm gonna do my best to say it in a respectful way,
  • 00:21:20.040 --> 00:21:24.240
  • I don't want to hurt your feelings
  • 00:21:25.290 --> 00:21:27.040
  • but I need to tell you this.
  • 00:21:27.040 --> 00:21:29.040
  • You know, as your daughter and we're friends
  • 00:21:29.040 --> 00:21:31.030
  • I need to tell you this.
  • 00:21:31.030 --> 00:21:32.170
  • To lay the ground work so she can hear me.
  • 00:21:32.170 --> 00:21:35.070
  • And I think in both scenarios, when your heart
  • 00:21:35.070 --> 00:21:38.260
  • is for your mother, your daughter, your mother-in-law,
  • 00:21:38.260 --> 00:21:41.200
  • when your heart is for reconciliation,
  • 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.090
  • we want them to be able to hear us.
  • 00:21:44.090 --> 00:21:46.250
  • And what are we willing to do to make that possible?
  • 00:21:46.250 --> 00:21:50.010
  • - That's beautiful.
  • 00:21:50.010 --> 00:21:51.130
  • You know, I had a beautiful mother-in-law and
  • 00:21:51.130 --> 00:21:53.220
  • she actually gave picked me
  • 00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:55.090
  • - You're so blessed.
  • 00:21:55.090 --> 00:21:56.160
  • - I am so blessed, I met her in an elevator.
  • 00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:59.170
  • - And she picked you from the elevator ride?
  • 00:21:59.170 --> 00:22:01.030
  • - Yes, she said can I ask you how old you are?
  • 00:22:01.030 --> 00:22:04.060
  • Id like for you to meet my son.
  • 00:22:04.060 --> 00:22:05.210
  • - Wow!
  • 00:22:05.210 --> 00:22:06.160
  • Are you serious?
  • 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:07.230
  • - Yeah, and her and I fell in love
  • 00:22:07.230 --> 00:22:08.210
  • before I even met Matthew.
  • 00:22:08.210 --> 00:22:10.070
  • So, I had, but she had a
  • 00:22:11.030 --> 00:22:12.230
  • horrible relationship with her mother-in-law.
  • 00:22:12.230 --> 00:22:15.060
  • I mean, she just told me horror stories,
  • 00:22:15.060 --> 00:22:18.270
  • you know, but through that she was the best mother-in-law
  • 00:22:18.270 --> 00:22:22.200
  • to me and I felt more like the daughter
  • 00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:26.130
  • than Matt was the son.
  • 00:22:26.130 --> 00:22:28.150
  • Many times, everyone always thought that I was the
  • 00:22:28.150 --> 00:22:31.210
  • daughter anyway.
  • 00:22:31.210 --> 00:22:32.280
  • I always love, I want my daughter-in-laws
  • 00:22:32.280 --> 00:22:35.250
  • to be my daughters.
  • 00:22:35.250 --> 00:22:36.230
  • - Right.
  • 00:22:36.230 --> 00:22:38.000
  • - You know, and I have a great desire,
  • 00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:39.230
  • 'cause I didn't have girls and so I
  • 00:22:39.230 --> 00:22:42.050
  • love the thought of that.
  • 00:22:42.050 --> 00:22:45.150
  • But, getting there with one of my sons,
  • 00:22:47.060 --> 00:22:51.230
  • that was probably one of the hardest things
  • 00:22:51.230 --> 00:22:54.180
  • he and I had both been through.
  • 00:22:54.180 --> 00:22:56.140
  • Was a bad relationship, and I remember though,
  • 00:22:56.140 --> 00:23:01.130
  • that during that time,
  • 00:23:02.050 --> 00:23:04.030
  • I thought that there would be a marriage from this.
  • 00:23:04.030 --> 00:23:08.020
  • And I remember just every time I saw Jan or I called and
  • 00:23:08.020 --> 00:23:11.210
  • talked to her on the phone,
  • 00:23:11.210 --> 00:23:13.260
  • I go mom, I am so sorry,
  • 00:23:13.260 --> 00:23:15.120
  • if I ever made you feel like I was taking your son from you.
  • 00:23:15.120 --> 00:23:18.100
  • So I was feeling all these emotions,
  • 00:23:18.100 --> 00:23:20.130
  • that I was praying to God, Jan never felt from me.
  • 00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:24.060
  • You know, I'm sorry if you think that I always
  • 00:23:24.060 --> 00:23:26.110
  • was honing in on your relationship with you son.
  • 00:23:26.110 --> 00:23:29.270
  • And I was just apologizing, and she would just die laughing.
  • 00:23:29.270 --> 00:23:32.110
  • Because I was feeling all of these emotions,
  • 00:23:32.110 --> 00:23:35.010
  • and praying that I had never triggered that feeling
  • 00:23:35.010 --> 00:23:38.290
  • in her, of losing some part.
  • 00:23:38.290 --> 00:23:41.270
  • - That is beautiful.
  • 00:23:41.270 --> 00:23:42.270
  • - But I think in every situation,
  • 00:23:42.270 --> 00:23:44.270
  • if we can just pray for grace, to walk through our
  • 00:23:44.270 --> 00:23:48.100
  • relationships with just grace,
  • 00:23:48.100 --> 00:23:51.090
  • and giving grace, even though it's not reciprocated.
  • 00:23:51.090 --> 00:23:54.210
  • You know, I can't imagine some of that, you know.
  • 00:23:54.210 --> 00:23:57.270
  • But I know that God has grace for us to go
  • 00:23:57.270 --> 00:24:01.140
  • through those things and to say,
  • 00:24:01.140 --> 00:24:03.070
  • okay God what are you saying to me through this?
  • 00:24:03.070 --> 00:24:06.220
  • - I'm just asking you to take the first step,
  • 00:24:06.220 --> 00:24:06.230
  • - I'm just asking you to take the first step,
  • 00:24:07.210 --> 00:24:10.010
  • in the journey of reconciliation.
  • 00:24:10.010 --> 00:24:12.200
  • That you hold nothing against them,
  • 00:24:12.200 --> 00:24:13.200
  • that you bring the balance to zero,
  • 00:24:13.200 --> 00:24:14.250
  • they owe nothing to you.
  • 00:24:14.250 --> 00:24:16.290
  • And then create this space where God
  • 00:24:16.290 --> 00:24:19.110
  • can do it.
  • 00:24:19.110 --> 00:24:20.130
  • So Lord Jesus I just pray right now
  • 00:24:21.170 --> 00:24:23.100
  • for every person watching this program,
  • 00:24:24.130 --> 00:24:27.030
  • I know it's a very hard thing.
  • 00:24:27.030 --> 00:24:29.230
  • And I know that maybe you're catching their breathe
  • 00:24:31.040 --> 00:24:34.130
  • because, it's overwhelming what happened to them.
  • 00:24:34.130 --> 00:24:38.120
  • All I'm saying holy spirit is that you begin to work
  • 00:24:39.260 --> 00:24:42.130
  • inside of them, to give them the courage
  • 00:24:42.130 --> 00:24:45.200
  • to reach out with an olive branch
  • 00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:47.260
  • and say I bring your balance down to zero.
  • 00:24:47.260 --> 00:24:50.190
  • And so lord we just say that in faith,
  • 00:24:50.190 --> 00:24:52.290
  • and lord cover them in their decisions.
  • 00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:56.240
  • Lord, we hold that person in that space,
  • 00:24:58.010 --> 00:25:01.200
  • in that margin where now you take responsibility for it.
  • 00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:05.070
  • And you work on their behalf.
  • 00:25:06.170 --> 00:25:08.000
  • Lord, we wanna be your kin,
  • 00:25:09.040 --> 00:25:11.000
  • we wanna be your son and we wanna be your daughters.
  • 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:13.170
  • And I'm just asking that you take the next step with them
  • 00:25:13.170 --> 00:25:16.190
  • and just show up as they extend their hand.
  • 00:25:16.190 --> 00:25:20.220
  • Just give a rush of your presence, of your glory and
  • 00:25:22.040 --> 00:25:26.210
  • honor them with your word, Lord God.
  • 00:25:26.210 --> 00:25:30.070
  • Honor them with your presence.
  • 00:25:30.070 --> 00:25:33.100
  • In Jesus strong name, amen.
  • 00:25:33.100 --> 00:25:34.190
  • [Host] Please connect with us on social media
  • 00:25:34.190 --> 00:25:36.150
  • and let us know how we can pray for you.
  • 00:25:36.150 --> 00:25:41.100
  • - So exciting!
  • 00:25:41.100 --> 00:25:41.120
  • - So exciting!
  • 00:25:42.010 --> 00:25:43.140
  • She is here with me, I told her everything she knows,
  • 00:25:43.140 --> 00:25:46.230
  • and I made sure that I talked to her before
  • 00:25:47.280 --> 00:25:49.290
  • we came here so she would say everything I told her to say.
  • 00:25:49.290 --> 00:25:53.150
  • - You can hear me?
  • 00:25:55.040 --> 00:25:56.080
  • - She's reading what I told her to say.
  • 00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:03.080
  • [Host] Here's what's happening next time on Better Together.
  • 00:26:03.080 --> 00:26:06.100
  • - What does God want me to do?
  • 00:26:06.100 --> 00:26:07.200
  • I meant that's the question I hear,
  • 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:09.020
  • what does God want me to do?
  • 00:26:09.020 --> 00:26:10.260
  • We discount the natural gifts and talents
  • 00:26:10.260 --> 00:26:13.130
  • that God gives us,
  • 00:26:13.130 --> 00:26:14.200
  • we think well this is too easy,
  • 00:26:14.200 --> 00:26:17.030
  • and so this couldn't be,
  • 00:26:17.030 --> 00:26:18.090
  • I need to go after something that's hard.
  • 00:26:18.090 --> 00:26:19.250
  • [Host] Watch Better Together weekdays right here on TBN.
  • 00:26:19.250 --> 00:26:22.290